all_summer_beauty's recent activity

  1. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Got it. I appreciate you passing them along. I'll take a look at my local library network and see if I can get my hands on them.

    Got it. I appreciate you passing them along. I'll take a look at my local library network and see if I can get my hands on them.

    1 vote

  2. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    No rush, trips + time changes can definitely be exhausting. Safe travels!

    No rush, trips + time changes can definitely be exhausting. Safe travels!

    1 vote

  3. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Yep, this would definitely help. The assignments might still get done at the last minute a lot of the time, but they would actually get done. Any kind of "accountability partner" at all is useful....

    what a good therapist can bring to the table is giving you structure and (...) perceived deadlines on some of the assignments in the book

    Yep, this would definitely help. The assignments might still get done at the last minute a lot of the time, but they would actually get done. Any kind of "accountability partner" at all is useful. I rarely go out of my way to set up relationships like that, though, likely due to a fear of disappointing the other person and embarrassing myself. I think I also don't want to burden others with the responsibility of compensating for my inability to function. Which I know isn't the correct way to understand the arrangement, but it's how it feels. I'll need to get over that, I guess.

    Thanks for your encouragement!

    2 votes

  4. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Autism is another one I've wondered about from time to time, but IMO it's much less likely than something ADHD-adjacent. There's been just enough little things to make me consider it, but overall...

    Autism is another one I've wondered about from time to time, but IMO it's much less likely than something ADHD-adjacent. There's been just enough little things to make me consider it, but overall I don't think it lines up with my experience very well.

    As far as manual vs. automatic, do you just mean something like "intentional choices vs. routines/habits"?

    1 vote

  5. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Same (I think). This is why I've never felt like I "check enough boxes" and have continued looking for answers elsewhere. Hmm. That's not a bad way to put it. I have my own variation of the...

    I do not think I meet the criteria for either type of ADHD - I do not have issues with either restlessness or being easily distracted.

    Same (I think). This is why I've never felt like I "check enough boxes" and have continued looking for answers elsewhere.

    The difficulty in switching focus certainly feels similar to other intrusive thoughts

    Hmm. That's not a bad way to put it. I have my own variation of the depression/anxiety cocktail and while my intrusive thoughts aren't always very intense, I'm familiar enough with the experience that your comment made me realize that it does feel like a similar mechanism is at work in the hyperfocus case.

    Thank you for sharing!

    1 vote

  6. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    That book looks good too, thanks! The creator recommendations are welcome as well. I've come across plenty of videos related to this before, but mostly never click on them because they tend to...

    That book looks good too, thanks! The creator recommendations are welcome as well. I've come across plenty of videos related to this before, but mostly never click on them because they tend to give me too much of a "do YOU have ADHD?? Are you SPECIAL and quirky???" vibe. Actual good-quality videos would be nice to see.

  7. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Thanks for the link to your old comment, I think I remember that thread. I'll take a look at the workbook you mentioned and see if anything resonates. This is what I was having such a hard time...

    Thanks for the link to your old comment, I think I remember that thread. I'll take a look at the workbook you mentioned and see if anything resonates.

    What is more important is, are you struggling with the hyper focus and picking up tasks?

    This is what I was having such a hard time articulating in the OP. I don't know. At the moment, it feels like it might be accurate to say that it's not that I can't interrupt myself and change activities if I need to; I can and do daily. But I'm not going to unless there's something that forces me to switch (e.g. a physical or social hard deadline). And there are certain very specific circumstances where the inertia is completely debilitating even when I overcome it. I have degrees in music (bachelor's in education, master's in conducting), and practicing has always been a mixed bag for me. If I get into a flow state, it's fine and progress occurs. If I don't, I fucking hate it and I'm miserable. For example, one method you commonly have to use in the practice room is simply repeating a section of music over and over again (very intentionally) until you've learned it or fixed the problem. Sometimes this is fine for me; if I can figure out a way to "loop" the section so there's little to no break in between reps, I can do reps forever. Otherwise, every time I stop myself at the end of a rep, it feels like I was riding a bike that suddenly came to a dead stop and threw me over the handlebars into the dirt. I have to pick myself back up, brush off the dirt, reset any bones I dislocated, stand the bike up, climb on, and get up to speed again. And even then it's still hard because part of my brain didn't stop when I crashed and instead continued on down the trail. It takes ages to get anywhere like this.

