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    • Showing only topics in ~lgbt with the tag "ask.help". Back to normal view / Search all groups

    1. Trans identity and the gender binary

      Ask
      Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be...

      Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be queer in the broader sense, I also pass as a cishet male. That being said, I'm going to express myself honestly in the hopes that someone will be able to give me an honest to what might read as bigoted. Putting everything else in a detail box:

      Questions on the 'validity' of trans identity Basically - I understand gender to be social construct based on expected roles for biological males and females undertake in a traditional society. While there is some validity to the stereotypes on a biological level, I figure that most people should be able to understand that they exist in many places on the spectrum of masculine to feminine traits. People who are queer generally do not fit into these stereotypes and experience ostracization from those who cannot escape the mental paradigm of the gender binary.

      Is trans identity more than a product of societal gender roles? I don't understand where the root of the dysphoria could be other than not fitting into the stereotypes of your assigned gender. How could someone come to understand that their body feels "wrong" to them without learning that from something outside of their internal experience (i.e. perceiving gender roles and feeling like oneself is more aligned to the opposite pole than the one they're assigned to?) What is the benefit in choosing to identify as transgender (which reinforces gender roles through buying into them) versus choosing to eschew the gender binary entirely and identifying with / presenting as genderfluid or non-binary?

      39 votes

    2. How do I combat the "women need safe spaces" argument?

      Ask
      (I am trans-inclusive. I believe trans rights are human rights. I believe in self-identification. I will use whatever pronouns someone choose, and I try not to assume pronouns.) In the UK recently...

      (I am trans-inclusive. I believe trans rights are human rights. I believe in self-identification. I will use whatever pronouns someone choose, and I try not to assume pronouns.)

      In the UK recently there's been a bit of a debate between trans-phobic "gender critical" feminists who say that for sexual safety women need spaces that are women only, and that this means they need to exclude trans-people.

      I think this is bullshit. I'd like some good quality arguments to use against this.

      What are your ideas?

      14 votes

    3. I might be intersex?

      Ask
      Recently I have noticed something odd about my genitals, and believe I might be intersex of some sort (assigned male if it matters). The problem is that I don't know where to start researching and...

      Recently I have noticed something odd about my genitals, and believe I might be intersex of some sort (assigned male if it matters). The problem is that I don't know where to start researching and taking steps about it, so any help would be appreciated, especially if it is not US centric.

      11 votes

    4. Looking for opinions on how to moderate a community

      Ask
      Hello. I moderate a reddit sub with about 450 thousand people and we have had trouble with transgender people facing abuse from idiots in two different threads. In one of them, a woman chimed in...

      Hello.
      I moderate a reddit sub with about 450 thousand people and we have had trouble with transgender people facing abuse from idiots in two different threads. In one of them, a woman chimed in and it got ugly (4 bans in the first 12 comments), in the other a trans woman took part and got shit for it (also featured a few users banned).

      Now, each of them had a very different approach. The first got defensive and stopped participating, while the second took the time to respond to the stupid but not offensive ones, trying to educate them.

      So even if this is something that bothers me a lot and makes considerably angry, I realised that maybe I should take a more nuanced view on this, and I should actually ask for more opinions on how to handle thiS, instead of simply applying my own standards and maybe making things worse and/or missing a chance to make things better. And since Tildes has always provided me with intelligent, thoughtful and interesting points of view and opinions, I thought this would be the best place for this question.

      And so here I am, asking anyone that would care to give an opinion: what would a good moderator do? How harsh or lenient should we be with ignorant but not offensive comments? Should we get involved at all if the discussion is not offensive? What would make our sub a nicer place to everyone? Any other thoughts?

      Thank you very much to all.

      20 votes