cheep_cheep's recent activity
-
Comment on May 2026 Backlog Burner: Week 1 Discussion in ~games
-
Comment on Why so many people are going "no contact" with their parents in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentThanks for the kind words. It's very frustrating, isn't it, when you see someone who needs help and you understand how they got there, but they refuse to do a thing that will probably make them...Thanks for the kind words. It's very frustrating, isn't it, when you see someone who needs help and you understand how they got there, but they refuse to do a thing that will probably make them feel better in the long run? I really wish my sibling would allow themselves to get help, but emotions are "icky" for them. It means though that they're stuck, and that lingering trauma can't be discussed and healed, because they won't let anyone touch it.
This conversation has made me reflect on my childhood and some of our family relationships, so it is a bit like free therapy! And I think both of our family situations illustrate your exact point: children experience abuse differently, and sometimes the cascades of that abuse can manifest so that one sibling may receive more direct harm from a crappy parent, but a different sibling ultimately is much worse off from the indirect effects that abuse had on family dynamics (and the development of boundaries, coping mechanism, and self-worth).
-
Comment on Why so many people are going "no contact" with their parents in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentI hear you and I totally agree that siblings frequently get treated very differently, and the abuse that one child sees may be very different from what another child sees. I really appreciate that...I hear you and I totally agree that siblings frequently get treated very differently, and the abuse that one child sees may be very different from what another child sees. I really appreciate that you shared all the details of your specific situation - it shows just how complicated and person-specific abuse can manifest, even in one family.
Without getting too in the weeds on my own situation, my sibling has been very open about their grievances with our parents; their primary trauma came from a psychotic episode from our abusive parent, and my sibling did not get much support at the time from our non-abusive parent. The non-abusive parent wasn't at home and afterwards was uncommunicative about what had happened, and my sibling felt deeply neglected. There are layers to this story, but my sibling's reaction has been to blame our non-abusive parent for neglect and to nurse that grievance for decades, when my perspective is that our non-abusive parent had suffered the most abuse at the hands of our abusive parent, which my sibling has zero empathy for. (Meanwhile, our abusive parent was emotionally and mentally abusive to me and others in our household, which my sibling never acknowledges...probably because they are my abusive parent's golden child. No one's abuse matters but theirs, and they never discuss our abusive parent in that way.)
-
Comment on May 2026 Backlog Burner: Week 1 Discussion in ~games
cheep_cheep Link ParentI'm so glad you've been enjoying Hatoful Boyfriend! I agree with you totally about VNs generally - I like the genre and I like being able to pursue different branching paths, but a lot of the...I'm so glad you've been enjoying Hatoful Boyfriend! I agree with you totally about VNs generally - I like the genre and I like being able to pursue different branching paths, but a lot of the stories that fans love are either totally bland ("slice of life"), the characters are weird and unlikable, or the stories and characters are overwrought and unbelievable. None of that is true with Hatoful Boyfriend (for me, anyway), and there are layers upon layers to the game. There's also interesting background lore in terms of why the player character is at a bird school, but you don't need it to enjoy the story. If you really love the game, there's also abundant and well-made merch, with pretty frequent sales!
-
Comment on May 2026 Backlog Burner: Week 2 Discussion in ~games
cheep_cheep Link ParentGlad to hear you're enjoying Bendy! It's totally not my style of game, but it's cool reading about your experience, as well as the other flourishes (like the tape decks inspired by BioShock). I'm...Glad to hear you're enjoying Bendy! It's totally not my style of game, but it's cool reading about your experience, as well as the other flourishes (like the tape decks inspired by BioShock). I'm glad the game ended up with you, and please keep up the updates!
-
Comment on Why so many people are going "no contact" with their parents in ~life
cheep_cheep LinkI've generally tried to avoid this thread because of the high emotions, but reading through responses I want to identify two things that are separate but are maybe not getting acknowledged as...I've generally tried to avoid this thread because of the high emotions, but reading through responses I want to identify two things that are separate but are maybe not getting acknowledged as such:
- There are people in this thread who have been abused and considered cutting off/fully cut off contact with their parents for being abusive. Many of them have been judged on whether their going no-contact was appropriate, which is causing them distress. I have an abusive parent whom I am currently low contact with, and I have noticed that people with happy, functional families totally do not understand what it's like to have an abusive family member. "Why are you so hard on them. They're your parent!". In my experience, when they actually meet said parent, their perspective changes pretty quickly, but in my experience, it's 100% true that people with functional families do not understand at all what it's like to have dysfunctional families, and make totally bone-headed suggestions about what to do about them. I personally believe that any reason a child needs to adjust contact with a parent is their prerogative, as silly or incomprehensible as it may seem to the outside, but I can also acknowledge how they might be hurtful to the parents.
