What is it like to have both ADHD and autism?
I've been doing a lot of work with my therapist and it has been suggested that I might have a mix of both Autism and ADHD.
I have always related to Autism to a certain extent but I would never say it because I felt like I didn't really fit because some things I do don't make sense it that context. I was also obsessed with learning to be human since young and have a lot of systems to deal with it and apparently that means I've been masking for a very long time.
But my therapist also brought up ADHD and that has explained a lot about some the things I'm still currently struggling with. But again, when I look it up, I don't feel like I fully fit. But also, I have developed a lot of systems over the years to deal with my issues and function like a normal human being. So a lot of the things I struggle with is hidden because I've "fixed" them.
I'm still reluctant to say I have either of those two things because I feel like an imposter. So I've just settled on Neurodivergent and think that I can always learn the tools that help people with ADHD even if I don't have it. Because if the tools work for you, then why not?
But my therapist has suggested getting diagnosed because it does change what kind of medication you might get. I'm currently on medication for anxiety and depression.
So now I'm wondering how common it is to have a mix of both ADHD and Autism. For those who have both, what is it like for you? What is your daily life like? What are your struggles and how do you deal with them? When did you realise you might have a mix of both? How do you feel about yourself and your brain?
I apologize if this isn't the right place to ask this. I don't post very often and am getting used to it.
Disclaimer: I have no official diagnoses. I do have doctors, therapists, family, and friends who agree that I likely am ADHD and Autistic. I have also researched the subject to death. I am almost entirely certain I am AuDHD. At the moment I can't afford a diagnosis, though.
To me, having both means having a variety of brain-weirdness that often conflicts with eachother. It's very frustrating. Since they're often considered to be a bit of a spectrum with each other, it's often difficult to figure out where the ADHD ends and the Autism begins. Or even if that's a thing.
Random, unordered set of things I deal with that I believe are related to my neurodivergence:
Here are some nicer traits I enjoy:
As the saying goes, "if you've met one <neurodivergent> person, you've met one <neurodivergent> person". The things that work for me will almost certainly not work perfectly for anyone else. But, here are some things I do to manage my issues:
Most of all, the best advice I can give is this:
I mean, you don't have to like it. I don't like a lot of things about myself that I have to deal with. But it is what it is. I spent too much time and so much energy berating myself for things I didn't actually have control over. Do you know how embarrassing it is to cry and freak out over tiny things? Or to come home from the grocery store and sit on the floor of the kitchen, unable to speak out loud to your partner about what's going on? It made me feel like a child. It made me feel so small and stupid and all the things people tell you you are when you did those same things as a kid. The best thing I did for myself was to accept it. To recognize that this will happen, and it will happen again, and no amount of self-flagellation is going to make it better. To just say to yourself "well that sucked" and then move on.
Ultimately, I feel fine about myself and my brain. I am me. I don't know how to be anyone else, and I'd prefer to not be anyone else.
Sorry or you're welcome for the word vomit. Also, good luck on your journey. For the record, when I first started researching this, I thought that there was no way I was autistic or ADHD. And I dealt with impostor syndrome. I mean, I didn't struggle as much as I thought you're supposed to. It's pretty obvious to me now that I just couldn't see all the multitudes of struggles I did have. I assumed everyone else struggled with these things too, I was just uniquely bad at dealing with them.
Autism-only haver here, replying to emphasize this extremely good point:
I only recently got nudged with the suggestion to get diagnosed, and while I haven't and won't1, it was very easy to go from "autistic? Who, me? (nervous laughter)" to "yeah, that's me" because it explained so much. The 30-minute cooldown where I have to sit and do next to nothing after finishing some tasks. The way smells and sounds and things touching me can suddenly be impossible to ignore, especially when I'm feeling stressed. The way something as trivial as a new handwash soap scent will make my mood murderous for a full week because I cannot stop smelling it.
Knowing and accepting the reason why my brain needs to be wrestled with recontextualized the problems I'd been having in a way that feels easier to cope with. It hasn't made everything perfect but it is easier to win fights to give myself space and compassion when I know the traits and problems I'm struggling with can't just be brushed off/ignored/powered through without creating more problems.
1Like other commenters, I think an ADHD diagnosis in most countries is much more useful and less likely to be harmful to most people who have it. It'll ideally let you get drugs that make it easier to function. In the US an Autism diagnosis is, afaict, harder to get and won't do much to improve your life without additional tussles with the disability system.
I have a similar thing with certain textures. I have some wooden cooking utensils that seem low quality and probably need to be sanded, and the simple act of touching them gives me just the worst feelings. It reminds me of someone tickling you so much that you're in pain.
