ducc's recent activity
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentI see, good to know! Hadn't heard of Lex before, I'll have to check it out. Thanks for the info :)I see, good to know! Hadn't heard of Lex before, I'll have to check it out. Thanks for the info :)
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentThanks for the recommendation! Board game cafes are always a blast, I'll be sure to check it out.Thanks for the recommendation! Board game cafes are always a blast, I'll be sure to check it out.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentI am queer (bisexual & haven't entirely figured out the whole gender thing for myself yet). I'm not looking to date / hookup for the most part at the moment though - I'm still finding myself after...I am queer (bisexual & haven't entirely figured out the whole gender thing for myself yet). I'm not looking to date / hookup for the most part at the moment though - I'm still finding myself after my 3-year-long relationship ended.
I enjoy drinking socially and live music - prog/noise & hyperpop are my scene (had fun at a King Gizz concert @ Stanford recently, but I went with a coworker who was a bit weirded out by the crowd so we didn't end up mingling). There's a machine girl show in SF I'd like to go to, but I'll unfortunately be out of town, so I'll keep my eyes open for more. Hobby-wise, I had a lot of fun writing & editing for my school's satire paper in college (which is where I met most of my friends), though that's a bit hard to replicate outside of school. I'd like to exercise my art & music muscles more, so I'm thinking about taking a class if I can find one that fits my schedule. I also enjoy hiking and being outdoors, though I suppose those aren't super conducive to meeting new people. Beyond that, I enjoy video games, reading, and cooking - but those don't tend to be super social activities.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentBest of luck to you as well! Activist groups are definitely a good idea. A huge chunk of my college friends came from our school's satire paper that I was on the editorial board for. It wasn't an...Best of luck to you as well! Activist groups are definitely a good idea. A huge chunk of my college friends came from our school's satire paper that I was on the editorial board for. It wasn't an "activist group" per se - but it was a good way to meet people with similar beliefs and to draw attention to important issues both on campus and in the world at large. Plus it was pretty therapeutic to punch up at those in power through humor. It would be great if I could find something like that again outside of the confines of a college campus.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentInteresting! I've never looked into curling before, sounds like it could be fun. Thanks for the info :)Interesting! I've never looked into curling before, sounds like it could be fun. Thanks for the info :)
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentDon't know how I missed your reply earlier, thanks for the recommendations! Sounds fun. Bike meet-ups and dance seem to be big around these parts :)Don't know how I missed your reply earlier, thanks for the recommendations! Sounds fun. Bike meet-ups and dance seem to be big around these parts :)
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentOh, definitely. It took me a couple years to find a group in college (not that COVID helped at all with that), so I've been through this struggle before. I shouldn't be so impatient, probably.Oh, definitely. It took me a couple years to find a group in college (not that COVID helped at all with that), so I've been through this struggle before. I shouldn't be so impatient, probably.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentHey, I was looking at the studio! It's pretty close to me - the only thing is that climbing isn't the cheapest hobby to get into, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a huge fan of scurrying up...Hey, I was looking at the studio! It's pretty close to me - the only thing is that climbing isn't the cheapest hobby to get into, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a huge fan of scurrying up vertical surfaces, so I'll take another look. Thanks as well for the Americorp recommendation - I'll definitely check it out. And bike groups / meets keep coming up, so I'll definitely have to check those out. Santa Cruz was also on my radar - I know a handful of folks from there (but unfortunately none that currently live there). But, the lack of train access and traffic makes it a pretty hard sell in terms of commute.
