cadeje's recent activity
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Comment on Struggling with first dev job - seeking advice in ~tech
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Comment on Struggling with first dev job - seeking advice in ~tech
cadeje Link ParentYeah, having a morning ritual has been incredibly helpful. I started taking walks every day in the morning, and I try to remember to take walks in the middle of the day, just for clarity. I think...Yeah, having a morning ritual has been incredibly helpful. I started taking walks every day in the morning, and I try to remember to take walks in the middle of the day, just for clarity. I think without them I'd be completely burnt out by now.
I live in just one room basically and working without two monitors (and my good chair) is pretty rough, so I don't think the library is much of an option sadly. Having a specific work area is a big priority for me whenever I move, though.
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Comment on Struggling with first dev job - seeking advice in ~tech
cadeje Link ParentYeaaah, I'm also just susceptible to paranoia about things. I always try to think of every way a situation could go wrong, which is probably not the worst quality to have in a programmer. But it...Yeaaah, I'm also just susceptible to paranoia about things. I always try to think of every way a situation could go wrong, which is probably not the worst quality to have in a programmer. But it also gets out of hand when I just feel like something is smelly with my code but can't figure out how to make it better, and I find myself obsessing over it. It also gets out of hand when you're working with a system where things already go wrong all the time.
I think I do have a general problem of feeling responsible over everything that happens in my field of view, and that's something I need to work on somehow. Management has made it clear that they're giving me room to learn and make mistakes, but those mistakes can still hurt the actual company and have caused people problems. It's hard not to feel the weight of responsibility when I see the consequences of tiny oversights. I had a whole set of pipelines silently break for days because I forgot to set a specific parameter in a single line of code.
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Comment on Struggling with first dev job - seeking advice in ~tech
cadeje Link ParentI'm definitely weighing my options. At this point, I need to stick it out for a while longer so I can at least move to an area that has jobs. On the brighter side I'm learning a million things at...I'm definitely weighing my options. At this point, I need to stick it out for a while longer so I can at least move to an area that has jobs. On the brighter side I'm learning a million things at a breakneck pace, so this is valuable experience.
I've mentioned my worries with being the sole dev on this end, and they've indicated that they might hire another person, but it's kinda up in the air. I get the sense I'm all they can afford for the time being.
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Comment on Struggling with first dev job - seeking advice in ~tech
cadeje Link ParentThanks so much. I'm trying to take it a little easier, but I'm generally an anxious person so it's hard. I'm trying to set things up so I can leave work at work and sleep better, but the nature of...Thanks so much. I'm trying to take it a little easier, but I'm generally an anxious person so it's hard. I'm trying to set things up so I can leave work at work and sleep better, but the nature of the company is very... tense, to say the least. Additionally, the fact that it's remote makes it even harder to step away mentally.
My last mistake was a fairly large one that was caused partly because I would "test" things by physically looking stuff over instead of having an actual test. Lesson learned. I'm spinning it into an opportunity to really dig into learning how to do unit tests, integrations tests, etc. I figure that would be a decent way to help myself be less worried about things failing.
I should probably pick up meditation too while I'm at it lol.
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Struggling with first dev job - seeking advice
This is my cry for help. I'm a newer programmer who just got hired for my first actual programming job a few months ago. Before now the only things I really made were simple python scripts that...
This is my cry for help.
I'm a newer programmer who just got hired for my first actual programming job a few months ago. Before now the only things I really made were simple python scripts that handled database operations at my last job. I live in an area with no opportunities, and so this new job I got is my saving grace at this point. For the first time in my life I can have actual savings and can actually work on moving to an area with opportunities. However...
Everything is falling apart. I have no idea how this place has survived this long. There is no senior dev for me to go to. There are no code reviews. There is no QA. There is a spiderweb of pipelines with zero error handling or data-checking. Bugs are frequent and go undetected. The database has no keys or constraints, and was designed by a madman (so it's definitely not normalized whatsoever). I already have made a bunch of little scripts handling data-parsing tasks that are used in prod, and I've had to learn proper logging and notifications on errors along the way, and have still yet to learn how to do real tests (I ordered a book on pytest that I plan on going through). I am so paranoid that at any moment something I made does something unexpected and destroys things (which... kinda actually happened already).
