I hate my job as a system administrator
Nothing but a rant and personal outlet here, so if you don't want to read that sort of stuff move along.
To preface this, I haven't gone to uni, gotten an certs, or anything of that sort. I worked my way up the ladder and moved up positions slowly. My experience was/is my crutch. I DO NOT have any intention of going to, or getting any sort of schooling for anything computer related now. I am moving out of the IT industry.
I started with computers at a young age like many people in my profession do. I loved everything about them. Their versatility, the ins and outs of them, hardware, software... It all fascinated me. So I thought, hey why not work with computers because I love them? That's when I got a job at the good ol' yellow tag store selling them!
At first it was great, I got to talk to people on what they were doing with it, try to work within their budget while getting the best computer for their needs, and just got to see what all sorts of people do with their devices. But then the sales numbers started to become a thing. "Hey you aren't hitting your goals." "You need to push financing." "SELL DAMAGE WARRANTY." I fucking hated it. So I changed departments to Geek Squad once I realized that I wasn't a salesmen. I couldn't bring myself to get someone to spend something I didn't believe in. No problem. Started doing more tech support stuff and actually working with computers, instead of selling them and knowing hardware. Except that quickly turned into "SELL SELL SELL!!"
Started looking around for a new job after sales started to become a thing for that position, and ended up finding a job at a local PC store. I was elated. I was a computer technician. I shouldn't have to worry about sales anymore. I work with customers on preexisting devices and get them running well! Although... The passion for computers started to die. I wasn't as excited for new hardware coming out. I didn't want, or care for, the newest thing. AND ON TOP OF THAT I STILL HAD SALES EXPECTATIONS. WTF. I was a tech, not a sales person! How was I suppose to sell half of what the sales guys there do when I'm working on machines all day?? On top of that if I handed something off to a sales rep to call and talk to them, it was always a struggle with them to get them to share the sale with me. Fuck this I'm out.
That's when I got lucky. That's when I found my first actual IT job. I started on the phones at a place, and not even a week in they said they had a desktop support position available. I pushed for 4 weeks to get that job. I hounded the IT manager, director, and the admin there... And eventually, I got it! I was learning so much. So many systems to learn. WTF is AD??? IDK, but imma find out. No need to explain mr boss man, I got my secret weapon... GOOGLE. I learned quickly google was my friend in IT. TBH this job was mostly keep the little shit out of the boss mans hair so he could focus on getting the big shit done. I loved all the little shit. It was all so new and exciting to learn. I had to learn systems that NO ONE at the company knew because someone previously installed that system and no one knew how it worked. I wrote up documentation on it, how to pull info, what to put where for new employees, etc. etc. That was until the layoffs started happening. I started getting worried. Would I be next?? No, I was doing a great job! To top it off, my boss went from a backlog of 50+ items down to 12 in 6 months! They can't get rid of me! ...How young and naive I was. TBF I was the ONLY employee they gave any notice to. A full month. Everyone else came into work, and was let go in 5 min or less. So cool, they definitely appreciated me. Not only that, I was only like 19 at the time. To me it showed me they respected me, and that I was a good worker.
After that passion was a 0. How could a company I worked so hard for do this to me?? I gave up countless hours (to a 19YO that aint much I can tell you that), and I documented everything, I was a good employee... But alas it was the end. I had to find something quick... I'll call up my old manager at the PC store. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. After only being there a week I fell into a depressive hole that I don't think I've quite gotten out of to this day. I was only there a few weeks, but goddamn... I hated every second of it.
Next job was fucking amazing, and I took it for granted. I was lazy. I did what I was suppose to, but I wasn't proactive like before. I didn't care. I thought, "just give yourself some time. you just need to get out of this rut." But I never did. It sucked. Not the work, that was fucking easy. But life sucked. "But you just got married man? How can you be sad??" (outta left field i know, but my relationship status during any of this is a WHOLE different story) I CAN BE SAD BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE, I thought to myself. I wasn't happy. I should have gotten out then. It should have been the end of my IT career... But my ex-wife and I made a stupid financial decision and I needed the money that came with how hard I had already worked to get the pay I was. I had to stay in to be able to afford the bills. I loved everyone at that job. It was honestly the best. But... Cuts were made. 20ish% of all staffing was cut... Including my position. Not only that, my ex and I talked and we were separating. Wow, I can't even last a year in marriage. FUCK.
That's when shit took a turn for the worse. I dug myself deeper, and deeper, and deeper. Separated, and now talking of divorce... I need time. 3 months. I'll find a job after 3 months. During that time I dated for the sake of not being home. I took nightly drive up the canyon... fast. In retrospect, I think I was hoping to fly off the cliff every night I drove. I wasn't in a good state of mind. But I got good at driving up that canyon fast! It turned into a hobby (although now I am not into cars for various reasons).
