chewonbananas's recent activity
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Comment on ‘Backrooms’ sends Hollywood running to Reddit for new ideas in ~movies
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Comment on What have you been eating, drinking, and cooking? in ~food
chewonbananas LinkOats with soy milk. It has a very nutty and basic aroma to it. No sugar of course.Oats with soy milk. It has a very nutty and basic aroma to it. No sugar of course.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
chewonbananas (edited )LinkI have deeply enjoyed reading this post as it resonates with my lifelong experiences and I have saved it as a comfort read to know there are individuals like me out there. I will respond in a more...I have deeply enjoyed reading this post as it resonates with my lifelong experiences and I have saved it as a comfort read to know there are individuals like me out there. I will respond in a more thorough manner after I get back home, but I have also stumbled upon the expression of "mental prostitution" and based on my encounters with therapists that's exactly how it was. A transactional event.
For the time being you might be interested in the subreddit r/therapyabuse.
I'll see to expand this comment after my shift ends.
@smoontjes
The rest of the comment as follows:If you are talking to a friend or loved one (who is not being paid to talk to you) about mental health, if you bring up some personal issue, raise a life problem, anything deeper than surface level interpersonal stuff, there is a high likelihood that the conversation will steer towards a version of this question: have you tried therapy?
This is why I insist on talking about these and any other deeper topics to my online friends. People normally shy away from that and use the "get a therapist" or "why are you telling me all this?" card, but because that has been used on me too many times, I have started, almost out of spite, to use the "okay, let's talk about it". I am particularly prone to dropping everything I am doing at the moment if the person is highly distressed. I will not go to sleep until they've calmed down or I've offered them a different perspective. Four years ago I failed to listen to someone like that on IRC and even though I've been told it wasn't my fault, I still feel a duty towards struggling individuals.
That is - probably unintentionally and unbeknownst to them - the signal to me that the conversation is now over. They do not have the mental capacity to talk about it at the moment, maybe they feel they are out of their depth with such a heavy subject matter, or perhaps they do not have the life experience to relate to it. Maybe all of the above. It is all fair enough. So they bring up their best bet for a solution that in their mind might help. It gets very old but I remind myself to appreciate their good faith and good intentions.
That signal has caused me so much pain that many times I am unsure whether their intentions were good or they just wanted to cut corners of the conversation. Not because they didn't want to talk to me, but because they both didn't care and were passively taught to use that joker card. There is also a third option where they thought "Someone else will solve this problem." which is a very common approach to social issues in Croatia.
The way we behave and interact with each other is unrecognizable compared to just one or two centuries ago before industrialization.
I am of opinion that this way of interaction was more frequent in the pre social media and smartphone era. Our social circles were smaller. I often ask my mother what was it like to live in the 1960s and what was it like for her parents and grandparents to live in the decades before the 60s. She often mentions a particular summer holiday where families would gather round from all parts of the region. This was before people had cars in this part of the world. My mother would walk from before dawn to early evening to get from her village to the one where they all gathered. She said that when her grandmother and her sisters and brothers saw each other, after a period of one year, that their joy and happiness was immeasureable. These days you can just see someone on a screen any time of the day.
There is a part of our humanity that got ripped out of us with the advent of these new technologies and made us that much colder and more distant. Having instant access to emotional bursts without the year long buildup shocks your body and mind. What's left is emptiness.
Nowadays, work-life balance is such an enforced thing that connections seem to be in rigid boxes. Not that people are not friends with their coworkers, but it is my impression that it is kind of rare to truly befriend a coworker. So you have a box that is called work, and you have a box that is called life. And you do not much mix them together - you certainly do not talk about heavy life things at work.
Early on I was taught to avoid talking about serious topics at work. It's not that it's forbidden, but your colleagues are a pack of sharks. They will rip you apart and gossip and overblow whatever truth you told them. Then again, for neurotypical folks, it seems as if there were friendships formed. I am an extreme outsider so I could never fit, no matter how much I tried. Most people agree, that work is work. The only time it isn't is when your managers want you to work weekends and they use the "we're a family" card. I have gone as far as to create a work persona with whole swaths of made up stories that they then use to gossip about me not being aware that most of it is bullshit. Maybe the corporate culture in Croatia is just so very toxic.
