DefinitelyNotAFae's recent activity
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentThank you for the update! It certainly recontextualizes the whole situation. I too now hope it was a dogging situation caused by a nosy neighbor. But if I understand you're saying it feels like...Thank you for the update! It certainly recontextualizes the whole situation. I too now hope it was a dogging situation caused by a nosy neighbor.
But if I understand you're saying it feels like this was possibly a planned exercise due to the availability of all of those resources so quickly? Or that the police had already been following the potential dogging enthusiasts? Or are you suggesting something less savory?
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentFwiw I don't read your posts as cold, especially not the ones where you're apologizing for coldness! 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊 That line also makes me think of coming from abusive families. I like how well...Fwiw I don't read your posts as cold, especially not the ones where you're apologizing for coldness! 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊
That line also makes me think of coming from abusive families. I like how well Murderbot works for a number of types of trauma, anxiety, neurodivergence, etc.
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIndeed, @lostwax we're all humans here. Not a single one of us could be considered anything else! (ʘᴗʘ✿) Plus SecUnits are clearly people with emotions, regardless of what the Company thinks about...Indeed, @lostwax we're all humans here. Not a single one of us could be considered anything else! (ʘᴗʘ✿)
Plus SecUnits are clearly people with emotions, regardless of what the Company thinks about that. ( ◜‿◝ )♡
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae (edited )Link ParentYou weren't the only response I was referring to in that statement. You got the reply because you chose to try to explain one of those responses to me that required zero explanation. "Not all men"...You weren't the only response I was referring to in that statement. You got the reply because you chose to try to explain one of those responses to me that required zero explanation.
"Not all men" is usually the counter to "men". It's not the original statement. It's already the response to anger, rage, and trauma. Men never meant "all men". The point isn't productivity or logic. The point is trying to explain the feelings and the experience. That chart isn't to scale or proportionate. You'll notice a distinct lack of number or norming. The point is that Not All Men is not useful or relevant.
Every woman I talked to about the Cornell case at work was upset, they said they cried reading it, they were pissed, etc. I work in higher ed, so we're of course more tuned in to this story. But I wanted to explain why we're not just outraged at the specific situation and why "women choose the bear" and why there's disdain for the idea that men are "protectors" and the other rhetoric of men's podcasts these days (some deeply misogynist). Because the response to "without men who would protect you" is "protect me from what?"
This isn't about hating "all men" it's the emotion behind the song "Labour", it's watching the domestic violence cases come in, it's not knowing who would speak up if something did happen, and who would shame and blame you, and it's a large proportion of women having experienced sexual assault/abuse watching yet another woman have to be very very brave.
The problem with the complaint about numbers is that we certainly don't have any evidence that 1 out of 50 would have called the police in another situation. We don't have evidence that it's the fact that they're in a fraternity that made no one speak up. We even have anecdotal evidence in this thread of a Cornell fraternity guy stopping sexual assault before it happened. What we have is not a single person in that group chat reporting the case - because it wasn't reported until she did, three weeks later, as far as we know.
Not a single one. Trying to negotiate over how many men are how good and how "passive" vs "active" they are is not meaningful. Because this is not an intellectual exercise. I am trying to convey emotion and elicit empathy.
ETA, saw a creator say this "it's not all men, until we're telling our daughters how to behave" and I'll add, it's not all men until we're "joking" about the shotgun when the date comes around. It's not all men until it's about controlling women and then "she should have known better".
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI, a real person on this site, am basing this on my experiences on this site. Not "being used to assholes and bots on reddit."I, a real person on this site, am basing this on my experiences on this site. Not "being used to assholes and bots on reddit."
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYeah I don't agree about it being "anything-pilled" and I am quite frustrated with the several subthreads here telling me how to feel or not to feel or how I'm coming to the wrong conclusions...Yeah I don't agree about it being "anything-pilled" and I am quite frustrated with the several subthreads here telling me how to feel or not to feel or how I'm coming to the wrong conclusions because my sample size is small or wrongly constructed.
