arqalite's recent activity
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Comment on Bun has been rewritten in Rust in ~comp
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Comment on Bun has been rewritten in Rust in ~comp
arqalite LinkIt doesn't load on my end - but like, what's the point of this rewrite? Is Bun so slow that Rust was needed here? Did it provide a measurable performance improvement? I had the impression that Bun...It doesn't load on my end - but like, what's the point of this rewrite?
Is Bun so slow that Rust was needed here? Did it provide a measurable performance improvement? I had the impression that Bun is the faster of the JS tools.
I am genuinely in love with Rust, so the more big projects in it the better, but I'm also a practical person, and rewrites are not always the best idea, unless the architecture was flawed or the stack was just so awful.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentI'm considering that too, but taking all my other patterns into account, I find it hard to think it's anxiety. That said, they are co-morbid, so who knows at this point. Could be one, could be both.I'm considering that too, but taking all my other patterns into account, I find it hard to think it's anxiety.
That said, they are co-morbid, so who knows at this point. Could be one, could be both.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentI'll try it the next time I see a psychiatrist (god, I have to search for that too, besides the test, and a local psychologist to see for therapy. Baby steps, though.) Thank you!I'll try it the next time I see a psychiatrist (god, I have to search for that too, besides the test, and a local psychologist to see for therapy. Baby steps, though.)
Thank you!
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentNo worries about that, and thanks for the support!No worries about that, and thanks for the support!
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentI've heard that ADHD tests are frustrating on purpose, to observe how you deal with that - seemingly the DIVA-5 repeats questions a lot just to give the interviewer time to observe you, your...I've heard that ADHD tests are frustrating on purpose, to observe how you deal with that - seemingly the DIVA-5 repeats questions a lot just to give the interviewer time to observe you, your mannerisms, and your attention span.
I'm really curious how it'll go, I just hope I don't end up masking, or worse, lying, to get through it more easily.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentThe average Romanian mentality towards mental health is "uh, just be normal like everyone else?" unfortunately. So I'm definitely fighting against the current just by pursuing the DIVA-5 so...The average Romanian mentality towards mental health is "uh, just be normal like everyone else?" unfortunately.
So I'm definitely fighting against the current just by pursuing the DIVA-5 so insistently.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentYeah, I have found someone qualified to do the test, for 125 euro, in Bucharest. It's a 2 hour train ride but it just might be worth it.Yeah, I have found someone qualified to do the test, for 125 euro, in Bucharest. It's a 2 hour train ride but it just might be worth it.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentHope it goes well for you! Feel free to reach out if you want to talk about it later.Hope it goes well for you! Feel free to reach out if you want to talk about it later.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentI think I may have seemed too outgoing and carefree in both sessions, and maybe the way I described my symptoms made them sound less serious than they are? I dunno. Masking is something I do quite...I think I may have seemed too outgoing and carefree in both sessions, and maybe the way I described my symptoms made them sound less serious than they are? I dunno.
Masking is something I do quite a lot, unfortunately.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentI identify as male - sorry for the confusion, the anecdote was based on a friend's frustrating experience, and I can now somewhat relate to it. The fact that doctors dismiss women's health so...I identify as male - sorry for the confusion, the anecdote was based on a friend's frustrating experience, and I can now somewhat relate to it.
The fact that doctors dismiss women's health so easily is outrageous and finally being subjected to the same treatment feels awful.
Also, I now realize I may have masked my way through both interactions by being much more outgoing and carefree than I usually am, in my attempt to be an open book. Has that clouded their judgment? I'll bring that up for the DIVA-5, seems like a good idea.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentI will have to explore the GP route as well; I have avoided that until now because I first need to move my file to a local GP (as it's still in the town I grew up in) which takes some time. Also...I will have to explore the GP route as well; I have avoided that until now because I first need to move my file to a local GP (as it's still in the town I grew up in) which takes some time.
Also my employer pays for private health coverage so I opted for that in hopes of getting better expertise - as you can see that turned out wonderfully.
