Newborn babies, baby registries, first year of life, and sustainability
So, I have my first child on the way. To say I'm unprepared or overwhelmed isn't exactly accurate, but wouldn't really be wrong either. My wife and I are reasonably intelligent, compassionate, patient people so I have a lot of confidence in our ability to figure this out as we go, but there are some things we have to prepare for before the baby comes.
The big current task is the "baby registry" so I thought I would start a discussion on the things we should actually be asking for, what's worth buying new, and what's worth finding second-hand or making ourselves.
A few things have been gifted to us already but I wanted to start an open discussion of the items that are important, helpful, or even just fun for newborn babies and raising infants and toddlers in a safe, enriching, and comfortable environment.
I thought it might be helpful to request top-level comments for discussion on various aspects of "baby life" and the things a new parent should make sure they have, government or private services and programs to be aware of, or anything else I might be forgetting. I'd like to have this topic focused on first year of life concerns.
I'd like to avoid any discussion of "how to raise your kids" because I think it's such a highly personal thing and also based heavily on what your individual child is like - so I'm really thinking in terms of goods, services, and easing the burden on us, the parents. You don't have to have kids to reply! I think outside perspectives are also very valuable because there are so many preconceived notions about this stuff. I'll post a few top level comments of the things I am personally thinking about, but please feel free to fill in anything you notice is missing, or doesn't fit well in a posted category. I'm happy to change categories as requested as well to be more inclusive or specific.
The only thing you probably shouldn't buy used is diapers. There are many tools and gadgets that will be used intensively for a dozen or two months, and then you will never need them again. I personally wouldn't be afraid of used car seats--I feel like there's a financial incentive for car seat companies to say that car seats expire after 5 years.
The main thing I would work hard to get is support, either from relatives or from hired help. Not just baby care, but people to mow the lawn and wash dishes. If your dishwasher is broken, it's probably worth fixing it now.
Have fun, take lots of pictures. The baby stage will feel like forever when you're in it, but it feels really brief when you're away from it.
The issue with car seats is more knowing the history of them - if you’re buying off a friend who you know hasn’t been involved in a car crash that’s fine. But if you buy off a stranger from an online auction site, how can you be sure it hasn’t been in a crash/dropped/mishandled in a way that affects the safety of your child?
Ok, good point.
I mean, obviously money is a factor. But my sister is actually a CPSAC (Child Passenger Safety Association of Canada) certified Child Passenger Safety Technician, and there is far more validity to that 5 year expiry than you probably think. Car seat technology, testing methodology, and regulations (at least here in Canada) have changed considerably over the last 5 years, and even moreso over the last 10+. That's precisely why in order to maintain your CPST certification you need to re-certify every 3 years. So it's not just about making more money for the car seat manufacturers, it's also about keeping up with the still evolving technology, regulations, and our understanding of which are the safest methods of protecting children during car crashes.
So will your child be fine in an older, used car seat? Yes, probably, maybe. But they will undeniably, and statistically, be much safer in a newer one that is built to the more up-to-date standards. And that's not even factoring in the other potential issues with buying used car seats that @crd brought up.
I'll agree with that. It's also true that a 5-year old car will be statistically less safe than a brand new one, even if in mint condition. Some people would avoid used cars just for that reason, but not me.
Yeah, that's certainly your prerogative, and the right of every parent. And I'm also well aware that not everyone can actually afford to buy a top-of-the-line, brand new car seat. So I don't look down on the practice of buying used, and totally understand why its necessary for many people. As my sister often says to other parents, "just buy the best car seat you can afford. Even if that is an older used old model, it's still infinitely better than not having any car seat at all." But I think framing the 5 year expiry as if its primarily motivated by greed is incredibly misleading.
Ok, fair point.
Support is a big concern for us, because we don't live near any family we would trust to take care of her in our absence. We're seriously considering moving closer to family but weighing that against the benefits and protections offered in California is tough...
We brought ours up without nearby familial support as well. If you stay where you are, day care becomes critical. You'll have to start looking now.
Support is absolutely huge. My parents did my sister and I without any nearby and while it might have been easier since my sister and I are much further apart than my two kids, I can't imagine doing it any other way.
My mother in law recently moved closer to us, a 5 minute drive down from 25 minutes and it's amazing how much more support that has meant for us. Plus we have lots of Aunts and Uncles very close, which helps.
One child is significantly easier than 2, but you still absolutely need support and you need to focus on keeping your relationship with your partner healthy. Eventually your child will leave home and may or may not talk to you anymore; you aren't owed a relationship with your adult children, so remember to nourish the relationship that begat them. A healthy relationship with your partner should always come first, because that's what's going to benefit your kid(s) in the long run, as well as ensure you still have a partner when the time comes for your chick to leave the nest.
I just want to say that baby wipes are the shit. My kids are beyond needing them now but we still keep them around the house because they're so damn useful for so many things.
Thankfully enough, we already buy baby wipes in bulk from Costco! They are amazing when traveling (we're bidet people so, you know) and around the house for quick hygiene needs like cleaning sweat without needing a full shower.
Hygiene
Diapers, wipes, skincare, powders/creams, cleaning supplies, etc.
Don’t forget mom if she’s giving birth:
*lanolin nipple cream (have her test it inside her wrist first, some people are allergic. There are non-lanolin creams but lanolin is better if you can use it)
*hydrogel pads <- I was told to use these over lanolin when I had open wounds.
