monarda's recent activity
-
Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
-
Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentWhen you first said you accidentally picked a holiday, I thought for sure the next thing you were going to say was that you decided to skip it altogether. Glad to see I was wrong, and that it went...When you first said you accidentally picked a holiday, I thought for sure the next thing you were going to say was that you decided to skip it altogether. Glad to see I was wrong, and that it went well for you. Was there anything you found particularly challenging?
-
Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk
monarda Link ParentOh my goodness you almost nailed how I feel about raisins, and I didn’t even know I had a stance on raisins until I read your words. The only place I like them is in Raisin Bran. And I really...Oh my goodness you almost nailed how I feel about raisins, and I didn’t even know I had a stance on raisins until I read your words. The only place I like them is in Raisin Bran. And I really enjoy them there but nowhere else. Prior to reading about how you think about raisins, I would have just said, “they’re okay,” because I didn’t know how to articulate my raisin preferences. Thank you :)
-
Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentBarring the minigraine, it sounds like this worked out for you. Reading is also something I enjoy doing, but it’s not something I do as often as I’d like when I have devices at hand. I too have...Barring the minigraine, it sounds like this worked out for you. Reading is also something I enjoy doing, but it’s not something I do as often as I’d like when I have devices at hand.
I too have the toxic must do something trait, or maybe for me it’s more “I should be doing” something other than what I am currently doing. Ugh. It drives me nuts. I’ve been getting better at it though. Interestingly enough, I did not experience that third weekend.
-
Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda (edited )Link ParentWow, so this time went a lot better than the last time. In a way I set myself up for success by having some things I had to do that ate up some larger chunks of time. One of the things I found...- Exemplary
Wow, so this time went a lot better than the last time. In a way I set myself up for success by having some things I had to do that ate up some larger chunks of time.
One of the things I found interesting is that some of the physical feelings I had when I wanted to grab my phone and scroll or play, felt similar to the first couple of months when I stopped drinking - restlessness, anxiousness, pacing. I ended up putting my phone into my car for a couple of hours.
I had a wonderful day. One of things I did was write out some stuff about my mother. I’ll be meeting up with her in Italy for a five week vacation, and I’ve been filled with a lot of anxiety regarding spending that much time with her. We have some pain points. So I thought about and wrote about how I aggravate the situation instead of helping it, and how I might behave differently - what I might be able to do differently that aligns more with the sort of person I want to be. There were quite a few times where I wanted to stop quit or take a break work my phone, but I pushed through and feel amazing.
Quite by accident I found myself cleaning the bathroom. It just seemed like the thing to do, and it didn’t really feel like a chore. Afterwards I took a shower, and for the first time in a long time looked at my body in the mirror. I’ll be 60 sooner than later, and I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that. My boobs don’t sit where they used to, I’m soft in the middle, my butt also seems to have succumbed to gravity. There are wrinkles on my face, spots beginning to show up on my neck and arms. I just looked at it all, and for the first time felt no judgement. It’s just me.
I met up with a friend for coffee for about an hour then gave someone a ride, and suddenly it was 7pm and I hadn’t been on my phone since
9:459:55. I was so ready to be on it! I sat down to write this post, but my husband started talking to me, and I actually put my phone down and engaged fully. We had a great conversation that lasted until bedtime. Then I played about 45 minutes of games :)I thought that was that, but found it even easier today. I just picked up my phone for the first time, and it’s 5pm. I ran errands, hung out with my husband, meet up with a friend, and has a nice day.
I remember being young, and just doing whatever. I’d ride my bike, poke at ant hills, climb trees, go to the beach, make up games, just being. A couple of years ago someone told me that they thought the point of their existence was to experience themselves. That’s really stuck with me. I spent a good portion of my life running away from myself, and I want to stop doing that. I’m really glad you ran this again, kfwyre. I needed an “excuse” to put down my biggest distraction. Thank you.
Funny note: yesterday morning after I dropped someone at the airport, I was on my way home and saw it was 9:45 and wouldn’t be able to be on my phone anymore. I pulled off the highway and sat in a parking lot for 10 minutes looking at tildes and playing a couple quick daily games hah!
