17 votes

Let's talk player classes

No, not the PC classes in your game - the classes that describe the people you play the game with.

Mister Fantastic: Every single number on this player's character sheet has been optimized beyond comprehension to be at least 20% higher than you thought was possible, and it's all legal. Reading one of his sheets will teach you about traits, feats, and rules you never knew existed. Often mumbles cryptic, one-word answers while barely paying attention that end ongoing rules discussions leaving the other players with blank faces. His characters are nearly invincible except for one small key weakness (AC 26 at level 1, but with a CMD of 5). This player can typically one-shot the BBEG and reverse the party's fortunes in a single round. If he's charmed or dominated it will result in a TPK unless dealt with instantly.

The Veteran: A quiet fellow wearing a T-Shirt that says, "Don't tell me about your character: just play." He's never flashy, and seems to do very little, content to let everyone else play and have fun. Always prepared for any situation when no one else is. More likely to aid other players than act directly. He'll only involve himself when everyone else is making a mess out of things, and when he does wake up, his ability to deal with any given situation leaves Mister Fantastic green with envy. Has been known to kill BBEGs via roleplaying. Has the ability to summon natural 20s on demand but rarely uses it. The GM often consults with him on rules issues.

Negative Diplomacy: No matter the class or the character's abilities, whenever this player opens their mouth to talk to someone who isn't in the party, you know the group is going to be in combat to the death in less than three rounds. The GM is uniquely powerless to prevent this from happening. His superpower is always knowing the worst possible in-character thing to say.

Milla Vanilla: Every character this person plays is the exact same thing - even when playing different classes. For whatever reason, this player cannot mentally step into the shoes of their character, and ends up on endless repeat. Often not noticeable until one has played multiple games with this person and notices that their ninja assassin is remarkably similar in temperament to their paladin.

The Conspiracy Theorist: This player is convinced that every single thing that happens is part of some grand tapestry and he is on a mission to figure it out. Often obsesses over small details, makes bizarre (sometimes nonsensical) connections between events, places, and facts. Your worst fear is that he's giving the GM ideas. It's confirmed when some of his wilder predictions come to pass later in the game.

Aaron Justicebringer: The kind of perma-lawful good holy crusader who walks into a tavern and announces, "Greetings! I am Aaron Justicebringer. You may flee if you wish." He's on a mission to smite evil. Since he's always got detect evil running, he finds quite a lot of it and smites often, without concern for trivialities like local customs, ettiquette, roleplaying, and plot. This player always plays crusader types.

Kaboom: Kaboom likes loves lives to set things on fire. Often a wizard or sorcerer, and the kind of fellow who can reduce six enemies to ash in a single round (even if those were six fire elementals). Flaming spells, flaming daggers, flaming hair, and one can track him across Golarion just by following the smoke. Unfortunately, that's all he's good for. Kaboom is a blunt instrument, best kept wrapped in asbestos until the party finds a target he can be aimed at in a location that hasn't got too much potential for collateral damage. This player comes in non-fire flavors too.

Sleepy Pete: Sleepy Pete has a wife, six kids, and a stressful day job. By the time he makes it to the session, he's been clinically dead for two hours already. He'll be asleep within an hour of starting, even faster if food or alcohol is involved. Sleepy Pete is also prone to missing sessions with little forewarning. You're not even sure what his character or personality is because you've been given almost no opportunity to observe him in a conscious state.

Brandon The Builder: A player who in all other ways is relatively normal, Brandon must never be given downtime in any way, shape, or form. With a full set of item crafting feats and flawless mastery of the downtime rules, Brandon will not only rule the entire kingdom in less than six months, he'll find a way to provide every single party member with a Headband of Mental Superiority, Belt of Physical Perfection, two +5 Tomes or Manuals of their choice, and a well staffed keep while doing it.

Broken Billy: This player has no comprehension of the mathematical progression of the games he plays. Instead, he jumps at the first thing he finds that sounds cool. This leaves him with a hodgepodge of abilities that quickly become useless as the game progresses, leaving poor Billy more and more frustrated as the game goes on. Broken Billy steadfastly ignores all advice and all warnings given to him by the GM and more experienced players. Prone to having five first level classes on his fifth level character.

The Novice Namer: Never good at coming up with names, this player has given birth to many legendary heroes: Bob the Barbarian, Robert the Ranger, and who could forget Sheldon the Sorcerer.

The Knife Hoarder: For whatever reason, this player insists on having at least 2 knives on his belt and 4 hidden on his person. He'll never actually use these knives, but as they'd say "just in case."

The 1-Leaf-Clover: This person's dice are trying to kill him. Oh he might roll a natural 20 to get a cheap room at the inn or tell if an item is masterwork (its not), but the second he's in combat, the most you can expect is a 12 or 13.

The iGenie: Only looks away from his laptop when his name is said three times.

The Bookworm: If not taking an action, is found face first in a book looking for a rare never before seen rule that will get him out of the in-game situation. There has got to be rule specifically for negotiating with a different race to reduce the price of a toll. There just has to be!

Secretly Evil: This player almost always plays a Wizard/Sorcerer and takes a Necromantic path. They'll write a sizable and traumatic back-story. Then in game they'll never do or say anything evil in front of the group(in or out of character). In fact, they'll do very little in general. Instead they wait until everyone is gone and tell the DM what evil things they actually did while "no one was looking".

You should try FATAL: Makes all their characters and every encounter somehow revolve around sex.

Spellsaver: Spellcaster that never casts their spells because they think the next fight is going to be harder.

The Lore Keeper: This player may not be the most talkative person at the table, but that's possibly because they're too busy writing down every even happening in the game. Conversations, shared loot, timelines, and character sketches -- this player is devoted to the story, and keeps track of all of it.

