I am torn on this. I'm neurodivergent (ND)- ADHD specifically (and I don't love that the article contrasts neurodivergent with allistic because they're not mutually exclusive) - and yes people...
Exemplary
I am torn on this. I'm neurodivergent (ND)- ADHD specifically (and I don't love that the article contrasts neurodivergent with allistic because they're not mutually exclusive) - and yes people should absolutely be more thoughtful of how ND people interact with the world. But just because we're ND doesn't mean we're absolved from causing harm to others.
If my intent is to offer support and what the recipient hears and feels is unsolicited criticism, that is a miscommunication but it's not just their fault for not understanding I'm ND. It's miscommunicating on both sides.
I've absolutely been the recipient of a lot of unrequested criticism, particularly from men in the workplace. Who also insist that they "just wanted to help."
I don't think the original tweet is ableist because I think hyperbole is a valid rhetorical device. I can't speak to the referenced presentation because I obviously lack the full context.
However I do think that communication requires effort and understanding from all parties involved. And responding to (perceived or actual) unwanted criticism with a "hey that isn't what I need right now, that hurt" is valid. ND people are capable of learning how our words and actions can be hurtful and adjusting them. Or apologizing when we screw up. And I don't always want "advice" either. Sometimes I just want to be sad about something. Or I'm excitedly sharing a fun thing I learned during a rabbit hole.
I don't know, but it rubs me the wrong way and feels like a mix of privilege and lack of consideration for others. So I guess I'm not that torn, I think it's not a good take even if it starts off discussing something useful.
Edited for missing a word. Probably other typos too as I catch them.
This is the most important context that may or may not be missing from that tweet. The curse of Twitter’s format is how it forces terse, biting, contextless messages. Was the original speaker...
hyperbole is a valid rhetorical device
This is the most important context that may or may not be missing from that tweet. The curse of Twitter’s format is how it forces terse, biting, contextless messages. Was the original speaker using hyperbole or not? Was the tweet’s author exaggerating the original speaker’s words? Was it popular on Twitter because users misread it?
I would guess that most people reading the tweet don't know anything more about what really happened, and therefore we can probably assume that the tweet's popularity is due to the tweet itself...
I would guess that most people reading the tweet don't know anything more about what really happened, and therefore we can probably assume that the tweet's popularity is due to the tweet itself and independent of whatever original intent there was.
That is, it's about what the reader thinks of the meme. Whatever "intent" we see is the reader's own interpretation.
Thinking about this like an epidemiologist, what happens as the result of a tweet is often independent of its origins, and could be thought of as a vulnerability: what tweets are we susceptible to and likely to spread?
This susceptibilty is based on context: what else have you learned? How does this affect how you interpret things? A story about the tweet's origins would change the context in which it's interpreted.
Which is why I feel as a tweet itself, it isn't inherently ableist. It's might be all sorts of things but I may make a rhetorical point via hyperbole even if I acknowledge all sorts of caveats....
Which is why I feel as a tweet itself, it isn't inherently ableist. It's might be all sorts of things but I may make a rhetorical point via hyperbole even if I acknowledge all sorts of caveats.
But you're correct that more information, which absolutely none of us have, would inevitably change interprétations. But since we don't it sort of doesn't matter. It stands alone
Seems to be a whole heaping helping of false dichotomy / fallacy of bifurcation put forth in this article. What is presented by the author as allistic disregard for the experiences of...
Seems to be a whole heaping helping of false dichotomy / fallacy of bifurcation put forth in this article. What is presented by the author as allistic disregard for the experiences of neurodivergent people is more a matter of differences in individuals’ preferences in socializing based largely in personality across a very wide spectrum.
Neither people who are neurodivergent, nor those who are allistic, are a monolith; nuance and shades of experience must be taken into account. So for the author to imply that all of either ‘group’ (and, fwiw, I don’t actually believe these two particular groups to so neatly and discretely exist at all, anyway) absolutely acts in alignment with his ideas about them in regards to this issue is just… ridiculous. That tweet was harmless.