*Perineal ice packs
*Dermoplast (I saw the same kind they gave me at the hospital at rite aid!)
*peri bottle
Suggestions from me:
*Get her a nice pair or two of nursing pjs so she feels presentable when everyone visits the first few weeks.
*Restock any skincare products she had to stop using while pregnant that expired.
*A nice, long flannel robe (like from llbean) is nice to throw on when you have to get out of your warm bed in the middle of the night.
Lastly, her abs will be shot, so she will have difficulty with things like getting out of a rocking chair gracefully with a sleeping baby in her arms or carrying heavy things. Even sitting up in bed will require rolling over first or using arms. That was the one thing I felt like no one helped me with. They’d hand me things and I’d be like “now I’m trapped here in this chair”
Oh my gosh, thank you. I feel like both of us are so concerned about baby's health and happiness I'm afraid we'll forget ourselves, so this is all great advice. Since we're much better about thinking of each other than ourselves, I'm taking this all deeply to heart.
Np! I always try to focus on the mom in these kinds of recommendation. The baby will get a ton of attention and gifts no matter what, and it was really hard for me to be physically struggling while everyone was celebrating. I know this isn’t true, but I felt like people only cared about me while I was pregnant and once the baby was here no one cared how I was doing.
Cloth diapers? This could fall under sustainability as well. Does anyone have experience with cloth diapers and feel strongly for or against them? I hate the idea of throwing away hundreds or thousands of disposable diapers, but I've also heard some conflicting information about how difficult it is to use and maintain cloth diapers in a safe, hygienic manner.
Here's UK government research. It's over 200 pages long and their conclusion is basically "lol, we dunno".
Life Cycle Assessment of Disposable and Reusable Nappies in the UK
Government realised this was ridiculous, so they re-did it.
An updated lifecycle assessment study for disposable and reusable nappies
The updated version was published in 2008, based mostly on 2006 data, so lots might have changed. It says this:
---begin quote---
The average 2006 disposable nappy would result in a global warming impact of approximately 550kg of carbon dioxide equivalents used over the two and a half years a child is typically in nappies. The global warming impact from disposable nappies use has decreased since the previous study due to manufacturing changes and a 13.5 per cent reduction in the weight of nappies.
The report highlights that the manufacture of disposable nappies has greater environmental impact in the UK than their waste management by landfill.
For reusable nappies, the baseline scenario based on average washer and drier use produced a global warming impact of approximately 570kg of carbon dioxide equivalents. However, the study showed that the impacts for reusable nappies are highly dependent on the way they are laundered.
Washing the nappies in fuller loads or line-drying them outdoors all the time (ignoring UK climatic conditions for the purposes of illustration) was found to reduce this figure by 16 per cent. Combining three of the beneficial scenarios (washing nappies in a fuller load, outdoor line drying all of the time, and reusing nappies on a second child) would lower the global warming impact by 40 per cent from the baseline scenario, or some 200kg of carbon dioxide equivalents over the two and a half years, equal to driving a car approximately 1,000 km.
In contrast, the study indicated that if a consumer tumble-dried all their reusable nappies, it would produce a global warming impact 43 per cent higher than the baseline scenario. Similarly, washing nappies at 90°C instead of at 60°C would increase global warming impact by 31 per cent over the baseline. Combining these two energy intensive scenarios would increase the global warming impact by 75 per cent over the baseline scenario, or some 420kg of carbon dioxide equivalent over the two and a half years.
The environmental impacts of using shaped reusable nappies can be higher or lower than using disposables, depending on how they are laundered. The report shows that, in contrast to the use of disposable nappies, it is consumers’ behaviour after purchase that determines most of the impacts from reusable nappies.
This is so thorough, and confirms a lot of what I've suspected. We would only want to buy new for this, and we're only planning on having the one, so unless we were making our own electricity (a la solar or whatever) it probably isn't going to be worth the extra effort. Especially considering energy costs in SoCal.
Another cloth diaperer here. Added bonuses I haven’t seen mentioned:
No poop blow outs. EVER. People talk about blow outs like it’s a regular thing and we’ve never had one (kiddo is 1.5 years).
No diaper rash. Basically ever. Her booty cheeks get reddened sometimes, usually when other people watch her and don’t notice a poop as quickly as my husband or I would.
Added note: it’s REALLY not that hard. I’m shocked more people don’t do it. People who use disposables act like it’s so hard, but I don’t know where they’re getting that from because everyone I know who uses cloth thinks it’s pretty straightforward.
It depends. I work in childcare and have seen quite a few of the cloth nappies. Some children just don’t tolerate them. We had a pair of siblings, older child was fine, never had a problem and used them until he was toilet trained. Younger one, they had to switch to disposables after the third fungal infection, his poor skin was so cracked and sore from the infection when it first appeared each time. The nappies were being cleaned properly as well, it just didn’t suit him
We used a mix of cloth and disposable diapers. Cloth diapers at home, disposables while out and about. We had no particular issues, but we also did something called early elimination communication. Basically, we started "toilet training" from about 6 months, and paired it with baby sign language.
Some people hear that and think that we must be hippies, but I should note that I'm a programmer and my wife is a professor in rehabilitation science - specifically speech and language pathology - and there has been a lot of research into both of these things and they work, so I recommend for anyone to start thinking about baby sign language and early potty training.
