cheep_cheep's recent activity
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Comment on Suggest media in which the antagonist is an idea or an abstract concept rather than a person or intelligent entity in ~talk
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Comment on TV series suggestions in ~tv
cheep_cheep (edited )Link ParentThat's awesome! I hope there's something in there that strikes your fancy. I asked my spouse directly, and he had a couple more suggestions (I haven't watched these, so I can't give specifics):...That's awesome! I hope there's something in there that strikes your fancy. I asked my spouse directly, and he had a couple more suggestions (I haven't watched these, so I can't give specifics):
Halt and Catch Fire
The Leftovers
Queen's Gambit
True Detective ("skip ahead to S4!")I didn't mention it at first, but you and your wife might like Pen15 - it's a show about middle school, but two women in their late 30s (I think?) star as two middle school best friends, and their classmates are all played by actual middle schoolers. It can be really ridiculous and absurd, but it looks back at middle school from an adult's perspective, and has a lot of nostalgia for 90s/early aughts culture, which resonated very deeply for us. It has off the charts cringe at times, but it's very memorable, and very well done!
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Comment on Suggest media in which the antagonist is an idea or an abstract concept rather than a person or intelligent entity in ~talk
cheep_cheep Link ParentI know some people really love House of Leaves, but I found it to be kind of a mess. Yes, there is a significant part of it that covers the weirdness of the house and an attempt to really...I know some people really love House of Leaves, but I found it to be kind of a mess. Yes, there is a significant part of it that covers the weirdness of the house and an attempt to really understand its impossible dimensions...but there is a good chunk of framing story that is bizarre, rambling, and fairly nonsensical, and there's hundreds of pages of this. It can be quite a slog, which adds a layer of "creepy" but also becomes really tired and boring, at least it did for me.
The house-specific parts of the story start out as more surreal and impossible, but later, it definitely becomes much more horror-focused, when people attempt to study the house in more detail. I'm not a great person to ask, because I didn't really enjoy or appreciate the book aside from as a literary device, but based on what you've written, I think it falls into some of the tropes you dislike. You can always try it out and enjoy the story for what it is? It's definitely not like other things I've read.
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Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
cheep_cheep LinkI'm so sorry you're going through this, it's deeply unfair to you, especially after all the work you did trying to keep your household afloat. I think there's some great comments in here, so I'll...I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's deeply unfair to you, especially after all the work you did trying to keep your household afloat.
I think there's some great comments in here, so I'll highlight something a little different. I went through two different relationships that caused me a great deal of misery, and which took awhile to process and understand. I was deeply hurt by both, and only after the second relationship ended did I properly take a break from dating and really reflect on what happened to me, and how I treated myself.
I spent a lot of time by myself, and really allowed my thoughts and feelings to bubble up. I kept myself busy...but I also gave myself moments to just sit and think, no distractions. I realized that I had some pretty toxic ideas about relationship balance, and what was acceptable treatment from my partner, and the work I did to keep relationships working that really should not have continued. I realized that I had been taught that I "needed" to be with someone, and while I did appreciate having a boyfriend, I'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't care or was outright unkind or manipulative or gross. I did not come to that conclusion right away - I was hurt, and I was angry, and then I was really angry - like nuclear unhinged angry. I was angry at them, but really, I was mostly upset with myself. Why did I do that to myself? Why did I stay? (I know why I stayed, and there were reasons, but I realized that a bigger problem is that I was ok with being treated poorly, that for some reason I didn't think I deserved better...or, if I wasn't treated well, I somehow had "earned" it).
So I guess I'd recommend this - keep yourself busy...but not too busy. Let your brain process some of what happened subconsciously, and then take maybe an hour or two each week to be by yourself and just check in. What do you feel? What makes you feel that way? Is that feeling sensical? Is it actually based in reality? Who was your ex, really? What did you miss? What were the consequences to you? What would you do now if you were in that situation again, knowing everything you know now?
Your ex being a selfish asshole is not at all your fault. You did not deserve it, you didn't do anything to "earn" that outcome. But maybe consider, over the coming weeks - did you, like me, try too hard to compromise, when instead you should have advocated a little harder for yourself? Why did you do that? You can't change the past, and you can't change the person your ex is or was, but you can think about who you want to be, and the lessons you take from it. Feel all of your feelings, but try and draw out a little wisdom too, if you can.