Dude has a bone to pick, clearly, so perhaps it’s best simply to chalk this one up to a ranting designed less to educate or inform, and more to let off steam from a backlog of misplaced bitterness.
The tweet being discussed seems like peak Twitter to me. Take a provocative, divisive statement and spend most of the tweet celebrating it, making it seem like a bigger deal than it is. It’s like...
The tweet being discussed seems like peak Twitter to me. Take a provocative, divisive statement and spend most of the tweet celebrating it, making it seem like a bigger deal than it is. It’s like the common movie scene where everyone claps at the end.
I am diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. I definitely struggled with giving people unsolicited advice. I have to say that I really do think it is a rude and inconsiderate thing to do and I’m even...
I am diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. I definitely struggled with giving people unsolicited advice. I have to say that I really do think it is a rude and inconsiderate thing to do and I’m even saying this from an autistic perspective. There’s been many times in my life, especially as an adult, that I have thought very deeply about something for a long time, developing a philosophy about it, and then actually try to implement it in my life. It’s often a very unconventional way of doing things, something I’m usually almost painfully aware of, so I get pretty excited when I am successful and tend to infodump to people I care about. Sometimes, it feels like they completely ignore everything I’m saying, tell me how I SHOULD be doing things. I find it extremely frustrating and hurtful honestly. It doesn’t make me feel respected. That’s what unsolicited advice is. And ironically it’s usually neurotypicals doing it to me, so basically the complete opposite problem that this article complains about.
I also want to say, I have never heard anyone characterize something like “hey I found this information that I thought might be useful to you” as rude in my entire life until that tiktok video I personally found incredibly unrelatable, and it’s definitely not even an example of unsolicited advice. Honestly, it’s messed up that people think those of us who struggle with autism are lacking empathy or something, when it’s really just struggling to actually put yourself in other people’s shoes in a much more abstract sense. It is something that I have no shame in saying autism made me struggle with, it’s something I had to work on, because it did lead me to doing and saying things that were genuinely rude and inconsiderate. But it’s not like a character flaw or something.
Looking at this as a software developer (independent of my neurodivergence) I can't imagine not giving someone as much info as possible when handing over a project. And my colleagues haven't yet...
Looking at this as a software developer (independent of my neurodivergence) I can't imagine not giving someone as much info as possible when handing over a project. And my colleagues haven't yet handed a project over to me wothout doing the same.
I do try to avoid stepping on anyone's toes regarding work that's in progress or already done, but the contributions I do make have always been appreciated.
So this probably says more about neurotypical idiosyncrasies than about ours.
That's quite different than, say, talking to a stranger at a party, though. You don't have to tell them anything in particular. Conversation is about finding mutual interests, and I like to look...
That's quite different than, say, talking to a stranger at a party, though. You don't have to tell them anything in particular. Conversation is about finding mutual interests, and I like to look for positive feedback (asking questions) before going into depth.
In Internet forums, we lack feedback while writing something, but also, the cost of dumping more info than needed is low (you can skim), so I think people shouldn't be too quick to take offense.
A more frustrating interaction is a "pile on" which happens in many-to-one interactions because you don't know what's already been said, or people feel like they need to respond anyway, and it can get very repetitive. Feedback adds up a lot faster online.
I think this was an interesting article. As I learn more about my own neurodivergence, I look back on experiences and interactions. Many make much more sense through the lens of ableism and...
I think this was an interesting article. As I learn more about my own neurodivergence, I look back on experiences and interactions. Many make much more sense through the lens of ableism and neurodivergence.
As a schizotype, I think that was a pretty lousy article. If you're trying to get a message out you have to avoid neologisms. As it is I have a clear idea that he's angry but that's about it.
