CeeBeeEh's recent activity

  1. Comment on My parent is a bad person [rant] in ~life

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Thank you Ryl, I hope you and others like us find peace and happiness and healthy relationships

    Thank you Ryl, I hope you and others like us find peace and happiness and healthy relationships

    4 votes

  2. Comment on My parent is a bad person [rant] in ~life

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Thank you, post_below. I don't think I've processed this long enough to understand what it does to my sense of identity or security yet

    Thank you, post_below. I don't think I've processed this long enough to understand what it does to my sense of identity or security yet

    6 votes

  3. My parent is a bad person [rant]

    ~life Ask
    Not the worst. Not outright criminal, maybe small time stuff. But I mean in terms of moral ethics, is a bad person who's hurt people in the past. And hurts people right now. There might be...

    Not the worst. Not outright criminal, maybe small time stuff. But I mean in terms of moral ethics, is a bad person who's hurt people in the past. And hurts people right now. There might be extenuating circumstances why they grew up like this, but nevertheless the person is a bad person who hurts people. They are a decent parent who I believe do really love me and my sibling, but not selflessly and they don't trust us siblings and is suspicious of us because they project that we must also be terrible people after their money.

    I am certain that they grossly misrepresented their age when they met my other parent. I am certain that they had been unfaithful. There are many lies and I do not feel like us siblings or anyone have ever successfully been able to engage with them honestly. They have many facades. My other parent was an honest and good person who deserved much better than how they were treated.

    Advice not unwanted, but I'm not really sure what I expect, just airing out a sentiment I do not feel okay to express to any of my friends, and I am trying not to wear out my partner from having to hear it over and over as well. Yes I have an appointment to talk to a therapist

    42 votes

  4. Comment on After my dad died, we found the love letters in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Follow up of an old discussion: the writer's story was featured in CBC radio Now Or Never podcast aired May 28. Segment blurb. (Her full name is listed at the link but since the original...

    Follow up of an old discussion: the writer's story was featured in CBC radio Now Or Never podcast aired May 28.

    Segment blurb.

    A few days after [writer's] father suddenly died, she found letters tucked away in a box at the back of his closet. They were love letters, written to her father by men. It led Jenn to a series of discoveries that are changing her perception of the traditionalist, often distant man she feels she barely got to know.

    (Her full name is listed at the link but since the original discussion only has her first name on the blog I want to have one fewer place on the internet listing it)

    1 vote

  5. Comment on Invite for friends in ~tildes

    CeeBeeEh
    Link
    Hiya, invites specific to your account will come soon, don't worry. Welcome, just hang out and have fun and it'll happen. In the meantime, we have casual threads, news threads, serious discussion...

    Hiya, invites specific to your account will come soon, don't worry. Welcome, just hang out and have fun and it'll happen. In the meantime, we have casual threads, news threads, serious discussion and life threads. If your friend's social network gets talked about on another site you can post one thread about it as well and we'd want to hear your thoughts on the network and what the article says about it.

    One reason the site was designed this way in an invite lineage tree was that if I gave out invites to say, 100 spammers, then Deimos wouldn't have to ban 100 accounts, he'd just have to ban mine and all the accounts I gave out invites to. Which is also why I am reluctant to share, hope you understand.

    8 votes

  6. Comment on After my dad died, we found the love letters in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    (edited )
    Link
    That ending paragraph. Chills he wasted his entire life, my mom said to me, the evening we found the love letters. his entire life, and mine as well. The author didn't write too much about her own...
    That ending paragraph. Chills he wasted his entire life, my mom said to me, the evening we found the love letters. his entire life, and mine as well.

    The author didn't write too much about her own sense of betrayal or if she feels any anger. Probably her feelings are more complex because she is a gay herself and understand more of struggle.

    But speaking only as a child, I would be completely seething with rage inconsolable. No disrespect for author's father, the feelings below are towards my own father; in my story, my mom died young and never got to experience freedom, whereas my father continued to fuck around like he had done for decades, until his health fails, and now he confides in me and extracts emotional support the way he has always done.

    I will be angry forever. For my mom, for myself, and my sibling. That he didn't sort out his own shit, that he was a coward who lived by allowing others to bear his own pain from anxieties, and for having the audacity to live joyfully outside but not to share with us.

    I had been cordial to at least one of my Edwards for his sake. I would be cordial to my Edwards when my dad dies; they deserve closure, and if they appear to still grieve knowing there's no money in it for them anymore, I will move past my cynicism into kindness and appreciation. I would appreciate the opportunity to share stories, mark anniversaries together; I would be glad to gift keepsakes, and I would ask if they have any preferences for remaining artifacts and stick my neck out to try to get them into my half to pass onto them. Certainly there will be nameless Edwards who might come out of the woodwork later; I shall strive to remember to keep extra items for them. If they wish, they will forever have a friend in me. I would also feel pity, because my Edwards would never have recieved the promises, however long my father lived; they would never be legitimized, because my father is a selfish coward who prioritizes his security and joy while choosing to ignore the suffering of both spouse and affair partners, prolonging them with sweet nothings and extracting sympathies with how torn he feels if only I could but I can never for my children's sake blah blah blah bullshit.

