Do you practice any form of meditation?

I started meditating when I was 19, and have been meditating more or less consistently (less at the beginning, more later on) for the past 6, going on 7 years.

I grew up Mormon, and when I left I started studying different religions because I wanted to both understand people and come to a satisfying conclusion that they were as empty of truth as Mormonism. I looked into Christianity generally, Islam, Baha'i, Sikhism, Jainism and Buddhism. Probably more as well, but those are the ones I remember most. But it was reading the Dhammapada, a Theravadan Buddhist text of short sayings of the Buddha, that kind of shocked me out of how I was approaching it all. Previously I had been trying to disprove everything, but suddenly I saw that it actually held value. This is what led me to decide to meditate.

So one night I walked across the street from my apartment complex out into this area that had some hills and almost no development. There were some construction vehicles, and for some reason I decided to sit on a big pile of gravel. I had done very little research on how to meditate, I didn't count or follow my breath. If I had to compare it to any kind of meditation I'm aware of now, it was probably most similar to either shikantaza, or Dzogchen or Mahamudra present moment awareness. I sat there for the next 20-30 minutes and that was enough to convince me how useful and powerful it was.

I continued studying Buddhism, but I had no intention of being a Buddhist for a long time. I started out studying Theravada because it seemed the most down to earth and least superstitious (as time has gone on I've seen that that's not necessarily true). During this time I moved north, across the state I live in. At the time I had family and friends there and I had access to a pretty great library, and that got me into Zen and Mahayana more generally. This is around the time where I started to consider becoming a Buddhist. Then I tried reading the Lotus Sutra and that sent me the other way (I definitely wasn't ready for the more religious elements). But something made me stick with it and I kept studying Buddhism. Eventually every single one of my family and friends moved out of the area for one reason or another. So I moved back down to where I was before because I was getting really lonely.

I kept studying Mahayana in general and Zen in particular. That's when I learned about Pure Land Buddhism, and I guess what you could call voice meditation (Pure Land practices the nembutsu; it is comparable to mantra meditation but it is a little different). This was the first time I really heavily considered becoming a Buddhist. Although I had previously lived in a city that had lots of Buddhist sanghas, when I moved back "home" I was moving back to a place that had no Buddhist presence to speak of at the time, outside of a Buddhist reading group.

About two years went by and I decided to officially become a Buddhist. I had become aware of certain groups that held refuge ceremonies with the help of technology (by phone, internet broadcast/Skype etc. as well as a thriving community on Second Life of all places). So I took refuge in August of 2018, and by chance I ran into a Buddhist sangha 15 minutes away from me that had just started up about a year before. So I checked it out. It was a Tibetan Buddhist group that was associated with a well established group up north where I'd lived before. I took refuge again in December of that year, and I've practiced with that group ever since. Honestly, having a teacher involved in a traditional practice has been very helpful to me; I think too many people write that kind of thing off because of fears of religion, which, while understandable, in my opinion often gets in the way of actually learning about meditation and developing a practice in a significant way. I'm not saying everyone should be a Buddhist, but most groups will allow you to practice with them without being a member. Often when people try to figure it out on their own, they get frustrated, don't get anywhere with it, or even hurt themselves (remember when you're meditating you're dealing with your mind and literally rewiring your brain. Meditation can be harmful without guidance, particularly for people who have mental health conditions).

The Tibetan tradition has an amazingly wide array of techniques and meditation practices. All the major categories of Buddhism ended up there, so Tibetan Buddhism contains teachings and practices belonging to the Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana varieties, and they all converge into one school (actually there are 4 schools of Tibetan Buddhism, but they all individually contain Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana). So rather than listing one thing I practice it is more accurate to make a list. Tibetan practices include:

counting the breath, following the breath, focusing on an object (like a statue or painting) for shamatha/concentration meditation

physical yogas

Lojong/mind trainings

metta/loving kindness/exchanging self and others meditation, where you visualize your breath taking blessings out to people while taking there sufferings into yourself.

mantras, visualization and Dzogchen/Mahamudra

Most formal practices will have any number of these meditations, and they often contain or are directly involved with each other. For example, any mantra will have a visualization, and after any mantra and visualization comes Dzogchen or Mahamudra practice (these are referred to as creation, perfection and dissolution stages), although Dzogchen can sometimes be practiced on its own. There are lots of other practices as well, like walking meditation and sky gazing. Another common thing is to combine walking, mantra, breath and visualization. So for example, for every breath you might take one step, and say one recitation of the mantra while holding a visualization. You might hold a mala (prayer beads) in one hand, and move up a bead each time you say the mantra, while in the other hand you spin a prayer wheel.

