meme's recent activity

  1. Comment on Semi-formal study of people trying a fad diet where you eat mostly potatoes for four weeks in ~health

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    I'm absolutely cackling at the demographics of this study, confirming all my biases about the fanbase of slatestarcodex. But good on them for being so game for some informal science

    I'm absolutely cackling at the demographics of this study, confirming all my biases about the fanbase of slatestarcodex. But good on them for being so game for some informal science

    4 votes
  2. Comment on Creators are mitigating burnout with longform YouTube videos in ~tech

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    Between this and the Lindsay Ellis article, I'm suspicious the Ellis-Nicholson-Contrapoints-etc friend group has conspired with NBC news to get press coverage. (I'm not saying this as a bad thing,...

    Between this and the Lindsay Ellis article, I'm suspicious the Ellis-Nicholson-Contrapoints-etc friend group has conspired with NBC news to get press coverage.

    (I'm not saying this as a bad thing, nearly every business tries to get mentioned in the press)

  3. Comment on What is the most pedantic, arrogant, obnoxious answer for the sentence "Good morning!" you can think of? in ~creative

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    side prompt: neil degrasse tyson responding to "good morning" by giving a snotty lecture about astronomical time

    side prompt: neil degrasse tyson responding to "good morning" by giving a snotty lecture about astronomical time

    4 votes
  4. Comment on Where/how should I acquire a .com domain for three years in advance? in ~tech

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    Another recc for Namecheap. Reasonable pricing, understandable interface, options for automatic renewal. (Basically the same as paying in advance)

    Another recc for Namecheap. Reasonable pricing, understandable interface, options for automatic renewal. (Basically the same as paying in advance)

    5 votes
  5. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~lgbt

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    My personal sensibilities and views about gender is that it is both prescriptive and descriptive if you separate it into components, and is especially different in what is internally determined vs...

    My personal sensibilities and views about gender is that it is both prescriptive and descriptive if you separate it into components, and is especially different in what is internally determined vs externally determined when you separate it. Gender is a role you fill, a performance you put on, an experience you have, a thing other people assign to you, and an identity you assign to yourself. And none of those things are necessarily fixed and can very based on context.

    To some degree I think that being homosexual automatically confers a degree of gender non conformity or "non binaryness". So much of gender is built around heterosexual attraction and heterosexual roles. I'm a lesbian and I truly feel like my gender is "lesbian" more than it is "woman". What most people ascribe to the "woman" role and "womanhood" simply don't fit me. Gender non conformity is super common in queer people too and I prefer to dress and present androgynous. My interests and hobbies are both masculine and feminine, and I've been told my typing style is somewhat masculine but my mannerisms IRL are slightly feminine.

    On the internet, most of the time, I present as male and I'm gendered as male. In real life, I present as a female bodied person who wears mostly men's clothes and 98% of the time I'm gendered as female by others. In lesbian and wlw circles, I'm not a butch lesbian or a femme lesbian but I'm considered "boyish" or "masculine" to some degree. So my gender experience definitely changes based on context.

    There's also the aspect of "transness" itself as a gender, like experiencing dysphoria or doing physical transition things like voice training, hrt, surgery, etc. Some people might classify me as being under the trans umbrella, but in my personal definition I think it would only fit me if I had strong dysphoria or a desire for physical transition.

    There are a shitton of different philosophical approaches to the nature of gender, especially in the queer community, and it can be hard to pin down and is definitely a source of a lot of debate! I've got a "live and let live" approach. (I think most of us do). Even if my conception on gender takes into account how outside observers gender me, for some people the main and largest component of their sense of gender is identity and internal experience. These kinds of conversations are fascinating to me so thank you for a good prompt!

