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Embrace the slower social web
I'm no luddite. I'm a tech consultant who likes shaving microseconds off API calls.
But for social media, dear tildellows, please consider embracing a slower web. I mention this as I hear a few people for example missing push notifications for messages, etc.
Consider that nobody on social media websites needs to reach you instantly.
Consider that there is nothing happening on such sites that you need to read ASAP.
Consider that you will never be able to keep up with the world, and that trying to stay at the edge of some information will just mean you're missing out on some other edge.
Read your town's local news, which is a lot more likely to impact you. And it's ok to respond to your DMs after a couple days.
First.
Jokes aide, I wholeheartedly agree. I've gotten really busy in the last year or so, and I've really come to appreciate my time, attention and bandwidth. Every second of my attention counts, and I want to have control where I focus. I've found myself turning off notifications on my phone, I'm about to disable email notifications. I guess it's more about discipline than anything, but meditating in a push notification jungle is difficult and I find cutting down a few of the trees helps.
Likewise. I need to get better about not constantly refreshing social media in the middle of work but I keep my phone on do not disturb all the time. I only take it off when I'm expecting an important call or message. I've found that it really helps me focus and not be yanked around by notifications.
You're right. I've honestly been so relieved the past few weeks as I see more and more people opening up about how social media stirs the pot and discourages actual social connection, how they miss old-fashioned forums and close-knit online communities. I never could keep up with it all.
This probably makes me sound ancient, but I have a scheduled daily time to check my email and I bookmark individual social media pages instead of scrolling a feed. I have accounts on Reddit, Twitter, and Tumblr, but I don't use any of the apps because I don't want notifications popping up on my phone. And that's all well and good, but over the years it seems to mean I'm increasingly pushed out of social spheres that were once important to me. I remember feeling gross the first time I saw likes and upvotes popping up on social media sites. Everyone said it was a good thing, it'd allow lurkers more opportunities to participate, it'd help communities strengthen their identities. I suspected it would discourage actual interaction and divide communities between content creators and consumers, and I was right.
I used to spend hours chatting online every day. I liked discussing news and politics, but those communities have turned into absolute battlegrounds. I liked offering support and advice, but those have turned into "popcorn" communities that are all about rubbernecking instead of helping. I liked niche communities for my favorite books and movies and video games, and those are still around, sort of, but you'll either get drowned out by memes or by whatever's most popular at the time.
I've tried and tried to start my own communities, or to start discussions in communities that already exist, but every time it's crickets. No one can find the conversation if the algorithm doesn't feed it to them, which it won't, because it's a new conversation started by a non-influencer. If people do happen to find it, they're afraid to speak up. Because the sites they use have trained them to sit around and wait for something to consume, and because they've learned that posting content that isn't snappy and eye-catching will often lead to an embarrassing lack of response. (Or possibly chastisement from overzealous moderators, but that was always a part of the internet experience.)
Sorry for jumping on this post to complain, but wow, seeing others share a similar sentiment makes it feel like I can finally breathe. I don't know if I'll find community again, or where, but (speaking as a person who has limited access to irl social spheres for various reasons) I have a little hope now that I'm not going to be permanently excluded.
This is, if I remember correctly, one of the reasons that Tildes does not have push notifications.
To address the post/idea: I agree and is why I'm going back to - *gasp* - forums for my focus. I used to have a folder of bookmarks, maybe 10-15, that I'd open all at once, check the updated news stories, forum posts that matter to me, then just get off my computer. Between blacksmithing, building cars, 3D printing, gaming, and reading I've got enough hobbies that could greatly use the time I gave to reddit/social media. Time spent while I was in an office made sense, but now that I've worked from home for several years, even though my reddit/social media usage has dwindled quite a bit, it's time wasted that could be better spent.
Another thing I appreciate is the notifications stay until you interact with them or mark them as read. If you get a bunch of comments you can safely click away from your unreads and not miss out on notifications that got lost in a sea of replies so there's no urgency to reply either.
This is a very good reminder. Thank you.
Lately I've found myself missing the very old web: forums mostly, static websites, so on. The web was a place you went, not a place you just were, 24/7, whether you wanted to be or not. You had to sit down, usually in a designated place, and go to the internet, intentionally.
