RoyalHenOil's recent activity
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Comment on US households using Ozempic spend less on groceries in ~health
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Comment on ‘Sell America’ returns to Wall Street after Donald Trump ups the ante against Jerome Powell and the Federal Reserve in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI would imagine that by now, more cautious investors have already fled to greener pastures (or more golden pastures, as the case may be), so the US stock market may not be as responsive to bad...I would imagine that by now, more cautious investors have already fled to greener pastures (or more golden pastures, as the case may be), so the US stock market may not be as responsive to bad news as it once was.
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Comment on What are some stories of progressivism gone wrong in implementation? in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentCiswoman here. I'm also not too comfortable with "The Future is Female" either — but I'm not sure I'd be happy with any alternative name, either. I'm broadly pretty uncomfortable with anything...Ciswoman here. I'm also not too comfortable with "The Future is Female" either — but I'm not sure I'd be happy with any alternative name, either. I'm broadly pretty uncomfortable with anything that makes me feel too self-conscious of my gender when, in my opinion, that's way down the list of traits that make me me. I would stay far away from this program or any other like it.
If they implemented something like this at my workplace, even if I didn't join it, I'm not sure I'd really feel comfortable working there any longer. It would mean that gender is whole a thing now, and my bosses and likely a lot of my coworkers are now openly thinking about it and categorizing me by it.
I know everyone can see your gender and it's not exactly a secret, but to me, it's a little bit of a private matter — kind of like height or breast size: Yes, I know everyone can see it and probably has an opinion about it, but I'd rather not be constantly reminded of that, especially in what is meant to be a professional environment.
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Comment on What are some stories of progressivism gone wrong in implementation? in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI suspect I have ADHD (undiagnosed and untreated because I can't make myself jump through the required hoops). I'm more the hyperfocusing sort than the easily-distracted sort (I don't really...I suspect I have ADHD (undiagnosed and untreated because I can't make myself jump through the required hoops). I'm more the hyperfocusing sort than the easily-distracted sort (I don't really experience boredom or anything resembling internal "chatter" that a lot of people with ADHD describe), but it ultimately amounts to similar behavior: I have a hard time prioritizing.
I completely get why you don't understand it because I don't understand it myself. It feels like it should be easy to switch activities, but I just can't. It's like trying to move a paralyzed body part; you're firing all the right neurons, but nothing happens.
When I'm focused on Task A but know I need to switch to Task B, I can't stop thinking about Task A. They're basically intrusive thoughts that aren't under my conscious control. Even if I do successfully pull myself away from Task A, I can barely do Task B because I'm still thinking about Task A — and I'm feeling frazzled the whole time. But if I just give it to the hyperfocus and devote myself to Task A until it's complete, I feel great. I'm in the zone. It's better than meditation.
My hyperfocus can be a good thing. It means that whatever Task A is, I can fully immerse myself in it and do it exceptionally well. As a general rule, my employers love this about me and like assigning me all the weirdest, most complicated tasks because they know I won't take any shortcuts; I'm going to bash my head against the problem until it breaks. But I'm useless at anything that resembles multitasking because I end up obsessing over just one of the tasks (even if it's not that complex) and neglecting all the others.
I did very well in school and I do very well in the workplace (so long as my supervisors make good use of me), but my private life is a completely different matter. I have a hard time maintaining routines and establishing habits. I'm always neglecting the majority of household tasks and my personal needs; if I'm on a vacuuming kick, for example, the floor will be spotless, but everything else will be in shambles because all I can see is the floor.
One of the worst aspects of my hyperfocus is that it feeds into itself. For example, being sleep-deprived makes me far more likely to hyperfocus, and hyperfocusing makes me far more likely to experience insomnia. If I do break out of my hyperfocus tendencies, I can usually only maintain it for a week or so until, inevitably, something throws off the delicate balance. As soon as I eat something that doesn't sit well, get woken up in the middle of the night, have menstrual cramps, etc., I'm back to self-soothing by overthinking, and it's a lot of work to get myself back on track again.
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Comment on US voter opinions about inflation and consumer prices look very bad for Donald Trump in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentNot to mention how it affects his international goals, which seem to be a particular focus of his at the moment. Trump will have a harder time bullying other countries as their governments become...Not to mention how it affects his international goals, which seem to be a particular focus of his at the moment. Trump will have a harder time bullying other countries as their governments become increasingly confident that his threats and policies will likely be undone in short time.
