RoyalHenOil's recent activity
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Comment on Keir Starmer announces resignation as leader of Labour Party in ~society
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Comment on The global fertility crisis is worse than you think in ~society
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentIt's pretty hard to take the fertility crisis that seriously when the main people I see talking about it (business leaders) are, simultaneously, spouting anti-immigrant and anti-welfare/healthcare...It's pretty hard to take the fertility crisis that seriously when the main people I see talking about it (business leaders) are, simultaneously, spouting anti-immigrant and anti-welfare/healthcare rhetoric and laying off thousands of workers. Whatever they may say, their actions are consistent with a population that's too large and human beings too devalued.
Even in countries like South Korea, there are an awful lot of child-free spaces around. It's hard to believe that South Korea's leadership actually want more children as much as they say they do, while they turn a blind eye to rampant discrimination against children.
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Comment on The global fertility crisis is worse than you think in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentFor demographers, "fertility rate" refers to the average number of children born per woman, without factoring in any causes. That being said, we are arguably facing a fertility crisis (in the...For demographers, "fertility rate" refers to the average number of children born per woman, without factoring in any causes.
That being said, we are arguably facing a fertility crisis (in the sense of couples being unable to have children) as a consequence of the birth control crisis (in the sense of couples choosing to use birth control). In advanced economies, children are a financial drain on a couple's resources, so they tend to delay having children until they're more financially stable — which means waiting until they're older. Modern medicine is really effective at helping older couples still have healthy children, but it's still far from perfect and it doesn't come cheap.
As a consequence, even couples who want to have children often end up having fewer children than they would like — often just one or two kids (below the replacement levels) when they would have preferred three or four (above replacement levels).
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Comment on What creative projects have you been working on? in ~creative
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThat sounds interesting. Time travel stories are my absolute hands-down favorite when they actually explore the topic (instead of just using it as a cheap deus ex machina or whatever).That sounds interesting. Time travel stories are my absolute hands-down favorite when they actually explore the topic (instead of just using it as a cheap deus ex machina or whatever).
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Comment on Accessible forms of poetry for journaling? in ~creative
RoyalHenOil (edited )LinkI really enjoy poems that are written for their sound (with rhyme, alliteration, and above all stress patterns), and one big benefit of these is that they can be very short and still strongly read...I really enjoy poems that are written for their sound (with rhyme, alliteration, and above all stress patterns), and one big benefit of these is that they can be very short and still strongly read as poetry.
Writing short poetry is really nice because it's simultaneously a challenge that will really get you practicing the craft tightly, and not as much of a time sink as a longer poem. It's like writing a strict 300-word short story instead of a 60,000+ word novel.
One thing I find helpful for writing poetry, particularly with getting the structure right, is to imagine it as lines for a song. Matching it to music can help you grasp the meter and stresses more intuitively, since song lyrics are virtually always written with close attention to structure.
Limericks are also really great for practice because they have such a familiar, regimented structure that it's usually pretty obvious if you've messed up the stress pattern. These can be really helpful as a warm-up or for identifying stresses in words that you're considering for a different poem.
Here are some short examples I've written for a fiction project, which has a lot of excerpts from a character's journal where he often writes poetry. His poems get particularly terse when he's struggling emotionally (they get longer and more florid when he's happy), so my apologies for how dark some of these are:
Steel your thought and still your heart
Lest you rend yourself apart
Black cloud on sere plain
All shadow, no rain
Sweetly sings the knife
That neatly inks my life
In threads scored red upon the floor
In the last one, I used internal rhyme ('sweetly'/'neatly', 'sings'/'inks', 'red'/'thread', 'scored'/'floor') and some alliteration (repeated 's' sounds in 'sweetly'/'sings'/'inks'/'threads'/'scored', and also some 'f' and 'th' that sound similar) to keep the last line sounding cohesive and linked to the previous two lines despite its break from their structure. By using internal rhyme and alliteration, you can get more loosy-goosy with your phrasing, even on a very short poem.
