ninjavisible's recent activity
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Comment on What would your past self say about your current self? in ~life
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2025) in ~health.mental
ninjavisible Link ParentNoted. Thanks. It has always been something in the back of mind to check out. I think I’ve been resisting due to the resulting medication if diagnosed, or the need to ask even more questions of...Noted. Thanks. It has always been something in the back of mind to check out. I think I’ve been resisting due to the resulting medication if diagnosed, or the need to ask even more questions of doctors if not. I should probably just bite the bullet once I’ve fully recovered from the events of the last couple of weeks. Glad the meds have helped you.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2025) in ~health.mental
ninjavisible Link ParentThank you for your valuable input. I have spoken to several doctors over the years. Some have been great, others not so... At this stage, I am seriously over explaining myself to new medical...Thank you for your valuable input. I have spoken to several doctors over the years. Some have been great, others not so... At this stage, I am seriously over explaining myself to new medical professionals and not really getting anywhere with it. It's either try this new SSRI or here's a referral to an expensive physiatrist, good luck.. Just tired of it all.
I have spoken to a phycologist for CBT in the past, which has helped with some underlying trauma, but inevitably life finds a way to bring me back down in to a deep depressive state. I know I need to do more to combat this, which is the reason why I’m trying to eat well and exercise more. There's always more I can do.
I have tried mindfulness, be it via apps or even by going to a Buddhist talk and a community centre. I do like and appreciate the practice, but when I'm down this low it doesn't cross my mind to start even a quick session - probably because I haven't developed the necessary skills for it to be of true benefit yet.. That's on me. I should be practicing every day.
I should be doing lots of things every day. I tend to start a routine, only to have it fall away after a few weeks. This has been a pattern in my life. It has been suggested by a Physiologist that I have ADHD, though it hasn't been formally diagnosed. I don't know..
Getting sick really has drained my energy levels. It really does get harder to recover with age. It's been 2 weeks and the thing is still lingering, which is unusual for me...but this is to be expected with COVID I suppose. I need to try and be kind to myself, let myself heal, pick myself up and try this again. And again.
The funeral is tomorrow. It will be good to be with the family and say goodbye. Step 1 then.
Thanks again for your advice, and even listening, Appreciate it. -
Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2025) in ~health.mental
ninjavisible Link ParentThank you. It's good to hear that you have managed to pull yourself out of your depression. Good on you. Thanks for the book recommendation. I'm tired, but still have some fight left in me. Just...Thank you. It's good to hear that you have managed to pull yourself out of your depression. Good on you.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I'm tired, but still have some fight left in me. Just picked it up for the Kindle, so I'll check out what he has to say.
I'm happy to send and receive DM's if you aren't bothered by them. I don't really have a lot to say, but I am willing to have a chat if you're keen. Thanks again for reaching out.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2025) in ~health.mental
ninjavisible Link ParentHey, just wanted to say thanks for your kind and thoughtful words. It’s going to be a day to day battle. I will need some time to regain my strength, though I wonder what for.. All the best to you.Hey, just wanted to say thanks for your kind and thoughtful words.
It’s going to be a day to day battle. I will need some time to regain my strength, though I wonder what for..
All the best to you. -
Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2025) in ~health.mental
ninjavisible (edited )LinkI'm really not well tbh. I'm 45. Useless, no real accomplishments. No social life anymore. I'm the kind of person people avoid on the street, and get profiled at stores as I look like the type, to...I'm really not well tbh. I'm 45. Useless, no real accomplishments.
No social life anymore. I'm the kind of person people avoid on the street, and get profiled at stores as I look like the type, to I don't know, steal and murder people.
I'm not that person, but society deems me to be, and I have to live in their world.
I try and not let it get to me, and some days a better than others...but it's hard not to resent people at times.
It's hard. It's hard living amongst people who despise me for the way I look and move. I get angry. But I try and let it slide.
I have family, and they are there for me, but it's hard to talk about how I am feeling. I've gone the doctor route, and talking helps, but only gets me so far.
Have tried various meds. Some work for a while. Others, like Effexor, made things worse, so I have sworn off medication for life. Currently seeking approval for TMS, but haven't heard back yet.
I have joined a gym, and try to eat well. Going to the gym is hard, becuase I have to be around people who look at me like I'm a freakshow. But I'll go anyway. I need to excercise to stave off the creeping old age pains.
Just spent 2 weeks recovering from covid, or something, so haven't done a lot lately.
My grandmother died 2 days ago. She was 106, and had been suffering from dementia. She's no longer in pain so that's the upside I'm taking away from this.
I don't know why I continue to wake up every day. I don't want to be here. I would gladly give up my life for her to spend another day here to say goodbye to the family (preferably in a lucid state). Hell I'd give my life up for anyone who needs it. There's just no point in any of this otherwise.
But it goes, an on. -
Comment on Tildes worldbuilding thread in ~creative
ninjavisible Link ParentThanks so much for the links. I am more interested in creating and fleshing out a world as a brain exercise more than anything. It's a way for me to try and make sense of things, I suppose, to try...Thanks so much for the links.