I had a couple of friends with very abusive childhoods who maintained contact with these parents; the extent of the damage caused by their parents was enough that it warped them and their perception of the world, and I needed to cut them off for being toxic and abusive themselves. I think that to reconcile the harm done to them, they had to adopt a worldview that made that damage make sense (otherwise, they were abused for no fucking reason, and that was too much to take), but I couldn't remain friends with them. I wish that they had cut off contact with their parents, as I think they ended up causing them additional harm...but that is also their choice.
- Some children are abusive and awful themselves. I have a sibling who I think has a personality in the dark triad - they are manipulative, domineering, and incredibly self-centered. They nurse a "garden of resentments" and collect damaging information on others, for the sole purpose of using it against the owner at the most opportune and devastating time. I have also gone low-contact with them, as they have a tendency to make family functions and get-togethers a nightmare. My sibling is often awful to be around, and they have decided that our non-abusive parent is one of the main sources of all their problems, going out of their way to be rude, dismissive, and cruel publicly and at family gatherings. I've talked about this behaviour with them both - my parent feels that my sibling has never had much respect for them (based on my abusive parent's behavior and parenting), and most attempts they have made to try to talk about or address my sibling's pain are rejected. I really wish my sibling would either go to therapy or just cut our parents off, because they make home visits excruciating. I also recognize that my non-abusive parent contributed to my sibling's suffering, but I feel like my abusive parent gets hardly any blame for their role, because they have their own mental health issues.
Anyway - the tldr point I'm trying to make, regarding someone I personally know very, very well, is that some children may end up blaming a parent for issues in their lives that are not actually their fault, or greatly overestimate the role they played in those issues. I do think there are cases where the children probably are wrong in the extent to which a parent was to blame, and I think that is also a concern I have seen expressed in this thread (and which my non-abusive parent currently experiences with my sibling). In an article, showing the perspective of either my abusive or non-abusive parent would be interesting, I think - the abusive parent is genuinely confused about why no one likes them, and regrets their past actions (while continuong to repeat them), whereas my non-abusive parent has largely accepted their lot in life, but is sad about it. That being said, it is my sibling's prerogative to adjust the amount of time they want to spend with either of our parents, they just drive me nuts in terms of how they feel the need to publicly and inappropriately express their disdain, and ruin family time repeatedly.
I think everyone here has a right to share how they feel; what I hope is that rather than thinking someone on either side is morally broken or evil, we consider that cutting off family members may be an important way children cope with the pain of their past, and sharing the view of a parent - even if they're abusive - does not necessarily condone their behaviour. When I got around to reading "Why Does He Do That?" after leaving a very abusive relationship, it was very hard to read, but also helped me understand that I could have recognized my ex's shitty behaviour if I had a better understanding of how his abusive mind worked in the first place. I needed more information to make better decisions, and I do think there's value in making those viewpoints public, especially for the happy-family folks who have no idea about these things at all!
-
Comment on How are we all feeling about piracy these days? in ~movies
cheep_cheep Link ParentThis has definitely been my experience. If I can't swing open access, I put all my papers on researchgate, and I definitely have sent copies of my papers to interested people. Having people...This has definitely been my experience. If I can't swing open access, I put all my papers on researchgate, and I definitely have sent copies of my papers to interested people. Having people interested in reading your papers in the first place is great! And if they read it, they may cite it, so I always take the time to make my work available. I would guess that later career researchers don't care as much, whereas early career researchers need the citations, and are more interested in having you read their work.
-
Comment on How are we all feeling about piracy these days? in ~movies
cheep_cheep Link ParentNot every researcher has a grant, especially these days, and not every grant will pay for every set of charges. Some big institutions have waivers now, but those also don't apply to every journal,...Not every researcher has a grant, especially these days, and not every grant will pay for every set of charges. Some big institutions have waivers now, but those also don't apply to every journal, so finding the right journal depends a lot on who you are, where you are, and how badly you want to navigate the morass of rules and exceptions...
Note too that unless you have the money, open access is much more expensive, always at least a few thousand dollars. And some journals are only open access now, meaning you either need good funding or a lot of disposable income.
