palimpsest's recent activity
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Comment on Extraverted introverts, cautious risk-takers, and selfless narcissists: A demonstration of why you can’t trust data collected on MTurk in ~science
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Comment on Extraverted introverts, cautious risk-takers, and selfless narcissists: A demonstration of why you can’t trust data collected on MTurk in ~science
palimpsest LinkAbsolutely not surprised. I don't trust studies using MTurk - I think it's lazy research. However, I do want to say that 'I like order' and 'I crave chaos' can coexist. I personally like order,...Absolutely not surprised. I don't trust studies using MTurk - I think it's lazy research.
However, I do want to say that 'I like order' and 'I crave chaos' can coexist. I personally like order, but I also crave chaos. :D
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Comment on How are you dealing with inflation regarding everyday enjoyment? in ~life
palimpsest LinkI've always been frugal as an adult because I was either broke as hell, saving up for an apartment, or paying off a mortgage. I'm still doing that last one, but at least my wages have gone up a...I've always been frugal as an adult because I was either broke as hell, saving up for an apartment, or paying off a mortgage. I'm still doing that last one, but at least my wages have gone up a bit during the past few years, otherwise I'd be seriously struggling. So not a lot has changed, really!
The main impact is that I'm going out way less, and when I do, I go to specific places that I know are affordable. I live in a city that's only recently become a tourist destination, so a lot of places where I used to go often are now best avoided, since their prices went up both due to inflation and because tourists go there. The only exception is one beer garden with really great beer, but even that's become more of a treat and less of my usual go-to destination that it was before. I also stopped ordering out almost entirely - during the lockdowns, I'd order out up to three times per week, but now the prices have become ridiculous. For that amount of money, I'd rather go sit down at a restaurant.
Inflation also contributed to me changing the way I exercise. The main reason was injury, but once it healed, I saw how expensive the classes at my pole dance studio were and decided not to go back for now. I did Cuban salsa for a while, which was half the price and came with a ton of free events, but now I'm mostly just doing running (both by myself and with a free running group) and longboard dance, where the only expense is the gear. I do miss the body weight exercise aspect of pole dance, but I've made peace with the fact that I'm in my cardio era, and I've been curious about calisthenics for a while so I can always try that.
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Comment on What's something you've been mulling over recently? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentHey, thank you so much for telling me about your experience and for being honest. Both me and my SO are forgetful people (I'm extra forgetful when stressed out), so I can see this being a source...Hey, thank you so much for telling me about your experience and for being honest. Both me and my SO are forgetful people (I'm extra forgetful when stressed out), so I can see this being a source of extra anxiety!
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Comment on What's something you've been mulling over recently? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentHey, thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it. In a lot of ways, your post actually makes me feel better, because there was nothing in there that made me say oh shit,...Hey, thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it. In a lot of ways, your post actually makes me feel better, because there was nothing in there that made me say oh shit, I didn't think about that at all (other than worrying about school shotings - I'm in Europe and hopefully won't get to the point where I need to worry about that too).
Some things that I'm cautiously optimistic about: I'm the primary earner in the household and my partner would love being a stay-at-home dad, but his work is so flexible that even if he remains employed, he could spend a lot more time at home with kids than is the norm. At the same time, my own mother was so incredibly anxious that I really want to be mindful of not passing that on to my children like she did to me.
I also really don't want to be just a mum - I admire my cousin who has had three kids and is still very involved with her hobbies. When I said that the future looks kinda pointless, I meant more in the sense that it's not leading towards anything. I have my little hobbies and interests, but there's no great sense of purpose behind them, and I'd like to see if there's something more to life other than this and the daily grind.
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Comment on What's something you've been mulling over recently? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentThank you for the encouragement! Honestly, it's hugely helpful just listening to people's experiences.Thank you for the encouragement! Honestly, it's hugely helpful just listening to people's experiences.
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Comment on What's something you've been mulling over recently? in ~talk
palimpsest LinkWhether I want to have kids or not. I always thought I didn't want them, in part due to horror stories of childbirth and raising babies/toddlers, but now everyone around me is having kids and the...Whether I want to have kids or not. I always thought I didn't want them, in part due to horror stories of childbirth and raising babies/toddlers, but now everyone around me is having kids and the vast majority of them are doing just fine. (Then again, the very few who have children with chronic health problems have had their lives completely upended, and you can never know if that's gonna be you.) I like kids in all their stages as long as they're not shrieking (noise sensitivity, I get it with other things as well and it makes me want to go insane). But then again, I lived next door to a colicky baby who spent a whole year screaming their poor lungs out, and I survived.