It's good to hear there are other "weirdos" around here too - and I figured there are - the trick is just finding the right place to meet them. I also don't want to be too narrow-minded about the kinds of folks I'll be friends with, but it is difficult to make close friends with people you don't share ideals with. I figure moving to a place like SF/Berkeley gives me a better chance of doing so, but I shouldn't give up so early down here, I guess. Thanks again for the info :)
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentThanks for the info :) I'm thinking about breaking my lease, but it'll require 60 days notice + two months rent and I lose my security deposit, so it would be quite the hit. I could pay it, but it...Thanks for the info :) I'm thinking about breaking my lease, but it'll require 60 days notice + two months rent and I lose my security deposit, so it would be quite the hit. I could pay it, but it would be a lot and pretty much wipe out my savings. Subleasing isn't allowed here by my lease either :( One option I'm looking into is finding a roommate so I would save money (and my social life) by breaking my lease, but I've been burned by random Facebook/Craigslist/internet roommates before so I'm being careful. I'm definitely regretting living alone at this point, especially since I'm spending way more on rent than I probably should be. But, I had pretty terrible/inconsiderate roommates in college (we had to find our own housing off-campus after the second year) so the idea & ability to have my own space seemed tempting at the time.
I won't be around next weekend, otherwise, I'd definitely take you up on your offer, thank you! Maybe some other time. I will definitely be socially commuting to SF for the foreseeable future. New Caltrain definitely makes that a lot easier, and I live reasonably close to Diridon so it's easy for me to take it up. Noisebridge sounds cool too, I'll have to check it out! That game group sounds fun too - it may be a bit difficult for me if it's on weekdays, but if you'd like to DM me more info I'd definitely appreciate it :)
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentThanks for the info! Berkeley is great - my only worry is that it would be an even longer commute to work, but if I find an area I like, I'll make it work. The prop 36 map is a good proxy for...Thanks for the info! Berkeley is great - my only worry is that it would be an even longer commute to work, but if I find an area I like, I'll make it work. The prop 36 map is a good proxy for mapping out progressives, haha.
I'll take my current lease in San Jose as an opportunity to spend weekends hopping on Caltrain / BART and poking around places to figure out where to live next.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentThanks for reading and the response. I suppose I should be more open minded. College sort of forces you to meet people who are mostly your age, and I guess I was used to that. I'd love to take a...Thanks for reading and the response. I suppose I should be more open minded. College sort of forces you to meet people who are mostly your age, and I guess I was used to that. I'd love to take a class, but unfortunately they don't offer anything like that as far as I can tell. But things like cooking / pottery / etc classes are definitely on my radar as well.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentAh! I don't want to freak you out, my post was really negative. If you're looking at the same thing after college, I guess my only advice would be to trust your gut (and folks online) about where...Ah! I don't want to freak you out, my post was really negative. If you're looking at the same thing after college, I guess my only advice would be to trust your gut (and folks online) about where to live, if you have options.
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Comment on Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely in ~life
ducc Link ParentThanks for reading, the advice, and invitation! I hadn't considered volunteer opportunities like that before, good idea. As for the book club, I might be interested if you're ok with DMing more...Thanks for reading, the advice, and invitation! I hadn't considered volunteer opportunities like that before, good idea. As for the book club, I might be interested if you're ok with DMing more details :) (depending more on scheduling than anything, since oakland is dead opposite the bay from me, lol)
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Graduating college, starting work, and being lonely
I don't know what I intend for this post to be - I guess I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere. If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it - but I'm not expecting anyone to read all the...
I don't know what I intend for this post to be - I guess I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere. If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it - but I'm not expecting anyone to read all the way through this or anything really. If this isn't appropriate for Tildes, feel free to remove it.
I recently graduated college and moved to San Jose, CA for work. And let me tell you, I am not liking it here at all so far. Work itself is great - it's interesting stuff, I like what I'm doing, and I feel like there's really nowhere else I could be doing it. But dear lord, has my social life evaporated. This does not feel like somewhere that someone in their young 20s should be living. I live in downtown, and it's mostly apartments, tech companies, and a spattering of bars and restaurants frequented by tech bros in their 30s. Which is fine, but not at all the social scene I am looking for.
