monarda's recent activity
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental
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Comment on What are the simple things in your life that you are thankful for? in ~life
monarda LinkWhen my class ends at night I call my husband as I’m walking to my car. He always does this thing where he checks if the ferries are on time, the name of the boat I’ll be on, where it’s currently...When my class ends at night I call my husband as I’m walking to my car. He always does this thing where he checks if the ferries are on time, the name of the boat I’ll be on, where it’s currently located, and how many tickets are left for it. He then checks my drive time on maps to see if I have enough time to catch it. While I’m driving he gives me updates, and when I get there he starts checking to see if he can see my car on any of the cams and if he does, he says he gets all excited. If he can’t see me, I’ll tell him which cars or trucks are around me. I text him when the car is loaded and again as the boat docks at its destination at which time he checks maps again to calculate my arrival into the driveway. He’s done this for over 20 years and it used to bug the crud out of me. But now I’m so grateful that I see it for what it is, that he’s participating in my life, that he looks forward to seeing me, and that he’s sharing that with me.
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Comment on TV Tuesdays Free Talk in ~tv
monarda Link ParentI felt the same way about Dept Q while watching it, but after I was done with it, I didn’t mind that I had watched and would watch another season. Let me know what you think of it once you finish.I felt the same way about Dept Q while watching it, but after I was done with it, I didn’t mind that I had watched and would watch another season. Let me know what you think of it once you finish.
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Comment on What are some of your favorite stews/soups? in ~food
monarda Link ParentDo you do anything different with the Colombian Chicken Stew? I love how easy it looks, but I’m having a hard time believing it’s tasty. I am going to give it a try as written. Thank you!Do you do anything different with the Colombian Chicken Stew? I love how easy it looks, but I’m having a hard time believing it’s tasty. I am going to give it a try as written. Thank you!
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental
monarda Link ParentDefinitely more gradual. My inner dialogue was a gang of bullies, and when they weren’t beating the crap out of me, I got obsessive thoughts of horrific images. Those things still happen, but they...Definitely more gradual. My inner dialogue was a gang of bullies, and when they weren’t beating the crap out of me, I got obsessive thoughts of horrific images. Those things still happen, but they are not incessant, and I’m able to pull up more quickly to an even keel. I started a journal of good memories/things. Old ones, new ones, I started writing them down, and when the thoughts would come, I’d read what I wrote, or think about them, try to visualize them. That helped a lot at the beginning. I did find that my brain can corrupt anything, so eventually, I had to find something else. But it let me know that that crap was INTERRUPTIBLE. Anyway, it’s been a journey, one I’m still on.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental
monarda LinkToday marks three years from the last time I took a drink. I can’t believe the life I’m living today compared to then. My circumstances haven’t changed, but I have. I feel joy and awe, and pain...Today marks three years from the last time I took a drink. I can’t believe the life I’m living today compared to then. My circumstances haven’t changed, but I have. I feel joy and awe, and pain and disappointment, and I’m grateful for it all. I’m no longer filled with so much self loathing that I isolate myself because I’m afraid of being seen. I no longer spend hours in bed comforting myself with suicidal thoughts. I’ve made a couple of friends. I got invited to go camping, and I said yes, and it was socially scary and sometimes uncomfortable, and sometimes I panicked, but I knew those feelings would pass and wouldn’t have to define the experience. I had a good time! And I’m still friends with them! My children joke with me again and include me and want to hang out with me. I’m present more often than not in my life, and I can’t believe it took me this long to finally live it.
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Comment on How do you volunteer your time? in ~talk
monarda LinkOur community has an organization for volunteer caregivers. The name makes it sound like a huge commitment, but they match what you’re capable of doing/ want to do with elderly in the community. A...Our community has an organization for volunteer caregivers. The name makes it sound like a huge commitment, but they match what you’re capable of doing/ want to do with elderly in the community. A lot of the jobs are one offs, like helping someone get to an appointment or picking up a prescription. But there’s also opportunities to just go hang out with an elderly person who desires human connection. I got to hang out with this 97 year old guy named Dan. I’d go over to his house a couple times a month and play cards and shoot the shit. He was crotchety and funny, but also really lonely because he had out lived most of his family and friends. Eventually he needed 24 hour care and went to a home near his grand daughter. It was a rewarding experience.
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Comment on Small production team/amateur documentaries? in ~movies
monarda LinkListers look (oh my goodness, is the word “looks or look?) good! Thank you for posting these.Listers look (oh my goodness, is the word “looks or look?) good! Thank you for posting these.
