eledrave's recent activity

  1. Comment on Sex, longing, ambivalence, purpose in ~talk

    eledrave
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    Trivial responses to your lengthy anecdotes: 1 - "Why bother?" Coming from someone over 50 who has been married, divorced, and in love a few times. Every one is better than the last. It's...

    Trivial responses to your lengthy anecdotes:

    1 - "Why bother?" Coming from someone over 50 who has been married, divorced, and in love a few times. Every one is better than the last. It's surprising. But we learn and grow. As long as you're honest with yourself, you won't settle for those things that disappointed you previously and each relationship will get better as you learn what you really want.

    2 - I've been in a similar situation. I was able to say "no" and I'm glad of it. Don't regret what happened before. It was a learning experience. It sounds like this is an undetermined relationship, initially friends, then awkward lovers. Now it sounds like you aren't sure what you want from it. You don't need to determine the future, but you need to communicate honestly. Tell them if you want more. Tell them if it's just sex, and if it is, have fun with that knowledge and conversation behind you. Set expectations clearly. Communication is the basis of all good relationships.

    3 - There's a lot here. To take three. First, don't regret the "yes". It was honest and you followed it up with clarification, even if it wasn't entirely clear in your own head. If it is a problem, then it's on them. But it sounds like you spend a lot of time "in your head." And that can be educational, but also depressive. You did your best. Second, you don't want to hurt anyone. Good. Be honest and open as you have been. But you can't spend your whole life walking on eggshells around others. Communicate as best you can. But don't take responsibility for how others interpret events and statements if you've done your best. Third, I've been hyper-focused on sex. It hurt relationships. I've also been in a relationship that was so good in every other way that sex was an after-thought. That was wonderful, and when the sex happened, it was wonderful too. I'd say, it's an important part of a relationship but don't stress over your current "apathy", that may change.

    I'll also throw the caveat that I don't know your full situation and any possible past trauma. Consider therapy and don't take advice from strangers on the internet.

    I've spent a lot of time in my life replaying past encounters, relationships, and experiences, second guessing my actions and words. I get in my head and stress about things. I'm now old enough to be more aware of it and able to recognize it better. It still happens, but I see it happening and can set those thoughts aside. I don't know how to instruct someone else to do it though. In some ways it comes down to internalizing those trivial quotes you see on posters. That probably just comes with time.

    8 votes
  2. Comment on Are billionaires a market failure? And if not market, are they social failure? in ~finance

    eledrave
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    I feel like option 2 is the most likely. Almost everything we can categorize and discuss is a spectrum. People like to say that something is A or B. But there's few cases where that's true;...

    I feel like option 2 is the most likely. Almost everything we can categorize and discuss is a spectrum. People like to say that something is A or B. But there's few cases where that's true; there's degrees to almost everything. Complete capitalism, probably bad. Total governmental regulation, probably bad. But somewhere in-between is a sweet spot where the country/earth can be sustained, people can be cared for, business owners can get rich, etc. It's just been unconstrained. Time to swing the pendulum back a bit to even things out.

    4 votes
  3. Comment on What have you learned from going through a breakup? in ~talk

    eledrave
    Link Parent
    I was recently divorced when we got together. Kids were with me one week then with their mom. One big motivator was a lack of "me" time. The children were my focus when I had them. She was my...

    I was recently divorced when we got together. Kids were with me one week then with their mom. One big motivator was a lack of "me" time. The children were my focus when I had them. She was my focus the other week. Couple that with some money worries and my anxiety sky-rocketed.

    Sometimes you hear people say "I need to find myself," or something along those lines. This was one of those situations. She was great. She did not get in the way. It's cliché, but "It's me, not you," is real.

    Anyhow, my point was largely that the action of breaking up with someone can be empowering. As a more introverted and socially anxious person, it's not an easy thing to do. And it hadn't even occurred to me that I had never done it. It's made me stronger.

    6 votes
  4. Comment on What have you learned from going through a breakup? in ~talk

    eledrave
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    At 47 years old I broke up with a wonderful woman. I needed to focus on my children and myself. It was difficult. I realized afterward that I had never really broken up with someone before that....