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Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
cheep_cheep Link ParentIt's interesting that you mention this. I dated an abusive man for several years, who slowly destroyed my happiness, autonomy, and sense of self, but I had a very hard time reconciling the...It's interesting that you mention this. I dated an abusive man for several years, who slowly destroyed my happiness, autonomy, and sense of self, but I had a very hard time reconciling the friendship we had - which was very close - with the extremely shitty and selfish "boyfriend" side of him. How can someone love me and yet treat me so terribly? The way I have sort of reconciled it to myself after many years is that my friend died. He's somewhere else now, and the person that remains isn't the man i knew. It's taken years and a couple rounds of therapy to come to that place, but that "explanation" feels correct to me, and it's helped me apply a sort of logic to what happened.
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Comment on TV series suggestions in ~tv
cheep_cheep LinkYou have taste in TV very similar to my spouse, and while I'm not sure all of the things he's watched and loved lately (aside, off the top of my head, for the Lowdown and the latest Alien show),...You have taste in TV very similar to my spouse, and while I'm not sure all of the things he's watched and loved lately (aside, off the top of my head, for the Lowdown and the latest Alien show), here are a few lighthearted shows we watched that haven't been mentioned yet:
Colin from Accounts: Australian comedy show about a younger woman and older man who start dating and have a series of misunderstandings. Relies a bit more on cringe humour than I'd like, but generally great.
Fantasmas - it's a Julio Torres series. I can't say much more than that, but it's strange, heartwarming, and deeply weird all at the same time.
Glow - Mark Marron starts up a women's wrestling group in the 80s. Very funny and absurd, also has Alison Brie in a major role.
Lodge 49 - a dramedy about the goings on and secrets of a club called The Lynx, which gets increasingly weird as the series goes on. Has an awesome soundtrack, and the lead is amazing.
Los Espookys - a weird, absurd, and comedic series about a group of people who help clients deal with restless ghosts. Also includes Julio Torres.
Primo - has just one season, but it's a comedy that follows an awkward teenage boy, his single mom, and his five ridiculous uncles.
Reservation Dogs - a group of indigenous teenagers and their life on a reservation in Oklahoma; very silly, and especially great at showing a lot of different indigenous actors in very untraditional roles, most notably Gary Farmer and Zahn McClarnon!
Somebody Somewhere - a heartwarming and lighthearted series about a woman trying to recover from the death of her sister, and making some new friends in Kansas.
This Way Up - an Irish tutor gets into all kinds of silliness with her family, coworkers, and clients after a mental breakdown.
We Are Lady Parts - a group of Muslim women start a punk band, navigating the music industry and bigotry and internal disagreements.
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Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentGood point - I thought about including Jewish people in there, but then you get into the messy gray area of "isn't this just regular old genocide?" Typically, cultural genocide tries to keep the...Good point - I thought about including Jewish people in there, but then you get into the messy gray area of "isn't this just regular old genocide?" Typically, cultural genocide tries to keep the people alive, and focuses more on "re-education", but in most of my examples, a lot of people were also killed.
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Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentIt's the destruction or eradication of a particular culture, usually a minority culture relative to the majority. See: Uighur Muslims in China, Ukrainians in Russian-occupied Donbas, Palestinians...It's the destruction or eradication of a particular culture, usually a minority culture relative to the majority. See: Uighur Muslims in China, Ukrainians in Russian-occupied Donbas, Palestinians in Israel, Indigenous Tribes and First Nations in NA ("Save the man, kill the Indian")...
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Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentI am neither Francophone nor Canadian :) but I lived in Canada long enough and have enough family there to know a bit about language dynamics. One thing to consider is that many neighborhoods and...I am neither Francophone nor Canadian :) but I lived in Canada long enough and have enough family there to know a bit about language dynamics. One thing to consider is that many neighborhoods and even regions are highly segregated, where they really either speak one or the other, and while you may learn the other in school, no one in your community regularly speaks it and so you may get rusty. It's actually a major issue with French immersion, where you may learn French technical terms as an anglophone for more than a decade, attend an anglophone university, and then feel completely lost because you don't know the terminology in English! I know quite a few people who had this issue.
