cheep_cheep's recent activity
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Comment on When do you know that you've found "the one"? in ~life
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Comment on When do you know that you've found "the one"? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentNot sure if it's his original thought, but I have heard Dan Savage say it many times (and a variation on "all relationships end" or "a relationship that ends isn't necessarily a failed one, it's...Not sure if it's his original thought, but I have heard Dan Savage say it many times (and a variation on "all relationships end" or "a relationship that ends isn't necessarily a failed one, it's just a relationship").
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Comment on When do you know that you've found "the one"? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentThis is really great insight! OP, I'm not sure where you are in life and relationships, but you don't necessarily have to get married, and I don't think everyone's relationship style or lifestyle...This is really great insight! OP, I'm not sure where you are in life and relationships, but you don't necessarily have to get married, and I don't think everyone's relationship style or lifestyle is necessarily suited to it.
For me, I wanted a person in my life with whom I could live with and be intimate with and make a family unit with. That doesn't require marriage, but I wanted a life partner. That also meant that I needed to find someone 1) that generally had similar interests, and that I enjoyed living and adventuring and talking with, 2) that I felt able to communicate with, and in particular able to disagree with, and 3) also wanted to be my life partner. I dated a few different people that failed critically on at least one of these points - I didn't feel able to disagree with a couple, and one just straight up did not listen to me, and one I found horrifically boring after a couple of years and I grew to actively dislike him. With all of the people I dated seriously, I felt committed to trying to make things work and only realized it wasn't working when some critically awful thing happened. I personally couldn't recognize when my love and effort weren't enough.
When I met my current husband, I had very low expectations initially. He was really cool and very easygoing, and he was also really supportive. There are times (now and also back then) where he could be really obstinate, or where it took multiple conversations to explain my feelings, but we were always able to get to a place where we understood each other, even if we didn't agree. We were both at places in our lives where we felt ready to be married, and I think that's also a really important criterion to marriage. When you feel ready to settle down and do the family thing, if you do, it's important to find a person that's also there. If I had met my spouse in my 20s, I don't think I would have been ready to settle down and likely would have polluted our relationship in some way. Timing was genuinely really important for me.
I don't think there's necessarily a way to know "the one". I've met some people I felt deeply connected with, and we are good friends, but personally I think there's a lot of other life mechanics that determine whether someone makes a good life partner/spouse. I agree with the adage that "love is not enough"; for me, both people need to be on the same page emotionally and try to be there for and support each other. It is an every day kind of thing, where you choose to be there and be supportive even when you might be tired and need a time out. I would recommend just doing the thing, live your life and see what happens.
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Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food
cheep_cheep Link ParentInteresting! This is probably why there's a whole list of potential constipating foods - I would imagine a celiac would not want to eat bread, but there's probably a specific type of veg or fibre...Interesting! This is probably why there's a whole list of potential constipating foods - I would imagine a celiac would not want to eat bread, but there's probably a specific type of veg or fibre that would do the job just right. This is why I'm the ecologist and my sister is the dietician...
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Comment on How to get better at academic writing quickly? in ~humanities
cheep_cheep Link ParentI agree with all of this advice, it's really great and covers a lot of important fundamentals. Piggybacking off here: *The best way to get better at writing is to write. Most academic writing goes...I agree with all of this advice, it's really great and covers a lot of important fundamentals. Piggybacking off here:
*The best way to get better at writing is to write. Most academic writing goes through multiple drafts - you will have personal drafts, coauthor drafts, supervisor drafts, reviewer drafts...few people, if anyone, write beautiful academic papers from scratch. So don't put the pressure on yourself to write perfectly from the start. This may be where LLMs are tempting, but I really recommend that you put in the legwork yourself. The LLM doesn't need practice, you do. So you need to go through all the phases of writing as you.
*If you can, write with someone else. Do you have an opportunity to do a lab paper or work as a coauthor? Can you do peer review on behalf of your supervisor? This allows you to see how others write in the editing stage, and to see different examples of what other writers do. A lot of peer review drafts are not good. I still beat myself up when writing and then roll my eyes sometimes when I see what makes it into peer review. Reminder: published writing has been reviewed and read and reviewed again many times. These are opportunities to improve and clarify your writing.
