I've never understood the draw to helicopter parenting. But maybe that's because my parents were the opposite. The points this article brings up - fostering independence, allowing kids to learn...
I've never understood the draw to helicopter parenting. But maybe that's because my parents were the opposite. The points this article brings up - fostering independence, allowing kids to learn from their failures, etc. are all important skills while you're growing up. But perhaps even more importantly, why would you not want your kids to be able to handle themselves when they are alone? There's going to be a time where the kids are going to have time on their hands and you can't be home, you can't find a sitter, or whatever circumstance life throws at you. You should be prepared for this.
I don't think people helicopter parent because they've thought it through and consider it the best way to raise a child. I think people do it because they have trouble letting go of their children...
I don't think people helicopter parent because they've thought it through and consider it the best way to raise a child. I think people do it because they have trouble letting go of their children and worry for their safety and wellbeing.
Fostering independence means allowing your kid to get hurt and fail. Standing back and letting that happen is really hard!
Eh, I disagree. Many dragon parents have thought and planned it out to excess. Many helicopter parents I've talked with want the best for their child, so they control their schedule to ensure they...
Eh, I disagree. Many dragon parents have thought and planned it out to excess. Many helicopter parents I've talked with want the best for their child, so they control their schedule to ensure they have the biggest leg up when it comes to their development, education, etc.
Unfortunately by blindly controlling their children they're setting them up for failure because robbing your children of their voice is perhaps the worst thing you could do.
My daughter is in high school and has a couple friends that are not allowed to be home alone for more than a couple minutes. It absolutely baffles me. Some of the kids are so clueless of even how...
My daughter is in high school and has a couple friends that are not allowed to be home alone for more than a couple minutes. It absolutely baffles me. Some of the kids are so clueless of even how to make a meal or do some laundry. How are they expected to be on their own when they graduate or go off to college?
I can almost guarantee the parents would just stare at you for a minute before answering that last bit. I met many people in college freshman year that actually never knew how to cook a meal or do...
I can almost guarantee the parents would just stare at you for a minute before answering that last bit.
I met many people in college freshman year that actually never knew how to cook a meal or do their own laundry.
My wife and I don't have any children, so my observations may be of limited value, but I am of an age (40) where a significant number of my friends and peers have children, ranging from infants to...
My wife and I don't have any children, so my observations may be of limited value, but I am of an age (40) where a significant number of my friends and peers have children, ranging from infants to college-aged. I think a lot of this behavior is driven by peer pressure and the norms established by other parents. The article touches on this somewhat (i.e. the person criticizing the mother over leaving her child in the car for a few minutes).
In particular, the rise of "mommy groups" on Facebook seems to be a big part of it (although obviously not the whole issue as the issue of helicopter parenting was starting to appear even in the '80s and '90s). In the worst cases, straying outside the norms established by these groups can result in parent and child being nearly completely ostracized in their communities.
While there is a pressure for this when it comes to things like, leaving your child alone, helicopter parenting is often a lot more than that. It's hard to get ostracized over allowing your child...
While there is a pressure for this when it comes to things like, leaving your child alone, helicopter parenting is often a lot more than that. It's hard to get ostracized over allowing your child to start their own homework, or fill out their own applications before reviewing them because those kinds of questions shouldn't be coming up when you're socializing and it's easy to brush off by either saying "I'm trying to teach them some independence" or "I'm going to review it either way" or even frankly "it's none of your business".
the rise of "mommy groups" on Facebook
I do agree this is a huge issue, but why be reliant on Facebook for your social interactions? Yes it's nearly ubiquitous with parents nowadays, but everyone has at least one person they know and are friends with that just doesn't use Facebook. Get your social interaction in person and ignore the Facebook group bullshit drama and you'll probably be a lot happier anyways.
According to one of my neighbors, it's because they want their kids to know their parents give a shit. They didn't appreciate being told that their kids would eventually wish for a bit of benign...
I've never understood the draw to helicopter parenting. But maybe that's because my parents were the opposite.
According to one of my neighbors, it's because they want their kids to know their parents give a shit. They didn't appreciate being told that their kids would eventually wish for a bit of benign neglect from time to time, just so they could take a shit in peace.
Not having a choice in what you do because your are dictating what your kids can and cannot do is not how you show your kids that you care about them. This shows that you don't care for their...
it's because they want their kids to know their parents give a shit
Not having a choice in what you do because your are dictating what your kids can and cannot do is not how you show your kids that you care about them. This shows that you don't care for their input, the worst kind of neglect.