Basically, it's all about fostering communication with your child from an early age. If a child can sign for "milk" or "poop" while they are crying, then you can fix their problem, and kids can sign a lot earlier than they can talk.
I was under the impression that baby sign language is pretty mainstream these days? My niece is a big Miss Rachel buff and she uses it a bunch in her videos (though my niece only knows like two signs atm).
It might be more mainstream now; 17 years ago when we started doing it a lot of people thought we were out to lunch!
Ah yeah I can see it being a lot less common then!
Yo, definitely not hippy stuff! My wife and I have been 100% dead set on baby sign language since her cousin's babies both learned/used it successfully, it's cool and simple psychology/physiology - vocal cords are complicated!
Baby sign language is such a game changer! Before our son spoke any words he could communicate basically any needs. It made getting him what he wanted so much easier!
I compare it to my nephew who didn't learn sign language and it's just so damn hard to know what he wants.
We use cloth diapers for our 1.5 year old (hopefully potty training soon though) and will definitely be using them again for our second due in Dec. I also hate throwing things away, but there are other benefits too. Washing becomes a daily thing that you do on autopilot, so you don’t have to think about it much and you will never run out of diapers at 2 am or forget to buy them at the store. Also, they smell A LOT less than disposable diapers. Disposable diapers smell awful even before they’re used, and once they have pee it’s just really terrible. Also since you are washing the diapers every day you never have ultra-disgusting diaper trash building up. Also they hold in the poop explosions sooooooo much better than disposables. And they are cuter. There are tons of different styles that fit differently and different people like better or not, so starting out with a few of different sorts is usually a good idea.
In terms of washing, it’s really pretty simple. One important thing to know is how hard your water is. The harder the water, the more detergent you need. You should be able to determine this either through your municipality or water testing if you have a well. Then you look at the detergent box/bottle and use the dosage for heavy soiling for your level of water hardness. Different detergents work better/worse. Ones with enzymes are better but can be difficult to find if you are trying to avoid fragrances and other toxic chemicals in detergent. Personally I use Attitude liquid and I have soft water, I add a scoop of oxygen bleach too.
Daily you should do what is called a prewash, which is a shorter cycle with half the dose of detergent as the “main wash” I do a hot (60 Celsius) wash for 1:18 minutes (it’s the shirts cycle on my Miele machine, with the shirt option selected). Then every few days (this will be determined by how many diapers you have/how big your machine is/etc) you wash all the pre-washed diapers in a “main wash” which should be a longer cycle. I use the Cottons program on 60 Celsius. It’s about 2.5 hours. You can get away with 40 Celsius water (warm) if your detergent has enzymes, though doin* a hot prewash (especially if you use cloth overnight) can still be helpful. For all your washing questions I would recommend the Clean Cloth Nappies group. They have a great website that explains everything. It sounds complicated at first but it’s really not
My parents used cloth diapers for me back in the early 90’s and from what I understand they just washed em in the normal washer and dryer.
I would assume that they did a second rinse to make sure the washer and everything else was clean after though.
After I was out of the diapers they kept them around and ended up cutting holes in them for one of our dogs when she was in heat and the tail just slid through the hole
I’m a nursery nurse so I’ve seen a lot of different types of nappy. They suit some kids but they cause really bad rash and infections for others, even when cleaned properly. I personally really like the bamboo or biodegradable nappies because there’s less issues than the normal plastic disposables
My brother and his wife use cloth diapers. If you have a washing machine it's easy: Spray the poo out and wash. They have a funky showerhead that has a sprayer they can turn on and spray the diaper into the toilet. If the kid is just on milk+formula it's not so bad. As the kid grows and eats other stuff (meat) you may want to switch to disposables, and keep them on hand for trips out, travel, and accidents, or sotuations where you may not be able to change as fast.
Otherwise shake that tin cup and try to get as many diapers as you can from the registry.
We tried cloth, but our kids kept getting bad rashes. We switched to bamboo diapers that claim to degrade better than most others. They work fine. Feel free to try cloth diapers, they aren't too much of a hassle, but if it's not working out, it's okay to switch.
Were the cloth made of bamboo fibers? Those worked great for us and never had any rashes.
I don't think so. They were passed down from my wife's cousin.
We did the reusable diapers with one of the kids, where they were about 9 months old. We were heart and soul into it. We lasted maybe 2 months? The leaks, the chore (and cost) of washing, the risk of diaper rash, the fact that they never really washed perfectly. Maybe we gave up too early, I don't know, but we got a visible bump in quality of life when we went back to the huggies.
My sister used cloth diapers on and off for her kids. There are times where a cloth diaper is fine, like when you are at home and you have some more time for clean up vs. when you are out and needing to do a quick change. She also got the bidet hose attachment for her toilet so she could rinse them before putting them in the wash. I would look at how many diapers would you need to replace before getting some ROI on them before deciding on a purchase.
Great points- since we're really only planning on having the one, this has been one of my concerns, whether we'd really get enough use to justify it. I think the main draws for me are being able to easily avoid excess plastic, and focusing on fabrics that are better for skin-contact.
I didn't even think about the fact that we'd still probably be buying disposables for travel though. Great food for thought.