But if you do not fit into those boxes, are not capable of these things, do not have a supportive environment, well good luck to you, there will be no networking, no meaningful connections, there will be major hardship ahead if you have not somehow managed to figure it all out on your own. Due to being even slightly socially inept, behind your peers in any way, or if you chose a different path in life, chances are that you are sooner or later going to run into this so-called platonic prostitution of the therapeutic industry.
That's how it is for me. After a lifetime of education I realize that networking is important. No one ever told me that. I was just told to study and keep my head down and pass my exams. I was the perfect academic machine. I have never had a true friend. I had no one to rely on. No one to support me emotionally. And yes, I too encountered therapists along the way.
The first one, I still remember what she said to me in one of the sessions:
"You're nodding your head and that implies to me that you are listening to me."
She acted as if that was some grand discovery.
The last therapist I had tried to make my sessions a 2-3 per week event. Her hourly rate was around 60 euros at the time. That's quality food for a week in my book. Every session would leave me in a state of high emotional and physical distress, but I could never go too much in depth about it so we could work on it. And after a while I started feeling as if I was being manipulated into doing more of it. She also offered to physically hug me even though I was very clear on how uncomfortable it made me. I finally ceased the therapy by email as I had spent an entire session trying to break it off like that, but she wouldn't let me.
they have to be paid to do it. How humiliating. But you are told therapy is the only way to help you.
That's where the issue lies for me personally. Sooner or later you will grow attached to your therapist. You are sharing the most intimate, secret, darkest, carnal, sensitive parts of your self to a third party. But you pay for it. Isn't that kind of emotional connection so very wrong for any two human beings. For any living beings. To pay for vulnerability and acceptance. As if you are paying for a physical act, but this feels even worse than that as every thing you say can be used as a weapon against you. It can be used to further destabilize you.
Come back next time and hope they remember their notes because otherwise you will spend half of their precious scheduled time reiterating your issues and reminding your therapist of your history.
This is what irked me so much. I could see it in her eyes that she barely remembered the last session and she would speed read through her notes, but the trouble was there were too many notes so there's no way she could have read it all with comprehension in those 2-3 minutes.
Forget your traumas for now. Forget your life circumstances. Let us do some breathing exercises! Let us do some grounding techniques! We should engage in some mindfulness!
This to the power of 25. I had eventually grown so unstable that therapy pushed me backwards a few years and I had to fix that damage on my own. I was in tears after every session. I was restless and agitated 24/7 and I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't talk about the dark thoughts because I would be threatened by police and EMT intervention events.
So there I was in therapy, a place where I am supposed to structurally reinforce the building of self while ignoring the failing support pillars at the same time because if I don't the wrecking crew will just TNT the whole thing.
Therapy is, for the most part, the snake oil of the 21st century. It cures all, unless it doesn't and then it's all your fault. Or genetics. And yes, I know this is an extreme point of view from an individual who has had bad luck both with therapists and civilians. And I can also say that therapy helps people with simpler problems. Or maybe it is placebo at that point. Some of the commenters mention finding a good person in a good therapist, but I have found good people willing to listen to me and console me without having to pay for their time with the same money that buys me food and a roof over my head. To find that perfect combination of a good therapist good person individual would cost me absurd amounts of money. Isn't that terrible on its own and it's very similar to gambling. Always hoping that the next one will be the one. The next game. The next prize.
The things that therapy claims to solve is to stand on your own two feet and be self-sufficient, self-reliant, stable, need minimal help from the outside.
