F13's recent activity

  1. Comment on Historic voter turnout powered US Democrats’ blue wave in ~society

    F13
    Link Parent
    Except, each snowflake isn't. Right, like, any snowflake deciding not to participate in the avalanche would not make a difference whatsoever. And I think that's the feeling.

    Except, each snowflake isn't. Right, like, any snowflake deciding not to participate in the avalanche would not make a difference whatsoever. And I think that's the feeling.

    2 votes

  2. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    F13
    Link Parent
    First off, I want to say: Sorry! I should have been clearer that I was absolutely going off the rails and I knew that was not the point you were making, and I was moving on and making a side...

    First off, I want to say: Sorry! I should have been clearer that I was absolutely going off the rails and I knew that was not the point you were making, and I was moving on and making a side point, and not at all trying to muddy the water of what you were saying. Even though that's exactly what I ended up doing. My belief is that your comment stood on its own, and needed no further exploration of the point you were making, and as such I was springboarding off of it into a tangent. I should have been clearer about that intention 🙂

    I completely agree with your overall conclusion, and ultimately the context of the conversation informs a lot of how we need to best support each other. My only small, minor, totally unnecessary and very much a footnote that 99% of readers should ignore, disagreement is just in the space of recognizing that the context changed to a subjective experience, without a lot of clarity that that was happening, especially to certain forms of neurodivergence.

    1 vote

  3. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    F13
    Link Parent
    I really appreciate you reading my comment and adding to the discussion! I think that is a really strong example of some of the elements I bump up against. To break it down even further, my...

    I really appreciate you reading my comment and adding to the discussion! I think that is a really strong example of some of the elements I bump up against. To break it down even further, my "objection", if you can even call it that, to your example is that the "emotional intelligence" is asked of you, in that conversation, and that is socially "right" and "good". But there's no (or very little) "emotional intelligence" asked of your spouse.

    What you did was make an objective statement about reality. Your spouse denied it, and asserted a subjective claim. You then provided evidence backing up your objective statement, which makes no claim as to your spouse's subjective experience, but is interpreted to be a denial of it, entirely because your spouse framed the conversation as their subjective experience versus your objective statement.

    I don't think it's particularly fair for your spouse to put all the emotional labor of understanding their perspective on you. I believe your spouse is equally responsible for any misunderstanding that occurred in your example conversation, since they, too, were unable to put aside their unstated assumptions as to what the conversation was about.

    This is all very different when we're talking about a conversation that someone "butts in" to, of course, which is the context of the larger thread. In that case it is entirely on them to understand the conversation before engaging.

    6 votes

  4. Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes

    F13
    Link Parent
    I have personally been doing a lot of work in this space recently. I think the most common responses you're getting that generally boil down to forms of self preservation are mostly true for me,...

    I have personally been doing a lot of work in this space recently. I think the most common responses you're getting that generally boil down to forms of self preservation are mostly true for me, too. For myself, though, I know there's another part of it that comes from a genuinely curious and nondismissive (if, admittedly, neurospicy) place. It's the concept of "I am not saying I do not believe you. I am saying given my life experience, there is an alternative explanation. Is that explanation possibly real, too?" It is an intellectualization, a "prove by absence of counter example" sort of concept. I hate that the word "prove" shows up there because it immediately connotates that disbelief is the default, but often the claims are extremely wide-sweeping and I am trying to understand if it's possible it is not literally so all-encompassing as being presented.

    For what it's worth, what I have found and finally internalized, is that that's not the point of the conversation. It's not about "is this the true nature of reality" - but my particular brand of brain very much wants to evaluate it in that context. So I'd ask you (the reader) to pause any mounting annoyance or dismissal of my explanation of my experience, and take what I'm saying as I'm saying it: I model the conversation incorrectly, I don't understand what it is we're actually talking about, and I mistakenly think if I can demonstrate "it might not be as bad as you think" I can improve your life. Nobody is perfect, everybody is wrong about stuff, maybe there's a chance you're wrong about this.