One and done parents will still get a tone of mileage out of cloth. They also resell fairly well actually.
Don't estimate number based on how often you think baby will soil one: estimate it based on how many times you're going to check every day and just kinda .....might as well get a new one.
Thanks for the insight. This is definitely one of the main areas we're just like "???" because it seems like there are so many benefits and drawbacks to both ways.
I suppose the real "best" way might lay somewhere in the middle.
I see no one has mentioned meconium yet in this thread.
Cloth or disposable, the first 10ish days you are going to use disposable, because of the meconium. You know those "just rolled into the shop" videos where the super old engine oil is thick, black and sticky? Yeah like that. Using disposable for the first two weeks is recommended even by the hardcore cloth crowd :)
Meconium surprisingly washes out really easily!
True for health reasons but not for esthetics. Although perfectly clean, I never managed to get the stains out of the microfibre cloths. In practical use it doesn't make a difference, but when you're out and having to store those for the day, and if you wanted to re-sell them later, it makes a bit of difference.
BUT! Perhaps materials have greatly improved since my time?
We used reusable diapers, relying heavily on advice and recommendations from the nappy lady. Based on our occasional use of disposables while traveling, cloth makes for much easier wiping. It absorbs some of the liquid so the poo doesn’t stick as much to the baby. If you’re not up for committing all the way, reusable wipes at least are well worth it at least in my opinion.
Very happy to talk more about what we did/learned if you’re interested.
These are the same dry wipes you'll likely see at the hospital. They are incredibly soft and great for patting dry after using wet wipes. Keeping the diaper area dry is the best way to avoid diaper rash and it's much easier to prevent than to try to get rid of.
Speaking of, I don't have anything beyond anecdotal evidence, but I'd strongly suggest using "sensitive" fragrance free wet wipes like Seventh Generation or Honest Company. I really think keeping harsher chemicals and fragrances away from newborns skin is for the best.
Don't buy bulk packages of newborn diapers, they grow fast. Size 1 goes quick too.
I would agree not to stock up ahead of time, but you’re also using a lot of diapers in the first weeks as you get a feel for your baby those bulk packs can be useful.
IMHO it's a better choice not to buy in bulk that quickly. You can always return unopened packs.
Oh, @Kingofthezyx you can exchange unopened boxes of diapers at Walmart without a receipt. There's a decent chance someone will give you diapers, but different brands fit different bums and at some point you'll end up with sizes you don't need.
My son grew out of newborn diapers in about 1 week lol
I think mine had you beat by 48hrs.
My daughter took a bit longer, but we still had leftovers from our one and only package.
Relatively new father here (9 month old). We skipped the registry and got a ton of handy downs from other parents (babies grow so fast haha). A few super nice things to have though are Velcro swaddles (or magnetic, take them to the hospital with you, learning to swaddle with a blanket sucks), wipes and diapers (of course, but don’t stock up on too many diapers, they grow out of them fast), pacifiers, bottles (a variety of brands, your little one will get supper gassy with some brands and not others), a baby susher (seriously, that thing helps put are little one to sleep so well). Eventually you’ll want a pack in play when they start moving around.
As for services, check your local library. This has become one of the most valuable things for us. They have programs for infants and toddlers, tons of sensory books, and play areas for kids. We went from having never stepped into a library, to going almost twice a week.
Not sure if you have a car set yet, but when you do get one, check your local police department and see if they have a service where they show you how to set it up and strap your little one in, was super helpful for us. Also be aware that car seats “expire”, there’s a date where they are considered no longer safe to use.
I’m sure you know these two things, but get on the list for daycare now (well I guess depends on your area, but most daycares have a 2-3 year waiting list around us) and preprogram the route to the hospital parking garage in your car GPS if you can.
Consider writing a journal to your little one! I write to my little guy a few times a week and include photos and videos. Planning to hand it to him when he’s 21. Whatever service you use, make sure it will be around in 21+ years. I self host the notes and have backups.
Don't be afraid to use nursing consultants (if your insurance offers it). It's normal to have problems (like latching or production) and you don't have to be alone.
Oh another product recommendation, Infant Optics makes incredible baby monitors. Stay away from anything “smart” that requires your phone.
Feel free to ask any questions! Congratulations and enjoy your sleep while it lasts!
I really appreciate this response, thank you! Thankfully we've also received some second-hand gifts from my wife's cousin whose youngest just turned 2 ‐ a car seat, play-pen/bassinet combo, some clothes and toys. That's very interesting about multiple bottle types and it makes total sense, because of the way they use the bottle/nipple it could introduce more or less air to the equation.
I love the library! But I haven't been in years, I definitely want to make it a regular part of her life as she grows up but it's also wonderful to know we could probably get some use out of it while she's too young to read too. We have some good libraries nearby so that's definitely going on the list.
We are so worried about daycare! I work full-time with some flexibility, and my wife works full-time with almost no flexibility. She's actively looking to change that but we kind of have to wait until after she takes FMLA and other benefits because of time-in-job requirements for eligibility. She's planning to look for alternative work once she's on leave, or working with her current position to go part-time or remote. We'll also have a few months between when she's off FMLA and when I am eligible to take mine... I can't drop my job because mine's the one with the killer benefits. This is probably our biggest stressor at the moment.
Journaling is a great idea because we're hoping to only do this once. I'll definitely put something together locally if I decide to do it electronically.