Before I realized I was autistic, I would try to power through it. Not sure why... maybe just to prove I could? Maybe I was mad that it was bothering me. It was horrible. I would try to explain it to friends and no one understood it. I just thought I was crazy for the longest time. Whenever I figured out this was because I'm autistic, I immediately stopped feeling bad about it.
I'm just annoyed that it took me this long to figure it out lol
ADHD only here. I don’t have many sensory issues (although shirt tags drive me up the wall). Your experience with the wooden spoons is a perfect example of the internalized ablism that so many neurodivergent people have, myself included. I can’t think of any great examples right now (guess what, ADHD makes remembering things hard). I would do things because they shouldn’t be difficult for me. After I got my diagnosis, I was able to realize that those things would always be difficult. Once I accepted that I didn’t need them to be easy, I was able to find workarounds that actually do make them easy.
Actually I just thought of an example: trying to remember things (oh the irony). Pre-diagnosis, I would try to remember things because it “should be easy” or “I can’t forget that”. Of course I would forget. Now I don’t even try. If I want to remember, it gets written down immediately. If not, I excise it from my brain. Somehow I am now better at remembering things than before, even if I don’t write it down.
I think there's an extra cognitive load that shackles our brains when trying to fight it in these scenarios tbh. Maybe because we're also running the "I failed again 😞" program alongside whatever process is causing trouble that we don't want to admit we can't just power through.
This exact thing is happening to me so much this year. I mean I have texture issues too, won the anti-jeans war and various other battles with myself a long time ago, but there's still little things like you described that keep popping up.
I feel like if I could only send a single message to kid!me and have them fully understand it, it'd be "shit that rubs you the wrong way is totally fine to avoid". So much of my life and my time lost in bullshit struggles to prove I'm powerful (?) enough to wear an itchy woolen sock (or similar annoying audio/textural alternative).
It's not like there aren't some things you can/should get used to, or try to set up in a way that doesn't hurt your brain as much, but. I think of my past self and I'm like, "they're just socks! They are not the only sock!!!"
If I don't do this, anything that's behind a door or in a cupboard (and not in the kitchen of my parents' house) may as well have been tossed in a landfill. I must've never fully mastered object permanence. Out of sight, out of mind (no wonder I rarely maintain friendships when I move away).
I can keep tidy so long as I have plenty of extra space. The moment I have too much stuff in too little room, all hope of organization and tidiness is gone. It's the physical equivalent of a system running out of RAM and thrashing the swap sector. Once I hit that point, I need an empty staging room and an assistant (to ensure I stay on task instead of reading books I re-discovered) to restore balance.
Incredibly effective, when I remember to use them.
Holy crap, it's not just me. Also similar neuro spectrum: Asperger's / ADD. I, quite strongly, experience this.
Can I remember obscure technical details about the stuff that fascinates me? Yes! Stuff that isn't interesting to me? Well, whatever that was that I was supposed to make a note of 20 seconds ago hopefully wasn't critically important.
Oh, and Caffeine is also my go-to chemical crutch for being effective and productive.
ADHD and autism are definitely reasonably common together (though I personally only have ADHD myself).
Of the two, ADHD is the more useful one to get diagnosed with formally. It is basically required to get an ADHD diagnosis to legally get any of the options for ADHD medication, and ADHD medication has a phenomenal track record for improving ADHD symptoms -- way better than almost any other psychiatric medication on a statistical level. I can personally attest that taking my medication makes me more functional than otherwise, especially when it comes to tasks I'd otherwise find tedious or hard to focus on. An ADHD diagnosis is also fairly safe to get when it comes to discrimination -- it's not absent social stigma, but you're not likely to be denied things neurotypical people have access to as sometimes happens with an autism diagnosis. There's not much downside to getting an ADHD diagnosis imo.
I can't speak to personal experience with both, but I recommend looking for the tag "AuDHD" on social media for others sharing their experiences, as I've seen that tag being used by people with this combination of diagnoses. Autism and ADHD can often compensate for each other but can also conflict with each other in frustrating ways -- I wish you the absolute best.
I would add that you might want to avoid getting diagnosed with autism. Some medical providers will treat you differently, and can range from annoying to debilitating when you can't get the treatment you need.
I'm a bit the opposite, as I'm diagnosed and fully vibe with ADHD-PI. I am also suggested to be on the autism spectrum. Reading about it, it doesn't really feel like it fits. But it's a spectrum, so I guess it's possible.