It is ironic since it actually confirms what I'm saying. Plus the point was to understand where the rage is coming from, telling the angry traumatized people that they're too nihilistic is unproductive.
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Comment on Josh Johnson comedy set - are we building our own extinction? in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentHave you watched his Last Meal on Mythical Kitchen? It was really enjoyableHave you watched his Last Meal on Mythical Kitchen? It was really enjoyable
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI was risking frustration. But with an ellipsis in front of it. Risking... frustration. The capital F was autocorrect. @smores provided a fuller explanation already and I cosign the whole bit...I was risking frustration. But with an ellipsis in front of it.
Risking... frustration. The capital F was autocorrect.
@smores provided a fuller explanation already and I cosign the whole bit especially as a nonbinary demi-gender woman.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentFwiw if those assaults are reported to the school they still get tracked..I don't know if it makes them not Cleary reportable but the number of title ix cases is still a metric. (And local police...Fwiw if those assaults are reported to the school they still get tracked..I don't know if it makes them not Cleary reportable but the number of title ix cases is still a metric. (And local police typically report everything involving students to the university, from fake IDs and underage consumption on up to CSAM and threats against the president)
But it can certainly improve the marketing.
However idk if there's a better solution - without on campus housing for all students, most students will live off campus anyway - regardless of Greek life. And this happens at all sorts of parties, on and off campus, in and out of Greek life, while watching a movie in your dorm room.
It makes sense to try to control what you can as an institution to reduce some risk potentially.
But I agree about the DA's statements. They're just pissy they're getting media coverage for a "fail"
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Comment on Josh Johnson comedy set - are we building our own extinction? in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentGotcha. I don't love that joke, but it isn't on the same level as what you described initially, at least in my opinion. It's hard for me to take one joke out of a special, especially where he's...Gotcha. I don't love that joke, but it isn't on the same level as what you described initially, at least in my opinion. It's hard for me to take one joke out of a special, especially where he's discussing school shootings leading into his experience of being a middle schooler and getting an erection and whether a joke that didn't hit represents something more. Was the whole thing a problem? Just the one joke? Was this somehow a call back? Does it matter? Idk. (Also that website was nigh unusable)
I appreciate the info to add to my brain regardless. I'll keep an eye out.
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Comment on Josh Johnson comedy set - are we building our own extinction? in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI'd also like a link, I found a This American Life bit about spanking where he's talking about cultural differences and his childhood, and a segment on the daily show talking about bullying, but I...I'd also like a link, I found a This American Life bit about spanking where he's talking about cultural differences and his childhood, and a segment on the daily show talking about bullying, but I cannot find anything like what you're recalling
I'd certainly like to know about it -
Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae (edited )Link ParentYeah I'm not sure what changes happen here because I think these didn't get implemented. The initial changes during his first term I think still held. But they were trying to change the rule and...Yeah I'm not sure what changes happen here because I think these didn't get implemented. The initial changes during his first term I think still held. But they were trying to change the rule and didn't get it done. Sigh
They have talked about revoking T9 entirely which isn't just about sexual assault, dealing with sexual assault is sort of a side effect of the overarching principal that women should have equal access and opportunities in education. To achieve that you need to ensure sexual assaults are handled appropriately. (To achieve that you need equal sports opportunities, etc.)
It will be worse, especially in this current world, if these are rolled back.
Edit: did more research, still not sure if we ever fully got away from these rules but they 100% set a higher standard of proof, set a higher standard for what sexual harassment is, and but an increased onus on reporting students to participate in "courtroom like" hearings.
Bleh
I believe there are more men accused of sexual assault in this case than there are trans women in college sports. Bull shit he's talking about it being about trans people.