<sarcasm>I'll pass this to my neighbors. Maybe they'll lighten the hell up about their damn kids.</sarcasm> You should hear them talk. You'd think every pedophile in the state was salivating over...
<sarcasm>I'll pass this to my neighbors. Maybe they'll lighten the hell up about their damn kids.</sarcasm> You should hear them talk. You'd think every pedophile in the state was salivating over them, and I'm there biting my tongue to keep from saying, "Look, dude, your kids aren't that attractive. They're ordinary-looking and rather dim-witted. Have they even started reading chapter books yet? I'm just asking because I've never seen them read anything but Shonen Jump."
Be careful how you word it. If you tell them they are neglecting their kids, they're going to get defensive and shut you out. You should ask them questions about how their child's feelings are...
Be careful how you word it. If you tell them they are neglecting their kids, they're going to get defensive and shut you out.
You should ask them questions about how their child's feelings are incorporated into their plans. How do they balance work with play? Do the kids get to choose their own play? What about hobbies? How do they deal with something the parents feel is necessary if the kids are complaining about it?
Questions should lead them to question whether their child's input is being recognized and taken into consideration. Many parents will fall back on the "I'm older, and wiser, and therefore better suited to make decisions" but from personal experience this leads to resentment and mental health issues (in my case, depression and serious issues with authority figures).
I'm not telling them anything. Unless I see outright abuse or the kids come to me and ask for help, I'm not getting involved because it's none of my business. I've got my own concerns.
I'm not telling them anything. Unless I see outright abuse or the kids come to me and ask for help, I'm not getting involved because it's none of my business. I've got my own concerns.
Did I forget the sarcasm tag again? Sorry about that. I had wanted to word my response in a more polite fashion than just, "Why are you telling me this?"
Did I forget the sarcasm tag again? Sorry about that. I had wanted to word my response in a more polite fashion than just, "Why are you telling me this?"
I'm less interested in personal views on this (I'm on the side of free range mostly) but very interested on where parents think the law should begin to extend into issues like this that...
I'm less interested in personal views on this (I'm on the side of free range mostly) but very interested on where parents think the law should begin to extend into issues like this that traditionally have fallen to the parents. And why. One can easily say it's common sense, but trust me, dealing with many parents, a tremendous number of them don't have any idea about common sense. I might even have put myself in that category at one time.
Learning to fail is probably one of the most important skills to have. "And they also discover what it's like to fail. While on the surface might not sound all that appealing, failure is how kids...
Learning to fail is probably one of the most important skills to have.
"And they also discover what it's like to fail. While on the surface might not sound all that appealing, failure is how kids learn how to overcome obstacles, try out new ideas, and become resilient."
Having an internal locus of control allows you to take responsibility, and learn from your actions. This trend would actually explain why it seems so many people feel powerless and are always blaming other groups for their ills. I can see this as a big contributor to identity politics, as feeling powerless may force people to seek out groups to identify with that provide them some feeling of safety and belonging.
"not having control of their decisions and life creates an external rather than internal locus of control. Internal locus of control is "the degree to which you feel that you're in control of your own life, versus the degree you feel you're a victim of fate and circumstance and powerful other people," he says. "Every decade, young people report less internal locus of control, more external locus of control.""
I've never understood the draw to helicopter parenting. But maybe that's because my parents were the opposite. The points this article brings up - fostering independence, allowing kids to learn from their failures, etc. are all important skills while you're growing up. But perhaps even more importantly, why would you not want your kids to be able to handle themselves when they are alone? There's going to be a time where the kids are going to have time on their hands and you can't be home, you can't find a sitter, or whatever circumstance life throws at you. You should be prepared for this.
I don't think people helicopter parent because they've thought it through and consider it the best way to raise a child. I think people do it because they have trouble letting go of their children and worry for their safety and wellbeing.
Fostering independence means allowing your kid to get hurt and fail. Standing back and letting that happen is really hard!
Eh, I disagree. Many dragon parents have thought and planned it out to excess. Many helicopter parents I've talked with want the best for their child, so they control their schedule to ensure they have the biggest leg up when it comes to their development, education, etc.
Unfortunately by blindly controlling their children they're setting them up for failure because robbing your children of their voice is perhaps the worst thing you could do.
My daughter is in high school and has a couple friends that are not allowed to be home alone for more than a couple minutes. It absolutely baffles me. Some of the kids are so clueless of even how to make a meal or do some laundry. How are they expected to be on their own when they graduate or go off to college?
