coy_fish's recent activity
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Comment on Do you have an internal monologue? How do you think? in ~talk
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
coy_fish LinkI'm trying to read a horror novel every week this year and am currently in the middle of From Below by Darcy Coates. It's about a small dive team exploring an old and mysterious deep sea wreck in...I'm trying to read a horror novel every week this year and am currently in the middle of From Below by Darcy Coates. It's about a small dive team exploring an old and mysterious deep sea wreck in an attempt to film a documentary about what happened to the ship. VERY creepy so far (I'm almost to the halfway point) and the mystery aspect is compelling, although there have been some sections that drag (I'm not that invested in the characters, and the prose is a touch awkward on rare occasions).
It's making me want to read more of this brand of horror, though. You know, the "small, specialized, isolated crew" trope that's pretty easy to find in movies. I'd very very much appreciate recs.
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Comment on Do you have an internal monologue? How do you think? in ~talk
coy_fish Link ParentI get random phrases stuck in my head all the time. Fortunately they're not normally this vulgar because I do sometimes accidentally say them out loud.I get random phrases stuck in my head all the time. Fortunately they're not normally this vulgar because I do sometimes accidentally say them out loud.
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Comment on Do you have an internal monologue? How do you think? in ~talk
coy_fish Link ParentI totally get this. While I don't think of it as a critical aspect of the way I experience the world from minute to minute, it's also super helpful for me to think of myself as a few distinct...I totally get this. While I don't think of it as a critical aspect of the way I experience the world from minute to minute, it's also super helpful for me to think of myself as a few distinct individual parts, especially when it comes to sorting out my own feelings and wants. So you (both of you) are very much not alone.
Have you looked into Internal Family Systems therapy? I'm not necessarily recommending it, but it sounds like you might either already know about it or be interested to hear. For me, some aspects run counter to coping strategies I'd already developed, but it can be validating to see some recognition for the way your mind naturally works.
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Comment on Do you have an internal monologue? How do you think? in ~talk
coy_fish Link ParentNice to see someone else whose thoughts are pretty vague unless you're intentional about it. I'm curious to know whether you get easily distracted or have trouble focusing? I'm not sure whether my...Nice to see someone else whose thoughts are pretty vague unless you're intentional about it. I'm curious to know whether you get easily distracted or have trouble focusing? I'm not sure whether my problems in that area are directly connected to the abstract-ness of my thoughts.
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Comment on Do you have an internal monologue? How do you think? in ~talk
coy_fish LinkThis is always so hard to describe. Right now, I have a song playing in my head so perfectly I can almost really hear it (this is almost always the case). It's in the background, but it can get...This is always so hard to describe. Right now, I have a song playing in my head so perfectly I can almost really hear it (this is almost always the case). It's in the background, but it can get distracting. Despite this, I don't hear a monologue or imagine hearing words; if anything, when I'm thinking something specific, I'll imagine reading words printed on a page.
I'm aware of my intention to create a response to this question, just like I'm aware of the fact that my head kind of hurts and I want to make that thing with the chickpeas for dinner, but these ideas just hang there as a combination of key words and vague images until the second before I type them. Like, I think about dinner and I see a vague visual of opening the freezer (it looks like a blurry photo being waved quickly in front of my face) and I imagine the word "chickpeas" and that's it. If I went to make dinner now, I'd probably have to write down all the steps involved before beginning. If I didn't do that, my thoughts are vague enough that I'd lose focus between steps and space out and overall take a very long time. (It is worth noting that I have not taken my ADHD medication yet today.)
I just had the thought "sneakers" and sort-of envisioned my Converse but like, I don't know why. Maybe because I was thinking about how I went to the post office earlier (not thinking about it in words but imagining the vague shape of the building, lime green because of the color of shirt someone was wearing there, and a few digits of the tracking number for the package I needed help with) and I'd considered walking there, which would have meant I'd have to put on my sneakers. That happens a lot: an irrelevant something will pop up and I can figure out why if I want to waste the time on it. I am distracted right now because I'm thinking of how the little thing on the end of one shoelace fell off ages ago. It's not important. My mind has no idea, on its own, what is supposed to be important.
