cheep_cheep's recent activity
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
cheep_cheep Link ParentDepending on where it's coming from, though, indecision can be a sign that you want to say no but don't feel able to. If the activity is taking care of yourself, obviously that's not good, but if...Depending on where it's coming from, though, indecision can be a sign that you want to say no but don't feel able to. If the activity is taking care of yourself, obviously that's not good, but if it's with regard to an opportunity or a relationship, it may be a sign that something isn't working. Its good to also reflect on why you aren't making a decision.
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Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life
cheep_cheep LinkMy favourite weddings had lots of food, which was also freely available. One in particular had servers walking around with apps all evening so you could munch whenever you wanted something, and...My favourite weddings had lots of food, which was also freely available. One in particular had servers walking around with apps all evening so you could munch whenever you wanted something, and that was awesome. I know a lot of people like to do dinner or buffet-style, but frankly my feelings on the entire event will be on how much/how good the food is. The quality of food doesn't matter if you run out partway! More food is good. I will leave if I'm hungry, even if I like you a lot.
I echo what others have said about keeping the ceremony and other ceremonial necessities short/limited to the relevant people. My ceremony was religious but we cut out communion, and I know the religious family members appreciated that we kept it concise! I like when couples have their own riff on their ceremony, but coming from a very religious family, I appreciate religious services as well (and appreciate also when they are thoughtfully done and not endlessly meandering and droning, but YMMV based on expectations).
As someone that often gets invited to weddings where I don't know many more people than the bride or groom, I also appreciate when there are other things to do aside from sitting in a room - venue at a park so you can take a walk, games available so you can amuse yourself or make friends, wandering trays of food and comfy seating so you can sit and eat quietly if you don't want to make small talk for hours...
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Comment on How to spot a psychopath: ‘It’s like the difference between a domestic cat and a wild cat’ in ~science
cheep_cheep Link ParentThis is an excellent summary of what it's like, yes. I got away from my abuser almost a decade ago now, but reading that list brought everything back, all the dimensions of his cruelty and...This is an excellent summary of what it's like, yes. I got away from my abuser almost a decade ago now, but reading that list brought everything back, all the dimensions of his cruelty and selfishness.
My experience was very disorienting, but the thing for me was that he was nice and sweet and charming at first. It wasn't until we moved in together about a year into our relationship that I really noticed that he had this other side to him that was confusing and strange. The longer we lived together, the more he shared with me, and the more it felt like I saw the cyborg behind the man. It was like there were two of him, and he could flip into his uglier side with little warning (although I certainly did learn to read the signs). And he was so fun and charming around other people, I doubted myself, and later I doubted my ability to convince anyone as to what he was really like.
I'm a lot better now, but I still carry some damage from that time. I hope you're ok, chocobean.
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Comment on How to find a new calling in life? in ~life
cheep_cheep LinkI'm going to suggest a slightly different tack: my career has been rather meandering and unconventional, and recently I needed to make a major switch because of funding issues and loss of public...I'm going to suggest a slightly different tack: my career has been rather meandering and unconventional, and recently I needed to make a major switch because of funding issues and loss of public support for my field. I have had to balance the desire to do something I am trained to do and love vs. some random local job that is available so that I can pay the bills, and it's really given me new perspective.
I would generally advise against getting a degree "blindly", i.e. with no experience of what work in that sector feels like or knowing what the job market and prospects look like now or in a couple of years. Learning is often quite different to the reality of employment, and I would recommend some kind of volunteer/shadow/internship experience if you can swing it, just to see what it's like, what you do each day, and the expectations at work. Simple things like whether you take lunch breaks and how much overtime you work and what the dress code is can be really grating if you're not used to them, especially if you've been freelancing and remote.
I have found too that despite applying for things in my field for the last couple of years, there just isn't anything available, or nothing that is interesting to me. Sometimes the positions are temporary, or the pay sucks, or it would require a remote living location that just isn't feasible right now. Having a sense of what the job landscape looks right now is a good idea - are you willing to move? Commute? If so, how far? If you've been doing remote work for a long time, the reality of a local in-person job that requires you to be out with everyone else may also be jarring.