    This isn't always how practicing works for me, but a significant portion of the time, it is. This and other mental and/or physical blocks I encounter have kept me from reaching the level of proficiency I feel I need in order to do my job, and probably played a large role in my worsening depression in recent years and my mostly-settled decision to abandon teaching music. There's a lot more to the job than being able to play your instrument(s), but that's still very important and it honestly feels like my brain is just not well-suited for the work that's required to develop that skill. If that's true, I wish I would have realized it ten years ago.

    That got kind of ramble-y and zoomed in on one very specific case, but it's at least more articulate than anything I tried to write for the OP. Thanks for providing a prompt that nudged my thoughts into a somewhat more useful shape.

    1 vote

  8. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Yeah it certainly isn't a lack of attention. The fixations usually last for hours or days as long as there's nothing major to interrupt me. Sometimes the "fixation mode" lasts for weeks, though...

    "a racecar engine with bicycle brakes"

    Yeah it certainly isn't a lack of attention. The fixations usually last for hours or days as long as there's nothing major to interrupt me. Sometimes the "fixation mode" lasts for weeks, though the target usually changes over time.

    RE: Therapists: The mental healthcare system in my area is pretty overwhelmed, but I just found out this morning that I'm finally off the waiting list and have an appointment next week. I've been seeing various therapists for other issues for a while, but I'm hoping to have conversations about the topic of this thread with the new person.

    Thanks for the book recommendations! Those look very good. Are they ones that have helped you specifically? (I can't remember if I've seen you mention having ADHD here on Tildes or not.)

    3 votes

  9. Comment on Executive (dys)function flavors? in ~talk

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Yes. Without the tendency to "over-focus", I'd probably just write this off as procrastination and a lack of self-discipline. And maybe that is all that's going on here. I just wonder because some...

    You say you have this "hyperfocus mode", and on other things, you put them off until they become urgent, even if they are important, yes?

    Yes. Without the tendency to "over-focus", I'd probably just write this off as procrastination and a lack of self-discipline. And maybe that is all that's going on here. I just wonder because some of the things I've seen people say about ADHD and the like resonate with me.

    This comment seems random

    Not at all, I immediately knew where you were going with this. I think a lot about my/our intense desire to put things in boxes and give everything a label, and I definitely worry that, due to that desire, I'm seeing signs of some kind of executive dysfunction where there aren't any. I guess part of my goal with this post was to get a reality check of sorts. I appreciate you gently pushing back on this.

    5 votes

  10. Comment on All about (computer) love in ~tech

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Thanks for confirming it's not just me! Let us know if you hear back!

    Thanks for confirming it's not just me! Let us know if you hear back!

  11. Comment on All about (computer) love in ~tech

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Does it still work for you as of today? I'm wondering if there's something up with the content host.

    Does it still work for you as of today? I'm wondering if there's something up with the content host.

    1 vote

  12. Comment on All about (computer) love in ~tech

    all_summer_beauty
    Link
    Did anyone else get lots of errors with the remote content? The text works fine, but based on the errors I'm seeing in the console output, there should be audio files being played too, as well as...

    Did anyone else get lots of errors with the remote content? The text works fine, but based on the errors I'm seeing in the console output, there should be audio files being played too, as well as some other stuff. Lots of "Failed to load resource", "ERR_NAME_NOT_RESOLVED". I started out in Firefox with shields at maximum, then tried some other things including a completely clean profile in Chrome to no avail.

    This seems like it could be very good but I want to experience it fully, not just text!

    2 votes

  13. Executive (dys)function flavors?

    ~talk Ask (advice)
    @RoyalHenOil's comment in another thread got me thinking, and I feel like it might be helpful for me to hear what other Tilderinos have to share about this. I've wondered for years if I might have...

    @RoyalHenOil's comment in another thread got me thinking, and I feel like it might be helpful for me to hear what other Tilderinos have to share about this. I've wondered for years if I might have ADHD. Any time I've looked into it, it never seems like I check enough boxes for that to be an accurate label. But I've also gotten the impression that many psychological things like ADHD might be better understood as a spectrum (or even a region?), so lately I keep coming back to the possibility that I just have some other/related flavor of executive dysfunction. Or maybe I just haven't figured out how to "adult" properly yet for other reasons. I don't know, but it feels like being able to name the way my brain works would help things somehow.