    7 votes
  6. Comment on Walking away from Omelas - Lindsay Ellis says goodbye in ~life

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    Cases like Lindsay Ellis and Jenna Marbles have made me extremely cynical about the notion of "accountability" online. An accountability process, at least in person with ones friends, first begins...
    • Exemplary

    Cases like Lindsay Ellis and Jenna Marbles have made me extremely cynical about the notion of "accountability" online. An accountability process, at least in person with ones friends, first begins with the wronged party raising an issue because they WANT for the relationship to be repaired. For example if a friend says something that hurt me, and I bring it up later, I could be doing it because I want to forgive them, or I could be doing it solely for the goal of making them feel bad. You'd have to be a real jerk to call a friend out just to twist the knife, and you'd lose someone you care about. So all the callouts I've made or that got called out on me had a completely different energy, where we all want to find a way to move on and make peace. And on the internet, most callouts are even worse in their motivations because you gain status for yourself by calling someone else out and knocking them down a peg. Most internet callouts begin with a desire to tear an enemy down.

    And why did Lindsay have so many "enemies"? Honestly, I think it begins and ends with her personality and style of speaking being really annoying. (Well, annoying to some people). I feel like it created this well of anger in people, "How is this annoying mediocre woman with a bad personality so successful at a job that depends on her personality?"

    Option A: People simply have different tastes and she only suits some of them.

    Option B: It's all a conspiracy to prop up mediocre white woman and suck away the resources from more deserving creators.

    So I see a lot of bitter people, white or not, landing on Option B and running with it, then believing every single thing Lindsay does is part of the Mediocrity Industrial Complex and she must be defeated at all costs. I don't think it's fair to blame "bad faith", the right wing, or malicious actors. There are a lot of people on the left who legitimately hate Lindsay and are tired of seeing her face pop up in Youtube recommendations. That's the simple beginning and end of it.

    If I want to go full armchair psychology, I think it's because attention and kindness are two resources that are extremely scarce on the internet. People are bitter to begin with because they have not gotten the kindness or attention they needed, so when they see someone else getting it they start to think any sort of kindness or attention at all must be "deserved", and only the most perfect people deserve it. They think they are being noble by cancelling Lindsay and conserving resources.

    Where this all gets volatile is that Lindsay herself has participated in some of these cancel culture shenanigans. No one is innocent, to be clear. I've done it too and anyone who is online a lot has as well. I wonder if being more introspective about the "why" would make people think twice before participating in a pile on. What made me feel such a strong sense of constant injustice that I'm looking to get relief by e-bullying a D list internet celebrity?

    7 votes
  7. Comment on I am a transwoman, I am in the closet and I am not coming out in ~lgbt

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    Honestly I'm glad the title itself spoke to you, I think there are parts of the article that have value for speaking to the kind of pain in choosing not to transition. It would be perfect if it...

    Honestly I'm glad the title itself spoke to you, I think there are parts of the article that have value for speaking to the kind of pain in choosing not to transition. It would be perfect if it wasn't for all the weird agenda-pushing about misandry and how feminists are all shrill man haters.

    5 votes
  8. Comment on I am a transwoman, I am in the closet and I am not coming out in ~lgbt

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    I remember at the time being really suspicious of this author, because all their reasons about not wanting to transition essentially boil down to hating other women, and specifically feminist...

    I remember at the time being really suspicious of this author, because all their reasons about not wanting to transition essentially boil down to hating other women, and specifically feminist women. The author keeps pushing this sort of angle that because feminist women have complaints and grievances with cis men, it is their fault she cannot transition. She lays the issue of transmisogyny entirely at the feet of cis women, while having little to say about cis men's role in the issue. She keeps complaining about "misandry" that feminists have and how it prevents her from transitioning. She has not written anything else before or since. I am just as convinced now as I was in 2018 that the article was written as some sort of troll calculated to rile up as many different groups as possible. The entire conceit of the article is "misandry is real and if you think otherwise you are harming me".

    8 votes
  9. Comment on On communicating accurately with Americans in ~humanities

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    He seems very fussy and particular, especially because this was written BEFORE covid! Maybe he's chilled out since 2019? I hope so!

    He seems very fussy and particular, especially because this was written BEFORE covid! Maybe he's chilled out since 2019? I hope so!

