Carrie's recent activity
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Comment on WATCH: Haka interrupts vote on Treaty Principles Bill in ~society
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Comment on How do people get over enshittification? in ~life
Carrie Link ParentI'm actually here for this. One of my biggest take aways from this post has been that I had a poor understanding of what canonical "Enshittification" is/was; I need to educate myself further....I'm actually here for this.
One of my biggest take aways from this post has been that I had a poor understanding of what canonical "Enshittification" is/was; I need to educate myself further.
Should what I'm describing be called "Encrapification" ? It certainly hits on "Shrinkflation", but as we have discussed, this is not the entirety of the situation.
I suppose let me define better what I hate:
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Gradual lowering of the level of quality of an item, while not disproportionately lowering the price, while simultaneously no longer providing an option of the same level of (previous)quality and function that has an inflation matched price.
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The above, but pretending that the item is the same item and that you are delusional as if the quality has not changed. (Looking at you Cadbury Eggs. Which in this instance is a version of shrinkflation, but also I assume quality of ingredient degradation, proof needed).
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Other pet peeve - changing versions of something for the sake of changing something. Less genius a la "New Coke vs. Classic Coke" and more annoying like, here is Brook's Ghost 15 Sneaker, now with more Ghost than Brook's Ghost 14. I suppose this is like planned obsolescence, but again, not quite.
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Comment on AirPods or not? in ~music
Carrie LinkIt sounds like comfort is your most important factor. Focus on that, and only that, because an uncomfortable head or ear phone is an unworn and unused head/earphone. Have there been any headphones...It sounds like comfort is your most important factor.
Focus on that, and only that, because an uncomfortable head or ear phone is an unworn and unused head/earphone.
Have there been any headphones that you like comfort-wise?
I tried my darndest to like Apple headphones, but could not get over them, comfort-wise. I love most things Apple and live in the ecosystem, but with the headphones I just found them to be really uncomfortable for me. I say this to remind you to trust your gut, don't be like me, and think "well everyone is saying these are the most comfortable and best headphones ever--that should apply to me too".
If you can try headphones on (I don't know how this goes for in-ear style), do that, and go with your gut and experience/feelings. If you can't, find people that have a similar opinion to you regarding headphone feel (like other users who find your current set bulky), and see if they have recommendations.
Good luck!
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Comment on Is ADHD really that debilitating? in ~health.mental
Carrie Link ParentI lived with a partner that, could not for the life of her, ever put socks in a hamper. It did not matter where we moved the hamper or the shoe-taking off area or adding a bench to sit when...I lived with a partner that, could not for the life of her, ever put socks in a hamper. It did not matter where we moved the hamper or the shoe-taking off area or adding a bench to sit when de-socking, it just never happened.
The socks would often be right next to the hamper, too!
She was not formally diagnosed with ADHD...but I know it when I see it! lol.
Apparently I have obsessions about socks, since this example is, somehow also about socks. It reminds me of this Family Feud Episode.
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How do people get over enshittification?
Enshittificiation, or in my own words, "how everything starts to suck on purpose", has somewhat come to rule my life, and thus, ruin my life. An example I'm thinking about right now is socks. I...
Enshittificiation, or in my own words, "how everything starts to suck on purpose", has somewhat come to rule my life, and thus, ruin my life.
An example I'm thinking about right now is socks. I bought a certain pair of socks probably ten years ago now. I liked them and took for granted that I would be able to purchase this sock or type of sock at any given time. Fast-forward ten years, and the sock is gone. And it feels like no other sock compares.
What's really going on in my mind is, "I know there is better out there, and this is just a choice of the manufacturer to be greedy". Except in this circumstance, the "there" is my fantasy land of the past.
So I ask you all, how do you move on from this? Because what happens for me is I just don't buy new socks, and instead hold on to my tatters (most of them still work decently, but nowhere near as well as they used to). I have tried randomly buying socks to get over my fear of failure (choosing the wrong socks and wasting money and contributing to global waste and contributing to materialism and general clutter in my house, etc.); But this just furthers the issue because I confirm that the other socks are shit and this seems like a fruitless endeavor, as such, in addition to going against my morals and values I listed above.
