Wolf_359's recent activity
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Comment on In light of today's tragedy, trans folks will need support more than ever, please take care of yourselves, sibs in ~lgbt
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Comment on ‘Being short is a curse’: the men paying thousands to get their legs broken – and lengthened in ~life.men
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentMoney and attractiveness are wildly different things. You can make a super quick surface comparison but it falls apart very quickly. When I walk into a Toyota dealership, I have no expectation...- Exemplary
Money and attractiveness are wildly different things. You can make a super quick surface comparison but it falls apart very quickly.
When I walk into a Toyota dealership, I have no expectation that they're going to be giving me a vehicle for anything other than a pretty well-defined amount of money. Nobody is trading me a car in exchange for love, laughs, loyalty, charm, intelligence, companionship, shared interests, conversation, looks, future expectations (this list is essentially endless so I'll stop here).
I am 5' 9" with a weak chin, receding hairline, and I'm skinny but not fit. I have a big nose and I look like a nerd. My father was an alcoholic drug addict, I myself am a recovering drug addict. I was born in a house my parents bought at auction before they split and I moved into an apartment with my mom. I can sit here all day and talk about my disadvantages. Everybody has them.
The percent of people who are born straight, white, wealthy, intelligent, healthy, neurotypical, tall, attractive, and male is very low on a global scale. It's even lower if you want to dig into "true" beauty and assume this hypothetical person has proportional features and whatever else the incels hyper focus on. And yet, plenty of people get out there and bump uglies and get married.
The world is extremely unfair. There are a lot of hot people out there who are going to be approaching the dating world with an advantage. If you acknowledge this and your reaction is to sit it out and give up, well, you miss 100% of the shots you never take.
Ask me how I know. My mom and brother crack jokes all the time that I must have tricked these women because I always dated and slept "out of my league."
Nope. I just honestly never thought about it. I made friends with people and respectfully "shot my shot" when I felt there might be an opportunity. And just to be extra clear, I have never in my life felt like a woman was instantly attracted to me. Never. I am not an immediate "looker" by any stretch. I am someone that some women find attractive after getting to know me.
I'm happily married now with zero desire to change that, but it's clear to me that dating gets even easier for men as they get older. The sheer number of women who immediately give me the eyes when they see me simply caring for my son is astounding. The number of female friends who say to me, "I wish my boyfriend/husband did that" when I describe something as basic as fixing something at the house or taking my wife to a stupid movie that I had no interest in.
Men are struggling and there are a lot of really legitimate reasons for that. Having some disadvantage in the looks department is not one of them. Obviously this may be a different conversation if you are dealing with something extremely atypical that truly and severely limits your dating options but this does not apply to 99.5% of people.
To take an extreme example - you will notice one commonality in the incel shooters who make the news and it's not their looks. Half of them are more "traditionally attractive" than I will ever be. The thing they have in common is that they have shitty outlooks on life and women. I have a ton of empathy for them despite their horrific crimes. I didn't become a recovering drug addict by being a mentally healthy person my whole life. I know what it's like to curl inward and isolate. I know what it's like to become bitter and sad/angry. I also know it never solved a single problem I had.
I apologize that this comes off as dismissive. I know. But it's tough love. It helped me once upon a time.
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Comment on ‘Being short is a curse’: the men paying thousands to get their legs broken – and lengthened in ~life.men
Wolf_359 LinkAnother societal woe brought on by the Internet. I am a straight man, but unlike most straight men I know, I work in a female-dominated field and my friend group has always consisted of many...- Exemplary
Another societal woe brought on by the Internet.
I am a straight man, but unlike most straight men I know, I work in a female-dominated field and my friend group has always consisted of many women. In fact, it's probably majority women these days. It's crystal clear to me when I talk to my guy friends that I see women as normal people while they view women as an alien species. This is a huge disconnect that allows these types of toxic beauty standards to thrive (in magazines previously, on the internet today).
Women aren't meeting men regularly at the nail salon and men aren't meeting women regularly on construction sites. They only encounter the opposite gender online - and unfortunately the internet exposes us to many people who are instagram-addicted, mentally-unsound, attention-seekers with crazy beliefs.
Normal people are out there dating other normal people. My colleagues and friends are married to men of all shapes and sizes. A lot of the happiest marriages I've ever seen are between people who are outwardly "mismatched."
Men, get a job and a hobby. Keep yourself and your living space clean. Be willing to go to a Taylor Swift concert because it makes your date happy. Be willing to have female friends (the absolute best wingmen on Earth). Put yourself in situations where you will meet real women in the real world. Most importantly, don't be fucking creepy.