I'm 34, so I don't have that long to decide. I literally never had a strong desire to have a child. I also live in a studio apartment (can't afford anything bigger due to the housing crisis), am prone to anxiety when stressed out, I like my own space, and hate hate hate the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. I'm not close with my family, my partner's family is on another continent (he doesn't want to move back) and while my friends are nice, they're all childfree and wouldn't be able to help out much.
On the other hand - I know I'd be a good mom. I like caring for people and I did a lot of thinking/reading about parenting, mostly because my own parents were not exactly great. I'm the kind of person who reads all the books and does the research and always tries to do what is best, even if it's uncomfortable for me. My child would be so loved! (Unless I develop some mental issues, which I do low-key worry about.) And this is just from my side - my partner is loving and dedicated and I know he'd love to have a family (but he also knows how much I struggle with this, so he doesn't really talk about it).
So I have a ton of various fears and anxieties over the whole thing, and no big desire to have a kid. But everyone says it's the greatest thing ever, and my future looks kinda empty and pointless. Which sound like the worst reasons to have a child! So far, I'm giving myself time while also taking steps towards more stability (looking into buying a bigger apartment, primarily) and really, really thinking about everything. But honestly, I just wish I had either a strong desire or strong repulsion towards the whole thing!
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Comment on What's something you've been mulling over recently? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentI agree that it's probably anxiety. I often get the same before a trip - fixated on some detail, maybe even starting to feel kinda meh about the whole thing. Then I go and it's a blast. Like the...I agree that it's probably anxiety. I often get the same before a trip - fixated on some detail, maybe even starting to feel kinda meh about the whole thing. Then I go and it's a blast.
Like the other person in the responses, I always come overprepared for a flight, and then I never use a single thing I brought. On long (10+ hr) flights, I mostly watch movies on the in-flight tablet, read, and listen to music. Every single time I tried gaming on a handheld I gave up after half an hour or so. The vibes are just not right for me. I did play a bunch of simple mobile/PC games though (I have fond memories of playing FTL on one flight; on a different one, it was Reigns on my phone).
If I were you, I'd bring just the laptop with some games that can run on it, something that doesn't require complex controls. If you really want to bring a handheld, bring the one you'll miss the least if it gets lost or stolen.
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Comment on You don't need to document everything in ~tech
palimpsest LinkI'm gonna come in with a 'Yes, but' - I agree that it's important to enjoy the moment and take photos/videos in moderation. But I have a terrible visual recollection of things. I remember events...I'm gonna come in with a 'Yes, but' - I agree that it's important to enjoy the moment and take photos/videos in moderation. But I have a terrible visual recollection of things. I remember events in vague shapes and feelings, and having a photo to look at really helps me pull it all together.
Then again, I also print out the photos I take as polaroids and stickers, so they're not just languishing on my phone. But I'm not gonna begrudge anyone taking pics and videos if they want to.
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Comment on How are you using Intermittent Reward? (and why you should think about trying it) in ~talk
palimpsest LinkThis sounds interesting, but not sure if it would work for me personally. I find that rewarding only works to motivate me to a limited extent. The issue is that rewards are often not 100% a good...This sounds interesting, but not sure if it would work for me personally. I find that rewarding only works to motivate me to a limited extent. The issue is that rewards are often not 100% a good thing - they cost money (buying myself something really nice), take up space (buying myself something small and cute that I don't really need), or undermine my efforts at good habits (eat something sweet). If I try to reward myself with experiences, it feels wrong - I shouldn't have to do tasks to go for a nice lunch or have a spa day once in a while, especially not while I'm stressed out from work as it is.
It's a problem - sometimes even when I want to treat myself, I forget or it doesn't work out or it's too much of a hassle. The other day I went to buy myself a nice notebook as a treat, and I ended up buying nothing because I don't actually need a notebook and none of the ones on offer were nice enough to convince me otherwise. So I think maybe the rewards system just isn't for me.
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Comment on What's something about your lived experience you wished people understood, but rarely do? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentI think that unfortunately, these go hand in hand. As an atheist*, it seems to me that a lot of religions these days are just about a) being right and b) hating on everyone who is not like you....I just want to say that I’m sick of all the hate in the world directed both at and by religious people.
I think that unfortunately, these go hand in hand. As an atheist*, it seems to me that a lot of religions these days are just about a) being right and b) hating on everyone who is not like you. What you said about being a Christian is super nice, but you have to admit that in general, both IRL and online, this is not what Christianity these days seems to be about. I hate to say it, but for a lot of people, being religious just means being a bigot.