    I tried for hours to write up an explanation of my experiences, but I couldn't come up with anything that felt accurate and was a reasonable length, so the five-second version is this: The thing I keep coming across and identifying with is the "hyperfocus mode" that some people report. I enjoy this but also feel like it must have something to do with my struggles in some areas. I can prioritize tasks effectively plenty of the time, but I also can't at other times. If I used an Eisenhower matrix, things in the "important but not urgent" category would mostly be gathering dust (except for ones I happened to focus on). I don't really have any control over the "hyperfocus mode" and its target changes unpredictably.

    There's an exhausting amount of nuance I could add to the above. I'd really love to hear from anyone who's had experience with any sort of divergent executive function that doesn't seem to fit into any of the currently available boxes we use to understand these things.

    Addendum: I reread RoyalHenOil's comment just now and I think responding to it directly might be easier than writing out my own explanation from scratch, so I'll include that response here for anyone who feels like reading it.

    Annotated comment

    I'm more the hyperfocusing sort than the easily-distracted sort (I don't really experience boredom or anything resembling internal "chatter" that a lot of people with ADHD describe),

    I do identify with this. I think there's some degree of "chatter" for me, though.

    but it ultimately amounts to similar behavior: I have a hard time prioritizing.

    I guess? Sometimes?

    It feels like it should be easy to switch activities, but I just can't. It's like trying to move a paralyzed body part; you're firing all the right neurons, but nothing happens.

    I'm not sure if I would describe it this way. This is definitely how it feels when trying to get out of bed if I'm really drowsy, but switching activities mostly doesn't feel like this. It can sometimes though.

    When I'm focused on Task A but know I need to switch to Task B, I can't stop thinking about Task A. They're basically intrusive thoughts that aren't under my conscious control. Even if I do successfully pull myself away from Task A, I can barely do Task B because I'm still thinking about Task A — and I'm feeling frazzled the whole time.

    Yeah, this is more or less true for me. It is possible for the hyperfocus to switch over to Task B eventually, but I don't feel like I have any control over that.

    But if I just give [in] to the hyperfocus and devote myself to Task A until it's complete, I feel great. I'm in the zone. It's better than meditation.

    So much yes. It's like the flow state I can get from practicing music, except it's easier to enter and not taxing to maintain.

    My hyperfocus can be a good thing. It means that whatever Task A is, I can fully immerse myself in it and do it exceptionally well. (. . .) But I'm useless at anything that resembles multitasking because I end up obsessing over just one of the tasks (even if it's not that complex) and neglecting all the others.

    Agree. Some of the best work I've done and most fun I've had has been while hyperfocusing. But when multitasking, I feel almost useless.

    I did very well in school and I do very well in the workplace (so long as my supervisors make good use of me)

    Same.

    but my private life is a completely different matter. I have a hard time maintaining routines and establishing habits. I'm always neglecting the majority of household tasks and my personal needs; if I'm on a vacuuming kick, for example, the floor will be spotless, but everything else will be in shambles because all I can see is the floor.

    Yes and no. Some routines/habits stick and others don't. I'm generally fine with chores, though most of them don't happen on a routine, they just get done when they need to get done, I guess.

    One of the worst aspects of my hyperfocus is that it feeds into itself. For example, being sleep-deprived makes me far more likely to hyperfocus, and hyperfocusing makes me far more likely to experience insomnia. If I do break out of my hyperfocus tendencies, I can usually only maintain it for a week or so until, inevitably, something throws off the delicate balance.

    You know, I don't think this had occurred to me, but that totally seems plausible. At the very least, I do know I end up in feedback loops where hyperfocusing on one thing leads to a new thing to hyperfocus on, so the need for variety that eventually kicks in to break me out is already satisfied by the new thing.

    30 votes

  14. Comment on Mystic Symbolic Generator in ~design

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    I agree that this is cool! I think you used the same URL for all three links, though.

    I agree that this is cool! I think you used the same URL for all three links, though.