As a schizotype, I think that was a pretty lousy article. If you're trying to get a message out you have to avoid neologisms. As it is I have a clear idea that he's angry but that's about it.
What words would it help to clarify? It made sense to me* but I'm in a lot of Neurodivergent/Autistic/ADHD online spaces. *I mean I disagree with the bottom line but I understand the author
What words would it help to clarify? It made sense to me* but I'm in a lot of Neurodivergent/Autistic/ADHD online spaces.
*I mean I disagree with the bottom line but I understand the author
“Allistic” for one thing, but it is more the cumulative effect of those words as opposed to the missing meanings. Maybe it is my condition but I tend to collect obscure words and reuse them and...
“Allistic” for one thing, but it is more the cumulative effect of those words as opposed to the missing meanings.
Maybe it is my condition but I tend to collect obscure words and reuse them and get accused of making them up but it is like
there was the time in grad school that I called the ordinary isotope of hydrogen “protium” (as opposed to deuterium or tritium) in a lab and the prof said in my A Exam that he thought I’d made it up but he looked in a reference book and sure enough it was for real.
This is something different that makes me think of the essay about Newspeak at the end of Orwell’s 1984 in which he talks about engineering language to constrict the political imagination. My first take on neologism-loaded political speech is “Isn’t the magic of language that you can put together existing words to communicate anything?”. I certainly find the vocabulary of groups like BDSM and polyamorists offputting “You mean I am only allowed to desire something on this checklist?”. Yet, Orwell describes a state that wants to minimize the set of words and have people compose them in particular ways (instead of “horrible”, it is “double plus ungood”.
The worst practitioner is the Church of Scientology which trains people to use a special vocabulary as part of a systematic effort to disconnect victims from friends, family and anyone who could snap them out of their spell. You can read a lot of books and watch a lot of videos but an outsider finds it almost impossible to “pass” as a Scientologist.
This piece comes across as essentially mimetic, maybe what Orwell called “duckspeak” back in the day. There is a reason why they called fans of the Rush Limbaugh Show “dittoheads” and from online activism on USENET back in 2000 (helped put a publicly traded company out of business) I found it was highly effective to work a crowd to cultivate this kind of communication.
Today though there is a movement but often no “change”, this kind of behavior is self reinforcing in the same sense that a dog takes pleasure in barking. The message I hear is that people are divided into an ingroup and an outgroup, our side is with the angels, their side is with the devils and anyone who doesn’t agree with us can be othered, as L. Ron Hubbard puts it
deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without
any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued, lied to or destroyed.
So I don't see the same level of concern in the use of sub-culture specific jargon. I think it's far from the same as "cultish" language (and excellent book) but I do acknowledge that language can...
So I don't see the same level of concern in the use of sub-culture specific jargon. I think it's far from the same as "cultish" language (and excellent book) but I do acknowledge that language can be used as a method of control.
Allistic means not-autistic. It's a way to avoid value laden words like "normal". Neurotypical vs neurodivergent is not exclusive to Autism. So I am allistic but not neurotypical.
As someone that has slid in and out of many online communities, and not really any that controlled people via language (I'm polyamorous and have been in BDSM spaces and don't quite understand what you mean about how you're "only allowed" to like something on the checklist?) It's just learning the local slang. I don't think it's anything like duckspeak.
It's probably fine in some contexts, but I did have to look that word up. I try to avoid jargon, so I would write "people who aren't autistic" rather than introducing a new term unnecessarily.
It's probably fine in some contexts, but I did have to look that word up. I try to avoid jargon, so I would write "people who aren't autistic" rather than introducing a new term unnecessarily.
I have heard the same argument made against the term cisgender. "Why do we need a term for it?" – with the implication being that we don't need a word for what some consider the "default." Having...
I have heard the same argument made against the term cisgender. "Why do we need a term for it?" – with the implication being that we don't need a word for what some consider the "default." Having a term for allistic makes autistic feel less like an outlier, which is important for destigmatization.
