cheep_cheep's recent activity

  1. Comment on November 2025 Backlog Burner: Week 2 Discussion in ~games

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    I love A Short Hike, discovered it in my backlog during COVID and was very pleasantly surprised with the coziness! Glad to see you enjoyed it, too.

    I love A Short Hike, discovered it in my backlog during COVID and was very pleasantly surprised with the coziness! Glad to see you enjoyed it, too.

    2 votes

  2. Comment on Humble Bundle: Modern Sci-Fi Classics (Charles Soule, Joseph Fink, Hugh Howey, and Neal Stephenson) in ~books

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    Yeah, this is my feeling on Anathem. I don't even remember how the book ends, and primarily my lingering impression is "wow, that was a lot of pages for not a whole lot happening, and the things...

    Yeah, this is my feeling on Anathem. I don't even remember how the book ends, and primarily my lingering impression is "wow, that was a lot of pages for not a whole lot happening, and the things they cared about seem kind of silly in retrospect."

    2 votes

  3. Comment on Humble Bundle: Modern Sci-Fi Classics (Charles Soule, Joseph Fink, Hugh Howey, and Neal Stephenson) in ~books

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    My husband has watched the whole show and it covers the events of only the first book thus far. Things take a bit of a different turn in the second book, and while I'm not sure how the show will...

    My husband has watched the whole show and it covers the events of only the first book thus far. Things take a bit of a different turn in the second book, and while I'm not sure how the show will adapt it, I enjoyed the second book quite a bit more than the first (even though I got sucked into both). YMMV, depending on what you're specifically tired of, but I do think they're worth reading.

    2 votes

  4. Comment on Humble Bundle: Modern Sci-Fi Classics (Charles Soule, Joseph Fink, Hugh Howey, and Neal Stephenson) in ~books

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    I'm reading the Silo trilogy now, and while I have the show on my to-watch list, I think they will end up being quite different. The book series has a third-person omniscient perspective with a...

    I'm reading the Silo trilogy now, and while I have the show on my to-watch list, I think they will end up being quite different. The book series has a third-person omniscient perspective with a rotating cast of characters, and so you get some really interesting insights into what they know and how they feel, and some of that information just isn't going to translate well to a visual medium. I haven't always felt like the writing has been superb, but the books are all page-turners and I have gotten sucked into each one. I thought Shift was particularly cool, still reading through Dust. I've also read Anathem, and while the writing is good and elaborate, I can't say I felt super connected to the characters or the plot, whereas I definitely do in the Silo series.

    4 votes

  5. Comment on Post breakup ramblings in ~life

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    I'm glad you were able to get things out of your head and into the world! Yeah, I think especially when going into a first relationship, it's just really hard to read oneself, and to understand...

    I'm glad you were able to get things out of your head and into the world! Yeah, I think especially when going into a first relationship, it's just really hard to read oneself, and to understand what's happening, and to understand where one's own boundaries are. I know in the past when I felt like there was a difference in age or experience, I felt weird about it and like I had to "make up" for my lack of knowledge or experience with more effort and openness, and that can be hard to carry after awhile, even if the other person was being aupportive. And I think too sometimes, even when you go through a learning phase or a conflict and come to a good solution, sometimes the pain and hurt experienced through that conflict can linger and be difficult to move on from. Which is made worse in a first relationship, because you don't have any other references, and you don't know if you're reacting appropriately or if the situation is justified, and it can be hard to navigate how you feel and whether your feelings are valid at all.

    I hope that you feel like your feelings are valid, too - I imagine it must be difficult if you've been navigating your own journey on your identity and preferences, and to ultimately have to go through a tough breakup. I hope you don't take it as a rejection of you or of your journey more broadly - I hope you've been able to learn more about yourself, and that next time you'll be able to use this experience to better describe who you are and what you need, and that you'll find someone able to support you. I hope you continue to work through your own feelings about yourself, and give yourself love and appreciation! You deserve it.

    4 votes

  6. Comment on Post breakup ramblings in ~life

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    Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I think breakups are especially tough when you are the one being dumped, and when you don't really have any...

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I think breakups are especially tough when you are the one being dumped, and when you don't really have any forewarning that it's coming - you don't know what to expect, whereas your partner probably has thought through this many times over the past weeks and months, and so what is fresh for you may be the end of a long and winding inner conversation for her, and so you are in different places on the processing journey.

    I get the impression that your partner has wanted to break up for awhile, especially if she realized during your relationship that she's on the aroace spectrum. I have heard from people who discover new dimensions of their sexual and romantic identities that their perspective on people and themselves changes completely, and sometimes they need time and space to work through those new feelings. I think it's possible that your partner tried to forge ahead with your relationship and do right by you, but it didn't feel right, or she felt like she was doing things to make you happy that weren't working for her, or she just generally felt guilt or anxiety on your behalf because she's on the aroace spectrum and you're not. It may have been something you did, but very likely it just may have been that the two of you don't work for her now, even if you did before. And that can really hurt to hear, but sometimes two people grow apart. There isn't anything you can do, and there isn't a thing you can change or say that will make them change their mind - they're just done.