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Comment on I feel that Destin (SmarterEveryDay on Youtube) is straying from the path in ~talk
RoyalHenOil LinkI grew up in the South (primarily Atlanta, but with early childhood in east Tennessee). I'm a second-generation atheist, raised in a very leftwing/hippy family who strongly eschew prescriptive...I grew up in the South (primarily Atlanta, but with early childhood in east Tennessee). I'm a second-generation atheist, raised in a very leftwing/hippy family who strongly eschew prescriptive gender norms and social hierarchies, but I have absolutely no qualms saying "sir" or "ma'am". I definitely don't say them where I live now (Australia) because I've never heard a single other person here use these terms, but whenever I'm visiting back home, I slip right back into saying "sir" and "ma'am" all over the place. I don't even think about it; it's just a dialect thing, like slipping back into your childhood accent.
However, there are very specific contexts where I use these terms. I would never address a friend or a family member with "sir" or "ma'am". I grew up using honorifics strictly for people I don't know well, and almost always in contexts where I want to demonstrate appreciation or admiration — for example, when addressing a waiter or a cashier who's serving me, or when speaking to a kind stranger. In these contexts, we're both calling each other by these honorifics (assuming they speak with the same dialect), and there's absolutely no implication of social hierarchy.
Where I live now, I've noticed that a lot of the locals (especially older women) say "darl" in the same contexts where I would say "sir" or "ma'am". I can't bring myself to say "darl" (it's just not a part of my lexicon at all), but I think it's sweet.
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Comment on Help me enjoy Baldur's Gate 3 in ~games
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIt might help to play as one of the Origin characters. They're all written with different personality flaws and quirks that might help you get more into the roleplay mindset. It's easier to keep...It might help to play as one of the Origin characters. They're all written with different personality flaws and quirks that might help you get more into the roleplay mindset. It's easier to keep your character's unique perspective in mind when the game is constantly reinforcing it in cutscenes and dialogue options.
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Comment on Indie Game Awards rescinds Clair Obscur's GOTY wins over use of generative AI [for now-removed background assets] in ~games
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI've never heard of a definition of generative AI that didn't include LLMs. Is this how people are using the term now? If so, it must be a very new change. Wikipedia still lists LLM-generated...I've never heard of a definition of generative AI that didn't include LLMs. Is this how people are using the term now? If so, it must be a very new change. Wikipedia still lists LLM-generated software code as an example of gen AI.
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Comment on Fifteen killed in shooting targeting Jewish community at Australia's Bondi Beach, police say in ~news
RoyalHenOil Link ParentTwo other victims were Boris Gurman (retired mechanic) and Sofia Gurman (postal worker), a married couple who willingly gave their lives trying to disarm one of the gunmen. Although they didn't...Two other victims were Boris Gurman (retired mechanic) and Sofia Gurman (postal worker), a married couple who willingly gave their lives trying to disarm one of the gunmen. Although they didn't succeed, they did slow the gunman down and likely saved a number of lives.
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Comment on Experiences with foster system and support for removed relatives in ~life
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentThank you. It's possible that someone did tell me something along those lines, but I didn't understand it. I was really, really young. In my case, the accusation wasn't made out of spite. It was a...Thank you. It's possible that someone did tell me something along those lines, but I didn't understand it. I was really, really young.
In my case, the accusation wasn't made out of spite. It was a misunderstanding of something I'd said, made by a very young and inexperienced daycare worker. Unfortunately, she contacted the police instead of DFACS directly, and the police took me without any investigation whatsoever (they didn't ask me anything, didn't call my parents, etc.). They just picked me up in all of 5 minutes and dropped me off at DFACS — probably assuming that DFACS would have me back in my home that night if there wasn't any merit to the case.
If the daycare worker had contacted DFACS instead, I think they would have at least interviewed me and my parents before they did anything else. But once I was already in their care, I suspect there was a lot of red tape involved in getting me back home, and the overloaded/underfunded juvenile court system didn't work in our favor. (It also didn't help that one of my case workers was actively working against reunification, including lying to my parents about things I'd said to turn them against each other and withholding evidence from my parents' lawyer as long as she possibly could during the discovery phase of the hearings. Once the lawyer finally got the evidence and presented it to the judge, he ordered me out of foster care and into family care that day. But it took months.)