*Your thesis/dissertation will primarily be written by you and then picked apart by your supervisor, committee, and examiners. But after you graduate, you will rarely write alone and be responsible for everything. Find opportunities now to practice "real" publication quality writing. Find people to write with. Start a writing group with other grad students and come up with times to share things you've been working on. Have an "accountability buddy" to whom you report each week or two weeks - write a target number of words, or a section of a paper, or the intro to your thesis. Tell them if you didn't do it. Do the same for them. Work on your proposal if you're not that far - that can help serve as your thesis introduction. Practice summarizing the findings of literature you might cite, and use your own words. Intros and discussions synthesize and summarize existing information, whereas methods and results are didactic. There's nothing to interpret. Understand how these types of writing differ, and understand how to reference different source material.
*Advice from Stephen King that has been recommended to me repeatedly: in his book On Writing, he describes "swoopers" and "bashers". Bashers try to make every sentence perfect before moving on, agonizing over finding the perfect words or turn of phrase. This totally interrupts the flow of your writing, and causes you to stop instead of go. What you should try instead is swooping: when you are in "generate text" mode, just write. Write everything. Do you have a six part method? Summarize it, write all the steps down. Start with bullet points if you have to. Not sure how to frame your introduction? Start with a topic sentence outline. Leave placeholders for references you want to include later. Can't find any references to support your point? Do a lit search and see what is out there. Once you have text you can edit, then go back and agonize over the right word or structure. The point is that you can't edit something that isn't there, and it's a much better use of your time to just sit down and write shit than to self-flagellate and wonder what the LLM would say. Just write. Worry later. You will have plenty of opportunities for editing and feedback later :)
I am still not a great academic writer, but i've had enough practice that I can keep things moving. As much as possible, too, don't take feedback personally. There are some colossal assholes in academia that will try to make you feel bad about yourself. Ignore them completely. There is no need to be a flaming douchebag in review. If you edit someone else's work, think about offering constructive feedback, and give examples of what you would do differently. The author has the right to reject your feedback, but at least give them a good reason of what you would change. Writing is a lifelong skill to improve - hang in there, and keep at it! And if you ever are feeling bad, talk to your fellow students - I guarantee they feel very similarly.
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Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food
cheep_cheep Link ParentI felt bad that I couldn't remember more so I asked her - apparently you can also eat apples, applesauce, rice, bread, cooked carrots, and soluble fiber if you have diarrhea and don't have bananas...I felt bad that I couldn't remember more so I asked her - apparently you can also eat apples, applesauce, rice, bread, cooked carrots, and soluble fiber if you have diarrhea and don't have bananas handy.
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Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food
cheep_cheep Link ParentI'm paraphrasing because I'm an ecologist, but from what I understand, you want a good mix of vegetables, fruits, protein, carbs, healthy fats, and whole grains. She would have specific guidelines...I'm paraphrasing because I'm an ecologist, but from what I understand, you want a good mix of vegetables, fruits, protein, carbs, healthy fats, and whole grains. She would have specific guidelines and handouts, I'm sure, but unfortunately for you I know more about bird food than people food, so I can't really participate meaningfully in a human food debate.
I will say that everything she had told me sounds reasonable and fact-based, and she doesn't espouse any particular approach to eating - she just wants everyone to have the nutrients they need, however that works for the particular human in front of her. She gets frustrated with diet fads because they often contain some kind of critical nutrient imbalance that can cause more harm than good. She's the expert, so perhaps it would be good to talk to someone like her?
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Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food
cheep_cheep LinkI've never tried it. My sister is a dietician and has strong feelings about it, as you might imagine. Her opinion is that keto is for epileptics, and she's seen some really gnarly side effects for...I've never tried it. My sister is a dietician and has strong feelings about it, as you might imagine. Her opinion is that keto is for epileptics, and she's seen some really gnarly side effects for people who aren't. What I've learned from her: eat lots of whole grains, eat a balanced diet, it's ok to eat snacks in moderation. If you can't stop pooping bananas help. She would probably be offended that this is the bulk of what I remember of what she's told me but here we are!
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Comment on What is your dream game? in ~games
cheep_cheep LinkThis is a great question and I've never really thought about it. I want a Harvest Moon-style farming sim, but I want it to be real big - like, No Man's Sky level big. I want to go to different...This is a great question and I've never really thought about it. I want a Harvest Moon-style farming sim, but I want it to be real big - like, No Man's Sky level big. I want to go to different planets (or even star systems!) and harvest unique ingredients. I would like combat to be optional to promote a fully cozy experience (or Persona style, so I can befriend potential monsters/enemies and get the loot through cooperation). I want to collect minerals as well as plant or animal materials. And I want the depth of a Rune Factory style RPG, where I can make a variety of different things that have progression to them - basic food or crops, sure, but also weapons and equipment, pharmacy or healing items, or upgrades for my character. If things get really wild, we could throw in a Recettear or Moonlighter element where you can sell things in a store or some kind of interactive way (although if necessary, I could deal with a trading hub system kiosk like in No Man's Sky).