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Comment on Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist? in ~health.mental
arqalite Link ParentLooking back, I may have shot myself in the foot by not being able to recall much from my childhood. I should ask my mom about it. Additionally, during the DIVA-5 the interviewer can ask me to...Looking back, I may have shot myself in the foot by not being able to recall much from my childhood.
I should ask my mom about it. Additionally, during the DIVA-5 the interviewer can ask me to reach out to a trusted person that knew me as a kid, so preparing her for that isn't a bad idea.
That said, I certainly don't want just medication, I'd also like to find a medic/therapist that gets me and is willing to work with me besides just giving me prescriptions.
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Why is it so hard to get an ADHD diagnosis? How do you find a good psychologist?
(warning and TL;DR : long and kinda ranty - I do want advice but this also ended up being me venting about my frustrations with two separate medical professionals) I've suspected most of my adult...
(warning and TL;DR : long and kinda ranty - I do want advice but this also ended up being me venting about my frustrations with two separate medical professionals)
I've suspected most of my adult life that I have some form of ADHD; some mornings I face debilitating initiation paralysis that causes me to be up to 2 hours late for work; I forget conversations happened and my mind is in a constant jumble of starting 5 tasks and finishing neither; sometimes I hyperfocus and sometimes I lack any focus - seemingly at random - and other tiny tidbits that upon a cursory glance through medical material, scream ADHD to me.
I've learned to cope with most of it, and thankfully I have a pretty chill job that lets me be flexible with my schedule without issues, but when you look at everything in context, it's pretty clear that my quality of life could be so much better if I sought professional guidance and medical attention.
So I did just that; went to my clinic, scheduled an appointment with a psychologist, and I dragged myself there.
I did my best to be objective and factual about my behavior, I made notes of stuff I did and symptoms I experienced over the course of a week, and answered every question as openly as possible, and yet everything felt wrong.
The psychologist didn't see ADHD in me, and instead chose to pursue my childhood and familial history, narrowing down on signs of anxiety. That felt viscerally incorrect to me, as it didn't reflect how I perceive my behavior. The way I understand anxiety doesn't align with how I think and behave. I don't worry about things when I am stuck in bed - I am pleading with my body to let me move so I can do the things I enjoy. I don't dread going to work - I want to go to work, and my brain says no. That is not anxiety, no matter how you frame it; at best, any signs of anxiety I may have are a byproduct of my struggles with executive dysfunction.
At the end of the session she recommended I return for a few more sessions so we can build a proper profile of my background and identify what we need to work through. But before that, she mentioned I could also see a psychiatrist, and ask them to refer me to her so the sessions could be paid for by national healthcare (I'm Romanian, for context).
So I did that, booked an appointment with a psychiatrist that seemed alright, and I basically hit the same brick wall I did before. My issues aren't neurological, they're behavioural - and I just need some counseling and discipline. And my inability to make my body move in the mornings could be just a sleep hygiene issue.
You've all heard or read about women having debilitating period pain and just being told to drink water or eat healthier or maybe go for walks more often, right? This felt like that; I'm facing a clear disconnect between my brain and my body, I have my daily life disrupted by things that are 100% out of my control, but apparently I just need discipline and better sleep. I don't buy it, as much as I want to.
I got so frustrated during the session that I started involuntarily masking and going along with the motions just to have it over. Internally I was on the verge of tears but I put a pretty smile on and left the room upbeat. That is not normal. I need help.
But they just don't seem inclined to want to offer it. I am a firm believer of Occam's razor but the psychiatrist's conclusion didn't feel like the simplest one - it felt like a massive oversimplification.
I did get a recommendation to take the DIVA-5 test (because neither of them were qualified to do it) so now I'm searching for a psychologist that is certified (which are rare, and pricey, from what I can see).
But until then, I just feel disappointed, misunderstood, and honestly quite angry. I asked for help and was given what amounts to scraps. My lived experiences were invalidated in front of me, in the places that were supposed to validate them and guide me towards finding an understanding of my behaviors and my mental health, twice in a row.
Those of you who got diagnosed, how many tries did it take? Is this the norm, just hopping from clinician to clinician until you find one that clicks and feels right? Or did I get massively unlucky?