    So take an example like "Jars are sexist because women aren't part of the process and therefore jars are too hard to open. If more women were involved, we wouldn't have settled on a solution that is so hard for women." That is a statement about the nature of something, not an experience. The experience, which is typically the actual conversation, is hidden underneath. But I have historically had a hard time not seeing that statement that is making a claim about the nature of things and assessing how true I think it is. A natural counter-example would be, hmm, are there common things that are hard for men, but we've still settled on them? Since those exist, naturally it follows that we may still settle on the jars we have, and the forces that result in the jars we have are not primarily moved by sexism.

    None of that is a dismissal. None of that is a lack of belief. But a conversation that goes "jars are too hard for women" -> "airplane seats are too hard for men" reasonably gets read through this lens, and makes it really difficult for either party to get what just happened. If the statement were more "I have a really hard time opening jars and that's frustrating" like...... What is there to disagree about there? Nothing. It's not a statement of fact that is unaligned with my understanding of reality, so there's nothing to do except validate and listen. It's when experiences get rephrased as "nature of things" statements of fact that I, personally, have to be very careful and intentional about how I approach the conversation.

    So, that is an explanation of one of the mechanisms, at least for me. It should not be read as an excuse, or an implication that it is therefore the right way to have the conversation. The nonjudgmental intellectualization of the mechanism is the point of this comment, but there's a whole component of emotion and understanding that is beyond its scope 😁

    I also want to be clear that, none of this matters. I wouldn't have "said my peace" if it weren't specifically called for, because I have learned not to speak up when it is not my space to do so. With that in mind, I want to commend you for asking for the voice of the people who are being painted negatively (in this very narrow slice of conversation), since it shows a true value of inclusion and understanding that I really respect.

    15 votes

  5. Comment on Does the dryer shrink your clothes? in ~life

    F13
    Link Parent
    Personally I found following his tips gave me 80% of the success I expected, but the last 20% is really the annoying part anyway. Getting actually decent detergent made the difference between 80...

    Personally I found following his tips gave me 80% of the success I expected, but the last 20% is really the annoying part anyway. Getting actually decent detergent made the difference between 80 and 99.9% success for me. I switched from store brand powder to using the ecogeek powder detergent that he helped collab on, and it really rang true for me that the detergent brands intentionally make the powder worse so they can sell you the higher margin liquids and pods.

    6 votes

  6. Comment on What are the genuinely worst films of all time? in ~movies

    F13
    Link Parent
    I agree, actually terrible movies aren't ones you've heard of.

    I agree, actually terrible movies aren't ones you've heard of.

    3 votes

  7. Comment on Steam Frame product page is now live in ~games

    F13
    Link Parent
    My IPD has been measured at my eye doctor in the 60-62 range, and yet I find a setting of 68-70 for my Index is the only way it looks "right". ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    My IPD has been measured at my eye doctor in the 60-62 range, and yet I find a setting of 68-70 for my Index is the only way it looks "right". ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    4 votes

  8. Comment on Steam Frame product page is now live in ~games

    F13
    Link Parent
    What does that IPD range mean to you? Why is that the thing you specifically pulled out and emphasized?

    What does that IPD range mean to you? Why is that the thing you specifically pulled out and emphasized?

    7 votes

  9. Comment on New app: Sheets - Manage Ghostty/Kitty/Alacritty themes easily! in ~tech

    F13
    Link Parent
    I always interpreted it as basically that the LLM is the machine translating your vibes into actual code, therefore you didn't really code it. That's the distinction between how you described your...

    I always interpreted it as basically that the LLM is the machine translating your vibes into actual code, therefore you didn't really code it. That's the distinction between how you described your previous usage from the current usage - you actually did write the code, even if you felt like you weren't taking it seriously. In order to do that you intrinsically must have had thought about it in a way that a modern vibe coder need not. And I think the implication is that your (or more generally, any human's) even sub- or un-conscious decision making is preferred over AI's.

