monarda's recent activity
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Comment on America's dumbest crop: grass in ~enviro
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Comment on America's dumbest crop: grass in ~enviro
monarda Link Parentcrop = a cultivated plant.Just because lawn grass is grown, doesn't make it a crop.
crop = a cultivated plant.
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Comment on How to stop seeking validation? in ~life
monarda LinkI’ve recently spent a lot of time unpacking my need for validation. The more I unpacked, i saw that I could split validation into some components, recognition/acknowledgement, approval/praise, and...I’ve recently spent a lot of time unpacking my need for validation. The more I unpacked, i saw that I could split validation into some components, recognition/acknowledgement, approval/praise, and appreciation. So when I find myself seeking validation, I ask myself what exactly I’m looking for. Looking for any of those things is not a bad thing, I think it’s a human thing. For me it becomes problematic when it interferes with my self worth, which has been most of my life :)
So what do I try to do?
Recognition and praise are especially problematic for me. I read something that resonated with me, “Recognition felt like a double-edged sword -when I got it, I feared people would resent me. When I didn't, I believed I didn't deserve it.” I began to realize that when people would recognize me or praise me, I would verbally diminish my efforts, and hold back in the future. I didn’t want to shine too brightly and have people resent me. The other thing that I noticed is that, I’m more readily to see when I am not recognized or praised than when I am. It’s all just a clusterfuck of self made angst! So I started accepting recognition and praise when I received it. I’ll say something like, “thank you for noticing, I spent a lot of effort on that!” “thank you, you just made my day!” It’s been really uncomfortable, but I have been noticing that not only do people acknowledge and praise me, but many people are delighted to be acknowledge for their acknowledgement!
Approval is a different beast for me. I WANT IT FROM EVERYONE. I can get paralyzed from the lack of it. I have a deep FEAR that I’m not going to make the right decision. It’s like I need someone to say, “that’s a good idea” or “you’re on the right track” or something to move forward with a lot of things. Another component of that is needing someone to see the worth in something I’m doing or what’s the point. I’ve needed to shift some ways I think about things. The first is, “there’s no right or wrong decision, just decisions with different outcomes.” I ask myself a lot, “what am I afraid of.” Am I afraid of what people might think about me? (who will think it, why does their opinion matter, do they even care, are they even thinking about me at all, why have I given them this power) Am I afraid that I’ll fail and effort will be worth nothing? (don’t I learn something even when I don’t get the outcome I desired, haven’t I at times ended up in a better position - had a better opportunity, greater knowledge, FOLLOWED THROUGH /pats self on back, even with suboptimal results?
This is incomplete, but I don’t know if I’ll have time to finish, so I’m just going to hit post. I’ll end on this: my personal journey through validation neediness, has so far led me to find areas where I can find satisfaction in validating myself. It’s an ongoing thing that I don’t need to be perfect at if there even is such a thing. If I have more time, I’ll post more later.
As an aside, I’m afraid to hit post. Will anyone read it, will anyone want to pull it apart, will it matter? I got something out of writing it maybe someone reading will get something out it.
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Comment on How do you practice self love? in ~health.mental
monarda Link ParentI found that in order for Trazodone to work for me, I had to create space for it to work. It starts hitting my system approximately 30 minutes after I take it, so I need to be prepared - in bed,...I found that in order for Trazodone to work for me, I had to create space for it to work. It starts hitting my system approximately 30 minutes after I take it, so I need to be prepared - in bed, under covers, comfortable, with eyes closed, willing to let myself slip into sleep. If I don’t do that, it hits, and I just stay awake through it. Even though it takes some effort on my part for it to work, I prefer it over heavier sleeping aids because when I wake up I have no residual sleepiness. For myself, I find it’s the same regardless of the dosage. I can stay awake through any dosage if I’m not already in bed.
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Comment on Acts of kindness you've experienced recently? in ~life
monarda LinkI spent almost an entire day with Apple support to fix a problem with my aging ipad. It was tedious and unproductive. They made an appointment for me with a store that’s about an hour away for the...I spent almost an entire day with Apple support to fix a problem with my aging ipad. It was tedious and unproductive. They made an appointment for me with a store that’s about an hour away for the next day. I get there and it too is unproductive. The person just wanted to do all the stuff I had done with apple support already. I was feeling pretty grumpy by the time I was walking back to my car. I’m sitting there in my car thinking about the waste of time and gas, about how I can’t afford a replacement, and what a jerk the guy had been in the store when I look up and notice a large plastic crab on the hood of my car looking back at me. I get out of my car, look around, don’t see anyone, and pick up this happy looking crab, and feel freaking happy too. This crab is awesome! It was obviously 3d printed, has articulated legs and claws, and has a wonderfully serene looking face. It sits in my car and every time I look at it, I get a bit of that feeling.
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Comment on What hat would go well with this jacket? in ~life.style
monarda Link ParentWow, that's a wonderful looking hat, thank you for linking to it!Wow, that's a wonderful looking hat, thank you for linking to it!
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Comment on Woman denied medication for being of childbearing age in ~life.women
monarda Link ParentYou have way more patience than I do. Thank you.You have way more patience than I do. Thank you.
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Comment on New users: Ask your questions about Tildes here! (v3) in ~tildes
monarda Link ParentI just want to let you know that I appreciate your presence here. You have gone all in on helping maintain and make better the tildes culture that has kept me around these parts. Thank you.I just want to let you know that I appreciate your presence here. You have gone all in on helping maintain and make better the tildes culture that has kept me around these parts. Thank you.