I am more interested in creating and fleshing out a world as a brain exercise more than anything. It's a way for me to try and make sense of things, I suppose, to try and coalesce various threads I have going on in to a whole.
I will look in to Obsidian for sure and will set aside sometime every day to think about this place I want to make - This is exactly what I hoped to be doing with this kind of process.Oh, and understanding that this exercise can't truly be completed as there can always be more to add is oddly compelling too. The freedom is absolute. I just gotta try and make it make sense!
Thanks again for your insights!
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Comment on Tildes worldbuilding thread in ~creative
ninjavisible Link ParentHey, thanks! This is what I was hoping for - the need to make things congruent.. for things to make actual sense. This seems really daunting as I have doubts about my abilities...but hey, it's...Hey, thanks! This is what I was hoping for - the need to make things congruent.. for things to make actual sense. This seems really daunting as I have doubts about my abilities...but hey, it's part of the process, and should be fun and inetrsting if I just let myself play around with my ideas and then do actual research.
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Comment on Tildes worldbuilding thread in ~creative
ninjavisible (edited )LinkI've been considering doing this for a long time, but have never started. To be frank, I'm at a low point in life (lowest, so far..) and finding any kind of creative spark has eluded me for some...I've been considering doing this for a long time, but have never started. To be frank, I'm at a low point in life (lowest, so far..) and finding any kind of creative spark has eluded me for some time now. I liked to write as a kid, and dabbled in dreaming up worlds too. I haven't done anything creative lately, aside from doodling sporadically. My life is half gone. I have no social outlet, which is fine by me. But what I miss most is being free to dream. I want to change that. Now, apologies for the forced therapy session there, but I feel like I needed to be honest with myself about why I want to do this. I tend to start things and give up, and I don't want this to happen here. I have no expectations tbh.. I would just like to be able to create something new and enjoy doing it.
Are there any resources someone like me should use on how to get started? Any other tips will be greatly appreciated. -
Comment on Looking for low-precision, mouse-only Steam game recommendations in ~games
ninjavisible (edited )LinkUtopia Must Fall is essentially Missile Command: CE. Mouse only, cheap as chips, is all vibe and totally addictive. Additional content will be added and with that so will a price increase. It’s...Utopia Must Fall is essentially Missile Command: CE.
Mouse only, cheap as chips, is all vibe and totally addictive. Additional content will be added and with that so will a price increase. It’s totally worth it as is.https://store.steampowered.com/app/2849680/Utopia_Must_Fall/
Edit: sorry, I overlooked the low-precision aspect of your post. It’s all about shooting incoming attacks so precision is required, but the range is limited to one screen. It’s mouse only for a reason
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Comment on Movie recommendations? in ~movies
ninjavisible LinkAnimatrix - an animated anthology that delves deeper in to the lore of the Matrix films. Donnie Darko - weird, captivating, funny and mind-bending. It's one you'll want to see numerous times....Animatrix - an animated anthology that delves deeper in to the lore of the Matrix films.
Donnie Darko - weird, captivating, funny and mind-bending. It's one you'll want to see numerous times. Don't watch the Director's Cut..
Fight Club - a 90's classic. Mind-blowing twist. Hard to talk about.
Altered States - cosmic horror monkey magic.
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Comment on What video game mods do you play, or have played in the past? in ~games
ninjavisible LinkThe Longest Journey HD - An upscale for one of the greatest point'n'click adventure games ever. Freelancer HD - Makes the classic look a little more modern. Silent Hill 2: Enhanced Edition -...The Longest Journey HD - An upscale for one of the greatest point'n'click adventure games ever.
Freelancer HD - Makes the classic look a little more modern.
Silent Hill 2: Enhanced Edition - Impeccable HD & Fix mod for the original game.
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Comment on Looking for some recommendations for games where you can build your own spaceships etc in ~games
ninjavisible LinkDual Universe Dual Universe is a first-person Sci-Fi MMO built and driven by players, in a single persistent universe. You can build almost anything out of voxels, trade in a free economy, lead...Dual Universe Dual Universe is a first-person Sci-Fi MMO built and driven by players, in a single persistent universe. You can build almost anything out of voxels, trade in a free economy, lead industries, travel through space, explore planets, or wage war in a fully editable sandbox universe. Subscription-based
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~society
ninjavisible Link ParentThank you so so muchThank you so so much
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~society
ninjavisible LinkIs there a way to filter words or phrases? Either through the website or the ‘three cheers for tildes’ app. Beyond sick of hearing about this guy…Is there a way to filter words or phrases? Either through the website or the ‘three cheers for tildes’ app.
Beyond sick of hearing about this guy…
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Comment on What are your spooky, creepy or unexplained stories? in ~talk
ninjavisible Link ParentYep, the fact that there were two of us is what makes me revisit this in my head sometimes. I'm totally a sceptic these days. I chalk it up to sleepwalking as well. However, aside from those other...Yep, the fact that there were two of us is what makes me revisit this in my head sometimes.
I'm totally a sceptic these days. I chalk it up to sleepwalking as well. However, aside from those other two times when I was alone, sleepwalking is not a thing that has happened to me before or since, so....idk.
