monarda's recent activity
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Comment on What did you do this week (and weekend)? in ~talk
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Comment on Timasomo 2026: Week 2 Updates in ~creative.timasomo
monarda LinkI’ll finally be home late tomorrow night. I don’t think I’ll have time to do the wood project I had wanted to do for this, so I’m changing my project. I’m going to make a picture frame for a...I’ll finally be home late tomorrow night. I don’t think I’ll have time to do the wood project I had wanted to do for this, so I’m changing my project. I’m going to make a picture frame for a touristy painting I bought on my vacation. I’ve helped make a frame before but never made one myself, and I think it might be something I can get done before this is over.
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Comment on What was a small but bright moment of your day? in ~life
monarda Link ParentAnytime I see cormorants getting love, it makes my day. Thank you for this! What a wonderful experience :)Anytime I see cormorants getting love, it makes my day. Thank you for this! What a wonderful experience :)
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
monarda Link ParentI don’t have any advice, but wanted to stop by and commiserate with you for a short bit. It’s awful going through physical things and not knowing if there’s something wrong or not and having to go...I don’t have any advice, but wanted to stop by and commiserate with you for a short bit.
It’s awful going through physical things and not knowing if there’s something wrong or not and having to go back and forth to the ER and doctors especially when we can’t afford to do so. I sometimes think, regarding myself, that not knowing if I should go see someone or if I’m just experiencing anxiety gives me more anxiety which makes me feel worse!
I hope you find answers.
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Comment on Timasomo 2026: Roll Call in ~creative.timasomo
monarda Link ParentI hear you! It took me about 40 years to find this. I thought it would never happen!I hear you! It took me about 40 years to find this. I thought it would never happen!
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Comment on Digital Detox (formerly Screenless Day) discussion: October 2026 in ~life
monarda LinkIve participated in two “screenless” days here on tildes. The second time, last month, went a lot better than the first one a few years prior. The three biggest reasons I think last month was...Ive participated in two “screenless” days here on tildes. The second time, last month, went a lot better than the first one a few years prior. The three biggest reasons I think last month was easier was because I knew what to expect, I took steps to set myself up for success, and I’m a different person than I was then.
I think in general though, I engage differently in the digital world. For many years I participated in infinite scrolling and games. At some point I realized I could no longer read books. I no longer had attention span for anything long form. This really bothered me because I remembered my love for books, but couldn’t read more than a chapter two if I tried to read one.
The other thing that changed is that my views towards other humans began changing dramatically. I had less tolerance and less love and more anger and more hopelessness. I guess I was old enough to remember that this wasn’t who I had always thought I was. The first real clue that the way I used the internet might be the culprit was around 2018 when I was commuting through homeless encampments and felt disgust towards the people I passed. I had no compassion. At the time my local subreddit talked about them all the time, and I had this feeling one day that the tone in the subreddit didn’t match what I thought about our city and that my views had changed to match this new tone. I started looking into the names that posted most often and realized that many of them didn’t even live in my city. And then I felt so much shame that I had succumbed to whatever their purpose of engagement was. I didn’t even see it happening to me!
These two things began changing how I interact with the digital world. I no longer participate in infinite scrolling, I rarely play games that are not of the “daily” variety, and I only engage in news a few times a month. That doesn’t mean I don’t find other ways to distract myself with a screen! But I think giving up the big ones (big for me anyway), has given me more opportunity to take advantage of things that are not of the digital variety. I don’t always take advantage of this, but I’d like to do so more than I do.
Last month this event went better than I could imagine. I was able to see that I can be without digital distraction. I look forward to getting more practice this month.