I ended up looking at local opportunities and was surprised by my options. There were a few things in local government related to emergency services and data management, postal workers, various kinds of office staff, veterinary staff, custodial jobs with decent pay and flexible hours, a variety of service jobs...I wasn't even fully aware of where there were job needs until I went looking close to home. You don't necessarily need to go back to school right away, and perhaps finding a local place with a good vibe can help steer you toward a viable option close to home. Sometimes your employer may pay for additional schooling or training, and seeing this up close can help you figure out what you might want to do. It's very hard to look from the outside and guess effectively at what might work for you, especially with things being in such flux, between changes in computing and stressors in the economy.
This is hard advice, but as much as you can, try not to worry about it. I was terrified of losing my funding and being unable to support my spouse, and I felt sick and kind of unhinged for months. I found a couple of viable employment options, I still dabble in my main field, and my new coworkers are in many ways a massive improvement over the last couple places I worked. I didn't even know that my current position existed until I found a job description, and now I know it's a field I could pursue in Canada as well if I stick with it for a couple more years. You really don't know what's out there until you look, and you don't necessarily know what other people are looking for until you put yourself out there. I ended up having a (totally unrelated) set of skills that made me fit very well for my current job, but the reason why my boss gave me a chance is that 1) we came to the field from a similar background and 2) I was local and 3) she's just cool like that. I'm certain if I applied to a place more distant they would have thrown me in the reject pile. I got rejected many times (I kept track - something like 63 rejections last year alone), and I think there is a genuine problem of too many applicants and too many tools to throw out as many resumes as possible before ever reading them. Being able to chat and have a real conversation may help, but part of it, in my experience, is just genuinely the quantity of applications made.
It's hard out there. You're still very young, and you have a long time to pursue many potential career options! See what's available to you and what's sounds interesting, and just try it out. McDonalds may end up being a major career stepping stone, who knows? Being brave, trying things, and keeping an open mind I think will serve you well.
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Comment on [SOLVED] Hunting for a movie in ~movies
cheep_cheep Link ParentI love Volcano, it's silly and awesome and it has Tommy Lee Jones! I wouldn't necessarily say it's a good movie, but I find it very satisfying to watch in a "so bad it's great" way.I love Volcano, it's silly and awesome and it has Tommy Lee Jones! I wouldn't necessarily say it's a good movie, but I find it very satisfying to watch in a "so bad it's great" way.
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Comment on Why am I left-handed? in ~science
cheep_cheep Link ParentI always enjoy the handedness survey: I use fork and spoon left, knife both (convenient not to switch hands, but I think if I'm using a spread I prefer left) Drink: both Throw balls left, catch...I always enjoy the handedness survey:
I use fork and spoon left, knife both (convenient not to switch hands, but I think if I'm using a spread I prefer left)
Drink: both
Throw balls left, catch both, Frisbee both
I don't know on instruments, I've never played anything where a dominant hand applies
Mouse: right
Scissors: right
Sweeping/mopping: both (do people have a hand preference? I know people do for hockey)
Phone (never thought about it before!): left
Opening doors: right
Watch: right
Crochet: left -
Comment on 2026 preseason AP college football rankings in ~sports.american_football
cheep_cheep Link ParentI never can figure out how good ND actually is, because their schedule is so weird relative to the teams that play in conferences. I never know how much their ranking is a result of their history...I never can figure out how good ND actually is, because their schedule is so weird relative to the teams that play in conferences. I never know how much their ranking is a result of their history and prestige and the benefit of the doubt, and how much is how good they really are. Having so many teams with different schedules is one of the things about CFB that's most annoying to me, and makes conference comparisons so endlessly circular and frustrating. For many reasons, I'm so, so happy we have a real playoff now.