We're in the long and arduous process of moving away from this terrible system to a newer, better-designed one but I'm already just so lost and... lonely? There's a few separate dev "teams" but one is outsourced and the other is infamously unapproachable and works on a completely different domain. There's no one there to catch me if/when I make mistakes except myself. The paranoia I have over my programs is really getting to me and already affecting my health.
I guess I just want advice on what I should do in this situation. Is this a normal first experience? I care deeply about making sure the things I make are good and functional but I also don't have the experience to forsee potential issues that may come up due to how I'm designing things. And how can I cope with the paranoia I'm feeling?
EDIT: It takes me a while to write responses, but I want everyone to know that I really appreciate all your advice and kind words. It does mean a lot to me! I'm doing my best to take in what everyone has said and am working on making the best of an atypical situation. I'm chronically hard on myself, but I'm gonna try to give myself a bit more grace here. Again, thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies from everyone. :)
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Comment on The timing of fireworks-caused wildfire ignitions during the 4th of July holiday season in ~enviro
cadeje Link ParentA lot of people go to tribal land to get the bigger, badder fireworks, since there's a lot of places that have laws against selling them. Around here I know I'm driving through tribal land once I...A lot of people go to tribal land to get the bigger, badder fireworks, since there's a lot of places that have laws against selling them. Around here I know I'm driving through tribal land once I hit the big fireworks stores. I have to imagine this is why.
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Comment on What is it like to have both ADHD and autism? in ~health.mental
cadeje Link ParentI have a similar thing with certain textures. I have some wooden cooking utensils that seem low quality and probably need to be sanded, and the simple act of touching them gives me just the worst...The way smells and sounds and things touching me can suddenly be impossible to ignore, especially when I'm feeling stressed. The way something as trivial as a new handwash soap scent will make my mood murderous for a full week because I cannot stop smelling it.
I have a similar thing with certain textures. I have some wooden cooking utensils that seem low quality and probably need to be sanded, and the simple act of touching them gives me just the worst feelings. It reminds me of someone tickling you so much that you're in pain.
Before I realized I was autistic, I would try to power through it. Not sure why... maybe just to prove I could? Maybe I was mad that it was bothering me. It was horrible. I would try to explain it to friends and no one understood it. I just thought I was crazy for the longest time. Whenever I figured out this was because I'm autistic, I immediately stopped feeling bad about it.
I'm just annoyed that it took me this long to figure it out lol
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Comment on What is it like to have both ADHD and autism? in ~health.mental
cadeje (edited )LinkDisclaimer: I have no official diagnoses. I do have doctors, therapists, family, and friends who agree that I likely am ADHD and Autistic. I have also researched the subject to death. I am almost...Disclaimer: I have no official diagnoses. I do have doctors, therapists, family, and friends who agree that I likely am ADHD and Autistic. I have also researched the subject to death. I am almost entirely certain I am AuDHD. At the moment I can't afford a diagnosis, though.
To me, having both means having a variety of brain-weirdness that often conflicts with eachother. It's very frustrating. Since they're often considered to be a bit of a spectrum with each other, it's often difficult to figure out where the ADHD ends and the Autism begins. Or even if that's a thing.
Random, unordered set of things I deal with that I believe are related to my neurodivergence:
- My interests change rapidly, though I still have a "special interest" that has been with me for my entire life.
- I can't remember anything I don't have an interest in. Examples: names, pop culture, the location of all my pens.
- My brain will not shut up, no matter how much I plead for it to. I find it's hard to be present with people since it keeps going down random paths that I can't control.
- I self medicate with caffeine, which does seem to work, although it doesn't seem super sustainable.
- I get overstimulated easily. I have had meltdowns in the grocery store.
- I can't transition to different tasks without a decent cool-down period.