-
Comment on Graveyard Keeper 2 announced for 2026. Original game now free to keep on Steam. in ~games
cheep_cheep Link ParentAgreed on the grindiness, but also agree that the treatment of time was great. Sometimes I stayed up for days, and the penalty to health was so minor at higher levels that I could run around...Agreed on the grindiness, but also agree that the treatment of time was great. Sometimes I stayed up for days, and the penalty to health was so minor at higher levels that I could run around endlessly. I realized after that farming sims that arbitrarily force you to sleep every night are bs, I much prefer to be able to stay up forever! Curious to see what they add for the second game.
-
Comment on Suggest media in which the antagonist is an idea or an abstract concept rather than a person or intelligent entity in ~talk
cheep_cheep Link ParentIt is definitely unique, and for that reason I think it's at least worth checking out from the library. Actually reading and enjoying the book is a different matter, and at times it feels like a...It is definitely unique, and for that reason I think it's at least worth checking out from the library. Actually reading and enjoying the book is a different matter, and at times it feels like a form of performance art. Ok for the first half hour, but I found it very tedious after awhile, and the payoff wasn't worth it. I don't regret reading it! But I wouldn't do it again, and I gave my copy away.
-
Comment on TV series suggestions in ~tv
cheep_cheep (edited )Link ParentThat's awesome! I hope there's something in there that strikes your fancy. I asked my spouse directly, and he had a couple more suggestions (I haven't watched these, so I can't give specifics):...That's awesome! I hope there's something in there that strikes your fancy. I asked my spouse directly, and he had a couple more suggestions (I haven't watched these, so I can't give specifics):
Halt and Catch Fire
The Leftovers
Queen's Gambit
True Detective ("skip ahead to S4!")I didn't mention it at first, but you and your wife might like Pen15 - it's a show about middle school, but two women in their late 30s (I think?) star as two middle school best friends, and their classmates are all played by actual middle schoolers. It can be really ridiculous and absurd, but it looks back at middle school from an adult's perspective, and has a lot of nostalgia for 90s/early aughts culture, which resonated very deeply for us. It has off the charts cringe at times, but it's very memorable, and very well done!
-
Comment on Suggest media in which the antagonist is an idea or an abstract concept rather than a person or intelligent entity in ~talk
cheep_cheep Link ParentI know some people really love House of Leaves, but I found it to be kind of a mess. Yes, there is a significant part of it that covers the weirdness of the house and an attempt to really...I know some people really love House of Leaves, but I found it to be kind of a mess. Yes, there is a significant part of it that covers the weirdness of the house and an attempt to really understand its impossible dimensions...but there is a good chunk of framing story that is bizarre, rambling, and fairly nonsensical, and there's hundreds of pages of this. It can be quite a slog, which adds a layer of "creepy" but also becomes really tired and boring, at least it did for me.
The house-specific parts of the story start out as more surreal and impossible, but later, it definitely becomes much more horror-focused, when people attempt to study the house in more detail. I'm not a great person to ask, because I didn't really enjoy or appreciate the book aside from as a literary device, but based on what you've written, I think it falls into some of the tropes you dislike. You can always try it out and enjoy the story for what it is? It's definitely not like other things I've read.
-
Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
cheep_cheep LinkI'm so sorry you're going through this, it's deeply unfair to you, especially after all the work you did trying to keep your household afloat. I think there's some great comments in here, so I'll...I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's deeply unfair to you, especially after all the work you did trying to keep your household afloat.
I think there's some great comments in here, so I'll highlight something a little different. I went through two different relationships that caused me a great deal of misery, and which took awhile to process and understand. I was deeply hurt by both, and only after the second relationship ended did I properly take a break from dating and really reflect on what happened to me, and how I treated myself.
I spent a lot of time by myself, and really allowed my thoughts and feelings to bubble up. I kept myself busy...but I also gave myself moments to just sit and think, no distractions. I realized that I had some pretty toxic ideas about relationship balance, and what was acceptable treatment from my partner, and the work I did to keep relationships working that really should not have continued. I realized that I had been taught that I "needed" to be with someone, and while I did appreciate having a boyfriend, I'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't care or was outright unkind or manipulative or gross. I did not come to that conclusion right away - I was hurt, and I was angry, and then I was really angry - like nuclear unhinged angry. I was angry at them, but really, I was mostly upset with myself. Why did I do that to myself? Why did I stay? (I know why I stayed, and there were reasons, but I realized that a bigger problem is that I was ok with being treated poorly, that for some reason I didn't think I deserved better...or, if I wasn't treated well, I somehow had "earned" it).