If you stop and think about where Cignetti came from, and the specific program he won a championship with, especially in the 12-team playoff era, his win last year is mind-boggling. I cannot overstate how much of a joke Indiana has been in football during my lifetime. I don't think their run would have been possible in the BCS or even the 4-team playoff era, but because there's so much more potential competition, I'm blown away by what Cignetti has done. Its magnificent, unbelievable, and vaguely disturbing. If Joe Burrow's jersey is functionally retired after playing one season with LSU, why not build Cignetti a statue from one championship? I think it was way harder to do at Indiana!
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Comment on Sleep struggles: how do I get better sleep quality? in ~life
cheep_cheep LinkSpecifically for dark and terrible thoughts: I used to wake up and have panic attacks when I was in grad school, which would spiral into a doom circle that I really didn't need. In addition to all...Specifically for dark and terrible thoughts: I used to wake up and have panic attacks when I was in grad school, which would spiral into a doom circle that I really didn't need. In addition to all the other advice here, the most important skills I learned for leaving (and staying out of) the doom spiral were a few mindfulness tricks.
First, recognize that you're in a doom spiral. You don't want to be in there! Dooming isn't going to do anything positive for you. Once you know you're in the doom spiral, I use a sensory game to break the cycle and get my breathing back to normal. I usually do this when I'm still in bed and with my eyes closed, but if you've abandoned sleep you can add visual cues as well. Basically, go down your five senses and focus on one thing you can see or hear to start with. Start by identifying one thing. Take a deep breath. And then find a second thing. Take a deep breath. Etc. I learned to do this awake and eyes open with 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. You can mix and match the senses as needed, but take a deep, slow breath between each one. I have found that I never need to go through the whole list, and usually I'm pretty calm by the time I get to the end of 4.
The goal is to stop the panic and misery, so whatever trick you have works - this one worked really well for me, especially when I was lying in bed and wondering what I was doing with my life and judging all my prior life choices. You're doing a tough and important job, and I hope you're able to relax enough to get some sleep. It's incredibly frustrating to be tired and not able to get the rest you need, so I hope some of the advice in this thread helps!
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Comment on 2026 preseason AP college football rankings in ~sports.american_football
cheep_cheep LinkI'm really curious to see how Indiana will do this year. Given that they now have a target on their back and they no longer have Mendoza, what happens? I do like the underdog story (but as a...I'm really curious to see how Indiana will do this year. Given that they now have a target on their back and they no longer have Mendoza, what happens? I do like the underdog story (but as a conference rival wish them also back to the basement so I can laugh at them). Still, I do prefer them to the usual overlords, if I had to choose.
I don't follow off-season activities much, but I'm curious too to see how ND, Bama, Texas, and USC respond. I would say that all of them had disappointing seasons relative to their expectations, and so I wobder how they might rebound this season. Similarly, I want to know what happens with BYU and Ole Miss, given they exceeded expectations last year.
For pure rage content, curious to see what happens with LSU and TTU, too. They are on my hate watch list for sure. And, of course, looking forward to El Assico, hope there is excellent punting and terrible offense (which is a normal day for Iowa football).
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Comment on Any other tenure-track faculty on Tildes? in ~talk
cheep_cheep LinkI have a toe in academia; my postdoc funding got cut recently and sent me off into the beyond, but I have always had an uneasy relationship with academia. Getting a TT position at an R1 University...I have a toe in academia; my postdoc funding got cut recently and sent me off into the beyond, but I have always had an uneasy relationship with academia. Getting a TT position at an R1 University is an incredible feat, so congrats! More importantly, I would ask you what about the fit is not working for you. Is it this specific institution? Is it the location? Is it these students? Or do you think it might be academia in general?
I think the horrors of the lead up to tenure are well-documented, and the general idea is that you work your ass off for a few years, achieve tenure, and then have the ability to relax and settle in. The nice thing about achieving tenure is that it gives you leverage to "shop around" - you can leverage your tenured position and move to another location or institution that might be a better fit. So if it's something specific to this institution, there may be a way forward and out, if you can power through to tenure review.
