How to educate a parent on the internet?
Howdy fellow humans. So I need help finding ways to teach my technophobe mother how to not get caught out by scam websites and how to just generally navigate the internet like a tech savvy person.
Recently, she got caught out when applying for the Thai Digital Arrival Card. She paid $80 for the "service". She only realised afterwards that this should not be the case. This angered her and reinforced her thinking that she can't do these things online and will always say she doesn't know what she is doing etc etc. When I googled the thai DAC the first hit on google was the official site and I had to go out of my way to find the one that she got. As I mentioned before she is a technophobe but then won't take the time to learn how to properly navigate the internet or improve her media literacy skills at all. I am also sure that there may be some other more personal issues around her refusal to learn how to use tech but thats a problem for another day.
Anyway so far Iv found 2 crash course series that would most likely help but if anyone else here has other resources for me to suggest to her id really appreciate it.
Unfortunately, I think she needs to be first incentivised. Otherwise the Internet is just this all stick place where she can only be hurt and feel embarrassed, with no carrot in sight. And the current landscape targets people, I feel, and whatever safe things you teach are also used by bad guys to deceive.
So.....find something online she's interested in first, I think. Does she want to use a popular chat app? Is there an entertainment news site she wants to browse? Forward cute memes to family?
Second this, Ive got my grampa slowly learning about the internet cause I set up Facebook for him so he can talk to his family.
He’s reasonably well versed in scams, he just wasn’t familiar with Facebook specific ones, so its been quite the learning curve.
It helps that I set up a Linux machine for him so even if he does call the dumb “Microsoft tech support” number, they wont be able to access that computer lol
Semi-related to this. I just found Rustdesk a while ago
A proper free remote desktop system, I use Tailscale+Rustdesk to remote home when I need to. The same system would be perfect to remotely debug (grand)parents computers.
hmmmm im not sure what could be the incentive. My incentive would be to not get scammed haha but thats just me. I will have to find something that can be a motivator and take it from there. Since we live in different countries its difficult to know what her habits are and where I could squeeze this sort of knowledge in.
Yeah, combined with no curiosity, it's very difficult and honestly I'm not sure is worth it. If possible, safest option is to help her with anything internet related: you as the trusted security expert. And that way if she gets a call to send gift cards, nope call bushbear; call about an order made to Amazon, nope call bushbear; call to get government tax returns, nope call bushbear. It sucks, but it's one of the safest ways we can manage senior finances in a world where we have teams of professionals targetting them.
I am not sure you can help her by just throwing courses at her. From reading between the line she is already navigating the online world but in a way that makes here end up at places where she shouldn't.
A course might show the "correct" way of doing things but doesn't make it a habit and most certainly doesn't remove already learned behaviors and bad habbits. Not to mention that you are asking her to work on something alone where she feels like she already failed and basically scared away from due to bad experiences. Basically, it is no wonder she doesn't take time to learn, that involves doing the thing that caused bad experiences to begin with. People generally try to deal with bad experiences by avoiding what they perceive to be the cause.
The best approach, in theory, would be sitting next to her with a bucket load of patience and simply ask her to show how she does things and why. Then on the points where stuff starts to derail gently correct her, let her practice in doing things correctly and repeat it a lot. Not just one session but multiple ones.
However, there is a reason I said "in theory" and "bucker load of patience". Because it is a very involved process and many people aren't great teachers. Even less so when it involves some trying to teach their own parents this often falls appart.
I am still mentioning it as patience and understanding are the most valuable tools in your arsenal here.
You have raised valid points that I am in a way trying to solve. Unfortunately, we live in separate countries so giving lessons is not really on the cards. In saying that we are going to be in thailand soon so I will have to try my best to give a quick rundown on this topic.
What I am trying to say here is that there likely isn't a "quick" solution to this. With the information you are giving, it appears that your mother is able to navigate the internet in some capacity. This is something she learned, otherwise she wouldn't even be able to do that. Applying those learned skills, from her perspective, actually got her into trouble. From what I gather, this is just the latest in a series of bad experiences. So, from her perspective, she did take the time and effort to learn how to navigate the web (even though it might be flawed), tried to apply those skills and got into trouble multiple times.
This is a demotivating experience for anyone and would turn off a lot of people from trying again.
A crash course or a quick rundown here are effectively the opposite of what you want to do here. She is not at a point where much of that information will stick. Even more so because she likely is starting at a much lower entry point than you realize (curse of knowledge). Her current methods, while flawed, are what she knows. New information from a quick lesson will be forgotten because it doesn't have a reliable mental framework to attach to. She's more likely to revert to her old, ingrained habits under stress and then fail again. And this time her previous held beliefs will just be reinforced because, in her mind, she applied your "quick rundown".