    At 47 years old I broke up with a wonderful woman. I needed to focus on my children and myself. It was difficult. I realized afterward that I had never really broken up with someone before that. I'd had relationships that slowly degraded, but the other person had always initiated the breakup. I had always been the one being dumped.

    I'd felt that any relationship could be made to work if both people committed to it. That may be true. But it may not be healthy. Periodically I miss her and wonder if I'll ever find another like her. But it is obvious to me that I made the right decision for my family and personal mental well-being at the time.

    6 votes
  5. Comment on What have you learned from being a parent? in ~talk

    eledrave
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    One moment that stands out to me after all these years was when I had yelled at my son to stop doing something a bunch of times. A bit later, he got hurt and was crying. I started in with the "I...

    One moment that stands out to me after all these years was when I had yelled at my son to stop doing something a bunch of times. A bit later, he got hurt and was crying. I started in with the "I told you so" stuff. He shouted at me "Can't you just be there for me instead of yelling at me!"

    That one moment changed me. There's a time for the lectures and lessons. When your kid is hurt and crying is not that time.

    11 votes
  6. Comment on Fortnightly Programming Q&A Thread in ~comp

    eledrave
    Link Parent
    Despite what you see posted, there are far more jobs doing those CRUD (Create/Read/Update/Delete for anyone unfamiliar) apps than there are doing Artificial Intelligence (AI) and similar fancy...

    Despite what you see posted, there are far more jobs doing those CRUD (Create/Read/Update/Delete for anyone unfamiliar) apps than there are doing Artificial Intelligence (AI) and similar fancy stuff. There are millions of boring CRUD jobs at large and small companies. But they're boring so you don't read about them. Most of these jobs will have minimal need for advanced algorithms or math. There are libraries for that.

    When people hear about Software Developers making $250k a year, they don't realize that there are far more jobs making $60k a year doing CRUD work for internal clients. They're often hard to find. For instance, a place I worked wouldn't post on sites like Indeed so it was only posted on the company website. We'd see 15 resumes trickle in over a few months. We'd hire based on stated skills, enthusiasm, and the ability to answer basic questions during an interview. We knew it was a stepping stone for many, though some people would stay for the good work environment.

    Regarding interviews, I've only participated in one interview where you actually had to build something and they could use any resources available. And only one other where I had to do anything on a whiteboard. All the others I've been in are just conversations.

    I guess my point is that you shouldn't think that what you read is truly representative. Maybe at the big names, but not everywhere.

    Follow the typical advice. Build something you can show off. Have a website you can point to. Be honest about what you can do. Show interest and enthusiasm. There are places willing to take a risk on someone without the deep skills.

    If you aren't in a rush, use each interview as an opportunity to learn and then build stuff between interviews. If they ask you about sorting algorithms during interview 1, add a page to your website that shows the relative speed of a few different sorting algorithms in JavaScript. During interview 2 they ask you about your experience with MySQL database, so add a page where you do a bunch of database stuff. After 10 interviews, you'll have 10 or more new pages with examples of things you've done and you'll have learned a lot. When those questions come up in future interviews, now you can say you've worked with that thing; maybe not in a professional setting, but it's a start.

    5 votes
  7. Comment on Tyre Extinguishers – deflating SUV tyres as a form of climate action in ~enviro

    eledrave
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    When I first saw this in a twitter thread a week or two ago, the guy pointed out the stupidity of it. To paraphrase, "Great environmentalism, now I have to call a tow truck that gets 4 miles to...

    When I first saw this in a twitter thread a week or two ago, the guy pointed out the stupidity of it. To paraphrase, "Great environmentalism, now I have to call a tow truck that gets 4 miles to the gallon to come down and deal with it."

    Not everyone that drives a giant SUV is looking for a status symbol. My friend has a Chevy Suburban, 4 kids, goes skiing, pulls a camper, pulls a work trailer, etc.

    This is just vandalism and they should be caught and fined.

    20 votes
  8. Comment on Red Cross declares first-ever national blood crisis in ~health

    eledrave
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    Thanks for posting this. I've only donated once since the pandemic started. They've been sending me emails telling me the supply is critically low, but honestly it's a "boy who cried wolf"...