But 3 months was up! Wow that was fast. But I feel good. Found a job. Service desk. Cool. Let's go. First day. FUCK. I don't want to be here. I went from desktop support making 40k a year, to service desk making 30k a year. I can barely pay shit rn. I need something better. I need more. I need more. I need MORE. Desktop support position opened there sweet. Apply. Nope the fucking retard got it who had been there for 3 years, even though I already know more than him, AND I get asked by the sysadms for help n the regular because I know the systems they use. But nah, he's been here longer. Fuck this, I'm finding something else.
So I did. Here I am at my current job. As a system administrator. Good money. Like 50k a year. Full paid benefits. I got here with 0 schooling, or certs, just my experience like I was told I would be able to. Sitting pretty... But... I still hate it... WHY? I LIKE COMPUTERS? I LIKED LEARNING THIS SHIT BEFORE?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY?
...Oh... Wait... Do I really like computers? No. Not really. Do I want to do this ever rapidly changing career forever? NO. Fuck this. But... I have bills. Okay. Budget time. So now I am still here. I have an end date. Once I get my debts paid I will be out of the IT industry. I am moving states. I will be able to afford to live on much less, and go to school for ANYTHING else. I'm thinking I just want to do something simple for a little like night custodial work, or a security guard. I don't want to have to worry much about the next big thing always around the corner. It's too much stress. It's just not a career for me. Maybe it's not for you. Maybe you should walk away from it to if your not happy.
What's the point of this post? Honestly mostly a rant. But I also want to let people around my age (24 now) know that walking away from a career IS AN OPTION. "But I need the money I make now because of debts!" Dude, did you not read this? I know. I've been working on paying shit off because of my ex and time I took off from work. I'm in the hole. I get it. Budget and get an end date. That helped me out immensely. Knowing there is an end... Just I'm already excited. Then get out of that career if you aren't happy. DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FOR YOUR CAREER. People in the US have this work work work mentality and I just hate it. I just want to live my life. I don't care about traveling or anything, I just want to be able to live.
So I've been through a few ;-) career changes, and at 50+, find myself in a similar situation to yours. Not for the first time.
Let me say, deal with your burnout - recovery is a long process. It doesn't sound like you really hated IT, but more that you're so far from finding satisfaction in doing it for a living that it may seem you'll never enjoy it again. It is possible to love a job so much that you burn yourself out, but more likely it's a toxic combination of your expectations for your own excellence and your employer's demands.
While you have the luxury of time again, build habits of health - physical, mental and social. Don't get obsessive, but don't let anything compromise your basic self-maintenance. It's way too easy to stare at screens all day.
Hobbies and volunteer work - whatever you can afford and gives you joy. These are the mental playgrounds where you can explore what feels right, find what you value, get rid of old self-damaging beliefs, connect to other people, or reveal talents and interests you didn't know you had. I've had hobbies turn into jobs in four different fields - IT, cooking, writing, and jewelry work. Conversely, the first time I burned out on IT work, I found that I hadn't lost the joy when doing it as a hobby and for volunteer work - my skills were fresh when I needed to go back to doing it as a job.
Make sure you've got funds for decent health insurance (I'm assuming you're in the U.S.). Nothing will drive you back to the grind faster than having a whopping huge medical bill dropped into your plans. Don't assume that because you're young and indestructible now, you can't have an unexpected illness or injury.
I wouldn't waste time on career counselors, but there are online career and values inventories, and a couple of books I've found valuable:
Personal Values Assessment
Job Crafting
Meaningful Work: A Quest to Do Great Business, Find Your Calling, and Feed Your Soul, by Shawn Askinosie
Don't underestimate the value of an old-fashioned liberal education, what used to get called "Liberal Arts" or "General Studies" curricula. Go to a cheap enough college that you can afford to explore outside of whatever STEM fields are currently being flogged for fashionable capitalists. This may not help you get a job, but will help you keep it. The ability to organize information across domains of knowledge is not something you'll ever see in a job description, but it helps ensure that you can cope with whatever the real world throws at you in ways that narrow specialists aren't prepared for. Moreover, it's just going to make you a healthier, wiser, more interesting person who remains curious throughout life.
Finally, there are no permanent answers to the "What should I do with my life?" question. As @DonQuixote indicated, you're going to keep asking yourself this at different stages in your life, ad nauseam. If a mistake doesn't kill you or put you in jail, you can dust yourself off, learn from it, and move on - if you're not making mistakes, you're not discovering yourself, learning, and growing as much as you could be.