I'm in a lot of Neurodivergent online communities so I was already familiar. An explanatory comma would go a long way. And perhaps that author writes to an autistic or ND audience and thus doesn't...
I'm in a lot of Neurodivergent online communities so I was already familiar. An explanatory comma would go a long way. And perhaps that author writes to an autistic or ND audience and thus doesn't need to explain often.
But much like how straight and cis have entered our vocabularies instead of "people who aren't queer or trans" I think it's best practice to use the term. I'd even suggest "non-autistic people" over person first language as this seems to be a strong opinion for autistic folks to use identity first language. But YMMV
As one of the many Tilders with ADHD, moderating my speech is one of the hardest difficulties I face in life. Left to my own devices, it is extremely difficult for me to read what is adequate to...
As one of the many Tilders with ADHD, moderating my speech is one of the hardest difficulties I face in life. Left to my own devices, it is extremely difficult for me to read what is adequate to say in any given situation, as well as understand when is my turn to talk, and when I should listen.
This is somewhat mitigated by my natural proclivity to learn and understand language itself, in its logical and semantic components, but other aspects of human communication are, to me, quite obscure.
It's like I'm wearing a diving helmet in deep sea, while everyone else is swimming freely like fish. I can communicate with them, but communication is limited by what I can see or hear through the glass. Not everything comes through and I have to fill in the blanks on the fly with my own speculation.
For most of my life, I was unable to filter my "unsolicited advice", and that came at great expense to my own development, be it personal, academic, professional, or otherwise. Turns out that most people do not enjoy being grilled about every minor infraction in their language or their reasoning -- especially in a group setting.
I'm sure it doesn't seem that way to some readers because I often fail still, but I am actually much better and positive in writing than I am in live situations. Here, I can edit a comment before anyone reacts. By its very nature, text allows me to function more or less like a normal human being.
From what I can gather, the article is talking about a tendency some neurodivergent have to share unsolicited advice, providing a counter to the affirmation that all unsolicited advice is criticism, which I interpreted as all unsolicited advice has the same effect as criticism, and, consequently, that all unsolicited advice elicits unpleasant emotions upon its recipient.
I'll be charitable, because taking the statement at face value is just not very interesting, as it is so obviously false.
So, in responding to the sentence all unsolicited advice elicits unpleasant emotions upon its recipient, I can say that this is a problem that can be solved.
First, neurodivergent are capable of learning, as there is no evidence that we lack intelligence. I mean, I suppose most ADHD people would fail an IQ test without medication, but might excel when properly treated. So let's focus on the latter group plus all the others in the neurodivergent group.
If neurodivergent are intelligent, it stands to reason that they can learn difficult stuff. Even things that seem impossible at any given point. And, while it is sometimes difficult to avoid giving advice, I'm certain we can at least learn to do so in a way that does not evoke negative emotions in the recipient, and I'm sure that some people will even show an appreciation for the fact that we're genuinely trying.
A lot of times I write something, then realize I'm sounding like a jerk, or that I am sounding more emotional than I actually am, and edit to not sound like a jerk, often with an emoji of some kind.
So yeah, I don't expect anyone to give me a pass, but maybe give another a chance.
And just so everyone knows if you see a random ;) at the end of my comments, this is me really trying to counter my natural tendency to talk like a robot and make people angry.
Who are you and how long have you been living inside my brain? :) Seriously, if I was a bit more eloquent, I would have posted this exact comment. All that time you spend learning about language...
Who are you and how long have you been living inside my brain? :)
Seriously, if I was a bit more eloquent, I would have posted this exact comment. All that time you spend learning about language itself must be paying off.
It seems like you and the person who wrote this article have a long history of giving unsolicited advice. I don't think I have had as much of an issue with that in my life. That being said, I have been re-examining my memories through the lens of neurodivergence and masking over the last few months, and I have been seeing many times where my ADHD affected my life without me understanding. To add to that, my dad is the only neurotypical in my direct family, and he is pretty chill about advice. So its also possible that unsolicited advice just wasn't as taboo in my life.