    Thanks for posting this. I've only donated once since the pandemic started. They've been sending me emails telling me the supply is critically low, but honestly it's a "boy who cried wolf" scenario because they've spammed me constantly for years, so now I just ignore them. At least this has made me aware it's a real problem, not their standard annoying email.

    7 votes
  9. Comment on Maybe a killer AI isn't that bad in ~talk

  10. Comment on I'm miserable in ~talk

    eledrave
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    You acknowledge it and see it happening. So you're in a better place than a lot of people. Nothing has been wasted. You're learning from these experiences. Maybe slower than you'd like, but you'll...

    You acknowledge it and see it happening. So you're in a better place than a lot of people.

    Nothing has been wasted. You're learning from these experiences. Maybe slower than you'd like, but you'll get there. Opportunities present themselves throughout life. If you're not ready for the ones in front of you now, maybe you will be ready for those that pop up in a week, a month, or a year.

    It sounds so stupid to say, but you just need to make a decision to do what's right for you, whatever that may be. The decision is where people often fail. They decide to do things instead of become things.

    For example, "I’m unable to stop eating junk food..." No, you haven't yet made the decision to be someone healthy. That's a far different decision than "stop eating junk food" because that's too easy to break and doesn't leave leeway. Deciding to be healthy gives you the freedom to eat junk food sometimes but maintain a healthy lifestyle.

    Same with college. It's easy to fail and easy to decide to do well, which for me, lasted one semester before I fell into old habits. But when I figured out I wanted to be a programmer and the best way to do that at the time, was to get a degree, it was a lot easier to succeed.

    I'm scared to touch on suicide so I'll just say no. Deciding to eat junk food is an easily reversible decision, that is not.

    10 votes
  11. Comment on If you had to teach a class about information literacy, what would your key points be? in ~talk

    eledrave
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    Don't trust anything "incoming". That means email, text messages, phone calls. It also means ads that are on your feeds (Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok). Go looking for information if something...

    Don't trust anything "incoming". That means email, text messages, phone calls. It also means ads that are on your feeds (Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok). Go looking for information if something piques your interest instead of reading the garbage sent to you which could be unsafe. If you want to know something, go looking for it. If anyone asks you for something, such as Paypal sending you an email telling you to login to do something by clicking the link, don't do it their way. Instead, go to Paypal's site on your own and see if it is legitimate.

    15 votes
  12. Comment on Age of Empires IV | Gameplay trailer in ~games

    eledrave
    Link Parent
    This https://www.ageofempires.com/news/afp-recap-2021/ is a good site with all the info from the event today since I'd just mix up where things are if I tried to tell you from memory. I know...

    This https://www.ageofempires.com/news/afp-recap-2021/ is a good site with all the info from the event today since I'd just mix up where things are if I tried to tell you from memory. I know there's updates to aoe2 and aoe3 definitive editions and some co-op play.

    4 votes
  13. Comment on Age of Empires IV | Gameplay trailer in ~games

    eledrave
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    I watched the event live earlier today. It looks like they did a good job of keeping the spirit of the original games. I'm looking forward to it. The Age of Empires franchise is probably my...

    I watched the event live earlier today. It looks like they did a good job of keeping the spirit of the original games. I'm looking forward to it. The Age of Empires franchise is probably my favorite, though I'd still like to see another Age of Mythology.

    3 votes
  14. Comment on Review a product/service you first used over a year ago in ~life

    eledrave
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    Neat idea. Here's one. The Rotato. It's an apple or potato peeler. I really didn't think they would work very well so I put it off for a long time. I think I must have had an Amazon gift card from...

    Neat idea. Here's one. The Rotato. It's an apple or potato peeler. I really didn't think they would work very well so I put it off for a long time. I think I must have had an Amazon gift card from Christmas; I ordered it January 17, 2018. I've used it a ton. Some of the reviews have videos if you want to see it work and there are many different brands.

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000X9EPT0/

    3 votes
  15. Comment on What did you do this week? in ~talk

    eledrave
    Link Parent
    Do you have any idea how? I'm always curious. A coworker who was really careful got it because his teenage daughter brought it home from school. A friend whose whole family are anti-maskers and...

    Do you have any idea how? I'm always curious. A coworker who was really careful got it because his teenage daughter brought it home from school. A friend whose whole family are anti-maskers and flaunting rules with mesh masks and large parties still hasn't gotten it.