    A week, in my opinion, isn't enough time to make a meaningful permanent change to a relationship, so I would guess that she was giving you a week to process the information (which isn't a lot of time), not a week to make a final opportunity to save the relationship. While I see from your perspective that you are willing to make things work and that you're ok with changing things to make her happy, it seems like the feelings she has while in this relationship - and in particular feeling like she's taking something away from you, or preventing you from being happy - are too much. At the end of the day, she is the one that has to be able to carry those feelings, or find a way to deal with them, and it seems like she's unwilling or unable to do it. If this is her first relationship, it makes sense to me that she might want to explore relationships with other people who know she's on the aroace spectrum from the start, and see what that feels like. If that's the case, she just wants that time and space and freedom to explore that, and there isn't really anything you can do. And it really sucks to hear.

    Please continue to use this space to help process your feelings and share your thoughts - feeling socially isolated and also going through a major upheaval in a relationship are really hard, and the people here are really kind. Things are hard right now, but I hope things get easier with time, and you find comfort and solace in the days and weeks ahead. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    17 votes

  7. Comment on Hate-reading? in ~books

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    I've read that Martin used to have a pretty strict editor, which helped keep the pace and focus of the early books. By the time the series blew up, though, I think editors felt a lot less able to...

    I've read that Martin used to have a pretty strict editor, which helped keep the pace and focus of the early books. By the time the series blew up, though, I think editors felt a lot less able to critique his writing, which is what led to the meandering and lack of plot progression in later books, as well as excessive descriptions of feasts and clothes. I remember going back to reread part of book 1 and was shocked by how focused it was compared to the last published book. It's a real shame, and I think that's reflective of the quality of writing, not of the reader!

    2 votes

  8. Comment on Hate-reading? in ~books

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    It's so tough to judge the quality of art objectively, because so much of how we feel about it depends on who we are at the time. Like whether you read a book when you're 8 or 38 matters a lot to...

    It's so tough to judge the quality of art objectively, because so much of how we feel about it depends on who we are at the time. Like whether you read a book when you're 8 or 38 matters a lot to how you feel about it, and it's hard to disentangle those feelings! I was upset because I'd seen it listed so many times as a fantastic fantasy series, and when I was finally able to snag a copy from the library, I felt really disappointed and vastly underwhelmed, especially because the story is so dude-centric and I felt like we'd come a long way from those kinds of plots. Eight year old me may have loved it...39 year old me really did not.

    1 vote

  9. Comment on Hate-reading? in ~books

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    Unfortunately, I found the protagonist to be a total Gary Stu jackass, and his constant humblebragging and tripping over attractive young women, for me, just left me rolling my eyes. Skimming a...

    Unfortunately, I found the protagonist to be a total Gary Stu jackass, and his constant humblebragging and tripping over attractive young women, for me, just left me rolling my eyes. Skimming a synopsis of the next book, I am not remotely surprised he somehow becomes a sex god, because of course he does. While I sympathize with everyone crying out for a third book, I am not one of them :)

    2 votes

  10. Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life

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    Music was (and is!) super important to help me process feelings. I find breakups so complicated, because one moment you'll be wistful and miss the good times, and a week later you may want to...

    Music was (and is!) super important to help me process feelings. I find breakups so complicated, because one moment you'll be wistful and miss the good times, and a week later you may want to scream bloody murder about how much you hate them and how they ruined your life. I wish I had made playlists to cover different moods (wistful, nostalgic, depressed, ragey), because I did have a few different go-to types of songs that really helped me with my emotional constipation at any given moment - put on the song, go for a walk, walk all those feelings out. I found that mixing in positivity and hope helped me not dwell too deeply on misery for too long, but sometimes you just feel bad and you need to work through it.

    I'll say too that sometimes I still feel strong emotions for past relationships. Three years after my toxic relationship ended I remember I threw on that year's Eurovision playlist and heard a song I had formerly not cared for and it hit me so hard, I ended up ugly crying for two hours. For whatever reason, that time it just hit me right, I was able to see my relationship through that lens and it just ripped all this latent ugliness out of me. I think that can be pretty normal, especially when you have a huge, messy morass of feelings in relationships like these - you never know how you're going to feel as you're moving forward, and sometimes you can feel three or four different conflicting feelings at the same time. It's kind of annoying, honestly! But for me, putting on certain musical "themes" also really helped me regulate my mood when I was feeling really unstable.