Thank you for any advice or help!
*EDIT
Thank you all for a rousing discussion, as usual.Here are some of my Major Takeaways:
- Mend and Repair
- Buy local/artisinal
- Research new brands and check my assumptions since the last time I checked on something.
- Fight it - buy vintage, see also: repair and mend.
- Custom/Bespoke
- Be thankful for the things that I do find that fit my criteria, and buy multiples of those.
- Carpe diem - when I find something good really seize the moment and indulge. (This is to combat over analysis paralysis that others shared).
- Accept that some of this is the "New Normal" (This is to reduce my distress over the situation).
Lastly, one clarification, I'd like to add that on the subject of clothing or other comforts in particular, it is extra painful to lose something you love, like a clothing item, when you are not an "average" person. Sensory issues, body shapes, and fashion tastes can be so limiting when you are not within the bell curve, and so it is not a trivial subject to mourn the loss of something you once had, and fear that you will never find something like it again.
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Comment on Is ADHD really that debilitating? in ~health.mental
Carrie Link ParentI personally think forgetting things easily is legit because I just don’t care about the thing*. It goes back to motivation/reward, for me. Brain goes “remember this log in ID for this website you...I personally think forgetting things easily is legit because I just don’t care about the thing*. It goes back to motivation/reward, for me.
Brain goes “remember this log in ID for this website you just signed up for” literally right after “what ID I don’t care about that anymore”**.
It feels so frustratingly annoying ! Brain, do the things I am asking you to do god damn it.
And so god help me if someone says “if it’s important, you’ll remember it later”.
*and distractibility because I cannot ignore things(sights, thoughts, sounds).
**impatience is the Bain of my existence. “Waiting” would certainly be the deepest circle of hell in my Dante’s inferno.
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Comment on Is ADHD really that debilitating? in ~health.mental
Carrie Link ParentHonestly, this is it right here. Our reward systems are different. If the reward does not hit for me right then and there I am NOT going to do the thing. Even shit like resetting a password, I can...Honestly, this is it right here.
Our reward systems are different. If the reward does not hit for me right then and there I am NOT going to do the thing.
Even shit like resetting a password, I can get distracted very quickly and easily, or as I describe it, the barrier to complete it is just too high. Like I am already irritated or over whatever I was trying to do by resetting the password. Poof, gone.
I struggle to even reward myself for doing things in attempts to reinforce normal habits.
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Comment on Is ADHD really that debilitating? in ~health.mental
Carrie LinkTo answer your question: Yes. Within the comments here, I think one of the most salient points is the cycle of shame included with the ineffectiveness of help suggestions. There is a lot of...To answer your question:
Since I don't have ADHD my question is if people who do have ADHD really do find it to be that incapacitating?
Yes.
Within the comments here, I think one of the most salient points is the cycle of shame included with the ineffectiveness of help suggestions. There is a lot of distress from being constantly invalidated as a neurodivergent person living in a neurotypical world.
Let me explain. People, out of the goodness of their hearts, will suggest umpteen suggestions(which they think are solutions) of how to "fix your life" or if you "just did this" (which is usually some form of setting alarms, reminders, emails, calendars, etc.). They will say this works for them or it works for someone else in their life and act like this simple act will solve all your problems, meanwhile ignoring that these things "just don't work" for you. It makes you question your own sanity and ask yourself "why isn't this working for me?" When it inevitably doesn't work. It puts a lot of blame on the person for it not working since it "works for everyone else".
This leads to masking for several reasons: don't want to be suggested to again, don't want to let the other person down and make them feel bad that their solution didn't work(rejection sensitivity and people pleasing is a big part of ADHD for some people, as well), stupidly believing that "maybe this time it will work". So on top of you trying to figure out what system you're going to use to fix whatever original problem you had (let's say in this scenario, you hate filling out lab reports), you are also pretending to use their stupid system to make you/them feel better(set up notifications and reminder alarms and to do lists, sign up for an app, whatever). The lab reports pile up, you don't have a good system, but you are completing them to not look like a failure/it's your job, AND you are performing a show by using their suggested system.
tl;dr - ADHD is exhausting because of the constant masking, and being not understood, coupled with constant self blame and shame. You try to fit in and often miss the mark and thus you end up not wanting to engage at all with those activities and avoid them. Lastly,you don't even get to have the things you want/the help you want on top of all of that (it's still excruciating to you to fill out the lab reports and nothing is coming to relieve that).
