Arshan's recent activity

  1. What makes someone a "decent" person to you?

    ~talk Ask (survey)
    I'd define decent as the minimum expectation I have for having someone in my life. I use the term a lot, but I had never been clear on what I mean by it. I think for me its that the person broadly...

    I'd define decent as the minimum expectation I have for having someone in my life. I use the term a lot, but I had never been clear on what I mean by it. I think for me its that the person broadly reciprocates the work I put into the relationship, both in kind and degree, unless I explicitly say otherwise. I'd say most of my interpersonal problems would fit under this; mainly being expected to put in a lot of emotional effort, and either they don't reciprocate it at all, they unambiguously do not match it or they ignore me when I tell them I don't care about gifts and act like the infrequent gift makes us equal.

    But that's me, and I expect there are many more varied expectations from y'all. So, what make some a decent person to you?

    26 votes

  2. Comment on Best foreign films and TV shows? in ~tv

    Arshan
    Link
    I'm going to avoid any detailed descriptions to minimize the risk of spoilers. Indian: Article 15. A crime thriller set in a small, rural village. Baahubali. Wild over the type, fantasy movie. A...

    I'm going to avoid any detailed descriptions to minimize the risk of spoilers.

    Indian:
    Article 15. A crime thriller set in a small, rural village.

    Baahubali. Wild over the type, fantasy movie.

    A Wednesday. A terrorist thriller.

    Korean:
    The Terror Live. A mostly single room thriller.

  4. Comment on Why do you think that there isn't a male-led/focused feminist-style movement? in ~life.men

    Arshan
    Link
    I've been trying to figure out if I could concisely clarify what I was trying to convey, but its still fairly messy. I am aware that menslib exist as a branch of Feminism, it's a big reason I am...

    I've been trying to figure out if I could concisely clarify what I was trying to convey, but its still fairly messy. I am aware that menslib exist as a branch of Feminism, it's a big reason I am wondering about this is reading bell hooks. But I kinda grate on the reflexive "Just be a feminist" type of response; I do consider myself a feminist, and it has deeply informed my current position. Men are a distinct group with different social and systemic issues to women, to transfolk, to any other dimension of your person-hood. Men both need and deserve media, spaces, philosophies, all the elements of wider movement focus on supporting them and providing them with GOOD models on how to led good lives for themselves and other people. I am perfectly happy to have that under the banner of feminism, or to not have it under that banner. I simply want the small seed that exists now to actually grow into something significant.

    And while there are many feminists that are supportive to menslib and I think its improved over the last decade, I don't think that support for it is important to the majority of feminists. Even someone as truly devoted to equality and feminism like bell hooks admits to pressuring her partner to be vulnerable with her, but then whenever he actually did, she made her feelings the priority and provided little support to him. That is emotional abuse, fused with a heavy does of emotional neglect. I am not trying to "cancel" bell hooks, I think she is a phenomenal writer who resonated with me deeply, but to convey that even someone so deeply focused on and self-reflective about gender issues can have massive blind spots about these issues. It also matches up with my own personal experiences of being a man trying to open up to women, often feminists.

    I guess the point of my rambling is that I personally feel surprised that more men haven't openly and publicly denounced patriarchy; I feel like its fucked me up since I was like 4 and my crying was met by indifference and my sister's was five alarm fire. Clearly many do speak out, but the scale just doesn't seem to be there. I guess it just makes me sad and tired.

    9 votes

  5. Comment on Why do you think that there isn't a male-led/focused feminist-style movement? in ~life.men

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    I am aware of both, but neither are the thing I am asking about. MensLib, from my experience, is tiny and has no meaningful influence. There are whole Feminist sections in book stores, many...

    I am aware of both, but neither are the thing I am asking about. MensLib, from my experience, is tiny and has no meaningful influence. There are whole Feminist sections in book stores, many explicitly feminist podcasts, articles and magazines dedicated to it, you name it. I am wondering about the significant difference in scale.

    MensRight's are filled with con-men and their marks. They aren't making meaningful critiques or offering actual help and support to men.