I'd like to see some potential variety in things to make, too - can I get different fibres to make different kinds of fabrics? What about bringing back different kinds of fauna to harvest different kinds of ingredients? It would be nice to have more crop variety than just radishes etc and fruit trees - what about reeds or or flax or cotton? What about different kinds of dyes? Let's just get really friggin crafty.
And, if I could do all this without the arbitrary "you better be in bed by midnight or else", like No Man's Sky, I would be the happiest little clam.
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Comment on Ella Langley’s ‘Choosin’ Texas’ finally breaks Mariah Carey’s all-time record for weeks at US no. 1, eclipsing ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ in ~music
cheep_cheep Link ParentInteresting, thank you for the background! I thought it was an odd trend, culminating in the exceptionally surreal Waylon, but generally I have appreciated the Netherlands' contributions when they...Interesting, thank you for the background! I thought it was an odd trend, culminating in the exceptionally surreal Waylon, but generally I have appreciated the Netherlands' contributions when they participate.
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Comment on Ella Langley’s ‘Choosin’ Texas’ finally breaks Mariah Carey’s all-time record for weeks at US no. 1, eclipsing ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ in ~music
cheep_cheep Link ParentThe Netherlands keeps sending twangy country acts to Eurovision, which personally I've always found jarring. I wouldn't be surprised if it's popular there.The Netherlands keeps sending twangy country acts to Eurovision, which personally I've always found jarring. I wouldn't be surprised if it's popular there.
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Comment on Everyday/week seems to fly by as I get older, how to change one's perception? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentI believe this. I am currently pregnant, I feel sick all the time, and each day is excruciating and unending. I don't think time has been this slow since I was ten and on summer vacation, but...I believe this. I am currently pregnant, I feel sick all the time, and each day is excruciating and unending. I don't think time has been this slow since I was ten and on summer vacation, but about 1% as fun.
This is also the recommendation of Dunbar from Catch-22. Wanna live longer? Make each second count by being as miserably bored as possible.
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Comment on On US Democrats who cave in response to anti-trans attack ads in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep (edited )Link ParentThe essay explains it a lot better than I did - typically, I don't think anyone would start talking about taking away the rights of citizens unless they'd been demonized in some way, and there has...- Exemplary
The essay explains it a lot better than I did - typically, I don't think anyone would start talking about taking away the rights of citizens unless they'd been demonized in some way, and there has to be some kind of wedge, slippery slope issue to start society down the path of debating someone's humanity. How do you entice normal, well-meaning people to clamour for segregation?
Sports are an issue that is really low stakes, and which you can use as a Trojan horse to appeal to people's feelings about gender and fairness for children or marginalized women, and that can seem really empathetic while actually having an ulterior motive. Once you open the door of "trans people don't deserve to be in sports, it's unfair", there's now a precedent to everything else - what else might be unfair or inappropriate? Should we be funding gender affirming care for trans minors? What if it's dangerous??? Should we allow discussion of trans perspectives in schools? What if it gives kids bad ideas??? Should we allow trans people to change their driver's licenses? If we already made gender definitions for sports...and on and on. Once that first precedent is set, there's an expectation that the line is now somewhere in the middle, and it's a matter of finding out where it is. We then get to debate as a society how many rights people deserve, which seems deeply dystopian.
The reason why I bring up sports specifically is that I think a lot of people might fundamentally be uncomfortable with a bathroom ban or health care restrictions, but think, "yeah, let's stand up for girls and women, let's give them the right to a fair competition". It seems like it's meant to be supportive, and the essay points out that a lot of the people that clamour about protecting girls don't actually give a shit about girls sports - it's just an excuse to be oppressive.
Another element of this saga is how the proliferation of genetic testing in professional women's sports is going to reveal a lot of very personal information about women who are intersex, and who will subsequently be shamed and attacked over something that no one had any idea about beforehand. Women have committed suicide over these kinds of tests, and it's a burden that is uniquely placed on women. It's absolutely awful. All so people can make money running really fast or kicking balls well. Like, for real??? What are we doing here? How is this "protecting women"?