PS. I applaud you for going out of your way to try to understand a struggle for a cause that does not really "directly" affect you! Thank you for your efforts and caring!
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Comment on Work life balance in a startup in ~life
Carrie Link ParentAgree with valuing people over corporate!!! Very good point. Your direct manager influences your willingness to stay at a company more than anyone else. See if your manager seems like a pushover...Agree with valuing people over corporate!!! Very good point.
Your direct manager influences your willingness to stay at a company more than anyone else. See if your manager seems like a pushover (they do not stand up for their own team). You can do this by asking, “when your team has met failure, how have you responded ?” Or “when a decision is made that is outside of your control, that you don’t agree with, how do you respond ?” An example of this can be certain “go-no-go” decisions. Or ask them if they have ever had an unpopular opinion and how did that go lol.
Ask their direct reports “what style manager is so and so ? What are your 1:1 meetings like ? Walk me through an example of one”.
Check how long your manager has been at the company, do they have managerial experience ? If so, how much and in what contexts (other start ups? How large of a team? Etc.)
Try to get as much info from the direct reports as possible, since they will know your manager the most. Pay attention to their attitude and what they do or don’t say and how they say it.
I want to reiterate the above poster though with their great point regarding people vs purpose. You can love a company’s mission, but if the day to day and operations is miserable, it’s not worth it and it will feel like a drag.
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Comment on Work life balance in a startup in ~life
Carrie Link ParentI echo this sentiment. The reviews are very telling. Most people won’t even risk saying something remotely “negative,” let alone outright criticize by stating there is poor work life balance, this...I echo this sentiment. The reviews are very telling.
Most people won’t even risk saying something remotely “negative,” let alone outright criticize by stating there is poor work life balance, this tends to mean the reality is even worse than what the posters are willing to share.
Keep this in mind, OP.
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Comment on Work life balance in a startup in ~life
Carrie LinkIme, I sucked at establishing any work life balance at start-ups. For background, I am in biotech/pharma, have worked for 3-4 startups including Angel Stage and pre and post IPO companies. Have...- Exemplary
Ime, I sucked at establishing any work life balance at start-ups. For background, I am in biotech/pharma, have worked for 3-4 startups including Angel Stage and pre and post IPO companies. Have also worked in academia, hybrid, Fortune 500, and independent consulting, ymmv based on field.
Advice : set and establish boundaries from the onset. “I do not look at my work emails/phone etc. past 5pm on weekdays. I do not respond to emails/phone after this time.” “I do not stay at the office past 5pm on weekdays, if I am required to be working outside of normal hours this needs to be requested in advance.” You can ask, in interviews “are people expected to respond to emails outside of work ?” They will ofc say no or obfuscate, but you could do this to get a feel of how honest the company is.
Take vacations and take them regularly - especially if you have “unlimited” vacation - because, as studies have shown, people actually take less vacation when they have this option due to “pressure”. Do this early to establish a pattern that you value your time and will use the benefits given to you. Notice behaviors like this and see if it’s a pattern. I worked at a company that took away paid out accrued time in exchange for expiratory time that could not be cashed out (two weeks paid vacation that must be used within the year, cannot rollover etc.). They tried to spin this as something good for us “we want you to take your time off !” Which could be true, but it’s also cheaper for them in the long run if no one uses it AND they now don’t have to pay out. I’m not mad about the policy necessarily, but the way they present it as a benefit to you and you only is bullshit and I consider an orange flag.
Do not shift your personal schedule to accommodate them. Don’t cancel doctor’s appointments or move things around. You need to set the precedent that your time is your priority.
Do not over perform under the guise of setting a good first impression, because they will expect you to work at this rate forever.