It is weird, and I'm guessing it's a historical artifact from colonialism? The Acadians and the French had their colonies, the English had their colonies, and many of those historical language divisions are still present after a couple hundred years. While they are meant to be equal in status, in reality they aren't. I think another thing frustrating for Francophones is that they do try to learn English (because so many anglophones come to their communities), but many anglophones don't bother to learn French, or speak it exceedingly poorly, and that also causes the francophones anger, which then makes Québec, for example, take a very ungracious stance on English (to reflect how they feel about anglophones, and in particular Canadian anglophones).
You don't want to know how First Nations are treated, and how many (any?) people in Ottawa speak Inuktitut (one of the territorial languages of Nunavut).
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Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep Link ParentBecause French is one of the two national languages, but the federal government does very little to protect the rights of French speakers, who do exist outside of Québec. Québec worked to do what...Because French is one of the two national languages, but the federal government does very little to protect the rights of French speakers, who do exist outside of Québec. Québec worked to do what the federal government wouldn't, and while they may come off as militant to anglophones, in many ways, they are the ones who are working hardest to make sure that the rights of francophones are recognized. The disconnect may be that you are not familiar with what it's like to live in a country with national languages, and unequal enforcement of language rights (apologies if I'm incorrect).
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Comment on Air Canada CEO will retire this year after his English-only crash message was criticized in ~transport
cheep_cheep (edited )Link ParentNot a citizen, but long-term resident: Canada has two official national languages (plus recognized territorial languages for First Nations), and it's federal law that any federal guidance needs to...Not a citizen, but long-term resident: Canada has two official national languages (plus recognized territorial languages for First Nations), and it's federal law that any federal guidance needs to be provided in both national languages. Items at the grocery store or pharmacy have labels printed in both languages. Emails from the government and many companies are written in both languages. Debates for Prime Minister are held in English and French (leading to much speculation about how badly some candidates will speak French).
Provinces vary a lot based on how much French they speak, where there's very few speakers in western Canada, quite a lot further east (especially in New Brunswick and Ontario), and Québec is the hub of French language protection, requiring that immigrants have proficiency in French and street signs etc must be in French. School districts are divided into being anglophone or Francophone, and universities have dominant languages. It's a big deal, and a huge part of life on Canada, and a major tension point for politics, because...
Most Canadians don't speak French. To work for the federal government, you need to pass a proficiency test in both languages, but passing the French portion doesn't necessarily mean you're sufficiently proficient to be able to help a Francophone caller with their problems, and that's a very frequent complaint from francophones (and they're right). French in Canada also has strong dialects, where Québécois sounds very different from Chiac in New Brunswick, and both sound quite different from Parisian French (which is what many Canadian schools and the military teach, for some bizarre reason). Many anglophone students also undergo French immersion, where they take French classes taught by Francophone teachers in an anglophone school, but this is different from attending a Francophone school. English is often treated as the "default" language, and despite Quebec's laws to protect French, the use of French has declined over time there, leading to concerns for francophones and support for them, especially considering their issues already in getting sufficient help in French. These concerns are so strong that one of the biggest political parties in Quebec is the Bloc Québécois, which exists pretty much entirely to advocate for Quebec alone and Francophone rights in particular, much to the irritation of most other provinces (which seems needlessly self involved, from their perspective).
Also: Air Canada is by far the biggest airline in Canada, and because Canada has so few people and is so enormous in terms of land area, most people are going to be stuck using Air Canada at some point (especially because there are so few other airline options - it's very different from the USA).
Now: take the above comment and contextualize that with everything I just wrote. This is yet another example of anglophones thinking they don't need to speak French, and it's even more egregious given that the flight originated from Montreal and Air Canada is such an important company, used by most Canadians. You might expect this from someone in Alberta, but you really can't be the CEO of the biggest Canadian airline and not expect to get pushback!
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Comment on TV series suggestions in ~tv
cheep_cheep Link ParentSeconding Extraordinary Attorney Woo! It's a South Korean procedural about a young autistic woman who joins a law firm, and highlights her brilliance and her difficulties in the context of each...Seconding Extraordinary Attorney Woo! It's a South Korean procedural about a young autistic woman who joins a law firm, and highlights her brilliance and her difficulties in the context of each episode's wider drama. The characters are unique, and they end up feeling like a quirky big family, and it has a pretty long first season, so there's lots to watch.