I live that kind of a life to a certain extent. I live alone, pay my bills, cook my food. I have a job and don't rely on anyone, not even public transit to get me anywhere as I am unable to operate vehicles). I can handle solitude, but at the age of 30 I am starting to feel the burden of isolation and loneliness that has accompanied me for the larger part of my life. I feel the coldness of the walls that surround me and the suffocating idea of living like this until the day I die. I have had a difficult live and was taught to not burden others with my burdens. Because of that I have become extremely withdrawn and reluctant to grow close to anyone. To be alone and self sufficient is a to live in desolation.
Again, they do not claim this themselves. It is society that vaguely thinks so. But the therapist really only knows how to use a small set of the tools needed to repair you.
The therapists only know what they have learned in school and courses. They go to conventions and do workshops. As an engineer I cannot say that university level education has taught me everything I need to know. I have to continuously evolve through professional experiences. I have been to conventions and workshops and they consist of very vague layman level amounts of mechanical engineering knowledge dispersed in an afternoon. It's a subpar event where you are waiting for lunch more than you are absorbing the knowledge presented.
But, what happens when you encounter something that has not been encountered before. You can't search for it in a book. You have to figure it out. Figuring out takes time and patience. And your hour is nearly up. Pay up, chewonbananas and get lost until the next session.
I will echo the first comment in this thread not to criticize it. Everyone has a right to their own view of the world.
I am not a therapist. I am not your therapist. I am a fellow human. I am a person. I can talk to you if you need someone to talk to because there are so many like us that are suffocating at that in between point where you want to say something and your environment keeps shushing you when you do. I don't mind talking about difficult topics because if there was no one there for me when I needed someone the most, the least I can do is to be that someone for someone else. I try to help people even if we aren't talking, even if they need someone to sit in silence with, I will sit in silence with them. How much have I wanted that when I was younger, but no one had ever wanted to sit besides me. In a way, the people who choose to sit next to me are still wary of being too close. I don't blame them, as I know I will never experience the true platonic intimacy that some people do. Without transactions, without hourly rates. Just experiencing each other's humanity.
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Comment on Not alive, but not dead: disembodied human brains used for drug testing in ~health
chewonbananas Link ParentHello fellow more-real-than-reality dreamer. I wish you a dreamless night.Hello fellow more-real-than-reality dreamer. I wish you a dreamless night.
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Comment on Tildes Minecraft Weekly in ~games
chewonbananas Link ParentI did manage to find it after the fact. I was disoriented at first.I did manage to find it after the fact. I was disoriented at first.
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Comment on Tildes Minecraft Weekly in ~games
chewonbananas LinkAs promised, although severy belated, I have started working on a tiny base campsite aptly named "gnawky's crib", but will have to rename that to "chewy's crib" or pull off a Tom Hardy twin...As promised, although severy belated, I have started working on a tiny base campsite aptly named "gnawky's crib", but will have to rename that to "chewy's crib" or pull off a Tom Hardy twin bamboozler and have two (IGN and Tildes) names on the same sign.
There is a chest next to the building with the nice facade, but filled in doors from which I have acquired a handful. Some may even say a pinch of bonemeal which I will return when I set up a fire. A spit. And a lamb on a spit.
I do have to commend the spacious trading hall. I can almost feel the soft wind caressing my blocky onion head as I enter its bowels.
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Comment on Kings of the losers in ~life
chewonbananas LinkBlackpill seems like a GUI wrapper for nihillism.Blackpill seems like a GUI wrapper for nihillism.
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Comment on What creative projects have you been working on? in ~creative
chewonbananas LinkI've started a singleplayer tutorial esque series over on youtube in my 1.17 minecraft forever world. This type of content has been done to death and I don't expect anything out of it. It's just...I've started a singleplayer tutorial esque series over on youtube in my 1.17 minecraft forever world. This type of content has been done to death and I don't expect anything out of it. It's just something to do. I enjoy the process which is a rarity these days, for me to enjoy anything. I like editing videos, although it's very primitive editing at this point.
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Comment on What's something that you missed out on? in ~talk
chewonbananas LinkWhen AmongUs first came out I was bummed because I had no one to play it with. Now, years later, I have people to play it with, but no one wants to play it anymore.When AmongUs first came out I was bummed because I had no one to play it with. Now, years later, I have people to play it with, but no one wants to play it anymore.