There is another aspect of ADHD that I think is similar to this unsolicited criticism. I have a coworker who also has pretty extreme ADHD, and I see this with her a lot. When someone proposes an idea, we almost instantly bring up all the possible issues with that idea. I think ADHD people experience roadblocks and setbacks more acutely than non-ADHD people. So I think this is just our brains moving so fast and seeing all possible roadblocks to try and avoid them. Frequently this gets misinterpreted as not wanting to do the idea or not believing in the idea. I have been told that I hated ideas that I actually really liked because of this.
Also it is interesting that you try to understand and learn language so much. It is definitely something I do as well. I don't think it is true for all ADHD brains, but I wonder if that trait is more common in people with ADHD? It also sometimes combines with ADHD quite poorly. Often I will try and use an unusual word that fits perfectly, but I will forget that word. Then someone else will propose a word that is perfectly acceptable and really close, but my brain refuses to continue until I remember that perfect word.
So yeah, I don't expect anyone to give me a pass, but maybe give another a chance.
I really really like this as a takeaway. I actually think it encompasses more about my neurodivergence than just advice and emotion. I don't want any free passes in life. I want an understanding that things that you (the royal you, mostly neurotypicals) found easy are not easy for me. I am happy to work and improve on these things. But don't expect me to do it overnight because you have always done it without thinking.
I am torn on this. I'm neurodivergent (ND)- ADHD specifically (and I don't love that the article contrasts neurodivergent with allistic because they're not mutually exclusive) - and yes people should absolutely be more thoughtful of how ND people interact with the world. But just because we're ND doesn't mean we're absolved from causing harm to others.
If my intent is to offer support and what the recipient hears and feels is unsolicited criticism, that is a miscommunication but it's not just their fault for not understanding I'm ND. It's miscommunicating on both sides.
I've absolutely been the recipient of a lot of unrequested criticism, particularly from men in the workplace. Who also insist that they "just wanted to help."
I don't think the original tweet is ableist because I think hyperbole is a valid rhetorical device. I can't speak to the referenced presentation because I obviously lack the full context.
However I do think that communication requires effort and understanding from all parties involved. And responding to (perceived or actual) unwanted criticism with a "hey that isn't what I need right now, that hurt" is valid. ND people are capable of learning how our words and actions can be hurtful and adjusting them. Or apologizing when we screw up. And I don't always want "advice" either. Sometimes I just want to be sad about something. Or I'm excitedly sharing a fun thing I learned during a rabbit hole.
I don't know, but it rubs me the wrong way and feels like a mix of privilege and lack of consideration for others. So I guess I'm not that torn, I think it's not a good take even if it starts off discussing something useful.
Edited for missing a word. Probably other typos too as I catch them.
This is the most important context that may or may not be missing from that tweet. The curse of Twitter’s format is how it forces terse, biting, contextless messages. Was the original speaker using hyperbole or not? Was the tweet’s author exaggerating the original speaker’s words? Was it popular on Twitter because users misread it?
I would guess that most people reading the tweet don't know anything more about what really happened, and therefore we can probably assume that the tweet's popularity is due to the tweet itself and independent of whatever original intent there was.
That is, it's about what the reader thinks of the meme. Whatever "intent" we see is the reader's own interpretation.
Thinking about this like an epidemiologist, what happens as the result of a tweet is often independent of its origins, and could be thought of as a vulnerability: what tweets are we susceptible to and likely to spread?
This susceptibilty is based on context: what else have you learned? How does this affect how you interpret things? A story about the tweet's origins would change the context in which it's interpreted.
Which is why I feel as a tweet itself, it isn't inherently ableist. It's might be all sorts of things but I may make a rhetorical point via hyperbole even if I acknowledge all sorts of caveats.