A new fuck you to anyone who didn't hold the line on trans rights. Welcome to the new cover for attacking women's rights.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentNo need to worry about disrespect or anything at all. This is a worthwhile conversation and I'd broadly agree that moving towards justice is more "true" than finding it. And I also worry about...No need to worry about disrespect or anything at all. This is a worthwhile conversation and I'd broadly agree that moving towards justice is more "true" than finding it. And I also worry about where we are and what we can do.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae (edited )Link ParentI'd love to see a study that shows that! ETA: since the vast majority of assaults are believed to go unreported, and 1/3 of assaults have a 3rd party present.... I don't know if that math holds upI'd love to see a study that shows that!
ETA: since the vast majority of assaults are believed to go unreported, and 1/3 of assaults have a 3rd party present.... I don't know if that math holds up
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI am aware of what they're saying, it's not the point I'm making not what I'm basing my opinion on. It's a recent relevant example.I am aware of what they're saying, it's not the point I'm making not what I'm basing my opinion on. It's a recent relevant example.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIt obviously wasn't. That's the point. I'm saying it's the bottom image not the top one. I am also not basing all of my beliefs on this one incident and trying to explain why people are angry and...It obviously wasn't. That's the point. I'm saying it's the bottom image not the top one.
I am also not basing all of my beliefs on this one incident and trying to explain why people are angry and what "not all men" ignores.
As I said, I expected this, not because they're in a fraternity.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae (edited )Link ParentI don't disagree that wealth is a factor in how these men were treated and how they felt free to treat this woman. If anything her access to familial supports are likely why she's able to sue (I...I don't disagree that wealth is a factor in how these men were treated and how they felt free to treat this woman. If anything her access to familial supports are likely why she's able to sue (I don't know her)
However while high profile and wealthy examples make the news, it is not my personal experience that class makes a difference in participation in rape culture. There's no indication that sexual assault occurs more or less by class or education level of the perpetrators. And while we know our criminal justice system has a class bias it also has a bias against victims of sexual assault. A very strong one that leads to reporting issues as well as conviction issues.
However rape culture isn't just engaging in the act. It's laughing at the jokes. It's being a bystander. It's getting online and questioning if we really know the truth of what happened, because she did drink after all. It's not believing victims unless theyre "perfect." It's not believing the people in your life when they say it's pervasive. It's telling a child to "cover up", when their uncle comes over, rather than banning said uncle from the house. It's laughing at the downfall of Me Too. It's supporting R Kelly (and Chris Brown, and whatever football player is accused of domestic violence this year but is too good to fire; because if you think you have the right to assault someone having the right to sexually assault someone is not a far step.) It's jokes about prison rape being in SpongeBob cartoons.
Few people will say "yeah I raped someone" but if you ask about specific behaviors that are sexual assault - sex with someone too drunk to consent for example - more people will say yes.
It's also not just men. Women and nonbinary people participate in rape culture too. So yeah I believe you that the people you know aren't rapists and wouldn't stand aside when something was happening. But that doesn't mean they avoid it entirely, and if they do, it doesn't mean most people are.
So yeah, lots of words to say I think class is always a factor in outcome and even in access, but most women are assaulted by someone they know, she was friends with at least one of these guys. The person who.... Crossed consent lines... With me was not well off. I don't think it's primarily a class issue.
And if people are alienated by this, then we're right back to "not all men" and the idea that only the 15% were to blame.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIn a medical emergency, yes. It's highly effective. In a social situation, one person saying "whoa dude not cool" to an offensive joke tends to change the whole dynamic.In a medical emergency, yes. It's highly effective.
In a social situation, one person saying "whoa dude not cool" to an offensive joke tends to change the whole dynamic.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentThere's a bit more reporting coming out - The DA was being rather victim blame-y about how "her story changed" but then came out and said they replied on the university investigation. But yes,...There's a bit more reporting coming out - The DA was being rather victim blame-y about how "her story changed" but then came out and said they replied on the university investigation.
But yes, title IX investigations are private and that is protected by law. And that is both good and bad, and makes accountability difficult, especially without a federal enforcement mechanism.
Got it, "planned operation" was where I wasn't sure what you meant but I follow now! Ty
It will be very interesting to see the news play out. Maybe it was all a distraction from the Orangemen in NI failing to walk down a road for the 3rd day in a row.