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Comment on Timasomo 2026: Roll Call in ~creative.timasomo
monarda LinkI work for a retired furniture and cabinet maker who keeps telling me I can use the shop for any personal projects. Earlier this year I bought an antique tiger oak desk. My husband had the great...I work for a retired furniture and cabinet maker who keeps telling me I can use the shop for any personal projects. Earlier this year I bought an antique tiger oak desk. My husband had the great idea that the television could go on it and I could use it as one of my monitors. I should not have listened, the tv is a monster. I’d like to make something in the same style as the desk, that sits on top of it, that the tv can be up and out of the way and the monitors under it. I don’t know what the name of that something is, just what I want it to look like. I don’t have much furniture making experience, but my boss is willing to show me how. I’m super excited for this project!
Most likely my project is going to be late because I’m currently in a different country until mid October, but I will show my work, however far I am, when show ands tell comes up.
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
monarda Link ParentI’ve liked your comments in this thread. I did not find them cold, I found them mostly clinical while also alluding to how how you thought about such things. That is a skill I appreciate when...I’ve liked your comments in this thread. I did not find them cold, I found them mostly clinical while also alluding to how how you thought about such things. That is a skill I appreciate when talking about things that can quickly go into the horrific. Thank you for posting.
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentI had that too, though it seemed to get easier as the day wore on. I also felt good about having gone through the day, like it did something for my self esteem having accomplished it.I think the biggest challenge was the force of habit. I found myself picking up my phone, staring at it for a moment, then remembering that there's nowhere on it for me to go for the day. I have an almost pathological need to distract myself from many things, and the phone has been an easy salve.
I had that too, though it seemed to get easier as the day wore on. I also felt good about having gone through the day, like it did something for my self esteem having accomplished it.
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentI enjoyed the blog post and how thoughtful you were in describing the experience. At the end you synthesized what I sensed during my day but have not been able to coalesce: Perfectly said. Thank...I enjoyed the blog post and how thoughtful you were in describing the experience. At the end you synthesized what I sensed during my day but have not been able to coalesce:
And now that I've pondered it for a couple of weeks, sat with it, and finally written it out, I realise that actually it is really simple: intentionality. Using screens, like any other technology, is not inherently bad. What matters is the intention behind it. The moment we no longer feel in control, when our higher intention is supplanted by baser chemical feedback loops that these devices and their software exploit, that's when it feels bad. Not a moral bad; a physical and mental sense of wrongness, restlessness, and shame. I am not a bad person for having and using a phone, laptop, tablet, video game console or TV. I have been made to feel bad for using these things mindlessly, and without intention. And that is what I want to change for myself.
Perfectly said. Thank you :)
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Comment on Announcing the eighth annual Tildes' Make Something Month (Timasomo)! in ~tildes
monarda Link ParentI’m in. Mine will come in late due to heavy time commitments through mid October, and I’m fairly certain I’ll need a full month to complete. Hopefully this time I’m able to actually complete...I’m in.
Mine will come in late due to heavy time commitments through mid October, and I’m fairly certain I’ll need a full month to complete. Hopefully this time I’m able to actually complete something!
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentMost of the time I’m a joiner rather than a leader. I need a bus to get on :)Most of the time I’m a joiner rather than a leader. I need a bus to get on :)
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentWhen you first said you accidentally picked a holiday, I thought for sure the next thing you were going to say was that you decided to skip it altogether. Glad to see I was wrong, and that it went...When you first said you accidentally picked a holiday, I thought for sure the next thing you were going to say was that you decided to skip it altogether. Glad to see I was wrong, and that it went well for you. Was there anything you found particularly challenging?
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Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk
monarda Link ParentOh my goodness you almost nailed how I feel about raisins, and I didn’t even know I had a stance on raisins until I read your words. The only place I like them is in Raisin Bran. And I really...Oh my goodness you almost nailed how I feel about raisins, and I didn’t even know I had a stance on raisins until I read your words. The only place I like them is in Raisin Bran. And I really enjoy them there but nowhere else. Prior to reading about how you think about raisins, I would have just said, “they’re okay,” because I didn’t know how to articulate my raisin preferences. Thank you :)
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentBarring the minigraine, it sounds like this worked out for you. Reading is also something I enjoy doing, but it’s not something I do as often as I’d like when I have devices at hand. I too have...Barring the minigraine, it sounds like this worked out for you. Reading is also something I enjoy doing, but it’s not something I do as often as I’d like when I have devices at hand.