But you're correct that more information, which absolutely none of us have, would inevitably change interprétations. But since we don't it sort of doesn't matter. It stands alone
Seems to be a whole heaping helping of false dichotomy / fallacy of bifurcation put forth in this article. What is presented by the author as allistic disregard for the experiences of neurodivergent people is more a matter of differences in individuals’ preferences in socializing based largely in personality across a very wide spectrum.
Neither people who are neurodivergent, nor those who are allistic, are a monolith; nuance and shades of experience must be taken into account. So for the author to imply that all of either ‘group’ (and, fwiw, I don’t actually believe these two particular groups to so neatly and discretely exist at all, anyway) absolutely acts in alignment with his ideas about them in regards to this issue is just… ridiculous. That tweet was harmless.
Dude has a bone to pick, clearly, so perhaps it’s best simply to chalk this one up to a ranting designed less to educate or inform, and more to let off steam from a backlog of misplaced bitterness.
The tweet being discussed seems like peak Twitter to me. Take a provocative, divisive statement and spend most of the tweet celebrating it, making it seem like a bigger deal than it is. It’s like the common movie scene where everyone claps at the end.
I am diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. I definitely struggled with giving people unsolicited advice. I have to say that I really do think it is a rude and inconsiderate thing to do and I’m even saying this from an autistic perspective. There’s been many times in my life, especially as an adult, that I have thought very deeply about something for a long time, developing a philosophy about it, and then actually try to implement it in my life. It’s often a very unconventional way of doing things, something I’m usually almost painfully aware of, so I get pretty excited when I am successful and tend to infodump to people I care about. Sometimes, it feels like they completely ignore everything I’m saying, tell me how I SHOULD be doing things. I find it extremely frustrating and hurtful honestly. It doesn’t make me feel respected. That’s what unsolicited advice is. And ironically it’s usually neurotypicals doing it to me, so basically the complete opposite problem that this article complains about.
I also want to say, I have never heard anyone characterize something like “hey I found this information that I thought might be useful to you” as rude in my entire life until that tiktok video I personally found incredibly unrelatable, and it’s definitely not even an example of unsolicited advice. Honestly, it’s messed up that people think those of us who struggle with autism are lacking empathy or something, when it’s really just struggling to actually put yourself in other people’s shoes in a much more abstract sense. It is something that I have no shame in saying autism made me struggle with, it’s something I had to work on, because it did lead me to doing and saying things that were genuinely rude and inconsiderate. But it’s not like a character flaw or something.
Looking at this as a software developer (independent of my neurodivergence) I can't imagine not giving someone as much info as possible when handing over a project. And my colleagues haven't yet handed a project over to me wothout doing the same.
I do try to avoid stepping on anyone's toes regarding work that's in progress or already done, but the contributions I do make have always been appreciated.
So this probably says more about neurotypical idiosyncrasies than about ours.
Edit: or maybe about ego
That's quite different than, say, talking to a stranger at a party, though. You don't have to tell them anything in particular. Conversation is about finding mutual interests, and I like to look for positive feedback (asking questions) before going into depth.
In Internet forums, we lack feedback while writing something, but also, the cost of dumping more info than needed is low (you can skim), so I think people shouldn't be too quick to take offense.
A more frustrating interaction is a "pile on" which happens in many-to-one interactions because you don't know what's already been said, or people feel like they need to respond anyway, and it can get very repetitive. Feedback adds up a lot faster online.
I think this was an interesting article. As I learn more about my own neurodivergence, I look back on experiences and interactions. Many make much more sense through the lens of ableism and neurodivergence.
As a schizotype, I think that was a pretty lousy article. If you're trying to get a message out you have to avoid neologisms. As it is I have a clear idea that he's angry but that's about it.
What words would it help to clarify? It made sense to me* but I'm in a lot of Neurodivergent/Autistic/ADHD online spaces.