So I guess I'd recommend this - keep yourself busy...but not too busy. Let your brain process some of what happened subconsciously, and then take maybe an hour or two each week to be by yourself and just check in. What do you feel? What makes you feel that way? Is that feeling sensical? Is it actually based in reality? Who was your ex, really? What did you miss? What were the consequences to you? What would you do now if you were in that situation again, knowing everything you know now?
Your ex being a selfish asshole is not at all your fault. You did not deserve it, you didn't do anything to "earn" that outcome. But maybe consider, over the coming weeks - did you, like me, try too hard to compromise, when instead you should have advocated a little harder for yourself? Why did you do that? You can't change the past, and you can't change the person your ex is or was, but you can think about who you want to be, and the lessons you take from it. Feel all of your feelings, but try and draw out a little wisdom too, if you can.
-
Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
cheep_cheep Link ParentIt's interesting that you mention this. I dated an abusive man for several years, who slowly destroyed my happiness, autonomy, and sense of self, but I had a very hard time reconciling the...It's interesting that you mention this. I dated an abusive man for several years, who slowly destroyed my happiness, autonomy, and sense of self, but I had a very hard time reconciling the friendship we had - which was very close - with the extremely shitty and selfish "boyfriend" side of him. How can someone love me and yet treat me so terribly? The way I have sort of reconciled it to myself after many years is that my friend died. He's somewhere else now, and the person that remains isn't the man i knew. It's taken years and a couple rounds of therapy to come to that place, but that "explanation" feels correct to me, and it's helped me apply a sort of logic to what happened.
-
Comment on TV series suggestions in ~tv
cheep_cheep LinkYou have taste in TV very similar to my spouse, and while I'm not sure all of the things he's watched and loved lately (aside, off the top of my head, for the Lowdown and the latest Alien show),...You have taste in TV very similar to my spouse, and while I'm not sure all of the things he's watched and loved lately (aside, off the top of my head, for the Lowdown and the latest Alien show), here are a few lighthearted shows we watched that haven't been mentioned yet:
Colin from Accounts: Australian comedy show about a younger woman and older man who start dating and have a series of misunderstandings. Relies a bit more on cringe humour than I'd like, but generally great.
Fantasmas - it's a Julio Torres series. I can't say much more than that, but it's strange, heartwarming, and deeply weird all at the same time.
Glow - Mark Marron starts up a women's wrestling group in the 80s. Very funny and absurd, also has Alison Brie in a major role.
Lodge 49 - a dramedy about the goings on and secrets of a club called The Lynx, which gets increasingly weird as the series goes on. Has an awesome soundtrack, and the lead is amazing.
Los Espookys - a weird, absurd, and comedic series about a group of people who help clients deal with restless ghosts. Also includes Julio Torres.
Primo - has just one season, but it's a comedy that follows an awkward teenage boy, his single mom, and his five ridiculous uncles.
Reservation Dogs - a group of indigenous teenagers and their life on a reservation in Oklahoma; very silly, and especially great at showing a lot of different indigenous actors in very untraditional roles, most notably Gary Farmer and Zahn McClarnon!
Somebody Somewhere - a heartwarming and lighthearted series about a woman trying to recover from the death of her sister, and making some new friends in Kansas.
This Way Up - an Irish tutor gets into all kinds of silliness with her family, coworkers, and clients after a mental breakdown.
We Are Lady Parts - a group of Muslim women start a punk band, navigating the music industry and bigotry and internal disagreements.
-
Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentGood point - I thought about including Jewish people in there, but then you get into the messy gray area of "isn't this just regular old genocide?" Typically, cultural genocide tries to keep the...Good point - I thought about including Jewish people in there, but then you get into the messy gray area of "isn't this just regular old genocide?" Typically, cultural genocide tries to keep the people alive, and focuses more on "re-education", but in most of my examples, a lot of people were also killed.
-
Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentIt's the destruction or eradication of a particular culture, usually a minority culture relative to the majority. See: Uighur Muslims in China, Ukrainians in Russian-occupied Donbas, Palestinians...It's the destruction or eradication of a particular culture, usually a minority culture relative to the majority. See: Uighur Muslims in China, Ukrainians in Russian-occupied Donbas, Palestinians in Israel, Indigenous Tribes and First Nations in NA ("Save the man, kill the Indian")...
