We can't exemplary topics, but this definitely would have received one from me if we could. Thank you for sharing this with us. And I wish you good luck and success on your continued journey. :)
We can't exemplary topics, but this definitely would have received one from me if we could. Thank you for sharing this with us. And I wish you good luck and success on your continued journey. :)
I headed over to ~lgbt to smash that unsubscribe button so that my home page didn't have a blow-by-blow accounting of the latest horrid thing some GOP politician or consultant said about trans...
I headed over to ~lgbt to smash that unsubscribe button so that my home page didn't have a blow-by-blow accounting of the latest horrid thing some GOP politician or consultant said about trans people, and was pleasantly surprised to find a post that's actually about the experience of being the T in GLBT.
un-personhood
What a great way to put it. My experience with un-personhood had a different trajectory than yours, but that accurately describes me in high school and early college. I was one of those guys who was treated friendly by all while having zero actual friends.
As one of my fraternity brothers said, "bro has zero personality. I'm worried that one day, he will snap and kill us all."
I can't tell you what I did to change that, other than they did change around my junior year. Each change seemed to make the next one easier.
A few years after graduation, when my fianceé and I split, my IRL persona went back to being bland. However, this time, I got way too deep into cultivating online alter-egos (note the plural). Personality for several persons concentrated in one body is unhealthy, but it kept my mind off the real world.
Now, it seems that the personalities I most easily want to leave behind are those most closely associated with my former IRL persona. They served their purpose, but advice on how to advance them on their goals is wasted—they are no longer good approximations of the so-called "real me" underneath.
(That, in itself, is a major change: my prior opinion was that no one has a true self, it was all a collection of masks upon masks)
bit of an aside about this - I totally understand the sentiment because this is a common problem in queer spaces, but the solution to it here is getting people to make happy posts too. Being queer...
I headed over to ~lgbt to smash that unsubscribe button so that my home page didn't have a blow-by-blow accounting of the latest horrid thing some GOP politician or consultant said about trans people
bit of an aside about this - I totally understand the sentiment because this is a common problem in queer spaces, but the solution to it here is getting people to make happy posts too. Being queer in 2024 is difficult sure, but there are moments of joy to be found anywhere if you look hard enough.
I'm a huge advocate for sharing queer joy. I'm also just ground down to the bone emotionally and physically right now. And I just can't do much intentionally. My bursts of function are triple booked
I'm a huge advocate for sharing queer joy.
I'm also just ground down to the bone emotionally and physically right now. And I just can't do much intentionally. My bursts of function are triple booked
When I need a dose of queer joy and also to be on my couch for several hours in a row, I just re-watch Heartstopper. I'm only like, rewatch 10 and I still haven't gotten tired of the cuteness....
When I need a dose of queer joy and also to be on my couch for several hours in a row, I just re-watch Heartstopper. I'm only like, rewatch 10 and I still haven't gotten tired of the cuteness.
Edit: The first watch might not do this for you because there is conflict, as with any TV show, but since I know that there's a happy ending I can now just bask in the joy.
My ability to binge tv has been severely damaged over the past five years but I'm really glad to hear Heartstopper is more of a joy show than one more queer trauma show.
My ability to binge tv has been severely damaged over the past five years but I'm really glad to hear Heartstopper is more of a joy show than one more queer trauma show.
A while ago I actually had the idea to add a unique topic tag to those kind of depressing topics in ~lgbt so people wouldn't have to unsubscribe to avoid them, and could just filter them out...
unsubscribe... so that my home page didn't have a blow-by-blow accounting of the latest horrid thing some GOP politician or consultant said about trans people
A while ago I actually had the idea to add a unique topic tag to those kind of depressing topics in ~lgbt so people wouldn't have to unsubscribe to avoid them, and could just filter them out instead. I kinda forgot about it though, but I will start adding the tag again to new topics here, and have already gone back to add it to a bunch of older stuff too.
So if anyone wants to avoid those kind of topics here in ~lgbt, don't unsubscribe, just add downer to your topic tag filters list and hopefully you won't see them any more. And if anyone sees any topics in ~lgbt that they feel deserve the tag, let me know and I can add it. Or if anyone feels I applied the tag to a topic it doesn't belong on, let me know and I can remove it.
Appreciate, but I want to know about things that will negatively impact me and others. I just both want to share more queer joy and also cannot make myself shower today so that's where my...