I guess I do have an internal monologue on occasion when I deliberately think to myself something like "I have to check that tracking number again to see if it's been updated". I sort of heard that spoken in my head. But it's not something that occurs naturally, it's something I do when I catch a vague thought, notice that it's important, and force myself to notice it harder so I won't forget. My brain seems to store much more information than it needs, yet I have no mind for detail at all. Like, if I wanted to copy over something from another browser tab, I'd probably forget it in the time it takes to click back over here. I actually gave the post office guy an incorrect phone number because I blanked on my own, which is not uncommon, even though I know it by heart and have had it for over 10 years.
I'm at my best (or I'm baseline competent, at least) when I can be on autopilot and focus on nothing while the noise in my brain does its thing, but it's hard to reach this state. I can't, for instance, get there while doing simple repetitive mechanical motions, unless I'm only moving my own body—I can zone out while exercising, but not while cooking or folding laundry. It's also easier to zone out while doing something that's totally freeform (like making art) or that provides immediate statistical feedback on how I'm doing (I think health bars/damage counters in video games are the most straightforward example of this).
Okay, I had to finally put on the song that was stuck in my head because it was just getting louder and louder. Link if you're curious.
Anyway, in conclusion, it's a mess! I'm relieved to see other sort of unconventional answers here. I envy those of you who can get a good grasp on information or processes easily, but I'm hoping some of the responses here may help me sort my thoughts out a little.
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Comment on Why write? in ~creative
coy_fish LinkI liked this more than I thought I would. I get tired of the same old "writers write because they have to, they can't not"—like, I get the sentiment, I was that way myself once, but currently I am...I liked this more than I thought I would. I get tired of the same old "writers write because they have to, they can't not"—like, I get the sentiment, I was that way myself once, but currently I am living in a world that makes it uniquely difficult to write and uniquely easy to scratch the creative itch in lower-stakes ways (though this is less satisfying, in the long run).
And there was some of that here, but the overall picture struck me more as 'writers write because their brains make stories against their will, and turning those into words is one way to handle the problem'. I enjoyed this quote in particular: "Bud Smith has said he’s only prolific because he ditched all his other hobbies, so all he can do is write." It made me think of this discussion about boredom I found elsewhere on Tildes. Back when it was easier and more common to be bored, I did a heck of a lot more writing. Sure, I can force myself to maintain a writing routine, or ride the high of an idea I'm especially passionate about for a while, but for me the truth is that writing happens when I let myself get bored enough to return to my default state. Only then do I begin to feel like maybe I really do have to write.
It might seem like I'm getting off topic here, so let me pull it back together: I liked this article because the diversity of viewpoints makes it feel more relevant to the modern world than the average piece on writers' processes or writing advice. I think it would be even better if more current authors were included. I suspect a writer who is young enough to have never really lived in a world without the internet may have a different take on what compels them to write. At the same time, I do appreciate hearing classic authors' perspectives; there's plenty we can learn from them today, but we may need context to best understand what they're saying (just as we do with the fiction they've written).
I should probably post this as a separate discussion, but I'm curious about what motivates the writers here on Tildes. Do you also feel most compelled to write when you're bored, or is your experience different?
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Comment on Invite-only is a brilliant idea and I'd like to have it for longer than planned in ~tildes
coy_fish Link ParentThe balance between invites being required and also being easy to get seems ideal to me. You have to be interested and invested enough in the community to reach out and ask to participate. I was...The balance between invites being required and also being easy to get seems ideal to me.
You have to be interested and invested enough in the community to reach out and ask to participate. I was surprised to get an invite within a day or two of asking and would have gladly waited longer, but even that was enough of a waiting period that someone who isn't all that interested (or who has bad intentions) might not bother to sign up. This is how it works/worked on sites I've enjoyed before, like Archive of Our Own (which has been invite only for ~15 years) and Livejournal back in its heyday, and I suspect it goes a long way toward facilitating a sense of community without actually gatekeeping or excluding anyone.
On the flip side, I've tried to sign up for sites that take 6+ months to get an invite out to you, that have no mechanism for current users to generate invites, or that don't have enough public/easily discoverable content and discussion spaces to sustain a limited base of users. Tildes has none of those problems, fortunately, which makes me think it'd be just fine staying invite only indefinitely. Maybe I'll feel differently when activity inevitably drops off and things slow down, but even then, I'll still be able to rec the site to others and invite at least a few folks myself.