This is the secret sauce to meeting a ton of women without having to break your legs. Ladies, you don't have to do crazy shit either. Plenty of decent guys out there.
People who are happily meeting other people are rarely overthinking it. They're out there living their life. You gotta do some extrovert stuff but just relax.
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Comment on Guilt and video games in ~health.mental
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentSimilar approach to what I do. Whenever I feel this way, I think of how many people are out there right now arguing about any topic under the sun. From conspiracy theorist bloggers to carpenters...Similar approach to what I do.
Whenever I feel this way, I think of how many people are out there right now arguing about any topic under the sun. From conspiracy theorist bloggers to carpenters and scientists - everyone has an opinion, and most questions don't have one correct answer (particularly as you move away from hard sciences - the best way to live your life is very far from being a hard science).
My brain is full of conflicting voices, opinions, and ideals, and they're all just bloggers, journalists, and scientists sharing their views. I have to decide if one or more of those opinions are valuable and useful to me based on whatever information I have, but in the end I get to choose whose advice I want to take.
Sometimes I'll catch my mom's voice in my head or feel guilty about something - probably installed in me when I went to church as a kid or whatever. That is a garbage blogger being annoying. I close it out just like I would a Fox news article. Not interested.
The video game thing, I mean, do what makes you happy. Double check that someone didn't instill guilt into you. If you actually feel like it's not a good use of time, then cut back accordingly. But if you set aside societal expectations and all the other garbage, you will see that life doesn't come with instructions or pre-set goals. You live ONE TIME and it's up to you to decide what this all means, what's important, what you want to do with your time, etc.
In 100 years, John CEOs accomplishments will mean exactly the same as your video game achievements - shit.
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Comment on How are you planning for a potentially bleaker future? in ~life
Wolf_359 Link ParentDon't worry, your legacy will be the same as everyone else's. Even if humanity does survive, there will come a day when nobody has ever heard of Jesus or Elvis.Don't worry, your legacy will be the same as everyone else's.
Even if humanity does survive, there will come a day when nobody has ever heard of Jesus or Elvis.
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Comment on What have you been listening to this week? in ~music
Wolf_359 LinkTiger's Jaw. I think this band does for me what American Football does for other people (I could never get into them). I've definitely been able to tap into that good/productive sadness this week...I think this band does for me what American Football does for other people (I could never get into them). I've definitely been able to tap into that good/productive sadness this week and work through some negative emotions with Tiger's Jaw.
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Comment on How are you different than you were ten years ago? in ~talk
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentYeah, I have a glass of wine on Christmas and a bowl hit on the annual camping trip without a problem. I guess you and I are lucky because a lot of the ex-junkies I know can't drink, gamble, etc....Yeah, I have a glass of wine on Christmas and a bowl hit on the annual camping trip without a problem. I guess you and I are lucky because a lot of the ex-junkies I know can't drink, gamble, etc. without falling completely off the wagon. Compared to opiates, everything else just feels like a dirty high to me, so other drugs don't really have that type of hold on me (in fact, I just don't care about them at all).
Anyway, congrats! Life is so much better without heroin. I look back and I cannot fucking believe how much has changed. I genuinely don't think anyone I've met in the last 5-or-so years would actually believe I was a drug addict. I'm a real suburban dad and middle school teacher now. So much easier than the life i was living before.
Hope you're doing well.
P.S. Nicotine is the devil's little brother. I also cannot get off it. Harder to quit than heroin because the consequences aren't as immediate.
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Comment on How are you different than you were ten years ago? in ~talk
Wolf_359 Link ParentHell yeah to you too. How much time you got? I'm coming up on 8 years now without dope and 4 years without subs.Hell yeah to you too.
How much time you got? I'm coming up on 8 years now without dope and 4 years without subs.
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Comment on How are you different than you were ten years ago? in ~talk
Wolf_359 Link ParentHaha, no it's a good question. I use zero heroin, which is way less than I used to use. I never met anyone who just uses a little. It's kind of an all-or-nothing type of drug.Haha, no it's a good question. I use zero heroin, which is way less than I used to use.
I never met anyone who just uses a little. It's kind of an all-or-nothing type of drug.
