0d_billie's recent activity
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Comment on Non-parents give crappy parenting advice in ~life
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Comment on How should you prepare for the end of the honeymoon phase? in ~life
0d_billie Link ParentThis is really sweet, and honestly it's something I hope I can replicate!This is really sweet, and honestly it's something I hope I can replicate!
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Comment on How should you prepare for the end of the honeymoon phase? in ~life
0d_billie Link ParentThis is really wonderful advice, thank you. Those questions you linked sound like a really interesting place to begin, so I'll digest that a little today. I really like the idea of "always...This is really wonderful advice, thank you. Those questions you linked sound like a really interesting place to begin, so I'll digest that a little today.
I really like the idea of "always dating," and while it's been tricky to find and make time for each other around schedules (and the impending summer holidays will not help with that), we've been striking a good balance of actual date-like activities with more casual, unspecified hanging out.
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Comment on How should you prepare for the end of the honeymoon phase? in ~life
0d_billie Link ParentWell this has just given me The Fear. It's given me something to think about though, and to talk to her about. As have your other suggestions for topics to consider.My mother and the man of her dreams broke up -- the reason? One of his kids and my sibling didn't get along to the point where they didn't think they'd ever be able to live together.
Well this has just given me The Fear. It's given me something to think about though, and to talk to her about. As have your other suggestions for topics to consider.
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Comment on How should you prepare for the end of the honeymoon phase? in ~life
0d_billie Link ParentCould you say more about negative patterns? I'm not necessarily sure I understand entirely what you mean.Could you say more about negative patterns? I'm not necessarily sure I understand entirely what you mean.
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Comment on How should you prepare for the end of the honeymoon phase? in ~life
0d_billie Link ParentI'm working on that, haha! We do have good lines of communication already, and I have been practising being up-front about things as and when they occur. Which is new (and slightly challenging)...I wouldn't overthink it.
I'm working on that, haha!
We do have good lines of communication already, and I have been practising being up-front about things as and when they occur. Which is new (and slightly challenging) for me, but it's proving to be very rewarding. We've been very open with each other from the outset.
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How should you prepare for the end of the honeymoon phase?
I have been dating a woman for coming up to 4 months, after matching on Hinge. I am completely head over heels for her, as is she for me. Due to respective childcare obligations, our physical time...
I have been dating a woman for coming up to 4 months, after matching on Hinge. I am completely head over heels for her, as is she for me. Due to respective childcare obligations, our physical time together is limited, but we text constantly, have frequent video and phone calls, and make an effort to find small, snatched windows to be together after bedtimes when geography and schedules allow.
I feel extraordinarily connected to this woman; our relationship has been characterised by laughter from the very first message on Hinge, and the time we spend together is both a) an unbridled joy, and b) doing that annoying thing where hours feel like minutes. I am fully aware that this is just a part of being in the honeymoon period, and that we haven't gotten into the more mundane parts of being in a long term relationship yet; but that they are inevitably coming down the line. However I could very much see this being the last relationship I ever have, inshallah. So I want to try and lay the groundwork for stability and security into the long term while we're still in the honeymoon period, with the idea being that when it ends we've got a strong foundation upon which we can move forwards.
I know you can't plan relationships, that every relationship is different, and that life has a way of throwing enormous curveballs your way. But as best I can, I would like to ensure that when the magic of the honeymoon ends, we have built something that will enable us to transition into lasting love. We've already talked in broad terms about things such as when we would meet each other's kids; the vague direction of the relationship in terms of living together, marriage, additional kids, and so on, but without timelines; and a little about our respective love languages and attachment styles. That all feels like simply sounding out compatibility, so I would like to know, what are the other conversations we should be having? Are there specific things that you wish you discovered or realised about your SO during the honeymoon phase? Is there something that we as a couple should be doing now to make our lives easier and better later on?
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Comment on I just saw a concert and I don't think I will ever be the same again in ~music
0d_billie Link ParentI live for this. It's greater than any drug. Sometimes all I need to do is to walk into the room/arena shortly before curtain up, when the atmosphere and anticipation are just right, and it'll...I live for this. It's greater than any drug. Sometimes all I need to do is to walk into the room/arena shortly before curtain up, when the atmosphere and anticipation are just right, and it'll have me sky high in a split second.
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Comment on BBC exit poll predicts Labour landslide in UK in ~news
0d_billie Link ParentThis brought me a whole lot of joy, especially the line "No wait, this is Keir Starmer's"This brought me a whole lot of joy, especially the line "No wait, this is Keir Starmer's"
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Comment on What's a life lesson you've applied that has changed your life? in ~life
0d_billie LinkWhen I was young and frustrated at my lack of progress learning to play the piano, I would decry it as "too difficult" and ask to stop. My parents' regular refrain in response to this was "if it...When I was young and frustrated at my lack of progress learning to play the piano, I would decry it as "too difficult" and ask to stop. My parents' regular refrain in response to this was "if it was easy, then everyone would do it."
