Alphalpha_Particle's recent activity
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Comment on Does anyone have experience exchanging actual letters with a pen pal? in ~talk
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How do you resolve feelings of obligation?
Hello tilderers, I have a dilemma I'm having that I'd like perspective on. I often find myself doing things not because I want to, but because I have to. I feel obligated to. It is better if I do...
Hello tilderers, I have a dilemma I'm having that I'd like perspective on.
I often find myself doing things not because I want to, but because I have to. I feel obligated to. It is better if I do X than if I don't do X, so I should do X, even if I don't want to.
Though overall I don't consider "feeling obligated" a positive nor sustainable emotion to have.
These are often tied to social etiquette and maintaining a status quo at the sacrifice? of your own comfort.
Examples:
You're an introverted so tend to not desire social activity as much, but understand socializing is good for maintaining relationships so you accept invites regardless of whether you have true desire to be out for the person/occasion/event.
You should get a gift for Y because it's their birthday/Christmas because it's an expected, nice gesture but you don't really have a gift in mind or tendency of gift giving.
Z does something nice for you, pays for your dinner/got a gift/done a favor, but was not something you wanted Z to do or asked them to do. Yet now you feel indebted to give back.
General occasions where social and emotional reciprocation is expected and you're not entuned to reciprocate necessarily. And the general consequence of not reciprocating is weakening relationships/negativity from others etc.
Where is the line between doing whatever you feel/comfortable with (selfishness/self centered?) and doing things because you are socially obligated to (caring about what other people think/feel about you).
What is the resolution to negative feelings of obligation?
How can obligation turn to desire?
How does one perspective shift in this way?
You do this not because you have to, because you want to do this.24 votes -
Comment on Victories and challenges: An A[u]DHD community and support fortnightly thread #1 in ~health.mental
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentCongrats? Is that the right thing to say lol How was that process for you like to be diagnosed for autism later as an adult?Congrats? Is that the right thing to say lol
How was that process for you like to be diagnosed for autism later as an adult? -
Comment on How do you comfort people? in ~life
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentI'm similar in that way, I often prefer isolation as a form of comfort. It's isolation at first (during initial periods of dis/stress) but I also find it comforting once I've identified my...I'm similar in that way, I often prefer isolation as a form of comfort. It's isolation at first (during initial periods of dis/stress) but I also find it comforting once I've identified my feelings and achieved self control that am I able to share/vent with a close friend. Explaining something difficult that's been going on and someone willing to support me and showing genuine concern and care is valuable.
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Comment on How do you comfort people? in ~life
Alphalpha_Particle LinkI think the bare minimum of comforting someone is by being present and actively listening. Body language that is open and accepting, like nodding and paying attention is part of this. Additionally...I think the bare minimum of comforting someone is by being present and actively listening. Body language that is open and accepting, like nodding and paying attention is part of this.
Additionally asking questions to explore how they are feeling or what the situation is allow them to vent as well. Validating their feelings, saying it's normal/okay to feel sad/angry/frustrated/anxious about xyz. And avoiding criticizing or dismissing their emotions/reactions.
While some people might not want immediate solutions, it is worth asking (depending on context) if there's anything you can do to support/help them with the situation. But of course only if you feel comfortable doing so.
This is what I personally find comforting, but I'll turn the question to you as well, what behaviors from a person do you find comforting? And you try to do the same thing :) -
Comment on Georgia woman shares how she survived three weeks lost in the California Sierra Nevada mountains in ~life
Alphalpha_Particle LinkI'm always curious about survival stories, amazing that she survived. Just a question on the leeks, if there were snowstorm/blizzards where she was.. how are leeks able to grow? Or how would she...I'm always curious about survival stories, amazing that she survived.
Just a question on the leeks, if there were snowstorm/blizzards where she was.. how are leeks able to grow? Or how would she scavange in the snow? -
Comment on Can you repair coil zipper without replacing the entire zipper? in ~creative
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentHmm that's a little bit more difficult than I had thought. I've never repaired just the teeth like that, but I can see how you might try. I'd say go for it and attempt to hand stich each tooth...Hmm that's a little bit more difficult than I had thought. I've never repaired just the teeth like that, but I can see how you might try. I'd say go for it and attempt to hand stich each tooth back in place and experiment. The thing with sewing is that you have an undo tool ( which I the seam ripper) in the case your stitching gets in the way.
Alternatively applying tiny dots of super glue for each tooth (apply with a needle) might work but this is the riskier option as you might accidentally glue the teeth together.Truthfully in this case replacing the whole zipper might make more sense and be a longer term solution.
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Comment on Can you repair coil zipper without replacing the entire zipper? in ~creative
Alphalpha_Particle LinkHi can you send some pictures of the zipper situation? Close ups of the top stitching, the underside, and the ends of the zipper as well if possible. Then can maybe help you better, but sounds...Hi can you send some pictures of the zipper situation? Close ups of the top stitching, the underside, and the ends of the zipper as well if possible.