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Comment on How are you different than you were ten years ago? in ~talk
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Comment on I don't really cry. I'm fine. in ~life.men
Wolf_359 (edited )LinkI lost the ability to cry sometime around 2017. I genuinely wonder if I have brain damage from chronic use of hard drugs back then, as my hands also shake ever so slightly and doctors say it's not...I lost the ability to cry sometime around 2017. I genuinely wonder if I have brain damage from chronic use of hard drugs back then, as my hands also shake ever so slightly and doctors say it's not a recognizable tremor disorder.
I can feel sad or happy but I think I've only mustered two ten-second crying sessions in those years.
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Comment on The future of forums is lies, I guess in ~tech
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Comment on Playtiles: The pocket-sized gaming platform in ~games
Wolf_359 LinkTook the plunge and ordered one. I'll let you all know how it is when I get it.Took the plunge and ordered one.
I'll let you all know how it is when I get it.
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Comment on US Senate passes Donald Trump’s megabill after pulling all-nighter in ~society
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentWhen I sit down and think about the best articles I've ever read including blog posts and essays, the Atlantic is responsible for probably a third or half of them. Some of my favorites aren't even...When I sit down and think about the best articles I've ever read including blog posts and essays, the Atlantic is responsible for probably a third or half of them.
Some of my favorites aren't even particularly important or historically significant on a large scale. But the articles are just so in-depth and engaging that they end up sticking with me.
One that stands out to me is What really happened to Malaysia's missing airplane
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Comment on AI videos have never been better: can you tell what's real? in ~tech
Wolf_359 Link ParentI was making a Cold War Space Race display for my classroom the other day and kept coming across AI-generated images, as well as images that were just mislabeled. It was very difficult to sort...I was making a Cold War Space Race display for my classroom the other day and kept coming across AI-generated images, as well as images that were just mislabeled. It was very difficult to sort through what was real and I ended up having to rely on the BBC and a few other centralized/trusted sources.
It made me realize we are probably pretty close to the point where history becomes a really huge problem. It's easy to verify the Holocaust right now but in just a few short decades there won't be any living people who have even met a survivor. What happens when AI creates so much bullshit that you can't even tell whether a book was actually published before the invention of AI? What happens when a museum or credible news organization mistakenly adds a fake WW2 photo to their virtual tour and people start to wonder if any of it really happened?
I suspect there will be a solution - probably some combination of digital signatures and harsh laws. But I'm not excited about what happens in the meantime.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
Wolf_359 Link ParentThanks!!! I'll check a few of these out. What would you say is the most engaging one to start with? What's the one that can grab anyone and keep them invested right away? I'll start there.Thanks!!! I'll check a few of these out. What would you say is the most engaging one to start with? What's the one that can grab anyone and keep them invested right away? I'll start there.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
Wolf_359 (edited )Link ParentNice! What other books should I read this summer? Seems like we have similar tastes. I'm a teacher, so my summer job(s) are manual labor with plenty of time for audiobooks.Nice! What other books should I read this summer? Seems like we have similar tastes.
I'm a teacher, so my summer job(s) are manual labor with plenty of time for audiobooks.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
Wolf_359 Link ParentBlood Meridian is definitely a slow start so far. I find that there are parts I'm very interested in, and then a conversation or description of travel will make me lose focus. I didn't find that...Blood Meridian is definitely a slow start so far.
I find that there are parts I'm very interested in, and then a conversation or description of travel will make me lose focus. I didn't find that happening with the road because it was so intense.
I skipped No Country for Old Men specifically because I've seen the movie so many times. You think I'd still enjoy it then? You may have convinced me to make it my next read. Suppose I might as well read through all of McCarthy's top few books.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
Wolf_359 LinkJust finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Working on Blood Meridian now. Always meant to get around to McCarthy's work. Finally doing it. Really, really enjoying the experience. I'm hesitant to...Just finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy.
Working on Blood Meridian now.
Always meant to get around to McCarthy's work. Finally doing it. Really, really enjoying the experience. I'm hesitant to read a lot of "The Greats" because I find that critically acclaimed books are often pretentious and just...not enjoyable. Not the case here at all. Although, these novels are dark enough that "enjoyable" may not be an appropriate word for everyone.
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Comment on Possible site bug: Cannot send PM with moose emoji as the subject in ~tildes
Wolf_359 Link ParentThat tracks! I'm usually almost correct.That tracks! I'm usually almost correct.
I hope this information is inaccurate. Without getting into "that" too deeply, all I will say is that I would be concerned about trans folks's safety if things were normal right now. Things are not normal right now. Stay safe please. Use the buddy system.
My plan as a straight white guy is just to speak up loudly if I hear any nonsense. But if there is more I should be doing, let me know.