I thought it was burnout for over a year, but honestly I just don't care for IT as a career. There are some hobbies that should just stay as hobbies. I thought before because I like working with computers it would be the perfect career path for me, but it just didn't pan out the way I thought it would. Which isn't a big deal. I'll just move to the next thing.
Physical health... I'm okay-ish. I watch what I eat, and make sure I can do a set of various body weight exercises, and run a mile in under 8 minutes about every 3-6 months. Mental health isn't the best, but it is getting better. I would like to go to s therapist, but debts and paying things off make it hard to allocate the money. Once I get a little further with my debts, I plan on it. Plus getting these things I constantly stress about slowly ironed out is helping. Little by little I am feeling more free. My social life definitely needs some work. My only good friend and I had falling out about 2 months ago now, and it sucks. It was over something so small and petty (I feel like) that he brought up, but he felt it was necessary to do. He has his own issues and I've known him for a long time, so I knew it was inevitable. Still blows losing a long time friend. But I need to find a way to make friends at this age. No idea how though, so I'll be exploring that idea as time goes on.
I still enjoy computers as a hobby. As of right now, I love streaming. I have a set schedule the I follow pretty strictly for it. It's so nice to have something I actually enjoy to look forward to 3 times a week. It gives me time to just have fun and be myself, also indirectly interact with people. I also don't mind helping friends and family with their own computer issues, but anything that I don't plan out is always a pain in the ass IMO. But it's nice being the one that some people look to for some sort of help. I'm also exploring some old/new hobbies. Starting to get back into art, more outdoor activities like hiking (winter makes it hard though), and spending time with my gf and dog. I'm trying not to spread my free time too thin for different interests. I've done that in the past and always felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything because I was worried about not practicing one thing or another.
I'll make sure once I move on that the job will supply benefits, and I have started to build up a savings for any unforeseeable event. Less spending, more savings, and paying shit off.
Not much to say here other than "I'll check it out!" That's very much what I consider a "dad book" as he loves those sort of things. He's been a realtor, house builder, business owner, public speaker, entrepreneur, and other things. So he has always valued building yourself. One of the first books he made me read was How to Win Friends and Influence People at the age of 10, then Man Search for Meaning after that. There was a lot of things he had everyone in my family read. I hated when I was younger, but now I see the value in what he had me read. He's 64 now and has had various health problems, so I'm trying to get a list out of him, and just spend more time with him before anything else happens. Not much say hah ;)
I'll hold off on school for about a year while I take a little RNR from life, but it definitely isn't out of the picture. I'll probably get a generals degree or business degree. Just something general that can be shoehorned into any industry or career.
I've definitely have learned this from my dad, as briefly mentioned before. He's changed careers many times over my own life, let alone his. I did feel trapped in this career though. But after thinking about it, I only am temporarily due to uncontrollable circumstances. But that's life. Finding an end date helped me a ton. I appreciate your well constructed reply as it made me think of the good, my future path, and state of mind.
At 24 I think that you have plenty of time to go to school for something else if you want. I had the same trajectory as you at your age. No school, cushy IT job. I’m 20 years older, and my only regret is no schooling in CS, or something else. I regret not going to university. On the positive side, you have real world experience already, and you are still super young!
Oh I have plenty of time! I plan on going to school just to get a degree in something, right? It's a good idea at least. But I just feel like people feel trapped in careers they aren't happy with. But as long as you're okay with restarting a little on the income side of things, I think people shouldn't put a career change out of the picture. I wouldn't change experience for anything. I'm forever grateful for it. At only 24, I've got plenty of time to figure shit out. I was just always in this mentality of more more more. You know?
Dude, making this much is so nice. But for me it just isn't worth it. I want a less stressful job that I can just leave at work, and not take home thinking about it constantly. It's just too much for me atm. I've been through a lot for someone my age and I just want to turn it down a few notches, you know? I'll probably go to school. But at the same time I want to take a year to just sorta chill. I got kicked out of the house once I turned 18, so I immediately went to adult mode and worried about everything. Even the superficial things like having a nice car and shit. I regret it, but I wouldn't change it. I have experience under my belt that a lot of 30+ year olds I know don't have. But I'm just going to take a year working a part time job and just chill. Make enough to pay bills, but other than that, I don't care much to get anything.
There's so much more to life than a career. On the other hand, if you land in one you like, it can be really nice. It took me a long time to land in working where I am, but to me it's been meaningful, making a difference.
