25
votes
Dating can be a time suck - SFGATE contributor Amy Copperman explains why co-working makes for such a good first date
Link information
This data is scraped automatically and may be incorrect.
- Title
- Dating can be a time suck. I tried a new Bay Area strategy.
- Authors
- Amy Copperman
- Published
- Jul 22 2023
- Word count
- 1208 words
A little bit of meta-commentary on this whole concept: does it feel weird or dystopian to anyone else that this even needs to happen in the first place? To me, it feels sad that our modern priorities are such that finding a partner is second to making money, and we have to spend so much time working that doing anything else is a "time suck".
Yes, although people in some professions work 60 hour weeks on a regular basis. Paid services like itsjustlunch.com market to a similar demographic.
I didn't post the article because I thought the time saving element was the important part. But I agree with you that it is somewhat disturbing.
Yes, that is depressing if that’s truly the main intent. Another interpretation I have is that it’s becoming increasingly harder to meet people organically in situations without a big cloud of romantic pressure hanging over your head. I could see a coworking date as a way to try to get to know somebody in a much lower stakes situation than a typical first date that feels like an intense job interview. True, maybe this would be less necessary if we all had more free time in general so we could devote more of it to awkward and socially draining first dates.
I thought this was an interesting article proposing a creative strategy that is increasingly possible during the work from home era, as long as your work is not super secret.
I met my now husband in a small class. Having no/low pressure time to become familiar with him and decide I might be interested was helpful in ultimately choosing to date him.
Also, while dating, we took a multi-day road trip together. Learning that we were compatible while bored was useful. Learning that he doesn't freak out about changed circumstances requiring us to adapt and change plans was also useful. Learning that we could be comfortable together while confined in the small space of a car was extremely useful. At the time we did this the 'road trip test' was not widely known or recommended, but I can vouch for it.
This is so important when looking for a potential long-term partner. If you're going to truly build a life with someone, you're going to spend a lot of time simply being together. Not sitting in a restaurant. Not cuddled up in a dark theater. Not engaged in love-making. Just simply being together. And often that will involve being together not even involved in the same activity, just inhabiting the same space as someone and living with them on a daily basis. What you see when you go on a formal date with someone is not how they are 95% of the time. Obviously people dress and preen themselves to their best for a date, but there are key differences in behavior as well. Someone who, in everyday life, is a terrible person can make themselves quite presentable and charming for a few hours on a date. If you're just looking for a fling, sure, judge someone based on a few romantic encounters. But if you're looking for someone to truly build a life together with, you need to judge them on the 95%, not the 5% when they're at their absolute best. I can see this low pressure/informal dating method working quite well for this.
I think it should be mandatory that you live as roomates for at least 1 year before a marriage becomes legally binding. You'll never know if you're really compatible before that.
Eh I find this kind of strange and not the best use of time for most. Yeah first dates now can be stupid nothings like grabbing a coffee, drink, meal, going for a walk, etc. but they are great in the sense that they don't require too much time or money investment on someone you don't know (for both parties). I have dated a lot in today's rather awful landscape, I can usually tell within 10-20 minutes if I want to see this person again. The author would have found out they were incompatible sooner or later, whether they did this bizarre 'co-working' session as a first date or not. Maybe sooner if they hadn't been sitting there in silence staring at their laptops.
Hmm, I would've never thought to do this. It does kinda limit you to dating remote workers, but she does say that she would run errands and whatever else with people who couldn't make this work. My wife is now a hospital admin, and worked at a vet's office when we first met, so this wouldn't have worked for us. We ended up doing the traditional first date after meeting online so it isn't always bad to go that route.
I remember hearing about laundry dates in the old days. I think that there are aspects of this that can transfer to other activities.
I find it sad that the main point of the author seems to be that dating is a ‘time suck’ and it could be done more efficiently by doing it while also being productive. You yourself decide what kind of dates you want to be on, doesn’t have to be extravagant. And if you are serious about finding a relationship, why even resort to free dating apps, while there’s a plethora of paid search engine powered dating sites which probably filter way better for the kind of person you’d could match with. Or just old fashion really spend time in joining new hobby’s or clubs that bring you in contact with new people.
If you’re of the type that looks for a long term serious relationship, in which you are okay being bored together, it feels strange looking for someone in this hyper efficient way. It tells me you don’t want to dedicate precious time looking for a partner. If it’s that important to you, maybe you should.