As for sleep, for once I'm grateful that I've always been a terrible sleeper with a mess of insomnia and the ability to function normally on less sleep than I'm supposed to. Here's to hoping she takes after her Mom on sleep because my wife sleeps like she was cursed by an evil stepmother.
Haha it's the same for us! I am the worst sleeper in the world, and my wife can sleep through anything! I joke she's never seen an airplane take off because she's always asleep before we even taxi from the gate.
Daycare and leave are so stressful, I hate the system and am so jealous of other countries with great leave policies. I have heard churches have extremely cheap daycare services (even if you don't attend/not religious).
Wishing you guys the best, you've got this! And believe me when I say it gets easier. The past month or two have been amazing, he's more active, verbal and his personality is shining through. Makes it so worth it when they laugh at you, or play a game with you, or just smile when the see you across the room.
Photos are great, but when you look back you'll wish you took more videos instead
Buy nipple cream if no one gives you some. Lanolin based ones work well.
If it's a boy, he will pee when you open his diaper. If you're not holding the diaper at the right angle it will arc up on to his face. Point things down when putting on the new diaper.
Rascal and Friends diapers are much better than Pampers or Huggies and competitively priced.
If you can, organize shifts with your partner. Split the night in half, one of you takes care of the baby while the other sleeps undisturbed in another room.
Your kid is going to fall asleep in your arms a lot. It's great for initial bonding, but after a few weeks you want to start quickly putting them down in to bed. Yes, they'll wake up, but they're tired and will fall back asleep. This is not a failure, it's a good thing. Falling asleep alone, away from a heartbeat, is the first life skill they need to learn. The longer you wait to teach them, the harder it gets.
Baby Bjorn makes a really simple reclining bouncer. You'll want something like that, whether motorized or not.
No one burps enough to start. You'll be exhausted and want to go back to bed ASAP, but burping, more burping, and even more burping will mean a longer, better rest for both of you.
Comotomo bottles are the shit. Great anti-gas design, soft nipple top in a familiar shape
Try to buy a car seat that will drop on to your stroller without an bunch of adapters
Lots of great advice in here so I’ll just touch on something I don’t think has been mentioned.
I’ll start with a disclaimer, as I always do with parenting advice. Parenting an infant today is full of comepting claims, "should you swaddle”, "should you sleep train” “should you co-sleep” etc. etc. so this is what worked for us but it may not work for you.
Sleep training our children was the best decision we ever made. Sleep training is a bit of euphemism, I jokingly refer to it as strategic neglect. But you have to remember that you're teaching your child a new skill (falling asleep by themselves) and that sometimes it's hard to learn new skills. I think a lot of parents get desperate for any sleep, so they start co-sleeping and get stuck co-sleeping for a long time. If that works for, great, no judgment. But I have friends who still have toddlers in their bed, so something to keep in mind. There's also an entire industry of "sleep coaches" who prey on sleep deprived parents with ~$200+ courses and seminars. Here's a book we used. It's pretty cheap and the advice was effective. My kids have both been going to bed at 7-7:30 since ~4-5 months and I honestly don't know how we'd manage without that decompression time.
Health
Diet, breastfeeding, doctor's visits, medicine, etc.
Calcium supplements for mom while pregnant. We didn't hear this with our first baby, but where do you think all the calcium for bones comes from?
If she'll be breast feeding, which is strongly recommended, then continue the calcium supplements! A new Breast milk pump should be covered by insurance. Careful with used because old ones are not as effective.
Keep infant Tylenol stocked.
Check out the app or website about wonder weeks. Your baby will have ups and downs when it comes to sleeping and general disposition. It's normal and will get better. This wonder weeks concept helps explain it and know if the baby is sick or going through a developmental leap.
You can give Tylenol and Advil at the same time. Alternate every couple hours if they're really sick. Make a spreadsheet, enter the kid's weight, and calculate the exact dose instead of using the ranges on the packaging — this way every time you get a new weight you can enter it and instantly have an up to date dosage. Share the spreadsheet with your partner and record the time and medicine given: a time will come when you've forgotten or don't know exactly what and when your partner administered for the last dose.
Great advice, but I do want to point out I laughed at someone who named themselves @Ibuprofen, and then brandnaming Advil. Motrin is crying now, look what you did.
Hah! Is Motrin big elsewhere? Here in Canada it exists but everyone acts like it doesn't.
Piggie back on this: you can obtain very small ml (no needle) syringe for picking up and dispensing liquids easier than spoon, from pharmacies
True, though Advil and Tylenol include them in the Infant packaging.
But we grabbed some larger 10ml liquid syringes off Amazon for the Kids version too — much easier than fussing around pouring into a little cup he has to drink in the middle of the night.
And FYI the Kids variant is just a diluted version of the Infant product. If you're in a pinch you can substitute the Kids' variant, so long as you adjust the dose appropriately.
If breastfeeding isn't working out, look for "human milk for human babies" group to obtain some, if that's your preference.
If it IS working out, kindly consider donating. Recipient parents are usually very kind about gifting back milk bags and other small gifts for the donor mom.
More important than having painkillers at home is some kind of hydration thing. Pedialyte is notoriously disgusting tasting but they probably have a few flavours.