Here's another example — this one using so much internal rhyme and alliteration that it's getting toward tongue-twister territory (I love writing tongue twisters). The internal rhyme and alliteration let me break away from using a standard rhyming structure, but I'm still keeping the stresses highly ordered (you can break more rules on a longer poem, but with a shorter poem, a stricter structure helps with establishing a pattern in just two lines):
She ladled a riddle into my bowl
And fondled my soul like a fiddle
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Comment on What are some seemingly silly things in your life that have practical purposes? in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI love a tiny ruler. However, my most-used woodworking ruler is my Omnigrip quilting ruler! There's actually a lot of overlap in my sewing tools and my woodworking tools — so much so that I store...I love a tiny ruler.
However, my most-used woodworking ruler is my Omnigrip quilting ruler! There's actually a lot of overlap in my sewing tools and my woodworking tools — so much so that I store a lot of them together in the same toolbox.
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Comment on One-and-done heart disease prevention? Scientists show it may be possible. in ~health
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThat's very hopeful! I really hope they come up with a similar treatment for LP(a) cholesterol, because it's as dangerous as LDL, but it can't be moderated by changing your diet or by taking...That's very hopeful!
I really hope they come up with a similar treatment for LP(a) cholesterol, because it's as dangerous as LDL, but it can't be moderated by changing your diet or by taking statins.
It's also harder to diagnose because standard cholesterol tests don't catch it. I only found out that LP(a) is a thing after getting a CT scan for unrelated reasons and they discovered unusually high levels of calcification in my heart. This wasn't on my doctor's radar at all given my age, my low LDL cholesterol, my healthy lifestyle, etc. Turns out it's just bad genes and there's not much that can be done about it until better treatments become available (which won't undo existing calcification that continues building up in the meantime).
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Comment on Fight against escalating gang crime sees Sweden vote on plans to hold thirteen-year-olds criminally responsible – other European nations are also lowering age limits in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI can't speak to this specific case, but I grew up in an area with a lot of gang activity (mostly Crips and Sureños) — although I wasn't directly involved, so take my opinion with a grain of salt....- Exemplary
I can't speak to this specific case, but I grew up in an area with a lot of gang activity (mostly Crips and Sureños) — although I wasn't directly involved, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
The distinct impression I've gotten is that gangs (at least of that highly organized type) function like governments. Yes, they commit crimes — as governments do — but they also settle disputes, organize community activities, enforce rules, collect and spend 'taxes', maintain facilities, promote local economic development, engage in war and diplomacy with neighboring gangs, etc. People get involved in these types of gangs for the same reasons that people get involved in any local community.
Unfortunately, they're not democracies (at least none that I know of, although I guess it's hypothetically possible) and they're prone to corruption and instability — although not as corrupt and unstable as genuine lawlessness would be. They're closer to warlord fiefdoms than the highly complex national organizations we usually associate with the word 'government', and they arise naturally in power vacuums — for example, when official institutions fail to meet a population's needs for safety, economic opportunity, legislation and enforcement, education, infrastructure, community services, etc. This is why gangs proliferate most under weak governments (e.g., during periods of turmoil or in underserved communities) and why playing whack-a-mole doesn't work.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI have no idea if those therapists were very good or not. I suspect my childhood therapists in particular were not. (Though, come to think of it, I think they were actually psychologists, not...I have no idea if those therapists were very good or not. I suspect my childhood therapists in particular were not. (Though, come to think of it, I think they were actually psychologists, not therapists. Granted, I don't think they were very good psychologists, either.)
But in their defense, even the best therapist in the world isn't a mind reader. I'm a very difficult person to get an emotional response out of (we have to be really close) unless it's an involuntary trauma reaction.
Venting about minor issues (even — maybe especially — when someone's trying to fish it out of me) doesn't come naturally to me and doesn't really do anything for me. These kinds of issues do take their toll on me, but not in a way that feels emotional or personal, if that makes sense, so I almost never air an issue unless I'm actively seeking advice on how to deal with it. The truth is that I don't need a therapist to tell me I have low blood pressure or to suggest strategies for increasing my blood pressure. I just need to drink some electrolytes — and just doing that ends up being more productive than months-worth of therapy (not to mention a whole lot cheaper, which is particularly relevant when the stressor is money).