Tibetan Buddhist practices often try to engage you as much as possible, so you're using both your hands, you're using your mouth/speech, you're moving your feet and you're focusing your mind on both the mantra and the visualization, as well as all the movement. In this way your mind is totally focused and it is almost impossible to get distracted.

As far as my own practice, I do ngondro as well as some sadhanas, all of which includes an assortment of the practices listed above. I also still do a little nembutsu practice from my Pure Land days. This went a lot longer than I meant it to, but it was nice reflecting where I am and where I've been.

I used to do mindfulness meditation (sit down, close your eyes, focus on your breath, put other thoughts out of your head) and I felt like I got something out of it. I started it because there seemed to be good research and plenty of anecdotal experience to suggest that it was something healthy and helpful. For me, meditation was about health just like getting enough sleep, exercising, eating well, etc. I stopped because life circumstances changed such that uninterrupted, undistracted time became a rare resource for me. Most of my free time is taken here and there as I can get it and usually with something else going on in the background that requires my attention.

One thing I disliked about meditation was the community around it. Online forums were filled with people trying to one-up each other with how serene and detached they were which led to some of the most passive aggressive online bickering I've seen. There were also lots of magical-thinking types who were mostly interested in discussing the super powers they thought they were gaining. I remember this one guy who was convinced he had gained a level of empathy so high that he could always know when someone was lying and that he could control others' emotions through his own micro-expressions.

I do the Headspace thing and just try to squeeze in at least 10 minutes a day in the morning, and have been trying to do it consistently for six months.

I started because I've got some undiagnosed neurological problem that CT scans and MRIs have come up blank on, so the thought now is it may be a panic disorder.

Unfortunately I can't say it's done a lot for me, but it also hasn't hurt.

I don't know what it is about my brain, but I'm very resistant to experiences that tout themselves (even if it's true) to be life-changing, like religion, drugs, or meditation. I fully recognize meditation is legit and benefits all walks of life, I'm just expressing my mind's experience with it. I also have a really hard time focusing, so that doesn't help.

I want to love it and experience its benefits, but I'm just not there yet and am just neutral so far.

I've tried to do it in the past but all I felt was impatience and a desire to be doing something else :/. I want to want it, but I can't see it as anything but a pseudo-scientific "works on my machine" tier technique. I just feel stupid doing it, or ADD kicks in and my mind races to a hundred different places and I can't really focus.

I tried non directive meditation every day, about 15-20 minutes for about a month.

I definitely got better and better at it, but I didn't feel any kind of improvement in my day-to-day goings about.

But then, I'm very happy with where I am in life. I enjoy stress-free work, I'm not worried or anxious, and with age I've found myself getting better and better at slowing down and appreciating a moment in time.

I thought perhaps meditation would lead me somewhere I didn't even realize I could be. Maybe one month isn't long enough, but I've found some stretching and exercises are better uses of my time.

Occasional zazen, but that's about it. My cushion often sits neglected on the corner of my bed until I decide to stare at a wall for fifteen minutes one day. Mostly it's because I can't find a period of time at home when I won't have somebody vying for my attention.

I didn't quite hit the topic. I work to know the philosophy behind Zen Buddhism, specifically because it seems to be the furthest divorced from Hindu spirituality, but to me the important parts are the rules that survived the trip to China, then later Japan (4 pillars, eightfold path). I need to get my hands on a copy of Shobogenzo, the Heart Sutra, and other important texts to really understand some of these ideas, or at least the works that influenced them. I read Mumonkan, but that's not at all helpful, and is basically a collection of silly conversations.

I've been doing TMI (The Mind Illuminated) for a while now (well, if I was consistent it would be for quite a while, but... I haven't been because of life stuff happening a lot recently)

I don't really remember why I started, but it's evolved into me doing it because it's stable ground, and because I'm definitely more capable of diagnosing myself (knowing why I feel how I feel, knowing my own triggers for whichever emotions, etc)

Do you study the philosophical, scientifical or religious aspects behind your practice?

Nope~

I used to practice meditation for about 8-10 years and found it incredibly helpful. However, I went through a traumatic experience with living in a new age cult. Since then I have trouble meditating because I'm afraid I'll be transported to the many dimensions or worlds or beings that I was introduced to while in the cult.

I'd love to get back into it but it's so mixed up in my lack of direction and trust in my own beliefs since that experience. I'm working with trauma informed therapists, the work is slow but I'm getting there.

Do any of you have experience in this tyeo of situation or how to meditate peacefully when I keep being afraid I'll get lost again in someone else's view of reality?