Internalising that has been a great boon for my determination to keep pushing at difficulty barriers, and the urge to differentiate myself from the pack.
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Comment on Survival is insufficient in ~health.mental
0d_billie Link"Survival is insufficient" as a phrase really resonated with me the first time I read it in Station Eleven (a wonderful book, by the way, I do recommend it). Lately, I've been thinking more about..."Survival is insufficient" as a phrase really resonated with me the first time I read it in Station Eleven (a wonderful book, by the way, I do recommend it).
Lately, I've been thinking more about what simple survival entails as an adult in the modern world. Living alone, you are solely responsible for your own survival tasks; eating, working, cleaning, sleeping. Oftentimes a day can be fully eaten up by the first three, leaving only time and energy for the fourth. And it makes me realise just how unsuited we humans are to solitude and independence, when I've been on my own for a long time and feel completely unfulfilled by life. Survival is essential, but the things that make survival worth it require it to be taken care of quickly, easily, and painlessly. And I'm learning more and more that (at least for me) that's simply just not possible on my own. But moreover, that simple survival itself becomes fulfilling when there are other people to do it with.
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Comment on Most reliable privacy-conscious notes app? in ~tech
0d_billie Link ParentI really like Bookstack. I've been using it for my homelab documentation, as well as for planning my D&D games. That said I wouldn't use it for day-to-day notes. My "other notes" system relies...Bookstack: Putting notes into an organized wiki is nice. But again, forces you to be a bit more structured.
I really like Bookstack. I've been using it for my homelab documentation, as well as for planning my D&D games. That said I wouldn't use it for day-to-day notes. My "other notes" system relies heavily on having just a default quick note inbox that I can come back to and organise at a later date.
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Comment on Ballkids? No thanks, we’ll stick to boys and girls says Wimbledon – Change comes slowly at the All England Club, which will not follow the other Grand Slams by scrapping the gender-specific titles in ~sports
0d_billie LinkI mean, ballkids is a bit naff, and I say that as someone who is very pro gender-neutral language. "Ballers" was right there!I mean, ballkids is a bit naff, and I say that as someone who is very pro gender-neutral language. "Ballers" was right there!
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Comment on Assume the Sapir-Whorf Linguistic Theory is accurate: What languages would be best to learn, to improve one's cognitive functions and/or worldview? in ~humanities.languages
0d_billie LinkI'm not too comfortable with the premise of the question, even though it's being asked in good faith. SW is all but debunked in its strong form, and while there are differences in cognition...I'm not too comfortable with the premise of the question, even though it's being asked in good faith. SW is all but debunked in its strong form, and while there are differences in cognition depending on language, they are small and ultimately not so useful (the goluboy and siniy experiments are interesting, but it'd hardly change your life to distinguish shades of blue a split second faster).
That said, to engage with the question at its basic premise: you would need to research in a comparative sense which languages contain the most features that your first language(s) does not. For instance, if English is your first language, perhaps skip over anything with a Latin or Germanic influence, and look to Africa and Asia. Mandarin Chinese might be a good option for its use of tones. Japanese and Korean are also good options for their different sentence construction and agglutinative morphosyntax.
You could also look for what would increase your ability to perceive and produce different phonemes to those already in your own linguistic inventory. It has been shown that babies just a few weeks old can differentiate the sounds that are part of their dominant language from those that are not, and we very quickly lose that perception. So perhaps a Sub-Saharan African language which uses a lot of consonants that English does not (although the clicks in many are dying out) would be useful.
Maybe you just want a language that has more words available for ideas covered by only a few words in your first tongue. German could be a good option here, or maybe indigenous languages.
Possibly you could skip a verbal language altogether, and learn to sign. But then of course you would need to pick which sign language, because there are as many sign languages as there are deaf communities.
There will never be one best tongue for this hypothetical premise, because there are so many linguistic features and variety among all the world's languages. Languages are also tied up inextricably with culture. Which dialect of a given language would you opt for? In fact, perhaps just adopting a new dialect of your own language would be the best answer to this question. You would learn not just how to talk slightly differently, but you would come to understand a different way of life, as language (and dialects can be considered different languages) is impossible to fully extract from the culture that uses it. People who belong to minority ethnic groups in their countries, or are queer, or working class, or are women... All have different linguistic proclivities and perspectives which inform their use of language, and their desire to signal membership of their social circle.
So it might considered a cop-out answer to your question, but I would argue that the best language you can learn is the language that the people in your community that are the most different from you, use. It will broaden your horizons and change your perceptions more completely than will learning a foreign language that you don't have consistent and regular opportunities to speak.