    I'll say too that I went through multiple rounds of therapy for that breakup (and I could probably go for another, honestly). The feelings I had early in that breakup were very different from feelings I had a year or two later, and I was finding that my residual unhappiness became unmanageable and it was helpful to talk with professionals who could steer me toward healthier behaviors and thought patterns. So I totally encourage you to feel your feelings completely, but don't feel bad or concerned if you get stuck somewhere, even years later - long and difficult relationships can really linger in your brain, and it's not always easy to find a way forward yourself.

    I remembered that my go-to album was Lemonade, just for how comprehensively it captured different emotions about love and betrayal. I still blast "Sorry" sometimes when I feel righteously angry!

    1 vote

  11. Comment on Hate-reading? in ~books

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    I know...this is one of those series that is beloved by people who read it when they were small, but I read it first in my 20s and was incensed at Pullman for destroying his characters and plot...

    I know...this is one of those series that is beloved by people who read it when they were small, but I read it first in my 20s and was incensed at Pullman for destroying his characters and plot for the sake of getting back at CS Lewis. I never watched the show, in part because my headcanon of what Lyra and Iorek Byrnison look and act like are way cooler than they could ever be in real life, and I don't want my visualization of them to be affected. How did you feel about the show?

    2 votes

  12. Comment on Hate-reading? in ~books

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    I used to have the same rule where I would force myself to finish any book I had started, mostly just for my inner completionist (and a sense of snobby pride), although sometimes it does takes a...

    I used to have the same rule where I would force myself to finish any book I had started, mostly just for my inner completionist (and a sense of snobby pride), although sometimes it does takes a little while for a story to rev up and I wanted to give it a chance. I did end up hate reading a few books that make my all time Worst List (exacerbated by my disgust at forcing myself to continue reading them), but there are also a few DNFs that even I couldn't stomach.

    I typically read books for some kind of positive reason, either they were reviewed well or they're by an author I really respect. So I haven't read too many straight up bad-bad books (aside from Twilight and 50 Shades for the lulz...which ended up being more painful than anything, and I stopped after one book), which possibly makes my list look a bit different from lists of truly bad books. Mine are bad because typically I expected better of them and they betrayed me.

    Worst (betrayal): The Amber Spyglass, Name of the Wind, PS I Love You, Mirror Mirror

    Worst (just bad): Twilight, A Court of Thorns and Roses, 50 Shades of Gray, Angels and Demons

    DNF: Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Pillars of the Earth, Walden

    Some of these are beloved and I am utterly baffled why people like them, aside from nostalgia. But I also like books that I know are on other people's worst lists (like the Silmarillion), so it all balances out.

    5 votes

  13. Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books

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    I also did not expect the magical realism, but really enjoyed it! I generally loved the concept of the wind-up bird, and the various vignettes about it. There's something appealing to me about a...

    I also did not expect the magical realism, but really enjoyed it! I generally loved the concept of the wind-up bird, and the various vignettes about it. There's something appealing to me about a secret world around us that we can't always see and interact with, and so I like jaunts into the bizarre unknown worlds that parallel ours, have different rules, and require quirky characters to proceed.

    I'm not much of a history buff, and I also appreciated some of the Japanese perspective on history. I wasn't really familiar with some of the details of their actions in WWII, and so picturing Soviet-Japanese relationships from a Japanese perspective was a bit mind-bending and unexpected. The whole amalgam of plot, characters, and setting was neat, but if he writes that way in most of his books, I think I'll need to take pretty long breaks between them. There were times I wanted to shake the protagonist for being a passive moron, but it was necessary for that story to be told.

    1 vote

  14. Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life

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    Thanks for sharing. It's great that you're taking time for yourself and thinking ahead, and being honest with yourself about your feelings. I mentioned before that I stayed in an abusive and toxic...

    Thanks for sharing. It's great that you're taking time for yourself and thinking ahead, and being honest with yourself about your feelings.

    I mentioned before that I stayed in an abusive and toxic relationship far longer than I should have. I was worried about some of the same feelings you are now - loneliness and a partner's post relationship love life. I was right about those...but there were so many other emotions that I didn't expect and were much more salient. The primary one I felt, immediately the morning I woke up alone in my own apartment for the first time, was intense and seething rage! I totally did not expect it. I was violently pissed off that I had allowed my ex to treat me so terribly, and angry at the time and energy and emotions I had wasted on him. And ultimately I was so, SO much happier leaving. In many ways, it's easier to feel lonely on your own, with your own pleasant and constant company, than to be around someone who mistreats you and makes you feel terrible. There will be other people out there who can fill that void, especially friends, who can help rebuild your sense of normalcy and calm, especially after so many crises. If you'll be co-parenting, you can't leave your partner's life entirely, but you have much less responsibility and day-to-day involvement in those crises, and you get a lot of autonomy and freedom back - freedom in your feelings and actions, and free to have your own conceptualization of yourself. Those are really powerful, and I had completely forgotten about them when in the darkest parts of my relationship. Leaving can seem really hard, and the unknown can be lot scarier than the terrors you already know, but in many cases, it's a leap worth taking.