I assumed my step-bother just moved over to his side when I "sleptwalked" over to his side, but he was just as confounded as I was when I woke him up. We could have both been in that sleep-like state and just swapped over - in fact, it's probable.
It's just....both of us? And then the preceding vision?The vision of the two figures being a dream is obvious, I mean there's really no other explanation, right?
It could have been my two sisters (though they are years apart and heights vary, plus there's just no way they could have physically moved us). It could have been my Mum, but she and they denied it.I totally get why one would assume it was a prank, I did. But if you knew these people you would understand why it's just not something that they would do lol
The dream included the blanket falling off (which was still on the floor when I awoke) and a sense of "floating", or being moved.
I distinctly remember having this vision directly before waking up on the other side of the bed.
I get the way we recall memories isn't reliable...so I have no real choice but to chalk it all up as just that - a dream, or memory reconstructed by my mind in a way to help make sense of the situation.
Still, the content and timeline of it hasn't changed much from what I can tell, and this is nearly 30 years ago now...so yeah, just feels like an ongoing part of the puzzle for me (despite now consciously recognising it as nothing but a dream).It's also definitely not a house in which someone could go unnoticed. It's a small single-story housing commission place and there's no way anyone wouldn't notice, but I appreciate the idea. I know that has happened before in this crazy world of ours.
Anyway, this is all probably easily explained at the end of the day. But even after all these years, this is the one incident I have experienced in my lifetime that makes me question the state of the nature of my existence.
I'm actually grateful to have experienced it, even if it's all just in my head... (which it's not really cos two people lol). -
Comment on What are your spooky, creepy or unexplained stories? in ~talk
ninjavisible LinkThis happened well over half a lifetime ago. I'm nearly 45, and this occurred when I was approx. 10-13 years old. I come from a broken family. My (at the time) step-bro had been allowed to stay...This happened well over half a lifetime ago. I'm nearly 45, and this occurred when I was approx. 10-13 years old.
I come from a broken family. My (at the time) step-bro had been allowed to stay overnight with me on a weekend while I was at my Mum's place. There were not enough beds, so we slept head-to-toe in my bed for the night (we're both boys).
Anyway, we slept.My first memory was seeing two shadowed figures right next to me beside the bed, in the position I always sleep in, facing away from the wall and into the space of my small bedroom. I remember seeing the quilt falling down to the floor, and a shift of my body slightly upwards and then to the other end of the bed. This I gleaned from maybe two blinks of an eye. The figures were both the same size, maybe a meter tall, and completely shrouded. My bedroom was always really dark, but there was a blinded window right next to the head of the bed, so not completely absent of light.
I woke up on the other side of the bed where my brother had slept, and he was still asleep but in the place where I had originally set down. Both of us had the same pillow we originally had when we went to sleep.
I woke him up, confused. He awoke, confused.
Now, I am a pretty light sleeper. I wouldn't have been able to be psychically moved and not wake up. The only other people in the house were my Mum, who is not a joker, and my two younger sisters, who could not have moved us. All 3 of them denied that they were messing around with us. I believe them.This waking up on the other side of the bed happened two times to me afterwards, without anyone else being present. One time....my pants had been removed (still had my underwear on). I have never told anyone about the missing pants part until now, but hey, this is the internet, and I am anonymous.
Also, during this period of time (maybe a year or so), I had a next door neighbour with a small dog. This dog, for whatever reason, despite having a big vacant backyard, used to park right near my bedroom window at night and bark for non-stop for extended periods.... Now, this didn't happen on the night, but the fact that this dog used to do this at all for seemingly no reason always really used to irk me.
Despite growing up in a very religious household, I'm now an Atheist and a sceptic. At the time, I used to believe in the supernatural, but I never really had any idea what to think about these experiences. I've always had an inkling that it may have been an inter-dimenesional incursion, what with the two shadowy figures, general fuckery and the occasionally barking dog, but I dunno..
We were both asleep, though, so it's probably a case of unconscious minds doing unconscious mind things.
But, the fact that we both woke up with the same pillows on the opposite sides of the bed, and the preceding vision of those two dark figures, means that I have never truly forgotten this part of my life. -
Comment on TS2Redux: A complete fan-made PC port of TimeSplitters 2 (using Homefront: The Revolution) in ~games
ninjavisible Link ParentBrilliant. I don't have any idea about batch scripts so I might need to pop in to their discord if i can't figure it out. Cheers for the clarification!Brilliant. I don't have any idea about batch scripts so I might need to pop in to their discord if i can't figure it out. Cheers for the clarification!
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Comment on TS2Redux: A complete fan-made PC port of TimeSplitters 2 (using Homefront: The Revolution) in ~games
ninjavisible Link ParentAmazing! Thanks for the confirmationAmazing! Thanks for the confirmation
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Comment on TS2Redux: A complete fan-made PC port of TimeSplitters 2 (using Homefront: The Revolution) in ~games
ninjavisible LinkWould I need to keep Homefront installed? Usually wouldn’t be an issue but ssd space is running low atm.Would I need to keep Homefront installed? Usually wouldn’t be an issue but ssd space is running low atm.
“What a fucking useless loser lol”