Pepetto's recent activity

  1. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Thanks, Rereading, your reading comprehension is fine, I can totally see what you mean, my comment was ambiguous.

    Thanks,

    Rereading, your reading comprehension is fine, I can totally see what you mean, my comment was ambiguous.

  2. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Oh, I absolutely agree kindness is it's own reward. But some people can and will take advantage of your kindness to abuse it. Very many people feel a "justice" instinct to avoid that. I was merely...

    Oh, I absolutely agree kindness is it's own reward.
    But some people can and will take advantage of your kindness to abuse it.
    Very many people feel a "justice" instinct to avoid that.

    I was merely explaining, in my own way, that we tend to have a tendency to overestimate the likelyhood that our kindness is being taken advantage of, and should therefor stay kind long after abuse is blatantly obvious to everyone (not just ourselves).
    Being taken advantages of because of our kindness is bad, but prematurely withholding kindness can be just as bad.
    Withholding kindness is just making your own need much more important than other's, under the guise of boundary setting or self care.

    but why are you asking me and not phoenixrises ? they're the one who suggested we shouldn't be kind because it hasn't solved everything yet...

    1 vote

  3. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Almost everytime I've felt I should stop being kind because I'd already been kind enough and it clearly hadn't work... Well it turned out I hadn't been kind hard and long enough. I regularly hear...

    be nicer to them because they still don't understand, even though being non-controversial clearly already didn't do anything.

    Almost everytime I've felt I should stop being kind because I'd already been kind enough and it clearly hadn't work... Well it turned out I hadn't been kind hard and long enough.

    I regularly hear both conservatives and progressives claim being kind has been tried and hasn't worked so we should stop.

    So I'm very suspicious of my own potentially motivated reasoning when I have similar conclusion.

    I'm curious what metrics (doesn't have to be a hard metric, soft vibes work as long as we acknowledge it's soft and potentially unreliable) you use to confidently say enough kindness was distributed and no more is needed.

    (Also:

    The problem with that logic though is that now you have a bunch of white people with opinions that they don't know about infiltrating spaces suddenly deciding that they're gonna be offended at things they don't fully understand.

    I agree that is a problem.

    5 votes

  4. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Damn, failed prediction #288647 that I need to own up to... I think empathy is instinctive to most of us, but we quickly teach ourselves to exclude most people from it. Either to protect oneself...

    The opposite, actually. I spent a lot of time at church in the early years of my life and I had to break out of that too.

    Damn, failed prediction #288647 that I need to own up to...

    Changing your mind is really difficult but it's weird that basic empathy is too.

    I think empathy is instinctive to most of us, but we quickly teach ourselves to exclude most people from it.
    Either to protect oneself from abuse, or to continue benefitting from exploitation.

    4 votes

  5. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    That list of LGBT friendly forum is kind of universal though... describing inner experience (not negotiable, sure) kinda melds into prescription for how the world should be run here... you...

    Again, this is your experience, and not a universal truth.

    That list of LGBT friendly forum is kind of universal though...

    And no, I shouldn't have to lay out why my experience is real to me when you imply it isn't.

    describing inner experience (not negotiable, sure) kinda melds into prescription for how the world should be run here... you experience there are more rational discourse forums than safe space forum. I experience the opposite.
    One of us is wrong, obviously. It doesn't really help us know which is which when you accuse me of not accepting your experience as valid...

    Both our experience is irrelevant compared to actual reality. which should determine what tildes becomes (edit) we build more of...

    2 votes

  6. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Your friend is lucky to have you, but I wager that your position was already pretty LGBT friendly before they came out. Changing your mind about something is much harder than you make it out to...

    Your friend is lucky to have you, but I wager that your position was already pretty LGBT friendly before they came out.

    Changing your mind about something is much harder than you make it out to be. and you expect us, regular lazy people to just do the work on our own, read multiple books and articles (many of them very hostile to "our" worldview), spontaneously just because someone expressed something we disagree with? that's not how human work. JAKing on a forum is much easier than reading a "boring SJW book".
    Changing society is hard, most of the work will be done by those who stand to gain from the change, or the work will not be done at all.

    Also, Tildes is part of this "forever internet", for all you know the push back and JAKing is full of futur-ex-Bigots trying to work through their views because of some LGBT friend they have IRL which they don't want to hurt by asking them directly. This isn't a hypothetical, I did that!