That said, I do agree that people should keep it in mind that just because someone is religious, it doesn't mean that they're the same as every other religious person, or that they support people of the same faith who do/say terrible things.
* I was raised atheist in a mostly Catholic country, and while I think the Catholic Church is a travesty, I do believe Jesus had the right idea about loving your fellow man, not hating on those different than yourself, being tolerant, helping the sick and the poor, and not amassing large fortunes.
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Comment on Denmark's tough laws on begging hit Roma women with few other options – the Roma minority are heavily discriminated against across Europe in ~life.women
palimpsest LinkI read this article yesterday and man, I don't know. On the one hand, I think it's much too harsh to send people in prison for selling homeless magazines in front of grocery stores. I also find it...- Exemplary
I read this article yesterday and man, I don't know.
On the one hand, I think it's much too harsh to send people in prison for selling homeless magazines in front of grocery stores. I also find it pretty horrific that a pregnant woman can't get proper prenatal care just because she's an immigrant.
On the other, this seems to be a disabled woman who moved to Denmark specifically to beg, who is pregnant with her fifth child while already unable to provide for the four children she has. This doesn't sit well with me, and I think it's wrong to point a finger at Denmark for not accommodating her. I think a bigger focus should be on Romania and the way social support systems work here, but also on the Roma culture and the way it often clashes with other cultures. Why did this disabled woman have to move to another country to try and sustain her family? Between the help of her parents and the government, why can't she survive without having to beg on the streets of a foreign country? I don't really think there's a good reason for her to be in Denmark, and I don't think it's up to Denmark to fix her situation.
I'll also offer another perspective: I live in a central European town. We have our own homeless population that mostly gets along well with the rest of the locals - they're not violent people and I think we all understand that they're just down on their luck, for one reason or another. A lot of them sell the homeless newspaper, and I often buy it (although I do mind if they come begging while I'm eating or drinking outside with friends, but that's off-topic already). However, especially in the warmer months, we get an influx of beggars who don't speak the language and look visibly foreign. They don't really talk but tend to be more intrusive when begging, take over spots that the local homeless people frequent otherwise, and don't respect the overall 'code of conduct' that the local homeless have. They all appear at the same time and disappear just as suddenly a few weeks later, and we're all fairly convinced that this is organised begging where they get driven in by someone who is probably taking a cut of the money. Even if not, they're taking resources away from the local homeless in need, as well as making life harder for them. I don't know what the answer is here, but I do think this kind of 'seasonal' begging should be discouraged.
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Comment on What watch do you wear daily? in ~hobbies
palimpsest LinkCurrently, a Garmin Venu 2S that I bought myself as an early birthday gift. I got into running again and have been running regularly for over 2 months now, and I wanted more fitness tracking but...Currently, a Garmin Venu 2S that I bought myself as an early birthday gift. I got into running again and have been running regularly for over 2 months now, and I wanted more fitness tracking but not a ton of bells and whistles.
Before, I wore a Cluse CL30057 for spring/summer (very cheap but also fun and trendy, and surprisingly reliable) and a Skagen SKW2490 for autumn/winter (simple but elegant enough for work etc.).
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Comment on What makes you chew fire? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentDA:O was my favourite ever game for a long, long time, and I actually liked Inquisition a lot (and I even warmed up to DA:2 after a while). But even I stopped following the news about DA:4. It's...DA:O was my favourite ever game for a long, long time, and I actually liked Inquisition a lot (and I even warmed up to DA:2 after a while). But even I stopped following the news about DA:4. It's just not worth it.
I'm playing Baldur's Gate 3 now and it kinda fills the same niche, and it's helping me mourn the Dragon Age franchise a little bit. But man, fuck EA. They ruin everything they touch.
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Comment on My marriage is non-monogamous, and I am considering approaching a friend to propose a relationship with him. I would appreciate some advice from monogamous people (and reasonable people in general.) in ~life
palimpsest Link ParentHeyy, I'm so glad to hear it went well! Best of luck to you. I hope that whatever follows leads to you guys having a great time in one form or another. :)Heyy, I'm so glad to hear it went well! Best of luck to you. I hope that whatever follows leads to you guys having a great time in one form or another. :)
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Comment on How do you date? in ~talk
palimpsest Link ParentHaha, I think it depends from person to person. For the first question, it's things like - does it look like we can cohabit? To what extent do they fit what I'm looking for in a partner? In the...Haha, I think it depends from person to person. For the first question, it's things like - does it look like we can cohabit? To what extent do they fit what I'm looking for in a partner? In the initial stages of dating, everything is exciting and everyone is trying to show their best side at all times, so sometimes when this time passes, you realise that the other person might not be that interesting, or not that interested in you, or they said they wanted something but it's starting to look like they might not, etc. I don't think this depends on just hours spent together, but it happens over a set time of knowing a person - of course, if you only hang out with them 3 hours a month, it's gonna be different than hanging out with them 3 hours a week, but I don't think there's a significant difference in the process if you see them every day vs. every two days. It's also faster if you know a person from before, etc.