Appreciate, but I want to know about things that will negatively impact me and others. I just both want to share more queer joy and also cannot make myself shower today so that's where my depression and executive dysfunction has been lately.
Ah, gotcha. Worth noting though, is that you can filter things out just so you don't always see them, but when you do want to see them you can simply click Filtered topic tags in bottom of the...
Ah, gotcha. Worth noting though, is that you can filter things out just so you don't always see them, but when you do want to see them you can simply click Filtered topic tags in bottom of the front/group page sidebar, then click the specific tag to see all the topics that tag has been applied to.
E.g. I have israel filtered out simply because I find the situation far too depressing/infuriating to read about each and every day, but I still check the tag every few days to stay informed about the situation there.
While tags are mentioned: could I request that the transphobia and homophobia tags be more consistently attached to such news stories? It's about 50-50 whether they are or aren't right now.
While tags are mentioned: could I request that the transphobia and homophobia tags be more consistently attached to such news stories? It's about 50-50 whether they are or aren't right now.
Sure, I can try to keep an eye out for that, and add those tags if I see them missing. But again, please just let me know if I missed a topic you think those tags should be applied to, so I can...
Sure, I can try to keep an eye out for that, and add those tags if I see them missing. But again, please just let me know if I missed a topic you think those tags should be applied to, so I can add them. It's getting to the point where I (and presumably mycketforvirrad too) can't read every article/topic posted to Tildes anymore, so need the occasional assist when it comes to stuff like that.
p.s. Do you have topic tagging rights, @petrichor? If not, and you're willing to help, we could ask @Deimos to give them to you. Same goes for anyone else here that wants to help with tags, and has been on Tildes for a while (so we know they're trustworthy, and familiar with the tags/tagging system a bit more).
Noted for when I'm around and mentally organized enough to tag. We might want to think about the downer tag for some of the general news items as well.
Noted for when I'm around and mentally organized enough to tag. We might want to think about the downer tag for some of the general news items as well.
Yeah, I thought about doing that as well, but it's potentially a lot of extra work, and I'm already nearing burnout territory due to some other stressful things going on in my life right now. So...
Yeah, I thought about doing that as well, but it's potentially a lot of extra work, and I'm already nearing burnout territory due to some other stressful things going on in my life right now. So for now I am just going to focus on applying it to ~lgbt topics to help the lovely people here out. Feel free to apply it to other topics elsewhere though, and I would certainly welcome and appreciate the help. :)
I hear you, and hope that things get easier. I think Tildes will be getting a little more of my time in the near future as I blow off steam in workplace slacktivism. Meanwhile, off to post a...
I hear you, and hope that things get easier. I think Tildes will be getting a little more of my time in the near future as I blow off steam in workplace slacktivism. Meanwhile, off to post a little good news here.
Heh, me too. Things are thankfully already looking a bit better though since my primary stresser right now, my dog's ear infection, is finally starting to get under control. It's taken a long...
Heh, me too. Things are thankfully already looking a bit better though since my primary stresser right now, my dog's ear infection, is finally starting to get under control. It's taken a long time, many vet appointments, and $, to get us to this point though, since it was unfortunately so badly infected it had essentially swollen entirely shut. And as a result the vet couldn't get any topical antibiotics into it, so we had to go through several weeks of giving him just oral antibiotics (which are apparently far less effective for this kind of ear infection), and heavy doses of steroids to get the infection/swelling down. But a few days ago they finally managed to get the topical antibiotic into his ear canal, so 🤞 it gets the job done and my dog can return to his old self.
p.s. Looking forward to seeing some more positive news. I'm actually tempted to start a recurring topic, similar to offbeat Fridays, but for uplifting/lighthearted news. Because we could all do with more of that these days, and here on Tildes in particular since far too many users seem to only ever post bad/depressing/contentious/serious news and articles, IMO.
I think you might still be a bit too new to Tildes to get elevated privileges from Deimos... unless you're the same emdash who deleted their account a few years ago? ;) But thanks for the offer!...
I think you might still be a bit too new to Tildes to get elevated privileges from Deimos... unless you're the same emdash who deleted their account a few years ago? ;) But thanks for the offer! And YVW! :)
Fair enough! (tbh I just checked my own account age after you said that and it feels like it's been much longer) I am not, this is the only account I've had here.
Fair enough! (tbh I just checked my own account age after you said that and it feels like it's been much longer)
I don't, and I'm pretty familiar with the tagging conventions you and mycketforvirrad follow, but I'm not really on here as much as I used to be. I might take you up on that if I become more...