What are we missing?

(Some inspiration from this old reddit thread.)

6 comments

  1. [3]
    RamsesThePigeon
    Link
    No list of player types is complete without a mention of That Player. This is a particular type of player that every Dungeon Master encounters at some point. He's a loud, talkative individual, and...

    No list of player types is complete without a mention of That Player.

    This is a particular type of player that every Dungeon Master encounters at some point. He's a loud, talkative individual, and his constant attempts at "jokes" are made all the more annoying by his subtle (but still evident) social awkwardness. This fellow will always play as either a rogue or a sorcerer – usually with a focus on employing his charisma – and whenever possible, he'll do his best to make the story center on him and his exploits.

    His sexual exploits, that is.

    For a brief period in college, I was the Dungeon Master for a group that included That Player. The campaign was one of my own devising, having to do with a world-ending cataclysm that some other band of adventurers (non-player characters) was intent on stopping. My group's party, on the other hand, had taken it upon themselves to raid the sprawling fortress where the aforementioned apocalypse had first been prophesied, convinced as they were that a monumentally powerful artifact had been hidden in the catacombs beneath it. I may be a bit biased, but I personally thought that it was a pretty good setting... although it might have been a bit better if That Player hadn't tried to seduce every female he encountered.

    See, the fortress in question was the size of a small city, and it had a number of factions dwelling within it. Some of those sects were only too happy to offer aid and assistance, while others viewed the player characters for what they were. (They were a group of greedy marauders, basically.) Every single time someone started interacting with a woman, though, the fellow in question would interject with his allegedly comedic attempts at charm.

    "That area is closed to outsiders," a female NPC might say, "but if you can get into the sewer system, you might..."

    "I'd like to get into her sewer system!" That Player would interrupt. "She digs me. I can tell."

    You get the idea.

    This went on for far, far longer than I should have allowed, but I'd been planning to punish the guy at the campaign's midpoint. When the party finally found their way to the artifact, they discovered that it wasn't an item or a weapon; it was a living statue of a young woman. Needless to say, That Player immediately tried to bed the sculpture... and this time, against all odds, she (or it, I suppose) was receptive to his advances. Of course, I made it look like the fellow had just beaten out my dice rolls, but he didn't really care: All that mattered to him was that he'd "gotten some."

    As he discovered a moment or two later, though, he'd also "gotten stuck."

    It was about then that reinforcements arrived, intent on protecting their "monumentally powerful artifact" from theft. They weren't too pleased to find a rogue attached to their idol, and they responded appropriately. The fellow didn't actually die, but he did spend the rest of the campaign with one fewer appendage. Since he'd also made it very clear to everyone that the body part in question was "the source of his skills," he wound up impotent... and in more ways than one.

    TL:DR: Sexy statue solicits severe (sexual) suffering.

    10 votes
    1. [2]
      Alekhine
      Link Parent
      Poetic justice. What was he like after that? Was he just a defeated sad-sack, deprived of his meagre fantasy?

      Poetic justice. What was he like after that? Was he just a defeated sad-sack, deprived of his meagre fantasy?

      3 votes
      1. RamsesThePigeon
        Link Parent
        He was actually pretty defiant at first, arguing that various potions and spells should have restored his manhood. When none of them worked, he came up with the idea that it wasn't actually gone;...

        He was actually pretty defiant at first, arguing that various potions and spells should have restored his manhood. When none of them worked, he came up with the idea that it wasn't actually gone; it was just a magical effect making it look like it was gone. He was quickly disillusioned of this notion, but that led to the formation of his own personal quest... namely, to find a means of having the missing limb restored.

        Now, I could have just forced him to live with that state of affairs, but as I mentioned, he had made it clear that all of his skills stemmed from that particular area. My eventual solution (if only to keep him from constantly suggesting that he should just roll a new character) was to have an unscrupulous healer repair him. There was only one caveat: He would take a permanent hit to his charisma, which could not be undone.

        He agreed to the procedure. The healer repaired him.

        He discovered a second caveat: Said healer had never promised an especially large replacement.

        3 votes
  2. Erik
    Link
    This is a great list, I have one to add Overthinking Owen: In every situation, there must be at least three possible solutions the team has not thought of yet and they will do everything in their...

    This is a great list, I have one to add

    Overthinking Owen: In every situation, there must be at least three possible solutions the team has not thought of yet and they will do everything in their power to slow down the game and make sure these situations are thought of and thoroughly weighed against all other options before continuing. Using whatever means necessary, from taking their turn insanely slowly to calling for a bathroom break, they will grind the flow of the game to a halt in order to make sure the group is always doing the right thing. Then, after all this is preparation is done, they will try to deliver the actual words from their character's mouth and still stumble over them like deck chairs on the Titanic.

    3 votes
  3. Catt
    Link
    Love your list! I am the novice namer - I think my best name is something like PurpleGrapes, otherwise, I pretty much use my own name like your examples. I also play the unforgiving healer, I'm...

    Love your list!

    I am the novice namer - I think my best name is something like PurpleGrapes, otherwise, I pretty much use my own name like your examples.

    I also play the unforgiving healer, I'm the jerk that won't heal you if you swear at me or blame your death on me. A little courtesy isn't that much to ask.

    What would you call someone that always plays mismatching classes/roles, like a mesmer-tank?

    2 votes
  4. Celeo
    Link
    Matthew Colville has an incredible D&D YT channel. In one of those videos, he talks about the "Different Kinds of Players": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQsJSqn71Fw

    Matthew Colville has an incredible D&D YT channel. In one of those videos, he talks about the "Different Kinds of Players": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQsJSqn71Fw