Arshan's recent activity
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Comment on Valve is possibly making a Steam Controller 2 and a ‘Roy’ for its Deckard in ~games
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Comment on Paper: Feminism in Programming Language Design in ~comp
Arshan Link ParentI feel like we are talking across each other a bit. I am not saying I can't identify with any particular feminism or feminist, but that I don't feel included in an abstract and unspecific...I feel like we are talking across each other a bit. I am not saying I can't identify with any particular feminism or feminist, but that I don't feel included in an abstract and unspecific Feminism™ or in many feminist dialogues. I agree that 4th-wave feminism is MORE inclusive then earlier iterations, but not that its inclusive enough for me to feel actually safe and welcome.
It still minimizes the harm and extent of both female perpetrators and male victims, which is a lot of my personal experience. I think my main point is that 4th-wave feminism uses a lot of anarchist language, while not adopting the underlying principles, or at least that is my concern. I will try to critical engage with this opinion and not take it as fact. -
Comment on Paper: Feminism in Programming Language Design in ~comp
Arshan Link ParentOkay, I will. I'd appreciate you doing the same. I dislike the biggest-tent feminism that the paper pretty explicitly argues for, because I don't believe I am actual welcome as a fully equal...Okay, I will. I'd appreciate you doing the same. I dislike the biggest-tent feminism that the paper pretty explicitly argues for, because I don't believe I am actual welcome as a fully equal member. Maybe that's because I have unexamined biases around feminism, but it might also be that I am not welcome. I'll try to spend sometime considering it.
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Comment on Paper: Feminism in Programming Language Design in ~comp
Arshan Link ParentYes, but only if the ideas actually retain the core values and aren't white-washed to oblivion. Anarchism has few core concepts, but they are all necessary, they are interwoven into the whole. One...Yes, but only if the ideas actually retain the core values and aren't white-washed to oblivion. Anarchism has few core concepts, but they are all necessary, they are interwoven into the whole. One is anti-capitalism; of course some feminists and some feminisms are anti-capitalist, but I don't believe feminism is as a whole can be described that way. The other core tenet is an absolute rejection of hierarchies, not a thinking there in bad taste, but fundamentally wrong. Again not a necessary tenet of feminism.
I used the a word appropriating because that's the feeling I get from this paper and similar works. Now, I will note that is feeling that I've had for a while, so I do believe that colored my interpretation of the paper. And I admit its mostly a feeling, but I also can't think of a better word or way to describe it. I really tried here, but nothing else worked. It simply feels like appropriation to me.
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Comment on Paper: Feminism in Programming Language Design in ~comp
Arshan Link ParentI don't disagree, but I was more talking about what would have made the paper better for me. I am by no means an expert on all the main branches of feminist theory, but I know enough to not need...I don't disagree, but I was more talking about what would have made the paper better for me. I am by no means an expert on all the main branches of feminist theory, but I know enough to not need the intro. I'd just have preferred they went into more depth with that time and space.
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Comment on Paper: Feminism in Programming Language Design in ~comp
Arshan LinkI think the paper's biggest problem is that its way to broad and shallow. It mentions a lot of things, like pretty much all programming languages being in English and the "hard is good" mentality,...I think the paper's biggest problem is that its way to broad and shallow. It mentions a lot of things, like pretty much all programming languages being in English and the "hard is good" mentality, that I think are solid points, but just kinda mentions them and breezes on to other topics. Also, the preamble about feminism takes up a big chunk of the paper; I'd have preferred that they just assume a basic level of knowledge and/or provide references for those who need it.
I do want to nit-pick the origin of the quote 'No one is free until everyone is free'. The authors quote a speech by Fannie Lou Hamer in the 1970s, but I'm pretty much certain it's a paraphrasing of a much older quote by the anarchist Mikhail Bakunin in the 1870s. Honestly, a lot of modern, 4th-wave feminism feels like watered-down and appropriated anarchism to me.