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Comment on New users: Ask your questions about Tildes here! in ~tildes
coy_fish Link ParentThanks, I figured that would be the case - but it's surprisingly tough to break old habits from sites where you'll get hit with auto-bans for behavior that isn't disingenuous! I'm always having to...Thanks, I figured that would be the case - but it's surprisingly tough to break old habits from sites where you'll get hit with auto-bans for behavior that isn't disingenuous! I'm always having to reassure people that they don't have to walk on eggshells in a tiny Discord community I run, and it's interesting to be on the other side all of a sudden.
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Comment on New users: Ask your questions about Tildes here! in ~tildes
coy_fish Link ParentThank you! Just one additional thing I'd like to clarify if possible - I see that there's no rule against multiple Tildes users in one household, but would I need to be careful about voting on or...Thank you! Just one additional thing I'd like to clarify if possible - I see that there's no rule against multiple Tildes users in one household, but would I need to be careful about voting on or replying to posts made by people who live with me? On other sites I have sometimes run book clubs, discussions, etc with my partner's help. I get the sense that'd be fine here but thought I'd ask to be safe.
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Comment on Any vegans on Tildes? in ~food
coy_fish Link ParentThanks for the suggestion! I've heard good things about her recipes before and they look relatively simple, so I'll definitely have to try.Thanks for the suggestion! I've heard good things about her recipes before and they look relatively simple, so I'll definitely have to try.
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Comment on New users: Ask your questions about Tildes here! in ~tildes
coy_fish LinkIs there any issue with/rule against having multiple active accounts at a single IP address? Say I want to send myself a second invite because I want to talk about hobbies on a separate account...Is there any issue with/rule against having multiple active accounts at a single IP address?
Say I want to send myself a second invite because I want to talk about hobbies on a separate account from personal stuff, is that ok? Or say I invite my partner (who I live with), do we risk facing consequences for vote manipulation if we vote on each other's posts?
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Comment on What are some noteworthy games that aren't available through traditional/common means? in ~games
coy_fish (edited )LinkLots of folks have probably heard about these first two, but I think they count: Crimson Room and Falling Sand Game. Crimson Room is an escape room game made in 2004, and I remember it very fondly...Lots of folks have probably heard about these first two, but I think they count: Crimson Room and Falling Sand Game.
Crimson Room is an escape room game made in 2004, and I remember it very fondly because the rough translation from Japanese amps up the creepy factor a ton. It had a few sequels, which you can play here.
Falling Sand Game is a whole genre of...literal sandbox games, but you can play the basic one I remember best here. There are more available for download at this link but fair warning, I haven't tested them. I remember playing one around 06-07 that had things like "flesh", "organ", and "knife" as elements and let you make people to torture, but I have no clue what it was called and can't seem to dig it up.
There's a game that's just known as "kisekae" (which I think is the Japanese word for dress-up?) where you use characters from the anime K-On as bases for super customizable dolls. It's more fun and creative than it sounds (plus I'm pretty sure there's an adult version, though I can't recall what it entails). I don't know if you can play it online in a browser anymore, but it's easy to Google if you're curious.
And finally a game you really can't play in its original form: Before Crisis, a Final Fantasy VII spinoff/prequel mobile game. Though it was never released outside of Japan and seems to be completely unplayable today, there's a niche audience (VII players who are aggressive fans of the Turks, mostly) who have archived the content pretty thoroughly. There are gameplay videos with English subtitles here (it's missing a few episodes, but here you can find Reno's chapter untranslated), a translated script on this tumblr, and even a fan remake done in RPG maker: https://richterwilker.itch.io/before-crisis-remake
There's an upcoming mobile game (Ever Crisis) slated for release in the US that will supposedly remake Before Crisis or at least revisit its major plot points, but no plans to rerelease the original as far as I know.
Editing to add on one more. This is a touch strange and morbid, maybe, but one of the Columbine shooters made custom levels for Doom and Quake. As far as I know, this is a pretty trustworthy site where you can see/play some of them.