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Comment on I think Tildes moderators and admins may need to make a decision regarding how to handle Harry Potter related posts in ~tildes
cheep_cheep Link ParentI grew up with HP and so I have positive (albeit complicated) feelings about the series, but I would really not consider my positive feelings on any piece of media as a major part of my identity....I grew up with HP and so I have positive (albeit complicated) feelings about the series, but I would really not consider my positive feelings on any piece of media as a major part of my identity. Elevating one specific media series to the point where its fans need a disclaimer about potential discussions seems rather odd to me, and I don't think this suggestion makes a ton of sense in the context of this community. This is not Reddit.
I think most community members learn through trial and error which topics have strong opinions associated with them, and I think the best thing to do would be for ardent HP fans to recognize that there's a fair number of trans folks here, that they are deeply harmed by the actions of JKR, and they may want to weigh in on any discussion that brings her up. The best thing for ardent HP fans would be to recognize that and not get bogged down in arguments about it, and not take personally the anger or despair of people who are being actively harmed and marginalized by her activities. At the end of the day, HP is just a media franchise. It's not that deep. If you feel like you can't have the conversations you want to have here, this isn't the right place for you.
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Comment on Requesting your thoughts that may help me decide between moving to Chicago or Portland (Oregon)? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentI love Chicago and have visited many times, but I grew up in the Midwest and so I'm used to the summer humidity and the brutally windy winters. I echo that the weather can be really rough if...I love Chicago and have visited many times, but I grew up in the Midwest and so I'm used to the summer humidity and the brutally windy winters. I echo that the weather can be really rough if you're not used to it, especially if you're coming from Texas! Illinois does not have a lot of trees generally, and so it can be brutally windy and cold, and there's not much refuge from the sun in the summer. I strongly recommend a visit before choosing to live there - I love the look of Rust Belt cities (feels like home), but it is definitely not for everyone.
Another consideration that I haven't seen mentioned yet - Chicago has some of the worst traffic in the USA. The city is huge, and I have had friends living in the suburbs that had a two hour commute one-way. People also drive like total maniacs, but that's true of a lot of places. If you are planning to move there, you'll want to think pretty hard about what neighbourhood you want to move to and the COL - I was looking potentially at working in the city and a lot of housing has extra fees that drive the rent up a bit.
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep Link ParentTo be clear, I count intersex and transwomen in that group, and they should be represented as participants, because they are. Glory and competition are secondary to fairness, and bigotry shouldn't...To be clear, I count intersex and transwomen in that group, and they should be represented as participants, because they are. Glory and competition are secondary to fairness, and bigotry shouldn't have any place at all, especially in the Olympics. Bigotry is unfortunately what the IOC's current policy is compared to their old one, which did genuinely (if ham-fistedly) attempt to really dig down into what was "fair" - I assume that they abandoned the entire data-based approach because there is a lot of gray, and there is no "right" "scientific" answer, which is why they turned instead to a simply defined but highly inaccurate categorical division.
If I were a cis female athlete, I would be doing everything in my power to boycott the Olympics, because hell the fuck no i'm not subjecting myself to genetic testing. It's none of their fucking business.
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep Link ParentThat's amazing! A family member of mine has recently gotten into weightlifting and she also has made amazing progress, and it's so fun to watch her get more and more jacked. I hope you continue to...That's amazing! A family member of mine has recently gotten into weightlifting and she also has made amazing progress, and it's so fun to watch her get more and more jacked. I hope you continue to have a wonderful time watching and participating in weightlifting!
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep Link ParentAs a woman who competed in women's sports through high school, I would not feel disadvantaged if a trans or intersex athlete was on my team. My feeling about sports is that they're supposed to...As a woman who competed in women's sports through high school, I would not feel disadvantaged if a trans or intersex athlete was on my team. My feeling about sports is that they're supposed to represent camaraderie and teamwork, especially at younger ages, and for people who don't fall neatly into the binary, we can actually do a lot toward inclusion and community building by allowing all people to participate. The vast majority of children are just playing for fun, they're not going to have any career success in sports, and it's nonsensical to me that we should try "protecting" children from their peers because we want them to have the best chance to win trophies and titles. Trophies and titles don't mean shit. People do.
