I've read plenty of books that have helped me understand both myself and my place in the world over years. I just don't think any of them ever came from the self-help category. Which isn't to say...
I've read plenty of books that have helped me understand both myself and my place in the world over years. I just don't think any of them ever came from the self-help category. Which isn't to say there aren't good books of the type out there, it's just a category so overrun with the type of BS you describe that it feels impossible to sort the wheat from the chaff.
That being said, I 100% think that Vivec not only truly achieved CHIM, but that he alone among the Elder Scrolls characters so far came to understand that he was not just the product of a dreaming godhead, but the actuality that he was an NPC in a video game. He knew his role was to be defeated, but also that it truly didn't mean his end, as long as the dreamer keeps dreaming. I read a great essay about this years ago, I'll see if I can find the link.
This is so true for business books. Some guy has a successful company (probably because they either started out rich or got lucky), and now they're trying to "impart their wisdom". People promote...
This is so true for business books. Some guy has a successful company (probably because they either started out rich or got lucky), and now they're trying to "impart their wisdom". People promote them and name drop them because they worship success. If we all admitted that it was mostly luck and privilege, it would be too hard to put up with the toxic work culture, the shitty bosses, and the moral compromise for a dream that's just a roll of the dice. As Sam Thielman said, worshiping Cthulu doesn't save you, it just means you get eaten last.
So many self help and business books should have just been a podcast episode. They padded it out into chapters and dressed it up with anecdotes to make it thick enough to be convincing on the shelf. But the central idea is right there in chapter one or two. So that's what I do. I find a podcast where they are a guest and listen to them talk about their book.
Generally if I'm buying someone's nonfiction book, it's because I want to support their work, even if I have no intention of reading it.
Edit to add:
Tirade aside, The Body Keeps The Score is a big one about trauma and recovery.
It's like googling for cooking or a hobby: because just about anyone can write on the topic, the field is saturated with 'meh'. Take the same strategy: it's much better to find a kind person who...
It's like googling for cooking or a hobby: because just about anyone can write on the topic, the field is saturated with 'meh'. Take the same strategy: it's much better to find a kind person who has their life in order first, then follow them and see if they have written anything. It doesn't have to be self help either: their insightfulness, kindness and experiences are naturally inspiring and healing to read about.
For example I recently read Michelle Obama's The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times. I wasn't looking for a self help book and this one isn't pretending to be. But Michelle Obama is a person who worked super hard, seems like a genuinely kind person, and this book talks about the time her and Barrack Obama had to leave the white house to that man because the country chose that after their terms, and then the pandemic hit. It's a gentle book on how to pick up the pieces after hope seems to fade into bleakness.
Sometimes the self help books feature these ....steps....that just aren't helpful.
Signposts left by those who have been on this trail might help, when we can recognize them. But exact instructions, like, put your foot here on this since eroded rock, and stretch your full 8 feet to grab this next ledge... Less helpful.
"Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand." -- C S Lewis, A Grief Observed
The thing I have found most frustrating about self help books is the certainty tone they are written, "so easy, no skill involved! Be consoled and of good cheer this is a totally solvable situation!", such that if I fail to help myself, the blame lies only with me.
These days, I prefer reading hagiographies. I'm not required to believe they are literal truth; often times they end in death rather than earthly victory; and they are stories of men and women struggling not because they have the wherewithal to save themselves/others or change a regime or usher in peace on earth, but because they just find the right thing to do on that / each particular day. I find this attitude the only reasonable action left in the face of climate collapse.
Yeah. I have found some useful self help books on niche topics like procrastination that are actually written by experts. When Jane Burka says she spent her entire career counseling...
Yeah. I have found some useful self help books on niche topics like procrastination that are actually written by experts. When Jane Burka says she spent her entire career counseling procrastinators, that is specific enough that it means something.
You could google the author or check them on linkedin... If they teach at a major university that might be a proxy for expertise.
As a general rule I dislike self-help books of any sort. How to be more productive (just do it, duh), how to organize your trauma and clean out your closet (have you tried just doing it?), and all...