The double-edged sword of having everything at our fingertips constantly has lead to an assumption that everyone must also be accessible to us just as constantly. But there's no reason to think that's true.
This is an important point. There used to be an online and an offline, a here and an afk. But now, there's no such thing as offline or afk because the keyboard followed you to the bathroom. And then the pandemic happened, with more acceptance for WFH, and then work followed you to the bathroom, too.
Our brains just weren't made/evolved for this kind of 24/7 connectivity, and the effects or showing.
Not clear if you do or do not WFH or your age, but if you are interested in the viewpoint of a person who has been WFH since a while before the pandemic, here it is:
For work and personal messages both, I take my time responding. My boss, friends, wife, parents, kids... they all send me messages on various platforms and of various importance.
I almost always wait some random while before answering any of them.
I could explain my thoughts about why and how, but ultimately my advice is to generally not click whatever it is that lets them see that you have read their message immediately, and not answer immediately.
If the people who message you generally expect nothing more than an eventual response, you be one free to only respond to them eventually wothout
This is very good. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's really about setting expectations both internally and externally, and following through.
I started playing the megaman battle network collection recently and have been going to OLD forums from the early 2000s to read walkthroughs and it really reminded me of what browsing the internet used to be like for me. If I needed something I didn't always have the answers at my fingertips. I had to go to the computer which wasn't in the same room as the tv, disconnect the phone line and plug it into the computer, go to gamefaqs.com to print out a walkthrough, staple it together, plug the phone back in, and then save it in a literal folder when I was done playing.
Anything I did on the internet was with purpose. I didn't have time to discover new things and have content thrown at me. I had my bookmarks or memorized URLs, would seek out what I was looking for, and then would be done with it since I couldn't keep the phone line tied up. Don't get me wrong, I love the internet for what it is now but I do miss when everything wasn't such sensory overload.
Great post. We have grown accustomed to having the idea that someone needs to show you something nonstop, or else you can't be satisfied.
It's a hard habit to break. But after deleting the Reddit and Twitter app on my phone, I'm realizing it's worth it to do something different.
Indeed, after switching to using RSS feeds more, I realised my town has a small blog, which has great content and led to discovering local motorsport events. Sure beats getting angry over something happening on the other corner of the globe, or watching strangers argue over the most minute details.
Turning off/ignoring notifications is also a major brain relief. There isn't that constant anxious feeling that follows you whilst you wait for the next message or update, it is liberating.
Super true. I recently read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport and it really reshaped how I looked at using social media. Came to the realization I was on Instagram and Twitter 24/7 since Covid and have since gotten rid of them.
Take me back to the pre social media internet.
The need for notifications is unhealthy, at least for me. I don't like the itch of boredom and "missing" when I'm away from my phone or computer. The internet used to be about discovery - having thoughts and then investigating, looking for people with similar interests, wanting to share my passions. Sometimes, I worry that with the current social media format, I've lost some of my own imagination, substance, and ability to discover.
The slow detachment of quick, never-ending, in-your-face media and internet engagement is one step closer to a healthier relationship with the internet for me, and one that I'm looking forward to.
In addition to the push notifications, I’ve seen some people say they don’t remember to check out a website if it’s not on their homescreen and I’m like “that sounds great!”
If you don’t feel a need to share something or any curiosity to see stuff people are sharing right now, it’s best not to look at a site intended to do those things. We want to interact with a website because we’re making a conscious choice to engage with it in a way that’s valuable for us. We don’t want to just be numbly being pushed along by the force of habit. That’s not edifying.
Thank you for this. I've struggled with FOMO for a long time. I've been hesitant to pull the plug on other social media because of this. Maybe this will be the year that I get my time back. I miss reading, and it sure would be nice to get into that again.
I specifically thought about how to get notifications to work for Tildes, because "what if someone on here wants to reach out to me?" I really want to be part of the community and engage with others in a timely manner, but you're right. There's no need.
Your post and the thought behind it really struck me today. Thanks for sharing! I think me leaving Reddit is a good opportunity to slow down and not seek out continuous scrolling.
I work in tech / data, these days.. I can't help but feel like my work is half the problem about the se dark patterns!
Remember forums back in the day? They were honestly great for this. You could drop off and pick up at your own pace.