I work with a handful of people my age, and while we do things outside of work every so often, they're really not the same kind of folks I got used to hanging out with in college. They're all super career/status-oriented people, which is not me at all. I've definitely selected for meeting these kinds of folks by working at a tech company, but that's really not the kind of people I usually vibe with. In college, I made a lot of really close friends who were mostly "weirdos", without any better way to put it - lots of queer leftist folks, people into strange art and music, people I could really be myself around. Maybe I have high standards for what I look for in friends, but I really do not see myself becoming close with any of the people my age that I've met around here so far. I have nothing against these folks - we just share different ideals. But I feel like I am constantly censoring myself and am unable to really just be me here.
Of course, to find the kinds of people that I want to hang out with, I probably chose the wrong career path and wrong place to live. I was wary of moving to San Jose since the sentiment I'm sharing here is widely echoed online. And it feels bad proving my fears correct. I looked into moving to San Francisco, Berkeley, or Oakland, but decided against it because I was afraid the commute would burn me out. But now, I am regretting that decision hardcore. I have never felt lonelier in my entire life. I would much rather spend three hours commuting every day than spend my weekends alone.
I started adulthood during the pandemic, and I moved out of state to go to college. For the first two years of school, I had a really hard time meeting people and making friends since my university was really strict on COVID restrictions, and we didn't have in person classes until halfway through my second year. That part of my life was really lonely, too - so this isn't new to me. But somehow, being surrounded by people who are nothing like me feels way lonelier than being around nobody at all. And what hurts even more is seeing all of my friends back in college / high school thriving, and feeling like I'm drowning. I feel like I sold my friends and happiness for a job and money, and it feels terrible. Nobody I knew from college or high school lives here - I had zero connections moving up here.
And this isn't for a lack of effort - I've been trying to figure out where to meet people. I've looked at meetup, and all the events around here seem to be networking, business, and tech related. I've gone on Bumble BFF, and everyone on there just wants to "network" or aren't my vibe. I've been going to bars, coffee shops, etc by myself to try and meet people, but haven't been successful. I've signed up to volunteer at a local animal shelter, which I figure might be a good way to meet people, but they don't have any open shifts yet. I've looked for live music events near me, but there isn't really a lot in the scenes I'm into. I don't know what else to do.
Everything in this place seems to revolve around careers, money, status, networking, and tech. It feels terrible, it's like a physical microcosm of LinkedIn. I know I'm going to be moving to San Francisco as soon as my lease is up in August. I feel like I'll have a way better chance of meeting people who are like me and are my age up there. But in the meantime, I need to make the most of where I am. I'm sure there's people like me somewhere around here, but the issue is meeting them. Where do I find them? How the hell do adults make friends, and close ones at that? I am surrounded by a lot of lonely adults - lots of folks at work who never married, don't do anything fun, and live for work. Do I need to get out of here before this place eats me alive? I don't want to end up like that.
I know this will pass, or at least I hope it does. I know my life isn't over. I just feel like I'm squandering my precious 20s, if there is such a thing. At least I have a roof over my head and a dream job. I guess the grass is always greener, but I feel like I'd rather be struggling to pay rent and be surrounded by close friends than have a full wallet and an empty living room like I do now. The pandemic was a really terrible period of my life, and I won't go into detail about everything going on in my brain, but I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of that kind of depression again.
Anyway, this post isn't really coherent or organized. It's more of a rant than anything. I just needed to get my thoughts on to paper (screen?), and posting here seemed better than screaming into the void. If you read this, thank you :)
EDIT: Wow, I didn't expect so many replies, recommendations, and support on this post. I fully expected to get no replies. Thank you everyone, really. I suppose part of my situation is I need to stop being so negative - while I am genuinely unhappy here, this isn't forever and I can't do anything besides keep trying. If nothing else, I can always move in August (or before then, if I can figure out a way to break my lease without emptying my bank account). Until I move or find connections, I'll get good at enjoying my own company. And I'm also eternally grateful to have made amazing friends in college and High School that I can still talk to, even if they're hundreds of miles away.