When you start thinking about more elite levels - say, the NCAA system or international competitions (various world cups) - I think it's best to ask other athletes, and in particular, the athletes competing in women's sports. Many and maybe even most athletes accept their teammates and support them. And can we please consider what we are doing when we try so hard to define "what is a "real" woman" for sporting purposes? It's about who's best at running real fast or jumping real high and who gets to put the shiny piece of metal around their neck. I love almost all sports and I will watch almost anything, but elevating trinkets and bragging rights over our humanity is totally missing the point, in my opinion. Are these the values we think are most important??? There have been so many studies about how sex is not easily divided into categories, and attempts to "biologically" define what is fair to women have been messy and inconsistent, leading to the current IOC that completely lacks nuance. I don't think this makes sports better, it is invasive and bigoted toward women. I would absolutely rather have an committee of current female athletes work together to come up with a policy they are comfortable with, especially if they will need to undergo invasive testing that can be made public accidentally or through malice.
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep Link ParentThe way intersex people are being exposed, bullied, and harassed is one of the most upsetting parts of this whole saga for me. Many people don't even know they're intersex, and then it's made...The way intersex people are being exposed, bullied, and harassed is one of the most upsetting parts of this whole saga for me. Many people don't even know they're intersex, and then it's made suddenly very public, with a tidal wave of hate following them around out of nowhere. All because they wanted to pursue becoming an elite athlete. Most people don't even know or acknowledge that intersex people exist, either, which just compounds the hate, bigotry, and erasure. It's absolutely awful, and the IOC is leading the way.
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep Link ParentFor every person who complained about Laurel Hubbard being included in women's weightlifting while trans, I want them to tell me whether they watch women's weightlifting, or any weightlifting at...For every person who complained about Laurel Hubbard being included in women's weightlifting while trans, I want them to tell me whether they watch women's weightlifting, or any weightlifting at all, actually. No? Then shut the fuck up. (Also: weightlifting is amazing, and the smallest weight class (<48 kilos!) has some especially incredible athletes, and makes me feel like a total scrub in comparison. Judo, too! Those ladies are badasses.)
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep Link ParentI get the impression that after years and multiple attempts to look for nuance, like looking at hormone levels and performing physical examinations and other invasive procedures that these...- Exemplary
I get the impression that after years and multiple attempts to look for nuance, like looking at hormone levels and performing physical examinations and other invasive procedures that these athletes unnecessarily had to bear, the IOC threw up its hands and decided that a genetic test is simple, clear, fast, and concrete, thus negating the need to continually argue over whether athletes are eligible over the course of their careers. This of course obfuscates all of the nuances that make people who they are, and it's a pretty shocking rejection of the diversity of people by an organization that alleges it tries to be inclusive and supportive of diversity.
I really hope that groups fight back against this - I discovered yesterday that a literal convicted child rapist competed for the Netherlands in beach volleyball in 2024, and although there was a fair amount of public backlash against this, the IOC said "we have no power to decide whom national Olympic committees can to bring to the Olympics". How is it possible that they have no power there, and wash their hands of the whole business, but they are taking a horrifically backwards stance here? Why can't national committees bring who they want, if it fits in line with their sport's governing board? It reads more like they want to avoid messy controversy by throwing out the athletes who might cause backlash...but only if it's based on the perception (!) of one's gender. How did we get here?
Add on to this the very dubious records of many track and field athletes who were almost certainly doping in the 80s, many of whose records still stand today, and the hypocrisy is even more outrageous. I do not believe for a second that Caster Semenya's victories at the Olympics - which I personally found triumphant and moving - to be unfair any more than Michael Phelps's were with his unusual physiology. Bodies are weird. Some people just naturally are built to be weirdly good at certain physical activities. Why is Semenya's body unacceptable but Phelps's isn't?
I do think women's sports need to be protected, but not on the genetic front - female athletes get less financial support and often deal with all kinds of disrespect and abuse, and it's usually pretty obvious at the international level which countries provide funding for their female athletes to succeed and which don't, in ways that often aren't true for men. (Hockey and soccer are probably two of the most obvious - there's a fair amount of parity on the men's side, but women's hockey and soccer are typically dominated by the nations that have national leagues and provide support, and there aren't many). Even when those resources exist for women, they are often treated with mockery - see the NBA vs. the WNBA. Part of providing support for women's sport isn't defining more assiduously what a woman is, it's treating athletes competing with respect and support.
It is definitely unique, and for that reason I think it's at least worth checking out from the library. Actually reading and enjoying the book is a different matter, and at times it feels like a form of performance art. Ok for the first half hour, but I found it very tedious after awhile, and the payoff wasn't worth it. I don't regret reading it! But I wouldn't do it again, and I gave my copy away.