    5 votes
  10. Comment on Where I live, no one cares about COVID in ~health.coronavirus

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    I live in the supposed "liberal bubble" (NYC) and most people are surprisingly open to talking about their feelings - specifically the "I don't care anymore" feeling. I'm doing a lot of stuff that...

    I actually share a lot of the fatigue he feels about the whole situation

    I live in the supposed "liberal bubble" (NYC) and most people are surprisingly open to talking about their feelings - specifically the "I don't care anymore" feeling. I'm doing a lot of stuff that is incredibly unwise, like going to indoor events with unmasked people. They're all tired of pandemic life too. Most liberals in blue states ARE living like covid is over! Conservatives aren't special, I guess except in the aspect that they want to defy public health orders or continue to go to parties while hospitals are having mass deaths. I'm vaxxed and boosted. I wear my mask when the rules of the venue request it or if most people around me are wearing it. If things start shutting down again because of Omicron, I'm not gonna rabble rouse.

    4 votes
  11. Comment on On communicating accurately with Americans in ~humanities

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    It kind of blew my mind he ended the post with "I choose to educate [them]". Bud, wouldn't the easy thing be to educate yourself instead of trying to make the world change for you? I'm American...

    It kind of blew my mind he ended the post with "I choose to educate [them]". Bud, wouldn't the easy thing be to educate yourself instead of trying to make the world change for you?

    I'm American and when I visit Japan the style of communication is very difficult for me, but I do make an effort to adjust. It only feels indirect or confusing if you're not used to it.

    9 votes
  12. Comment on On communicating accurately with Americans in ~humanities

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    and that's like, what, 20 seconds of unbroken speaking? I'm from the east coast and a current new yorker and that's freakish behavior by our standards. strangers should be spoken to for absolutely...

    and that's like, what, 20 seconds of unbroken speaking? I'm from the east coast and a current new yorker and that's freakish behavior by our standards. strangers should be spoken to for absolutely as little time as possible. a simple "excuse me, you're bumping my bag" would be the polite way to go

    14 votes
  13. Comment on Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Part One) | First look in ~movies

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    The animation is stunning and has pushed the field forward in a landmark way. I'm a sucker for design related stuff so I think the movie is worth watching just on those merits. Story wise, it's...

    The animation is stunning and has pushed the field forward in a landmark way. I'm a sucker for design related stuff so I think the movie is worth watching just on those merits. Story wise, it's nothing special, but much better than your average comic book movie

    4 votes
  14. Comment on Great, affordable downtowns that don't require a car? in ~life

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    On your list, I'd say Chicago is the most livable without a car. I'm also going to second the recc for Philadelphia if you want "livable without a car". (I know you have a car, but I'm thinking in...

    On your list, I'd say Chicago is the most livable without a car. I'm also going to second the recc for Philadelphia if you want "livable without a car". (I know you have a car, but I'm thinking in terms of "is your wife able to do anything she wants without having to rely on you for transport).

    Being close to family is really valuable too of course, but I don't know much about Richmond or KC

    3 votes
  15. Comment on How do you solve a problem like Woody Allen's ‘Manhattan’? in ~movies

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    If I feel someone's crimes or moral transgressions cross a line, I will no longer give them financial or social support by being in their audience. Except for one loophole: if they are dead. I...

    If I feel someone's crimes or moral transgressions cross a line, I will no longer give them financial or social support by being in their audience. Except for one loophole: if they are dead. I would watch a Wagner opera, and enjoy it while still evaluating its connection to his antisemitism, but until Louis CK is dead I will not enjoy his works. (I know his offenses are "small" in comparison to other people, but I was much more emotionally involved in his work so I felt a bit betrayed when I learned about the sexual harassment)

    I can't separate art and artist, but I can allow myself to enjoy their works if I know the monstrous artist in question can in no way benefit from my participation.

    It gets even more complicated when the monster in question didn't "author" the work but just contributed to it. For example, Weinstein and all his films he served as a producer on. In those cases it becomes much easier for me to enjoy the stuff they contributed to if the monster was given any justice for their crimes.

