What’s the best thing you’ve done for someone else recently?

He who toots not his own horn, the same shall not be tooteth. (A saying in my family). So here's another one:

A friend of mine was diagnosed with a huge aortic aneurysm - basically it could have burst at any time. He has a complicated relationship with health care, so initially he was not going to have the operation. Then he changed his mind and decided he did want to have it, but he didn't know how he would, because he wouldn't be able to pick his three year old up for six weeks, and his wife did not have enough time off to be home the whole time.

So basically, he was going to potentially die -- not because they didn't know what was wrong, not because they didn't know how to fix it, not even because of his own worry, but because we have so little social safety net that he couldn't take 6 weeks to recover from a life saving surgery.

It made me so mad. And mad as I was, and much as I care about him and his family, I knew I couldn't donald the work they would need on my own. But what I could do was plan and manage a project, and make that project his recovery.

So I sat down with them and planned out everything they would need for 6 weeks - child care, meals, laundry, mowing the lawn, whatever. I made a schedule and was the point person for coordinating it. So when someone would offer to help, my friends would forward that person's info to me. I would send them the schedule, ask how them wanted to help, and get them signed up. I would send out a reminder email every weekend for the following week, and coordinate last minute hiccups.

The amazing thing was the way that the community responded. Most people only volunteered one or two times, but together, they filled every slot for the whole 6 weeks. We had it settled two weeks before the surgery.

Two years later they are all happy and healthy.

I learned a few things:

• People want to help, but sometimes it's hard to know how, and that creates a barrier. But we were able to break it down.
• It's a lot easier for me, as a third party, to coordinate volunteers than it would be for my friends to do it themselves. For them, every interaction would feel like an imposition. For me, the volunteers and I all want the same thing - to help them as much as possible. So I didn't feel shy about asking for help, making suggestions, negotiating schedules, etc.

I helped an incoming freshman who is living in a motel with her dad and sister, (who thus doesn't technically qualify as homeless to FAFSA despite the kids being who is supporting the parent,) navigate her next steps to getting financial aid, housing, etc. all squared away. Mostly by relieving her stress over the whole process and making sure she knows she has an adult here who will help her. The friend of a parent on the phone thanked me and complimented her as an amazing student and me as a wonderfully caring person.

I picked up a rollie-pollie (or pillbug) that was wandering my workplace's floor using a small piece of paper, and gently placed it outside.

I have a good friend whose father passed a couple weeks back. It's been difficult to know what the right level of "thing to do" is. I think a lot of people these days expect those around them to sort of back off. Leave them alone.

I'm not Jewish, but I think there's something useful or even powerful about the idea of sitting shiva. A mourning period where one sets aside time for mourning and mourning alone.

But, as a friend, I also think it is also good to provide some degree of normalcy. I think that's also a powerful thing to provide somebody, if that's something they want. My partner and I have invited this friend out for a hike this weekend. She's an outdoorsy type who would generally be up for that sort of thing. We made it clear that we're going out regardless and would like to see her if she's feeling up to it, but no pressure.

I guess I'm fudging it a bit. This is more about trying to figure out what is the best thing to do for somebody.