(Also, for me, one date with someone I'm already interested in would probably be anywhere between 2 and 5 hours, and that's if no one stays over at the other's place - I can't imagine having a 30 minute date with someone unless it's going very badly!)
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Comment on How do you date? in ~talk
palimpsest LinkContext: I'm in my mid-30s, previously divorced (amicably - we weren't compatible as life partners but we're still close friends), now in a long-term relationship with a man I met on Tinder....Context: I'm in my mid-30s, previously divorced (amicably - we weren't compatible as life partners but we're still close friends), now in a long-term relationship with a man I met on Tinder. Meeting him was a complete fluke, I think that dating apps are terrible, and I wouldn't do Tinder again to go on dates (I thought Bumble was kinda OK, I never tried any other ones). I dated both men and women in the past.
- I usually know if I'm attracted to a person fairly quickly. For me, it's rarely (just) about the looks, but more their personality, sense of humor etc. For my current partner, I knew on the first date that I wanted to get to know him better, but I've also had relationships where I was friends with the other person first and my feelings changed over time.
- For a first date, I just ask them out for drinks. I've done primarily online dating in adulthood and I find that this is a much better way to get to know someone than texting or looking at their dating profile. All these first date ideas like doing an art class or an escape room or whatever feel very gimmicky to me - I'm not looking to impress them with my creativity, I want to get a feeling for them as a person. If we like each other, then we can go on more dates to more imaginative places. But then again, for these later dates, it really depends on what the other person likes and what we have in common.
- This is a really complicated question! When I was younger, I thought every relationship had to be ride or die, together forever kinda thing, so I was 100% invested in long-term dating everyone. When I got divorced, I swung the other way a bit, and was really reluctant to commit to anything because I wanted to be sure that I wasn't going to get burnt again. It made for a rocky start with my current partner, because he was planning to move away for work and was also not very eager to commit to a long-term relationship. But I can say that I knew I wanted to date him long term after a few months of hanging out. He did end up moving away, and we had a weird few years between the pandemic and the long distance; we even broke up for a while. In the end, I worked on myself a lot to discover what I really wanted from a partner and a relationship, and he made some pretty significant sacrifices to live with me. Turns that once you're committed to each other, it gets a lot easier. Before, every small issue felt like a big threat to our relationship, but now it's comforting to know that a) ultimately, he's the kind of person I want by my side, even if he puts groceries away in stupid places and nags me about doing the dishes, and b) he wants to have me in his life and supports me in everything I do even though I'm annoying sometimes and don't do the dishes regularly, lol.
- Both! In real life, it was either people who were already my friends or people who I got to know through some shared experience (at a concert, convention, trip, dance class). I can tell you that for some reason, the cuban salsa classes where I live are full of late 20s-mid 30s singles. You get the feeling for who likes you really quickly, and if I were interested, it would be super easy to ask someone out, say, for a drink after class. For apps, see my answer re: dates - it's a bit weirder at first, but not that different after a date or two.
- For me, compatibility in values is by far the most important, and of course I have to like the other person for who they are. On the first date, what matters most is if I'm enjoying myself and if there's any kind of chemistry at all (and this is really hard to define precisely, as it's a combo of everything, from looks to personality to humor). I've had dates with hot people who were as interesting as a brick wall, and with people who were not at all conventionally attractive but were passionate and intelligent and made me laugh, and who I went on to date longer-term. People's main values are usually clear even before you meet them for the first time (or at the very least, after the first few dates), and then over the next few months as I get to know a person, it becomes fairly obvious if we're compatible long term and if I'm interested.
- Honestly, I think I have it figured out pretty well. The big two things I've learned: don't get attached to somebody just because they like you; and don't waste time on people that don't seem to be compatible with you. I still have a hard time with this last one, because I always want to give everyone a 2nd chance (since things don't always translate well in texts, or when you're nervous on a first date), but 99% of time, I was right about the person the first time around.
