Wolf_359's recent activity
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Comment on Avoidant personality disorder vs (covert) narcissist accusations in ~health.mental
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Comment on Avoidant personality disorder vs (covert) narcissist accusations in ~health.mental
Wolf_359 LinkHey friend, Recovering drug addict here. Seven or so years clean from heroin and other opiates. Before I used, I was a wounded animal who was usually in a kind of fight or flight mode. I acted...Hey friend,
Recovering drug addict here. Seven or so years clean from heroin and other opiates.
Before I used, I was a wounded animal who was usually in a kind of fight or flight mode. I acted pretty selfishly because I was hurting and scared a lot of the time. Learned plenty of manipulation tactics from my mom too.
When I was using, I was mentally ill. I acted like a true piece of shit. If I wasn't using drugs, I would have qualified for most mental illnesses and personality disorders you can name.
When it all came to a head and I stopped using drugs, I finally grew as a person because I had no choice. But really, it wasn't just growth. A lot of what I did was work on scraping the shit away and seeing what was underneath it all. There were these good qualities I had always possessed but hadn't been able to fully realize for various reasons, most of them not entirely my fault. I was a kid when the shit got shoveled on me. I didn't know any better and I developed maladaptive behaviors in order to protect myself.
My point is this: if drugs and trauma are involved, now isn't really a good time to make any sweeping statements about who you are. You can and should do some digging into who you've been and why. But more than that you should focus on who you can be and who you want to be.
I don't think I was able to accurately assess much until I had been clean and sober for at least two or three years. It was mostly a waste of my time to dwell on all that stuff back then. I look back now and realize I had a pretty decent and caring person underneath all those issues I had. And I realize a lot of my behavior wasn't exactly my fault (even though it was and is my responsibility).
My advice is to calm down. Put all of your energy into avoiding drama and high intensity situations. Get to a place in your life where your only focus is all of those corny simple things that you always heard people talking about when they talk about happiness. Focus on eating right, sleeping on a normal schedule, finding a job you love, having healthy and easy relationships that don't require work or drama, and participating in hobbies that make you happy.
From now on, every time you find yourself feeling overly emotional or involved in some kind of conflict, you're doing something wrong. It has to be that way for a while so you can sort yourself out and get to know yourself. You're going to need to become comfortable with drawing boundaries and only doing things you want to do.
Best of luck. When you come out the other side of this, it'll be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Almost all of the things you're worried about right now will seem silly when you get to a good place. It will feel like a distant memory and you'll know you've made it when you finally feel like a real adult who handles obstacles in a calm and logical manner.
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Comment on US appeals court blocks all of Joe Biden's SAVE student debt relief plan in ~finance
Wolf_359 Link ParentI thank you very much for your kindness right now.I thank you very much for your kindness right now.
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Comment on US appeals court blocks all of Joe Biden's SAVE student debt relief plan in ~finance
Wolf_359 Link ParentI tried YNAB and it was way too hard with my wife and I having joint accounts, personal accounts, etc. Like, we often have to pay each other back, pay ourselves back from other accounts, etc. I...I tried YNAB and it was way too hard with my wife and I having joint accounts, personal accounts, etc.
Like, we often have to pay each other back, pay ourselves back from other accounts, etc.
I just found it incredibly hard to categorize those types of things. Like what do I call the money if I'm using it to pay myself back? Or if my wife sent me half for something we both wanted and used my credit or debit card?
It was just too convoluted.
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Comment on US appeals court blocks all of Joe Biden's SAVE student debt relief plan in ~finance
Wolf_359 Link ParentBit late for that unfortunately. Closed on the house this morning and are in the middle of moving. Yikes. Can't lie friends, this is the most stressed I have felt in many years.Bit late for that unfortunately. Closed on the house this morning and are in the middle of moving.
Yikes. Can't lie friends, this is the most stressed I have felt in many years.
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Comment on US appeals court blocks all of Joe Biden's SAVE student debt relief plan in ~finance
Wolf_359 LinkCan anyone give me a reason to be optimistic here? The SAVE plan allowed my wife and I to purchase a (small, old, modest) home. We signed the closing documents this morning. We have a 9-month-old...Can anyone give me a reason to be optimistic here?
The SAVE plan allowed my wife and I to purchase a (small, old, modest) home. We signed the closing documents this morning. We have a 9-month-old at home and I'm pretty nervous.
We basically knew the budget was going to be tight until we got some raises under our belts but once we were already making our payments on the SAVE plan we didn't think it was even possible for the government to go back on it.
I'm actually struggling a lot mentally with this news and this upcoming election.
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US appeals court blocks all of Joe Biden's SAVE student debt relief plan
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Comment on No Man's Sky: Worlds Part I | Update trailer in ~games
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentDepends what you want to do, but at the end of the day it's all about exploring and mining resources to build or buy more stuff. Basically you search for resources, make bases, explore new solar...Depends what you want to do, but at the end of the day it's all about exploring and mining resources to build or buy more stuff.
