DefinitelyNotAFae's recent activity
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Comment on The impact of suicide hotlines on health: evidence from 988 implementation in ~health.mental
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Comment on Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYou replied after the edit so I assume you're fine with less civility. I'll keep it on the right side of the line for Tildes. That is a stupid argument. Amazingly, two people, even if one is...You replied after the edit so I assume you're fine with less civility. I'll keep it on the right side of the line for Tildes.
If a billionaire said this we would rightly shit on them. What alternative is there?
If democracy ever broke down in the states, a lot more people could die than have ever died from being denied insurance coverage, and for potentially a worse outcome.
That is a stupid argument.
Amazingly, two people, even if one is fictional and a billionaire, can say similar things and have entirely different moral stances and life experiences. So shit on me if it makes you feel better but I didn't say "man I wish democracy broke down and people died" I said I'm tired of being at the mercy of the electorate. Treating this like a hypothetical philosophy question ignores the real people being hurt and actually dying now. And at imminent risk of dying in the future.
I lost my rights to control my own body because of "the electorate", my partner may lose the care that keeps him in our home and alive and I have to not write down if my students need healthcare so they can't be targeted by the government for literal persecution.
It feels dehumanizing as fuck to keep hearing "it is what it is" and essentially "could be worse" when it's already bad. I have tried to point out with empathy where people are coming from in this thread because this shit is complicated and morality is rarely simplistic and I was genuinely hoping to improve communication but instead I just get the same stupid what can you do, if you don't like it, you're just like a billionaire and society would collapse!
But instead I'm supposed to not be tired of this? Or not say it? Nah. I'm not coming back to the thread after this, so say whatever you want. But just because you say something dispassionately (nor because I say something emphatically) doesn't make it a better argument. That was not logical, rational or kind.
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Comment on Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae (edited )Link ParentIf these weren't people's lives, maybe. But they are. And irreparable damage will be done in the time it takes to play by the rules of the game. And it's why I cannot get on board with the idea.... And that's okay.
If these weren't people's lives, maybe. But they are. And irreparable damage will be done in the time it takes to play by the rules of the game.
And it's why I cannot get on board with the idea that sacrificing lives for profit is just no big deal, part of the balance. I'm deeply tired of being at the mercy of "the electorate." And I find this sort of language to be far more callous than talking about Thompson's killing.
(And the idea of "rotting in jail" is another way we dehumanize prisoners too. It's all part of the same dehumanizing worldview)
ETA: there's no way i can remain civil so I'll stop here: Absolutely fuck this attitude towards people's lives and health.
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Comment on What lesser-known sci-fi reads do you recommend? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentEven smaller on the day when the trip was a walk to the Bookmobile instead of a drive to the full library!Even smaller on the day when the trip was a walk to the Bookmobile instead of a drive to the full library!
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Comment on Why HPSC is a big deal for space exploration in ~space
DefinitelyNotAFae LinkHigh Performance Spaceflight Computing
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Comment on Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentBut I think the point is that while pulling the switch might be neutral, signing up to pull the switch in an inherently immoral situation - for profit and harming poor people - is still immoral....But I think the point is that while pulling the switch might be neutral, signing up to pull the switch in an inherently immoral situation - for profit and harming poor people - is still immoral.
So yes, someone has to pull the lever* - though there's nothing stopping the insurance company CEO from stopping the trains entirely and paying for everyone's coverage except losing his job - but if you choose to do so in an amoral or profit driven fashion you're perhaps engaging in active harm/evil/etc. (idk what model we're using)
Sometimes all you can do is harm reduction, especially when a system is fucked up. I'm having to do that now in higher education given certain threats made by certain politicians. There's a big difference between an engaging and harm reduction and just pulling the lever on whatever makes me the most money, or is the best for PR, or is in anyone's best interest other than patients.
*In our current system. I'm not so sure we need to pull levers nearly as often as we think if we revamped things entirely
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Comment on What lesser-known sci-fi reads do you recommend? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIf we're talking about Weber I gotta throw my rec in for the War God series even though it's fantasy rather than SF. I got bored with ship combat when I got to HH (well like 5-10 books in) but...If we're talking about Weber I gotta throw my rec in for the War God series even though it's fantasy rather than SF. I got bored with ship combat when I got to HH (well like 5-10 books in) but found War God long before that.
Ah to be a kid with a library card and a tiny SF section
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Comment on What lesser-known sci-fi reads do you recommend? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI think about that one a lot honestly. It's come up more than I would have thoughtI think about that one a lot honestly. It's come up more than I would have thought
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Comment on Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentSure, lots of people make exceptions to "murder is wrong" such as "murder is ok if they're a rapist" or "murder is ok if it's the state, because it's not murder then" or whatever. That's not...Sure, lots of people make exceptions to "murder is wrong" such as "murder is ok if they're a rapist" or "murder is ok if it's the state, because it's not murder then" or whatever. That's not really what I'm hitting on.
