monarda's recent activity

  1. Comment on Tragedy - Stayin' Alive 2017 in ~music

    monarda
    Link Parent
    I wasn't enamored by the additional songs you posted, but my partner was, and he commandeered my computer (which we do not do to each other!) and bopped around the living room excitedly for the...

    I wasn't enamored by the additional songs you posted, but my partner was, and he commandeered my computer (which we do not do to each other!) and bopped around the living room excitedly for the next 30 minutes following more links :)

    2 votes
  2. Comment on Tragedy - Stayin' Alive 2017 in ~music

    monarda
    Link
    That was fun cover, thank you for posting!

    That was fun cover, thank you for posting!

    2 votes
  3. Comment on What are you doing this weekend? in ~talk

    monarda
    Link
    I have three finals on Monday and one on Tuesday, so I am studying. I'm amazed at how relaxed and calm I feel!

    I have three finals on Monday and one on Tuesday, so I am studying. I'm amazed at how relaxed and calm I feel!

    3 votes
  4. Comment on Lorne Lanning discusses his journey to become a game creator, and how the mind-control mechanic solved Oddworld's narrative problems in ~games.game_design

    monarda
    Link Parent
    I read your comment with skepticism. Like the original was pretty freaking cool. I've just gone and looked into "New 'n' Tasty," and I might be sold. Have you played it?

    I read your comment with skepticism. Like the original was pretty freaking cool. I've just gone and looked into "New 'n' Tasty," and I might be sold. Have you played it?

    2 votes
  5. Comment on Lorne Lanning discusses his journey to become a game creator, and how the mind-control mechanic solved Oddworld's narrative problems in ~games.game_design

    monarda
    Link
    That was a great interview, thank you! Oddysee was one of my favorite games ever. The story-line kept me engaged throughout, and it was super interesting to see the thought process behind the...

    That was a great interview, thank you! Oddysee was one of my favorite games ever. The story-line kept me engaged throughout, and it was super interesting to see the thought process behind the story - I had no idea. The creator is an interesting individual.

    Super excited to experience the second part. I'm going to see about picking up Oddysee, so I can play through again (it's been 20 years!) so I am ready when Soulstorm comes out. I haven't been excited for a game since I do not know when!

    3 votes
  6. Comment on Trump knew of the whistleblower complaint earlier than we thought. That's devastating. in ~news

    monarda
    Link Parent
    Support has fallen for trump in farming communities Source: Farm Progress Maybe democrats should address the truth about farmer's issues instead of allowing fearmongering from the right Source:...

    Even farmers, facing real economic consequences die to trump’s actions, and that they acknowledge are a result of trump’s actions, still say they would vote for him again.

    Support has fallen for trump in farming communities Source: Farm Progress

    Maybe democrats should address the truth about farmer's issues instead of allowing fearmongering from the right Source: Modern Farmer

    Second thoughts among the base Source: Cap Times - Madison Wisconsin

    More democrats should seize on this opportunity Source: Iowa Public Radio

    Even the most trumpest of farm industry news showed a decrease in support Source: agweb

    Support is eroding among farmers. There is wedge that could be widened by truth. There doesn't even need to be any promises (you know those things that politicians say that mean shit), all they need to do is educate.

    11 votes
  7. Comment on A page has been added to view the posts you've voted on (up to 30 days old) in ~tildes.official

    monarda
    Link
    I like it and have a preference for it not being paginated!

    I like it and have a preference for it not being paginated!

    8 votes
  8. Comment on Tricky - Aftermath in ~music

    monarda
    Link Parent
    Oh thank you, I l use to love Portishead, and forgotten all about them! I will tag the post.

    Oh thank you, I l use to love Portishead, and forgotten all about them!
    I will tag the post.

    1 vote
  9. Comment on When a deep red town’s only grocery closed, city hall opened its own store. Just don’t call it ‘socialism.’ in ~news

    monarda
    (edited )
    Link
    I debated whether to post this, but in the end decided to go ahead. I'm about to be judgy. Editting the first sentence: This article and the response to it disgusts me. We're talking about people...

    I debated whether to post this, but in the end decided to go ahead. I'm about to be judgy.