Getting to your questions, it is pretty common to have both, and if you can I really recommend getting diagnosed.
For ADHD the medications can help a lot, though many get by without. It can also maybe contextualise some of that anxiety and depression symptoms. At least that's what I found.
I'm still healing, and we're looking if I don't have some trauma work that could help me, so I'm certainly not the end-all-be-all expert in this stuff hahah
Hi Hi. I have been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and Epilepsy. I have also been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, and a myriad of other things. Most of which were related to having AuDHD but not knowing it, since I was diagnosed at 47. And I only got the diagnosis because my exwife said I should get tested for Autism, I wasn't sure if she was just slinging mud. But rather than think about it and let it fuck with me, which is what I thought her intentions were, I got assessed. And at the last minute, I randomly added an ADHD assessment to the list. I never thought for a minute I had ADHD. But Aspberger's, I had heard that I probably have it before. I didn't know that had become part of Level 1 needs autism, and that aspergers isn't a diagnosis anymore.
I can't stand talking on the phone. I hate it. I can't read people without looking at them. And it's stressful, trying to pay attention on the phone. I can't do it worth a shit, I have no idea what people are saying a lot of the time unless I'm pacing.
I was the creepy guy growing up. And I was pissed when I found out, I was that guy, because I didn't understand personal space and stood too close to people. I took one step back and that pretty much ended me being a creep.
I also had it drilled into me as a kid that you look people in the eye when you talk to them. So I was mad when I found out that that's not exactly true and I had been staring people down all the time, instead of showing respect.
I mixed up depression and boredom for decades. And have been on various SSRI's that basically did nothing because the depression was really my brain screaming for me to mix things up and give it stimulation. But the autistic side of me finds comfort in routine, not always, but as a general rule. The problem being that becomes understimulating. And when my brain is understimulated I feel depressed. But when that becomes an ongoing thing, my brain becomes more sensitive to stimuli because it's so desperate for it. And as it becomes more sensitive to make up for the lack of new stimulus, I get anxiety. It's like slowly turning up the volume on a microphone, eventually there's just so make racket and feedback that you no longer can make sense of anything being said into it. And since anxiety makes it harder to experience new things, this makes both the depressed feeling and the anxiety much worse. And it is a horrible loop that cycles and feeds anxiety and depression, until I either lose it and fuck shit up, have a breakdown and fuckshit up, or life takes an interesting turn and I fuckshit up on accident. I have been diagnosed with PTSD because of this. As well as severe depression, many times. And I felt like an idiot when I realized I spent decades dealing with depression, that was really understimulation.
It was a trip the first time I took Adderall IR. That was when I knew I had ADHD. I never thought about it. It was weird being diagnosed with combined ADHD. But after taking Adderall for the first time, holy shit. I sat on the floor for two hours amazed... for the first time in my life I didn't have a song playing in my head, sometimes I get up to three at the same time. My mind which I've always known, all the sudden was silenced. The chaos and the music was gone. All that was left was the constant talking of the narrator of my thoughts. Only with all the noise and choas silenced, the voice of the narrator was actually whispering. It was really weird. And I say there for two hours. Just peacefully sitting with my thoughts, listening to them whisper.
I get exhausted by most social situations. But I need to be social to be happy. And some social situations actually energize me, but most are draining and I need some alone time to recoup. So it's a bit of a balancing act, that is always slightly off.
My daily life is pretty much ick right now. I'm wrapping up getting over a divorce, and I lost my job as a mail carrier. So basically, I'm now working a shitjob for poverty wages and I'm trying to figure out how to start a new life at 48.
I wake up. Check my stocks. Usually work on a mix, since I'm taking a course on mixing audio. Then I eat breakfast, make lunch and go to work. Before I go to work to take my meds, Carbamazapine XR, and Adderall IR. I keep my keys, wallet, ecig, and shokz in small box by the door, so I don't lose them. I grab them and my lunch, and head to work.
At work. I either have very little to do and try and find places to hide, or I'm buried. The last few days it's been burried. After work, I go home, eat something. And take a bath and screw around until I fall asleep. My days, right now are really boring. But my work is chaotic half the time and my boss sucks, I'm not paid enough to give a shit. I'm currenly looking for a new job but my work history isn't great.
I use a little notepad type app that has a homescreen box to keep notes on for work and just for life. I forget stuff a lot, especially if I don't really care. So I jot a lot shit down on my phone so I don't forget it.
I found if I need to be functional using a dry erase board to keep track of things and due dates, is the best way to go about it. Plus when you're done there is something really satisfying erasing it from an actual physical board.