I too have the toxic must do something trait, or maybe for me it’s more “I should be doing” something other than what I am currently doing. Ugh. It drives me nuts. I’ve been getting better at it though. Interestingly enough, I did not experience that third weekend.
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda (edited )Link ParentWow, so this time went a lot better than the last time. In a way I set myself up for success by having some things I had to do that ate up some larger chunks of time. One of the things I found...- Exemplary
Wow, so this time went a lot better than the last time. In a way I set myself up for success by having some things I had to do that ate up some larger chunks of time.
One of the things I found interesting is that some of the physical feelings I had when I wanted to grab my phone and scroll or play, felt similar to the first couple of months when I stopped drinking - restlessness, anxiousness, pacing. I ended up putting my phone into my car for a couple of hours.
I had a wonderful day. One of things I did was write out some stuff about my mother. I’ll be meeting up with her in Italy for a five week vacation, and I’ve been filled with a lot of anxiety regarding spending that much time with her. We have some pain points. So I thought about and wrote about how I aggravate the situation instead of helping it, and how I might behave differently - what I might be able to do differently that aligns more with the sort of person I want to be. There were quite a few times where I wanted to stop quit or take a break work my phone, but I pushed through and feel amazing.
Quite by accident I found myself cleaning the bathroom. It just seemed like the thing to do, and it didn’t really feel like a chore. Afterwards I took a shower, and for the first time in a long time looked at my body in the mirror. I’ll be 60 sooner than later, and I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that. My boobs don’t sit where they used to, I’m soft in the middle, my butt also seems to have succumbed to gravity. There are wrinkles on my face, spots beginning to show up on my neck and arms. I just looked at it all, and for the first time felt no judgement. It’s just me.
I met up with a friend for coffee for about an hour then gave someone a ride, and suddenly it was 7pm and I hadn’t been on my phone since
9:459:55. I was so ready to be on it! I sat down to write this post, but my husband started talking to me, and I actually put my phone down and engaged fully. We had a great conversation that lasted until bedtime. Then I played about 45 minutes of games :)I thought that was that, but found it even easier today. I just picked up my phone for the first time, and it’s 5pm. I ran errands, hung out with my husband, meet up with a friend, and has a nice day.
I remember being young, and just doing whatever. I’d ride my bike, poke at ant hills, climb trees, go to the beach, make up games, just being. A couple of years ago someone told me that they thought the point of their existence was to experience themselves. That’s really stuck with me. I spent a good portion of my life running away from myself, and I want to stop doing that. I’m really glad you ran this again, kfwyre. I needed an “excuse” to put down my biggest distraction. Thank you.
Funny note: yesterday morning after I dropped someone at the airport, I was on my way home and saw it was 9:45 and wouldn’t be able to be on my phone anymore. I pulled off the highway and sat in a parking lot for 10 minutes looking at tildes and playing a couple quick daily games hah!
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda Link ParentThis really hit home. I’ve also been finding that for movies or shows, I’ve been fast forwarding through slower bits, and for books I’m skimming a lot more than I ever have. Watching something...The worst part of this is that I think it makes my appreciation of things even shallower. I'll start to watch a movie or read a book, and I'll get legitimately into it. Like, I'll want to keep going with it because it has genuinely hooked me. But for some reason, that also starts an itch to jump to a different book or a different movie. It's like, once I'm in the middle of it I get too familiar with it, and my brain needs the "new" and starts telling me I should jump ship (even though I know it'll be more satisfying to see whatever I'm currently in the middle of all the way through).