    1 vote

  15. Comment on What new poems have you come across this year? in ~books

    all_summer_beauty
    Link
    "For a Student Who Used AI to Write a Paper" Joseph Fasano Another (though not one I found this year), since you mentioned Wendy Cope! "The Orange" Wendy Cope I feel like these two pair nicely...

    "For a Student Who Used AI to Write a Paper"

    Now I let it fall back
    in the grasses.
    I hear you. I know
    this life is hard now.
    I know your days are precious
    on this earth.
    But what are you trying
    to be free of?
    The living? The miraculous
    task of it?
    Love is for the ones who love the work.

    Joseph Fasano

    Another (though not one I found this year), since you mentioned Wendy Cope!

    "The Orange"

    At lunchtime I bought a huge orange -
    The size of it made us all laugh.
    I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave -
    They got quarters and I had a half.

    And that orange, it made me so happy,
    As ordinary things often do
    Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
    This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

    The rest of the day was quite easy.
    I did all the jobs on my list
    And enjoyed them and had some time over.
    I love you. I'm glad I exist.

    Wendy Cope

    I feel like these two pair nicely together.

    4 votes

  16. Comment on Nvidia-backed Starcloud trains first AI model in space in ~space

    all_summer_beauty
    Link
    For anyone else who was (like me) wondering "Why...?":

    For anyone else who was (like me) wondering "Why...?":

    Starcloud wants to show outer space can be a hospitable environment for data centers, particularly as Earth-based facilities strain power grids, consume billions of gallons of water annually and produce hefty greenhouse gas emissions. The electricity consumption of data centers is projected to more than double by 2030, according to data from the International Energy Agency.

    Starcloud CEO Philip Johnston told CNBC that the company’s orbital data centers will have 10 times lower energy costs than terrestrial data centers.

    “Anything you can do in a terrestrial data center, I’m expecting to be able to be done in space. And the reason we would do it is purely because of the constraints we’re facing on energy terrestrially,” Johnston said in an interview.

    6 votes

  17. Comment on Rosalía's LUX is NPR Music's No. 1 album of 2025 in ~music

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    Yeah, it's certainly not for everyone, but no art is. What I really appreciate about it is that it's so new and different, while still being really beautiful and engaging (at least to me). There's...

    Yeah, it's certainly not for everyone, but no art is. What I really appreciate about it is that it's so new and different, while still being really beautiful and engaging (at least to me). There's nothing wrong with applying your artistry to create more things in established paradigms, but, IMO, where art/creativity shines the most is in doing things that no one's done before and nailing it.

  18. Comment on Rosalía's LUX is NPR Music's No. 1 album of 2025 in ~music

    all_summer_beauty
    Link Parent
    El Mal Querer is definitely on my list! Sounds very cool, I love a good concept album. Thanks for the rec!

    El Mal Querer is definitely on my list! Sounds very cool, I love a good concept album. Thanks for the rec!

  19. Comment on Rosalía's LUX is NPR Music's No. 1 album of 2025 in ~music

    all_summer_beauty
    (edited )
    Link
    I just listened to this for the first time yesterday and it kind of blew my mind. I unfortunately don't speak Spanish (or Italian, or German, or . . .) well enough to fully appreciate it but it's...

    At the moment this fall when NPR Music's staff began discussing our picks for the best albums of 2025, the mere existence of the record we'd eventually name our No. 1 – in a landslide, it must be said – was not known to anyone on our team. But as soon as we heard Rosalía's magnificent, head-spinning LUX in early November, one spot on our list was instantly confirmed.

    For most of the year, consensus felt hard to come by. We all found plenty of music to love, but we weren't always drawn toward the same signals. LUX was different. Of the dozen critics and hosts who submitted lists, more than half included it in their top 10. Four of us said it was the best thing we heard all year. Below, each of them makes the argument for why it deserves that crown.

    I just listened to this for the first time yesterday and it kind of blew my mind. I unfortunately don't speak Spanish (or Italian, or German, or . . .) well enough to fully appreciate it but it's still wildly impressive and beautiful. I also know basically nothing about Rosalía so I can't provide any additional context, but I can tell you that her voice is incredible and that creating this is an astounding feat of musicianship. I drove several hours yesterday and started my trip with LUX. I'm running that drive back today and I think I'll be starting with it again.

    5 votes