I don't want to say I'm an alcoholic but I might be. Over the last several years, my drinking has increased from once or twice a week to daily, to the point where I'd start my day off in the weekend with a drink. I knew it wasn't good, but it was a habit I fell into.

Obviously I'm aware enough about it to do something. I've quit smoking cigarettes, so I at least understand the quitting process, but I also don't want to (and don't think I could) give up drinking forever like I did with quitting cigarettes.

My wife is also a drinker, but is much more moderated about it. Thing is, it meant that even if I didn't buy drinks for me, there's always been drinks in the house and so... I drank that. I've finally convinced her that for financial and dietary reasons it would be beneficial to us to stop buying drinks for at home. For my own self, I know that if I don't have a drink around I just won't drink.

This works great but, I find myself lost and listless now! It's a frustrating feeling that I remember well from when I was quitting cigarettes, and I know I just need to work through those moments and keep myself busy otherwise. With the nice weather, I've been biking a lot more and spending more time outside with my kids. At night is when it's toughest - those times after everyone else is asleep and before I go to bed.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything, I just want to share somewhere my experience so far, because it feels good to write about it and express my feelings. Maybe it'll help.

Also if anyone has a suggestion for something to replace beer, I'd appreciate it. I don't like fruity, or soft drinks. Currently I'm getting by with enormous amounts of sparkling water but sometimes I want some flavor, but most drinks that aren't beer are cloyingly sweet and disgusting.

There are a lot of unorthodox or minor values and beliefs in societies. For example, in Western countries, veganism is relatively rare. But still, it's not unheard of and it's gaining traction. In the same way, radically egalitarian values are in no way popular, but they are definitely heard of. Think of ideologies that based themselves on them, like anarchism or utopian socialism.

We all have values and beliefs we hold dear, but even the ones that are very unorthodox most often fall into a tradition in some sort of philosophy, and have some significant following and historical grounding.

Obviously, no matter how unorthodox a belief is, there's going to be some historical grounding and tradition. But think of the beliefs and values you have, and consider whether you have any that is found in even less than 1% of the population. Do you have such values or beliefs, and why?

...

In my case, it's the fact that I despise nature. By nature, I don't mean being exposed to beautiful parts of it in a safe environment. I mean the hunger, the thirst, the violence, the diseases, the cold, the hot, and similar hardships. I mean nature in its glorious violence and random acts of suffering. I cherish life, and I do my best to contribute to its conservation, and that's why I despise the violence inherent in nature. Metaphorically speaking, Mother Nature is the most abusive parent in history. As an extension of this, in the grand scheme of things, I see the violence of nature as a much bigger problem than violence of humankind.

I try to do this exercise with myself sometimes and then... forget. But thought it'd be a fun thread.

(Also, obligatory reminder that Tildes is also public and all comments are available without login, so keep things uh, vague enough.)

Do you go by gut/heart feeling?

Do you analyze by head?

Do you write out long lists of pros and cons on paper?

Do you consult a lot of family and friends and then go by consensus majority?

Do you overanalyze and agonize and hit decision paralysis? If so, how do you get over that or push through it?

Strap in folks, this is a fun one.

Yesterday at around midday my almost 75 yr old Pa started feeling extremely fatigued, weak all over, hot and, in his words, very odd.

He rang my sister who lives 5 minutes away, she got there and immediately called an ambulance. They were there in sub 10 minutes and checked him over. He couldn't even walk in a straight line. They took his blood pressure and it benched 199/98. They said he had a possible stroke and needed to go to A&E (ER for my US friends). Not living more than 10 minutes from the local Medway Hospital (major hospital) they went there. It took 3 hours to get to being triaged. The time was 4:30pm when they're told that the closest Stroke clinic is Maidstone hospital, 40 minutes away at rush hour.

On the way out, they saw the paramedics that had been out to respond and they called ahead to Maidstone Hospital so he was on record. That did nothing. When he got there, it took another 2 hours for them to do another triage, then another 2 to do blood work. Then the stroke unit refused to take him stating that they didn't think it was a stroke. After politely arguing the case my sister had to remind them to do his blood pressure again. At this point it had come down a little. He is still really weak and couldn't hold a cuppa without spilling it.