Basically you search for resources, make bases, explore new solar systems, and fight things. It's perhaps a bit less structured than other games, although there is a pretty decent length "story mode" which is actually kind of just a really long and interesting tutorial. Definitely fun but there is still a lot to do when you finish it.
You'll be roaming around and see a unique ship and decide you want to figure out how to get one for yourself. Or you might be travelling through space and something interesting happens that pushes you off on a detour to go do a bunch of stuff. Sometimes you're just working towards a cool or helpful upgrade to your base.
It was hard to know when we were done though because there are a lot of little hidden things, so we looked up a list of things to do online and just started going through it like a checklist. We wanted to see and do everything we could. We keep saying we want to play again since they've added so much more since then.
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Comment on No Man's Sky: Worlds Part I | Update trailer in ~games
Wolf_359 Link ParentAbsolutely. I actually bounced off the game in single player but once I tried it co-op with my buddy I was completely hooked. It's a huge universe and it's way more fun to discover and learn with...Absolutely. I actually bounced off the game in single player but once I tried it co-op with my buddy I was completely hooked.
It's a huge universe and it's way more fun to discover and learn with a friend. Combat, finding the perfect ship, finding the perfect system to call home, finding specific resources - much more fun with a friend.
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Comment on Sweden paying grandparents to babysit in ~finance
Wolf_359 LinkI think this is great. It gives the elderly a chance to earn, it provides more access to childcare, and it creates an opportunity to spend more time with family. I'll bet there are grandparents...I think this is great. It gives the elderly a chance to earn, it provides more access to childcare, and it creates an opportunity to spend more time with family. I'll bet there are grandparents out there who wouldn't mind babysitting but can't necessarily afford to do so.
It should also help those without grandparents, because it should, in theory, open up new spots at daycare centers.
It should also help combat the loneliness and feelings of uselessness that many older people feel. Might even reduce rates of dementia and Alzheimer's among the elderly in these countries.
I wish we had that here in the US...but then again I don't trust mine or my wife's parents with our kid. Hers are old and mine are mentally ill.
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Comment on Jack Black ends Tenacious D tour after bandmate’s Donald Trump shooting comment in ~misc
Wolf_359 Link ParentHaha thanks for noticing the username! Everyone who notices is "my people." Also, thanks for sharing your response. Super interesting from someone in the field. I'm here in the US and the right...Haha thanks for noticing the username! Everyone who notices is "my people."
Also, thanks for sharing your response. Super interesting from someone in the field. I'm here in the US and the right wing is absolutely frightening at this point. I grew up in a Republican area and I've seen them change - people I've known my whole life. A lot of them are just people with whom I disagree but many others are straight up ready for war. They are just praying someone will break into their house so they can light them up with one of their many weapons.
The scariest part to me is how they think Antifa is lurking behind every corner. I've quite literally never met someone in Antifa, and I can't really think of many violent acts they've actually committed beyond fist fighting at protests. But if you ask the conservatives I know, Antifa has millions of members who are gearing up for war and sabotaging the country with acts of violence all the time.
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Comment on Jack Black ends Tenacious D tour after bandmate’s Donald Trump shooting comment in ~misc
Wolf_359 Link ParentI'm assuming it's pressure from their various sponsors, but it also occurs to me that someone may have given them the blunt truth: "Now that you said it, you and everyone at your shows is at a...I'm assuming it's pressure from their various sponsors, but it also occurs to me that someone may have given them the blunt truth:
"Now that you said it, you and everyone at your shows is at a much higher risk of dying in a retaliatory mass shooting."
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Comment on Donald Trump whisked off stage in Pennsylvania after apparent gunshots rang through the crowd in ~news
Wolf_359 Link ParentSure, Here is a NY Times article about it. Plenty more sources on this. The ADL has a pretty in-depth analysis too. Seems that many studies count Islamic extremism as being separate from...Sure, Here is a NY Times article about it.
Plenty more sources on this. The ADL has a pretty in-depth analysis too.
Seems that many studies count Islamic extremism as being separate from right-wing ideology, which I disagree with since hardcore Muslims are incredibly conservative.
Including Islamic extremists, right wingers make up 95% of mass shootings. Excluding them, right wingers make up 75% of mass shootings.
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Comment on Donald Trump whisked off stage in Pennsylvania after apparent gunshots rang through the crowd in ~news
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentI want to be very careful not to start slinging mud and turning this into a Reddit thread so I'll just say this: Not all right wingers are violent shooters. But almost all violent shooters are...I want to be very careful not to start slinging mud and turning this into a Reddit thread so I'll just say this:
Not all right wingers are violent shooters. But almost all violent shooters are right wingers. At least in the present day. It was different in times past depending on what you consider to be right wing beliefs.
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Comment on Donald Trump whisked off stage in Pennsylvania after apparent gunshots rang through the crowd in ~news
Wolf_359 (edited )LinkI urge everyone to watch this video up to the point that he actually leaves the stage. I think this video is the end of our country as we know it. Hope to God I'm wrong. But the photo of him with...I urge everyone to watch this video up to the point that he actually leaves the stage.