As much as I sometimes want to pin all the blame on someone, there weren't actually any bad actors (except, arguably, that one caseworker — but I'm sure even she had good intentions and thought she was protecting me from an abusive home). It was just a flawed system that wasn't designed to handle false positives elegantly.
But there are a few good things that came of it:
I have an extremely close relationship to my parents and my extended family. I never took them for granted, not even during the worst parts of my teen years, and they likewise never took me for granted. I got a ton of emotional support that I think very few kids get. I really couldn't ask for a better family.
It also made my parents' relationship a lot stronger (in the "if we can get through this, we can get through anything" sense), which I think helped them a lot later on, when my little brother got sick and died. My parents have admitted to me that before I was taken, they had been drifting apart and becoming more career-focused, but this event shook through out of complacency and made them refocus on what matters most.
I think it's also made me more emotionally robust in certain ways. I do still live with regret and trauma (in particular, accidentally consuming media about children losing their parents can really ruin my week), but I also have this general sense that the worst that will ever happen to me has almost certainly already happened (knock on wood, lol). It feels like I can survive anything now, and (a few trauma quirks aside) I think I might be one of the happiest and most emotionally resilient people I know. It was a short period of extremely intense stress, but it was bookended by years of unbounded love and support, and I think that might be the best case scenario in some ways: it's like foster care calibrated my brain to see "normal" as "fucking fantastic", while the overarching pattern of my childhood helped me develop good coping mechanisms and a really strong sense of self-esteem.
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Comment on Experiences with foster system and support for removed relatives in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThis is spot on, at least from my own anecdotal experiences. Another thing to be aware of: anyone who has custody of the child may be under strict protocols as well. In my case, nobody was allowed...This is spot on, at least from my own anecdotal experiences.
Parents are often required to follow very specific and restraining protocols after removal...
Another thing to be aware of: anyone who has custody of the child may be under strict protocols as well. In my case, nobody was allowed to tell me any details about why I'd been taken into custody because it could affect my testimony (I was made to testify against my parents).
I can't speak for foster children in general, but for me personally, the dearth of information was one of the biggest and most lasting sources of trauma.
When I saw my parents during visitations, I would beg them to take me home with them, but they were required to refuse and not tell me why. I was just a little kid who'd never heard of child abuse or foster care before, so I assumed they simply didn't want me anymore and had given me away.
My foster parents were similarly barred from telling me anything, no matter how much I cried or screamed. The lack of communication about what was happening to me was my biggest temper tantrum trigger, and it was particularly severe in the week following visitations with my parents.
My two foster families had very different methods for dealing with my temper tantrums (timeouts with one, corporal punishment with the other), but these methods only made my tantrums worse because they heightened my frustration and did nothing to address the root problem — that I had no idea what was happening or why. But they were legally barred from saying anything that could help me, and I imagine they were supremely frustrated themselves and at the end of their rope. They weren't bad parents — both families had biological children of their own, who they had very strong and healthy relationships with — but the system was more or less set up against them.
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Comment on Experiences with foster system and support for removed relatives in ~life
RoyalHenOil (edited )LinkI can't offer any advice, but I do have experience from the other side of the equation. I was wrongfully placed in foster care when I was a small child. I ended up in two different foster families...- Exemplary
I can't offer any advice, but I do have experience from the other side of the equation. I was wrongfully placed in foster care when I was a small child. I ended up in two different foster families (a few months with each), then I was placed with extended family for two years before I finally got to live with my real parents again.
Without knowing any details about the case, I think it's reasonably likely that the child in question will ultimately end up with their family again. In addition to myself, I know two other people who were placed in foster care, and they eventually got to return to their families as well. Granted, in my case, there was no evidence of abuse or neglect of any type (other than a false accusation); it just took a long time for the case to work through the court system. I should not have been taken at all before any kind of investigation took place, but for some reason I was.
In the other two cases, I suspect there was some initial investigation (following accusations of neglect), but I'm not sure about the details. I do know that a judge ultimately ordered the children to be reunited with their families, though. I also know that the children went into regular foster care (not placed with extended family) and had a really terrible time of it.