I'm seeing a lot of people talk past each other, and basically just lecture someone that "murder is wrong." So that's maybe it's the case that all you're saying is true - I'm not sure that it is for everyone here - but the response ignores that and just tells them how bad vigilante justice would if society engaged in it writ large, ignoring that the person never advocated for such a thing nor seems to want it. Same for reiterating that the death wasn't deserved or what have you.
I do think people discuss motivations a lot more with more assassination type killings, and that's closer to what this is than a typical murder. I don't actually find that odd, it's also usually where people get about wobblier about what is "right" or not especially as there have been no other practical consequences for the actions of those in power. CEO has just not typically been in that category the way politician has.
Ultimately there's just a lot of talking past each other and that was what I'm addressing, hoping folks would respond to what the person is saying and not just reiterate that it's bad to support vigilantism/murder/etc. on a large scale where even if the person were supporting it in this case, they're not advocating for the Purge.
But like, I'm not the boss of conversations, just pointing out a pattern.
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Comment on Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae (edited )Link ParentI think there is a lot of miscommunication here between people who are mostly saying that there's a lot of responsibility and culpability for harm caused by decision makers at insurance companies,...I think there is a lot of miscommunication here between people who are mostly saying that there's a lot of responsibility and culpability for harm caused by decision makers at insurance companies, especially C-Suite, while bringing an understanding how people who feel there's no avenues of redress make drastic moves. (And even acknowledging there could be some moral stance to be made there) And on the other side folks focusing on the idea of whether that person is supporting vigilante justice, or whether an individual "deserved" to be killed.
And I think those are two different trains of thought, especially when people may experience some cognitive dissonance about their overarching beliefs and the reality of a specific situation. Kind of like when people wish they could harm someone who hurt their family, but oppose vigilantism generally. No those two thoughts don't seem like they should fit together but "it's different when it's my people" is a recognized thing in ethics.
There's a difference between saying that someone should have been killed and saying that you understand someone's reasoning for killing them, or are empathetic to their suffering, or think they shouldn't be punished to an extreme for it. Or even to posit a moral philosophy or legal system where people who harm millions in a white collar way are punished more harshly than someone who kills one person. (Think how rampant wage theft and major embezzlement/fraud go far more unpunished than shoplifting or burglary as an example).
/Sorry this was just the most recent post to mention the idea of "deserving" death and I felt like it was worth commenting on the overarching pattern I'm seeing.
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Comment on Hayden Panettiere dies at 36 in ~movies
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIn a perfect world, there wouldn't need to be shame about it, but also people could not have their family member's life talked about in the tabloids as gossip fodder. Celebrity is deeply unhealthy...In a perfect world, there wouldn't need to be shame about it, but also people could not have their family member's life talked about in the tabloids as gossip fodder.
Celebrity is deeply unhealthy for so many reasons and not just for the person themself.
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Comment on American Red Cross declares second-ever national blood supply crisis, urges immediate blood donations in ~health
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentAppreciate it, he's got anesthesia today to do some debridement on a wound.Appreciate it, he's got anesthesia today to do some debridement on a wound.
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Comment on American Red Cross declares second-ever national blood supply crisis, urges immediate blood donations in ~health
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentCool! Doctor's recs always beat phlebotomist recs especially second hand.Cool! Doctor's recs always beat phlebotomist recs especially second hand.
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Comment on American Red Cross declares second-ever national blood supply crisis, urges immediate blood donations in ~health
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentThey always recommend Flintstones vitamins with iron for me, if that helps. That and broccoli and other dark leafy greens. But I can still test low if I don't eat great the day before - and my...They always recommend Flintstones vitamins with iron for me, if that helps. That and broccoli and other dark leafy greens.
But I can still test low if I don't eat great the day before - and my partner being in the hospital recently means I've been eating like trash. But I got it finally!
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Comment on Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO in ~news
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIdk what this isn't giving me a notification for your comment, but it was right around the time some news about AI software stuff came out iirc. However trust that the hate for the insurance...Idk what this isn't giving me a notification for your comment, but it was right around the time some news about AI software stuff came out iirc. However trust that the hate for the insurance companies and United Healthcare in particular has been longstanding. It was (still is but was too) common to see skits on in short form videos specifically about them sucking.
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Comment on Three Cheers for Tildes: App updates and feedback (July 2026) — Version 1.7 detects expired login sessions in ~tildes
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYou have to open it in browser!You have to open it in browser!