I don't, and I'm pretty familiar with the tagging conventions you and mycketforvirrad follow, but I'm not really on here as much as I used to be. I might take you up on that if I become more active again in the future.
(but your all's efforts in tagging are extremely appreciated! i only bring this up because i was unsure if tagging stories that may not explicitly mention transphobia, but are about transphobic legislation, is a convention you all actively follow.)
Yeah, those sorts of articles usually still get the tansphobia tag applied to them. But again, if you notice one missing, let me know and I can add it.
Yeah, those sorts of articles usually still get the tansphobia tag applied to them. But again, if you notice one missing, let me know and I can add it.
Thank you for sharing. I had similar thoughts when I first started transitioning, about personhood and whatnot. Of course, who I was before transition is still me in a literal sense, but it's mind...
Thank you for sharing. I had similar thoughts when I first started transitioning, about personhood and whatnot. Of course, who I was before transition is still me in a literal sense, but it's mind blowing to know how much more me that I am now than I was before. In retrospect, it really does feel like my past self wasn't a full and real person and was just someone inhabiting my body until my true self came to the surface. It's a very surreal feeling that I've struggled to explain before if people ask me what it's like to be trans, but it really does feel like you're just escaping from a void that you were trapped in for the first half of your life.
Like you, I also found that when I was able to truly be myself, social interactions were much more fulfilling and sincere. My friendships were stronger, whereas most of my friendships I had pre transition weren't "real", since I know in retrospect many of those people didn't care for me like people do now.
As tough as it is, transitioning really did unlock who I am today and I do love myself now, whereas there was no chance of that happening before. Thanks for your post!
Despite being strictly cis [though I'd at least consider the offer of MtM, male-to-mare, if such a thing were possible, so I could spend all day eating grass and living in blessed ignorance of...
Of course, who I was before transition is still me in a literal sense, but it's mind blowing to know how much more me that I am now than I was before. In retrospect, it really does feel like my past self wasn't a full and real person and was just someone inhabiting my body until my true self came to the surface.
Despite being strictly cis [though I'd at least consider the offer of MtM, male-to-mare, if such a thing were possible, so I could spend all day eating grass and living in blessed ignorance of human social constructs], I had two similar transitions in my life. Most recently, you could say it was close enough to a traditional religious conversion. More inexplicably, I had one a decade ago when I left for college and joined my fraternity. I went from being a real zero-personality MF to someone with a distinct flavour. Flippantly, one may call that collegiate transition male to alpha male, but it was before that term existed.
EDIT: to add another analogy, my collegiate perspective shift was that I stopped trying to be (or improve) my true authentic self in favor of carving specialty masks which were, like religions, gods, and philosophical implications of quantum mechanics, all false (some proved useful, others were easier to wear). It was masks all the way down. Recently, I've discovered that there is some truth beneath all the masks, but it is like a light shining through stained glass. Without the masks to give it color, there'd be nothing to see.
when I was able to truly be myself, social interactions were much more fulfilling and sincere. My friendships were stronger, whereas most of my friendships I had pre transition weren't "real"
This one hits hard, especially when comparing the quality of my high school "friendships" with my drumline peers to my fraternity brothers (and their girlfriends who'd stick around).
The usual drifting happened after I graduated, and the tail end of full pandemic brought a similar shift with my online friendships. Before then, I'd unsuccessfully chase social validation or, more frequently, get easier to earn reverse validation by being an inflammatory contrarian and reminding myself of all the times in K–12 where I'd beat out my classmates, who I'd primarily characterize as 0 IQ straight-A students, by doing the opposite of the majority [ask me my opinions on democracy!]. However, I eventually wormed my way was lucky enough to get invites to some private communities right around the same time I had the religion-like conversion in my offline life and experienced a profound shift. Why compete in the public square when you have the ear of someone who enjoys wrestling in that mud pit?
I hope these rambles of a not-so-terminally online computer addict made some sense to you. Have a good and pleasant day.
We can't exemplary topics, but this definitely would have received one from me if we could. Thank you for sharing this with us. And I wish you good luck and success on your continued journey. :)
I headed over to ~lgbt to smash that unsubscribe button so that my home page didn't have a blow-by-blow accounting of the latest horrid thing some GOP politician or consultant said about trans people, and was pleasantly surprised to find a post that's actually about the experience of being the T in GLBT.