Canadian parents usually have some kind of free nurse helpline for questions, and depending on province Video access to doctors via Maple. Looking up this kinda stuff, as well as what your employment insurance covers, is a good prep activity to do.
Any breathing difficulty related issues is "do not pass go do not collect 200" proceed to ER. But otherwise writing down time and symptoms and track progress provide comfort then doctor is usually sufficient.
If weight gain is a concern having a good precision baby weight scale at home is great, more probably for peace of mind than actual....esp if you're the data collecting and charting type.
Sustainability
Reusability, anti-waste, buy it used, etc.
Thanks for this post, you seem like a very patient and understanding person. We're definitely trying to remind ourselves of #1 a lot. It's like a constant game of trying to reconcile "it will be fine" and "it could be better".
I went to a Montessori school for pre-school and Kindergarten and I have nothing but fond memories of it, so we're definitely leaning that direction, but we're definitely concerned about infant-care between the end of maternity leave and the beginning of paternity leave (we'll be a few months staggered based on our jobs). The idea of getting on a wait list before they're even born seems crazy but I know it's just the reality of the circumstances.
On the subject of second-hand items, I was a heavy user of my neighborhood's "Buy Nothing" group on Facebook (as well as its less uptight offshoot group "Take my kid's shit"). Kiddos grow out of their stuff so fast it really feels like a waste to buy new. And you have occasion to socialize so infrequently with them it also seems pointless to worry about their clothes looking raggedy or being stained. In hindsight, I kind of wish we had just spent big on specific items for the very special ceremonial occasions and the rest of the time kept him in plain white, cotton items that are easy to bleach clean.
We were very careful about avoiding stuff that makes a lot of noise (for our own sanity). So we pretty explicitly asked that people not send us any toys that require batteries to operate. We're also sort of just doing the Montessori thing where we try to encourage him to have toys with no "prescribed" way to play with them. Instead of buying specific toys for him we just did a subscription box with LovEvery where they send a series of Montessori approved toys every few months that are developmentally appropriate. They're all very well made and, we expect, that once we either have a second or decide one is enough we'll be able to pass these down to others.
Baby-proofing I think has too much weight put on it honestly. Instead of thinking of it as a "I gotta do this or the kid will DIE" I would say think of it more as a trade-off in terms of how attached do you want your parenting to be. My kitchen isn't yet babyproofed, which means I basically have to follow the baby around within arms reach any time he's in or near there. It's annoying and I don't like doing it. So I will need to lock these cabinets up eventually, but it's not the end of the world. On the other hand, it is good to get as much of the DIY house projects out of the way now. Once the kid arrives you will be too tired to do them, and even when you do them the kid will probably be sleeping and then you won't want to make noise.
We also found a baby carrier to be a life-saver. Strollers are bulky and we live in a walk-up anyway which makes it even more of a hassle to get the damn thing up and down. Being able to just boba-wrap the kid around your chest and go to the corner to get some coffee is huge. You can even just do housework while he's attached to you. Supposedly this makes them more likely to want to grow up to help out around the house in the future. I don't know how far I believe that, but it is handy to just be able to keep them close while doing dishes. With my kid basically as soon as he was able to move under his own power he refused to sit still for anything ever, so the utility of the wraps diminished fast. But I see with other people their kids seems to love nothing more than being attached at the hip at all times.
New:
Used:
*Clothes! They grow fast and if you can get hand me downs or second hand clothes you'll save yourself so much.
*Toys
*Books (board books first)
*Utensils
*Sleep sacks. Basically a wearable blanket for after they outgrow swaddles
*Furniture. Cribs so long as they're sturdy, similar if you need a bassinet. Changing table/wardrobe.
We're on our third and had so much available but have also filled in the gaps largely through family, friends, and also our local buy nothing group on Facebook.
I found Baby-led weaning to be a lesser known idea (at least here in the US) and learned it's a healthy and inexpensive way to feed baby. It's more sustainable too. You don't need expensive pureed baby foods, or need to take time to make them at home. Basically, once baby is ready for solids, you give age-appropriate foods that you are already cooking in the home. Think avocado, scrambled eggs, banana, yogurt etc. for first foods, then gradually include more variety as baby grows. This gives baby lots of textures, they learn lots of new vitamin rich tastes, and helps them with coordination because baby learns to feed themselves. Check it out, highly recommend!
As far as registries go, you need half as much as society tells you, maybe less. Hand me downs are amazing for messy, fast-growing kiddos. Babies love simple toys, there's lots of info in RIE parenting groups (a respectful infant care perspective) about simple play areas for babies and toddlers that you can set up, these worked great for my kids.
Best of luck and sleep now, sleep you fool! For you will never truly know a sleep like that again once baby comes.
A great website for baby led weaning is https://solidstarts.com/
They have an app that has all the information on feeding your kid age appropriate food and how to prepare it. It's also all reviewed by pediatricians.
Hi! I don't have children of my own, but I did co-parent a little boy for a few years, and helped raise my sister.
Seconding the folks who suggest getting hand-me-downs for most things. Other than consumables (wipes, diapers) and stuff that tends to break down (pacifiers, rubber bottle nipples), anyway.
If you have one pie-in-the-sky item that you would love to have for convenience sake, put it on your list and prioritize it! Perhaps you want the Rolls Royce of strollers or a nice convertible crib or something. It's ok.