-
Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentThis really hit home. I’ve also been finding that for movies or shows, I’ve been fast forwarding through slower bits, and for books I’m skimming a lot more than I ever have. Watching something...The worst part of this is that I think it makes my appreciation of things even shallower. I'll start to watch a movie or read a book, and I'll get legitimately into it. Like, I'll want to keep going with it because it has genuinely hooked me. But for some reason, that also starts an itch to jump to a different book or a different movie. It's like, once I'm in the middle of it I get too familiar with it, and my brain needs the "new" and starts telling me I should jump ship (even though I know it'll be more satisfying to see whatever I'm currently in the middle of all the way through).
This really hit home. I’ve also been finding that for movies or shows, I’ve been fast forwarding through slower bits, and for books I’m skimming a lot more than I ever have. Watching something with someone else is painful. Do you do anything similar?
-
Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda LinkThank you for this! My day will be tomorrow, Saturday. I’m picking this day because I have a few things going on that helps make it easier :) I’m in a much different place than the last time I...Thank you for this!
My day will be tomorrow, Saturday. I’m picking this day because I have a few things going on that helps make it easier :)I’m in a much different place than the last time I participated. Something I couldn’t quite articulate then that I think I have a grasp on now, is that for a long time I’ve been incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. Being in front of a screen distracts me from myself. It distracts me from an inner dialogue that in the past wasn’t very kind towards me. And it also lets me do the opposite, think about how shitty other people are. But that’s not what I’m wanting right now. I want to experience being more comfortable with myself.
Like I don’t really have hobbies, but I love walking. I live in a beautiful place, but I don’t like to go by myself because I don’t want to be with myself. So tomorrow, I drive someone to the airport, and have an hour and half drive back by myself starting at 10. My plan is to have no screen (phone, computer, tv) until 4 except for calls and texts. When I get home I’m going for a walk that will include our little downtown area, where I’ll get ice cream. At home I have some chores I’ve been putting off that I will at least look at and at least do one thing. I might even get out a pencil and sketch pad!
I guess that’s the plan, 10-4 spend time with myself. I’ll let you know how it goes :)
Edit: to answer the question, I think my phone has the most negative impact because it’s always with me, and I can always find a distraction. I don’t even think about it anymore! The tv is usually a conscious decision.
-
Comment on Are others finding themselves spending less and less time online? in ~tech
monarda Link ParentWow, it was April 2021 when I participated. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago. I just read my response and though I remembered that it wasn’t comfortable (it was uncomfortable enough that...Wow, it was April 2021 when I participated. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago. I just read my response and though I remembered that it wasn’t comfortable (it was uncomfortable enough that I never participated again lol), I had forgotten how uncomfortable it was. What I totally forgot was how much I learned and that I wanted to cultivate how to just be. I’m looking forward to seeing how I do this time. Thank you :)
-
Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (August 2026) in ~health.mental
monarda Link ParentHi fnulare. You’re a more active user than I am, but often when I’m lurking and there’s a post I like, I’ll see your name attached to it. You help make this little part of the internet a place I...Hi fnulare. You’re a more active user than I am, but often when I’m lurking and there’s a post I like, I’ll see your name attached to it. You help make this little part of the internet a place I come to. Thank you for that.
In these threads specifically, I hear your honesty and the way you’re trying to figure things out or come to terms with things. So often I relate. To hear another human give voice to the struggles, the triumphs, and the failures makes me feel a bit more connected to the larger world. I liked hearing about your experiment, how it turned out, and what you think of it, like now you have more information about what doesn’t work for you.
As far as I know I’m not on the spectrum, but I too have grief related to my life, specifically how I was or wasn’t parented and how that affected the rest of my life. Or rather I grieve over a life I never had but long for, or something like that. I actually had a cry over it this morning. A lot of the time I can live in a state of acceptance - it was what it was and I can’t change it, but sometimes it just makes me sad. For me, I think it’s okay to be sad about it, as long as I don’t live in that space too long.
Anyway, just mostly wanted to say hello.