Sometimes, I journal to get crap out of my head. I actually have three journals. The third one I started, as a way to keep track of work shit because I feel I'm being set up. So I have every interaction with my boss. What I did that day. It's over the top. But I got fucked at my last job and it was my carreer, so......
Your paragraph about depression and boredom is beautifully stated and deeply relatable. I hadn't quite gotten it that clear in my head yet, but damn, that is exactly the process.
I have a comprehensive diagnosis with both ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I was diagnosed as an adult a few years ago, but had suspected something for several years before that.
The testing took place over several sessions and featured a four hour sort of IQ test. The result was a 20-page report that documented the results of the testing, including the ways in which I exhibited ASD and ADHD, but also those areas where I had the greatest capacity.
There are many ways to look at it, but, for me, I believe that I have had some natural strengths that have helped me greatly. I also have, not weaknesses, but rather delays in other skills - things that I would have developed earlier if not for the neurodivergence. This allows me to work towards improvement in areas where I am weak with the knowledge that a delayed development in that area is still a development, and something to be happy about. Furthermore, a delayed development is not necessarily a limited one. Simply because I have developed a capacity later than others does not mean that it's "ceiling" is lower. If I am willing to keep developing a formerly weak capability, that capability can grow to be as great as that of anyone else.
In the meantime, I have tried to play to my strengths. The testing highlighted which of my capacities are exceptional and to what degree. Accordingly, I have tried to shape my professional carreer around those skills, so as to deliver to others on my team the best kinds of work products that I can produce, with the least amount of risk or effort. This allows me to think about areas where I can grow and develop capacities without staking important decisions or outcomes on the places where I am weakest.
I have tried to use my diagnosis to help me, rather than to let it define or constrain me. I don't see why you or anyone else can't do the same.
I think it is great that you have found ways to make it work for you. I am trying to do the same.
But I'm sorry. I do take offense to your last statement. Nothing in my post has said that it has defined or constrained me. It's just the opposite, by learning that my issues could possibly be ADHD, it would help to reframe my issues and make it work for me instead. I often power through life and ignore what my body or brain is actually telling me.
I am at an exploratory stage and seeking information to see if this was something viable for me to help understand my brain rather than working against it. It is not a complaint on how possibly negative my life is.
The other posts here have also been replies from people who have lived in ways that accommodated to their brain. It is not very empathetic to assume that others aren't living well or trying to work hard with what they have.
I apologize that it came off as a criticism; I certainly didn't intend it as such. I was speaking narrowly to the decision to get a diagnosis, and not the condition itself. I avoided diagnosis for a long time for fear of being constrained by it, and only realized afterward that it could play a positive role in my life.
You are very correct: it is not very empathetic to assume that others aren't living well or working hard with what they have. I agree completely. We are doing the best with what we have.
Thank you. I appreciate the reply.
I am sorry for the misunderstanding and uncharitable reading of the tone of your post. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt rather than have a knee jerk reaction.
I do tend to react terribly to this topic and am working with my therapist on why I get very worked up when we discuss it. So I think that happened again here.
I do aim to figure out how to do better in life in a way that isn't antagonistic to my body. So I am glad to know that you have made it work out for you.
I just wanted to say this type of interaction is exactly what I love about Tildes. Things don’t always go perfectly, but it can still turn out well.
If it hasn’t come up already, I recommend asking your therapist about rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). It’s not an official symptom or diagnosis in the DSM, but it is incredibly common with ADHD, and I think it is common with ASD as well. I don’t think I can explain it well, but, in short, it’s how our emotions can sometimes be way out of proportion to whatever happened.
You are awesome, and you are worth it.
No problem. I have complete confidence in your capacities and no doubt that you will obtain your accomplish your objectives. I am happy to help in any way I can.
Feeling like an imposter when you're "high functioning" (outdated term) is extremely common. It's hard to look at those with high support needs and say "yeah, I have what they have, and I deserve support too," because you can speak, and hold a job, and pass as "normal." I think everyone with an adult dx goes through that process, and it takes some folks longer than others. That's ok, and it's ok to use -or not use- the labels you're comfortable with, because all the labels do is provide a shorthand for explaining yourself wherever that's needed; be it with doctors, loved ones, or just to yourself.
I strongly believe autism and ADHD are the same thing. I don't think you can have one without the other, the difference lies in which facet is "louder" or more distressing/obvious. As one example, no one would have pegged me as ADHD growing up, because I was quiet still and well behaved, I did well in school and caused no problems for anyone. But when I was tested for autism, one test in particular I absolutely bombed -like, lowest 5th percentile or something- and the psych was all "well yeah, you're autistic, but look at this ADHD score! How did you score this low and never suspected?" And yeah, how did I? No idea, but holy shit Adderall has been incredible. I don't even take a crazy high dose, but it's just enough to get past the executive dysfunction hump and realize just how hard existing had been without it. Absolutely everything is easier now.