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Comment on How do you feel about it/its pronouns? in ~lgbt
0d_billie Link ParentI didn't realise she'd written beyond the Wayfarer's series! This is exciting news :DI didn't realise she'd written beyond the Wayfarer's series! This is exciting news :D
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Comment on Online Scythe gaming group in ~games.tabletop
0d_billie LinkOh hey, I'd clean forgotten about this! And I'm still well up for it, provided we can make the time zones work :D Failing that, I'm not sure if the game features a "play by email" mode or not?Oh hey, I'd clean forgotten about this! And I'm still well up for it, provided we can make the time zones work :D
Failing that, I'm not sure if the game features a "play by email" mode or not? -
Comment on Disney's new Star Wars series The Acolyte is excellent in ~tv
0d_billie Link ParentWell, there goes any chance of me watching it!It does not really compare well to Andor. It's more like Ahsoka or season 3 Mandalorian.
Well, there goes any chance of me watching it!
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Comment on Pride Month at Tildes: #2 - Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire? in ~lgbt
0d_billie Link ParentI have never heard of the Public Universal Friend before, but wow, that's brilliant. Thanks for introducing us! You're right about using modern identities for historical figures, but I completely...I have never heard of the Public Universal Friend before, but wow, that's brilliant. Thanks for introducing us!
You're right about using modern identities for historical figures, but I completely agree: the enby energy (enbygy?) is strong. -
Comment on Pride Month at Tildes: #1 - Introductions and Playlist in ~lgbt
0d_billie LinkHey everyone! I'm 0d_billie, which does reveal my real name (although I've been using my middle name more and more lately). I'm a 32-year-old lesbian and trans woman living in the north of...Hey everyone! I'm 0d_billie, which does reveal my real name (although I've been using my middle name more and more lately). I'm a 32-year-old lesbian and trans woman living in the north of England.
By some standards, I'm still just a little queer baby, having only "finished" coming out early last year. But I've been definitively engaging with my gender since mid-2021 after many, many aborted attempts to do so over the two decades before.
For a long time I didn't think the "I've always known" narrative applied to me, but the more I sit with my own memories, the more I realise that I have always known. I was never comfortable calling myself a man, a boy, or male, even from a young age, always preferring to use vaguer language that contained a lot of plausible deniability. I felt a strong sense of jealousy toward my younger sister from about the time we both started to enter puberty, and my friendship circle has consistently been comprised mainly of girls and queer people. I now maintain a couple of token cis-straight friendships as well, just for inclusivity purposes.
Coming out for me was a relatively smooth affair, although it took about 18 months to get from the point of thinking "I'm trans" to telling the world about it. I came out in very small steps, and was experimenting slowly and deliberately with different things. Again, plausible deniability, and with the ability to walk back any changes that I wasn't entirely happy with. But given that my friendship circle is decidedly queer, and that my family are on the whole quite progressive, when I did eventually finish coming out to anyone, I didn't have a single bad experience to report.
Imposter syndrome has been my constant companion throughout this journey: I'm not trans enough; I'm not gay enough; I'm not dysphoric enough; I'm not feminine enough; etc etc. I'm still working hard on getting over these feelings of inadequacy, but they do often come to a head. This last couple of weeks have been challenging, with a big spike in dysphoria coupled with a few people in my life still struggling to use the correct pronouns (she/her, for clarity).
It's not always smooth sailing, but you know what? I haven't had a single suicidal thought in the past 3 years. I haven't needed to take time off work for depression. I haven't struggled to connect with my friends and family. I haven't had to pretend to be someone or something I'm not. I am finally, contentedly myself (asterisk: I am, like everyone, a continuing work in progress).
I am currently very excited about my relationship. I have fallen completely, head-over-heels in love, and she feels the same way. I have never believed in "the one" or "soulmates" or anything, but damn, she really does make me want to reassess that. She makes me feel like every relationship up until this point was just me looking for her, but not quite succeeding. It's a truly wonderful feeling to be dating someone as my true self, not having, needing, or wanting to hide a single thing about myself.
I have no specific plans for celebrating Pride Month. My city doesn't actually do a Pride celebration until July for some reason, so I'll be attending that. Mostly this month I'll be focusing on simply being visible, and not giving a shit about what the people in my small, religiously conservative corner of the world think or say. I spent almost 30 years pretending to be something I'm not, and I'm not about to let fear or judgement force me back into the closet.
As for songs. I don't think it's queer-related at all, but I discovered it at the start of my transition and it became a bit of a personal anthem: Start Wearing Purple. For something more explicitly queer, here's Black Tie. And for another not-sure-if-it's-queer-but-it's-become-irretrievably-linked-in-my-head option, how about The Feminine Urge.
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Comment on UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak announces a 4th July general election in ~news
My now-13 year old is still in this phase. She talks constantly and breathlessly from the moment I collect her from her co-parent until the moment I drop her off. I love her, but it's exhausting.