Using digital platforms to make new friends
Hi everyone,
As other Tildes members have expressed through multiple topics, finding friends as adult is hard. I'm currently trying to figure what's the best way to do this for me and I was hoping I could get some help. I've tried joining group activities like boardgame and table top RPG groups but while it's been good to make acquaintances I haven't been able to find someone I could call a friend. I know partly this is on me because it's hard for me to connect with others, but through repetition I'm hoping to get there eventually. I also thought recently maybe I should change or complement my approach with something else, which is why I'm here. Are there any good online platforms to make friends? I know that for the most part apps where the goal is to get people together are more geared towards romantic relationships, but that's not what I'm after, I'm looking for something strickly platonic. Ideally should be someone near me so that we're not restricted to only doing online activities.
Appreciate any help I can get here.
Not a direct answer, but I highly suggest volunteering as a means to make friends. There's no shortage of ways to help out in your community and other people that do the same tend to be pretty good-natured.
Aside from that, I've had good luck making friends at climbing gyms, yoga studios, and local makerspaces. Conversely, I don't think I've ever had an online friend turn into a meaningful, long-term relationship. YMMV, however.
Third spaces are sadly a dying thing. I am an introvert, but I've got online friends from the 90s. We recently moved to a new spot in the country for my job (okay, it's been over three years now), and the friends we've made are nice and all, but they get along with my SO way more. I would like a friend. The group we have loves the group aspect (as does my SO, being the extrovert), and I still try to find ways to find that third space. Sadly, my commute really kills my free time, so while my job is amazing and I love where we live, it's more feasible for me to "throw" money at places I would rather prefer to volunteer.
All that being said, I guess I was addressing the OP, but also wanted to mention that I feel this is the best comment in the thread.
Semi-related to this: I have a few friends that I made over the past couple months who I made through my involvement in a local church. I decided to join up with a group and we went through 10 weeks of conscious conversation. We talked about Bible stuff, personal interpretations of stories, discussed the collective need for community, all that jazz.
I wouldn't try to say that this is specifically a religious thing. I think that the reason why the group worked out is because we went through team-building exercises and had guided conversations that were designed to break the ice, moving past surface level conversation and into the realm of trauma, family issues etc.
The point is, finding a friend might be a case of finding ways to deepen your connections with your existing social group. Perhaps doing something like playing How Deep Will You Go could be all you need to develop the sort of connections you're looking for. If I can do it with some totally random people from a church, I think you can do it with these people too.
I grew up in a very religious setting. I actually have attended one specific church that seems like it'd mesh, but we never connect to folks (or more so, I never do because my SO rarely visits these days... not that my attendance is stellar).
But as I was raised in the church (Catholic at first, then Protestant), I'm hugely skeptical but still open... just churchy kinda stuff tends to grate. But thank you for reminding me, I suspect it's been over a year since I've been... and yet, even when I'd disappear for months on end, someone would notice me.
And to me, that's a big key.
Don't let religion get in the way of your spirituality :)
I've found that having a go-to video game that multiple people are into can be helpful in establishing some long term friendships online. I have a group of friends I met online that I've been playing Destiny 2 with for the past several years. There are always reasons to come back and just chill and chat/get to know each other better, etc. I see groups looking for players to join their clan and could potentially strike something up that way?
Not that this is pertinent to the digital question, but I've met some really solid people through some local volunteering. If you pick something you're interested in, it's great because everyone else who shows up already has something in common with you!
Similar experience, but through Planetside 2.
I'm pretty introverted and shy, and I have a tendency to stay pretty quiet, even on voice comms, until I really know people (Though I'm a menace on chat). Anyway, I just kept showing up to in-game ops and events. I started recognizing in-game names and people recognized mine. And I kept going on Teamspeak/Discord, even if I didn't say much. Eventually I started talking little by little, more and more, and became one of the "core group." That took at least couple years, but I got there (I think I started hanging out/around when I was 28-30yo).
Those of us who are still around, like 8-10 of us, have now known each other now for at least 8yrs now. We've hung out in real life, travelled together, vacationed together, helped each other get jobs and move, and more. We don't even play Planetside 2 anymore, but we're all still friends.
Try Ingress or Pokemon GO, or another one of those games. If you like them, you'll end up meeting other folks who like them in your community.
Recommendation for Ingress as well. It will get you out and discovering areas in a different way. There is a big community of people playing and a couple of related apps that the community uses.
Personally, I can't fully recommend ingress. It used to be a lovely game, indeed, but as an early adopter who was playing for several years, I can say that, although it can indeed be great for socialising, it also seemed to attract a lot of creepy and/or toxic players who'd invade the other team's members' privacy or otherwise make people feel unwelcome just for some extra internet points. At least in the areas where I've played.
Have you tried Bumble BFF?
Obviously Bumble is a dating app, but you can make a profile for their BFF side, which is just that: looking for friends.
I am not aware of any online platforms designed specifically for making friends but your current approach should work. I actually made friends through Discord so that might be another place to loom. When I was a uni student looking to get an internship, I had joined this discord server where people helped each other prepare for the interview gauntlets at various companies. A few of the people from that group turned out to live in my metro area and we eventually started meeting up in person. We still mainly talk on Discord as we're all pretty busy with our own careers but we try to meet up whenever we can.