I am truly free only when all human beings, men and women, are equally free. The freedom of other men, far from negating or limiting my freedom, is, on the contrary, its necessary premise and confirmation.
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Comment on Thoughts on the friendzone in ~life
Arshan LinkI can come at this from a man "friend-zoning" women. Now, I had no idea at the time, because I had 0 self-esteem and sense of self-worth, so this is all looking back. One sexually harassed me;...I can come at this from a man "friend-zoning" women. Now, I had no idea at the time, because I had 0 self-esteem and sense of self-worth, so this is all looking back.
One sexually harassed me;
One probably did something(s) to keep other people away from me; I don't have concrete proof, but enough hints and weird things to be pretty certain. And 2 that were emotional wrecks that forced me into a pseudo-therapist role with no mutual support from them; they were also uncomfortably possessive for a friendship.details
offered me a soda if she could sit on my lap, grabbed my ass in a hug and very intentionally walked in on me changing.On a positive note, I had one woman who was perfectly nice and respectful. Nothing came of it, but it is nice to have some point of reference for decent treatment. Same with the one gay guy that showed any interest in me.
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Comment on Has anyone ever used NixOS as daily-drive distro? in ~tech
Arshan LinkI've used it on my main desktop and laptop for ~5 years. Pros: Real easy to try things out; (Comma)[https://github.com/nix-community/comma] lets you just type , <package> in your shell to run a...I've used it on my main desktop and laptop for ~5 years.
Pros:- Real easy to try things out; (Comma)[https://github.com/nix-community/comma] lets you just type
, <package>in your shell to run a package - Generally very up-to-date packages with a massive range of packages
- One config for everything
- Very easy to configure multiple computers to be identical or different as you need
Cons: - If you go off the happy path, you're really on your own. This is true for most Linux distros, but with Nixos you get an additional weirdness point.
- The Nix language is kinda weird, and I don't mean as a pure functional language. My brain separates config languages and programming languages into different categories and nix the language is a fusion of them.
- The project itself is in a odd state with flakes and theirs been some kerfuffles with maintainers. I don't know details just that theirs been some conflict.
- Related to the above, nix flakes have been in experimental for years and I don't think their coming out soon.
I've used it daily and I honestly don't have many serious critiques with the tech.
- Real easy to try things out; (Comma)[https://github.com/nix-community/comma] lets you just type
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (June 2024) in ~health.mental
Arshan LinkI feel stuck. I'm unemployed, but I can't seem to start working towards anything. That means I have to either take money from my parents or be homeless; so far, I've been taking the money, which I...I feel stuck. I'm unemployed, but I can't seem to start working towards anything. That means I have to either take money from my parents or be homeless; so far, I've been taking the money, which I really hate. I feel like a big part of why I hate it so much is because its clearly a privilege, but its terrible for my mental health. It pushes my back to being the scared kid who needs to depend on people he doesn't trust or like.
I've been realizing I don't really know what a good life for me even means, what I even want. All I know is trying to get a point where its possible, and I think its possible now, but I just don't know anything specific.
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Comment on Weighing in on "Man or Bear" - from a woman that left society to the Alaskan wilderness in ~life.women
Arshan Link ParentI'd say I'm mixed on your first point; most of the stuff that happened is more emotional abuse stuff, especially as an adult, not severe physical injury. I am worried about moderate violence, i.e....I'd say I'm mixed on your first point; most of the stuff that happened is more emotional abuse stuff, especially as an adult, not severe physical injury. I am worried about moderate violence, i.e. punches, slaps and the like.
The mixed part is related to physical violence when I was a child.