*I mean I disagree with the bottom line but I understand the author
“Allistic” for one thing, but it is more the cumulative effect of those words as opposed to the missing meanings.
Maybe it is my condition but I tend to collect obscure words and reuse them and get accused of making them up but it is like
https://tildes.net/~anime/1and/anime_manga_that_inspired_you_to_pick_up_a_new_hobby_or_something_similar#comment-awe5
there was the time in grad school that I called the ordinary isotope of hydrogen “protium” (as opposed to deuterium or tritium) in a lab and the prof said in my A Exam that he thought I’d made it up but he looked in a reference book and sure enough it was for real.
This is something different that makes me think of the essay about Newspeak at the end of Orwell’s 1984 in which he talks about engineering language to constrict the political imagination. My first take on neologism-loaded political speech is “Isn’t the magic of language that you can put together existing words to communicate anything?”. I certainly find the vocabulary of groups like BDSM and polyamorists offputting “You mean I am only allowed to desire something on this checklist?”. Yet, Orwell describes a state that wants to minimize the set of words and have people compose them in particular ways (instead of “horrible”, it is “double plus ungood”.
The worst practitioner is the Church of Scientology which trains people to use a special vocabulary as part of a systematic effort to disconnect victims from friends, family and anyone who could snap them out of their spell. You can read a lot of books and watch a lot of videos but an outsider finds it almost impossible to “pass” as a Scientologist.
This piece comes across as essentially mimetic, maybe what Orwell called “duckspeak” back in the day. There is a reason why they called fans of the Rush Limbaugh Show “dittoheads” and from online activism on USENET back in 2000 (helped put a publicly traded company out of business) I found it was highly effective to work a crowd to cultivate this kind of communication.
Today though there is a movement but often no “change”, this kind of behavior is self reinforcing in the same sense that a dog takes pleasure in barking. The message I hear is that people are divided into an ingroup and an outgroup, our side is with the angels, their side is with the devils and anyone who doesn’t agree with us can be othered, as L. Ron Hubbard puts it
So I don't see the same level of concern in the use of sub-culture specific jargon. I think it's far from the same as "cultish" language (and excellent book) but I do acknowledge that language can be used as a method of control.
Allistic means not-autistic. It's a way to avoid value laden words like "normal". Neurotypical vs neurodivergent is not exclusive to Autism. So I am allistic but not neurotypical.
As someone that has slid in and out of many online communities, and not really any that controlled people via language (I'm polyamorous and have been in BDSM spaces and don't quite understand what you mean about how you're "only allowed" to like something on the checklist?) It's just learning the local slang. I don't think it's anything like duckspeak.
It's probably fine in some contexts, but I did have to look that word up. I try to avoid jargon, so I would write "people who aren't autistic" rather than introducing a new term unnecessarily.
I have heard the same argument made against the term cisgender. "Why do we need a term for it?" – with the implication being that we don't need a word for what some consider the "default." Having a term for allistic makes autistic feel less like an outlier, which is important for destigmatization.
I'm in a lot of Neurodivergent online communities so I was already familiar. An explanatory comma would go a long way. And perhaps that author writes to an autistic or ND audience and thus doesn't need to explain often.
But much like how straight and cis have entered our vocabularies instead of "people who aren't queer or trans" I think it's best practice to use the term. I'd even suggest "non-autistic people" over person first language as this seems to be a strong opinion for autistic folks to use identity first language. But YMMV
As one of the many Tilders with ADHD, moderating my speech is one of the hardest difficulties I face in life. Left to my own devices, it is extremely difficult for me to read what is adequate to say in any given situation, as well as understand when is my turn to talk, and when I should listen.
This is somewhat mitigated by my natural proclivity to learn and understand language itself, in its logical and semantic components, but other aspects of human communication are, to me, quite obscure.