    6 votes
  16. Comment on Organizing life in checklists in ~life

    eledrave
    Link
    I have a Bullet Journal but decided not to follow the guidelines after giving it a try. Now I just use it for a daily checklist. I got it right around the start of Covid. Each day I put everything...

    I have a Bullet Journal but decided not to follow the guidelines after giving it a try. Now I just use it for a daily checklist. I got it right around the start of Covid. Each day I put everything in there, from "make the bed" and "brush/floss" to "laundry in", "laundry switched to dryer", and "laundry out". Sundays I make pages for the next week. I also make a weekly summary page of things for the future.

    I have pages in the back for things like movies I want to see and books I want to read. I have a page of calories for foods I eat regularly and track that each day. There's an index at the front.

    I've found it helps me reduce anxiety; I can glance at it to know that I'm not forgetting something. When something pops into my mind, I write it down with a checkbox. If I'm wondering what to do, I have a list to check. It only took a few days to get into the groove. It did take a few months to figure out that I didn't need to complete everything on the list each day, but that caused stress for a while. Now things can carry over. So part of the morning routine is copying over things that didn't get done. Sometimes things go on the weekly page to put off for the future.

    I like it better than a computer or phone list because it's more flexible and free-form. I can draw or take other notes. I also find the repetition of copying daily items allows me to modify things more easily. For instance, my daily workout is there and I try to plan an increase weight every week or so. When I was sick for a few days I just crossed out the workout for those days.

    I work from home now so it's always nearby. If I had to carry it around I might want something on the phone. But I've tried that before and it didn't work for me.

    2 votes
  17. Comment on What programming/technical projects have you been working on? in ~comp

    eledrave
    Link Parent
    Exactly what my team did 2 years ago. Had Jenkins and played around. Finally went all-in on GitLab and couldn't be happier. We could do all those things internally, but the cost isn't enough to...

    Exactly what my team did 2 years ago. Had Jenkins and played around. Finally went all-in on GitLab and couldn't be happier. We could do all those things internally, but the cost isn't enough to dissuade us. The pipelines have been terrific. The biggest benefits have been the MR approval process (forcing some oversight on changes) and automated release (pipelines push to test regularly and the release is automated when we are ready; since it's been tested we know things aren't forgotten).

    2 votes
  18. Comment on Weekly US politics news and updates thread - week of February 8 in ~news

    eledrave
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    I think this impeachment trial is necessary but the conclusion is already known. I listened to the argument for whether it is constitutional or not and it seemed plain and obvious that it is...

    I think this impeachment trial is necessary but the conclusion is already known. I listened to the argument for whether it is constitutional or not and it seemed plain and obvious that it is constitutional. So much so, that the 56-44 vote is ridiculous.

    If the trial result is also 56-44, we will know that everyone has already made up their minds and it was mostly a waste of time. But I'm curious if anyone with a statistical background knows what the likelihood of change would be. I would hope that some are open-minded enough to change their mind based on the evidence? With one hundred people, is there some expectation that the final number would change? In a reasonable world, would we expect changes in either side to cancel each other out?

    5 votes
  19. Comment on There's more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith in ~life

    eledrave
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    The title is a little disingenuous. The topic is more like "Don't chase happiness in relationships or career, instead find 'meaning' in your life to be happy." But it's a good video and probably...

    The title is a little disingenuous. The topic is more like "Don't chase happiness in relationships or career, instead find 'meaning' in your life to be happy." But it's a good video and probably worth 10 minutes if you're one of those unhappy people always chasing your perfect world.

    3 votes
  20. Comment on What programming/technical projects have you been working on? in ~comp

    eledrave
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    I have a new work project where we need to capture short video from customers. It needs to work on pc/mac and android/iphone. I'm not looking forward to it. It seems like the browsers have...

    I have a new work project where we need to capture short video from customers. It needs to work on pc/mac and android/iphone. I'm not looking forward to it. It seems like the browsers have advanced enough to have an api for media capture, but of course, Apple doesn't fully support it and the current support is experimental. I really don't want to build an iOS app (which still wouldn't resolve the Mac issue, though I think I could get away with mandating Chrome on Mac which might solve that issue).

    3 votes