At your age figuring out something that will work for you is still a search. I was close to 40 before I landed in something that worked. Be patient. There are all kinds of self assessment tools out there and it's a good exercise to go through some of them. But really, just going through life is what it takes. Don't worry if you feel like you're floundering. Stay humble. DO keep analyzing what you like, what you don't. Eventually something will stick.
A lot of us have dreamed of being independently wealthy, but unless the lush life really appeals to you, I don't think that's much of a goal. And so much changes as you approach each decade. A really good, and possibly updated book that helped me see some of the future was "Understanding Men's Passages" by Gail Sheehy.
Good luck!
Being independently wealthy was my goal before. But now my goal is "just" personal happiness. I want to focus on what I enjoy more and less about stuff. I fell into the materialistic lifestyle and I'm just now relearning about what I actually value. It's demoralizing though because I don't have the skills I once did and the aspirations, but I'm learning that it's okay to not know or be the best at whatever. It's just a personal challenge I struggle with, comparing that is. I'm working on it though and that's what matters. I'm excited and nervous for what the future holds! I'll check out that book for sure!
to me it seems like what you hate most of all is capitalism.
i know that word can mean a bunch of things to a bunch of people, but what i mean is very specific - a societal environment where in order to put food on the table & pay rent, the vast majority of the population must sell off their ability to labor to an employer (who has the legal deed to specific property).
That dynamic alone is the core of much of the dissatisfaction i find in any career, it's what makes the mantra of "do what you'll love and you'll never work a day in your life" trite - because if you're not in control of your own time, even if that time is spent adjacent to what you do to relax, you're still at the whim of another person's (or group's) visions and whims. If what you're doing isn't meaningfully a product of your own desire - if it's not as core to who you are as honey is to a bee - then you'll eventually grow disenchanted and feel your alienation from it. The problem's not the actions, it's the incentive structure.
Though im not rly aware of sizeable ones in tech (iirc there's a couple in the games industry), the idea of Worker-Owned Cooperatives as a way of significantly overcoming that alienation is one that im rly invested in. What that means is that every person who is an employee shares in the responsibility of employer. Decisions of hiring, firing, and payment are decided upon through one of a variety of consensus methods, which means that even if some staff still take managerial roles, it's in management's best interest to come to an agreement with other staff instead of dictating the decisions downward (as is rational in workplaces with a traditional employee/employer structure).
They've shown time after time to improve staff engagement, workplace longevity in the face of economic crises, and long-term planning, but since they get to the root of our preconceptions of how work "should" be, they're scoffed off as fantasy. IMO in someplace like that ppl who are as genuinely interested in learning and self-improvement as OP would thrive much more than the places they're currently being wrung out in
I am definitely not a fan of some aspects of capitalism. I just hate the hustle to get to the top. But also a lot of what you said hits home too. I wish I could just spend more time doing what I want rather than work to pay bills.
I would LOVE to be in your shoes. I do and don't want to live in the city. I wish there was a more city like place where everything is in walking distance to everything, but not have to pay up the ass. I have daydreams of living in a mid-rise apartment and working a part-time (or enough to get benefits 30hrs in my state), or just being able to do what I love for money. I need to get more into art again, and actually practice my writing. For now I am working on my entertainment by streaming. I'm not trying to force it by any means, but trying to just keep a natural flow of... rambling really. But witty. This is my creative outlet for now, but I do often find myself thinking of story ideas and art to go with it.
As a screenwriter studying to be a programmer, I feel like I’m the bizarro-you.
The specifics of not making money :P
Also, keep in mind that I'm not in the US. If it's hard in LA, it sure is harder in my portion of South-America.
I do plan on writing literature. I have an entire Twilight-Zone-esque TV show planned, with one screenplay and 10 stories laid out that I want to transform into short-stories.
And also one sci-fi novel featuring climate change, race politics and mind-meld :D
Until you go to school for writing and those classes, there are books I've read on how to write (can't remember the names, I'm sorry). Read books you like and write down why you like them, what stand out to you, and stuff like that. I bought an extra copy of one of my favorite books Name of the wind and literally highlighted as I read things I like.
Reading a bunch helps you come up with better ways to describe things other then "the creature was very big" type thing (bland explanations). Also, just write. Your first ideas and stories aren't going to be up to snuff, that's for sure. Post them online to get feedback. There are many many writers out there, and lovers of stories, that aren't afraid to share their opinion on things. Just start. Read things you like and figure out why you like them.
That's my advice, but I'm not an author.
I don't have any specific advice to give other than I feel like I've been somewhere similar to where you're at, and things get better.
For me I didn't change industry in the end, but found the role that fit with my passions and skills.