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Comment on Harvest time: Share your favorite garden bounty recipes! in ~food
monarda Link ParentNo recipe. I use a half gallon mason jar, stuff it full of leaves that I pick in the morning, fill to the top with water, add a lid, and let sit in the sun until the following afternoon,...No recipe. I use a half gallon mason jar, stuff it full of leaves that I pick in the morning, fill to the top with water, add a lid, and let sit in the sun until the following afternoon, occasionally shaking the jar. On super hot and sunny days, I might strain the first evening if too many of the leaves start turning brown, because that changes the flavor, but most of the time that's not a problem here in the pacific northwest. When I strain the water, I've found squeezing the leaves out adds more flavor. Then I put the tea in the fridge to get cold. I don't add sweetener or anything else. What I find interesting about this tea compared to other teas I make is that it's not particularly aromatic, and the taste doesn't hit when it goes in the mouth. It's during and after the swallowing where I sort of smell/taste the crushed leaf fragrance. I find it surprisingly delightful every sip :)
Something I'm going to try next year is making pesto with it, which I learned recently is something people do. I had no idea!
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Comment on Sexual victimization by women is more common than previously known (2017) in ~life
monarda Link ParentYou have a good day also, lou. Thank you for helping me bring this back around to being kind to each other :)You have a good day also, lou. Thank you for helping me bring this back around to being kind to each other :)
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Comment on Harvest time: Share your favorite garden bounty recipes! in ~food
monarda Link ParentNot who you asked, but I had this same dilemma with lemon balm. This summer I used it to make sun tea, and I freaking loved it. In the past I had tried making a hot tea with it, but the flavor was...Not who you asked, but I had this same dilemma with lemon balm. This summer I used it to make sun tea, and I freaking loved it. In the past I had tried making a hot tea with it, but the flavor was sort of spinachy to me, not something I'm really looking for in a tea. But the sun tea made awesome iced tea. It was better before it flowered.
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Comment on Sexual victimization by women is more common than previously known (2017) in ~life
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Comment on Sexual victimization by women is more common than previously known (2017) in ~life
monarda (edited )Link ParentEdit #2 I actually don't know why this has me all in a snit. I saw it last night and didn't think it belonged in women, and woke up this morning still thinking about it. My behavior isn't making...I think it's disingenuous that you deleted your earlier comment where you stated that that if it had been a topic about men being sexually violent against women (Edit in ~life.men) that no one there would have an issue with it, then calling me defensive because I responded to that assertion, saying you were done commenting. I thought fair enough, and didn't engage anymore.Cool, you made a case about why it should be a women's issue and be in ~lifewomen. I don't agree. What do you want from me?Edit #2 I actually don't know why this has me all in a snit. I saw it last night and didn't think it belonged in women, and woke up this morning still thinking about it. My behavior isn't making the situation better. There are some actual good points of discussion for both women and men in this article, it could have been placed in either group.
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Comment on Harvest time: Share your favorite garden bounty recipes! in ~food
monarda LinkThe only thing that really produced for me this year is basil, and I'm going all in with pesto. My ratios are different every time because I just add stuff to taste. basil olive oil walnuts...The only thing that really produced for me this year is basil, and I'm going all in with pesto. My ratios are different every time because I just add stuff to taste.
basil
olive oil
walnuts
parmesan cheese
garlic
balsamic vinegarI have so much basil this year that I looked up if I could freeze pesto. I'm going to go with the method of mixing the olive oil and the basil, and then adding a layer of olive oil on the top and freezing. Then I can add the other ingredients later.
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Comment on Sexual victimization by women is more common than previously known (2017) in ~life
monarda Link ParentI agree with you, this belonged in ~life where you put it. I have no idea if all men would have no problem with articles about men perpetrators of sexual violence being dropped in ~life.men since...I agree with you, this belonged in ~life where you put it. I have no idea if all men would have no problem with articles about men perpetrators of sexual violence being dropped in ~life.men since I am not man. But I doubt that men are a monolith. I'm the only woman who said anything about this article being put into women. Most likely there were women who were just fine with it being there. We aren't a monolith either.
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Comment on Sexual victimization by women is more common than previously known (2017) in ~life
monarda LinkI'm having a hard time understanding why this article was dropped in ~life.women. Is it because the author tells us that this is a feminist issue because unless we accept and discuss that we are...I'm having a hard time understanding why this article was dropped in ~life.women. Is it because the author tells us that this is a feminist issue because unless we accept and discuss that we are also rapists, we continue to perpetrate the idea that we are one-dimensional harmless victims?
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Comment on The mystery of the Bloomfield bridge in ~design
monarda Link ParentAnd the inline notes are great! I had to pause a moment after reading this one though.And the inline notes are great!
I had to pause a moment after reading this one though.
Believe it or not, I was specifically trained by the military as a geo-spatial analyst to identify bridges in black and white aerial photographs taken in the 1960s. The training was on Russian bridges with decidedly more strategic utility than these pedestrian bridges, but the same principles apply: size, shape, shade, shadow, surroundings!
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~transport
monarda Link ParentI love the old ferries! There's something about being on them that always makes me feel good.I love the old ferries! There's something about being on them that always makes me feel good.
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~transport
monarda LinkInter-island ferry service is down in the San Juan islands because: ferry runs aground in San Juan Islands, out of service for repairs. I don't live there, but I do rely on WSF and service has...Inter-island ferry service is down in the San Juan islands because: ferry runs aground in San Juan Islands, out of service for repairs. I don't live there, but I do rely on WSF and service has been been getting steadily worse. With that said, I don't know how I feel about a shipyard from the gulf states building our ferries. I wish we could get international bids.
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rootless - ordinary sunday sadness (2023)
5 votes
Both sod and grass seed are agricultural products that are harvested and sold. Yes, the lawn I look at today is no longer part of the production cycle, but it was originally cultivated as a crop as are most of my other landscape plants.