- I get severely upset when a plan I've made falls through. Example: I once went and got an iced coffee, and then told myself I will enjoy it once I clean up my work area. I accidentally knocked the cup off the table as I was cleaning, and got so incoherently upset that my partner went and got me a new one.
- Waiting mode is a thing. If I have an appointment at 3pm, I am watching the clock every other minute. I think this is because I have no sense of time, and so I'm scared that if I stop thinking about the appointment it will disappear from my brain and I'll miss it.
Here are some nicer traits I enjoy:
- I can focus on things I'm interested in for an incredible amount of time. I can enter "flow" very easily (though being pulled away from the task makes me very angry)
- I am the ultimate brainstormer. I can think of every possibility to an issue in record time.
- My brain is super malleable and squishy. While I do get stubborn on certain processes, I can puzzle solve like a motherfucker. I'll actually get impatient with a lot of people when I can see the problem immediately and they can't. I hide it best I can though, haha.
- I can pick up new skills and become good at them so dang fast.
- Being different for my whole life has allowed me to approach other people who are different with greater empathy.
- Being AuDHD often feels like being a foreigner wherever you go. I personally enjoy and embrace this, and it leads to better interpersonal relationships because people don't have the same societal-box expectations for me. Wherever I go, people always can tell I'm from somewhere else. I like it.
What are your struggles and how do you deal with them?
As the saying goes, "if you've met one <neurodivergent> person, you've met one <neurodivergent> person". The things that work for me will almost certainly not work perfectly for anyone else. But, here are some things I do to manage my issues:
- Noise-cancelling headphones are the greatest thing to deal with sensory issues. My sensory overload stuff is almost entirely sound based. Whenever I go to a grocery store and feel like it'll be too much, I put these things on and now everything is fine.
- Tweaking my environment. So much can be fixed if your personal space is tweaked to meet your needs. Have related items close to eachother. Take off the doors to cupboards if you can. Try to declutter, and recognize when you clutter something without noticing, and make steps to improve the process (like adding a small trashcan closer to the area).
- Make lists about everything all the time always. It doesn't matter if you forgot about your first list, make another one. Make a smaller one. Use sticky notes. If I didn't write things I needed to do down or use sticky notes, I'd forget about so many important tasks. If there's a to-do app you can stick to, that works too.
- Use and abuse timers. Something that helps with waiting mode is setting timers, so I can breathe and trust in my device to tell me when I should start worrying.
Most of all, the best advice I can give is this:
- Self-acceptance
I mean, you don't have to like it. I don't like a lot of things about myself that I have to deal with. But it is what it is. I spent too much time and so much energy berating myself for things I didn't actually have control over. Do you know how embarrassing it is to cry and freak out over tiny things? Or to come home from the grocery store and sit on the floor of the kitchen, unable to speak out loud to your partner about what's going on? It made me feel like a child. It made me feel so small and stupid and all the things people tell you you are when you did those same things as a kid. The best thing I did for myself was to accept it. To recognize that this will happen, and it will happen again, and no amount of self-flagellation is going to make it better. To just say to yourself "well that sucked" and then move on.
Ultimately, I feel fine about myself and my brain. I am me. I don't know how to be anyone else, and I'd prefer to not be anyone else.
Sorry or you're welcome for the word vomit. Also, good luck on your journey. For the record, when I first started researching this, I thought that there was no way I was autistic or ADHD. And I dealt with impostor syndrome. I mean, I didn't struggle as much as I thought you're supposed to. It's pretty obvious to me now that I just couldn't see all the multitudes of struggles I did have. I assumed everyone else struggled with these things too, I was just uniquely bad at dealing with them.
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Comment on Hilary Cass: Weak evidence letting down children over gender care in ~lgbt
cadeje (edited )Link ParentYou yourself recognized that the last thread of this was "overwhelmingly negative about the NHS stopping prescribing Puberty Blockers". So, this post does feel like continuing a painful discussion...You yourself recognized that the last thread of this was "overwhelmingly negative about the NHS stopping prescribing Puberty Blockers". So, this post does feel like continuing a painful discussion that has already been had. If I were less charitable here on tildes, I would make the assumption that that was the intent. If that was not the intent, I would suggest you be more mindful in the future about what you choose to share in the tag, especially considering that you seem to also be a strong defender of a stance that many LGBTQ+ are negatively affected by.