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Comment on Tildes Survey #2: What country do you live in? (Results) in ~talk
chewonbananas LinkI suspect not a lot of fellow tilderinos from Croatia or former Yugoslavia.I suspect not a lot of fellow tilderinos from Croatia or former Yugoslavia.
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Comment on Which Linux distro do you use, and why? in ~tech
chewonbananas LinkLinux Mint Xfce on my main computer. Cachy OS on the new gaming setup.Linux Mint Xfce on my main computer. Cachy OS on the new gaming setup.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
chewonbananas (edited )LinkTad Williams - To Green Angel Tower. I'm thinking of buying his newer novels too. Update: on part 2 right now. The books are at my parents' place so whenever I visit I read a couple of hundred pages.Tad Williams - To Green Angel Tower. I'm thinking of buying his newer novels too.
Update: on part 2 right now. The books are at my parents' place so whenever I visit I read a couple of hundred pages.
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Comment on Does anyone play older versions of Minecraft? in ~games
chewonbananas LinkMy forever singleplayer world (9 years and counting) was stuck on 1.12.2 (aka the silver age of minecraft for a long time) and is now stuck on 1.17.1 (i call it the bronze age of minecraft). I...My forever singleplayer world (9 years and counting) was stuck on 1.12.2 (aka the silver age of minecraft for a long time) and is now stuck on 1.17.1 (i call it the bronze age of minecraft). I don't want to update it past that point as it is, at this point, a memorial to my past and keeping it in those older version makes every revisit a "going back home experience". So, I very much prefer older versions as they have that limitlessness of minimalism whereas newer versions feel bloated and unnecessary in their features.
That being said, I do play on a server running the latest version, but I still use the old Programmer Art texture pack and refrain from using a bunch of the newer features in my own "old man yells at a cloud" fashion. A lot can still be done with old features.
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Comment on Kal-El – Juggernaut (2025) in ~music
chewonbananas LinkI love sludge; stoner metal. Thanks!I love sludge; stoner metal. Thanks!
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Comment on Are you a morning person or a night owl? in ~talk
chewonbananas LinkNeither. I'm a limbo guy.Neither. I'm a limbo guy.
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Comment on Magical stones from the mall! in ~talk
chewonbananas LinkJust don't go on any oceanic flights without your walkman.Just don't go on any oceanic flights without your walkman.
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Comment on Legacy sequels and remakes you think were actually good and worth making? in ~movies
chewonbananas Link ParentTron Uprising?Tron Uprising?
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Comment on Swedish heavy metal band Avatar cancel London concert mid-performance after the stage at Exhibition White City became electrified, shocking two crew members in ~music
chewonbananas Link ParentI guess the whole show was an...electrifying experience.I guess the whole show was an...electrifying experience.
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Comment on I switched my gaming PC to Linux, and this time I think it's for good in ~comp
chewonbananas Link ParentKohan Ahriman's Gift, which is a RTS game from the early 2000s (strangely available on Steam), runs miles better on linux than it did on Windows 10. I was amazed at the performance.Kohan Ahriman's Gift, which is a RTS game from the early 2000s (strangely available on Steam), runs miles better on linux than it did on Windows 10. I was amazed at the performance.
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Comment on Tesla 'Robotaxi' status check eight months in: a complete joke in ~transport
chewonbananas Link ParentLong story short: Croatian electric automaker Rimac promised to build a fleet of robotaxis that would transport people around the capital of Croatia. Hundreds of millions of euros stemming from...Long story short: Croatian electric automaker Rimac promised to build a fleet of robotaxis that would transport people around the capital of Croatia. Hundreds of millions of euros stemming from both the taxpayers and EU funds have been pumped into the project that has so far had one failed presentation where the car in question was operated by a guy with a joystick.
Time for the nosleep classics like woman holding an orange and Borrasca.