15 votes

How do you think of love relationships?

As in, are they eternal or ephemeral? open or closed? Do you have control over how you feel for someone? Does everyone deserve a chance?

Go wild.

14 comments

  1. [2]
    Comment deleted by author
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    1. lionirdeadman
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      I did find it curious that most seemed pretty open about their relationships but in a sense, considering most are also atheist if I remember the last demographics survey, it kinda makes sense in a...

      Ahh shit y’all gonna go and make me the traditionalist?

      I did find it curious that most seemed pretty open about their relationships but in a sense, considering most are also atheist if I remember the last demographics survey, it kinda makes sense in a way.

      I can definitely see the appeal of "a rock" as you put it. Thanks for sharing!

      3 votes
  2. [3]
    CALICO
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    I'm polyamorous. I think love is not a finite resource, only time and attention. I love all my partners, former and current. I love all my friends. I love the stranger. There are a thousand and...

    I'm polyamorous. I think love is not a finite resource, only time and attention. I love all my partners, former and current. I love all my friends. I love the stranger. There are a thousand and one kinds of love, and life is too short to spend it with bitterness in your heart.

    I know that there are definitely loving relationships that last until the end, and that there are plenty of people who outlive their relationships. Both are perfectly okay. If you're a part of a lifelong relationship, you're very lucky. If you were a part of a relationship, you're very lucky also. You know the joy that a relationship brings, and I doubt you'll soon forget it.
    All of my past relationships came to their end, but I treasure them all greatly. My former partners are all very dear to me; some of them are now among my best of friends. Time will tell if my current long-term partner will make it to the end, but it's okay if we don't. Most relationships don't, but that doesn't make them any less great of an experience. If I die without a partner by my bedside, that will be okay too. I'll go from this world filled with all of the memories I've made with so many wonderful people.

    But, I hope that's not for some time. I'd very much like to see what else people have to offer, and what else I have to give.

    10 votes
    1. [3]
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      1. [2]
        CALICO
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        Maybe, we'll see. I do this weird thing where I'd rather grieve for the people I care about than have them grieve for me. I'm not sure that's a healthy perspective, but I don't know that it's...

        Maybe, we'll see.
        I do this weird thing where I'd rather grieve for the people I care about than have them grieve for me. I'm not sure that's a healthy perspective, but I don't know that it's unhealthy either.

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          Comment deleted by author
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          1. CALICO
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            I'm not a parent, but I imagine it's rather similar.

            I'm not a parent, but I imagine it's rather similar.

  3. [4]
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    1. [2]
      lionirdeadman
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      Although I have to agree, I mean, I do have to wonder how that can happen, is the "spark" just not there? I'm unsure how it could break after so long and have no hard feelings, do you have any...

      If you have a happy time together for ten years or five years or even one year, and then go your separate ways with no hard feelings, that's a successful relationship.

      Although I have to agree, I mean, I do have to wonder how that can happen, is the "spark" just not there? I'm unsure how it could break after so long and have no hard feelings, do you have any examples?

      No one "deserves" love. It's not some universal human right.

      I mean, technically no but.. it's definitely a human need (for most) to be loved and loved back from what I know, right?

      2 votes
      1. [2]
        Comment deleted by author
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        1. lionirdeadman
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          Yeah, that's what I meant, I probably worded that badly. Usually I think that happens a lot faster than that but I guess that makes sense. Thanks for sharing.

          Yes the "spark" is there. But not all sparks light fires that burn forever. Some sparks light fires that burn out by themselves after a while.

          Yeah, that's what I meant, I probably worded that badly.

          couples who "just grew apart".

          Usually I think that happens a lot faster than that but I guess that makes sense.

          Thanks for sharing.

          1 vote
    2. Papaya
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      Recently, I read a book by the psychiatrist Scott Peck. In that book, he says that love is not a feeling, it's an investment. In that sense, the common definition of love is actually the...

      Recently, I read a book by the psychiatrist Scott Peck. In that book, he says that love is not a feeling, it's an investment. In that sense, the common definition of love is actually the definition of lust. Peck argues that love starts when the feeling of "falling in love" stops (ie : when you don't feel the same about the other person as you did before).
      Love is "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth".
      His perspective kind of change my view regarding love. You can lust for a lot of people, but you can only love a few, because your time to do the act of loving is limited. In that sense, really loving someone isn't feeling "in love", but helping that person grow as you grow yourself. You can perfectly choose not to lead that kind of life. After all, with this definition of love, you don't gain anything from loving someone as opposed to only being sexually attracted to them.
      Personally, it gives me hope for my future relationships because I know I always end up falling out of "love"; it's a natural phenomenon. What I want to do is find someone I want to continue investing in after I don't feel like it.

      2 votes
  4. [2]
    Comment deleted by author
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    1. lionirdeadman
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      I mean, sure you would forgive them but you would've wanted to consent to it first, right? I feel like in such a situation the fact that they wouldn't have told me first would make me mad because...

      To be honest, if my wife came home one day and told me that she has had (or is having) an affair with someone, then I wouldn't be hurt or shocked.