    But for my own part, I will live on in anger towards a selfish man who hurt others without remorse. Remorse, having found love and music and wine finally, would have looked like an apology, setting mom free, and offering genuine friendship in Hagen daz, city explorations, and nice shoes. This has nothing to do with being gay. It's about decency.

    From an ultra short story by Margaret Atwood, Happy Ending (fulltext pdf):

    [...]Mary is hurt.

    Her friends tell her they've seen him in a restaurant with another woman, whose name is Madge. It's not even Madge that finally gets to Mary: it's the restaurant. John has never taken Mary to a restaurant.

    That a father is absent, austere, and silent, I can forgive. That he is only like that with us, I could never.

    If I were the author's mother, I would fight for the ownership of the ashes. Not that I'd want them in my house.

    Curious about Style. Why did the author choose "no caps"?

    Edit: pronouns

    16 votes

  7. Comment on Should I be friends with this person? in ~life

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    As a fellow person on the asexual spectrum, though, I asked my partner about this situation. He said that as an allosexual person, the situation would have become untenable sooner, or else the...

    As a fellow person on the asexual spectrum, though, I asked my partner about this situation. He said that as an allosexual person, the situation would have become untenable sooner, or else the cheating would have happened sooner.

    For myself, if I were in your shoes, I might be hesitant to throw away a friendship circle in which nearly all the time it's great, except for the rare times when this lady is being "gross" (his word). For my husband, he would feel the "grossness" nearly all of the time and so friendship just wouldn't work. And his read on the situation is that since most allosexual people would have noped out far sooner, and she might read your staying as a "strong possibility" of it going her way.

    Anyway sexuality aside, what kind of friend are those in her circle supposed to be if you and the lady did hook up? Or even be witness to the continued flirting. They'd either have to be complicit in her "grossness", or else they'd be burdened with the duty to tell the husband: to be questioned and doubted, and watch a guy get angry and defensive, or else be believed and watch their friend fall apart. It's not fair for the other friends.

    8 votes

  8. Comment on Pride Month at Tildes: #8 - What are you worried about? in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    That sounds exactly what we need, as we're definitely almost nearly always okay, which maybe makes it worse when it's not(?) My partner and I have a bunch of diagnoses between us: the ADHD, ASD...

    That sounds exactly what we need, as we're definitely almost nearly always okay, which maybe makes it worse when it's not(?)

    My partner and I have a bunch of diagnoses between us: the ADHD, ASD alone ("but wait there's more!") means we'd greatly benefit from an outside perspective on how the other processes the world. I'll look into it, thank you

    4 votes

  9. Comment on Pride Month at Tildes: #8 - What are you worried about? in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link
    I previously shared that I'm the asexual partner of a very high libido partner. I'm worried that our cycles of quiet discontentment ---> open communication --> renewed caring for each other's...

    I previously shared that I'm the asexual partner of a very high libido partner. I'm worried that our cycles of quiet discontentment ---> open communication --> renewed caring for each other's feelings and differences --> easing of disquiettude would eventually prove to wear one or both of us down.

    I don't want to suggest that this is the only sort of energy mismatch that a couple could experience. Perhaps other couples struggle with wanting to be out / staying in, or wanting to spend / saving money, or wanting babies / remaining DINKs, or faith differences, or spending too much / not enough time with either side of their families, or time with close friends, or travel vs staycations....etc.

    The "correct" thing to do is to love each other in every other way where there isn't a disconnect, and to celebrate joy, celebrate each other, and celebrate being able to cry together.

    But on rough days I wonder if sexuality is something much more central than that, and that the fact that I consider it a normal difficulty hurdle is precisely what makes it an insurmountable one.

    For my part, it's difficult for me to hide how weary I am becoming of these cycles. Again? Why is this even such a big deal? And that attitude is exactly what hurts. And I give in to despair, that no matter how safe and happy and secure I feel in a relationship, I could be surprised by discovering the love of my life has reached another breaking point.

    16 votes

  10. Comment on What have you done to conquer your fear? in ~health.mental

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Could you maybe expand on this a bit more? I could really use some insight from the other side, both from the partner with CPTSD and from someone who's made it out. Were there points where your...

    I've had to own that my traumas have a very real impact on her. I've had to be vulnerable about what I'm experiencing and actively seek validation/invalidation from her how those experiences align with her internal states.

    Could you maybe expand on this a bit more? I could really use some insight from the other side, both from the partner with CPTSD and from someone who's made it out. Were there points where your spouse wanted to give up, or at least had occasional thoughts of, giving up? She's probably undergone a lot of changes and ups and downs with you, I guess.

    1 vote

  11. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    That sounds really nice and I'm so glad it worked out for you guys :) please feel free to share reactions from friends and family. With myself, no one else knows other than my spouse, and he's...

    That sounds really nice and I'm so glad it worked out for you guys :) please feel free to share reactions from friends and family.

    With myself, no one else knows other than my spouse, and he's kind of not really getting it either.

