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35 votes
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Does anyone have any advice for new dads?
I'm going to be a father soon. This kid was very much planned, and I've been pretty involved every step of the way, yet it still feels bizarre to say that out loud. At 26 (27 when the kid is...
I'm going to be a father soon. This kid was very much planned, and I've been pretty involved every step of the way, yet it still feels bizarre to say that out loud. At 26 (27 when the kid is born), I don't feel like a kid, but in some ways, I'm not sure I feel mature enough for parenthood.
I'm not too worried about the immediate logistical practicalities of parenthood. Things like how to clean, feed, and physically handle a newborn are things I can learn and seem fairly straightforward. Regarding what to get, I live within walking distance of a fairly well known baby supply store, so I figure I can just buy things as the need arises. I'm expecting that first month to be hard, but after I "figure out" the kid, I'm sure it'll be manageable. My folks did it, their folks did it, I'm sure I can do it too.
I guess what I'm really dwelling on is the more abstract aspects of fatherhood. I don't know what to expect and I don't really know what I don't know. What does it feel like? How should I prioritize my life? How do I figure out what's important and what isn't? I want to do what's best for the kid, but what does that even mean? How much is expecting too much from the kid? My wife wants the kid to be able to speak Russian, naturally, I want the kid to be able to speak English, and living in Japan, the kid will also have to pick up Japanese. Is that going to stunt the kid? I have so many questions and no one to really ask. I asked my own dad about it and all he said was something along the lines of "every kid is different, it might take a bit of time to really sink in that you're a dad" and that was that.
A bit of background about my situation:
On one hand, I'm in an okay place. I have a house with a very affordable mortgage, a modest, but stable career, and I live in a very safe part of Japan, which offers a lot of support for new parents. On the other hand, both my wife and I are thousands of miles from our respective families, so we're pretty much on our own and neither of are as fluent in the local language as we'd like to be.35 votes -
How CoComelon captures our children’s attention
15 votes -
Sweden has consistently reported some of the lowest rates of maternal and child mortality in the world – unfortunately these achievements don't extend to foreign-born mothers
15 votes -
Should you let babies 'cry it out'? Debate reignited by new study.
18 votes -
Foreskin reclaimers: The ‘intactivists’ fighting infant male circumcision
27 votes -
Newborn babies, baby registries, first year of life, and sustainability
So, I have my first child on the way. To say I'm unprepared or overwhelmed isn't exactly accurate, but wouldn't really be wrong either. My wife and I are reasonably intelligent, compassionate,...
So, I have my first child on the way. To say I'm unprepared or overwhelmed isn't exactly accurate, but wouldn't really be wrong either. My wife and I are reasonably intelligent, compassionate, patient people so I have a lot of confidence in our ability to figure this out as we go, but there are some things we have to prepare for before the baby comes.
The big current task is the "baby registry" so I thought I would start a discussion on the things we should actually be asking for, what's worth buying new, and what's worth finding second-hand or making ourselves.
A few things have been gifted to us already but I wanted to start an open discussion of the items that are important, helpful, or even just fun for newborn babies and raising infants and toddlers in a safe, enriching, and comfortable environment.
I thought it might be helpful to request top-level comments for discussion on various aspects of "baby life" and the things a new parent should make sure they have, government or private services and programs to be aware of, or anything else I might be forgetting. I'd like to have this topic focused on first year of life concerns.
I'd like to avoid any discussion of "how to raise your kids" because I think it's such a highly personal thing and also based heavily on what your individual child is like - so I'm really thinking in terms of goods, services, and easing the burden on us, the parents. You don't have to have kids to reply! I think outside perspectives are also very valuable because there are so many preconceived notions about this stuff. I'll post a few top level comments of the things I am personally thinking about, but please feel free to fill in anything you notice is missing, or doesn't fit well in a posted category. I'm happy to change categories as requested as well to be more inclusive or specific.
31 votes -
Prison guards, but not mother, get counselling after baby dies in cell
19 votes -
Two women gave birth on the same day in a place called Come By Chance. They didn’t know each other, and never would. Half a century later, their children made a shocking discovery
10 votes -
Why it's cheaper to have a baby in Finland than in the US
11 votes -
To solve the problem of a dwindling population, one small Finnish municipality took a big step – pay its citizens to have babies
9 votes -
Baby box safety doubts raised by experts
5 votes