Thanks for sharing this. An interesting read, but in many places it left me wanting more. Genuine question: where is the “latent homophobia” in misjudging someone’s age?
Thanks for sharing this. An interesting read, but in many places it left me wanting more.
Genuine question: where is the “latent homophobia” in misjudging someone’s age?
If I had to theorize, it's because many queer people dress in ways which people associate with young adulthood and often do so to much later in their lives. They don't feel pushed into formal wear...
Genuine question: where is the “latent homophobia” in misjudging someone’s age?
If I had to theorize, it's because many queer people dress in ways which people associate with young adulthood and often do so to much later in their lives. They don't feel pushed into formal wear in the same way and often dress in non-conventional formal wear. Some, especially those who wear bright colors and simple patterns, are even adopting dress that is typically associated with young children.
Even if the bus driver somehow correctly approximated the author’s age, which she discloses as a very youthful-looking 38, but chose to make light of her youthful appearance (for whatever...
Even if the bus driver somehow correctly approximated the author’s age, which she discloses as a very youthful-looking 38, but chose to make light of her youthful appearance (for whatever reason—manner of dress, lack of visible signs of aging, physical stature) by calling her “little one,” I remain unconvinced it was an expression of homophobia. Is it uncomfortable/insulting to be infantilized? Yes. Is it homophobic? 🤔
Saying it's the result of homophobia in a context like this doesn't mean "this person is hating on The Gays," but instead "this action happened as a result of social norms and expectations which...
Saying it's the result of homophobia in a context like this doesn't mean "this person is hating on The Gays," but instead "this action happened as a result of social norms and expectations which are heteronormative and built on assumptions that either exclude The Gays or otherwise work against them".
The insidious part of many queer phobias is that it hides behind the guise of civility or gets presented through other means. A good example of this that might resonate with you a bit more is how...
The insidious part of many queer phobias is that it hides behind the guise of civility or gets presented through other means.
A good example of this that might resonate with you a bit more is how some people treat women in a sexist way by infantilizing them. Using terms of endearment like baby, which are generally not used on men, is a way to treat women differently. Regional terms like 'sweet summer child' are applied to women more often than men. In many cases this behavior is internalized or learned/acquired from how other people in society act and in many cases these individuals are entirely unaware that they are treating classes of people differently.
Even a surface level examination of these behaviors shows its treating a class of people differently. Does this treatment result in prejudice? That's a bit more difficult to determine, but it's not hard to see how being treated differently by society inherently others you in a way that makes it clear you are not the same and this can be very alienating.
The phrase “sweet summer’s child” became a popular way of describing an innocent, naive person (especially among American writers) during the early Victorian era. It was used by a number of authors during the 1840s...
Same here. I feel like this helped me understand my experience as a perpetual “late bloomer” due to finding my own way at my own pace, but doesn’t really go beyond stating that this phenomenon...
Same here. I feel like this helped me understand my experience as a perpetual “late bloomer” due to finding my own way at my own pace, but doesn’t really go beyond stating that this phenomenon exists. Which is maybe ok?
The more I think about this, the more I get this uncomfortable sense of aimlessness. Which is kind of the opposite of the author’s intentions—they want us to celebrate or at least acknowledge queer time as a rejection of the “linear progression” norm which comes with its own set of problems. Hmm.
Sorry for going a bit stream-of-consciousness there. I haven’t directly thought about this aspect of my life in this way before, so it’s a bit mystifying to me.
Honestly, I can't stand the idea of "adulting" at all; the very concept of being an adult within the context of identity is pointless at best and damaging at worst. First of all, the label itself...
Honestly, I can't stand the idea of "adulting" at all; the very concept of being an adult within the context of identity is pointless at best and damaging at worst.
First of all, the label itself is childish, at least when taken from an individual perspective. The very reason why people desire it so much is because they view it as a title of honor and respect. People who use this term often are congratulating themselves for doing stupid chores; it's a very public pat on one's own back for doing the basic tasks necessary for survival.
Beyond that, the things that people deem 'adult' and 'childish' are often very arbitrary. We are living in a time when more and more adults are watching cartoons and children are concerned about the future.
And from a personal perspective, I think that people who use terms like 'adulting' are extremely privileged. They are the kids who grew up two mentally competent parents who loved each other as well as their child, and honestly I think that's a much smaller segment of the population than most people are willing to imagine. They never had to flee to a safe neighbor's house when a parent got violently drunk or had to learn how to cook because they couldn't count on their parents to even be there.
In spite of all of this, though, I'm glad that people are learning about 'queer time' because it points out how much societal expectations simply do not matter most of the time.
When I was growing up, I didn't really care much about getting married. It didn't mean anything to me at the time, and honestly it was only until I realized that I was gay and that marriage wasn't going to be an option anymore that I even began to realize what kind of value it really had.