Do not offer to do work outside of your listed responsibilities and stick to this when people ask you to do it “just this one time”. Similar to above, they will never remove these responsibilities, only add more.
Be aware of your own growing dependency on work “perks” - how often do you stay late or indulge in happy hours or free food ? Free gym ? Free parking ? A lot of that is to distract you from how much of your time is being spent living at work basically, and blurring the lines between work and life.
I’d say some other odds and ends:
The phrases “wear multiple hats” “ever changing priorities” “adapt to the high pace pressure and changes” “nimbleness” and “pivot” and “agility” are all code words for “we will change the goal posts and the game all the time so be ready for it”. Any wording around being a “family” or any variation of “we work hard, but play hard” are all orange to red flags imo.
I say all of the above in the context of - ideal situation where your employer is willing to listen and you are the type of person to stand strong and hold yourself accountable. I’d say this is not the common circumstance of a start up and your biggest battle will be against fighting your peer’s culture and pressure. Many people stay late or come early or respond to emails while on vacation. This always makes you “look bad” or “lazy” so you eventually feel pressured to do the same.
Lastly, a lot of start up life IS cool, fun, exciting:
You get to have huge impact as an early adopter.
You often have fewer rules and regulation so you can be more creative.
If funding is good, you can truly do some exciting cutting edge stuff that other places would not take a risk on.
You can meet some truly impassioned and unique people that you will bond with over a shared goal.
It’s a lot of fun for someone in the eager/hungry/high energy phase of their life, but it is exhausting. I enjoyed it a lot in my early twenties and then the distaste for it grew after 30 and got quite strong afterwards.
Sorry for the novella, I hope helps, feel free to ask any other questions and I hope your search/interviews go well !
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Comment on Understanding the leftist that didn't vote: "Everybody else gets one, but not me" in ~society
Carrie LinkI’m curious how you define what a “leftist” is vs a “left-leaning” person or “left-liberal” (paraphrasing your words)? I think I know what you mean, but I want to hear it in your own words. I’m...I’m curious how you define what a “leftist” is vs a “left-leaning” person or “left-liberal” (paraphrasing your words)? I think I know what you mean, but I want to hear it in your own words.
I’m also curious how you would feel about an “abstain” option in elections ? I have often felt “I don’t want to vote for either person, and I want it documented that I chose not to do it because I felt neither candidate captured my goals/values/needs”. I wonder how things would be if we had a condition such that if enough people abstain, we do not move forward ? I dunno, somehow that metric(abstaining) needs to be measured…
I’m sorry you are suffering so much. It sounds like you like to live by your values in as many ways as possible. I find that admirable and respectable. I hope you continue to do so and stoke the flame from within. It’s difficult to do, and many people are willing to sweep their morals under the carpet or to the side for so little. I, like you, feel sick to my stomach when I’m told to just “vote for the lesser of two evils”, even when they have contributed to and committed genocide…like we should just ignore that as if it is some casual thing to be normalized. I don’t want this to be normalized. I don’t want to have to continue to bite my tongue, because it’s not the right time. If not now, when? I’d like to enjoy my life at some point too, and I’d like to even have it be “normal” or less stressful to where the only thing I care about is the “economy” instead of whether I’m going to be persecuted.
It does feel like it’s always everyone else’s turn, and it’s just never going to be mine either.
Signed- a non-religious, single, non-child having, non-home/land owning, car-hating, American.
I feel for you daywalker, and I hope things get better for us soon…
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Comment on How Donald Trump won, and how Kamala Harris lost in ~society
Carrie Link ParentPerhaps I am ignorant, or unaware, but it just seems like no other countries discuss trans rights and bathroom rights as much as the United States does ? I am open to being educated. I am not sure...Perhaps I am ignorant, or unaware, but it just seems like no other countries discuss trans rights and bathroom rights as much as the United States does ? I am open to being educated.
I am not sure if other countries argue as much about what gender or sex is put on your driver’s license.