EDIT: I want to make clear that my intention is not to be aggressive or judgemental towards you. Tone is hard for me.
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Comment on Hilary Cass: Weak evidence letting down children over gender care in ~lgbt
cadeje Link ParentI'm not a debatey person, and will probably not continue with this discussion as it's highly distressing to me, but I really want to hear you expand on this specific point.For most young people, a medical pathway will not be the best way to manage their gender-related distress. For those young people for whom a medical pathway is clinically indicated, it is not enough to provide this without also addressing wider mental health and/or psychosocially challenging problems.
I'm not a debatey person, and will probably not continue with this discussion as it's highly distressing to me, but I really want to hear you expand on this specific point.
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Comment on Researcher calls out misuse of research in book on American white rural rage - suggests resentment over rage in ~society
cadeje Link ParentAin't that always the way. I think every place has that one region (or several) that you can look at and mock and feel superior towards. The stereotypes might not be exactly the same, but they...Ain't that always the way. I think every place has that one region (or several) that you can look at and mock and feel superior towards. The stereotypes might not be exactly the same, but they certainly rhyme.
A lot of what I'm seeing now is richer folk moving in because living is cheap. Prices are rising even more, and no one can afford it. Cash advances are on every corner. And these are the same people who mock the local culture relentlessly. The whole thing is... it leaves a sour taste. I wonder how much of the local culture will even be left years down the line.
This is sort of why, while I'm not necessarily for the U.S. electoral college, I understand why many want it. Land shouldn't vote, sure, but when the majority of the population is in the city and pass laws, will they think about how it might affect rural folk? When the people who decide the election are only city folk, will politicians even campaign here?
I'm hopeful that more lines of communication between these people will open up. I hope for a culture of stronger empathy and solidarity. And I hope people stop making fun of accents for once (it's not funny y'all).
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Comment on Researcher calls out misuse of research in book on American white rural rage - suggests resentment over rage in ~society
cadeje Link ParentI have not, but now I have it added to my reading list. This looks like the kind of thing I'd love to look more into. Thanks! For the record, I'm not originally from here. I came from a place that...I have not, but now I have it added to my reading list. This looks like the kind of thing I'd love to look more into. Thanks!
For the record, I'm not originally from here. I came from a place that looks down on places like this, so when I moved, it was a bit of a culture shock. The area is complicated, but I've developed a love for the nature and many of the people. It's really the most misunderstood region in America by far (in my opinion).
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Comment on Researcher calls out misuse of research in book on American white rural rage - suggests resentment over rage in ~society
cadeje Link(It's hard for me to post things because I always feel like I'm not explaining things well enough, and open myself up to hostility. So this is very hard to write. Please be kind.) Just yesterday I...- Exemplary
(It's hard for me to post things because I always feel like I'm not explaining things well enough, and open myself up to hostility. So this is very hard to write. Please be kind.)
Just yesterday I watched a documentary called Hillbilly, which focuses on the struggles of Appalachia, with a focus on media representation. I currently live in Appalachia. It gives you a certain perspective on the feelings and struggles of people who have voted for Trump, who are generally "Republican". And I put that in quotes because if you get down to it, if you talk to people from around here, most have a strong foundational sense on class division. The Republican party has done an excellent job love-bombing these people and then exploiting them. The Democratic party has done an excellent job deriding these people, furthering stereotypes that they live and die by.
If you talk to people from around here, you start understanding that they constantly fight against shame. People from outside this area swing back and forth between pity and hate for the region. The dominant story is of poor and simple folk. My friends around here try so hard to hide their accents, because the moment they talk to anyone outside the region, they're met with condescension. Maybe, if you work hard and do well in school, you can get out. Parents and teachers will tell this to kids. This place is drowning in shame.