I think one of the biggest harms in my life (I can't speak for anyone else, and I understand I'm a weirdo in this regard) is the widespread assumption that talking about things helps. For me, self-expression is deeply valuable and stating my thoughts clearly has helped me more than words can say (har har), but it's something I do best without an audience. As soon as there's someone else listening in, I start thinking about them instead of me, and then I come out of it exhausted rather than relieved.
To be clear, this is not to say that I don't need other people to care about me. I absolutely need to be confident that the people in my life love me, have my back, and would drop everything for me if I suddenly needed that kind of emotional support. (Thankfully, I do have that. But it's not something I've ever gotten out of therapy, and I'm not sure how I would.)
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentThere are things in my life that are very obviously 'wrong' that therapists love to hone right in on (namely, being a former foster care kid and formerly being in an abusive relationship that I...There are things in my life that are very obviously 'wrong' that therapists love to hone right in on (namely, being a former foster care kid and formerly being in an abusive relationship that I effectively had to alter my entire life to escape), and yet I've also found therapy useless. Nobody has ever accused me of being hysterical — instead, I get accused of bottling things up — and yet, despite how very seriously therapists take me, they consistently miss the mark. I'm not even sure there is a mark for them to hit.
In some cases, particularly when I was a very shy child being analyzed by very confident adult therapists, I found therapy actively harmful. I was way too vulnerable to handle it. (The therapy I received was also very hard on my family, but I don't think they had a choice. I'm pretty sure it was court-ordered.)
Therapy does appear to work for some people. But I increasingly suspect it's for people who happen to have a therapy-shaped hole in their life. That's not the shape of hole that I have.
I've spoken to many different sorts of therapists with different approaches: therapists who were supremely empathetic and cried with me, therapists who were all business and got right down to practical strategy, therapists who challenged me, therapists I really liked and 'clicked' with, etc. But at the end of the day, none of it actually did anything for me. I still felt exactly the same.
There are really only two things that have helped me (neither of which I got from therapy):
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Fixing the other supposedly 'little' stresses in my life that weren't the direct problem, but complicated my headspace enough that I couldn't concentrate on the problem. These are things like not getting enough sleep, worrying about money, toxic people in my life, niggling physical ailments like low blood pressure, etc. (To be completely frank, I think small stresses like these are actually a lot worse for mental health than major trauma — or at least that seems to be the case for me. I would rather have significantly more trauma than I already do than, say, fret about my job security or develop a chronic pain condition. Sometimes to get an elephant out of the room, you need to stop staring at the elephant and assess the room.)
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Just letting myself wallow and feel sorry for myself when I really need to. I think dealing with trauma or stress (at least for me) is a lot like grieving after losing a loved one. The difference is that when somebody dies, grief is socially acceptable; no one thinks there's something wrong with you for crying in front of everybody at the funeral and barely functioning for a couple weeks after. But when you have the same reaction to trauma or stress or whatever, people act like your behavior is a gaping injury that needs to be treated ASAP before you bleed to death, rather than a natural human reaction to the circumstances. When I abandoned this mindset and learned to let myself do what I most badly wanted to do (which in my case, usually takes the form of taking a day or two entirely to myself to gorge on the absolute most depressing media I can get my hands on, and occasionally indulge in some truly egregiously self-pitying acts of writing), I started doing far better than any therapy — or any talking-to-another-person full stop — has ever gotten me. (Mind you, I don't think this is what everybody needs. But that's the shape of the hole inside me, and there really isn't any realistic way for formal therapy to fill it.)
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Comment on A perfect example of what it means to be anti-racist in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThat's my guess as well. The tactic they used was extremely effective and well-coordinated without actually being escalatory in any way, and the MARTA police arrived so fast that someone must have...That's my guess as well. The tactic they used was extremely effective and well-coordinated without actually being escalatory in any way, and the MARTA police arrived so fast that someone must have called them in.