I think this video is the end of our country as we know it. Hope to God I'm wrong. But the photo of him with his fist in the air versus Biden's bumbling debates? It's everything that the right-wing Christian fascists could have ever hoped for.
Wait until the "Biden ordered it" conspiracies.
Edit: Pretty disappointed in the rhetoric being shared in a lot of leftwing spaces. Unfortunately, a lot of folks are just going full Q Anon and posting baseless conspiracies that Trump staged this as a false flag. I really hope Democrats aren't going to stoop to the level of Q Anon.
As an aside, I'm very concerned for our futures. We are already struggling and this event will be divisive and hurtful for us as a people. I worry it opens the door to more violence at worst and more hardcore nationalism at best. I'm so afraid for my little 9-month-old son and his future. I'm afraid he will be gay or trans in this country. I'm afraid he will never know the optimism I knew as a kid. I'm afraid he will know war.
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Comment on Metallica - St. [b]Anger (Cover) (2024) in ~music
Wolf_359 Link ParentYeah I totally agree with you. I feel like so many great albums by many great artists have components that aren't great in a vacuum. They're unique though and it's part of what makes them great....Yeah I totally agree with you. I feel like so many great albums by many great artists have components that aren't great in a vacuum. They're unique though and it's part of what makes them great.
Imagine Bob Dylan without his strange singing or Eminem without his nasally voice.
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Comment on Does anyone have any advice for new dads? in ~life.men
Wolf_359 Link ParentNope. You have hardly slept in days, this kid needs round the clock care for the first few weeks/months, and you're just fucking spent. Then you hit hour 6 of blood curdling screams and it hits...Nope.
You have hardly slept in days, this kid needs round the clock care for the first few weeks/months, and you're just fucking spent. Then you hit hour 6 of blood curdling screams and it hits you - this right here is when someone with slightly less impulse control shakes their baby.
You either need to set them down and walk away, or you need to pop in two headphones and listen to a podcast or music. I always chose the headphones. It really takes the edge off the screams.
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Comment on Metallica - St. [b]Anger (Cover) (2024) in ~music
Wolf_359 Link ParentNever understood the hate for this album. I always felt like this album would be hugely popular and beloved if it had come from a band nobody had ever heard of before. People hate the vocals and...Never understood the hate for this album. I always felt like this album would be hugely popular and beloved if it had come from a band nobody had ever heard of before.
People hate the vocals and the snare drum in particular - I love them so much. It makes this album feel thrashy and raw, like a garage band that was exceedingly good. It sounds so angry, which is obviously what they were going for given the album title and its content.
Anyway, I'm definitely interested the various re-records and re-edits of this album, even if I enjoy the original.
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Comment on Rapper BG ordered to have all future songs approved by US government in ~music
Wolf_359 Link ParentI remember it, but it was missing the social media component. I am one of those people who almost always believes in freedom of speech with very few exceptions. But when you bring the internet...I remember it, but it was missing the social media component.
I am one of those people who almost always believes in freedom of speech with very few exceptions. But when you bring the internet into it and start really digging into what's happening with gangs, terrorism, politics, etc., I start to wonder if a lot of our old ideals about free speech still hold up.
Kind of like how semi-automatic weapons and mass shootings have reshaped the discussion around the second amendment. The internet has drastically changed how, and how quickly, ideas can be disseminated.
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Comment on Rapper BG ordered to have all future songs approved by US government in ~music
Wolf_359 Link ParentMaybe. I'm not in favor of limiting this guy's free speech but you should spend some time in r/chiraqology if you want to see what's really happening with modern rap music as it relates to...Maybe. I'm not in favor of limiting this guy's free speech but you should spend some time in r/chiraqology if you want to see what's really happening with modern rap music as it relates to homicide.
Unfortunately, the new generation of rappers are completely obsessed with social media. They're super proud to be dealing fentanyl and committing murders on camera - way different than the socially conscious rap that warned about the dangers of these things in previous generations.
There is a culture of "get backs" where these young artists film high definition video of them getting back at people for real or perceived slights by murdering them. The music is a huge, huge part of it. First, you make a song with your gang warning that "Person A" is about to die. Then they die and the video is posted online. Then a song is released bragging about the murder, while the artist maintains that they're just making music and they didn't do it (whether that's true or not, it could be argued that they put out the hit by making the previous song).
The rapper in my example will also be the victim of a "get back" within weeks or months. The cycle continues.
Abusing drugs, attempting suicide, having a friend call you a narcissist, and then agonizing over it - this is all drama.
That type of stuff used to happen in my life. I didn't realize how "not normal" all of it was until years into my normal, healthier life.
You will look back and see what I mean. I hope this doesn't come off as rude or insensitive. What you're going through is real and valid. But aim to get to a place where it doesn't seem normal to you anymore. I was a former crazy person, so I feel comfortable saying this: get the crazy out of your life and keep it simple.
Best wishes and internet hugs.