So when someone like Trump or a right-wing talking head goes on about how these people are actually great, how they built America, how they've been stomped on by everyone else, they are speaking to the self-loathing that a lot of them have. They are telling them things that people rarely tell them, especially not themselves.
The region has such a rich and important history. The coal miner unions are responsible for many of the labor rights we enjoy today, and they went to war for them. And yet, the mountains have been carved out by coal companies, whose riches have never went to the people who worked and died for them. Towns have been decimated by floods, waters have been poisoned... It makes sense why people here are distrustful of a government that has largely ignored them. It is not hard to see why these people largely voted "against their best interests".
I don't really know how to wrap up my thoughts here. But, personally, I've long been tired of the way Appalachia is talked about. I just wish people's reaction to red states be more nuanced. Instead of labeling everyone from around here as "undesirables", I wish people took the time to listen, and empathize. Just a little. People are people. I don't think writing off entire regions based on an election is in any way right or deserved.
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Comment on Trans men enter Miss Italy pageant in droves after trans women are told they can’t compete in ~lgbt
cadeje Link ParentOh, absolutely! (I didnt think you were trying to do that at all either) It's just something I've been annoyed with recently because it seems like an environment has been cultivated where a lot of...Oh, absolutely! (I didnt think you were trying to do that at all either)
It's just something I've been annoyed with recently because it seems like an environment has been cultivated where a lot of people are just trying to clock everyone else. It's very exhausting and weighs on the brain.
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Comment on Why it’s time to stop worrying about the decline of the English language in ~humanities.languages
cadeje Link ParentIf you want to see a linguist's take on "aks" vs "ask", this 9 minute video is fantastic. Long story short, "aks" is much, much older than people generally realise, dating back to the middle ages....If you want to see a linguist's take on "aks" vs "ask", this 9 minute video is fantastic. Long story short, "aks" is much, much older than people generally realise, dating back to the middle ages.
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Comment on Who are your go to modern or forgotten folk artists, or acoustic artists? in ~music
cadeje LinkDanny Schmidt is an incredible songwriter in my opinion, and it's a crime he's not more well known. This Too Shall Pass is a song close to my heart. It was also featured on an episode of Welcome...Danny Schmidt is an incredible songwriter in my opinion, and it's a crime he's not more well known. This Too Shall Pass is a song close to my heart. It was also featured on an episode of Welcome to Night Vale, so if it sounds familiar to you, I'd bet that's why.
Also give a listen to Stained Glass and Company of Friends.
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Comment on Is keeping Donald Trump in the 2024 US election beneficial to Democrats? in ~talk
cadeje LinkAs someone who used to be very concerned about DeSantis running (and still sort of is, just because he's just that deranged), I have come around to the fact that DeSantis doesn't have a sliver of...As someone who used to be very concerned about DeSantis running (and still sort of is, just because he's just that deranged), I have come around to the fact that DeSantis doesn't have a sliver of the personality that Trump has that made him so dangerous. He's (a) not funny at all and (b) goes on about the "woke" left so much it's making his own constituents tired. Despite coverage of the guy, he doesn't seem nearly as popular and certainly does not have the cult following Trump does.
I'm personally of the opinion that Trump is probably one of the hardest candidates to beat because of the religious fervor around him.
Thanks so much for the advice. That first bulletpoint especially is something I will definitely make myself do. I don't know what it is, but I find myself taking responsibility for everything when I know better and am incredibly self-aware about it.
Okay, this is something that I think I should've covered more, and is probably a big culprit to my mental state. Everyone I work with is stressed out and overwhelmed. It's the company culture at this point, and it's hard to force myself to be zen and step away from that. I remember when I started I approached everything as an outsider so I felt a lot more at peace with things, but now that I'm more embedded in the process, it's been getting to me. Though, this job has been very character-building haha.
I really appreciate your offering to help, and I think I may take you up on that. I got into this field later than I would have liked, so I don't have the benefit of knowing other devs. I thought about joining programmer communities, but I honestly don't really have the mental bandwidth for fast-paced chatrooms anymore, and the prevalent online programmer "culture" is uh... not for me.
Again, thank you so much for the advice! :)