chocobean's recent activity

  1. Comment on Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news in ~news

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    I saw that and thought it was such a cute story! I like that the photographer's father had a special connection to roadrunner + coyote as well :)

    I saw that and thought it was such a cute story! I like that the photographer's father had a special connection to roadrunner + coyote as well :)

    2 votes

  2. Comment on How do you find new anime to watch? in ~anime

    chocobean
    Link
    YouTuber Gigguk* puts out a season preview that's well edited and funny. My husband and I watch them and discuss which ones seem interesting to us, then we'll give the top contender an episode or...

    YouTuber Gigguk* puts out a season preview that's well edited and funny. My husband and I watch them and discuss which ones seem interesting to us, then we'll give the top contender an episode or two and see how we feel.

    (Probably misspelled. My house is under huge storm and without power right now, I'll correct with link later)

    2 votes

  3. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    +1 set up credit card auto pay small recurring cost like cell phone. Try to get a bank account with decent overdraft protection to pay for it on a schedule.

    +1 set up credit card auto pay small recurring cost like cell phone. Try to get a bank account with decent overdraft protection to pay for it on a schedule.

    2 votes

  4. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    It really sucks to have grown out of being so young people forgive us more for social faux pas we should have been able to pick up. But the good thing is that a lot of people grew up surrounded by...

    It really sucks to have grown out of being so young people forgive us more for social faux pas we should have been able to pick up. But the good thing is that a lot of people grew up surrounded by peers and the opposite sex, without picking up on basics either, or have to un-learn a whole suite of toxic behaviours. At least with the Internet we don't have to move house to a new village to start over if we super fumble things :)

  5. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Yeah no shame in engaging on some level. Don't hurt yourself racing but being here isn't too bad, the money buys me nice things I'm still going to be a rat stuck here but I don't have to race. I...

    Yeah no shame in engaging on some level. Don't hurt yourself racing but being here isn't too bad, the money buys me nice things

    I'm still going to be a rat stuck here but I don't have to race. I can meander and check out the different rooms. I can chat with a fellow rat. I can take my time slowly walking to the big cheese.

    1 vote

  6. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    I still feel like a kid cosplaying as an adult :P

    I still feel like a kid cosplaying as an adult :P

    3 votes

  7. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Haha, I know what you mean: youth is wasted on the young. But..... I do also know that some of us have no way of obtaining good advice when we're ready and looking for them. I remember a subreddit...

    Haha, I know what you mean: youth is wasted on the young.

    But..... I do also know that some of us have no way of obtaining good advice when we're ready and looking for them. I remember a subreddit that was something like, "dad/mom, how do I do XYZ?" for folks whose biological parents aren't around or don't give good advice.

    For the rest like myself as an older person, these are good reminders of steps I've already taken, or that I can still make meaningful changes even now :)

    1 vote

  8. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Good one "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." -- Jean-Luc Picard But the experience of having done all that prep, practice, and the actual...

    Good one

    "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." -- Jean-Luc Picard

    But the experience of having done all that prep, practice, and the actual attempt, can't be taken from us. It's even possible to re-use most of those for the next attempt that does succeed, or pass on the knowledge to someone else who will.

    2 votes

  9. Comment on Are there any witches on Tildes? in ~hobbies

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Yeah I understand that feeling a tiny bit :) during my conversion, it was like a whole world out there opening up to me kind of "Woah". I was fortunate enough to find someone to talk to about it...

    Yeah I understand that feeling a tiny bit :) during my conversion, it was like a whole world out there opening up to me kind of "Woah". I was fortunate enough to find someone to talk to about it and they gave me some reading materials, a physical practice I can do every day and I think that practice side of thing was the most "orienting" : so much of growing up materialist and western means it's all in our heads and everything has to cognitively make sense first, with no follow up of what it means for our bodies. Intentional physical practice, spending intentional time doing a ritual with sight, sound, smell, taste and touch with careful steps, and following (loosely) a particular diet is a way of inheriting wisdom left by ancients who had previously walked this path. I also found the observing of recurring dates and seasons to be of benefit to me because I tend to "live in my head" too much.

    I had a thought the other day, thinking about your request, that if you lived near a university or college campus there's sure to be a small community or at least someone who knows someone? Try posting on their public community boards (digital or analog) or going to their community fairs or club weeks, you might run into something.

    1 vote

  10. Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link
    Clarification: I was close family but not part of the wedding party We had lunch together the day before and got to spend time hanging out. That was the best part. The couple had polorids and...

    Clarification: I was close family but not part of the wedding party

    What made that wedding distinct from the others?

    We had lunch together the day before and got to spend time hanging out. That was the best part.

    What aspects of the wedding did you find thoughtful and memorable?

    The couple had polorids and guests can take their own photos to keep as well as leave lots for the couple. Low waste favour is a win.

    How did that wedding make you feel as a guest?

    I'm just happy for the couple, not sure how else I feel really matters, honestly. It's their day

    How do you want to feel as a guest at a wedding?

    I'm not a big wedding ceremony / reception person. I want to spend time personally talking to the couple and connecting, learning about their new partner. If I could choose to buy them casual dinner with just them and then not being invited to a friend's wedding I would for sure choose dinner 100 times in a row.