On the other hand, if you just really don't think academia is for you...what are the considerations keeping you here? While uprooting a family can be hard, and I imagine "dropping out" from a TT position can feel galling, so much of my experiences in academia revolved around stress, self-loathing, and general misery. That was true in grad school, that was true in my postdoc, and it was/is true to some extent on the job market. There is so much nastiness and judgment that is completely unnecessary. And there are a lot of jobs out there that can pay well, have almost zero prestige, and probably make you feel much happier in the long run. So I would encourage you to do a self-inventory - how do you feel about your academic experiences thus far? Are you in good working order? If not, for how long? Would this be ameliorated by getting tenure? Or is this a long-running unhealthiness?
You are important, and you are more than just your CV. Being healthy and emotionally available to your family is an important thing, and I encourage you to think about who you want to be for the people on your life. If you are having major mental health struggles, it does sound like this is not a great fit, but before you make a decision, check and see if there are any resources at your institution that might offer support specifically for TT or junior faculty - I imagine this happens pretty regularly and they may have resources to help, or to help you make a decision.
Final thoughts: at my grad school, there was a TT couple who were brilliant but miserable. They were both incredibly capable, and one of them in particular was consulted constantly for her expertise and was involved in almost every graduate project in our department. Neither of them got tenure, which was kind of shocking. Last I heard, they moved to her home country and he started working in landscaping, where he spends time outside mowing lawns and working with his hands. He is apparently having the best time, and does not miss academia one iota. You don't have to stay, despite all the work you've done to get here, and it's possible that an entire change of employment scenery may be what you need. Talk to your family and see what they think, too - my spouse has told me that academia makes me stressed, stressful, and hard to be around, and I do value his opinion and well-being, too.
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Comment on Others that also have an aversion to onions, when is it OK? in ~food
cheep_cheep Link ParentHear, hear. Why do people insist on sticking things in people's food even after you say no? I've experienced it with onions, but I've seen in too with veganism and vegetarians and vegetables and...Hear, hear. Why do people insist on sticking things in people's food even after you say no? I've experienced it with onions, but I've seen in too with veganism and vegetarians and vegetables and nuts and sesame - don't put shit in people's food when they ask you not to.
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Comment on Others that also have an aversion to onions, when is it OK? in ~food
cheep_cheep Link ParentI know we live in an era of judgment, but the number of people who associate not eating certain foods with being "spoiled" or "childish" is higher than I expected. Roughly half the time I tell a...I know we live in an era of judgment, but the number of people who associate not eating certain foods with being "spoiled" or "childish" is higher than I expected. Roughly half the time I tell a friend that I have a weird palate, their expression goes flat and they start giving me "advice" on how to eat better. They do not seem to understand that I have worked very hard to get to where I am today, and that I have a genuine physical difference in how I experience eating. It would be really cool to walk into a restaurant and just order whatever I want on the menu! I think they think I have a lack of willpower, or I'm doing it because I want attention. I don't know. But it's nice to hear about other people who feel similarly!
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Comment on Others that also have an aversion to onions, when is it OK? in ~food
cheep_cheep Link ParentI would say that a lot of my favourite/preferred foods have "fewer" ingredients and tend to have a lot less sauce compared to what "normal" people seem to eat, but you are totally right that some...I would say that a lot of my favourite/preferred foods have "fewer" ingredients and tend to have a lot less sauce compared to what "normal" people seem to eat, but you are totally right that some cuisines just naturally fit my palate! Simple meals tend to work well for me (I find Japanese menus always have lot of different dishes I can eat, as well as most Italian food), but I also appreciate cuisines that are able to marinate and blend the flavours nicely. I've had so many different kinds of lo mein and fried rice and dumplings and rolls that have a lot of different veggies in them (including onions!) that I don't mind eating because the flavours are so well balanced and the onions don't overwhelm. It's awesome. So usually a local Chinese restaurant cooks onions well, but, for example, today we had a catered lunch from a local American restaurant at work where the whole salad was just covered in raw red onions. sigh. I haven't tried a lot of sake, but that is a neat idea! If you have any other ideas for fun simple dishes, I do like trying out new combos with a small number of ingredients. Thanks!