    2 votes
  16. Comment on The harmful ableist language you unknowingly use in ~life

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    hah, I will say you're much more linguistically informed than me! I was an art student so all my humanities knowledge comes from stuff I read for fun, and most of what I know about linguistics was...

    hah, I will say you're much more linguistically informed than me! I was an art student so all my humanities knowledge comes from stuff I read for fun, and most of what I know about linguistics was learned when I was trying to understand post-structuralism and post-modernism in philosophy.

    "gay" has special meaning for me too, because I was that kid in middle school calling stuff "gay" just because I didn't like it, or calling things "gay" if I associated those things with the Liberal Plague Known as Homosexuality. I've been an out and proud lesbian for a few years and it's now a term I apply with love to myself and my community.

    There's some degree of language policing I will agree to - like, the f slur for gay men is not a thing I should be using or trying to reclaim. I have removed "retarded" from my common speech as it became a taboo thing to say in polite company. Because once a word was already made taboo, a deliberate choice to use it is the speaker's signal that they do not care for politeness and social norms. (Or even a signal the speaker gets active enjoyment from making other people uncomfortable).

    But all this is a reminder to me that if a certain portion of disabled people are asking to make more words taboo, that probably speaks to unmet needs in regards to how respected and included they feel. I could certainly be doing better at advocating for the large-scale changes that would improve disabled people's lives, whether it's handicap access, universal healthcare, and de-stigmatization of intellectual and mental health disabilities.

    13 votes
  17. Comment on The harmful ableist language you unknowingly use in ~life

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    The fundamental thesis of this article is very Sapir-Whorf-y, aka "linguistic determinism", which in its strongest form has been entirely discredited and in it's milder form is still hotly...

    The fundamental thesis of this article is very Sapir-Whorf-y, aka "linguistic determinism", which in its strongest form has been entirely discredited and in it's milder form is still hotly debated. The central thesis is that if a word's origin is related to discrimination against a group of disabled people, then the usage of that word is creating an environment which is hostile to those disabled people by subtly influencing our thoughts.

    This argument is built on sand in my eyes. Very few people are aware of "dumb"'s origin as a diagnosis. Words like "stupid", "moron", and "imbecile" are similarly obscure to the average english speaker. How can we possibly be subconsciously influenced if the vast majority of people are not even aware of these origins?

    The word "gay" means happy, yet when I was growing up that did not stop it from becoming a disparaging term, used to deride both things that seemed LGBT, or things that the speaker merely didn't like. (Gonna miss soccer practice because you have detention? Ugh, that's gay, sorry bro). Its origin as meaning "happy", theoretically, should have made it subconsciously influence people to associate gayness with happiness. This clearly did not happen. Gay people pushed for acceptance, and only then did the colloquial usage of "gay" follow, becoming positive again.

    There is also a bent of argument that if one was truly empathetic, compassionate, and concerned about disabled people's needs, they would come around to the idea that we must excise "ableist language" from English. It's a gentler form of "If you do not agree with me, I have superior morality".

    I've touched on this before, but I am not a fully able-minded person, and I experience discrimination, shame, and guilt because of that. On a base level, we view a human being's value as being intrinsically tied towards their usefulness in productive labor and their conformity to social norms. That is why I face difficulties and stigma from my mental illness, because we assign morality towards ones ability to do work. Probably the most common accusation lobbied at a person with my type of depression is that we are "lazy". Would banning the word "lazy" cause people to have a sea-change in attitude towards the mentally ill? No. Would banning the word "lazy" create a social and legal system which does not punish depressed people for being less productive or functional? No.

    The treatment of disabled people is an issue that has deep meaning to me, and for mental illness, personal meaning. I'm very much in agreement that disabled people are othered, discriminated against, and overlooked, and a compassionate society would seek to put an end to that. So I'm united with the author in wanting the same outcome, but strongly disagree that making more words taboo would ever get us there.

