By clicking this link and reading this topic, you find yourself under a grave and terrible thread. The only way to defend yourself here is to lower yourself to punitive measures, and engage in wordplay in mass corruption. All is fair in pun and warfare, but do remember your actions are your pwn, and that there are no winners here. Only broken arts, and shattered themes.

(Just make puns.)

If you're not familiar with them, a "Tom Swifty" is a punny sentence that involves a quote by a person named Tom which is the setup for landing a pun in the description of the quote's delivery (often but not necessarily a single adverb).

For example:

"This water is freezing," Tom said icily.

"I'm going to hit this piñata as hard as I can!" said Tom, bashfully.

"Nevermore," Tom said ravenously.

"I like tart fruits," said Tom with aplomb.

Really good Tom Swifties are often not immediately obvious, have a fantastic setup, or are simply really clever (mine are alright, though it's certainly possible to do far better).

You can get a more full picture and better examples from Wikipedia, but I encourage you to tread lightly there and in searches because it's way more fun to think of them and share them in threads like these than it is to pull up lists of them online. Just reading previously written ones kind of spoils the fun, IMO.

Anyway, let's see what great Tom Swities we can write!

I'm a terrible writer, in part because I've got that epistemophiliac adoration for obscure, archaic or onomatopoeic words, word-play, and more pedantry than most audiences can bear.

That being said, I think it would be a fun exercise to create and justify new words. A broad range of examples can be found here.

I'm suggesting this both to give serious writers new tools, and as a light-hearted lower-but-not-low effort community-building exercise to include those who don't consider themselves writers yet.

Rules:

1. Any subject matter, though I'd prefer we kept this SFW.
2. The "logos", or rationale, of the neologism should need little explanation, or be presented in the context of usage, e.g. "asshat", "we're not leaving town, we're staycationing this year."
3. English language is not required - if you can make a logical creole word and provide English justification, that's fine.
4. Please Google to ensure originality.
5. Puns are going to happen. If that's a problem for you, please refrain from complaint unless you feel there's unnecessary cruelty outside the bounds of Tildes' terms of use.

Here's a starter:

mortlifting - abusing the occasion of a celebrity's death to make an unrelated political point.