    1 vote

  10. Comment on The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Switch 2) | Zelda 40th anniversary Direct trailer in ~games

    F13
    Link Parent
    I think the bigger benefit of a jump button is that you get more control during the jump. Going back to OoT, jumping in the slightly wrong direction is an issue because you're locked into a...

    I think the bigger benefit of a jump button is that you get more control during the jump. Going back to OoT, jumping in the slightly wrong direction is an issue because you're locked into a straight line. I imagine adjusting that made it seem more reasonable to just make the jump completely intentional.

    1 vote

  11. Comment on What are your "how on earth did I not learn this sooner" tech moments? in ~tech

    F13
    Link Parent
    Also shared by some Linuxes, such as those that use KDE Plasma.

    Also shared by some Linuxes, such as those that use KDE Plasma.

    9 votes

  12. Comment on What are your "how on earth did I not learn this sooner" tech moments? in ~tech

    F13
    Link Parent
    Only real annoyance, as someone who regularly interacts with all three, is that Mac uses (the equivalent of) Alt+Tab to switch applications, where everybody else uses it to switch windows. Mac...

    Only real annoyance, as someone who regularly interacts with all three, is that Mac uses (the equivalent of) Alt+Tab to switch applications, where everybody else uses it to switch windows.

    Mac uses Option (Alt)+` (backtick (the thing that shares a key with the tilde (which I hope a user of this site is familiar with))) to switch windows within an application. It is very physically close to Alt+Tab so it's not too bad, but still, it is a slightly different pattern.

    9 votes

  13. Comment on RomM: an open source, self-hosted emulation platform in ~games

    F13
    Link
    I use Romm with the Romm Sync plugin for Decky on my handheld gaming PC (which I have decided to call my GameBoy because it isn't technically a Steam Deck and "Legion Go" doesn't really sound like...

    I use Romm with the Romm Sync plugin for Decky on my handheld gaming PC (which I have decided to call my GameBoy because it isn't technically a Steam Deck and "Legion Go" doesn't really sound like something a human would say). It's honestly a great experience.

    3 votes

  14. Comment on Autistic/neurodivergent/"just stubborn" members: how did you [happily] learn to do something you couldn't just instantly do? in ~life

    F13
    Link
    It's always hard. The times when I have had success are times when either: I can rely on those "things that come for free" I have made myself a short-term commitment, and found the space to...

    It's always hard. The times when I have had success are times when either:

    1. I can rely on those "things that come for free"
    2. I have made myself a short-term commitment, and found the space to "embrace the suck".

    Some things that come for free for me that I've seen work out in this space are curiosity, technical skill, and a desire to be seen as cool/hot/interesting.

    Curiosity makes the barrier for entry for most new things somewhat lower for me from a knowledge standpoint because I'm naturally consuming all kinds of information about all kinds of domains. I had a rudimentary understanding of how a home is built, so I wasn't completely starting from ground zero when I bought my home and started DIYing. It might have felt like I knew nothing, and I absolutely came across new pieces of "basic" information constantly, but the background knowledge I had made a lot of learning more like review than fresh learning.

    Technical skill is something that mostly grew out of my curiosity and the kinds of things I was around. Namely, computers. These days I'm a pretty accomplished security specialist and moderately competent developer, and the only reason I'm any of those things is because the technical part was never really a challenge exactly. I mean, sometimes it was... Honestly maybe on reflection this one is less something that came for free, but is more something that is now free because I consistently - almost pathologically - put myself in situations where I felt under skilled. I wouldn't say it was always healthy, and definitely caused me a good deal of stress, but that stress was also the only thing that got me to care enough to just buckle down and do my best. The more often I did that in more and more challenging situations, the more skilled I became. Older me has less interest in doing that, but maybe that's because I feel more actually competent and less like I'm pretending.