As a general rule I dislike self-help books of any sort. How to be more productive (just do it, duh), how to organize your trauma and clean out your closet (have you tried just doing it?), and all the rest of them on topics from adventuring, to self-love, or curing your goldfish's anxiety. Maybe I'm just overly suspicious. But to me, any self-help book I've ever been borrowed, that I've bought and regretted, that I've requested from the library...none of them actually taught me how to self-help. It merely looked at me and said, "Ah, you silly, helpless person. Here, have 5 steps on curing your procrastination," and left me to it. In my mind, self-help books are recipes but you have none of the ingredients. It's not exactly helpful...unless you just like to read recipes. (Which hey, fair enough. Some people DO like that.)
What works for me might not work for you especially if you are looking for a guided meditation, a discovery on the brain patterns of the neurodiverse, or whatever. But I just like finding books that inspire me - to create, to be a better person, to go somewhere new, to love my friends more, etc. And those books are everywhere in plain clothes. It's A Dog's Purpose or The Travelling Cat Chronicles that helps you love your pets a little more. The result: I have spent many hours researching the ideal tank set up for a hermit crab that isn't even mine. It's A Great Divorce - I can't remember any of the details but the feeling of it has stuck with me for years. I am not necessarily taking advice from Holden Caulfield a la The Catcher in the Rye but it reminds me to live earnestly. More results: I put aside my anxieties to apologize quickly to my friends and I let them know very often that I love them. The Lord of the Rings for learning to love your friends, to love adventure, to love goodness. I'm not quite sure what sort of self-help Catch-22 might offer and even less sure about On The Road but the point is - your best self is the one that is inspired to grow, to be more than what you are, and all the rest of it. When I am at my most anxious, my least-best-self, picking up a book and stepping outside of my brain for a little is the fastest way I've found growth.
If you despise the industry, don't participate. Step around it. Self-help can come in so many other forms other than a "Your best self is on the other side of this book - trust me!" marketing tagline slapped on some schlocky self-serving nonsense.
Disclaimer: I am not a person who loves to read recipes just to read recipes. I will be making the cake.
I've read plenty of books that have helped me understand both myself and my place in the world over years. I just don't think any of them ever came from the self-help category. Which isn't to say there aren't good books of the type out there, it's just a category so overrun with the type of BS you describe that it feels impossible to sort the wheat from the chaff.
That being said, I 100% think that Vivec not only truly achieved CHIM, but that he alone among the Elder Scrolls characters so far came to understand that he was not just the product of a dreaming godhead, but the actuality that he was an NPC in a video game. He knew his role was to be defeated, but also that it truly didn't mean his end, as long as the dreamer keeps dreaming. I read a great essay about this years ago, I'll see if I can find the link.
This is so true for business books. Some guy has a successful company (probably because they either started out rich or got lucky), and now they're trying to "impart their wisdom". People promote them and name drop them because they worship success. If we all admitted that it was mostly luck and privilege, it would be too hard to put up with the toxic work culture, the shitty bosses, and the moral compromise for a dream that's just a roll of the dice. As Sam Thielman said, worshiping Cthulu doesn't save you, it just means you get eaten last.
So many self help and business books should have just been a podcast episode. They padded it out into chapters and dressed it up with anecdotes to make it thick enough to be convincing on the shelf. But the central idea is right there in chapter one or two. So that's what I do. I find a podcast where they are a guest and listen to them talk about their book.
Generally if I'm buying someone's nonfiction book, it's because I want to support their work, even if I have no intention of reading it.
Edit to add:
Tirade aside, The Body Keeps The Score is a big one about trauma and recovery.
Abuse + book = mandatory The Body Keeps the Score.
Also the cptsd book, and authors claudia black and bradshaw. You might also check out adultchildren.org.
It's like googling for cooking or a hobby: because just about anyone can write on the topic, the field is saturated with 'meh'. Take the same strategy: it's much better to find a kind person who has their life in order first, then follow them and see if they have written anything. It doesn't have to be self help either: their insightfulness, kindness and experiences are naturally inspiring and healing to read about.