    I think if things go down that road, giving yourself time and space and reconnecting with yourself are really important. Breakups can feel really overwhelming because you're changing major aspects of your social and emotional life, and it can leave you feeling a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. Going slow, thinking about what you really want and how you feel can help you start to open up possibilities and ideas that you hardly even realized you'd tucked away. Change can be really, really hard, but there's an element of rebirth and restart, too, and those can be consoling even while you're hurting. I'm really hopeful that your future, however it turns out, will be a better place than where you are right now. Taking the time and taking steps to make that future real are great, even if they don't feel that way right now.

    3 votes

  15. Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books

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    The Glass Castle is an amazing book. I read it maybe 10 or so years ago and there are still scenes that stick out to me so vividly, and it's wild to me that it was her actual life. Like the first...

    The Glass Castle is an amazing book. I read it maybe 10 or so years ago and there are still scenes that stick out to me so vividly, and it's wild to me that it was her actual life. Like the first time her sister tries glasses on and she cries because she can finally see that trees have individual leaves? It's absolutely heartbreaking, but so beautifully written.

    1 vote

  16. Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books

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    Oh, I read this earlier this year and felt similarly. It was a real journey, and while there were some things I really liked about the story, there were also frankly some fairly nonsensical parts...

    Oh, I read this earlier this year and felt similarly. It was a real journey, and while there were some things I really liked about the story, there were also frankly some fairly nonsensical parts and way too much info on his peen...although I've read that that's also apparently a classic Murakami trait. Was there any part in particular of the story that you really enjoyed?

  17. Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life

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    Thanks for the update. I'm glad they were finally willing to sit down and talk to you, but it sounds like it was a really frustrating conversation in some ways. I think the three most important...

    Thanks for the update. I'm glad they were finally willing to sit down and talk to you, but it sounds like it was a really frustrating conversation in some ways. I think the three most important skills I've learned for long-term relationships are 1) listening and empathizing with the other person's point of view, 2) taking accountability, and 3) apologizing meaningfully. It's hard to smush two lives together, and being flexible and communicating clearly are really important.

    I'm not sure if your partner is being willfully inflexible and unwilling to take responsibility, or else is in such a difficult place and mental state that they don't have the bandwidth to add more things to worry about, but this sounds like the sort of situation that needs a therapist or other mediator to help. Although if they've done therapy before and found that the therapist was never siding with them, that might mean that nothing would change in this situation, either, but it seems that there are some real hurdles for your partner that are difficult for them to navigate. I hope that they do continue to open up and listen, and that you're able to get things working a little more smoothly. (I think of relationships like driving a giant boat - everyone on board is a team to make sure the boat moves where they want it to. It isn't helpful to parcel out specific blame a lot of the time, and if the boat isn't moving in the right direction, it's a collective team failure. It doesn't seem like your partner is willing to take responsibility for their role in the subpar navigation, but I feel like it's a necessary step. You can't be the only reason the boat isn't moving properly, especially if you're the only one paying close attention!)

    11 votes

  18. Comment on Looking for movies that combine religion mythology and supernatural elements in ~movies

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    Another spooky film that delves into Jewish themes is The Vigil (2019), which I'd recommend. And Servant, the TV show, deals with a supernatural/religious cult. The first season is great, the...

    Another spooky film that delves into Jewish themes is The Vigil (2019), which I'd recommend.

    And Servant, the TV show, deals with a supernatural/religious cult. The first season is great, the second season less so, but the third season gets better in the back half.

    2 votes

  19. Comment on Millennials: How do you feel about nostalgia pandering? in ~talk

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    Agreed. Do Revenge was also a great film steeped in nostalgia that referenced a lot of millennial touchstones, and I loved it.

    Agreed. Do Revenge was also a great film steeped in nostalgia that referenced a lot of millennial touchstones, and I loved it.

    1 vote

  20. Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life

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    You may not have done everything right, but you told your partner how you felt and asserted yourself, and that's a good first step. It is not your fault that the money situation got out of hand....

    You may not have done everything right, but you told your partner how you felt and asserted yourself, and that's a good first step. It is not your fault that the money situation got out of hand. You are clearly going out of your way to try to keep things working, and it sounds like you may be the only one. You are right, the debt issues and the other issues are tied together, and fixing just the debt will be temporary until it's an issue again. Keep advocating for yourself and for your kid. Hang in there.

    9 votes