But from my perspective (as someone who had no idea what was going on), it was like guardian angels came down to possess a gaggle of random strangers and then left again. I wonder if those men had any idea what a supremely cool impression it left on me.
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Comment on A perfect example of what it means to be anti-racist in ~life
RoyalHenOil (edited )LinkThis reminds me of one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I grew up in Atlanta, and when I was in high school, I used to take MARTA (Atlanta's public transportation system) home after...This reminds me of one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
I grew up in Atlanta, and when I was in high school, I used to take MARTA (Atlanta's public transportation system) home after school.
When you regularly take public transportation, you kind of get to know the other commuters you're always crossing paths with. Even if you don't normally talk to each other, you still recognize each other, and you end up looking out for each other when something goes awry.
This doesn't happen so much when you're just a one-time stranger passing through.
One time, due to a bus mix up, I ended up at a train station I'd never been to before.
For context, this was before cell phones were common. Also for context, I was a 16-year-old white schoolgirl, and all of the other people on the platform at this particular station were Black and nearly all men. From my perspective, this was a completely normal demographic breakdown for a weekday afternoon (I rode MARTA all the time), but because I'd never been to this station, I probably stood out to the regular commuters. However, as is the norm at train stations, everyone on the platform ignored me completely.
But then a man approached me and started talking like we knew each other. His speech was very slurred and I couldn't actually understand what he was saying, so I was just nodding along to be polite and hoping the train would hurry up. I guess I agreed to something I didn't mean to, because then he took my hand and tried to lead me out of the station.
Without a word, about 10-ish men (a large chunk of the people waiting on the platform) all casually walked over and formed a physical wall between me and the man, all facing away from me toward him. He kept trying to push through them to get to me, but they didn't budge until the MARTA police showed up to usher him away. Then, without a single word to me or to each other, and without making any eye contact with me whatsoever, all the men in front of me dispersed back to their places on the platform and continued ignoring me as if nothing had happened at all.
It was such a coordinated action that it makes me think this wasn't the first time these specific individuals had done something like that. But from my perspective, it was utterly bizarre and kind of freakishly cool, like I'd just stepped into The Matrix or something.
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Comment on Summer blanket recommendations? in ~life.style
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThis is my preference as well. A loose-woven (or knitted or crochet) blanket, where there are noticeable gaps between the yarn — plus a flat sheet to spread out on top in case it gets a little...This is my preference as well. A loose-woven (or knitted or crochet) blanket, where there are noticeable gaps between the yarn — plus a flat sheet to spread out on top in case it gets a little chilly — is perfect.
I can't handle a comforter or duvet at all in the warmer months. But I'm a generally hot sleeper.
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Comment on The big little penis panic in ~life.men
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThis: I've only overheard two women talk like this, and they were women I already had a very low opinion of due to prior abusive behavior and tolerance of other people's abuse. I see all kinds of...This:
Every girlfriend I've had commented on it, and their exes in comparison, basically every hookup. I've seen my best buddy (who "isn't so lucky", but doesn't give a hoot himself) get mistreated by women over it...
I've only overheard two women talk like this, and they were women I already had a very low opinion of due to prior abusive behavior and tolerance of other people's abuse. I see all kinds of nonsense like this on the internet, but in real life, I have found this specific behavior to be very rare: much more rare than 10-15%. (My 10-15% estimate was for asshole behavior in general, not for any one specific behavior.)
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Comment on What did you do this week (and weekend)? in ~talk
RoyalHenOil (edited )LinkI have unexpectedly come into possession of a very large orchid (approximately 3 feet tall, wide, and deep). I am not an orchid person, so it took me a while to identify it: Dendrobium speciosum....I have unexpectedly come into possession of a very large orchid (approximately 3 feet tall, wide, and deep).
I am not an orchid person, so it took me a while to identify it: Dendrobium speciosum.
I'm now trying to figure out what to do with it. I'm not really in an appropriate climate for it (it doesn't like frost) and we're getting properly into winter now, so it's currently sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor while I try to come up with a way to overwinter it.
