avirse's recent activity
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Comment on What are you working through? in ~life
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Comment on What are you working through? in ~life
avirse LinkLack of community, but more specifically that attempts to establish connections keep backfiring on me. I stepped back from two online communities I was reasonably active in because they were...Lack of community, but more specifically that attempts to establish connections keep backfiring on me. I stepped back from two online communities I was reasonably active in because they were starting to feel alienating, I have been haunted by intrusive memories of social fauxes pas ever since my work social event, and I've been sick with anxiety over trying to maintain contact with members of a mums group that recently ended because I'm so busy with work and appointments and organising home repairs and helping baby adjust to the new routine that I'm too exhausted to commit to plans.
So instead I dump-and-run on tildes because I can't even fit in a therapist appointment these days. Not that the therapy has been helping at all. I wish I knew what would.
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Comment on Is the detachment in the room? - Agents, cruelty, and empathy in ~tech
avirse Link ParentI don't think a singleplayer videogame NPC is all that analogous even outside of the existence of "evil playthroughs". Playing a videogame has the human entering the NPC's world, social media has...I don't think a singleplayer videogame NPC is all that analogous even outside of the existence of "evil playthroughs". Playing a videogame has the human entering the NPC's world, social media has bots entering the human world. Choosing to interact with a game and getting angry about encountering NPCs is very different to choosing to interact with humans and getting angry at encountering bots.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (February 2026) in ~health.mental
avirse Link ParentThe social model of disability breaks down very quickly when you consider us as animals, I feel. Wheelchairs themselves are a human-made construction, as are crutches, inhalers, sunglasses,...The social model of disability breaks down very quickly when you consider us as animals, I feel. Wheelchairs themselves are a human-made construction, as are crutches, inhalers, sunglasses, noise-cancelling headphones, insulin pumps, ostomy systems, etc.
That one human-made construction is widely incompatible with another human-made construction is usually ridiculous. But saying that human-made construction makes someone fully functional but it's human-made construction that prevents them from being fully functional makes no sense.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (February 2026) in ~health.mental
avirse LinkI think I hit autistic burnout during the postnatal depression, but responsibilities and obligations and the energy cost of a toddler are really starting to ramp up now, so there's no time or...I think I hit autistic burnout during the postnatal depression, but responsibilities and obligations and the energy cost of a toddler are really starting to ramp up now, so there's no time or space to even think about trying to address it.
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Comment on Nova Launcher: An update in ~tech
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Comment on Nova Launcher: An update in ~tech
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Comment on Nova Launcher: An update in ~tech
avirse LinkI didn't think I had any great attachment to Nova, only installing it originally to get rid of a default Google search bar on my home screen, but now it seems that it's impossible to find another...I didn't think I had any great attachment to Nova, only installing it originally to get rid of a default Google search bar on my home screen, but now it seems that it's impossible to find another launcher that has an icon for the app drawer. I hate gesture navigation, I find it actively hostile, but every single launcher now seems to be either gesture-only or worse, search-only.
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Comment on What's a culture shock that you experienced? in ~talk
avirse Link ParentThe people who work in e.g. stores are spending the better part of the day there, though, so it would make sense to make it a reasonable temperature for their sake.The people who work in e.g. stores are spending the better part of the day there, though, so it would make sense to make it a reasonable temperature for their sake.
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
avirse Link ParentThere has been a lot of discourse on this around the new Devil Wears Prada sequel - same high-end fashion brands as the original movie, but even from the trailer you can see the decline in quality.There has been a lot of discourse on this around the new Devil Wears Prada sequel - same high-end fashion brands as the original movie, but even from the trailer you can see the decline in quality.
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Comment on Advice on avoiding the hedonic treadmill of endless content? in ~life
avirse Link ParentHow?? My almost-one-year-old just wants to destroy and eat books. So far three board books are completely done with another two damaged beyond being able to pass them on. Reading is a battle of...How?? My almost-one-year-old just wants to destroy and eat books. So far three board books are completely done with another two damaged beyond being able to pass them on. Reading is a battle of trying to keep her interested without her getting frustrated that she can't rip out the pages. About the only way we can manage it is if she's not even looking at the book, just climbing and playing nearby. Which doesn't feel any different to just monologuing at her, when all the talking advice is about engaging and leaving space for responses, so that doesn't seem like a good thing?
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Comment on YouTube is awful. Please use YouTube, though. in ~tech
avirse Link ParentI believe creators deserve payment, and am usually happy to watch their sponsorships. I don't believe that creators are entitled to pass their business expenses on to me in the form of ads from...I believe creators deserve payment, and am usually happy to watch their sponsorships. I don't believe that creators are entitled to pass their business expenses on to me in the form of ads from their platform of choice. If Youtube operated like any other infrastructure, it would be the creators paying to host their content, possibly with tiers based on audience size etc. Complaining that I'm not "paying for their infrastructure" (watching Youtube ads) as well as "paying their revenue" (watching sponsorships and/or paying a subscription) is a bit much.
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Comment on Twenty years of digital life, gone in an instant, thanks to Apple in ~tech
avirse Link ParentI was talking about both. Other examples being emails to nurseries that didn't arrive when sent from my address (cc'd to my husband so I know they sent and should have been received), same for...I was talking about both. Other examples being emails to nurseries that didn't arrive when sent from my address (cc'd to my husband so I know they sent and should have been received), same for multiple small companies (generally tradespeople) who are not technologically inclined nor motivated enough to give a shit about digging out my email or whitelisting my domain.