    9 votes

  6. Comment on I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand in ~life.women

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    I did mean this in a venting context, but I do appreciate the distinction. I hadn't considered it the context of Male privilege, where I can definitely see all the points your making. My main...

    I did mean this in a venting context, but I do appreciate the distinction. I hadn't considered it the context of Male privilege, where I can definitely see all the points your making. My main curiosity is about the why "Men are Trash" over "Timmy and his Bois are trash", which is a much less deep question. I've just been vaguely wondering about for a while.

    5 votes

  7. Comment on I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand in ~life.women

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    Thank you for sharing your feelings, I think it helped me clarify my confusion a bit. I've been focusing too much on the inciting incident of the anger/venting, where there are particular shitty...

    Thank you for sharing your feelings, I think it helped me clarify my confusion a bit. I've been focusing too much on the inciting incident of the anger/venting, where there are particular shitty men. When it comes up, its a lot more of a "Fuck me, this shit again", not a "Fuck me, Tim is a real asshole". Feel free to clarify if I am way off with my reading.

    12 votes

  8. I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand

    ~life.women Ask
    It's something I've wondered about for a while, but I wasn't sure how to have a constructive conversation about it. For clarity's sake, I am talking about the common social-media post of a woman...

    It's something I've wondered about for a while, but I wasn't sure how to have a constructive conversation about it. For clarity's sake, I am talking about the common social-media post of a woman talking about a terrible experience with a particular man or group of men and framing it around "Men are shitty". To be clear, I understand that is said in specific context and rarely does the person mean it literally. My question is about the appeal in the first place. As a personal example, I've been hurt by many women, but the idea of ever saying "Women are shitty." makes me feel mega-ick. So I'm genuinely curious to understand why some people find that kind of language cathartic or useful in some way?

    24 votes

  9. Why do you think that there isn't a male-led/focused feminist-style movement?

    ~life.men Ask
    It wasn't until recently that the oddness of this absence struck me. While I am definitely not claiming that men have it worse then women or other minorities, men do have very serious issues from...

    It wasn't until recently that the oddness of this absence struck me. While I am definitely not claiming that men have it worse then women or other minorities, men do have very serious issues from being men. Of course there are individual men, groups and small organizations that support men along these lines, but why do you think there isn't a broader culture movement?

    29 votes

  10. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    Arshan
    Link
    I just beat Honor mode on BG3 and absolutely loved it! The legendary actions add so much to the boss fights and not being able to undo bad rolls stresses me out so much. Spoilers for late game and...

    I just beat Honor mode on BG3 and absolutely loved it! The legendary actions add so much to the boss fights and not being able to undo bad rolls stresses me out so much.

    Spoilers for late game and Honor mode

    Out of all the legendary actions, I think Gortash and Nere got the biggest buffs. Both abilities do so much AOE damage, its crazy. The Grym fight is the most annoying by far, and the closest I came to losing a fight; he's so fucking fast. Overall, I can't imagine playing it without legendary actions again, they add so much.

    1 vote

  11. Comment on Lighthearted comedy anime? in ~anime

    Arshan
    Link
    I'd recommend Miss Kobayashis Dragon Maid; its very cute and cozy. I wouldn't say it has a ton of comedy in it, but there is some. If they know the Isekai genre reasonably well, The Eminence in...

    I'd recommend Miss Kobayashis Dragon Maid; its very cute and cozy. I wouldn't say it has a ton of comedy in it, but there is some.

    If they know the Isekai genre reasonably well, The Eminence in Shadow is the funniest anime currently releasing in my opinion. It's very much making fun of the genre, but not in a way that is super tongue in cheek.

    While's its not a comedy, I need to recommend Sound of the Sky, because I love it. Its a slice of life anime set in a post-apocalyptic world.

    4 votes

  12. Comment on Linus Tech Tips pauses production as controversy swirls in ~tech

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    I mean Linus did a quick retort in the linked piece: An "I don't recall" excuse is a cliche at this point and I personally think its telling that he isn't explicitly denying it, but I agree this...

    I mean Linus did a quick retort in the linked piece:

    I was in a state of shock reading through these allegations, plain and simple. They aren’t consistent with my recollections. They aren’t consistent with our internal processes. They aren’t consistent with our company values.