She needs to entirely rebuild her skills here and then over time experience that this works. If you really want to be the person to help her with that, you need to think of something that works remotely. And as I said you really will need a lot of patience and time, explaining things over and over again, letting her practice, etc. Think about a setup where she shares her screen, where you have weekly sessions for a while having her show her actions, etc. Basically the approach I talked about in my earlier comment but then remotely and in a way that actually grows new good habits.
Alternatively, you find something locally where she can learn that. I don't know how the situation is in Thailand of course, but around here I have seen community centers and groups have courses and practice sessions. Mostly aimed at elderly, but effectively at anyone who basically needs to practice under guidance. Maybe there are similar initiatives over there? Possibly in libraries, internet cafes, etc.
I'm not sure spotting scams can be separated from her unwillingness to learn technology.
For me, learning anything requires having a degree of curiosity about it, and without that willingness doing any courses is going to further cement the perceived incomprehensibility.
Maybe you could break down the stigma by tying computers/internet to her other hobbies? If she likes reading introduce her to the local library website so she doesn't have to travel there to see what new stuff they have, make an account and show her how to take out books.
That's a great springboard for talking about password hygiene and teaching her how to use a password manager (use tools like these to make it as easy as possible)
Also, give her time to get comfortable after each lesson, big knowledge dumps can be overwhelming and go back to the perceived complexity problem.
Oh and talking about libraries, some of them do free/low cost computer courses for tech averse/illiterate people so you're doing it in a controlled place with other people, again breaking down the stigma of learning It.
You actually hit on something that bothers me a bit. Her lack of curiosity in learning how to properly navigate modern technology as well as other subjects is a cause of anxiety for me. I really wish I could figure out a way to get her into the mindset of trying to learn new skills. In my mind getting scammed for 80 bucks would motivate me to figure out how I went wrong but I get the feeling this is not going to be the case for her.
I will be on holiday with the family next week so I have some time to come up with a plan.
In my experience people aren't usually incurious by choice, maybe she had a bad experience years/decades ago that soured her on technology? Possibly something to discuss
Best of luck!
It is not a solution to the problem, so I didn't mention it in my other comment because it would detract from my main message. But there are at least a few things you can set up technically to at least have it be less likely that she fails.
1.1.1.2will block malware and1.1.1.3will also block adult content. There are also other DNS providers offering similar filter services like OpenDNS and NextDNS.How old is she?
I ask because my father was always at the forefront of consumer technology until fairly recently, but now he's losing confidence and/or knowledge of scams and how to keep himself safe. We've discussed this in depth and he's going to stick with the tech he has now, and not upgrade again. He's 77.
To put this in perspective:
Now he calls me when he gets spam email, asking me what he should do with it. Recently he fell for a WhatsApp "Hi dad, I've lost my phone. This is my new number, please send me loads of cash so I can..."
This isn't necessarily a knowledge thing so much as a deteriorating ability to process the information, coupled with a reluctance to change, and I see it in both of my in-laws as well. They're of a similar age, but with different levels of technical experience, but they're both deteriorating in the same way.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if she's of a similar age, perhaps you should try to keep her safe and aid her when she needs to go online rather than trying to teach / encourage her to improve. She may not be capable of it.
She 56 so not really too old to learn but i will most likely just set up her laptop to be a bit more secure and only have the programs she needs.
The material isn't anything special, it's whether she is motivated to learn any of it that will ultimately decide things. Ive been the family tech support person, did classes for folks at a library, worked support jobs/did workshops, doing stuff like this has been part of my life forever. If she isn't inspired to do anything herself you are wasting your own time trying to get anything across. You mentioned, "technophobe" and "doesn't take the time", that's key to me. You can give someone the best material in the world and if they don't want to learn, they won't.
I have a relative who is notoriously difficult around stuff like this. On the surface, she will participate in anything you offer, and that experience will almost always seem pretty good. The issue, is that once you're done, she goes back to believing she "doesn't understand computers" and pride prevents her from practicing stuff to get better. So, a week or two later, you'll get a call about the exact same thing you resolved last time, and she will totally just repeat the same, entire experience as if the first time never happened. I stopped trying to teach anything, configured a machine to just do the stuff she knew, and after that almost never heard from her about it.
It isn't that tough to learn how to navigate and avoid sketchy stuff. I'm inclined to think, what you already found is probably solid, and it's down to whether she's really willing to engage with it. If she's not, you can still assist with a safer machine if you have that time, or, you may just need to ditch the issue and approach it later around a different circumstance/through a different opportunity. It is very easy for folks to see learning as punishment when it comes about after them making a mistake. Might be you get more buy-in by waiting for her to get curious and seizing upon that.
You make a good point. I'm gonna talk to her soon and I'll make a judgment then on how to proceed but I think you are right and it probably won't help trying to teach her new ways if she won't be open to learning.
Will most likely just set up her laptop to be safer for my sanity.