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Comment on Georgia voter cancellation site in ~society
ducc Link ParentInteresting, I wasn't aware of that. That does make this more concerning. I would hope the amount of people or organizations willing to risk a felony to unregister people is low, but of course you...Interesting, I wasn't aware of that. That does make this more concerning. I would hope the amount of people or organizations willing to risk a felony to unregister people is low, but of course you can't count on that, and once the damage is done it's done...
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Comment on Georgia voter cancellation site in ~society
ducc LinkI'd like to provide another perspective on this - the next page on the site does require a partial SSN / ID number, which is more than a stranger or even most of those close to you would probably...I'd like to provide another perspective on this - the next page on the site does require a partial SSN / ID number, which is more than a stranger or even most of those close to you would probably know.
I recently moved out of Colorado (not because I didn't love it there - I grew up there and I'd love to go back!) and the process for canceling my registration there was the exact same. And CO has been doing automatic mail in ballots for everybody since well before COVID.
The other "info" on the page about voter fraud and whatnot, however, is a different question.
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Comment on How to handle a breakup? in ~life
ducc LinkI'm sorry. All the advice given here so far is great, so I don't have much to add in the way of keeping yourself occupied and such. One piece of advice I do have is that the main ingredient is...I'm sorry. All the advice given here so far is great, so I don't have much to add in the way of keeping yourself occupied and such. One piece of advice I do have is that the main ingredient is time. It really will get better with time. There will be days where it's rougher than others for sure - I went through a pretty rough breakup almost a year ago and I still have the occasional rough day - but it's definitely a net positive over time. It'll be okay, and you'll be able to look back eventually and be proud of how much better you're doing.
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Comment on The New York Times is a fluffer for Donald Trump on Arlington Cemetery desecration in ~society
ducc LinkI'm not really convinced by this. I've never ever gotten the impression that NYT is abnormally pro-trump, and I've read it fairly frequently for the past few years. The first piece they gave as an...I'm not really convinced by this. I've never ever gotten the impression that NYT is abnormally pro-trump, and I've read it fairly frequently for the past few years.
The first piece they gave as an example, "Conservative Moms, Charmed by Trump, Would Rather Avoid His Misogyny," doesn't seem to be pro-trump at all after skimming through it. Besides, the title definitely doesn't give that impression. Leaving out the figure of how many people were in attendance isn't necessarily a "pro-trump" thing to do.
I've never heard of this publication and know nothing about it, but to me, it really seems like they're grasping at straws here. They make some vague assertions about the New York finance industry and tell us to "follow the money," but give zero evidence of concrete ties to Trump.
To be clear, I'm not saying I have no problems with NYT whatsoever. There are definitely things I feel like they've turned a blind eye to, especially regarding their coverage of Israel & Palestine. But this isn't it.
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Comment on US arrests Mexican drug lord 'El Mayo' and El Chapo's son in Texas in ~news
ducc LinkQuestion, because I legitimately don't know anything about this - does arresting drug kingpins like this help reduce distribution of drugs? I mean, I'm sure it does in the short term, but what...Question, because I legitimately don't know anything about this - does arresting drug kingpins like this help reduce distribution of drugs? I mean, I'm sure it does in the short term, but what about the long term? I figure the drug cartels are more of a machine, so eliminating whoever's at the top won't be effective for long. Plus I assume it's more of a demand-side issue; it's not like people are buying drugs just because they're available - they're available because people want them. But maybe I'm wrong?
To be clear, I'm not saying this is a bad thing or a waste of resources. Obviously these guys should've been arrested - justice needs to be served - I'm just sort of wondering if it actually does anything to fix the problem. The roots of the issue, insofar as the opioid epidemic, seem to be overprescription, lack of help resources, hopelessness / homelessness, and other issues which stem from the bottom rather than the top.
Hey, I've passed by that place before! My roommates from an internship last summer (sadly none of which ended up staying here) and I always talked about going but never did. Guess I'll have to make it out there.