    An "I don't recall" excuse is a cliche at this point and I personally think its telling that he isn't explicitly denying it, but I agree this isn't a settled and done thing. As long as you are taking it seriously, I have no beef with you.

    2 votes

  13. Comment on Linus Tech Tips pauses production as controversy swirls in ~tech

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    I'd like to avoid a pointless flame war, so I'll try to keep my response to a minimum. I don't hate you or anyone else that is honestly engaging with this conversation in good faith. It makes me...

    I'd like to avoid a pointless flame war, so I'll try to keep my response to a minimum. I don't hate you or anyone else that is honestly engaging with this conversation in good faith. It makes me angry when people make wishy washy and deflecting statements about very serious claims, but I don't hate people over it. Please don't tell me what I feel.

    In what way was I not nuanced? I fully acknowledge its early and more information is needed. I admit its possible that she is wrong. My argument is that she is credible and should be taken seriously, not that she is 100% correct and true and perfect. I am happy to change my opinion if concrete evidence appears. Until then I will continue my default position of siding with the victim/accuser.

    As to the second paragraph, I don't know, okay? I'm talking about the alleged crimes against Linus and LMG, not SOCIETY. If you want to talk about SOCIETY, start a thread somewhere else.

    On a more personal note, I have strong feelings about this issue because it is personal for me. I have been sexually harassed multiple times and groped before. I have known many, many people who were sexually assaulted. To my knowledge, none of the perpetrators were punished, in a big part because victims are afraid to come forward. So yes, I come in hard on this, and I am not going to apologize for that.

    18 votes

  14. Comment on Linus Tech Tips pauses production as controversy swirls in ~tech

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    I'll try and be charitable here, but takes like this make my blood boil. To be clear, I am talking about the Madison allegations, not the original Gamer's Nexus video, as I believe you are. There...
    • Exemplary

    I'll try and be charitable here, but takes like this make my blood boil. To be clear, I am talking about the Madison allegations, not the original Gamer's Nexus video, as I believe you are. There are many problems and shitty things strongly shown in the GN video, but systemic sexism, verbal/emotional abuse, sexual assault and management complicity in all it of it is a much bigger deal.

    At least 9/10 sexual assault accusations are true, so given no evidence, the rational choice is to believe the victim. In this instance, it is early in the story and MAYBE she is in the 1/10 where its exaggerated or completely untrue, MAYBE. But it's also a very credible and believible story. It is boringly terrible; most false accusations are more grand, more theatrical. None of her claims were wild or over the top. Linus in videos acts like he shits gold and can do no wrong, why shouldn't I believe he does the same in private?

    But not picking a side is picking a side; you are picking the side with power and influence, Linus and LMG. No matter what Linus is rich as fuck and will be fine; acting like him resigning is some horrible fate is a bit silly. Retiring at his age is a fantasy for many people. On the otherside is a normal person who was most likely used and abused by people she looked up to. She has a lot to risk and lose by making these accusations.

    None of this is worth what hate is being thrown around.

    I beg to differ; sexual assault and a cover-up are exactly things that should get you a lot of hate and scrutiny.

    39 votes

  15. Comment on What makes a person alluring to you? in ~talk

    Arshan
    Link
    I've been thinking about this a lot recently, since I've actually been feeling pretty good. I've always been bad at having personal tastes for anything, so its something I actually have to think...

    I've been thinking about this a lot recently, since I've actually been feeling pretty good. I've always been bad at having personal tastes for anything, so its something I actually have to think about. I think the biggest one is being responsible for themselves, mainly in an emotional sense. I've been in way too many relationships where the other person expected me to endlessly dump emotional support in their bottomless pit of a heart. Honestly, anyone actually treating me like an equal would go real far.

    2 votes

  16. Comment on Any hardcore leftists here? in ~talk

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    It existed for 4 years in a near constant state of war, often fighting both the Reds and the Whites. Many nations have fallen quicker and more decisively, and it doesn't make it impossible for...