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Comment on Any vegans on Tildes? in ~food
coy_fish LinkI was vegan for about a year. I'm not super passionate about animal rights in particular, but I felt like I wouldn't be able to kill and prepare animals I'd raised myself, and at some point it...I was vegan for about a year. I'm not super passionate about animal rights in particular, but I felt like I wouldn't be able to kill and prepare animals I'd raised myself, and at some point it started to seem hypocritical to buy the stuff in a store instead. I could have gone vegetarian, but to be honest, dairy farming almost seems more unethical than straight-up eating animals to me.
It wasn't sustainable for me, though. I have a lot of sensory issues around food, plus a nice combo of physical disability/ADHD/OCD that make it very hard for me to prepare my own food and still make halfway nutritionally decent choices. Don't get me wrong, if I were more determined and more devoted to the ethics, I could have kept it up—I know people who've been vegan for about as long as I've been alive, and there are some in this thread who come close to that—but I didn't.
That said, recs for favorite easy vegan recipes & packaged foods are still appreciated. I'm picky (can't stand mushrooms or nutritional yeast, and uh they're usually ok but sometimes beans creep me out lol) and it can be hard to find certain ingredients where I live, but show me what you've got.
As a side note, I think a brief stint of veganism did a lot for me as a person. For one thing, it gave me an easy way to work on setting boundaries and self-advocating. After months of having to tell people "no, that restaurant won't work for me, how about this one?" and declining non-vegan foods that were offered to me, I'm less anxious about doing that stuff in other settings. I have family and friends who are serious, aggressive drinkers to the point where going along with them impacted my health, and I'd probably be in a much worse place if I hadn't had all that practice saying no. I think that's a good thing to keep in mind if you're annoyed by those who are "vegans with exceptions". They're not necessarily just being difficult; it might still be helping them.
It was also good for me to think about making ethical decisions in everyday life, and I think those lessons will stay with me to some degree even now that I'm no longer devoted to the same set of principles. At the end of the day I'm the type who believes that harm reduction is a good thing, and I count the small successes, like the fact that my family's favorite dessert recipe is vegan (they don't believe it, but it is!).
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Comment on Any vegans on Tildes? in ~food
coy_fish Link ParentI really like Chobani oat milk. The texture feels right, if that makes sense? And it comes in a zero sugar variety, which I love. Plain unsweetened, unflavored soy milk is probably my second pick....I really like Chobani oat milk. The texture feels right, if that makes sense? And it comes in a zero sugar variety, which I love. Plain unsweetened, unflavored soy milk is probably my second pick. And you like chocolate at all, unsweetened chocolate almond milk in coffee is really really good (even though I'm not normally big on almond milk either).
Haven't found any cheese that really works for me outside of nice vegan restaurants, unfortunately. I like Siggi's and So Delicious yogurts, but both are coconut-based, so some won't like the flavor (or the amount of saturated fat).
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~music
coy_fish LinkTo tell you the truth, the number one way I still find new music is by looking for anything tangentially related to whatever I'm interested in at the time. I'll look up fanmade playlists for...To tell you the truth, the number one way I still find new music is by looking for anything tangentially related to whatever I'm interested in at the time. I'll look up fanmade playlists for books/video games/characters on Spotify and also on 8tracks (which tends to have more obscure stuff than Spotify), I'll even type words or phrases into lyric sites and see what pops up.
As for recs, here are some artists I like who are actively releasing new music and who have ~150k or fewer listeners on Spotify, from most known to least. I was going to include song recs but it got a bit long, so let me know if you want specific suggestions.
- Verdena - Italian alt-rock/grunge with quirky lyrics.
- Angel Haze - Intensely personal rap.
- Filmmaker - Best description I've got is horror arcade game music.
- Pink Milk - Swedish post-punk that will basically drown you in reverb. Strikes me as a band that might play in Twin Peaks.
- Big Blind - Industrial/Darkwave with Iranian influences. Criminally underrated imo.
- A lot of Dais Records artists fit these criteria as well and are worth checking out.
And here's some...other stuff. I learned through digging for these links that I'm still essentially a goth 14 year old anime lover deep down inside, wow
- CocoRosie - Harmless Monster - One of my top 10 songs. What's it about? What's the genre? Who knows! I found it on a playlist for my fave obscure character in an aggressively pornographic visual novel.
- Foreign Slippers - Dead Inside - Beautiful, atmospheric, creepy, pretty sure I found it on someone's World of Warcraft roleplay blog.