For example I recently read Michelle Obama's The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times. I wasn't looking for a self help book and this one isn't pretending to be. But Michelle Obama is a person who worked super hard, seems like a genuinely kind person, and this book talks about the time her and Barrack Obama had to leave the white house to that man because the country chose that after their terms, and then the pandemic hit. It's a gentle book on how to pick up the pieces after hope seems to fade into bleakness.
Another example is someone I followed who has a lot of deep thoughts on trauma, time and despondency, and then I found her book called Under the Laurel Tree: Grieving infertility with saints Joachim and Anna.
Sometimes the self help books feature these ....steps....that just aren't helpful.
Signposts left by those who have been on this trail might help, when we can recognize them. But exact instructions, like, put your foot here on this since eroded rock, and stretch your full 8 feet to grab this next ledge... Less helpful.
The thing I have found most frustrating about self help books is the certainty tone they are written, "so easy, no skill involved! Be consoled and of good cheer this is a totally solvable situation!", such that if I fail to help myself, the blame lies only with me.
These days, I prefer reading hagiographies. I'm not required to believe they are literal truth; often times they end in death rather than earthly victory; and they are stories of men and women struggling not because they have the wherewithal to save themselves/others or change a regime or usher in peace on earth, but because they just find the right thing to do on that / each particular day. I find this attitude the only reasonable action left in the face of climate collapse.
I think you need at least 36 for that!
You know that if Vivec were in the here and now he'd be writing self-help books. "I'm a hermaphroditic half-golden living god, and so can you!"
Yeah. I have found some useful self help books on niche topics like procrastination that are actually written by experts. When Jane Burka says she spent her entire career counseling procrastinators, that is specific enough that it means something.
You could google the author or check them on linkedin... If they teach at a major university that might be a proxy for expertise.
As a general rule I dislike self-help books of any sort. How to be more productive (just do it, duh), how to organize your trauma and clean out your closet (have you tried just doing it?), and all the rest of them on topics from adventuring, to self-love, or curing your goldfish's anxiety. Maybe I'm just overly suspicious. But to me, any self-help book I've ever been borrowed, that I've bought and regretted, that I've requested from the library...none of them actually taught me how to self-help. It merely looked at me and said, "Ah, you silly, helpless person. Here, have 5 steps on curing your procrastination," and left me to it. In my mind, self-help books are recipes but you have none of the ingredients. It's not exactly helpful...unless you just like to read recipes. (Which hey, fair enough. Some people DO like that.)
What works for me might not work for you especially if you are looking for a guided meditation, a discovery on the brain patterns of the neurodiverse, or whatever. But I just like finding books that inspire me - to create, to be a better person, to go somewhere new, to love my friends more, etc. And those books are everywhere in plain clothes. It's A Dog's Purpose or The Travelling Cat Chronicles that helps you love your pets a little more. The result: I have spent many hours researching the ideal tank set up for a hermit crab that isn't even mine. It's A Great Divorce - I can't remember any of the details but the feeling of it has stuck with me for years. I am not necessarily taking advice from Holden Caulfield a la The Catcher in the Rye but it reminds me to live earnestly. More results: I put aside my anxieties to apologize quickly to my friends and I let them know very often that I love them. The Lord of the Rings for learning to love your friends, to love adventure, to love goodness. I'm not quite sure what sort of self-help Catch-22 might offer and even less sure about On The Road but the point is - your best self is the one that is inspired to grow, to be more than what you are, and all the rest of it. When I am at my most anxious, my least-best-self, picking up a book and stepping outside of my brain for a little is the fastest way I've found growth.
If you despise the industry, don't participate. Step around it. Self-help can come in so many other forms other than a "Your best self is on the other side of this book - trust me!" marketing tagline slapped on some schlocky self-serving nonsense.
Disclaimer: I am not a person who loves to read recipes just to read recipes. I will be making the cake.