It's like I'm wearing a diving helmet in deep sea, while everyone else is swimming freely like fish. I can communicate with them, but communication is limited by what I can see or hear through the glass. Not everything comes through and I have to fill in the blanks on the fly with my own speculation.
For most of my life, I was unable to filter my "unsolicited advice", and that came at great expense to my own development, be it personal, academic, professional, or otherwise. Turns out that most people do not enjoy being grilled about every minor infraction in their language or their reasoning -- especially in a group setting.
I'm sure it doesn't seem that way to some readers because I often fail still, but I am actually much better and positive in writing than I am in live situations. Here, I can edit a comment before anyone reacts. By its very nature, text allows me to function more or less like a normal human being.
From what I can gather, the article is talking about a tendency some neurodivergent have to share unsolicited advice, providing a counter to the affirmation that all unsolicited advice is criticism, which I interpreted as all unsolicited advice has the same effect as criticism, and, consequently, that all unsolicited advice elicits unpleasant emotions upon its recipient.
I'll be charitable, because taking the statement at face value is just not very interesting, as it is so obviously false.
So, in responding to the sentence all unsolicited advice elicits unpleasant emotions upon its recipient, I can say that this is a problem that can be solved.
First, neurodivergent are capable of learning, as there is no evidence that we lack intelligence. I mean, I suppose most ADHD people would fail an IQ test without medication, but might excel when properly treated. So let's focus on the latter group plus all the others in the neurodivergent group.
If neurodivergent are intelligent, it stands to reason that they can learn difficult stuff. Even things that seem impossible at any given point. And, while it is sometimes difficult to avoid giving advice, I'm certain we can at least learn to do so in a way that does not evoke negative emotions in the recipient, and I'm sure that some people will even show an appreciation for the fact that we're genuinely trying.
A lot of times I write something, then realize I'm sounding like a jerk, or that I am sounding more emotional than I actually am, and edit to not sound like a jerk, often with an emoji of some kind.
So yeah, I don't expect anyone to give me a pass, but maybe give another a chance.
And just so everyone knows if you see a random
;)at the end of my comments, this is me really trying to counter my natural tendency to talk like a robot and make people angry.;)
Who are you and how long have you been living inside my brain? :)
Seriously, if I was a bit more eloquent, I would have posted this exact comment. All that time you spend learning about language itself must be paying off.
It seems like you and the person who wrote this article have a long history of giving unsolicited advice. I don't think I have had as much of an issue with that in my life. That being said, I have been re-examining my memories through the lens of neurodivergence and masking over the last few months, and I have been seeing many times where my ADHD affected my life without me understanding. To add to that, my dad is the only neurotypical in my direct family, and he is pretty chill about advice. So its also possible that unsolicited advice just wasn't as taboo in my life.
There is another aspect of ADHD that I think is similar to this unsolicited criticism. I have a coworker who also has pretty extreme ADHD, and I see this with her a lot. When someone proposes an idea, we almost instantly bring up all the possible issues with that idea. I think ADHD people experience roadblocks and setbacks more acutely than non-ADHD people. So I think this is just our brains moving so fast and seeing all possible roadblocks to try and avoid them. Frequently this gets misinterpreted as not wanting to do the idea or not believing in the idea. I have been told that I hated ideas that I actually really liked because of this.
Also it is interesting that you try to understand and learn language so much. It is definitely something I do as well. I don't think it is true for all ADHD brains, but I wonder if that trait is more common in people with ADHD? It also sometimes combines with ADHD quite poorly. Often I will try and use an unusual word that fits perfectly, but I will forget that word. Then someone else will propose a word that is perfectly acceptable and really close, but my brain refuses to continue until I remember that perfect word.
I really really like this as a takeaway. I actually think it encompasses more about my neurodivergence than just advice and emotion. I don't want any free passes in life. I want an understanding that things that you (the royal you, mostly neurotypicals) found easy are not easy for me. I am happy to work and improve on these things. But don't expect me to do it overnight because you have always done it without thinking.