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Comment on Can we bury enough wood to slow climate change? in ~enviro
monarda Link ParentI don’t think this works for carbon sequestration. The fungi, bacteria, and other microbes would break down the carbon and release it to the atmosphere. At least that is my current understanding....I don’t think this works for carbon sequestration. The fungi, bacteria, and other microbes would break down the carbon and release it to the atmosphere. At least that is my current understanding. I think this is why many soil sequestration schemes are not really viable for long term carbon storage.
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Comment on America's dumbest crop: grass in ~enviro
monarda Link ParentBoth sod and grass seed are agricultural products that are harvested and sold. Yes, the lawn I look at today is no longer part of the production cycle, but it was originally cultivated as a crop...Both sod and grass seed are agricultural products that are harvested and sold. Yes, the lawn I look at today is no longer part of the production cycle, but it was originally cultivated as a crop as are most of my other landscape plants.
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Comment on America's dumbest crop: grass in ~enviro
monarda Link Parentcrop = a cultivated plant.Just because lawn grass is grown, doesn't make it a crop.
crop = a cultivated plant.
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Comment on How to stop seeking validation? in ~life
monarda LinkI’ve recently spent a lot of time unpacking my need for validation. The more I unpacked, i saw that I could split validation into some components, recognition/acknowledgement, approval/praise, and...I’ve recently spent a lot of time unpacking my need for validation. The more I unpacked, i saw that I could split validation into some components, recognition/acknowledgement, approval/praise, and appreciation. So when I find myself seeking validation, I ask myself what exactly I’m looking for. Looking for any of those things is not a bad thing, I think it’s a human thing. For me it becomes problematic when it interferes with my self worth, which has been most of my life :)
So what do I try to do?
Recognition and praise are especially problematic for me. I read something that resonated with me, “Recognition felt like a double-edged sword -when I got it, I feared people would resent me. When I didn't, I believed I didn't deserve it.” I began to realize that when people would recognize me or praise me, I would verbally diminish my efforts, and hold back in the future. I didn’t want to shine too brightly and have people resent me. The other thing that I noticed is that, I’m more readily to see when I am not recognized or praised than when I am. It’s all just a clusterfuck of self made angst! So I started accepting recognition and praise when I received it. I’ll say something like, “thank you for noticing, I spent a lot of effort on that!” “thank you, you just made my day!” It’s been really uncomfortable, but I have been noticing that not only do people acknowledge and praise me, but many people are delighted to be acknowledge for their acknowledgement!
Approval is a different beast for me. I WANT IT FROM EVERYONE. I can get paralyzed from the lack of it. I have a deep FEAR that I’m not going to make the right decision. It’s like I need someone to say, “that’s a good idea” or “you’re on the right track” or something to move forward with a lot of things. Another component of that is needing someone to see the worth in something I’m doing or what’s the point. I’ve needed to shift some ways I think about things. The first is, “there’s no right or wrong decision, just decisions with different outcomes.” I ask myself a lot, “what am I afraid of.” Am I afraid of what people might think about me? (who will think it, why does their opinion matter, do they even care, are they even thinking about me at all, why have I given them this power) Am I afraid that I’ll fail and effort will be worth nothing? (don’t I learn something even when I don’t get the outcome I desired, haven’t I at times ended up in a better position - had a better opportunity, greater knowledge, FOLLOWED THROUGH /pats self on back, even with suboptimal results?
This is incomplete, but I don’t know if I’ll have time to finish, so I’m just going to hit post. I’ll end on this: my personal journey through validation neediness, has so far led me to find areas where I can find satisfaction in validating myself. It’s an ongoing thing that I don’t need to be perfect at if there even is such a thing. If I have more time, I’ll post more later.
As an aside, I’m afraid to hit post. Will anyone read it, will anyone want to pull it apart, will it matter? I got something out of writing it maybe someone reading will get something out it.
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Comment on How do you practice self love? in ~health.mental
monarda Link ParentI found that in order for Trazodone to work for me, I had to create space for it to work. It starts hitting my system approximately 30 minutes after I take it, so I need to be prepared - in bed,...I found that in order for Trazodone to work for me, I had to create space for it to work. It starts hitting my system approximately 30 minutes after I take it, so I need to be prepared - in bed, under covers, comfortable, with eyes closed, willing to let myself slip into sleep. If I don’t do that, it hits, and I just stay awake through it. Even though it takes some effort on my part for it to work, I prefer it over heavier sleeping aids because when I wake up I have no residual sleepiness. For myself, I find it’s the same regardless of the dosage. I can stay awake through any dosage if I’m not already in bed.
