paolia's recent activity
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Comment on Why we’re turning psychiatric labels into identities in ~health.mental
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Comment on All the good email clients go to hell in ~tech
paolia LinkI think the problem with email clients is that email sucks and most people either ignore it or find ways to zoom through trying to fish the important stuff out of the ocean of spam being vented on...I think the problem with email clients is that email sucks and most people either ignore it or find ways to zoom through trying to fish the important stuff out of the ocean of spam being vented on you 24/7. I've gone from using Thunderbird to Apple Mail and Spark and various other paid clients, all the way back to just using Mail.app on iOS and sticking with Fastmail's web client because every other solution is just annoying enough to put me off.
There's stuff I miss, like having all my email accounts in one place, but simulating that by brutally discarding/shelving old accounts and funneling everything into one mailbox via different addresses works well enough. The one thing I can't replicate is keeping old emails downloaded, but that's always something I can set up later if I care enough.
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Comment on For those involved / interested in Web3, what do you make of the near and long term future for it? in ~tech
paolia Link ParentI'm pretty sure the 95% scam ratio is doing the heavy lifting. In fact I think that percentage is treating the whole blockchain industry a bit too leniently. I have yet to hear of a useful...I'm pretty sure the 95% scam ratio is doing the heavy lifting. In fact I think that percentage is treating the whole blockchain industry a bit too leniently. I have yet to hear of a useful blockchain-related product. Every time anyone explains what one of the good ones is supposed to do it's all "decentralized transparency freedoms" and no indication of why not just use a database. Or why build this at all (every NFT-adjacent product ever).
AI can be threatening but it can at least also be funny. Blockchain stuff seems like everyone involved is hoping to offload their digital tulips to some other moron right before the bottom drops out of the market.
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Comment on What is it like to have both ADHD and autism? in ~health.mental
paolia Link ParentI think there's an extra cognitive load that shackles our brains when trying to fight it in these scenarios tbh. Maybe because we're also running the "I failed again 😞" program alongside whatever...If I want to remember, it gets written down immediately. If not, I excise it from my brain. Somehow I am now better at remembering things than before, even if I don’t write it down.
I think there's an extra cognitive load that shackles our brains when trying to fight it in these scenarios tbh. Maybe because we're also running the "I failed again 😞" program alongside whatever process is causing trouble that we don't want to admit we can't just power through.
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Comment on What is it like to have both ADHD and autism? in ~health.mental
paolia Link ParentThis exact thing is happening to me so much this year. I mean I have texture issues too, won the anti-jeans war and various other battles with myself a long time ago, but there's still little...Whenever I figured out this was because I'm autistic, I immediately stopped feeling bad about it.
I'm just annoyed that it took me this long to figure it out lol
This exact thing is happening to me so much this year. I mean I have texture issues too, won the anti-jeans war and various other battles with myself a long time ago, but there's still little things like you described that keep popping up.
I feel like if I could only send a single message to kid!me and have them fully understand it, it'd be "shit that rubs you the wrong way is totally fine to avoid". So much of my life and my time lost in bullshit struggles to prove I'm powerful (?) enough to wear an itchy woolen sock (or similar annoying audio/textural alternative).
It's not like there aren't some things you can/should get used to, or try to set up in a way that doesn't hurt your brain as much, but. I think of my past self and I'm like, "they're just socks! They are not the only sock!!!"
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Comment on What is it like to have both ADHD and autism? in ~health.mental
paolia Link ParentAutism-only haver here, replying to emphasize this extremely good point: I only recently got nudged with the suggestion to get diagnosed, and while I haven't and won't1, it was very easy to go...Autism-only haver here, replying to emphasize this extremely good point:
I mean, I didn't struggle as much as I thought you're supposed to. It's pretty obvious to me now that I just couldn't see all the multitudes of struggles I did have. I assumed everyone else struggled with these things too, I was just uniquely bad at dealing with them.
I only recently got nudged with the suggestion to get diagnosed, and while I haven't and won't1, it was very easy to go from "autistic? Who, me? (nervous laughter)" to "yeah, that's me" because it explained so much. The 30-minute cooldown where I have to sit and do next to nothing after finishing some tasks. The way smells and sounds and things touching me can suddenly be impossible to ignore, especially when I'm feeling stressed. The way something as trivial as a new handwash soap scent will make my mood murderous for a full week because I cannot stop smelling it.
Knowing and accepting the reason why my brain needs to be wrestled with recontextualized the problems I'd been having in a way that feels easier to cope with. It hasn't made everything perfect but it is easier to win fights to give myself space and compassion when I know the traits and problems I'm struggling with can't just be brushed off/ignored/powered through without creating more problems.
1Like other commenters, I think an ADHD diagnosis in most countries is much more useful and less likely to be harmful to most people who have it. It'll ideally let you get drugs that make it easier to function. In the US an Autism diagnosis is, afaict, harder to get and won't do much to improve your life without additional tussles with the disability system.
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Comment on What's something about your lived experience you wished people understood, but rarely do? in ~talk
paolia Link ParentThis comment resonated a lot with me too. My family was definitely on this axis, and I don't think I'll ever be able to consume tales of family reconciliation in the manner they're often intended...This comment resonated a lot with me too. My family was definitely on this axis, and I don't think I'll ever be able to consume tales of family reconciliation in the manner they're often intended to be. I'm pretty sure my selfishness saved me; if I hadn't been selfish and ruthless enough, I'd still have them in my life, generating suffering.