What a great way to put it. My experience with un-personhood had a different trajectory than yours, but that accurately describes me in high school and early college. I was one of those guys who was treated friendly by all while having zero actual friends.
As one of my fraternity brothers said, "bro has zero personality. I'm worried that one day, he will snap and kill us all."
I can't tell you what I did to change that, other than they did change around my junior year. Each change seemed to make the next one easier.
A few years after graduation, when my fianceé and I split, my IRL persona went back to being bland. However, this time, I got way too deep into cultivating online alter-egos (note the plural). Personality for several persons concentrated in one body is unhealthy, but it kept my mind off the real world.
Now, it seems that the personalities I most easily want to leave behind are those most closely associated with my former IRL persona. They served their purpose, but advice on how to advance them on their goals is wasted—they are no longer good approximations of the so-called "real me" underneath.
(That, in itself, is a major change: my prior opinion was that no one has a true self, it was all a collection of masks upon masks)
bit of an aside about this - I totally understand the sentiment because this is a common problem in queer spaces, but the solution to it here is getting people to make happy posts too. Being queer in 2024 is difficult sure, but there are moments of joy to be found anywhere if you look hard enough.
I'm a huge advocate for sharing queer joy.
I'm also just ground down to the bone emotionally and physically right now. And I just can't do much intentionally. My bursts of function are triple booked
When I need a dose of queer joy and also to be on my couch for several hours in a row, I just re-watch Heartstopper. I'm only like, rewatch 10 and I still haven't gotten tired of the cuteness.
Edit: The first watch might not do this for you because there is conflict, as with any TV show, but since I know that there's a happy ending I can now just bask in the joy.
My ability to binge tv has been severely damaged over the past five years but I'm really glad to hear Heartstopper is more of a joy show than one more queer trauma show.
A while ago I actually had the idea to add a unique topic tag to those kind of depressing topics in ~lgbt so people wouldn't have to unsubscribe to avoid them, and could just filter them out instead. I kinda forgot about it though, but I will start adding the tag again to new topics here, and have already gone back to add it to a bunch of older stuff too.
So if anyone wants to avoid those kind of topics here in ~lgbt, don't unsubscribe, just add
downerto your topic tag filters list and hopefully you won't see them any more. And if anyone sees any topics in ~lgbt that they feel deserve the tag, let me know and I can add it. Or if anyone feels I applied the tag to a topic it doesn't belong on, let me know and I can remove it.cc: @supergauntlet, @DefinitelyNotAFae since you both mentioned this issue too.
And @mycketforvirrad, in case you want to help.
Appreciate, but I want to know about things that will negatively impact me and others. I just both want to share more queer joy and also cannot make myself shower today so that's where my depression and executive dysfunction has been lately.
Ah, gotcha. Worth noting though, is that you can filter things out just so you don't always see them, but when you do want to see them you can simply click
Filtered topic tagsin bottom of the front/group page sidebar, then click the specific tag to see all the topics that tag has been applied to.E.g. I have
israelfiltered out simply because I find the situation far too depressing/infuriating to read about each and every day, but I still check the tag every few days to stay informed about the situation there.Tildes doesn't have enough traffic for it to be a bother really.
While tags are mentioned: could I request that the
transphobiaandhomophobiatags be more consistently attached to such news stories? It's about 50-50 whether they are or aren't right now.Sure, I can try to keep an eye out for that, and add those tags if I see them missing. But again, please just let me know if I missed a topic you think those tags should be applied to, so I can add them. It's getting to the point where I (and presumably mycketforvirrad too) can't read every article/topic posted to Tildes anymore, so need the occasional assist when it comes to stuff like that.
p.s. Do you have topic tagging rights, @petrichor? If not, and you're willing to help, we could ask @Deimos to give them to you. Same goes for anyone else here that wants to help with tags, and has been on Tildes for a while (so we know they're trustworthy, and familiar with the tags/tagging system a bit more).
Noted for when I'm around and mentally organized enough to tag. We might want to think about the
downertag for some of the general news items as well.Yeah, I thought about doing that as well, but it's potentially a lot of extra work, and I'm already nearing burnout territory due to some other stressful things going on in my life right now. So for now I am just going to focus on applying it to ~lgbt topics to help the lovely people here out. Feel free to apply it to other topics elsewhere though, and I would certainly welcome and appreciate the help. :)
I hear you, and hope that things get easier. I think Tildes will be getting a little more of my time in the near future as I blow off steam in workplace slacktivism. Meanwhile, off to post a little good news here.