But for stuff like clothes, cribs, bibs, bedding, toys - a lot of that you can get via freecycle. Even mattresses should be safe since a lot of the ones for kids are impermeable, or at least they were when I last had to obtain one. I'm not on Facebook currently, but most areas have a Buy Nothing group there that's wonderful for getting free hand-me-downs from folks you aren't related to. Craigslist and the like, too. It's garage sale season, so that could be a good alternative if you're okay spending a little money. I would not recommend Goodwill since they overprice everything now.
Big hugs, and enjoy your journey :)
Comfort
Cribs, fabrics, climate control, noise, environmental protection, etc.
Don't use a crib bumper. Sleep sacks are overrated but you'll be given at least two. Don't worry about not making noise, you want a baby that's used to sleeping through it. If you have a Nest or Ecobee thermostat get a remote sensor for their room.
I think people value sleep sacks based on how their kids respond to them, and kids aren't all the same. We found sleep sacks to be amazing because our kids slept in them really well.
Oh definitely, I didn't mean to suggest they were rubbish.
But the perception seemed to be that they were essential, and we didn't find that to be true at all. I'm sure they're terrific for some.
I wasn't meaning you were suggesting they were rubbish and am generally in agreement with your point. I think they're one of those things that people say, "Oh, you have to have a sleep sack!" but... you don't. You might get one and have a kid who hates them, or you might get one and absolutely love it. Kids are all different and what works for one might not work for another.
Pretty much. I think they're the rage because parents want to give their baby blankets and get pivoted to sleep sacks instead.
We found them irrelevant for one kid and a detriment for the second. It would have been easier to start without anything and just see how it goes. It's not like newborns are getting sacked up before they fall asleep throughout the day anyway.
Yes! My wife and I just completed a childbirth preparation course through our hospital and they said multiple times that there should be nothing in their crib besides a mattress (and fitted sheet).
Same thing with car seats, do not add stuff to them.
We loved the swaddles and buy them for expecting parents. Some brands are swaddleme and woombie.
Fun
Toys, music, bonding, games, adventures, etc.
Books books books! Read multiple books every day to your kids. We still read to our 5 year old and he loves books.
Just to add to that, books, books, books, books!
Fostering a love of books has so many benefits; cognitive development, improved language skills, academic success, bonding with your child, concentration / attention span, imagination and creativity, and more. We still read to our 8 year old, and it's a wonderful way to end the day together. Sometimes we just read side-by-side, with him reading his current book and me reading mine.
Fisher Price Kick and Play Piano Gym is a home run with every kid.
We loved our ErgoBaby carrier and Solly Baby wrap for strapping our young kids on. Solly more for newborn stage, Ergo worked until 18 months but came with an infant insert. I'm sure there are many other brands, but you just need something to make your baby portable and give your arms a rest. Nice for taking them on walks or just doing chores around the house.
Buy new: safety critical things like car seats, medical thermometers, mattresses, bottles for feeding, etc.
Things that are nice to buy new: bedding, sleeping bags, cots, books, some toys.
Things that you can buy second hand: just about anything that can be washed or sterilised if needed.
You may be interested in "heuristic play" -- once the child can crawl, and probably sit up, you have a nice soft blanket on the floor, and you take everyday items from around your home and allow baby to explore these things. Obviously you have to closely monitor the child and objects for safety. But otherwise you take a hands off approach to let the child discover through doing. I like it because you don't have to buy anything, you're just using stuff you already have. Here's an explanation
You may be overwhelmed with gifts for a new tiny baby, so you may not need to buy anything. (Indeed, you may be given so much that you don't use everything.)
You might want to get a room thermometer.
Some toys make more sense if you have a few of them - things like Schleich animal toys one example of a starter set, but they can be a bit spendy if you get them all at once. You might want to buy one item per month to build up a massive collection ready for when the child is old enough to use them.
I really hope you enjoy being a parent!!
A Wooden Growth Chart
We had someone make a custom one for us, it is just a bit of wood and neat writing, or you can add it to the registry.
Every year I mark my kids height and his age. All my other gifts are long since forgotten.
I second this! I really like mine and it’s a keepsake you can take with you ♥️ I think my husband got ours on Etsy
Newish dad here (15 months). Everything is personal taste but...
Avoid clothing with buttons. Get diapershirts with snaps. Buttons suck when it comes to change time especially early on when you may be changing 8-10 diapers a day. Make it easier on yourself and stick with snaps or just things that fit well if you want to do dresses etc.
Also, just personal opinion and may depend on your situation -- and me and my wife differ on this -- I dislike baby monitors. Our house is small enough that we can hear our daughter if she's whining/moving around in her crib without a monitor. I was responsible for our daughter's sleep at nighttime 95% of the time during her first year, and I found that the monitor (we have one with audio + video) was just stressing me out, because I could check in on her and if she'd shifted at all I'd be worried when in reality it was completely fine. It was easier and healthier for me to just ignore the monitor completely and listen for her.
You will learn what things your baby likes and doesn't like over time and you can spend more money on the stuff you know you're using a lot. For example I'm glad we didn't run out and buy super nice pacifiers/teethers because our daughter really doesn't care about them much, but for other babies they're a lifesaver.