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Comment on Twenty years of digital life, gone in an instant, thanks to Apple in ~tech
avirse Link ParentI've used smaller-scale (reputable) email providers with and without custom domains for about 15 years now and it's been an ever-increasing problem. Several times a site or app wouldn't allow me...I've used smaller-scale (reputable) email providers with and without custom domains for about 15 years now and it's been an ever-increasing problem. Several times a site or app wouldn't allow me to create an account without using a large provider's domain like gmail or outlook, particularly those relating to job-hunting, claiming my email address wasn't valid.
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Comment on Twenty years of digital life, gone in an instant, thanks to Apple in ~tech
avirse Link ParentThe bigger risk in my experience is services not accepting custom domains or automatically flagging them as spam. There have been many businesses I just can't correspond with via email because...The bigger risk in my experience is services not accepting custom domains or automatically flagging them as spam. There have been many businesses I just can't correspond with via email because they won't receive what I send, but my partner's gmail address gets to them just fine.
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Comment on Control Resonant | Announcement trailer in ~games
avirse Link ParentIt looks like it might be set in The Dark Place - I pretty sure that station is in Alan Wake 2.It looks like it might be
set in The Dark Place - I pretty sure that station is in Alan Wake 2. -
Comment on Meet Pebble Index 01 - External memory for your brain in ~tech
avirse Link ParentWhat's wrong with an old-fashioned dictaphone?What's wrong with an old-fashioned dictaphone?
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Comment on Colossal Game Adventure: Voting topic in ~games
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Comment on Colossal Game Adventure: Voting topic in ~games
avirse LinkFreddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist (5) Back in a Flash (5)Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist (5)
Back in a Flash (5)
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Comment on Tildes' Colossal Game Adventure: Inauguration and nominations in ~games
avirse Link ParentI was going to suggest Freddy Pharkas! Never did play it myself, but the song is burned into my brain all the same, I think from when my dad was playing it.I was going to suggest Freddy Pharkas! Never did play it myself, but the song is burned into my brain all the same, I think from when my dad was playing it.
This was probably rhetorical, but I'm going to answer it anyway in case it helps. I'm sorry if this is just rehashing things you already know and/or aren't able to implement. Also I should caveat that I'm only diagnosed autistic, though I do have a(n undiagnosed) ADHD partner and relate a lot to AuDHD observations (and read/watch a lot of ADHD-specific stuff online - How to ADHD is great edit: and just put out a video on this very topic!).
This is also just what I've found to help, your mileage may vary.
At Home
Short term:
Make "doom boxes". Everywhere that there's a pile of anything, stick it in a box/bag/cupboard so you can't see it anymore. Do this to clothes, dishes, trash, miscellaneous clutter, just shove it out of sight for now. A pile of 30 things = 30 different demands, even when you've gone blind to it. One box = one demand. This is normally considered a bad thing to do, but when you're in burnout it's worth the risk for the gains in functioning.
Work on reducing any sensory strains. Experiment with noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs, ambient noise videos, dim bulbs, sunglasses indoors and out, wearing only the comfiest clothing options and hairstyles, scented candles, room sprays, using fidget/stim toys, etc. Bear in mind that this can mean adding sensory stimuli as well as removing it; you can be sensory-seeking in one sense and sensory-avoidant in another.
Find quickly-fixed inefficiencies in how you navigate your home. Maybe you have an empty shoe rack and a pile of shoes in your entryway you always trip over - may as well get rid of the shoe rack and put the pile in its place. Maybe your laundry basket has a lid you have to open to put clothes in - ditch the lid so you can just throw stuff in. Maybe your bedroom door has a load of coat hooks overflowing with hoodies and towels so you bump the door every time you walk in - get that crap out of your way and into a doom box.
All of these things passively drain your energy as you go about your day, often without you noticing. Address them and after a few days you'll likely notice new energy, which you can eventually use for:
Medium term:
As you need things from your doom boxes, take out the thing you need and one other easy-to-deal-with thing and deal with it. E.g. you shoved all your dirty dishes into the cupboard under the sink but now you need a bowl and a fork to eat noodles, so grab the bowl and fork and one plate, wash them all, put away the plate. Bonus points if you always go to the doom box first so clean stuff can accumulate. Triple bonus points if you realise you have far more of something than you need/can maintain and discard some of the excess.
Recruit friends/family to help, if possible. Whether that's having them come over to help you clean or being available to call for body-doubling while you make a dent in problem areas. This does require having sympathetic friends/family who won't make you feel judged, otherwise it will backfire spectacularly.
Find and fix the bigger inefficiencies. Find homes for the stuff you use next to the place you use it. Set up "stations" so every step of a task can be done in the same spot (e.g. instead of coffee pot on one side of the room and mugs on another, mugs hang above the coffee pot). Maybe swap hanging clothes for drawers or vice versa if you find one method significantly easier. Edit: Clutterbug just did a whole Youtube video on this, coincidentally.
At Work:
I only know about office-type work, and there's not a huge amount that you can do, but for what it's worth:
Relaxing:
What you find relaxing will be highly personal, but the key (in my experience) is to look for activities that when you finish doing them you feel like you've been asleep, instead of activities that make you feel energised or inspired or otherwise make you want to Do Things. The latter are great for depression and neurotypical burnout, but they're not the rest that's needed in neurodivergent burnout.
That could be something very sleep-like, like laying in a dark room watching a lava lamp, or it could be a more "normal" hobby like reading a book or listening to an audiobook or doing some kind of craft (e.g. knitting, crochet). ADHD brains tend to need some stimulation to relax (hence being treated medically with stimulants) so "distraction" isn't inherently a problem, it just needs to be the right level of distraction.