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Comment on On US Democrats who cave in response to anti-trans attack ads in ~lgbt
cheep_cheep LinkCis lady here. This is a good, thought provoking essay. I think gender in sports is very messy, and there is no exact way to divide groups fairly; one point the author makes that rings very true...Cis lady here. This is a good, thought provoking essay. I think gender in sports is very messy, and there is no exact way to divide groups fairly; one point the author makes that rings very true to me is that if people are barred from participating in sports based on genetic tests, that sports will not be the end of that segregation. Once laws have been passed for the "protection" of a group of people, based on the villainization and dehumanization of another, I think it creates momentum to continue to segregate the villainized group in new ways. Where is it supposed to stop, particularly in places where a majority believes that those people are inhuman? I realize it's already happening, but it's also very scary. Is it not our moral obligation to fight the systematic marginalization of people, especially vulnerable ones?
I find a lot of the discourse (by cis people) about trans people difficult; I think some cis people use trans people as a shorthand to identify what they hate about modern wokeness, and I think I agree with the author that few, if any, people truly believe that trans people alone are costing politicians elections. But I do think it may also be more complex, that trans people for whatever reason are triggering for a certain kind of social ideology, much in the way that race does. What can be done about that? Is this a case where people who are trans becoming part of typical public consciousness and culture will gradually erode those bigoted feelings from most people, much like lesbian and gay people have over recent decades? Or is this a situation where the erosion of trans rights will continue undeterred for a particular political ideology, much as it has for many racialized people? How can that be stopped? How can the empathy of bigoted people be reached?
Thanks for sharing.
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Comment on Ed Sheeran’s tour in trouble after opening acts drop out in solidarity with rapper Macklemore in ~music
cheep_cheep Link ParentCBC helpfully points out Sheeran's hypocrisy here. He's more than happy to defend those suffering in Ukraine, so whatever hogwash he's spouting about ruining the vibes, man, is bullshit.CBC helpfully points out Sheeran's hypocrisy here. He's more than happy to defend those suffering in Ukraine, so whatever hogwash he's spouting about ruining the vibes, man, is bullshit.
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentWhat I mean, with the benefit of hindsight, is that what may appear on the surface as indecision may have a much deeper explanation. The parent comment is referring to having a cornucopia of...- Exemplary
What I mean, with the benefit of hindsight, is that what may appear on the surface as indecision may have a much deeper explanation. The parent comment is referring to having a cornucopia of choices and not wanting to make the wrong one; what I am referring to is a situation that is unhealthy, but actually leaving can require a fair amount of introspection and tackling of difficult truths, and that can't always be done in one sitting. On some level, you may know that you need to leave, but you aren't quite emotionally or mentally ready. In that case, I think it's important to look closely at one's "indecision" and ask why a choice isn't being made. Do you genuinely not know? Are you afraid of making a bad decision? Or are you afraid of being honest with yourself about something big and potentially very life changing? They mean different things and they should be treated differently, in my experience.
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentDepending on where it's coming from, though, indecision can be a sign that you want to say no but don't feel able to. If the activity is taking care of yourself, obviously that's not good, but if...Depending on where it's coming from, though, indecision can be a sign that you want to say no but don't feel able to. If the activity is taking care of yourself, obviously that's not good, but if it's with regard to an opportunity or a relationship, it may be a sign that something isn't working. Its good to also reflect on why you aren't making a decision.
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Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life
cheep_cheep LinkMy favourite weddings had lots of food, which was also freely available. One in particular had servers walking around with apps all evening so you could munch whenever you wanted something, and...My favourite weddings had lots of food, which was also freely available. One in particular had servers walking around with apps all evening so you could munch whenever you wanted something, and that was awesome. I know a lot of people like to do dinner or buffet-style, but frankly my feelings on the entire event will be on how much/how good the food is. The quality of food doesn't matter if you run out partway! More food is good. I will leave if I'm hungry, even if I like you a lot.
I echo what others have said about keeping the ceremony and other ceremonial necessities short/limited to the relevant people. My ceremony was religious but we cut out communion, and I know the religious family members appreciated that we kept it concise! I like when couples have their own riff on their ceremony, but coming from a very religious family, I appreciate religious services as well (and appreciate also when they are thoughtfully done and not endlessly meandering and droning, but YMMV based on expectations).
As someone that often gets invited to weddings where I don't know many more people than the bride or groom, I also appreciate when there are other things to do aside from sitting in a room - venue at a park so you can take a walk, games available so you can amuse yourself or make friends, wandering trays of food and comfy seating so you can sit and eat quietly if you don't want to make small talk for hours...
