My thanksgiving to Tildes
Dear Tildes
I am thankful for this website and the people on it. I am here very often– more than I ought to be. Of late, it has been my sole recourse as I am usually alone and always drift toward idleness.
You are an honest and conscientious group of people. I am thankful to have here a community which is so thoughtful and full of so many interesting folks. I am always intrigued by people and their stories. Though I don’t usually comment on these topics, I am especially surprised by how willing many of you are to share very personal feelings and memories.
I am thankful for those who put up with me. On this website I suppose that means everyone who reads ~transport. I am thankful especially to those who share their perspectives and take the time to examine the particulars of ideas I present.
I am thankful for what is and not just what could be, even though I am characteristically focused on the latter.
I am thankful for those who love me. Yesterday, I made a somewhat foolish decision that brought me great pain (physically—literally, and otherwise). I suppose I would say I allowed my pride to supersede the reality of my body. I evaded further consequence only on the kindness of another. I was very fortunate to have such a resource in a time of need.
Occasionally (like everyone) I have some kind of mortal scare, or some kind of interpersonal realization, or some other serious emotional conflict which leads to a pivot in my life, or some better and more complete understanding of life and the world. So I am thankful that I am still here, and that I am yet able to see the world with my own two eyes.
I am not at my most mobile right now, nor my most comfortable, for reasons that are mostly my fault. So I may remain rather active here for the foreseeable future. Or I may not as it would possibly prove better for me to look at fewer screens altogether. In any case, I am thankful for all the interesting discussions I have had on this website, and any future ones I may theoretically have.
Spoken or sung (anon.?):
Blessings be upon this house
Mine family and friends
For thankfulness gathered here
God hath shown His mercyBlessings be upon this meal
Earthly sustenance true
Till and harvest not forgot
O Lord– we are gratefulBlessings be upon us all
O brother lost to me
For your soul I wish rest
Thank you heavenly FatherBlessings be forevermore
Upon these lands and men
Body and spirit safekeep
For I love all the world
Sincerely
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Sorry to hear you're going through some stuff, though it seems like you're able to take it on the chin and count your blessings. Wishing you a speedy recovery and happy holidays! 🎁
I’m happy you’re here!
I’ve learned a lot from reading your comments on urban planning and environmentalism. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge with us! Best wishes with your recovery.
Thank you for being here - I particularly relish your thoughtfulness and perspective.
These days, I'm not available to comment on Tildes as often as I'd like to. Before I see anything I might feel obligated to respond on, I usually find you've voiced many of my thoughts better than I could. So I appreciate your efforts and passion a great deal.
I sincerely hope that your recovery goes well and quickly, and that you take a step back from blaming yourself when your body doesn't behave as you expect.
I say this as one of the older and creakier denizens here. The expectations we have of ourselves are set early in life when we can thoughtlessly draw on undamaged capacity and resilience. It can come as a shock when you realize you've reached a point where constant maintenance and attention to limits must now be the norm, with no guarantee of a return to what you assumed was your baseline of health. Hopefully, your "pivot in life" will still allow you to enjoy it with verve and passion, as I can attest.
Was catching up on Kingslingers, where they're covering King's book Insomnia, one of the major themes of which is aging and death.
One quote from their analysis, taking about how neither of them really want to address their pending mortality:
Your back never stops hurting, your one old knee injury flares up randomly every few months. You can't handle liqour or sugar like you used to. It's a shitty process, and coming to terms with it is one of the biggest signs of maturity.
I'm a very picky comedy watcher, but a big fan of Mike Birbiglia. His latest show, "The Old Man and the Pool", is a surprisingly thoughtful meditation on vulnerability, mortality, family, and things worth living for in spite of the labor, embarrassment, and pain of existence. My dad's phrase was "Getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative", which is a decent summary.
We watched the Birbiglia show after a decent carry-out Thanksgiving dinner (we've both been working too hard to have a blowout cooking binge), reveling in our general satisfaction with the life we have, despite the fact that I used up my one glass of wine for the next couple of weeks.
I left twitter and reddit and it was kind of hard, I had a very old account with pretty big Karma numbers (not that I ever cared for the internet points but I was actively contributing).
I am thankful for Tildes, as a place to go to check discourse, that is more kind and thoughtful than Reddit or Twitter.
Thanks to you all!
Thank you for sharing, and I hope the pain passes.
Recently I've had many pivotal moments too. Some were quite scary. I imagine they're small (or medium-sized) for most folks, but for me they were things I kept avoiding, or just never encountered because I kept my world so small.
I spent a lot of my life focused on what could be rather than what is. In large part because it was hard to understand what kept happening with me (in my head and body) and around me. It was easier to avoid real-life and focus on the abstract. Mathematics, computers, games, etc. At one point I isolated for ~8 years, my primary (and limited) connection with people was online. That made me feel better initially, but the avoidance ultimately made a lot of problems worse.
Maybe this is sharing too much. But I've kept quiet about too many things for too long. Feeling unable to open up to people, unable to even express what I'm feeling and experiencing in words.
I'm in a better place now, but there's still a lot I haven't figured out and dealt with. Often, despite the steps forward, it still feels like I'm nowhere, in limbo. I've been opening up to more and more people lately, but some were the wrong kinds of people. I like writing my thoughts here on tildes and reading others'. Folks listen to each other here (something I have a hard time with, I tend to focus on myself), and folks have been responding and reaching out.
Thank you tildes for helping me to talk. It's often a struggle to figure out how to express what you'd like to express within the confines of words. (It's a struggle to even figure out what you'd like to express in the first place.) Thank you everyone for trying so much.