    It existed for 4 years in a near constant state of war, often fighting both the Reds and the Whites. Many nations have fallen quicker and more decisively, and it doesn't make it impossible for them to have won. My point on the betrayal was also that it wasn't defeated in a direct military sense. I personally consider it evidence that the Bolsheviks considered them a real threat, but that is an assumption. The question is whether an anarchist society has a real shot at defeating an invading force, which I believe is true.

    As to Rojava, no its not "true" anarchy, but it is the closest society currently to it that I am aware of. The reason I included it was that its military is run under fairly democratic means and that it is officially inspired by writings from the anarchist Murray Bookchin. I'm not 100% sold on it either. It seems to have a real cult of personality around their leader, and I am not sure how deeply held anarchist values are by the average person. But I am armchairing people who fought for lives, so I digress. I am curious what your definition of anarchy is.

    6 votes

  17. Comment on Any hardcore leftists here? in ~talk

    Arshan
    Link
    Out of those, I'd say I agree with Chomsky on how social systems work and American Imperialism, but not much else. I like Bernie, he actually seems to have integrity and sticks with his values. I...
    1. Out of those, I'd say I agree with Chomsky on how social systems work and American Imperialism, but not much else. I like Bernie, he actually seems to have integrity and sticks with his values. I enjoyed reading Bullshit Jobs at a mostly bullshit job. I know nothing about the other two.
    2. Capitalism plays a big role, but gross inequality existed before it. Personally, I've felt the overreaches of religion a lot, and I am concerned by any philosophy that argues for 'Forget the World, Heaven will be Perfect' type of thing. I do believe things can get significantly better, but the hows are the big problem.
    3. I do consider myself an anarchist. All arguments for someone's right to dominate or control anyone else wrings hollow to me. Its also based on my selfish desire to lead a comfortable and stable life, which is real hard right now. As to arguments about leftist people and groups, I have very little personal experience with them. It also doesn't matter to me much, I believe what I believe for my own reasons.
    3 votes

  18. Comment on Any hardcore leftists here? in ~talk

    Arshan
    Link Parent
    Coincidentally, Ukraine had one of the most successful anarchist societies in recent history, the Makhnovschina. They did well enough militarily that the Bolsheviks had to ally with them....

    Coincidentally, Ukraine had one of the most successful anarchist societies in recent history, the Makhnovschina. They did well enough militarily that the Bolsheviks had to ally with them. Eventually the alliance was no longer necessary for the Reds, so they massacred their "allies". For a current example, Rojava played a massive role in defeating ISIS, and is explicitly organized around libertarian-socialist theory. So yes, anarchist societies can, have and do defend themselves successfully from nation-states.

    6 votes

  19. Comment on Non-revolutionary anarchism in ~humanities

    Arshan
    Link
    I am having a hard time clocking what your requirements are. I don't really know what "revolutionary anarchism" means; all anarchism is revolutionary, i.e. argues for massive systemic changes. I...

    I am having a hard time clocking what your requirements are. I don't really know what "revolutionary anarchism" means; all anarchism is revolutionary, i.e. argues for massive systemic changes. I hate being preached at too, but some amount of convincing is what politics is. It is side picking, even if that side is neutrality. This FAQ might be helpful for reference, or if that's too gigantic, this one could work. I am happy to offer suggestions, I just don't have a good sense on what you are looking for specifically.

    24 votes

  20. Comment on Modern men: Navigating life, relationships, and self-identity in ~life.men

    Arshan
    Link
    I'd say that this type of question would be most interesting to me. I always find it fascinating to see how similar or different my experiences are from other people. And I really prefer it be...
    1. Relationships, expectations, and sterotypes

    I'd say that this type of question would be most interesting to me. I always find it fascinating to see how similar or different my experiences are from other people. And I really prefer it be more in-depth and free-form then a poll; so much nuance gets lost in multiple choice questions. It really helps me interrogate assumptions that I probably would never notice without prompting. As to why I think ~life.men in particular could benefit from these kinds of discussion, I believe that Male being the "default" gender actually masks a lot of the nuances of each individual man's experiences. It is an archetypal masculinity that is the default assumption, not actual men.

    5 votes