    24 votes
  18. Comment on Repeatedly finding myself upset with the conversations on Tildes in ~talk

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    I'm not black so it's not my lane, but there are always going to be some members of a vulnerable group who are willing and ready to discuss harmful topics with insensitive people. Not all the time...
    • Exemplary

    I'm not black so it's not my lane, but there are always going to be some members of a vulnerable group who are willing and ready to discuss harmful topics with insensitive people. Not all the time even, but some times. And since you and I aren't black, I would imagine we can't really make a guess of how they feel about discussions of phrenology, how seriously they take it, and whether or not it is disturbing.

    People are not going to ever be in 100% agreement about what is hateful and what is off limits, or what is too sensitive to discuss. Conflict and disagreement are inevitable.

    Without conflict, there can be no diversity. And I'm using "conflict" here loosely, as in, verbal disagreement of some sort, opposing viewpoints, lack of agreement. If everyone has the exact same views, there is no conflict.

    I do echo deimos's opinion and say that it is also good and healthy to check out when certain topics are not bringing joy to you. We all have our sensitivities and things that really get under our skin or ignite old feelings of mistreatment. But I do not believe that such feelings are sacred in of themselves - or that such feelings always require accommodation from the offending party.

    I care about social justice, unfairness, and making people feel welcome. But I have also seen what happens when you let a group's rules and conversations be built around who performs the most pain and oppression. You end up with an even more toxic space where hurt and trauma become a sort of currency and people feel worse interacting with the space.

    20 votes
  19. Comment on Replacing ableist and mental health exclusive language (crazy, insane, whack, ...) in ~talk

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    I have struggled with mental illness (depression and ADHD type issues) and I'm really not bothered by "stupid", "insane", "crazy", or any other words like this in common usage. "Retard" is unique...

    I have struggled with mental illness (depression and ADHD type issues) and I'm really not bothered by "stupid", "insane", "crazy", or any other words like this in common usage. "Retard" is unique because it was a medical term that became an edgy insult, but it was never fully okay to say - like, that's not an insult you'd see appearing in a Disney movie. Even the "Let's Get Retarded" song by the Black Eyed Peas was censored to "Get It Started" for the radio.

    There is a lot of stigma for mentally ill people, especially those who have periods of disability where they are unable to perform at work/school or properly care for themselves. Asking to people change their language really does nothing against these harmful stigmas about mentally ill people seeking assistance and accommodation. It does nothing to address the fundamental power structure in place here where only a certain portion of humanity is afforded dignity or basic sustenance because we believe that people must "earn" it. The stigma only hurts mentally ill people because our power structure allows for those things to be withheld from them. For example, if everyone was guaranteed housing, the stigma against mental illness would never result in the mentally ill becoming homeless.

    The euphemism treadmill does not feel like meaningful inclusion to me. It would make me feel coddled instead of like I was being accepted and respected. My symptoms for the most part are harmful, and they person they harm the most often is me. (And it's not just because of the lack of accommodation, my depression could torment me even if every aspect of my life was perfect).

    12 votes
  20. Comment on Andrew Yang files paperwork to run for New York City mayor in ~news

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    I don't know. People really, REALLY hated DeBlasio. His policies have caused a financial crisis. And the Democrat party here is horribly corrupt and useless. Republicans are out of the question...

    I don't know. People really, REALLY hated DeBlasio. His policies have caused a financial crisis. And the Democrat party here is horribly corrupt and useless. Republicans are out of the question because they think having robust government services is impossible and just want austerity.

    Cynthia Nixon ran against Cuomo in the Democratic govener primary and a lot of people considered voting for her and held back because it felt risky. And now a lot of them are regretting that, because Cuomo's handling of the shutdown has been controversial.

    I will probably be voting for Yang in the primary. I will tell my friends to consider it as well. Mainstream Democrats here are extremely corrupt. They don't have the courage to trim the fat from money-sucking government programs. I want the government to be big and smart, not big and failing.

    12 votes