Eventually they relented and did a CT scan. When they checked the results they said it wasn't a major stroke but could have been a posterial stroke which wouldn't show. They couldn't do anything else there and should go back to Medway. At this point it's midnight. At 1am, my sister is checking my dad back into Medway A&E. 1.5hrs later they're through reception and sitting in waiting room 3 with 29 other people. I headed down at 5am to relieve my sister. Between 5am and 11am they took his blood pressure twice and we waited in the waiting area with everyone, my usually fit and healthy dad in a wheelchair. He's exhausted, had no sleep and was genuinely scared, which he never is.

It took until 2pm to see a doctor and we had to put in an official complaint to the nurses liaison team about the handling to even get that far. An hour later and then he saw a consultant who gave him a thorough check.

Concerned, the doctor said he wants an MRI scan performed, but to do this he was being made an outpatient and sent home. He would get an appointment and come back in the next few days. Why? Because if they admitted him he would join the inpatient side and they have 1 MRI scanner. He may not have been seen for up to 2 weeks and would simply be taking up a bed. As an outpatient the team has 3 MRI scanners and he will be seen quicker, plus less likely to pick up an infection from the hospital. It took another hour and a half after this, plus chasing the team to get them to take bloods and remove his cannula so he could go home.

Sorry for the long read, but how backward and broken is this system?

They still don't know if it was a stroke or a brain degenerative issue, all we know is he is home, cannot look after himself or my disabled mother and the whole situation sucks.

As the title indicates, I am curious how folks have “gone with their gut intuition”, especially in circumstances where they are faced with tough decisions or life-altering changes. Some thoughts/prompts for discussion:

• What does your “gut” feel like to you?
• How do you reconcile differences between your “gut feeling” and what your brain is thinking/telling you?
• How do you get to the point where you decide to “go with your gut”?
• Can you share examples of when you went against your brain, and followed your gut, and it turned out to totally be the right decision for you?
• Do you have any examples of when you followed your gut intuition, instead of what your brain/logical mind was telling you, and it came back to bite you?
• How have you learned to “trust your gut”?
• What tactics or steps have you learned to take when trying to parse between what your “gut” is telling you and what your “brain” is telling you?

Curious how other people listen to their gut and use that intuition to make decisions or choose which direction to go in (concerning life stuff, career stuff, relationship issues, etc.).

Long story short, I grew up believing that a great deal of worth of someone's life was effecting change, especially politically. That's why I valued activism. It took courage, especially considering I don't live in a developed country.

The older I got and more problems I faced, I started to realize how unsatisfactory, even hollow this was. Modes of activism I engaged in didn't seem to fulfill me emotionally anymore, they were mostly impersonal, and they didn't seem to change anything. I have a lot of views that are extremely unorthodox for the place I live in, and I don't see any political movement that internalizes those values. I am extremely alienated from the "nation" I am supposedly part of, and from the political movements within it.

Another angle is that I recently realized how misguided I was. I was mostly doing mental labor, believing in the axiom that ideas can change things. But after some time and readings, I started thinking activities that aim for collective action and concrete changes (e.g. syndicates) were much more important. These are not available to me.

I feel like I have wasted a lot of my time. I pursued ideals more than my own emotional needs, believing they would make me happy and fulfilled, and they didn't. I pursued a way of engaging in politics that felt good but didn't effect change.

Don't get me wrong, while this is exasperating, it's also extremely liberating, joyful even. I enjoy the moments of quiet destruction that bring about the new. I no longer feel ashamed to admit I want comfort and stability in my life, and I don't want to take unnecessary risks. I have enough problems as is.

With this being said, I haven't given up on effecting change. I think it's much more convoluted and different than what I imagined when I was younger, and it's not generally about "going out there and showing up" or writing political texts and such. There are also levels to creating change, as it's not a binary thing.

At this point, I want to primarily live for myself, participate in some kind of change without risking myself to the point of overwhelming anxiety, and make more personal and real connections with people in general, including during effecting change.

What I've written here is a bit rough, but it's still an ongoing and raw process for me, and this post is more of a conversation topic, rather than a properly structured argument. I am interested in hearing your opinions. Has anyone had similar experiences, or things this post reminded you of?