      I mean, sure you would forgive them but you would've wanted to consent to it first, right? I feel like in such a situation the fact that they wouldn't have told me first would make me mad because it's not something we agreed to, it's kind of breaking trust in a way if you get what I mean?

      5 votes
  5. Heichou
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    I'm about as unapologetic a traditionalist you'd find, insofar as monogamous relationships go. I struggle with a fair bit of insecurity and low self esteem, and I l can only manage that with one...

    I'm about as unapologetic a traditionalist you'd find, insofar as monogamous relationships go. I struggle with a fair bit of insecurity and low self esteem, and I l can only manage that with one person at a time. I don't mind my current SO hanging out with people of the opposite sex, as I trust her, but to see the person I'm devoting 50% of my time to suddenly spend time with another, the same way, would probably break my heart. I, personally, need someone I can anchor to and someone who will anchor to me. I like growing with someone intimately, but I could never be intimate with more than one person at a time. I have a hard enough time opening up intimately and emotionally to someone that the thought of climbing that mountain again is exhausting. I've never really been comfortable with the idea of open relationships. It's an emotion I can't really describe, but it's an intense, almost painful aversion. I have a lil bit of big trust issues and I need someone to be my rock or I'll spiral into doubt, fear, and depression. So an open relationship would slowly kill me.

    As for eternal/ephemeral, I believe two people can fall out of love. Some people get hitched right in the honeymoon phase and then slowly deteriorate over time. Some people are pressured religiously to get hitched right at 18 so they can "rightfully have sex in the eyes of god", then they figure out neither of them are mature enough for marriage or even a relationship. It takes a while to just find yourself, let alone find somebody else who can rely on you. If you want love, it takes work, compromise and effort. There's no "taking it easy" when it comes to being someone else's support.

    I believe there's no controlling your feelings. You can reign them in, suppress them, or stifle them, but you're still feeling them. Every now and then, I'll meet a girl who I think is really cute and I'll start imagining "What if I was single and we could hang out and stuff?", but then I realize that my dumb monkey brain is jumping because "new=better", and I quickly realize that scrapping everything for a chance with someone I don't even know a fraction as well as my SO is a really dumb idea. I experience these feelings, but I know they're not good ideas and I store them elsewhere until I forget.

    The way you feel about love is directly tied to the way you experience emotions so I think it's critical that nobody is slighted or ridiculed for the way they love. I've always adopted the mantra of "If it doesn't affect me, I have no reason to be angry about it", and while it isn't foolproof, it works for matters of subjectivity

    5 votes
  6. viborg
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    I’ve heard some people (psychopaths and maybe sociopaths) are incapable of real love. Sometimes I wonder if that’s true of myself or not. I’ve felt “love” but was it real love? Anyway I’d argue...

    I’ve heard some people (psychopaths and maybe sociopaths) are incapable of real love. Sometimes I wonder if that’s true of myself or not. I’ve felt “love” but was it real love?

    Anyway I’d argue that romantic love is usually motivated by ego, and the nature of our adult relationships was most likely shaped by the nature of our relationships with our parents as children.

    Now that I’m older I don’t know if I’ll ever be in love again. I feel love, but in love? Not so much anymore.

    3 votes
  7. Fjolsvith
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    I separate love from affection. I believe that true love comes from honoring a vow. For me, it is a continual, conscious decision to perform acts of kindness, lifestyle improvements, and...

    I separate love from affection. I believe that true love comes from honoring a vow. For me, it is a continual, conscious decision to perform acts of kindness, lifestyle improvements, and forgiveness every day. I honor my gods by daily fulfilling my vows to my wife. This love is unconditional.

    My affection can change with my mood, however. Most of the time, I am tender and touchy-feely with my wife. When she's in her hellcat mode, I will draw back in and protect myself. However, I never hold her mood swings against her, and my love motivates me to forgive her quickly.

    2 votes
  8. Akir
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    I think my favorite thing about love is that it's not a feeling, but a concept. Love is amorphous, but is still universal. Love knows no boundaries and has no limitations; you can love even your...

    I think my favorite thing about love is that it's not a feeling, but a concept. Love is amorphous, but is still universal. Love knows no boundaries and has no limitations; you can love even your enemies, and even fighting and destruction can be a form of love. We have love for everyone; for children, for animals, for things, and of course for our romantic partners. And the love offered by one person is unique to that person. The love given to you by one person is not something that can be replaced by the love of another. Even then, love is something that can change form and meaning.

    2 votes
  9. mrbig
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    Love, as a language phenomenon, can be defined negatively: we call love every massive bundle of positive emotions towards another individual for which there’s no other appropriate word. Before we...

    Love, as a language phenomenon, can be defined negatively: we call love every massive bundle of positive emotions towards another individual for which there’s no other appropriate word. Before we agree on a better definition, either collectively or inside romantic relationships, our happiness will mostly depend on chance.

  10. mrbig
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    For a rigorous philosophical view, there’s always the wonderful Stanford Encyclopedia: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/love/

    For a rigorous philosophical view, there’s always the wonderful Stanford Encyclopedia: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/love/