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Comment on What lesser-known sci-fi reads do you recommend? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYay someone else who remembers it! I've definitely read Niven solo but not a lot of him. And I think I've hit on Flynn before too, but I'm not 100% sure. I think I just got a copy of this at a...Yay someone else who remembers it! I've definitely read Niven solo but not a lot of him. And I think I've hit on Flynn before too, but I'm not 100% sure. I think I just got a copy of this at a used bookstore at just the right time.
With hindsight only because like I said I do want to reread it myself. I feel like Genesis Quest is giving me similar vibes to Octavia Butler's xenogenesis series in that there's a paternalistic relationship between the aliens and humanity. And that humanity ultimately is not fully satisfied with that relationship. But again from my recollection I feel like thematically they're different in how they address that tension.
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Comment on Autistic/Neurodivergent/"just stubborn" members: how did you [happily] learn to do something you couldn't just instantly do? in ~life
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentOh absolutely! I do not consider this to be something that should be pressed on someone from the outside nor will I pretend it is always the healthiest option from the inside. But it is the way...Oh absolutely! I do not consider this to be something that should be pressed on someone from the outside nor will I pretend it is always the healthiest option from the inside. But it is the way that I have found to get over those particularly difficult. Humps when my focus is no longer on the new task. However, I do have to use it somewhat sparingly as there is only so much spite to go around in this economy.
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Comment on Any significant changes to Tildes are extremely unlikely in ~tildes.official
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentNo worries about rambling at all That's fair and while my advice is very much aimed at "talking to neurotypicals" that is where point 3 helps a lot in asking what the person is looking for - that...No worries about rambling at all
On a base level, this makes sense. It doesn't gel with how I would expect or want it roles reversed - if I'm having a bad experience I am either looking for advice or using my talking as a coping mechanism, as opposed to looking for emotional support or empathy. So I struggle to see things from that angle because its a type of caring that I've barely been exposed to in my life (long story, not a pleasant one) and thus don't expect from or know how to react to it when it does happen.
That's fair and while my advice is very much aimed at "talking to neurotypicals" that is where point 3 helps a lot in asking what the person is looking for - that "vent/ramble with just vague empathy/support" can look similar across neurotypes even if there are tweaks. And when someone doesn't mind that pebbling of information and experiences back and forth it makes it easier.
I am sorry (expression of empathy not responsibility) that this has been your experience. And that's part of why I suggested some scripting, but also would recommend watching media with thoughts toward how people have these conversations (maybe not comedies... Sometimes). Masking is a coping skill but an uncomfortable one and I don't suggest it unless/when it's necessary.
Point 3 is key though, and is the thing I most find myself trying to remember in the moment. Asking for clarity when the other person thinks their perspective is already clear helps head off the confusion I often run into. Of course, its hard to ask when I think they're being clear from my pov (when actually I've got it wrong), but it does work.
And that makes sense. It's a good skill to learn how to offer what folks are looking for.
Often times with Point 1, I struggle with common "small talk" situations because they are reminiscent of a trauma I've experienced, and my brain defaults to self-defense mode trying to summarize or tune out details. Then later I'll find there was an important detail I needed to catch and couldn't/didn't because I was trying to avoid the alternative, which in my case can lead to gag reflex->hyperventilation (panic attack).
That is fair too. It's ok to let someone know that you care about them (if applicable) or that you want to help them but that hearing the details is bringing up your own past and you can't handle that right now. I can't promise people won't be a jerk about it, but you setting boundaries is healthy and socially appropriate and if they're a jerk, that's them being a jerk.
I do appreciate the effort you put into both probing and replying in-depth here. My prior experiences in exploring issues like these online is that people tend to jump to incorrect assumptions/conclusions from their very different experience, and it ends up making one or both parties look like they're acting in bad faith.
Glad to be somewhat helpful! I work with a lot of our ND/autistic/ADHD students and while I'm not autistic (I don't think, pretty sure) I have my own sensory issues, and a sense of needing to script/practice/overstress on my social interactions in a way that I've mostly learned how to put on automatic but sometimes have to run in manual transmission and shift gears myself.
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Comment on American Red Cross declares second-ever national blood supply crisis, urges immediate blood donations in ~health
DefinitelyNotAFae LinkI finally successfully donated yesterday! (Had some low iron)I finally successfully donated yesterday! (Had some low iron)
This tracks, with my education. I requested the full study to read the details (or may be able to access at work later today) but access to deadly means - firearm - is more predictive of death than having ideation. And likely the people calling hotlines are the folks who aren't at that absolute final crisis point where they choose to act. We just don't know which of the folks with ideation will act without a full evaluation (and even then). Alcohol is a known factor because along with altering your mood directly, it lowers your inhibitions and makes you more likely to act on an impulsive thought.
I try to remind people that to someone who is suicidal, death is the solution to all of those unsolvable problems, and the suicidal thoughts aren't "the problem" and shouldn't be treated as "the problem" to someone offering support, especially professionally.