And it's marriage that is probably the perfect example of why the concept of adulthood has been given it's place in society. Marriage is a big step because previously it was your way of telling society you were going to have children with this person. And that is the basic reason why being an adult is such an important idea; they expect you to have children. And frankly, I don't think that's a major priority for society right now, especially with so many people who carry the neomalthusian view that we are already overpopulated.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that y'all should stop worrying about being an adult and start worrying about being yourself. Read yourself some gosh darn Sartre. :P
Thanks for sharing this. An interesting read, but in many places it left me wanting more.
Genuine question: where is the “latent homophobia” in misjudging someone’s age?
If I had to theorize, it's because many queer people dress in ways which people associate with young adulthood and often do so to much later in their lives. They don't feel pushed into formal wear in the same way and often dress in non-conventional formal wear. Some, especially those who wear bright colors and simple patterns, are even adopting dress that is typically associated with young children.
Even if the bus driver somehow correctly approximated the author’s age, which she discloses as a very youthful-looking 38, but chose to make light of her youthful appearance (for whatever reason—manner of dress, lack of visible signs of aging, physical stature) by calling her “little one,” I remain unconvinced it was an expression of homophobia. Is it uncomfortable/insulting to be infantilized? Yes. Is it homophobic? 🤔
Saying it's the result of homophobia in a context like this doesn't mean "this person is hating on The Gays," but instead "this action happened as a result of social norms and expectations which are heteronormative and built on assumptions that either exclude The Gays or otherwise work against them".
The insidious part of many queer phobias is that it hides behind the guise of civility or gets presented through other means.
A good example of this that might resonate with you a bit more is how some people treat women in a sexist way by infantilizing them. Using terms of endearment like baby, which are generally not used on men, is a way to treat women differently. Regional terms like 'sweet summer child' are applied to women more often than men. In many cases this behavior is internalized or learned/acquired from how other people in society act and in many cases these individuals are entirely unaware that they are treating classes of people differently.
Even a surface level examination of these behaviors shows its treating a class of people differently. Does this treatment result in prejudice? That's a bit more difficult to determine, but it's not hard to see how being treated differently by society inherently others you in a way that makes it clear you are not the same and this can be very alienating.
This isn't regional. It's from A Song of Ice and Fire.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sweet_summer_child
don't always trust urban dict ;)
That sounds more reasonable. I'd heard it from friends, googled it, and someone on quora said the same thing.
Same here. I feel like this helped me understand my experience as a perpetual “late bloomer” due to finding my own way at my own pace, but doesn’t really go beyond stating that this phenomenon exists. Which is maybe ok?
The more I think about this, the more I get this uncomfortable sense of aimlessness. Which is kind of the opposite of the author’s intentions—they want us to celebrate or at least acknowledge queer time as a rejection of the “linear progression” norm which comes with its own set of problems. Hmm.
Sorry for going a bit stream-of-consciousness there. I haven’t directly thought about this aspect of my life in this way before, so it’s a bit mystifying to me.
Honestly, I can't stand the idea of "adulting" at all; the very concept of being an adult within the context of identity is pointless at best and damaging at worst.
First of all, the label itself is childish, at least when taken from an individual perspective. The very reason why people desire it so much is because they view it as a title of honor and respect. People who use this term often are congratulating themselves for doing stupid chores; it's a very public pat on one's own back for doing the basic tasks necessary for survival.
Beyond that, the things that people deem 'adult' and 'childish' are often very arbitrary. We are living in a time when more and more adults are watching cartoons and children are concerned about the future.
And from a personal perspective, I think that people who use terms like 'adulting' are extremely privileged. They are the kids who grew up two mentally competent parents who loved each other as well as their child, and honestly I think that's a much smaller segment of the population than most people are willing to imagine. They never had to flee to a safe neighbor's house when a parent got violently drunk or had to learn how to cook because they couldn't count on their parents to even be there.
In spite of all of this, though, I'm glad that people are learning about 'queer time' because it points out how much societal expectations simply do not matter most of the time.
When I was growing up, I didn't really care much about getting married. It didn't mean anything to me at the time, and honestly it was only until I realized that I was gay and that marriage wasn't going to be an option anymore that I even began to realize what kind of value it really had.
And it's marriage that is probably the perfect example of why the concept of adulthood has been given it's place in society. Marriage is a big step because previously it was your way of telling society you were going to have children with this person. And that is the basic reason why being an adult is such an important idea; they expect you to have children. And frankly, I don't think that's a major priority for society right now, especially with so many people who carry the neomalthusian view that we are already overpopulated.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that y'all should stop worrying about being an adult and start worrying about being yourself. Read yourself some gosh darn Sartre. :P