    Editting the first sentence: The response to this news disgusts me This article and the response to it disgusts me.
    We're talking about people who need food.
    Who they voted for should not have even been in the article.
    Trying to shame them for their disconnect is shameful.
    Praising them and their town for solving a very real problem is what we should be doing. Praise goes further than shame in bringing about real change in people.
    Let the right shame them if they want, but it shouldn't be us.

    4 votes
  10. Comment on Tricky - Aftermath in ~music

    monarda
    Link
    Not sure what this type of music is called, so didn't know how to tag it.

    Not sure what this type of music is called, so didn't know how to tag it.

  11. Comment on When was the first time you felt different? in ~talk

    monarda
    Link
    When I was way younger, like elementary school, I don't remember feeling different, but I do remember feeling this deep need to make other other people feel like I belonged. I wasn't really liked,...

    When I was way younger, like elementary school, I don't remember feeling different, but I do remember feeling this deep need to make other other people feel like I belonged. I wasn't really liked, but I did have friends. We moved a lot so friendships were fleeting. Home was bad.

    In middle school I started being put in "behavioral modification" programs, aka places where crazy kids went. I remember getting out and starting at a new school, and I guess some kids overheard the principle talking to a teacher about me, and that's where I got the moniker "Crazy Monarda." That's when I first felt different. And I totally played into it. I became "Crazy Monarda." A bunch of jocks would be bullying me, and I would just fly at them, fists flying, screaming the most obscene things. I became a scrappy little girl that seemed to justify everyone's judgement of me.

    And it totally shaped the direction of my life. I think that playing into being crazy allowed me to be judged on my own terms... hrmm. Like you can judge me as this person I present, and hate me or laugh at me, or lock me up, or whatever, but secretly I am this other person that you do not know, so your judgement means nothing, Hah! The reality is that the judgement bore down on me like a mother fucking mountain. And I kept this fragile, hopeful, loving being locked inside, while this wild, angry, hateful person screamed obscenities at the world. The consequences were significant. And the experience of those consequences, further separated me from my peers to a point that I have only met only one person in "real life" who has experienced some of the things I have experienced.

    Unfortunately there are other people who have experienced sexual trauma like me. And it shapes all of us. But I guess in polite company we are suppose to not talk about it because it is shameful. Well it shaped me too. I was trafficked by people who were suppose to protect me, and being the scrappy little girl I became, I ran from all the fucked up shit and made my own life in sex work where I exploited myself instead of being exploited. And I guess I am supposed to feel ashamed about it all, but there were some good times, and I can never talk about it, because I should be the victim and sad if I want redemption. So these huge blocks of time of my life are never open to discussion when socializing. BUT SOME OF IT WAS FUCKING FUNNY!

    So I think I am not different in that we all have our private selves, but sometimes, starting all the way back there in middle school, I think I am different and no one loved that little girl, and there's no acceptance for who she was and what she became. People like me well enough, but funnily enough most people think I am a prude. I don't share me out here in the world.

    24 votes
  12. Comment on Feature Idea: Tildes Playlist - Would it be useful to have some sort of automated, easy to use, media categorization? in ~tildes

    monarda
    Link Parent
    That's pretty cool! I'm playing it right now.

    That's pretty cool! I'm playing it right now.

    1 vote
  13. Comment on I don't know how to move in ~talk

    monarda
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    I think I understood what you were saying, and I don't think you meant it negatively. And you are right, the first step to being good at something is kinda sucking at it!

    I think I understood what you were saying, and I don't think you meant it negatively. And you are right, the first step to being good at something is kinda sucking at it!

    3 votes
  14. Comment on I don't know how to move in ~talk

    monarda
    Link
    I lived. I forgot most of it, I started crying, but I did it. I found out I have good classmates, who by asking questions, ensured that I touched all the required points. The things you all wrote...

    I lived. I forgot most of it, I started crying, but I did it. I found out I have good classmates, who by asking questions, ensured that I touched all the required points.

    The things you all wrote somehow moved my feet out the door this morning. It made me feel like I could do it, and that I might suck at it, but that I would be okay anyway. I did do it, and I did suck, and I am okay. Thank you very much for responding to me. I needed to be responded to.