So anyway, kinda lost the plot there, sorry. Abnormal psych has been my special interest since way before I knew that term, and I can happily infodump for days lol. Feel free to ask specific questions anytime, in this thread or elsewhere, I'm always willing to chat about neurodivergence!
Interesting idea about ADHD and ASD being the same. It’s a bit ironic that, not too long ago, the psychiatry profession thought you couldn’t have both together. It seems a little like how ADD and ADHD were combined together. I think that was ultimately a good thing, even though the acronym annoys me a bit.
I can add my experience to your argument. I have combined type ADHD. I haven’t been tested for ASD, but I have read through the DSM 5 entry on ASD, and I can confidently say that I don’t have it at least according to the DSM. However, I do have a small sampling of ASD traits. I am pretty sensitive to noise, and I love my noise cancelling headphones. At this point, I consider AirPods Pro to be a tool that I need to function, and I don’t think I’ll ever be without them again. I don’t have a special interest, but I do rotate through topics that I get extremely interested in for months or years. I call them “long term hyperfocuses” but it’s possible that they are closer to short term ASD special interests. I don’t usually have texture issues, but I do sometimes with food and clothing tags.
My sister is diagnosed with ADHD, and I can see some ASD traits in her too. My mother is not officially diagnosed, but almost certainly has ADHD. I can’t really say I’ve seen any ASD traits from her, but she is pretty well adjusted to her neurodivergence, so maybe I haven’t noticed.
That is all to say I think you might be on to something with your theory.
Man, I was avoiding Tildes the past couple days in anticipation of a Reddit-style attack... I keep doing that, even though it has yet to happen. Thanks for your response :)
As for hyperfixations vs special interests, obviously you are free to call them whatever you like, but there's no duration or intensity that inherently differentiates one from the other. I think most of us have one or two long-term things, but it's ok if you don't (or don't realize it, either because it feels too broad (ie tech) or because you went to school/work in the field (programming, for example). Lots of potentially confounding factors there). The depth is really what matters here, and distinguishes an autistic special interest from an NT interest. When you can't help but deep-dive because it just sucks you in, and you want to tell everyone all about it, and then you find an "expert" in the subject who somehow doesn't have the answers you were looking for because their knowledge is so surface-level.....
(Edited to add) Re: sensory issues, some of us got lucky and are sensitive to things that are easily avoidable and/or "normal" to dislike, so they're easy to miss. Like, I hate cold water on my skin, but lots of people do, that's pretty normal. What isn't normal is that once, when the hot water wasn't working, I just didn't shower until it was fixed... A couple weeks later. And I'm pretty meticulous about hygiene, I feel "gross" easily, and I shower daily. But cold water is just that bad; it short-circuits my brain and sends me into a full-body panic/meltdown. It wasn't until diagnosis that I realized I have lots of these, they're just ostensibly "normal" so it never clicked.
Diagnosed with Autism/CPTSD/Depression/Anxiety, generally low needs though now as I have the depression and anxiety (more triggers of PTSD) better understood. Pretty damn sure I have ADHD as well, just need to actually get it diagnosed, but honestly I'm in no rush.
Overall, I don't want to take any medication for my issues. Caffeine is my only real drug of choice.
Honestly, you'll probably never feel completely removed from the imposter syndrome. I'm not. A good friend of mine has a similar mirror of diagnosis shares in the imposter. I believe it just being aggressively self-aware of oneself, which can also be a problem of itself too.
I also got the autism dx after just reading about it, the friend mentioned asked if I was ever tested (after telling them about the PTSD which can share some traits). Took tests trying to disprove it, failed. Ask my mom and family a bit on some of the traits I don't remember or have only my own POV like "do I generally have a higher threshold for pain?" and was given numerous examples. ADHD is self dx, but again research in how it meshes with autism and my traits and there is a lot of overlap in the venn diagram. My brothers also have it, so likely for me too, I just have "counter" traits or traits that allow for masking one or the other with the other.
While I have only had my dx for a short period of time, and despite imposter, it lets me forgive myself when I need it for disappearing socially. My partner probably has ADHD, seeking diagnosis, as well and just lets us continue to have a healthy relationship too which is 99.9999% good communication.
*Phone. Sorry for brevity