Then can maybe help you better, but sounds like your zipper reinforcement or replacement is doable by hand (that is if you have some sewing skills) -
Comment on Please stop externalizing your costs directly into my face in ~tech
Alphalpha_Particle LinkHi I don't work in tech but this seems important/significant and I'd like to understand what's going on... Can someone please ELI5?Hi I don't work in tech but this seems important/significant and I'd like to understand what's going on... Can someone please ELI5?
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Comment on What's the oldest tech you use, and why do you still use it? in ~tech
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentI hate the sounds of a microwave and try to open the door before time counts down to zero. But there are times I would forget that I had food in there, so unfortunately need that annoying soundI hate the sounds of a microwave and try to open the door before time counts down to zero. But there are times I would forget that I had food in there, so unfortunately need that annoying sound
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Comment on For decades, the Swiss city of Basel has been transforming its skyline, and now boasts some of the greenest rooftops in Europe in ~enviro
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentOh my, green roofs galore, I love it. Hope to see it spread to US cities like mine...Oh my, green roofs galore, I love it. Hope to see it spread to US cities like mine...
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Comment on Holotypic Occlupanids - How the internet invented bread clip science in ~science
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentA dream of mine is to one day discover and photograph a new occlupanid speciesA dream of mine is to one day discover and photograph a new occlupanid species
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Comment on Open to collaborate and draw something for you in ~creative
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentOoh I'm interested! Happy to be a beta testerOoh I'm interested! Happy to be a beta tester
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Comment on Open to collaborate and draw something for you in ~creative
Alphalpha_Particle LinkOoh as a fellow artist (who needs to draw more! ) would love to participate with you in a regular topic/thread for drawing practice!Ooh as a fellow artist (who needs to draw more! ) would love to participate with you in a regular topic/thread for drawing practice!
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Comment on a/s/l? Tildes user survey question. in ~tildes
Alphalpha_Particle LinkHiya! 27/F NY, USA I'm a registered nurse by trade, otherwise an arts/crafts noodler of all kinds.Hiya!
27/F NY, USA
I'm a registered nurse by trade, otherwise an arts/crafts noodler of all kinds. -
Comment on What possession(s) do you have that continue to delight you every time? in ~talk
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentOoh yes that would look great as a blanket as well Shapes also seem more difficult than my p3 tiles-- good luck! If you end up starting it would love to get an update lol!Ooh yes that would look great as a blanket as well
Shapes also seem more difficult than my p3 tiles-- good luck! If you end up starting it would love to get an update lol! -
Comment on What possession(s) do you have that continue to delight you every time? in ~talk
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentHey! Sorry about the late reply, bit of additional hump to go through image hosting, but here's an old pic of the blanket! Imgur link Haven't seen Einstein tiles before.. Seems more complicated...Hey! Sorry about the late reply, bit of additional hump to go through image hosting, but here's an old pic of the blanket! Imgur link
Haven't seen Einstein tiles before.. Seems more complicated for a crochet shape but may consider it for a future project. Would be a fun challenge!
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Comment on Snacks that aren't just sugar or crazy salty in ~food
Alphalpha_Particle LinkI like snacking on dry cereal sometimes.. Not sure if that's a controversial take haha but you have many options, while many are sweet, you can consider more base/plain cereals like rice/corn chex...I like snacking on dry cereal sometimes..
Not sure if that's a controversial take haha but you have many options, while many are sweet, you can consider more base/plain cereals like rice/corn chex or corn flakes or cheerios.
Often times they're enriched with various vitamins so it's not a terrible choice! -
Comment on What are your favourite things to mix with natural yogurt? in ~food
Alphalpha_Particle Link ParentWow never thought to go savory, I like this idea. Add Pine nuts, Parsley or Chives idk!Wow never thought to go savory, I like this idea.
Add Pine nuts, Parsley or Chives idk! -
Comment on What possession(s) do you have that continue to delight you every time? in ~talk
Alphalpha_Particle LinkI am always fond of the Penrose-tiled blanket that I designed and crocheted myself. Took about a year from concept to execution and was well worth it! I also made it during covid times so it was a...I am always fond of the Penrose-tiled blanket that I designed and crocheted myself. Took about a year from concept to execution and was well worth it! I also made it during covid times so it was a real comfort project for me too.
Years ago back on reddit, I wanted to have an excuse/motivation to make more art, so I thought it would be fun to have an art pen pal. I managed to find someone who was interested (I think on r/penpals) and we would write prompts for each other and then make original artwork in response to send via snail mail. It was fun at first but didn't last long, maybe 3 exchanges before it peetered out :/
I'd definitely be interested in doing this again, but I think it's hard to keep people interested and engaged between strangers, especially if there are so many competing priorities (for attention) in their immediate life.