Part of what's tricky is that every care guide I've found for this orchid assumes it's potted. The plant I have is not potted — or if it is, the pot is buried so deep inside that it might as well not exist. This thing is just one amorphous mass of leaves, pseudobulbs, and aerial roots. The original owner had it hanging on a rope — which is now so thoroughly embedded inside the plant that there's no way to remove it without sawing the plant in half.
At this point, I'm thinking of setting up some kind of pulley system under our balcony so I can raise it up into an out-of-the-way sheltered position in frosty conditions and lower it into a sunny (but still hopefully out of the way) position when it's not frosty.
If I can get it through the winter, I can divide it into more manageable chunks in the spring and maybe sell or give some of them away. It's a pretty valuable plant.
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Comment on The big little penis panic in ~life.men
RoyalHenOil Link ParentWhat I mean is that if a woman is acting like an asshole, you can dump her and cut her out of your life. In my experience, a lot of people (both men and women) tolerate asshole behavior because...What I mean is that if a woman is acting like an asshole, you can dump her and cut her out of your life. In my experience, a lot of people (both men and women) tolerate asshole behavior because they have this idea that "that's just what men are like" or "that's just what women are like" because, for whatever reason (maybe it's the social circle they're in, or where they go to meet people to date, or the vibes they're giving off without realizing it, or something else), they're in a dating rut and keep finding themselves with people with the same personality flaws.
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Comment on What internet discussion sites remain? in ~tech
RoyalHenOil LinkIt's Australia-specific and mostly related to product reviews and practical advice, but I do enjoy the Whirlpool forums.It's Australia-specific and mostly related to product reviews and practical advice, but I do enjoy the Whirlpool forums.
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Comment on Demand is booming for new no tech, repairable tractor in ~transport
RoyalHenOil LinkWhen I worked on a commercial vegetable-breeding farm in Australia a few years ago, we were using a lot of older tractors, like vintage Lamborghinis. But we were breeding vegetables in small plots...When I worked on a commercial vegetable-breeding farm in Australia a few years ago, we were using a lot of older tractors, like vintage Lamborghinis. But we were breeding vegetables in small plots (an acre or two at most for our largest crops), rather than growing them at scale, so we didn't need a lot of the modern technology that most farmers now require.
Weirdly enough, we also used a whole lot of Victorian-era machinery — from tractor-pulled (originally horse-drawn) cast-iron seeders to massive wood-and-cast-iron, belt-driven seed-sorting behemoths we outfitted with modern motors. Modern technology just isn't built for the scale we were growing at. And many of our crops were so tiny, we were working them the really old-fashioned way (e.g., bouncing seeds on a tray to winnow them).
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Comment on Alternatives to a straw hat in ~life.style
RoyalHenOil Link ParentYeah, from what I've gathered, a major sunscreen testing lab in the UK (Princeton Consumer Research) was fabricating results — so a whole bunch of sunscreen manufacturers around the world that...Yeah, from what I've gathered, a major sunscreen testing lab in the UK (Princeton Consumer Research) was fabricating results — so a whole bunch of sunscreen manufacturers around the world that were trying to do the right thing and get their products tested by an independent party ended up releasing faulty products. Even nonprofits, like Cancer Council Australia, got stung.
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Comment on The big little penis panic in ~life.men
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentI'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that you're at fault for being mistreated. I was hoping to be encouraging — to say that you don't have to put up it. You can hold the women you date to a higher...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that you're at fault for being mistreated. I was hoping to be encouraging — to say that you don't have to put up it. You can hold the women you date to a higher standard and still have a very rich and varied dating life, if that's what you want.
For what it's worth, I've repeatedly given the same advice (and far more) to women in my life. Probably unsurprisingly, I actually have a lot more experience giving dating advice to women than to men. The exact same issues apply — including the problem that a whole lot of men actively avoid dating women who give the impression that they're attracted to assholes. (Which is very fair. Nobody wants to feel settled for.)
Why is it so hard for political parties in the UK to make more impactful changes?