-
Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentI am neither Francophone nor Canadian :) but I lived in Canada long enough and have enough family there to know a bit about language dynamics. One thing to consider is that many neighborhoods and...I am neither Francophone nor Canadian :) but I lived in Canada long enough and have enough family there to know a bit about language dynamics. One thing to consider is that many neighborhoods and even regions are highly segregated, where they really either speak one or the other, and while you may learn the other in school, no one in your community regularly speaks it and so you may get rusty. It's actually a major issue with French immersion, where you may learn French technical terms as an anglophone for more than a decade, attend an anglophone university, and then feel completely lost because you don't know the terminology in English! I know quite a few people who had this issue.
It is weird, and I'm guessing it's a historical artifact from colonialism? The Acadians and the French had their colonies, the English had their colonies, and many of those historical language divisions are still present after a couple hundred years. While they are meant to be equal in status, in reality they aren't. I think another thing frustrating for Francophones is that they do try to learn English (because so many anglophones come to their communities), but many anglophones don't bother to learn French, or speak it exceedingly poorly, and that also causes the francophones anger, which then makes Québec, for example, take a very ungracious stance on English (to reflect how they feel about anglophones, and in particular Canadian anglophones).
You don't want to know how First Nations are treated, and how many (any?) people in Ottawa speak Inuktitut (one of the territorial languages of Nunavut).
-
Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentBecause French is one of the two national languages, but the federal government does very little to protect the rights of French speakers, who do exist outside of Québec. Québec worked to do what...Because French is one of the two national languages, but the federal government does very little to protect the rights of French speakers, who do exist outside of Québec. Québec worked to do what the federal government wouldn't, and while they may come off as militant to anglophones, in many ways, they are the ones who are working hardest to make sure that the rights of francophones are recognized. The disconnect may be that you are not familiar with what it's like to live in a country with national languages, and unequal enforcement of language rights (apologies if I'm incorrect).
-
Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep (edited )Link ParentNot a citizen, but long-term resident: Canada has two official national languages (plus recognized territorial languages for First Nations), and it's federal law that any federal guidance needs to...Not a citizen, but long-term resident: Canada has two official national languages (plus recognized territorial languages for First Nations), and it's federal law that any federal guidance needs to be provided in both national languages. Items at the grocery store or pharmacy have labels printed in both languages. Emails from the government and many companies are written in both languages. Debates for Prime Minister are held in English and French (leading to much speculation about how badly some candidates will speak French).
Provinces vary a lot based on how much French they speak, where there's very few speakers in western Canada, quite a lot further east (especially in New Brunswick and Ontario), and Québec is the hub of French language protection, requiring that immigrants have proficiency in French and street signs etc must be in French. School districts are divided into being anglophone or Francophone, and universities have dominant languages. It's a big deal, and a huge part of life on Canada, and a major tension point for politics, because...
Most Canadians don't speak French. To work for the federal government, you need to pass a proficiency test in both languages, but passing the French portion doesn't necessarily mean you're sufficiently proficient to be able to help a Francophone caller with their problems, and that's a very frequent complaint from francophones (and they're right). French in Canada also has strong dialects, where Québécois sounds very different from Chiac in New Brunswick, and both sound quite different from Parisian French (which is what many Canadian schools and the military teach, for some bizarre reason). Many anglophone students also undergo French immersion, where they take French classes taught by Francophone teachers in an anglophone school, but this is different from attending a Francophone school. English is often treated as the "default" language, and despite Quebec's laws to protect French, the use of French has declined over time there, leading to concerns for francophones and support for them, especially considering their issues already in getting sufficient help in French. These concerns are so strong that one of the biggest political parties in Quebec is the Bloc Québécois, which exists pretty much entirely to advocate for Quebec alone and Francophone rights in particular, much to the irritation of most other provinces (which seems needlessly self involved, from their perspective).
Also: Air Canada is by far the biggest airline in Canada, and because Canada has so few people and is so enormous in terms of land area, most people are going to be stuck using Air Canada at some point (especially because there are so few other airline options - it's very different from the USA).
Now: take the above comment and contextualize that with everything I just wrote. This is yet another example of anglophones thinking they don't need to speak French, and it's even more egregious given that the flight originated from Montreal and Air Canada is such an important company, used by most Canadians. You might expect this from someone in Alberta, but you really can't be the CEO of the biggest Canadian airline and not expect to get pushback!
That's the best news I've heard all week! Enjoy, and you are always welcome to any future keys I have available for giveaways :)