    6 votes

  7. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    While I'm not the most exposed to that situation, I believe I do understand how tiring it can be. but there is no alternative. If the Black community didn't explain, over and over, I don't think...

    While I'm not the most exposed to that situation, I believe I do understand how tiring it can be.

    but there is no alternative.

    If the Black community didn't explain, over and over, I don't think their White friends would spontaneously understand their point of view...

    4 votes

  8. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    I've barely seen any IRL safe space, so no, I've never said anything about anything outside the internet. I'm all for a lot more IRL safe space, even if they usually feel downright hostile to me....

    internet or otherwise

    I've barely seen any IRL safe space, so no, I've never said anything about anything outside the internet. I'm all for a lot more IRL safe space, even if they usually feel downright hostile to me.
    But online, a quick google search implies to me there are many LGBT+ adjacent forums.

    accessible or pointless

    And I do not think online safe spaces are pointless, but I'll double down that I think they are very accessible. Are they not?

    If we ever need more online safe space, a new discord channel take less than 30 min to setup...

    So why try turn Tildes into something it isn't? the rules as they are heavily discourage silloing part of the forum for exclusive use, because that was never the intended usecase...
    Where else can the "just asking questions" crowd ask those question really? (While JAQing can be weaponised, I think most are legitimately just trying to learn)

    6 votes

  9. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    I think I identify with this. Applying the golden rule: I expect and enjoy whenever someone repeatedly contradicts me whenever I'm wrong, because I value truth over comfort (within reason). So I...

    Because some people fundamentally disagree with the concept of being able to opt out of these discussions.

    I think I identify with this.
    Applying the golden rule: I expect and enjoy whenever someone repeatedly contradicts me whenever I'm wrong, because I value truth over comfort (within reason). So I do the same to other as amicably as I'm capable. Sometime I'm the one who was wrong as I discover blind spot. I wouldn't have found those blindspot if everyone stayed in their personal little safe space.

    The internet already has quite enough safe space. The internet also already has plenty of absolute free speech free-for-all. Middle ground like tildes, with an expectation of friendly/rational/respectful discourse, is somewhat rare. So I'd rather Tildes stay as is.

    People leaving over normal discourse (obviously not talking about abuse campaign) are just fundamentally looking for something which tildes isn't.

    (edit: I'd like to clarify that I absolutely agree with OP's general idea of being more thoughtful when posting. thats always good, of course. I disagree only with censuring oneself)

    12 votes

  10. Comment on Do you think you're special? in ~talk

    Pepetto
    Link
    Going off on a tangent. I find it hard to believe that most people who say they don't consider themselves special aren't simply paying lip service to the idea... Every one is special to...

    Going off on a tangent.

    I find it hard to believe that most people who say they don't consider themselves special aren't simply paying lip service to the idea...
    Every one is special to themselves, we're our own viewpoint.
    We can compare how much people have trully accepted they are not special by how selfless they behave. On a scale from Epstein to caricatures-of-Saints type of personality.

    (I'm not saying "noone is trully selfless so that excuses not being a saint", I'm saying "prove you're selfless with costly action, your words mean very little")

    4 votes

  11. Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Cann't say I've struggle with this beyond the occasional thought. Rehashing this negative thought over and over 24/7 must be the depression. Overall, I much prefer existing than not, so I double...

    have you ever felt bitter about inheriting the world we're presently in?

    I ask because it's something I've struggled with a lot

    Cann't say I've struggle with this beyond the occasional thought. Rehashing this negative thought over and over 24/7 must be the depression. Overall, I much prefer existing than not, so I double it & give it to the next person.

    3 votes

  12. Comment on Homes on stilts built above parking lots ('Hope Rise', Bristol) in ~design

  13. Comment on Behind the scenes at the Blackwing pencil factory in ~creative

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Noted, try out tombow mono 100 next time i need a restock on pencil. What qualifies as good paper and what am i missing out on?

    Noted, try out tombow mono 100 next time i need a restock on pencil.
    What qualifies as good paper and what am i missing out on?

    1 vote

  14. Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Woah, I strongly disagree! Your rule of thumb would have noone have any kids. It's a massive decision and most sane people understandably have to carefully think about it.

    Woah, I strongly disagree!
    Your rule of thumb would have noone have any kids.
    It's a massive decision and most sane people understandably have to carefully think about it.