My older sister was quite violent towards me. She suffocated me to the point of blacking out on more then a few occasions. Apparently, when I was very young, she tried to hit me over the head with a brick; the only reason I have any knowledge is because my parents' thought it was funny/cute story to retell. My point being some women can still have relative power over some men, not all men are stronger then all women.I imagine my stronger association with being the victim is because I am very weak guy, so I get it. I am really not trying to say that men aren't violent and scary, trust me I've been scared of a big, threatening guy. My point is that this conversation isn't owned by the male-perpetrator and female-victim perspective, that its one of many.
I do also just want to say I am sorry you feel so unsafe, I hope you have people you feel comfortable with.
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Comment on Weighing in on "Man or Bear" - from a woman that left society to the Alaskan wilderness in ~life.women
Arshan Link ParentI want to be very clear, I am not saying that women are incapable of understanding that men can feel unsafe in the abstract. I am saying in my personal experience many women don't seem to be...I want to be very clear, I am not saying that women are incapable of understanding that men can feel unsafe in the abstract. I am saying in my personal experience many women don't seem to be socialized to consider how their specific actions might make men feel unsafe. It is an argument from solidarity; I am saying I agree with the point, I'd pick the bear over a random person.
I have and will continue to start similar conversations from a more gender open perspective, but I am not trying to talk over anyone. I am simply trying to add to it.
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Comment on Weighing in on "Man or Bear" - from a woman that left society to the Alaskan wilderness in ~life.women
Arshan LinkDo women genuinely not realize that men can feel the same way about women? That's not a rhetorical question; from my personal experience, few women consider the idea that they might make me, a...Do women genuinely not realize that men can feel the same way about women? That's not a rhetorical question; from my personal experience, few women consider the idea that they might make me, a man, feel unsafe. Clearly, I can't read their minds, but none of their actions or words suggest or hint at the internal concern. They don't take small complaints or worries seriously to show that they can handle the big stuff as well. They don't ask any questions to show that actually want to know me, but are inversely certain they know me, truly understand me, without a single step of effort. Don't they know you need to make someone feel safe before you try and make them like you? But my personal experience is generally odd, so I feel wary to, well, generalize from it.
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What makes someone a "decent" person to you?
I'd define decent as the minimum expectation I have for having someone in my life. I use the term a lot, but I had never been clear on what I mean by it. I think for me its that the person broadly...
I'd define decent as the minimum expectation I have for having someone in my life. I use the term a lot, but I had never been clear on what I mean by it. I think for me its that the person broadly reciprocates the work I put into the relationship, both in kind and degree, unless I explicitly say otherwise. I'd say most of my interpersonal problems would fit under this; mainly being expected to put in a lot of emotional effort, and either they don't reciprocate it at all, they unambiguously do not match it or they ignore me when I tell them I don't care about gifts and act like the infrequent gift makes us equal.
But that's me, and I expect there are many more varied expectations from y'all. So, what make some a decent person to you?
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Comment on Best foreign films and TV shows? in ~tv
Arshan LinkI'm going to avoid any detailed descriptions to minimize the risk of spoilers. Indian: Article 15. A crime thriller set in a small, rural village. Baahubali. Wild over the type, fantasy movie. A...I'm going to avoid any detailed descriptions to minimize the risk of spoilers.
Indian:
Article 15. A crime thriller set in a small, rural village.Baahubali. Wild over the type, fantasy movie.
A Wednesday. A terrorist thriller.
Korean:
The Terror Live. A mostly single room thriller. -
What's something about your lived experience you wished people understood, but rarely do?
It can really be anything, just something that's stuck with you.
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Comment on Why do you think that there isn't a male-led/focused feminist-style movement? in ~life.men
Arshan LinkI've been trying to figure out if I could concisely clarify what I was trying to convey, but its still fairly messy. I am aware that menslib exist as a branch of Feminism, it's a big reason I am...I've been trying to figure out if I could concisely clarify what I was trying to convey, but its still fairly messy. I am aware that menslib exist as a branch of Feminism, it's a big reason I am wondering about this is reading bell hooks. But I kinda grate on the reflexive "Just be a feminist" type of response; I do consider myself a feminist, and it has deeply informed my current position. Men are a distinct group with different social and systemic issues to women, to transfolk, to any other dimension of your person-hood. Men both need and deserve media, spaces, philosophies, all the elements of wider movement focus on supporting them and providing them with GOOD models on how to led good lives for themselves and other people. I am perfectly happy to have that under the banner of feminism, or to not have it under that banner. I simply want the small seed that exists now to actually grow into something significant.