There are also some things that are just for you. A mobile for example is ultimately just kind of pointless. We bought a nice one, it looked very nice in baby's room, but she really didn't even register its existence to be honest, and by the time she was big enough to do so, it was no longer safe to have it over the crib since she could start standing up and pulling at it.
Quick aside on storller. If you mostly drive, out emphasis on one you can lift the entire sleeping baby car seat out of and snap into car. Single handed.
If you mostly walk, choose a lightweight stroller that collapses and fold out using one hand, as easily as you possibly can, preferably without leaning down or having to crouch.
Think about the likely lifestyle scenarios, now picture doing those things with maximum 1 free hand or indeed no hands.
Baby slings I recommend buying used because you never know what truly works for the partnership until your unique baby is here. It'll be like buying a wedding dress without the bride trying it on : a big waste of money. If you can amass 3 or 4 cheaper options and just have them in the house so you can cycle through them at 3am trying to regain sanity, it'll be far better than the best things on the market that's loved by 1000 babies but hated by yours. And ditto emphasis on being able to put it on and off with one hand.
Note on slings - where I live sling libraries are common. You can rock up and try a bunch, then borrow one for a while to see if it works for you. We went through so many before eventually finding one we liked. Bought our own, then donated it to the library once we were done with it.
What a fantastic idea! I wish there were such things in every town library
Hopefully someone will read your comment and use one or start one
I didn't see anyone mention it, but "Sophie the giraffe". Man, that thing is magical! Our first born was so hooked on it that we didn't even think twice about getting Sophies to the other two that came after that.
From what I heard from my sister, the list should just be diapers & wipes, because there's a TON of changing ( what is it, like 12 times a day? :| ) and it isn't cheap.
Then ask around to see if you can get hand-me-downs. She had a friend who's kid is just a bit older then hers and ended up with bags of clothes for multiple ages and a few useful items, which then went back to the friend who had another baby a few years later.
Just spent the last year helping my younger brother and his gf with their first baby. Take a deep breath. You're gonna be fine. Some tips:
your sleep is gonna get messed up, so prepare to toggle shifts with your SO.
babies cry because they're hungry/thirsty, their diaper is dirty, or they're sleepy.
when babies wake up, check their diaper. They're also dehydrated so have milk or formula ready.
keep tabs on food/formula/toy recalls and stocks. We were caught in a little panic this year with the formula shortage, so it wouldn't hurt to stock up. As the baby grows, so does their appetite. My niece can put down 8 ounces easy and she's a year old.
get lots of diapers. My niece was pushing through 6-8 diapers a day at a certain point.
wash your baby at least once a day. Their necks can smell cheesey after dribbling formula all day.
low volume, warm lit, temperature-appropriate abodes suit everyone's sleep and mood. A happy baby makes for a happy home and vice versa.
try to stick to all cotton clothes and onesies for your little one if possible. That helped my niece get longer hours of sleep as opposed to waking up dehydrated and hot from polyester clothing. It's also easy to wash.
Safety
monitors, baby-proofing, physical/chemical vulnerabilities, etc.
This is the baby monitor we use. Works great, can add multiple cameras to it, and it doesn't use WiFi, so more secure. Highly recommed.
I love it, I was looking for something exactly like this. I had some thought of setting up my own IP webcam, but the thought of it being an insecure entry-point as well as some difficulty in portability (plus maybe wanting to spend my nesting energy on other projects) changed my mind.
We have the same monitor and love it. The only issue we have had with it is that it seems sensitive to interference from other electronics.
Baby proofing you have months to plan out. In the beginning put all your emphasis on comfort for 1 mom and 2 baby then 3 father.
Quit smoking if applicable. Anecdotally vaping or e-sig or any of those new things also cause breathing sensitivity.
Unscented everything if possible
Never leave baby unattended with even the most trusted pet
Find out if your local fire station do baby car seat installation or inspection for you.
Don't buy used car seats
Didn't see this mentioned either here or in any of the things I read online - when you're packing your "go" bag (assuming you're having a hospital birth), pack a button-up shirt for the father. Everything else is for mum and that's fine, she's doing all the work, but one or two button up shirts (casual is fine, don't bring a tie) is really useful.
Any midwife worth the name will want the newborn to get plenty of skin-on-skin time with both parents asap and it's so much more comfortable if you can just unbutton a shirt and get it done rather than sitting around topless in hospital chairs. Also do it as much as you can because not only is it good for baby, it's the best thing in the world.
Babies are easy. Well, they're not. But they're only hard like digging a hole, not hard like quantum mechanics. They're tiring (to a degree you'll can not imagine now) but it's really not that hard otherwise. You will sit in your car and cry at several apparently random points. That's just the oxytocin backwash, enjoy it.
The most important thing to know is all kids are different; whatever works, works; advice is great and everyone has some but don't sweat it if tips don't work for you. Your kid will do things their way. Everything you're told - even in books - is anecdotal. Nobody is doing controlled studies on parenting techniques. Ethics boards spoil all the fun.
The button up shirt idea is great! I definitely value the importance of skin to skin, and totally would have overlooked this because I'm generally a tshirt or political guy.
I really liked your digging vs quantum physics analogy too. That is very helpful for preparing my mindset because I honestly am usually the overthinker when it comes to trying to do things smart instead of hard, but I'm definitely realizing this is just going to be "do it all, then do it all again, then again, and again."
Or you can use my approach and forget to pack any shirts at all for yourself.