    And both of those really tie in to a desire to be seen as a valuable, desirable person. Cool, hot, funny, smart, whatever the thing my brain is telling me people are looking for. Don't get me wrong. This one is hazardous. Maybe even outright toxic - jury is still out on that. But it definitely is a strong motivator for me to do things that are uncomfortable or whatever. It's part of what made me continue to put myself in more challenging situations professionally. It's a big reason I continue to lift weights. It's not the only reason I do anything, but sometimes, for a given task on a given day, it is today's reason.

    As for short term commitments and embracing the suck: the most direct example that came to mind for me with this is when I started running. My wife has always been a runner, and at one point, I started thinking about "what if I did that?" It's a slow process for me. I could see how it can be fun sometimes. The energy of a big race is really unmatched, and I had attended a few as a spectator in support of her. So I could see some of the positives. But it still just had this concept of "I am not a runner" in my brain. But, one day, I just decided.... Fine. I'll try it. I will go out with you and do a run for the next four Saturdays. I know I'm not going to want to. But maybe I'll find enough about it that I do like that I will keep doing it.

    So, that's it. That's what I decided. I'm doing a run the next four Saturdays. For me, it's honestly not that hard to do something if I just decide that I'm going to do it. There's no more fear of opportunity cost, because there's no alternatives. I'm doing the thing. One or two of those runs was in the rain. Oh well, I said four Saturdays, and it's Saturday, so I guess I'm getting rained on. People have endured worse.

    Anyway I ran my first half marathon like a year later lol. I'm still not sure if I'm "a runner", at least not right now, but I know that I could be if I chose to.

    4 votes

  15. Comment on Looking for an effective self-block application for Android in ~tech

    F13
    Link Parent
    Well to be clear I didn't say impossible to circumvent. Just more difficult. I agree that generally the idea is users are more trusted than applications, but in general that's less true in child mode.

    Well to be clear I didn't say impossible to circumvent. Just more difficult. I agree that generally the idea is users are more trusted than applications, but in general that's less true in child mode.

    1 vote

  16. Comment on Looking for an effective self-block application for Android in ~tech

    F13
    Link Parent
    Possibly, I'm really not sure on the details. But I could imagine unlocking or acting as the parent could require a password that you could keep written down somewhere irritating to access, or...

    Possibly, I'm really not sure on the details. But I could imagine unlocking or acting as the parent could require a password that you could keep written down somewhere irritating to access, or something in that vein.

    3 votes

  17. Comment on Looking for an effective self-block application for Android in ~tech

    F13
    Link
    Have you tried using parental controls to lock out apps? I believe those will be much harder to circumvent as the assumption is that the user is at least somewhat hostile to their operation. You...

    Have you tried using parental controls to lock out apps? I believe those will be much harder to circumvent as the assumption is that the user is at least somewhat hostile to their operation.

    You could also look into controls provided by MDM - Mobile Device Management - the suite of tools used by corporations to enforce policies on devices. But I genuinely have no idea how accessible that is to an individual.

    5 votes

  18. Comment on What are your favourite anime and/or manga? in ~anime

    F13
    Link Parent
    Of Studio Trigger, personally I have a soft spot for Kill la Kill over Gurren Lagann. I absolutely love the humor. But both are great. The way they have no allegiance to keeping things like size...

    Of Studio Trigger, personally I have a soft spot for Kill la Kill over Gurren Lagann. I absolutely love the humor. But both are great.

    The way they have no allegiance to keeping things like size and perspective consistent makes for some amazing visuals.

    3 votes

  19. Comment on Do you own/run a business? What is it, where is it, how do you get customers? in ~finance

    F13
    Link Parent
    That sounds like the dream most techies imagine when they imagine going out on their own. Congrats!

    That sounds like the dream most techies imagine when they imagine going out on their own. Congrats!

    5 votes

  20. Comment on As Reddit stock falls, CEO questions value of Google’s AI Overviews in ~tech

    F13
    Link Parent
    As famously bad as Reddit search is, at least the content is indexed by Google. Information stored in Discord is hard to access, hard to find, and hard to use.

    As famously bad as Reddit search is, at least the content is indexed by Google. Information stored in Discord is hard to access, hard to find, and hard to use.

    50 votes