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Comment on How to spot a psychopath: ‘It’s like the difference between a domestic cat and a wild cat’ in ~science
cheep_cheep Link ParentThis is an excellent summary of what it's like, yes. I got away from my abuser almost a decade ago now, but reading that list brought everything back, all the dimensions of his cruelty and...This is an excellent summary of what it's like, yes. I got away from my abuser almost a decade ago now, but reading that list brought everything back, all the dimensions of his cruelty and selfishness.
My experience was very disorienting, but the thing for me was that he was nice and sweet and charming at first. It wasn't until we moved in together about a year into our relationship that I really noticed that he had this other side to him that was confusing and strange. The longer we lived together, the more he shared with me, and the more it felt like I saw the cyborg behind the man. It was like there were two of him, and he could flip into his uglier side with little warning (although I certainly did learn to read the signs). And he was so fun and charming around other people, I doubted myself, and later I doubted my ability to convince anyone as to what he was really like.
I'm a lot better now, but I still carry some damage from that time. I hope you're ok, chocobean.
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Comment on How to find a new calling in life? in ~life
cheep_cheep LinkI'm going to suggest a slightly different tack: my career has been rather meandering and unconventional, and recently I needed to make a major switch because of funding issues and loss of public...I'm going to suggest a slightly different tack: my career has been rather meandering and unconventional, and recently I needed to make a major switch because of funding issues and loss of public support for my field. I have had to balance the desire to do something I am trained to do and love vs. some random local job that is available so that I can pay the bills, and it's really given me new perspective.
I would generally advise against getting a degree "blindly", i.e. with no experience of what work in that sector feels like or knowing what the job market and prospects look like now or in a couple of years. Learning is often quite different to the reality of employment, and I would recommend some kind of volunteer/shadow/internship experience if you can swing it, just to see what it's like, what you do each day, and the expectations at work. Simple things like whether you take lunch breaks and how much overtime you work and what the dress code is can be really grating if you're not used to them, especially if you've been freelancing and remote.
I have found too that despite applying for things in my field for the last couple of years, there just isn't anything available, or nothing that is interesting to me. Sometimes the positions are temporary, or the pay sucks, or it would require a remote living location that just isn't feasible right now. Having a sense of what the job landscape looks right now is a good idea - are you willing to move? Commute? If so, how far? If you've been doing remote work for a long time, the reality of a local in-person job that requires you to be out with everyone else may also be jarring.
I ended up looking at local opportunities and was surprised by my options. There were a few things in local government related to emergency services and data management, postal workers, various kinds of office staff, veterinary staff, custodial jobs with decent pay and flexible hours, a variety of service jobs...I wasn't even fully aware of where there were job needs until I went looking close to home. You don't necessarily need to go back to school right away, and perhaps finding a local place with a good vibe can help steer you toward a viable option close to home. Sometimes your employer may pay for additional schooling or training, and seeing this up close can help you figure out what you might want to do. It's very hard to look from the outside and guess effectively at what might work for you, especially with things being in such flux, between changes in computing and stressors in the economy.
This is hard advice, but as much as you can, try not to worry about it. I was terrified of losing my funding and being unable to support my spouse, and I felt sick and kind of unhinged for months. I found a couple of viable employment options, I still dabble in my main field, and my new coworkers are in many ways a massive improvement over the last couple places I worked. I didn't even know that my current position existed until I found a job description, and now I know it's a field I could pursue in Canada as well if I stick with it for a couple more years. You really don't know what's out there until you look, and you don't necessarily know what other people are looking for until you put yourself out there. I ended up having a (totally unrelated) set of skills that made me fit very well for my current job, but the reason why my boss gave me a chance is that 1) we came to the field from a similar background and 2) I was local and 3) she's just cool like that. I'm certain if I applied to a place more distant they would have thrown me in the reject pile. I got rejected many times (I kept track - something like 63 rejections last year alone), and I think there is a genuine problem of too many applicants and too many tools to throw out as many resumes as possible before ever reading them. Being able to chat and have a real conversation may help, but part of it, in my experience, is just genuinely the quantity of applications made.
It's hard out there. You're still very young, and you have a long time to pursue many potential career options! See what's available to you and what's sounds interesting, and just try it out. McDonalds may end up being a major career stepping stone, who knows? Being brave, trying things, and keeping an open mind I think will serve you well.
Sadly, not a definitive criterion in my experience.