78 votes

Please check on each other

Hey all, given everything going on, please keep checking on your communities. There was a recent death by suicide in Syracuse of a VA patient who had wrapped themselves in the trans flag prior to their death.

We're in this together, and I know it's going to get worse, and the only way we get through is with the support of each other. So, just, please check-in.

During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night.
The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for. It didn't look like we were going to win then and we did. It doesn't feel like we're going to win now but we could. Keep fighting, keep dancing. -Dan Savage

7 comments

  1. [3]
    l_one
    Link
    Protest suicide was a punch in the gut I had not expected. I hate that this just keeps getting darker.

    Protest suicide was a punch in the gut I had not expected. I hate that this just keeps getting darker.

    13 votes
    1. [2]
      DefinitelyNotAFae
      Link Parent
      I don't know that this was protest - I don't want to speak for the dead and haven't seen a message - but it was someone who had been in the psychiatric unit previously and who clearly felt...

      I don't know that this was protest - I don't want to speak for the dead and haven't seen a message - but it was someone who had been in the psychiatric unit previously and who clearly felt hopeless.

      It was still a hit, and one that spurred me to keep pressing on in the work I do.

      14 votes
      1. l_one
        Link Parent
        That's fair. I appreciate you for being an advocate, and for actively being a good human being in these crap times.

        I don't know that this was protest - I don't want to speak for the dead and haven't seen a message

        That's fair.

        I appreciate you for being an advocate, and for actively being a good human being in these crap times.

        9 votes
  2. pridefulofbeing
    Link
    That quote was very needed. Sharing with others. Thank you.

    That quote was very needed. Sharing with others. Thank you.

    9 votes
  3. [2]
    kfwyre
    (edited )
    Link
    A worthwhile reminder, and a great quote. A couple other thoughts: Giving people space to think about and do things other than consider/process their current situation is also important. A lot of...

    A worthwhile reminder, and a great quote. A couple other thoughts:

    Giving people space to think about and do things other than consider/process their current situation is also important. A lot of people, especially online, tend to look down on stuff like this (e.g. “How can you talk about something so trivial as a videogame when our lives are at stake?”). I think that’s a guilt-driven sentiment that does more harm than good. It is incredibly important that people not lose sight of the things that enrich them, bring them joy, and make them well-rounded individuals.

    With that in mind, care for others can look as simple as chatting about something else, or giving someone the space to be apart from current issues and events for a bit. It’s not capitulation or cowardice to temporarily escape — it’s necessary.

    Also, with regards to care, tangibility goes a long way.

    What I mean by this is that you can often make a huge difference for someone if your act of care has a real-world aspect to it. Imagine if someone shipped some cocoa mix to your apartment. “Hey, it’s cold outside right now and I thought you might like some cozy comfort.” The care it shows you will likely far exceed the couple of dollars it cost someone to send it.

    It doesn’t have to be a care package or a gift either — spending time in-person, if possible, has its own tangibility. If someone you know is really hurting, think of ways that might help them out beyond just messages. What can you do to make it tangible for them?

    The final thing I’ll say is this: care is almost always auto-reciprocating. What I mean is that, if you go out of your way to care for someone you know, you will likely feel better yourself. It’s a weird lifehack, but it works.

    So if you’re feeling really down or powerless or hopeless (as many of us are) it can feel like you should wait on care from others. Instead, I recommend trying to be proactive about it and take a caring lead role. You will most likely find that it helps you out as much as it does the people you’re caring for.

    8 votes
    1. DefinitelyNotAFae
      Link Parent
      From Midnight Burger, Ch 36 The bit about how you're saying it to two people hit me. Because you make it ok, bit by bit, by taking care of each other.

      The final thing I’ll say is this: care is almost always auto-reciprocating. What I mean is that, if you go out of your way to care for someone you know, you will likely feel better yourself. It’s a weird lifehack, but it works.

      From Midnight Burger, Ch 36

      "It's going to be messy...
      Check on your neighbors, are they okay?
      Check in on the people in your life.

      There may be someone in your life who needs someone in your life who needs to hear the words 'We're going to be okay.' You should say that to them.

      You may not believe it, but trust me.
      When you say 'It's going to be okay,' to someone, you're always talking to two people.

      Stick together and hang on. Nothing in the history of the universe has ever been permanent."

      The bit about how you're saying it to two people hit me. Because you make it ok, bit by bit, by taking care of each other.

      5 votes
  4. Tmbreen
    Link
    Great quote, shared. Look after each other.

    Great quote, shared. Look after each other.

    2 votes