My own experience with foster care was, by far and away, the most traumatizing experience of my life even though it was only a few months. It still deeply affects me nearly four decades later, and I don't think I'll ever fully recover from it. I have been through a number of tough experiences (most notably, my brother's death and an abusive relationship that I ultimately went into hiding and left the country to escape), but foster care was far more traumatic.
On the other hand, living with extended family was wonderful, and I've stayed very close to that side of my family ever since. Based on my experiences, I would strongly urge you to do this if it's feasible. It could make such a huge, huge difference to this child's life.
Just be aware that they are likely to be traumatized by the experience — at least for a young child, being seized from your family is a far more horrible experience than I could possibly describe to someone who's never gone through it — and they may have behavioral issues even in the best case scenario (I had severe temper tantrums, got held back a grade due to excessive crying in school, and had to go to weekly therapy for years).
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Comment on Divinity | World premiere trailer from The Game Awards 2025 in ~games
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIt's the same for me. I find D:OS2 a lot more gut-wrenching than BG3 (almost verging on being a psychological horror game), and I really appreciated that they intermixed it with humor to...It's the same for me. I find D:OS2 a lot more gut-wrenching than BG3 (almost verging on being a psychological horror game), and I really appreciated that they intermixed it with humor to counterbalance the writing. It might have been too heavy-going for me otherwise — and I say that as a huge horror fan.
BG3's lore and writing are much lighter and optimistic (at least from what I saw in my playthrough), and BG3 didn't really need the comic relief.
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Comment on Sick of smart TVs? Here are your best options. in ~tech
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI looked into doing this, but it was very difficult to find any TV reviews that would tell me which TVs don't have any ads, prompts, etc. when they aren't connected to the Internet. I am also...I looked into doing this, but it was very difficult to find any TV reviews that would tell me which TVs don't have any ads, prompts, etc. when they aren't connected to the Internet.
I am also really picky about interfaces. I don't want my TV to have a GUI — I just want to plug things in and have them work immediately without any overlay or input — but I couldn't find any reviews on that, either.
So instead I got a dumb TV (marketed as a computer monitor for some reason) and I'm extremely happy with it.
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Comment on I fixed my lactose intolerance -- by chugging all the lactose in ~health
RoyalHenOil Link ParentFor me, the more pure or concentrated the lactose is, the more trouble it gives me. Consuming dairy on an empty stomach (e.g., first thing in the morning) is far worse than on a full stomach...For me, the more pure or concentrated the lactose is, the more trouble it gives me. Consuming dairy on an empty stomach (e.g., first thing in the morning) is far worse than on a full stomach (e.g., for dessert after dinner). And skim milk is worse than whole milk, which is worse than cheese, and so on.
All that being said, really fatty/oily foods can give me digestive issues with similar symptoms to lactose intolerance. Even before I became lactose intolerant, dishes with too much cheese or butter could give me stomach cramps. But this also applies to dairy-free oils and fats (too much greasy fried food, salad dressing, etc).
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Comment on Bill Gates warns child deaths to rebound after Donald Trump-era funding cuts in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI don't know the exact details of the work he does. However, it seems pretty likely to me that he and other people involved in similar charities attend events with very specific goals in mind — to...I don't know the exact details of the work he does. However, it seems pretty likely to me that he and other people involved in similar charities attend events with very specific goals in mind — to get to funding to help these very specific people facing this very specific problem (e.g., getting shipments of medication to a region that's just suffered a disease outbreak).
It's hard to balance hypothetical future unknowns against very real people who will die right now if you don't get them help straight away. That's pretty standard human empathy. If you work in an ER, you save the life that's in front of you; you don't wonder if saving this patient might inadvertently cause more deaths in the long run.
I'm not saying we should never sacrifice someone else's life for a principle. Rationally, that is sometimes necessary. But on a personal level, I do not trust anyone who could sleep soundly after making a decision like that.
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Comment on Bill Gates warns child deaths to rebound after Donald Trump-era funding cuts in ~society
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIf you had to make a choice between attending a Trump event and several children dying, which would you choose? I'm not sure that I could justify skipping the dinner if I knew it would result in...If you had to make a choice between attending a Trump event and several children dying, which would you choose?
I'm not sure that I could justify skipping the dinner if I knew it would result in someone's death. I would spend the rest of my life wondering where they would be now if I'd made a different choice.