Nor am I aware of other countries that willfully engage in things like full body pat downs and full body scans at airports all of which involve major violations of bodily privacy and again, a weird obsession with people’s body parts…(this one is a stretch, but I felt it was tangentially related).
I say these things with an emphasis on obsession. Are other countries “concerned” with or do other countries discuss or have opinions on these things ? Sure. But I don’t think to the same degree, both with regards to how frequent it is a topic of debate, and to how much the outcome of such discussions impacts said persons lives.
I suppose things like women’s sports and the constant accusations and checking of “maleness” that we see in the Olympics is a sign that it’s not just contained to the USA, but even that I guess feels distilled down to the UK and the USA as the loudest speakers.
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Comment on How Donald Trump won, and how Kamala Harris lost in ~society
Carrie Link ParentThe United States’ obsession with genitals and sexual reproduction organs and everything that is entitled to them, is another uniquely “American” thing. Why does it matter ? For a place that...The United States’ obsession with genitals and sexual reproduction organs and everything that is entitled to them, is another uniquely “American” thing. Why does it matter ? For a place that believes in individual rights, we sure do police where people can piss or how they can pleasure themselves (I’m looking at you, porn bans!)
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Comment on US Election Distractions Thread in ~talk
Carrie Link ParentWhat about open-faced “sandwiches” aka one piece of bread “sandwiches” ? And if they are considered sandwiches, then what about pizza ? How about “melts” vs. grilled cheese ? Sort of related,...What about open-faced “sandwiches” aka one piece of bread “sandwiches” ? And if they are considered sandwiches, then what about pizza ?
How about “melts” vs. grilled cheese ?
Sort of related, toast and
“Bread” “sandwiches” ? -
Comment on US Election Distractions Thread in ~talk
Carrie Link ParentRecent ? No. But if you’re taking suggestions: Kung Fu Hustle - Stephen Chow Ip Man(2008) - Wilson Yip A lot of classic Jackie Chan films are actually quite good for action as well as old Jet Li....Recent ? No. But if you’re taking suggestions:
Kung Fu Hustle - Stephen Chow
Ip Man(2008) - Wilson YipA lot of classic Jackie Chan films are actually quite good for action as well as old Jet Li.
Hope you find some respite in these films during these trying times.
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Comment on US Election Distractions Thread in ~talk
Carrie Link ParentBless your soul, what cute little critters ! How was it ? What was the experience like ?Bless your soul, what cute little critters !
How was it ? What was the experience like ?
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Comment on US Election Distractions Thread in ~talk
Carrie LinkI have been watching a lot of nature documentaries and uplifting videos on YouTube. Nature allows me to escape, but see something “real” - like in this Hummingbird Documentary Human resilience and...I have been watching a lot of nature documentaries and uplifting videos on YouTube.
Nature allows me to escape, but see something “real” - like in this Hummingbird Documentary
Human resilience and talent - via, surprisingly, X’s Got Talent, and the like .
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Comment on A scientific fraud. An investigation. A lab in recovery. in ~science
Carrie LinkThis pretty much explains it all right here. Until science rewards negative data and true replication, it will continue to hinge entire careers on positive data and novelty only, which directly...“If you create perverse incentives, you’re going to create perverse behaviors.”
This pretty much explains it all right here. Until science rewards negative data and true replication, it will continue to hinge entire careers on positive data and novelty only, which directly incentivizes people to falsify stories and data.
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Comment on Halfbakery - a collection of half baked ideas in ~misc
Carrie Link ParentIf you live near a Russian or Eastern European market, you may be able to find Plombir Ice Cream , which looks similar to what you’re talking about. But I have not tasted them specifically. I...If you live near a Russian or Eastern European market, you may be able to find Plombir Ice Cream , which looks similar to what you’re talking about. But I have not tasted them specifically.
I agree whole heartedly with your sentiment tho, that little piece at the end is the perfect ratio of crispy and crunchy to wet and creamy.
I love this. It’s very much “fuck this. I’m done. Hear me roar.”
It is refreshing to see such passion and emotion.
I loved that other members started adding on towards the end - somewhat unexpectedly (for me) - what a great show of solidarity.
Thanks for sharing.