I can almost guarantee the parents would just stare at you for a minute before answering that last bit.
I met many people in college freshman year that actually never knew how to cook a meal or do their own laundry.
My wife and I don't have any children, so my observations may be of limited value, but I am of an age (40) where a significant number of my friends and peers have children, ranging from infants to college-aged. I think a lot of this behavior is driven by peer pressure and the norms established by other parents. The article touches on this somewhat (i.e. the person criticizing the mother over leaving her child in the car for a few minutes).
In particular, the rise of "mommy groups" on Facebook seems to be a big part of it (although obviously not the whole issue as the issue of helicopter parenting was starting to appear even in the '80s and '90s). In the worst cases, straying outside the norms established by these groups can result in parent and child being nearly completely ostracized in their communities.
While there is a pressure for this when it comes to things like, leaving your child alone, helicopter parenting is often a lot more than that. It's hard to get ostracized over allowing your child to start their own homework, or fill out their own applications before reviewing them because those kinds of questions shouldn't be coming up when you're socializing and it's easy to brush off by either saying "I'm trying to teach them some independence" or "I'm going to review it either way" or even frankly "it's none of your business".
I do agree this is a huge issue, but why be reliant on Facebook for your social interactions? Yes it's nearly ubiquitous with parents nowadays, but everyone has at least one person they know and are friends with that just doesn't use Facebook. Get your social interaction in person and ignore the Facebook group bullshit drama and you'll probably be a lot happier anyways.
According to one of my neighbors, it's because they want their kids to know their parents give a shit. They didn't appreciate being told that their kids would eventually wish for a bit of benign neglect from time to time, just so they could take a shit in peace.
Not having a choice in what you do because your are dictating what your kids can and cannot do is not how you show your kids that you care about them. This shows that you don't care for their input, the worst kind of neglect.
<sarcasm>I'll pass this to my neighbors. Maybe they'll lighten the hell up about their damn kids.</sarcasm> You should hear them talk. You'd think every pedophile in the state was salivating over them, and I'm there biting my tongue to keep from saying, "Look, dude, your kids aren't that attractive. They're ordinary-looking and rather dim-witted. Have they even started reading chapter books yet? I'm just asking because I've never seen them read anything but Shonen Jump."
Be careful how you word it. If you tell them they are neglecting their kids, they're going to get defensive and shut you out.
You should ask them questions about how their child's feelings are incorporated into their plans. How do they balance work with play? Do the kids get to choose their own play? What about hobbies? How do they deal with something the parents feel is necessary if the kids are complaining about it?
Questions should lead them to question whether their child's input is being recognized and taken into consideration. Many parents will fall back on the "I'm older, and wiser, and therefore better suited to make decisions" but from personal experience this leads to resentment and mental health issues (in my case, depression and serious issues with authority figures).
I'm not telling them anything. Unless I see outright abuse or the kids come to me and ask for help, I'm not getting involved because it's none of my business. I've got my own concerns.
Apologies I thought your intent was to say something when you said
Did I forget the sarcasm tag again? Sorry about that. I had wanted to word my response in a more polite fashion than just, "Why are you telling me this?"
The rest of the post was clearly sarcastic, I just wasn't sure whether you wanted to actually have a conversation with them or not.
Dear creeping gods, no. I was content to ignore them unless the postie fucked up and gave me their mail.
I'm less interested in personal views on this (I'm on the side of free range mostly) but very interested on where parents think the law should begin to extend into issues like this that traditionally have fallen to the parents. And why. One can easily say it's common sense, but trust me, dealing with many parents, a tremendous number of them don't have any idea about common sense. I might even have put myself in that category at one time.
Learning to fail is probably one of the most important skills to have.
"And they also discover what it's like to fail. While on the surface might not sound all that appealing, failure is how kids learn how to overcome obstacles, try out new ideas, and become resilient."
Having an internal locus of control allows you to take responsibility, and learn from your actions. This trend would actually explain why it seems so many people feel powerless and are always blaming other groups for their ills. I can see this as a big contributor to identity politics, as feeling powerless may force people to seek out groups to identify with that provide them some feeling of safety and belonging.
"not having control of their decisions and life creates an external rather than internal locus of control. Internal locus of control is "the degree to which you feel that you're in control of your own life, versus the degree you feel you're a victim of fate and circumstance and powerful other people," he says. "Every decade, young people report less internal locus of control, more external locus of control.""