And while there are many feminists that are supportive to menslib and I think its improved over the last decade, I don't think that support for it is important to the majority of feminists. Even someone as truly devoted to equality and feminism like bell hooks admits to pressuring her partner to be vulnerable with her, but then whenever he actually did, she made her feelings the priority and provided little support to him. That is emotional abuse, fused with a heavy does of emotional neglect. I am not trying to "cancel" bell hooks, I think she is a phenomenal writer who resonated with me deeply, but to convey that even someone so deeply focused on and self-reflective about gender issues can have massive blind spots about these issues. It also matches up with my own personal experiences of being a man trying to open up to women, often feminists.
I guess the point of my rambling is that I personally feel surprised that more men haven't openly and publicly denounced patriarchy; I feel like its fucked me up since I was like 4 and my crying was met by indifference and my sister's was five alarm fire. Clearly many do speak out, but the scale just doesn't seem to be there. I guess it just makes me sad and tired.
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Comment on Why do you think that there isn't a male-led/focused feminist-style movement? in ~life.men
Arshan Link ParentI am aware of both, but neither are the thing I am asking about. MensLib, from my experience, is tiny and has no meaningful influence. There are whole Feminist sections in book stores, many...I am aware of both, but neither are the thing I am asking about. MensLib, from my experience, is tiny and has no meaningful influence. There are whole Feminist sections in book stores, many explicitly feminist podcasts, articles and magazines dedicated to it, you name it. I am wondering about the significant difference in scale.
MensRight's are filled with con-men and their marks. They aren't making meaningful critiques or offering actual help and support to men.
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Comment on I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand in ~life.women
Arshan Link ParentI did mean this in a venting context, but I do appreciate the distinction. I hadn't considered it the context of Male privilege, where I can definitely see all the points your making. My main...I did mean this in a venting context, but I do appreciate the distinction. I hadn't considered it the context of Male privilege, where I can definitely see all the points your making. My main curiosity is about the why "Men are Trash" over "Timmy and his Bois are trash", which is a much less deep question. I've just been vaguely wondering about for a while.
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Comment on I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand in ~life.women
Arshan Link ParentThank you for sharing your feelings, I think it helped me clarify my confusion a bit. I've been focusing too much on the inciting incident of the anger/venting, where there are particular shitty...Thank you for sharing your feelings, I think it helped me clarify my confusion a bit. I've been focusing too much on the inciting incident of the anger/venting, where there are particular shitty men. When it comes up, its a lot more of a "Fuck me, this shit again", not a "Fuck me, Tim is a real asshole". Feel free to clarify if I am way off with my reading.
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I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand
It's something I've wondered about for a while, but I wasn't sure how to have a constructive conversation about it. For clarity's sake, I am talking about the common social-media post of a woman...
It's something I've wondered about for a while, but I wasn't sure how to have a constructive conversation about it. For clarity's sake, I am talking about the common social-media post of a woman talking about a terrible experience with a particular man or group of men and framing it around "Men are shitty". To be clear, I understand that is said in specific context and rarely does the person mean it literally. My question is about the appeal in the first place. As a personal example, I've been hurt by many women, but the idea of ever saying "Women are shitty." makes me feel mega-ick. So I'm genuinely curious to understand why some people find that kind of language cathartic or useful in some way?
24 votes
My Steam Controller is having joystick problems and I use it instead of a mouse, so I've been kinda worried. I really hope this is real and that its comparable to the preexisting one.