    2 votes

  12. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    I'm so thankful for everyone who's chipped in to this topic :D

    I'm so thankful for everyone who's chipped in to this topic :D

    1 vote

  13. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Totally agree on the label being something not defective or negative being a wonderful thing. I'm so glad online dating makes it possible for Aces to find each other!! I think that if more kids...

    Totally agree on the label being something not defective or negative being a wonderful thing.

    I'm so glad online dating makes it possible for Aces to find each other!! I think that if more kids understand what's going on with them is normal, and that they just gotta find folks who also sing at their tempo, there will be far fewer relationships where someone is always in pain from having to push and the other is also in pain from being pushed.

  14. Comment on The summer box office crisis: Is the sky really falling this time? in ~movies

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Exactly, I love film but I don't love theatres anymore. Here are a few reasons that I place at least some of the blame on "capitalist oligarchy" society: Too much entertainment, too little time I...

    Exactly, I love film but I don't love theatres anymore. Here are a few reasons that I place at least some of the blame on "capitalist oligarchy" society:

    1. Too much entertainment, too little time

    I work too many hours and I'm too tired to go out when I'm finally off work. I'll just fire up any number of free 10 minutes entertainment options at my disposal and fall asleep.

    1. Financial displacement

    I loved loved loved going to the movies with my friends but I can no longer afford to live in the same city as them. Also, I live 1.75 hrs from either of the two theatres closest to me.

    1. I can't hear the dialog

    Until there's on screen captions, I'm really honestly better off at home.

    1. To many options, too little money

    Similar to number 1, but specifically about how many streaming things already demand my money. If I've already paid good money for a streaming service and I haven't already exhausted their catalog first, I'm Wasting Money™ and my mom would come back from heaven to wag her finger at me. (Actually that would be awesome. Hi mom!)

    7 votes

  15. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    I hope this isn't coming across as insensitive to allosexual friends, it's just a musing and I would love to hear more perspectives. I like having few needs and I love feeling secure in being able...

    I hope this isn't coming across as insensitive to allosexual friends, it's just a musing and I would love to hear more perspectives.

    I like having few needs and I love feeling secure in being able to acquire them without assistance or dependence on time from anyone else, without fluctuations in prices or supply issues, without market influences, where my needs don't become gnawing or pronounced over time, and not due to algorithmic manipulation or SEO or advertising, and I love that I can't be tempted to make bad decisions (in this arena) that could totally derail my life.

    "Thrill seeking" is also absent in me. Which I am also thankful for.

    There's probably an equally powerful and positive influence that I'm missing in return, I'm sure. But it feels like playing on Easy mode at least in this one regard.

    2 votes

  16. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    That's a beautiful beautiful memory, kfwyre......thank you so much for generously sharing your friend's memory with me. Losing a friend is like.....going to watch a movie together and you made...

    That's a beautiful beautiful memory, kfwyre......thank you so much for generously sharing your friend's memory with me.

    Losing a friend is like.....going to watch a movie together and you made plans to go get desserts afterwards, and looking forward to chatting all night until dawn.....but then they got called away on an emergency half way through the second act, and now I'm alone in the theater with our other friends.....and we won't get to hear what what the departed friend thought of the movie, nor be able to share all those other activities we planned.

    It made me cry reading about his being loved and accepted for who he was. So many people have to deal with "no you're not X you can't be X stop calling yourself X (subtext: because that reflects poorly on me and threatens my self image, and I can't even see you for your own person despite this being a deeply personal thing for you)"

    Thank you for the bear hug and the story. Really, really needed that.

    1 vote

  17. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Woah!!! Cosmic coincidence big time :D Thanks for sharing my first Aro Visibility Day together

    Woah!!! Cosmic coincidence big time :D

    Thanks for sharing my first Aro Visibility Day together

    1 vote

  18. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    Oh absolutely on topic (erh, for me....) and an extremely valuable perspective -- my relationship has definitely seen a huge change in recent years and we're both reeling from it and trying to...

    Oh absolutely on topic (erh, for me....) and an extremely valuable perspective -- my relationship has definitely seen a huge change in recent years and we're both reeling from it and trying to understand how to readjust again......

    2 votes

  19. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    That's how I feel about sex -- I'm probably not deriving the same level of primary enjoyment from the activity as they do, but their feelings of satisfaction and comfort etc are a result of what...

    if others are capable of experiencing that feeling and are likely to experience that feeling in response to what I put into a relationship, does it really matter all that much that I don't experience the same feelings that they do?

    That's how I feel about sex -- I'm probably not deriving the same level of primary enjoyment from the activity as they do, but their feelings of satisfaction and comfort etc are a result of what I'm bringing to the relationship, so....

    You've given me a lot to think about. :) thank you for sharing an interesting perspective that I don't usually get to hear about.

    5 votes

  20. Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt

    CeeBeeEh
    Link Parent
    :D I love this moon story! Maybe the chaperone thought y'all were being Japanese and poetic about the moon being beautiful

    :D I love this moon story! Maybe the chaperone thought y'all were being Japanese and poetic about the moon being beautiful

    9 votes