    For those worrying about my mental health. Thank you. I am often working on myself by going to therapy. Currently I am not because sometimes, I just have to be okay with who I am. I hope I never stop growing as a person, but sometimes ignoring the list of personal improvements I should make is an improvement. And in this instance, I saw I was spiraling, reached out, and got support. I think that means I did okay. In general though, if I had read the words I wrote, I would think the person who wrote them could benefit from counseling!

    13 votes
  15. I don't know how to move

    I'm doing really well in all my classes. On assignments that were given at the beginning of the quarter with due dates as part of finals, I have diligently worked on them every week. I even let go...

    I'm doing really well in all my classes. On assignments that were given at the beginning of the quarter with due dates as part of finals, I have diligently worked on them every week. I even let go of being a perfectionist by time constraining tasks and being okay with whatever I had produced. And yet I am now stuck. Immobile.

    I didn't go to school today. I think it's because I have a presentation tomorrow. I've had the presentation completed more or less for a couple of weeks. I've timed it, and can say all the words, and get all the things out to an empty living room. But as soon as someone else is in the room, I stumble and forget everything, even with my flashcards in front of me. I can't even read the text as in my eyes can not focus.

    So today I was just going to practice more. But I didn't. I skipped classes, got shitfaced, passed out at some point, and woke up with no interest in anything.

    I'm pretty sure I will go to school tomorrow, but there's a part of me that thinks it's just to much to ask of me to be in front of people and I don't want to look dumb, I don't want to ummm and forget and be boring. And then I missed classes and I will be a liar about why, and I hate liars. And I don't want to go, and I didn't practice today when I should have and I got drunk instead, and I don't have much patience for drunks. I AM NOT LIKING MYSELF AT THE MOMENT, and what happens if I don't go tomorrow? I could fade away from everywhere and no one would ever know, but me. And that bites because I would never let me live it down.

    If you have any words of wisdom, I would love to hear from you, even if I don't respond because I'll be embarrassed that I hit send on this.

    Edit: Wisdom isn't necessarily what I am looking for (though if you have it, I want it). I also want to know if you ever felt similar and what did you do.

    26 votes
  16. Comment on How Compassion Helped One Woman Leave an Extremist Group in ~life

    monarda
    Link
    I keep believing that kindness directed to a person who is exhibiting anger and or hate can have transformative effects on both the giver and receiver. Maybe that's why I seek out stories that...

    I keep believing that kindness directed to a person who is exhibiting anger and or hate can have transformative effects on both the giver and receiver. Maybe that's why I seek out stories that confirm this. This is certainly one of those.

    Megan Phelps-Roper grew up in the westboro baptist church. This interview talks about growing up in that environment and why they used the tactics they used. It also talks about how the compassion of just a a few people were able to widen the gap of her internal inconsistency and allow her to become a different person.

    5 votes
  17. Comment on The Ward; and a goodbye to Tildes. in ~creative

    monarda
    Link
    <waves at Bishop> It is rare to see someone so open, and I hungrily look for such. You words always touched me, and often resonated. Thank you so much for sharing a part of you. I hope you never...
    <waves at Bishop> It is rare to see someone so open, and I hungrily look for such. You words always touched me, and often resonated. Thank you so much for sharing a part of you.

    I hope you never stop revealing who are. (the you you which is separate from your name)

    7 votes
  18. Comment on What are you grateful for? in ~talk

    monarda
    (edited )
    Link
    I really needed to be asked this question. I'm grateful that my sons speak to me. I wasn't a good mother when they were younger, but I grew up, and they did too, and they seek me out in their...

    I really needed to be asked this question.

    I'm grateful that my sons speak to me. I wasn't a good mother when they were younger, but I grew up, and they did too, and they seek me out in their adult lives as much as I seek them out. And there is nothing better in the world.

    I'm grateful that I am in a position that I can go to school. I know people that went through similar things as I did, and many of them today just want bus money. I am so grateful that is not me anymore.

    I am grateful that I can share what I am grateful for and it will be seen, and I am not in a void.

    I am grateful that I got to experience a slice of Bishop. It is rare to see someone so open, and it was a gift to see them speak.

    I'm grateful that I decided to live.

    8 votes