-
Comment on The Gateless Gate 3D: Forty-nine Zen Buddhist koans, each with its own interactive scene in ~humanities
monarda LinkThis is beautiful. I’ve only spent a brief time looking at it, but intend to spend more. I especially like the sit button.This is beautiful. I’ve only spent a brief time looking at it, but intend to spend more. I especially like the sit button.
-
Comment on Tildes Gardening Group: Week 3/8/26 in ~hobbies
monarda Link ParentOh my gosh, thank you for the videos! I’m going out with a needle later today to check my figs. I’d pretty much given up on ever understanding when they are ripe.Oh my gosh, thank you for the videos! I’m going out with a needle later today to check my figs. I’d pretty much given up on ever understanding when they are ripe.
-
Comment on Tildes Gardening Group: Week 3/8/26 in ~hobbies
monarda Link ParentI have a fig tree and never know when to pick them. It seems like I always choose overripe or underripe. Any pointers?I have a fig tree and never know when to pick them. It seems like I always choose overripe or underripe. Any pointers?
-
Comment on Ray Bradbury's "There Will Come Soft Rains" as read by actor Burgess Meredith (1962) in ~books
-
Comment on People who have run events on Tildes or maintaining long running series of posts, any lessons or advices? in ~tildes
monarda Link ParentI was about to ask you for another screenless day. I think I participated in the first one, and it was sort of terrifying as well as illuminating. Would totally participate if you did it again.I was about to ask you for another screenless day. I think I participated in the first one, and it was sort of terrifying as well as illuminating. Would totally participate if you did it again.
-
Comment on MapTap: Daily challenges to test your geographical knowledge in ~games
monarda LinkI liked playing the game, but I really liked reading about the different people associated with those places. I had never heard of Charles Feeney. What a man! 942 100, 95, 99, 99 and oops 88I liked playing the game, but I really liked reading about the different people associated with those places. I had never heard of Charles Feeney. What a man!
942
100, 95, 99, 99 and oops 88 -
Comment on Tildes Gardening Group: Week 13/7/26 in ~hobbies
monarda LinkI haven’t done anything really new in my garden this year. But there has been some interesting things going on. Last year I had planted some calendula seeds in my perennial bed. They did okay, but...I haven’t done anything really new in my garden this year. But there has been some interesting things going on. Last year I had planted some calendula seeds in my perennial bed. They did okay, but didn’t really produce enough for harvest. Oddly, even though they are annuals, three of them overwintered! Didn’t even lose their lower leaves. This spring I cut them down to their green bits to see what would happen, and they are producing like mad! I go out everyday and harvest a ton of flowers. I find this super exciting :)
-
Comment on Tildes Book Club discussion - June 2026 - How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying by Django Wexler in ~books
monarda Link ParentI’m not part of the book club either! I was wondering if anyone else thought the same way. I too can enjoy some crass humor, and again like you, with a very limited number of people, most notably...I’m not part of the book club either!
I was wondering if anyone else thought the same way. I too can enjoy some crass humor, and again like you, with a very limited number of people, most notably my husband. But not all time. It grows old and weary when overused, and that’s how I think this book used it. -
Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
monarda Link ParentI can’t believe I missed this. I read it after reading your post, and I agree with everything you wrote.The Ship Who Sang by Anne McCaffrey
I can’t believe I missed this. I read it after reading your post, and I agree with everything you wrote.
-
Comment on What creative projects have you been working on? in ~creative
-
Comment on Tildes Book Club discussion - June 2026 - How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying by Django Wexler in ~books
monarda Link ParentI’m usually adverse to violence and do skim a lot of it. With that said, I felt that a lot of the violence in this books drives home how utterly horrific this has been for Davi and gives credence...I’m usually adverse to violence and do skim a lot of it. With that said, I felt that a lot of the violence in this books drives home how utterly horrific this has been for Davi and gives credence to her don’t give a shit attitude. It also helped me feel invested in Davi, like I really want her to succeed this time. It also made me more willing to go along into the moral gray areas of the character because of a “would I be any different?”
Most of the time I’m a joiner rather than a leader. I need a bus to get on :)