What's a psychological barrier you've recently unlocked?
For the past year, I've finally been able to have a strong, lasting, cleaning routine. It took me my whole life, but I was never able to go past my own argument of "who cares"? Who cares if the dishes aren't done? If the laundry isn't folded? Only I can judge me. It doesn't matter, ultimately.
But silently, I wasn't happy with that, and I've known I wasn't happy for years, kinda like an addict saying he'll stop but he never does.
One day earlier this year, during winter, while on a good cleaning day, I took some time to look at my old notebooks from college. I remembered a page I had written during some off-time on an internship. I had written a full page of the same line: "I like it when...". I had wanted to just do some introspection and list every thing I liked that came to mind. Stuff like "I like it when I eat pizza", "I like it when I play boardgames with my friend", etc.
Those notes were five years old, you know what was the very first thing on the page? That's right: "I like it when my apartment is clean"
It hit me like a fucking brick. I almost cried right there.
From then on, it was over. The cleaning me had won over the lazy me and I've since been able to keep a clean apartment :)
So, what's your story? How did you overcome a challenge in your life?
I've sort of realized that doing the bare minimum is a 100% more than doing nothing.
I always get caught up in preparation paralysis. Where I don't ever bother to attempt things unless there's I'm absolutely ready. And over 30+ years it results in not a lot actually getting done. And that all stems from a crippling fear of failure that was drilled in all through school, university and then corporate. It's profoundly messed up how many make-or-break situations we force kids into and never really let up.
So now I'm taking a lot of calculated chances on things that are safe to do so. And trying not to be scared of putting out things that are half baked. Its absolutely terrifying but by that point I've already got over the worst outcome of giving up.
Yes! I read the quote "if it's worth doing well, it's worth doing poorly" and it resonated with me. I also get caught up in analysis paralysis and preparation paralysis but haven't really learned to apply the "good enough is good enough" concept in some realms yet. Where it has helped me, though, is when I'm going through a rough time and don't want to bother doing something that is good for me, especially when said thing is not only good for me but repeatedly not doing it could actually cause me longterm issues I'd regret. I have to remind myself that sometimes good enough is good enough and, as you said, bare minimum is better than nothing. I decide I'll just do the bare minimum of what I need to get done, and oftentimes it ends up being more than that once I get started anyway (but either way, it's better than nothing!).
I have/had a similar problem. A coworker of mine called it by the catchy term "paralysis of analysis".
My son and I had a good cry together in my truck. He has done a lot of growing up in the past few months and we were having a chat about girls and I asked if there was anything else he wanted to talk about. He let it out that he feels sad a lot because he lost his grandparents before and during covid and never really processed the loss.
Needles to say we both ended up crying and i spent time reassuring him they loved him and would have been proud of him and I was proud that he had the courage to tell me and let me help him. To me, it showed an emotional maturity beyond his 13 years. I love him so much.
So I guess, I'd say we both learned to process our sadness.
That's a beautiful story. My parents were very emotionally reserved and I've found that the rare time that that breaks is like the sun peeking through the clouds - I've treasured when they've opened up and let me see their rawness.
Oh wow! That is quite beautiful and I also believe that he trusts you enough to open up to you about this.
You're a good father :)
That's so cool!
I've started solo traveling this summer and I have a similar mindset. It's fun to know that both options are possible though, it makes for a more matured approach. Sure, you can go fully blind now, but it's partially because of your life experience too.
I'm curious, what would say is important to prepare for a trip and what is not so important?
I'm still working on the regular and lasting cleaning schedule. :-)
For me I get overwhelmed. When I am not overwhelmed I get the demotivating thought "this will never become completely clean".
As always none of us should make the perfect the enemy of the good. Cleaner than before is not so bad.
I used to be pretty extreme about cleaning (thanks to my dad being that way as I grew up). Then we got a dog about 7 years back. Not the non-shedding kind. A golden retriever! Lots of hair and major shedding about twice a year. I’ve since change my relationship with how clean the house needs to be. As you already said, I embraced the “perfect is the enemy of good” mentality. Don’t get me wrong, I still aim for pretty sedan clean, but not to the same extent as before and I don’t stress myself over small stuff anymore.
Good job on the cleaning front. I think it’s important and a big accomplishment to create a lasting habit and perspective on that. I find the physical space I inhabit affects my psyche too. A clean space makes for a calm psyche.
For me I recently started to acknowledge the world as a place of abundance, not scarcity. This is having some interesting effects on my inner voice that tends to default to negativity, cynicism and generally a disappointment with the world - often for no good reason, just habit or remnant of an old me who was not happy and had a few addictions that were probably making me not happy.
For example, having a list of tasks that I need to complete over the weekend. Rather than thinking “damn it, more shit to do, when do I catch a break?” I now think “look how rich my life is, to have so many people who need me and a place that I can keep clean and be proud of”. Tied it the cleaning topic a little bit ;-) Just an example. Still an idea new to me but I think it has potential to rework that negative internal monologue.
Well, after dealing with an ex who isolated me from all of my friends and the resulting RSD resulting in me being burnt out on social interactions for months I decided to make a fresh start by signing up here after lurking for years! Hi y'all!
It's still bothering me even to this day especially when I keep thinking about all the ways I could have defended myself better despite my issues (PTSD, autism, ADHD) but at this point all I can really do is try to move forward.
Hey! That must have been a very difficult step for you. It's really difficult to be plagued by how you could have done things better knowing that you can't change things. But your past makes you who you are and you're being brave with taking a step forward.
I hope you keep on going!
Welcome here! :) I'm glad and proud of you that you're moving forward.