This really hit home. I’ve also been finding that for movies or shows, I’ve been fast forwarding through slower bits, and for books I’m skimming a lot more than I ever have. Watching something with someone else is painful. Do you do anything similar?
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Comment on Screenless Day discussion topic: September 2026 in ~life
monarda LinkThank you for this! My day will be tomorrow, Saturday. I’m picking this day because I have a few things going on that helps make it easier :) I’m in a much different place than the last time I...Thank you for this!
My day will be tomorrow, Saturday. I’m picking this day because I have a few things going on that helps make it easier :)I’m in a much different place than the last time I participated. Something I couldn’t quite articulate then that I think I have a grasp on now, is that for a long time I’ve been incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. Being in front of a screen distracts me from myself. It distracts me from an inner dialogue that in the past wasn’t very kind towards me. And it also lets me do the opposite, think about how shitty other people are. But that’s not what I’m wanting right now. I want to experience being more comfortable with myself.
Like I don’t really have hobbies, but I love walking. I live in a beautiful place, but I don’t like to go by myself because I don’t want to be with myself. So tomorrow, I drive someone to the airport, and have an hour and half drive back by myself starting at 10. My plan is to have no screen (phone, computer, tv) until 4 except for calls and texts. When I get home I’m going for a walk that will include our little downtown area, where I’ll get ice cream. At home I have some chores I’ve been putting off that I will at least look at and at least do one thing. I might even get out a pencil and sketch pad!
I guess that’s the plan, 10-4 spend time with myself. I’ll let you know how it goes :)
Edit: to answer the question, I think my phone has the most negative impact because it’s always with me, and I can always find a distraction. I don’t even think about it anymore! The tv is usually a conscious decision.
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Comment on Are others finding themselves spending less and less time online? in ~tech
monarda Link ParentWow, it was April 2021 when I participated. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago. I just read my response and though I remembered that it wasn’t comfortable (it was uncomfortable enough that...Wow, it was April 2021 when I participated. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago. I just read my response and though I remembered that it wasn’t comfortable (it was uncomfortable enough that I never participated again lol), I had forgotten how uncomfortable it was. What I totally forgot was how much I learned and that I wanted to cultivate how to just be. I’m looking forward to seeing how I do this time. Thank you :)
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (August 2026) in ~health.mental
monarda Link ParentHi fnulare. You’re a more active user than I am, but often when I’m lurking and there’s a post I like, I’ll see your name attached to it. You help make this little part of the internet a place I...Hi fnulare. You’re a more active user than I am, but often when I’m lurking and there’s a post I like, I’ll see your name attached to it. You help make this little part of the internet a place I come to. Thank you for that.
In these threads specifically, I hear your honesty and the way you’re trying to figure things out or come to terms with things. So often I relate. To hear another human give voice to the struggles, the triumphs, and the failures makes me feel a bit more connected to the larger world. I liked hearing about your experiment, how it turned out, and what you think of it, like now you have more information about what doesn’t work for you.
As far as I know I’m not on the spectrum, but I too have grief related to my life, specifically how I was or wasn’t parented and how that affected the rest of my life. Or rather I grieve over a life I never had but long for, or something like that. I actually had a cry over it this morning. A lot of the time I can live in a state of acceptance - it was what it was and I can’t change it, but sometimes it just makes me sad. For me, I think it’s okay to be sad about it, as long as I don’t live in that space too long.
Anyway, just mostly wanted to say hello.
I’ve been out of town for five weeks. I spent almost a month of that in Italy, and the rest of it in the small town I was born in. I got home late Thursday night, and I feel conflicted. I enjoyed the trip, I enjoyed being with my mom, and honestly could see myself living in Italy the rest of my life. But I missed my spouse and friends a great deal and am happy to be home. But OMG our house is a disaster. I’m overwhelmed with how much needs to be done just to be comfortable. I want to be mad at my spouse, but they made me pineapple upside down cake, my favorite.