Is anyone actually happy they were born?

To me, realizing that no matter what I do the end is going to be the same, was very liberating. There's no high stakes, not objective to conquer. Only what is worthy to you is worthy at all, you can live to your own standards. And with kindness towards oneself, that standards can get really your own (not determined by what others expect), and give meaning to your life. I started slowly being able to do so (still in process) when I realized, fully realized, that there are no winners nor losers, that you only really have what you got at this very instant.

It may sound like bullshit, and I would have thought that myself in the past. But go with the logical consequences that there's nothing in stake, not even happiness. Pursuing happiness is the sure way to never getting it.

You know, I mostly am happy I was born. There have been a lot of frustrating and painful points along the way, sure, but on the whole I enjoy learning what I didn't know the day before. I enjoy engaging with that person I didn't know quite as well. I (mostly) enjoy experiencing other people's creativity and work. And I exceptionally enjoy seeing other people try their best, and the result of that effort.

It takes some time to get where you want to be in life. You sound a little bit anxious about the future, which is perfectly natural. Things will come in due time. Even if you are not religious, have some faith in the fact that you might succeed and you will. Life is hard but at the end of the day you can always come home and eat a chocolate muffin or two.

Personally I'm glad I was born but it's a fairly new feeling. Just work as hard as you can towards making your own happiness.

You don't have to keep score, unless YOU want to. Anyone else's ideas about scoring don't matter. You might think that they do, especially if you are young, but they really don't. It can be hard at first to forge your own path, but it becomes much easier than you think. Most of those hardships you dread will fade away or be more manageable if you live how you want to live. This is the ultimate sandbox, play it how you want to. As you figured out, there is no highscore screen at the end.

But yes, as others have stated, you do sound like you have some depression which shouldn't be overlooked. Just getting some help with that can make a world of difference.

I don't think that happy is a good word to describe how one feels about being alive. Happiness is a transient emotion and becomes meaningless in permanence. I like being alive because there are experiences I enjoy. I have fulfillment in what I'm doing.

Yes, death looms, and there is no universal meaning or value framework. You are free to construct any meaning and value you want for your life. And it will end: take this as a motivation not to waste it. Try different things, but try fulfilling things. If you don't care if you live or die, take this as motivation to try the extreme. Maybe you'll realise life can be... Ok, or more.

The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. ~Satan, Paradise Lost by John Milton
When I pulled this quote up I didn't realize it has moral implications considering the source. Apart from that, my take on this quote in the past has been that the mind has a very strong influence on how we feel. It asserts that to some extent we have conscious control over this, through visualization and therapy.

Along these lines, I want to add that existential depression, as Albert Camus discussed it in The Myth of Sisyphus, is a logical outcome of Existentialism. He spends the bulk his essay trying to argue a way out of the impulse toward suicide that Existentialism seems to result in.

My experience over the past several years has resulted in my conviction that the human capacity for belief in a spiritual power has the effect of providing an escape from Existentialist logic and possibly from existential depression.

It's not my purpose to put this forward here as anything but an observation, especially since my own depression is treated with drugs. But it helps me to understand why religion is practiced by a large proportion of the population, even with the advances of modern science. It also makes me wonder if the seeming epidemic of depression isn't related to the modern rejection of religion and spirituality by so many individuals.

There is something to be said for the arguments in favor of antinatalism. Sam Harris also did a podcast with David Benatar on the subject.

I don't really think about it to be honest. Yeah, nothing "matters" but the whole idea of "mattering" is subjective anyway. All that matters is what you deem to matter to you, at least that's the way I look at it. Would I say I'm happy to have been born? No, but I wouldn't say that I'm unhappy to exist either. I simply do. I've had good times, I've had bad times, but most of the time, it's pretty neutral. I don't really chase a certain feeling or achievement, just experiences to make the passing of time a little more interesting, for better or for worse.

Sure, personally I like the tragic, so even if I have a shitty life, I find that quite beautiful. I recommend to embrace it.

Tragedy (from the Greek: τραγῳδία, tragōidia[a]) is a form of drama based on human suffering that invokes an accompanying catharsis or pleasure in audiences.