- cali≠gari - hakkyou channel - I randomly downloaded this off Limewire in high school. If I understand the lyrics right, it's about a fetus that has gone insane because it's been stuck in its mom for over a year.
- Maggie Smith - 100 Needles for Zil - The artist wrote this based on a popular user in a Reddit BDSM community and posted it there maybe 10 years ago?
- Pathologic 1 game OST - To quote the top comment, "It really does sound like Half Life's soundtrack directed by Genghis Khan."
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~music
coy_fish Link ParentNice recs. I'm pretty sure I first found both The Rizzos and Charming Disaster through the "weather" segments on Welcome to Night Vale, which in retrospect is where I found a LOT of the music I...Nice recs. I'm pretty sure I first found both The Rizzos and Charming Disaster through the "weather" segments on Welcome to Night Vale, which in retrospect is where I found a LOT of the music I like. Haven't listened to the podcast in many many years and a lot of the smaller artists featured probably aren't around anymore, but that was some good well-curated indie music back in the day.
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Comment on What are your favorite "hidden gem" RPGs? in ~games
coy_fish Link ParentI love running across Legend of Legaia fans in the wild. It was my very first RPG, before Final Fantasy or even Pokemon or anything. I was subscribed to one of those magazines that came with a...I love running across Legend of Legaia fans in the wild. It was my very first RPG, before Final Fantasy or even Pokemon or anything. I was subscribed to one of those magazines that came with a demo disc and was hooked as soon as I tried it. I hardly remember it anymore, it'd probably be a blast to revisit these days.
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Comment on What are your favorite books in the horror (or horror-adjacent) genre? in ~books
coy_fish Link ParentGood to know, thank you! I'm picky about my audiobooks but will definitely give this one a go next time I want to revisit it.Good to know, thank you! I'm picky about my audiobooks but will definitely give this one a go next time I want to revisit it.
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Comment on Embrace the slower social web in ~talk
coy_fish LinkYou're right. I've honestly been so relieved the past few weeks as I see more and more people opening up about how social media stirs the pot and discourages actual social connection, how they...You're right. I've honestly been so relieved the past few weeks as I see more and more people opening up about how social media stirs the pot and discourages actual social connection, how they miss old-fashioned forums and close-knit online communities. I never could keep up with it all.
This probably makes me sound ancient, but I have a scheduled daily time to check my email and I bookmark individual social media pages instead of scrolling a feed. I have accounts on Reddit, Twitter, and Tumblr, but I don't use any of the apps because I don't want notifications popping up on my phone. And that's all well and good, but over the years it seems to mean I'm increasingly pushed out of social spheres that were once important to me. I remember feeling gross the first time I saw likes and upvotes popping up on social media sites. Everyone said it was a good thing, it'd allow lurkers more opportunities to participate, it'd help communities strengthen their identities. I suspected it would discourage actual interaction and divide communities between content creators and consumers, and I was right.
I used to spend hours chatting online every day. I liked discussing news and politics, but those communities have turned into absolute battlegrounds. I liked offering support and advice, but those have turned into "popcorn" communities that are all about rubbernecking instead of helping. I liked niche communities for my favorite books and movies and video games, and those are still around, sort of, but you'll either get drowned out by memes or by whatever's most popular at the time.
I've tried and tried to start my own communities, or to start discussions in communities that already exist, but every time it's crickets. No one can find the conversation if the algorithm doesn't feed it to them, which it won't, because it's a new conversation started by a non-influencer. If people do happen to find it, they're afraid to speak up. Because the sites they use have trained them to sit around and wait for something to consume, and because they've learned that posting content that isn't snappy and eye-catching will often lead to an embarrassing lack of response. (Or possibly chastisement from overzealous moderators, but that was always a part of the internet experience.)
Sorry for jumping on this post to complain, but wow, seeing others share a similar sentiment makes it feel like I can finally breathe. I don't know if I'll find community again, or where, but (speaking as a person who has limited access to irl social spheres for various reasons) I have a little hope now that I'm not going to be permanently excluded.
Glad to hear you're able to make progress this way. Essentially my whole social circle is people who have PTSD and are autistic or trans or both, so I have some idea of how hard it can be to find (let alone afford) any help that really gets it right. I truly wish you the best of luck in your efforts to work together with yourself/selves. <3