    3 votes

  11. Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    +1 introvert wedding. Why can't we just chill and talk :/

    +1 introvert wedding. Why can't we just chill and talk :/

    4 votes

  12. Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Brag away brother! I love cheap wedding followed by buying real estate. Oh and happy anniversary!

    Brag away brother! I love cheap wedding followed by buying real estate. Oh and happy anniversary!

    1 vote

  13. Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Got me crying about Ukraine again.... :') Bravo starting a new tradition, what a fantastic idea! I'm not in the wedding market anymore but wow I would have stolen this for sure

    Got me crying about Ukraine again.... :')

    Bravo starting a new tradition, what a fantastic idea! I'm not in the wedding market anymore but wow I would have stolen this for sure

    1 vote

  14. Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life

  15. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Dare I ask what was "the lesson" there? I can't explain why I was inoculated from my incident, and turned independent, emotionally secure and able to fight for myself. I firmly recognized that...

    Dare I ask what was "the lesson" there?

    I can't explain why I was inoculated from my incident, and turned independent, emotionally secure and able to fight for myself. I firmly recognized that year that my parents' approval ain't worth much, and that weird things they decide to do are not my fault but something going on on their side.

    I see a lot of adults still struggling with the opposite, that rather than becoming stronger from these incidents, they live in a shroud of learned helplessness and accept responsibility for their parents' irrational moods and internalise their wrong opinions of them.... I wish whatever unearned gift of protection I had been given could be shared.

    2 votes

  16. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    +1 we all have old stuff youre welcome to have, young people. Offer to come pick them up, and if we can see you're low maintenance and don't have a car, we'll probably drive boxes of goods to your...

    +1 we all have old stuff youre welcome to have, young people. Offer to come pick them up, and if we can see you're low maintenance and don't have a car, we'll probably drive boxes of goods to your place.

    I stayed at a university dorm overnight this summer and I couldn't believe how bare bones their kitchen communal share box was....good heavens guys let them have a salt pepper shaker at least.

    3 votes

  17. Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    This was me at 12 years old, when mine denied permission for me to go on elementary school grad camping trip. I'll keep telling the same story to my (long suffering) spouse and any potential...

    I wish they recognized that I was capable of making good decisions earlier in life. Would have made for a better long-term relationship with them.

    This was me at 12 years old, when mine denied permission for me to go on elementary school grad camping trip. I'll keep telling the same story to my (long suffering) spouse and any potential therapist, but that particular year long struggle completely and permanently changed how I viewed my parents' ability to make good, rational, adult and healthy decisions.

    8 votes

  18. Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out?

    ~life Ask
    (inspired by a deleted post. I'll respect the user and just make this a generic topic.) What was the hardest part about growing up into an independent adult for you? Was there some advice or...

    (inspired by a deleted post. I'll respect the user and just make this a generic topic.)

    What was the hardest part about growing up into an independent adult for you? Was there some advice or mental Eureka! moment that gave you a big boost?

    Affordability and employment are at a crisis level for our youth these days. Want to share some hardships you experienced, or big hurdle you had to navigate out of, as a way to encourage others that things will get better?

    39 votes

  19. Comment on Want some advice on how to escape my current situation - I [34M] am fed up of my [68F/81M] parents and want out in ~life

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    I have an alternative suggestion: don't go to brother saying you are drowning and need help, go to him saying I've got a plan and here's a small gap I could use help bridging. This is good advice...

    I have an alternative suggestion: don't go to brother saying you are drowning and need help, go to him saying I've got a plan and here's a small gap I could use help bridging.

    This is good advice for workplace as well: don't go to others for a solution, go to them with a partial solution.

    Much more likely to get a yes.

    4 votes

  20. Comment on How to spot a psychopath: ‘It’s like the difference between a domestic cat and a wild cat’ in ~science

    chocobean
    Link Parent
    Maybe there isn't actually a hard, physiological dividing line between "just mean" and disordered. Maybe the disorder is when someone has spent enough time getting away with, and then further...

    Maybe there isn't actually a hard, physiological dividing line between "just mean" and disordered. Maybe the disorder is when someone has spent enough time getting away with, and then further cultivating their meanness towards specific victims, until they no longer feel compulsion to mask to their victims, or their ability to mask gives way to the justice system, whichever comes first. And when resources are plentiful and there's no real reason to hurt, they behave just like normal people.

    It's like any of the diagnostic inventories for other mental health issues : is it just forgetfulness or ADHD, is it just introversion or autism? There's a huge catalog of traits that everyone has a few items of, but for those who fit the diagnosis, it's pervasive and permanent and check far more boxes than others.

    I don't know man, I know two of these types and I spent years thinking surely that can't be, surely they're just emotionally immature or had hard circumstances growing up or just slightly bad like we all are, or every kind of excuse possible. No one wants to believe they are dealing with someone who is like this. I'm not a psychologist, but armed with the list and being able to check off all of them over a long period of time, I can't diagnose, and maybe they're not disordered just mean, but the only thing I can choose is safety.

    6 votes