Please don't feel too bad about paying someone (e.g. a good therapist) to care about you. I have maybe the best, most caring partner in the world and that hasn't stopped me from paying for therapy. I think of it like paying for a hairdresser, only way more essential since most people don't spontaneously know how to deal with uncomfortable emotions or past trauma. Hell, even if you do know how best to do it, sometimes your life ship runs into a rock and being able to talk it out with someone who isn't stuck on the ship with you can really help.
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Comment on Text editing on mobile isn’t ok. It’s actually much worse than you think, an invisible problem no one appreciates. in ~comp
paolia Link ParentI really wish I could have some kind of mashup of the modern slab smartphone and any kind of Blackberry. Blaclberries had trackballs!!! Text editing was such a breeze once you'd gotten used to the...I really wish I could have some kind of mashup of the modern slab smartphone and any kind of Blackberry. Blaclberries had trackballs!!! Text editing was such a breeze once you'd gotten used to the keyboard!
I'm never going to get over RIM's many failures wrt trying to make smartphones with physical keyboards happen again. I still perk up whenever anyone tries to release a phone with a physical keyboard but so far they've all been half baked duds.
Sometimes I wonder what the smartphone landscape would look like now if RIM had held on to a significant share of the market rather than disappearing for a few years and then attempting new releases well after Apple had a stranglehold on the top end.
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Comment on What are your DIY mattress experiences? in ~life.home_improvement
paolia LinkUnlike cfabbro above, I knew this is a thing some people do before seeing this post. I've got the same opinion he does, though: unless you know you'll enjoy the process of putting together a new...Unlike cfabbro above, I knew this is a thing some people do before seeing this post. I've got the same opinion he does, though: unless you know you'll enjoy the process of putting together a new mattress this way, I'd recommend just buying one of the premade ones instead. If just because that would mean only needing to go through a return/dump process for unwanted or unsuitable mattress 'stuff' once per assembled mattress.
Did you end up effectively buying multiple mattresses worth of components trying to dial it in?
I think you would likely end up doing this unless you have lots of experience with mattress DIY materials. You sound like you don't have that experience, so unless you're ready to accept that it'll be a process and you'll have some waste or unused stuff sitting around once you're finally satisfied with your end product, I would highly recommend going premade.
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Comment on It’s time to accept save scumming as the best way to play RPGs in ~games
paolia Link ParentAs an FE fan, I respect the Ironman players but I will never be one of them. Turtling and striving to make optimal decisions on each turn of a battle can be fun in short bursts, but it exhausts me...As an FE fan, I respect the Ironman players but I will never be one of them. Turtling and striving to make optimal decisions on each turn of a battle can be fun in short bursts, but it exhausts me maintaining that level of tension.
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Comment on Madison Reeve explains why she quit Linus Tech Tips (CW: self harm, slurs, sexual harassment) in ~tech
paolia Link ParentYou say 'cartoonishly evil', I say 'yeah... sounds about right for a shitty, abusive situation'. A lot of the time, abuse is like this; it's small, petty actions that add up to a crushing weight,...That said, stuff about a mirror, a notebook, ram, someone asking her to twerk, being told to get drunk or fuck other employees who were harassing her? That seems just....cartoonishly evil.
You say 'cartoonishly evil', I say 'yeah... sounds about right for a shitty, abusive situation'. A lot of the time, abuse is like this; it's small, petty actions that add up to a crushing weight, punctuated by moments that leave you wondering if that actually just happened, and why it happened to you. Sometimes people can be exactly that awful for no good reason.
The reason victims of abuse don't speak up about this shit is clear as day in your comment, imo. There's always people waiting to dismiss or diminish abuse claims as being either too much ('cartoonishly evil', no one could mistreat someone that much surely) or too little (can't she/he take a joke?); no matter the claim, there's always some reason why it's not good enough.
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Comment on Where is everyone hosting their email these days? in ~tech
paolia LinkI'm currently hosting with Fastmail. It's pricey but reliable, and I love how smooth and easy to navigate their webmail is. Spam filtering is decent, and I like a bunch of their extra features...I'm currently hosting with Fastmail. It's pricey but reliable, and I love how smooth and easy to navigate their webmail is. Spam filtering is decent, and I like a bunch of their extra features (1Password temporary email integration, particularly).
I used to host email for my custom domains at Tuffmail, and I feel like it was more barebones of an experience than I wanted, though also the best option I could afford at the time. Didn't realize they'd closed down in 2021 until I went looking to see what their service was offering these days.
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Comment on Where is everyone hosting their email these days? in ~tech
paolia Link ParentWow, I'm kind of regretting not knowing that purelymail existed back when I was looking to make the switch from google. I don't actually need much space, the most important thing for me is custom...Wow, I'm kind of regretting not knowing that purelymail existed back when I was looking to make the switch from google. I don't actually need much space, the most important thing for me is custom domains and multiple users (I like to keep my internet identities as separate as possible), and while I've reconciled myself to paying Fastmail more than I'd like, I've always wondered if there were better options.
Gonna have to check this out for sure.
Honestly don't know how to feel about the article, it felt a lot like a more erudite version of the quiet grumbling older people do when forced to acknowledge that normal isn't real. That there are more differences they have to be (or pretend to be) respectful of when interacting with others.
It's also suffocating because the way the article is narrated doesn't really speak to how even now mental illness carries a stigma, and all the labels in the world won't help you if the person or institution you're interacting with refuses to be accommodating. So many people act like the use of the label du jour itself is more threatening than the reason why more people than feels usual are claiming it. I think of all the conspiracy theorists convinced that 5G or vaccines are what's behind autism and adhd and then I think of just how many people have lived and died thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with them for not being able to be 'normal'. 🙂↕️