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Comment on Acts of kindness you've experienced recently? in ~life
monarda LinkI spent almost an entire day with Apple support to fix a problem with my aging ipad. It was tedious and unproductive. They made an appointment for me with a store that’s about an hour away for the...I spent almost an entire day with Apple support to fix a problem with my aging ipad. It was tedious and unproductive. They made an appointment for me with a store that’s about an hour away for the next day. I get there and it too is unproductive. The person just wanted to do all the stuff I had done with apple support already. I was feeling pretty grumpy by the time I was walking back to my car. I’m sitting there in my car thinking about the waste of time and gas, about how I can’t afford a replacement, and what a jerk the guy had been in the store when I look up and notice a large plastic crab on the hood of my car looking back at me. I get out of my car, look around, don’t see anyone, and pick up this happy looking crab, and feel freaking happy too. This crab is awesome! It was obviously 3d printed, has articulated legs and claws, and has a wonderfully serene looking face. It sits in my car and every time I look at it, I get a bit of that feeling.
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Comment on What hat would go well with this jacket? in ~life.style
monarda Link ParentWow, that's a wonderful looking hat, thank you for linking to it!Wow, that's a wonderful looking hat, thank you for linking to it!
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Comment on Woman denied medication for being of childbearing age in ~life.women
monarda Link ParentYou have way more patience than I do. Thank you.You have way more patience than I do. Thank you.
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Comment on New users: Ask your questions about Tildes here! (v3) in ~tildes
monarda Link ParentI just want to let you know that I appreciate your presence here. You have gone all in on helping maintain and make better the tildes culture that has kept me around these parts. Thank you.I just want to let you know that I appreciate your presence here. You have gone all in on helping maintain and make better the tildes culture that has kept me around these parts. Thank you.
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Comment on Harvest time: Share your favorite garden bounty recipes! in ~food
monarda Link ParentNo recipe. I use a half gallon mason jar, stuff it full of leaves that I pick in the morning, fill to the top with water, add a lid, and let sit in the sun until the following afternoon,...No recipe. I use a half gallon mason jar, stuff it full of leaves that I pick in the morning, fill to the top with water, add a lid, and let sit in the sun until the following afternoon, occasionally shaking the jar. On super hot and sunny days, I might strain the first evening if too many of the leaves start turning brown, because that changes the flavor, but most of the time that's not a problem here in the pacific northwest. When I strain the water, I've found squeezing the leaves out adds more flavor. Then I put the tea in the fridge to get cold. I don't add sweetener or anything else. What I find interesting about this tea compared to other teas I make is that it's not particularly aromatic, and the taste doesn't hit when it goes in the mouth. It's during and after the swallowing where I sort of smell/taste the crushed leaf fragrance. I find it surprisingly delightful every sip :)
Something I'm going to try next year is making pesto with it, which I learned recently is something people do. I had no idea!
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Comment on Sexual victimization by women is more common than previously known (2017) in ~life
monarda Link ParentYou have a good day also, lou. Thank you for helping me bring this back around to being kind to each other :)You have a good day also, lou. Thank you for helping me bring this back around to being kind to each other :)
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Comment on Harvest time: Share your favorite garden bounty recipes! in ~food
monarda Link ParentNot who you asked, but I had this same dilemma with lemon balm. This summer I used it to make sun tea, and I freaking loved it. In the past I had tried making a hot tea with it, but the flavor was...Not who you asked, but I had this same dilemma with lemon balm. This summer I used it to make sun tea, and I freaking loved it. In the past I had tried making a hot tea with it, but the flavor was sort of spinachy to me, not something I'm really looking for in a tea. But the sun tea made awesome iced tea. It was better before it flowered.
Thank you for putting your thoughts into words. Some days it seems like everyone else just exists without effort. I’ve spent so much time in my life wondering what the point of me is. Lately though I’ve been getting more comfortable with just being, so I know it’s possible. I’ve even just existed for months at a time, and I’ve been finding I spend a lot less time struggling to exist. Suicide isn’t on the table anymore, but I’m not quite to a place where I don’t sneak a glance at it every now and again.
You’re not alone either. I too look forward to you just being able to exist.