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Comment on CMV: Once civilization is fully developed, life will be unfulfilling and boring. Humanity is also doomed to go extinct. These two reasons make life not worth living. in ~talk
palimpsest LinkIf we assume that both statements are 100% true (which is already debatable), your conclusion is still wrong. Maybe if humanity was a single organism that only strived towards improvement and an...If we assume that both statements are 100% true (which is already debatable), your conclusion is still wrong. Maybe if humanity was a single organism that only strived towards improvement and an eternity of bliss, then you could say that if this is unachievable, the existence of humanity is not worth it. But since this is not what we are, it makes no sense.
I, and probably 99% of other people, will never significantly contribute to the improvement of our species. I'm not likely to have children, so the longevity of humanity doesn't have much to do with me either. And those are not even some sacred goals of humanity, just two things that you personally find important. So when you strip that away, what's left is the fact that you're here and have a life, and there is so much to experience in it. You personally can never "read every book, watch every movie, play every game, eat at every restaurant, lay on every beach,
swim in every sea" - in fact, you might have to work hard to even do just a few of each.You're never gonna see humanity go extinct or languish in boredom, and from what we've seen of humanity so far, this latter scenario seems very unlikely anyway. You're here for a limited amount of time and only once. So while you could say oh, then it's not worth it at all, I think if you move the scope from humanity/eternity to individual/lifetime, you'll find that the situation is entirely different and comes with its own set of challenges and questions.
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Comment on Eye glasses, especially myopia - what's real what's myth? in ~life
palimpsest LinkYou got a lot of answers about how myopia develops, glasses etc., so my answer will be a bit more from the practical side. I started needing glasses for myopia when I was 10, but only really...You got a lot of answers about how myopia develops, glasses etc., so my answer will be a bit more from the practical side.
I started needing glasses for myopia when I was 10, but only really started wearing them when I was 18 and needed them to drive. I started wearing contacts pretty soon after that, but by my mid-20s, I was already sick of them - they would dry my eyes out, they were sometimes uncomfortable, they could get expensive etc. I switched from monthlies to dailies to wear just for sports, and finally stopped wearing them altogether when I stopped doing the kind of sports where your glasses can fall off easily.
In my early to mid 20s, my myopia stabilised and my vision stopped deteriorating. This seems to be a common experience and at least where I live, they won't let you have any kind of corrective surgery until your vision has been stable for a few years (I think it's something like 3+ years). When I was 30, I had a PRK surgery, which is similar to LASIK, but I decided for it over LASIK because it looks like it's safer in the long run. I went from -3 in both eyes to perfect vision, and was surprised to discover that I now get much less glare at night. I have to use eye drops at night still, but apparently this is a relatively rare side effect that I was unlucky enough to get. It doesn't really bother me. I was told that with age, I might need reading glasses, because of the way our eyes change as we age.
My experience (and the experience of my friends who all also have myopia) is that once you're out of your teens, myopia is not such a big deal anymore. Your vision stabilises, you get used to your preferred vision correction method (glasses or contacts), and if you want to, you can get surgery. My cousin got LASIK 15 years ago and she still has perfect vision; she originally had something like -8 prescription with strong astigmatism. My dad had surgery (lens replacement) at 55 to correct both near- and far-sightedness. It's really come a long way.
That said, what helped me the most when I was a kid with myopia was my parents' willingness to let me wear contacts. When I was a teenager, I found glasses annoying and I didn't like wearing them. I loved the option of contact lenses both for my self esteem and for practical reasons.
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Comment on “Both-sides” and when is nuance acceptable discourse? in ~talk
palimpsest LinkI think a good way to look at it is to evaluate what the sides are. There are definitely situations where a look at both sides is warranted, because someone is being severely negatively impacted...I think a good way to look at it is to evaluate what the sides are. There are definitely situations where a look at both sides is warranted, because someone is being severely negatively impacted by something (e.g., a new factory is being built that will bring a lot of new jobs, but it will also disrupt the local residents with noise/pollution etc.), especially if the goal is to have a compromise. But with some other situations, it's really just about people not liking something that doesn't significantly impact them (e.g., people of a certain type want to exist in peace, and some other people don't like that).
So my personal rule of thumb is - does Side A really have a significant (so, beyond just 'I want people to only do what I think is right') impact on Side B? Are they harming someone or having a tangible negative impact on something? If yes, this is probably an issue where both sides should be heard. If no, it's likely that the other side shouldn't even be involved.
I have to disagree with you there. If you read the paper, you can see that MTurk results had positive correlations for almost every 'opposite' pair, as opposed to the other platform, which had negative correlations (as would be expected). The authors present a very good case why it's likely that MTurk participants just picked 'yes' (or 'no') for everything instead of bothering to answer the questions. (You can also see that a bunch of them spent less than 2 seconds answering each question, meaning they likely didn't read it at all.)