I also appreciate cuisines that offer a variety of different ingredients and kind of let you "build" a bite - I know pho does this, and this is also awesome for me. I can take a little bit of an ingredient that might be overwhelming, and pair it with something or switch back to it later, and it gives me the agency to choose which parts of the meal I want to eat and when. And that's pretty awesome! Hotpot is also great, in that you can literally choose which ingredients you add and how they blend together, and this is also a very fun experience, especially because the broth changes over the course of the meal. I don't mind the flavour of onions in a soup, I just don't want to gnaw on one.
I grew up in the land of casseroles (aka the American Midwest), and I feel like it depends on the casserole. I have seen some diabolical ones (green bean casserole that even the smell of turned my stomach), but I have had some really solid corn and potato casseroles. The trick is figuring out if it's an edible casserole or not...I've been tricked by casseroles (and quiches) more than once!
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Comment on Others that also have an aversion to onions, when is it OK? in ~food
cheep_cheep LinkI'm like you - I can't do onions, especially if they're raw. For me, onions are a dual threat - the flavour of raw onions is so overpowering that a single stray speck of it will "pollute" anything...I'm like you - I can't do onions, especially if they're raw. For me, onions are a dual threat - the flavour of raw onions is so overpowering that a single stray speck of it will "pollute" anything else I'm eating - I will taste nothing but onions all day, regardless of what else I eat or what kind of mouthwash I try to use to get rid of it. It's immensely frustrating. Even if an onion has been touching food and then removed, it's strong enough for that reaction for me - it doesn't have to be present anymore for it to be a problem. The texture of onions is also gross for me, especially when they're in the floppy cooked stage. The way I've dealt with onions in my food is 1) avoid them like the plague or 2) dice them finely and caramelize them, especially with a lot of butter. My family had a few dishes which basically caramelize onions into a butter soup before adding them to food, and if I can't tell they're part of a meal, it's ok (although I still feel a bit of unease about it).
I'm not sure of your palate situation, but I'm pretty certain that I'm a supertaster. For anyone not familiar, I taste food differently from what is "normal". To be totally honest, it sucks. The balance of flavours is off - things with onions or peppers get overwhelmed easily by those flavours, and so what I taste is not what is intended by the chef. Things with a lot of flavours (like a seven topping pizza) also become so complex that my brain interprets it as "this is a disgusting mess". I don't know any other way to describe it. There are other flavours that I'm more sensitive to, like bitter and "fatty" flavours, which can become overwhelming (I can't eat much of them before needing to stop). On the other hand, I can appreciate really subtle flavours, like different kinds of rice or breads with a bit of oil and herbs. By and large, though, I find that a lot of foods contain items that my brain and body do not consider "good food", and so I have to be exceedingly careful where I eat and what I order.
I have been accused by a lot of different adults of being "picky", including the hilarious "have you tried harder to eat food that is gross to you?". I, in fact, have! Once I was able to cook for myself, I could combine different foods and ingredients into more complex dishes, but I kind of had to explore the "food space" for myself. My palate is so weird that I kind of have to test each new combination out myself, and if someone throws in a "secret ingredient", it can be a nasty surprise. This has caused me a great deal of food anxiety - I have been at dinner parties and eaten something I thought was ok, accidentally started eating something not compatible, and have had to discreetly find a way to discard it into a napkin without puking. Because that's the other fun side of my food aversions - if my brain thinks what I'm eating is "not food", I have an intense gag/puke reaction. What fun!
For anyone convinced that picky eaters just aren't trying, that is not my experience - it is an ongoing, neverending process, and being "adventurous" often ends up with me feeling gross or unable to enjoy my food. It is not fun. It's primarily just stressful, not to mention stigmatizing. I don't get why people feel so strongly about what other people eat, but I do my best to try not to eat around people I don't know very often. So for you, fellow onion not-enjoyer, I see you, and I hear you. Onions are usually gross and I don't want them anywhere near my food.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
cheep_cheep Link ParentI'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it! My spouse loves chess puzzles, but he wasn't interested in Shotgun King - his loss! That's cool that it lets you modify the "rules" of the game, and it does...I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it! My spouse loves chess puzzles, but he wasn't interested in Shotgun King - his loss! That's cool that it lets you modify the "rules" of the game, and it does sound like it would add a lot of replayability.