    10 votes

  15. Comment on Homes on stilts built above parking lots ('Hope Rise', Bristol) in ~design

    Pepetto
    Link
    Ah, the length we go to, trying not to reconsider our society's morbid car dependency...

    Ah, the length we go to, trying not to reconsider our society's morbid car dependency...

    3 votes

  16. Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link
    Social media is promotting so hard this idea of "not having kids is sooo altruistic", " this world is dying". When you explore it a little bit, it is always a rationalisation for not tolerating...

    Social media is promotting so hard this idea of "not having kids is sooo altruistic", " this world is dying".
    When you explore it a little bit, it is always a rationalisation for not tolerating any hit to personal comfort or change. Your kids would live better than most kings even if civilisation took a dip, (and it probably won't).
    The curent world has challenges ahead, but overall I'd definitely rather stay in this period than any from the past. The medical advances alone! Fewer war, fewer famine, more education, more rights, better entertainment, more science.

    We'll need motivation to tackle our world's problems. I don't think not having kids and lamenting the state of the world is the best way to nurture that motivation.

    Maybe don't view this from the perspective of your child inheriting a broken world, view your well brought up child as a gift to help do his part fixing the world.

    32 votes

  17. Comment on In search of the hypothetical iPhone Duo buyer in ~tech

    Pepetto
    Link Parent
    Be sure to post it on tildes if you ever find that (I will too)!

    a phone with dual e-ink screens on the inside, [...] a Mini-sized phone again .

    Be sure to post it on tildes if you ever find that (I will too)!

    3 votes

  18. Comment on LibreOffice breaks download records after declaring it has no AI features in ~tech

    Pepetto
    Link
    Some might argue that for long term viability, donating is more effective than downloading, but it's a first step...

    Some might argue that for long term viability, donating is more effective than downloading, but it's a first step...

    11 votes

  19. Comment on Agnes Obel - Laymelli (2026) in ~music

    Pepetto
    Link
    Thank you thank you! I'm not big on social media so I missed this. I'm a big fan of Agnes Obel, since I found her from the serie Dark. Went to IRL concert in Lorient last month where she did that...

    Thank you thank you!
    I'm not big on social media so I missed this.
    I'm a big fan of Agnes Obel, since I found her from the serie Dark.
    Went to IRL concert in Lorient last month where she did that song (i can finally put it on repeat now)... She did a couple other song from her upcoming album and they were all absolute banger!
    Cann't wait for the full album!

  20. Comment on French citizen's assembly being organised in anticipation of 2027 presidential election in ~society

    Pepetto
    (edited )
    Link
    Sharing this because I find it shows a genuine attempt at forcing compromize and empathy back into the public debate. That and fighting demagoguery. It's called d'un commun accord (meaning "by...

    Sharing this because I find it shows a genuine attempt at forcing compromize and empathy back into the public debate. That and fighting demagoguery.

    It's called d'un commun accord (meaning "by common agreement) and honestly, this is democracy at it's best. It's spearheaded by Jean-Marc Jancovici et al (that french engineer that came up with the concept of carbon footprint).
    Here's the idea: they will select 150 people roughly at random, to be representative of the french population, stick them in a room for 6 weekend, teach them about the issues with help from experts, and then have them discuss about a question until a consensus emerges. You know, basically doing what our politicians should be doing...
    Questions with no easy answer, like how do you arbitrate between maintaining purchasing power and manufacturing localy (cann't have both fully...).
    Similar citizen's assembly have worked in the past, providing nuanced and often surprisingly selfless decisions (but they do tend to be ignored by politician, hence the timing and the symbolic 1€).
    During the upcoming presidential debates, the assembly's conclusion will be a default reasonable point from which politicians will have to argue. Failing that, it will hopefully at least nudge the debate in a more productive direction, and provide a starting point for next try.

    And it's sort of working so far, crowdfunding launched on Ulule (french kickstarter) and pulled in already twice as many backers as a typical french political party. The 1€ donation is mainly symbolic, it's the number of people that gives this political weight, not the money.

    Obviously don't donate if you aren't french, as that would kind of look like we're faking our numbers with outside help, but maybe you could do something similar in your country?

    Politics is hard. If you try and you fail, again and again, then you only really fail when you stop trying.

    16 votes