Heh, me too. Things are thankfully already looking a bit better though since my primary stresser right now, my dog's ear infection, is finally starting to get under control. It's taken a long time, many vet appointments, and $, to get us to this point though, since it was unfortunately so badly infected it had essentially swollen entirely shut. And as a result the vet couldn't get any topical antibiotics into it, so we had to go through several weeks of giving him just oral antibiotics (which are apparently far less effective for this kind of ear infection), and heavy doses of steroids to get the infection/swelling down. But a few days ago they finally managed to get the topical antibiotic into his ear canal, so 🤞 it gets the job done and my dog can return to his old self.
p.s. Looking forward to seeing some more positive news. I'm actually tempted to start a recurring topic, similar to offbeat Fridays, but for uplifting/lighthearted news. Because we could all do with more of that these days, and here on Tildes in particular since far too many users seem to only ever post bad/depressing/contentious/serious news and articles, IMO.
I would also be happy to help, if y'all will have me. Regardless, thanks for doing this!
I think you might still be a bit too new to Tildes to get elevated privileges from Deimos... unless you're the same emdash who deleted their account a few years ago? ;) But thanks for the offer! And YVW! :)
Fair enough! (tbh I just checked my own account age after you said that and it feels like it's been much longer)
I am not, this is the only account I've had here.
Heh, is that a good thing or a bad thing? :P
I don't, and I'm pretty familiar with the tagging conventions you and mycketforvirrad follow, but I'm not really on here as much as I used to be. I might take you up on that if I become more active again in the future.
(but your all's efforts in tagging are extremely appreciated! i only bring this up because i was unsure if tagging stories that may not explicitly mention transphobia, but are about transphobic legislation, is a convention you all actively follow.)
Yeah, those sorts of articles usually still get the tansphobia tag applied to them. But again, if you notice one missing, let me know and I can add it.
Thank you for sharing. I had similar thoughts when I first started transitioning, about personhood and whatnot. Of course, who I was before transition is still me in a literal sense, but it's mind blowing to know how much more me that I am now than I was before. In retrospect, it really does feel like my past self wasn't a full and real person and was just someone inhabiting my body until my true self came to the surface. It's a very surreal feeling that I've struggled to explain before if people ask me what it's like to be trans, but it really does feel like you're just escaping from a void that you were trapped in for the first half of your life.
Like you, I also found that when I was able to truly be myself, social interactions were much more fulfilling and sincere. My friendships were stronger, whereas most of my friendships I had pre transition weren't "real", since I know in retrospect many of those people didn't care for me like people do now.
As tough as it is, transitioning really did unlock who I am today and I do love myself now, whereas there was no chance of that happening before. Thanks for your post!
Despite being strictly cis [though I'd at least consider the offer of MtM, male-to-mare, if such a thing were possible, so I could spend all day eating grass and living in blessed ignorance of human social constructs], I had two similar transitions in my life. Most recently, you could say it was close enough to a traditional religious conversion. More inexplicably, I had one a decade ago when I left for college and joined my fraternity. I went from being a real zero-personality MF to someone with a distinct flavour. Flippantly, one may call that collegiate transition male to alpha male, but it was before that term existed.
EDIT: to add another analogy, my collegiate perspective shift was that I stopped trying to be (or improve) my true authentic self in favor of carving specialty masks which were, like religions, gods, and philosophical implications of quantum mechanics, all false (some proved useful, others were easier to wear). It was masks all the way down. Recently, I've discovered that there is some truth beneath all the masks, but it is like a light shining through stained glass. Without the masks to give it color, there'd be nothing to see.
This one hits hard, especially when comparing the quality of my high school "friendships" with my drumline peers to my fraternity brothers (and their girlfriends who'd stick around).
The usual drifting happened after I graduated, and the tail end of full pandemic brought a similar shift with my online friendships. Before then, I'd unsuccessfully chase social validation or, more frequently, get easier to earn reverse validation by being an inflammatory contrarian and reminding myself of all the times in K–12 where I'd beat out my classmates, who I'd primarily characterize as 0 IQ straight-A students, by doing the opposite of the majority [ask me my opinions on democracy!]. However, I eventually
wormed my waywas lucky enough to get invites to some private communities right around the same time I had the religion-like conversion in my offline life and experienced a profound shift. Why compete in the public square when you have the ear of someone who enjoys wrestling in that mud pit?I hope these rambles of a not-so-terminally online computer addict made some sense to you. Have a good and pleasant day.