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Comment on Is there a way to filter out everything posted by a user? in ~tildes
cheep_cheep Link ParentI hear what you're saying, but I've heard consistently that people will post really inappropriate and insensitive things in the LGBT threads, which specifically make our LGBT users feel...I hear what you're saying, but I've heard consistently that people will post really inappropriate and insensitive things in the LGBT threads, which specifically make our LGBT users feel uncomfortable. I don't always recognize when this is happening, and it shouldn't be the burden of our LGBT users to tolerate shitty people or have to try and argue for their humanity. I don't want that to be a requirement for this community.
I do read a fair amount of misogynistic posts, and I would definitely appreciate a filter to remove posts from my feed from repeat offenders. I don't come here to argue with assholes, I come here for the happy friendship fun time and game exchanges.
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Comment on Women should be able to open things in ~life.women
cheep_cheep Link ParentYes!! This came up recently at a CPR class I was taking and I was completely horrified. My family will not throw me in the trash if a boob pops out for all to see! Please save my life before my...Yes!! This came up recently at a CPR class I was taking and I was completely horrified. My family will not throw me in the trash if a boob pops out for all to see! Please save my life before my propriety!
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Comment on Women should be able to open things in ~life.women
cheep_cheep Link ParentYou mean you don't immediately feel that making something pink or purple means it's for you?! What else are they supposed to do??? (I feel similarly, and if a product "for women" only comes in...You mean you don't immediately feel that making something pink or purple means it's for you?! What else are they supposed to do??? (I feel similarly, and if a product "for women" only comes in those colours usually I look to see if there's another brand available...)
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Comment on Women should be able to open things in ~life.women
cheep_cheep Link ParentI live in a rare household where my husband asks me to open things - roughly 9/10 times I can do it, but sometimes I'm tired or the lid chews up my hand skin and I just don't have the will to get...I live in a rare household where my husband asks me to open things - roughly 9/10 times I can do it, but sometimes I'm tired or the lid chews up my hand skin and I just don't have the will to get to the end. I have relatively good grip strength (I need to use a lot of different kinds of pliers at work), but I also have several injuries that limit my arm functions - at a recent function test I think I scored "average" for a 5'6 woman. I think to some degree it's a case of technique for jars, but as mentioned above there is a general issue where seat belts, kevlar vests, life vests, and other safety items that are supposed to be form fitting are not designed for women at all - they are designed for men, and it genuinely leads to increased hazards for women, because the designers never took boobs into account. It's scary to think about and frankly unconscionable. I'm glad to hear that finally they're using female "shaped" crash test dummies, but it really should not have taken this long to get there. I do worry that my car's airbags might kill me or seriously mess me up if I get into an accident.
On the other hand, when I broke my wrist a few years ago I no longer had the manual dexterity to open jars while I was wearing a cast, and it felt very foolish to call a friend to come over and open something for me. I figured out a technique where if I placed the jar between the arches of my feet, it would hold the jar firmly and I could twist easily with my good arm. The fact that this was the necessary way for me to open thing when alone brings up a whole new set of questions, especially for people with disabilities, but for anyone out there struggling and who doesn't have a gripper pancake, the foot-anchor method may work for you? (Also put less strain on my wrists and messed up my skin less.)
What I mean, with the benefit of hindsight, is that what may appear on the surface as indecision may have a much deeper explanation. The parent comment is referring to having a cornucopia of choices and not wanting to make the wrong one; what I am referring to is a situation that is unhealthy, but actually leaving can require a fair amount of introspection and tackling of difficult truths, and that can't always be done in one sitting. On some level, you may know that you need to leave, but you aren't quite emotionally or mentally ready. In that case, I think it's important to look closely at one's "indecision" and ask why a choice isn't being made. Do you genuinely not know? Are you afraid of making a bad decision? Or are you afraid of being honest with yourself about something big and potentially very life changing? They mean different things and they should be treated differently, in my experience.