I'm all for standing on principle. I think it's important to do, even when you have to make big sacrifices for it. But to sacrifice someone else's life for it? I couldn't live with myself afterwards, and I don't think I can trust anyone who could.
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Comment on Do you feel like you’ve had many lives so far? Why, why not? Which? in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIt was a very welcoming environment to grow up in. At that time, there was a huge diversity of immigrants (it still has a lot of immigrants, but not from nearly as many different countries today...It was a very welcoming environment to grow up in. At that time, there was a huge diversity of immigrants (it still has a lot of immigrants, but not from nearly as many different countries today as back then), and there was no one dominant culture or ethnicity. Everyone was a fish out of water, and it made everyone generally very tolerant and welcoming. I found it easy to make friends in school because no one really cares about your weird personality, your religion (or in my case, lack of religion), your family income, your accent, etc., when they all stick out just as much as you do.
Despite the poverty and the high crime rate (or possibly because of them), it was the sort of place where all parents collectively kept an eye on all kids. It felt almost like living with an (extremely) extended family. I could walk down the street to various apartment buildings, and if there were kids outside playing (even if I didn't know those kids), the assorted mothers watching them would make sure I was fed and that I got home safely. When I walked home from school, I'd pass by the same houses and apartments every day, and if I was sick and missed a day, strangers I'd never exchanged a word with would come out to ask (usually in very limited English I could barely understand) where I'd been and if I was okay.
Culturally, it was a really fun area to grow up. All the signs were in different languages, I grew up eating so many different exotic foods that I really miss now, I got to see and participate in so many different holidays and traditions, etc. It was just really vibrant without being pretentious or gatekeepery in any way. (The area has since gentrified and the culture feels really forced/performative now, but in the 90s, it was wasn't trying to be cool; it just was cool all by itself.)
I was a really outdoorsy kind of kid, and it was fantastic for that, too. There were tons of abandoned lots and buildings to explore (including a farm with barns/sheds and an abandoned mall, which today is the extremely popular Plaza Fiesta). It's a warm, rainy climate where trees and shrubs grow explosively, so it was like a jungle — and because it was so thoroughly neglected by local government, there were endless alien kudzu landscapes to explore. I often spent all day getting lost in the woods, catching minnows in creeks, playing on abandoned playgrounds covered in vines and big threes growing through the monkey bars, etc. — all while see skyscrapers through the breaks in the canopy. To a kid like me, it was magical.
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Comment on Do you feel like you’ve had many lives so far? Why, why not? Which? in ~life
RoyalHenOil LinkI've had a few. Some highlights: Early childhood running around barefoot in Appalachia (rural east Tennessee). Later childhood living in a very low-income, high-gang-activity neighborhood of...I've had a few. Some highlights:
- Early childhood running around barefoot in Appalachia (rural east Tennessee).
- Later childhood living in a very low-income, high-gang-activity neighborhood of Atlanta in the 90s (the famous Buford Highway Corridor). I loved the crap out of it.
- Teenage years attending a well-to-do high school for gifted students in south Atlanta, where I was both "the poor kid" and "the white girl" (one of just two non-Black girls in the school of ~1800 students).
- Rocky Horror. So much Rocky Horror. I attended over 300 theater viewings, most of them as a performer.
- Five years trapped in a miserable relationship I couldn't get out of. I basically had to "disappear" myself to get away, ultimately landing me in my current and longest-lasting life so far:
- Thirteen years living on an 80-acre farm in Australia. And despite being not much bigger than my high school (~2700 people), my nearest town is somehow a major LGBT mecca.
Despite all of that, I've never really felt like I've changed much as a person. My interests and personality have stayed pretty steady, all in all.
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Comment on The best games of 2025, picked by NPR's staff in ~games
RoyalHenOil LinkOh, it's nifty that The Drifter made the list! That's a pretty obscure (but very good) game made by a friend of my partner's.Oh, it's nifty that The Drifter made the list! That's a pretty obscure (but very good) game made by a friend of my partner's.
There can also be a biological component to it.
To give a (somewhat odd) anecdotal example, I have two dogs who have very different reactions to stress, like visiting the vet or a stranger knocking on the door. One of them is soothed by being petted/held, while the other is soothed by food. If I soothe them the wrong way, they will continue to freak out. Both dogs are the same breed, from the same breeder, and both raised together the same way, yet they have entirely different mechanisms for coping with stress.