Also, has anyone else taken the DIVA-5? How did it go for you?
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Comment on Tildes Survey #3: What country were you born in? (Results) in ~talk
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Comment on Tildes Survey #4: What languages can you speak? in ~talk
arqalite LinkRomanian as my native language, and very fluent in English. I do know bits and bobs of French and Italian, and because of that I can generally stumble my way through any Romance language, but I...Romanian as my native language, and very fluent in English.
I do know bits and bobs of French and Italian, and because of that I can generally stumble my way through any Romance language, but I would not consider myself conversationalist in either of them.
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Comment on The Stephen Colbert exit interview: “I did not expect it to end this way” in ~tv
arqalite Link ParentHe tried so hard to be moderate with this statement that he went the other way and probably annoyed everyone.He tried so hard to be moderate with this statement that he went the other way and probably annoyed everyone.
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Comment on What's something that you missed out on? in ~talk
arqalite Link ParentFor sure, while my original comment is quite bleak, I never intended to mean that I was giving up or that I'm running out of time. I'm still going at my own pace, making a beat or two when the...For sure, while my original comment is quite bleak, I never intended to mean that I was giving up or that I'm running out of time. I'm still going at my own pace, making a beat or two when the feeling is right, writing something in notes whenever the muse comes, etc.
Ira Glass's quote is something I hold dear and I've drilled into myself the notion that, at this phase in my creative journey, quantity is infinitely better than quality. I prevent myself from spending weeks on the same song because I'd rather flex all my creative muscles repeatedly instead of just tweaking some drums until I can't distinguish good from bad anymore. This way, I make sure I constantly progress, albeit slowly.
Right now the biggest challenge is getting myself into a creative routine that allows me to make art often enough to be satisfied - as mentioned before I tend to pour myself into 1-2 weeks of creative work and then check out mentally for up to a few months in the worst cases. Hoping to unravel this out in therapy soon, but I just barely started so it'll take a while. Slow and steady.
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Comment on Ars Asks: Share your shell and show us your tricked-out terminals in ~comp
arqalite LinkI'm a default Bash and PowerShell guy. I always like the idea of customizing my shell, but none of the changes ever stick, so I stopped bothering over time. Defaults are also sufficiently...I'm a default Bash and PowerShell guy. I always like the idea of customizing my shell, but none of the changes ever stick, so I stopped bothering over time.
Defaults are also sufficiently productive for my needs and I've felt like the gains from configuring stuff are never worth the effort, but that is my personal experience.
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Comment on What's something that you missed out on? in ~talk
arqalite LinkI missed out on chasing my creative hobbies during my formative years in favor of my career and various forms of entertainment, and now I'm a jack of all trades, master of none, and that feels...I missed out on chasing my creative hobbies during my formative years in favor of my career and various forms of entertainment, and now I'm a jack of all trades, master of none, and that feels frustrating.
Now that I've been in the workforce for a few years, free time isn't as abundant as it once was. I now have to pick what I spend it on, and between my personal programming projects, Yu-Gi-Oh! and hanging out with my friends and partner, there's little time for everything else.
I always wanted to be an artist in some manner, be it writing or music - since I was a kid, I engaged in these in various amounts, but after short stints I would always move on to something else and I just couldn't physically make myself go back to them until I had a lengthy break. (I have since learned this can be symptoms of ADHD and am working with a psychologist to get assessment and treatment.)
So now I'm 26, a very skilled software developer, but a mid musician and a mid writer.
I'm still engaging in these hobbies ever-so-often, but the quality of my work is still far lower than my standards, and I can't help but feel like I wasted time; if I spent more time on these as a teen, by now I could have been so much better, maybe even have the courage to try entering the industry.
Thankfully, it's never too late, and as long as I persevere, one day I'll make something great. But I still can't help but feel melancholic about what could have been.
Ah, okay, in retrospect that makes sense for a JS runtime. If Zig & C++ cause that much trouble for them then it's a worthwhile effort.
That said I do believe they could have done an incremental rewrite instead of just converting it all at once, but if the test suite is as robust as they claim (haven't checked it myself) then maybe it is fine, alongside a proper beta test phase.